Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back

542 thoughts on “Common Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back”

Dawn

October 5, 2015 at 4:40 am

I have made every one of the mistakes here and then some. I have been trying to get my ex husband back after our 23 year marriage ended. He has a new (younger ) girlfriend that I basically have been freaking out over for the last 3 months. So yeah did everything you say not to for 3 months. Is it to late for me to try nc. He went from saying he wanted to be friends now. Then the new gf left him for a week he said we could move slow and try again. Then she came back and he started saying I was pushing him too much. Long story short, now he just says leave him alone. Period. I am also battling cancer and he would freak out when I didn’t talk to him after chemo. But because of how crazy I’ve been he is at the leave me alone now stage. Do you think I have any chance at all? Have I messed up to bad now? I know I should be concentrating on getting better for now and not worry about him but in 23 years I’ve always had him beside me through things and I need my partner now. I wanted to get back together before i was diagnosed so it’s not just because I’m scared to do this alone. Please advise me. What chance do I have or should I just give up. Is it to late for nc or any of it. Thanks so much Chris

Dawn

October 18, 2015 at 6:12 am

Ok Chris. Thank you so much.
Chris Seiter

October 18, 2015 at 3:29 pm

Your welcome!
Dawn

October 13, 2015 at 9:41 am

I sent it to [email protected]
Chris Seiter

October 14, 2015 at 1:06 am

Good, I will take a look at it when I can.
Dawn

October 12, 2015 at 6:50 am

I haven’t received any reply to the email I sent to you Chris. The subject I included on it was Dawn 23yr marriage diagnosed w/cancer. I know you’re probably really busy but I just wanted to make sure I sent it correctly and that it got to you. Thanks
Chris Seiter

October 13, 2015 at 12:10 am

Which email did you send it to?
Dawn

October 6, 2015 at 8:49 pm

Thank you Chris. I sent you an email today. Your system really is amazing. It’s so good to know that I’m not alone and I’m not only one whos done these things. Thank you.
Dawn

October 5, 2015 at 4:46 am

Also Chris before I was diagnosed, I was planning on buying your recovery pro system but now medical bills are backed up and I just can’t so I’ve been sticking with your free advice pages. .so any advice you can give me I would appreciate so much. Thank you.
Chris Seiter

October 6, 2015 at 3:59 am

I am sorry to hear that Dawn.

Lets work something out for you.

email me at [email protected] and I will try to help you out.

Claire

September 25, 2015 at 12:25 pm

This is me 🙁 I’ve spent the last three months being a text gnat. I haven’t called or shown up or done the other things but I have been a text gnat. Here’s my story and I need your advice on what to do. Am I too late for NC in the hopes he will come back?

I’ll try and be as succinct as possible.

My boyfriend and I were together for 4.5 years.

We lived with each other last year in a rented property, but after 10 months were kicked out by the landlord who wanted to live in the house himself. So in October 2014 my boyfriend and I moved out of the house. Rather than rent somewhere else we went back to our separate parents as we were going to buy a house instead of rent. So it was just meant to be temporary. But I got a new job right after we left the house, which was only fixed-term contract. So no one would lend us a mortgage. So the fixed-term job is for a year (ends next month), and we tried to carry on our relationship living apart. Bottom line, we drifted. We argued, all the time. Our relationship crashed.

June 28th, he broke up with me. I begged solidly for a week and then decided to go NC. I last 17 days. Then I met up with him and we talked and he still didn’t want to try again. He said he wanted to be friends. I said I couldn’t.

5th August was my birthday, so over a month since we broke up and I was still devestated. I started texting him again after about fives days of NC and telling him I couldn’t be friends. I told him I wanted to try again and he said no. We spent the entire day texting with me sending massive essay texts begging him to change his mind. He said no. But then out of the blue, he said he would take me on a date when I get back from holiday. I was booked to go on holiday mid September. So, I agreed and immediately felt better. I had hope. I decided again to cut him out of my life and give him space. I knew that in 7 weeks I would see him for a date. So I tried to keep distant from him and get on with my life and not contact him. I knew the date was coming up so I lived my life and felt happy.

I was happier because I knew we had a date coming up. It had been three weeks without contact and then he contacted me. He was moving out of his parents into a house with friends. I was gutted because he was signing up for a year, but he said he needed to do it, and that there was a break clause so could leave in six months if he wanted to. So he contacted me and we talked and he told me all about his new house. He asked me again about the date, rather sheepishly asking “Do you still want to meet up? I do”. I said yes of course. It was three weeks until my holiday (so four until the first weekend for a date), so I still kept my distance, not pushing anything. But he did contact me three or four more times in that time leaving for my holiday. Each time we talked, he initiated contact. He text me right before I got on the plane and he still let me think we had a date coming up.

Cue last weekend. I had an amazing holiday. I bought him a gift. I got back home and expected him to contact me. I waited. He didn’t. I waited two days and then contacted him. He replied and said he had changed his mind and he wants to move on and only wants to meet up as a friends. The date is off. He said he is sorry for leading me on and letting me think there would be a date.

He said he does/did want to go on a date but he just doesn’t think our relationship will fix. He says he has no faith that we can fix the relationship. So, I’ve spent this entire week feeling like I did at the end of June. It’s like he frozen my healing time by promising me this date. I’ve now become desperate and begged and begged him.

Yesterday, I sent him a trillion texts trying to convince him to try again. I told him I loved him so much more than anything. He said No, it’s over and he doesn’t have faith he can fix it. He is happier now and as much as he wishes things could go back to how they were, he doesn’t have faith that it can. I feel annoyed with myself, because if this was 3 months ago when we first broke up and I did NC from this point onwards, I may have still had a chance. But 3 months has passed and we have still maintained contact and now I feel like it’s too late to do NC. He has used this time to get over me, whilst I have been waiting for him.

I have deleted him last night off my phone, my internet, my social media, my everything. I just want him to change his mind. We did argue a lot during the end of our relationship and I wish it would just go back to the beginning. The last year was tough. We get on well, so well, he is my best friend, but we also have a lot of differences in our lives and clash on a lot of things. He said we will always clash and argue and doesn’t want to be in a relationship like that. He says he is happier now. I have learnt a valuable lesson in life about appreciating people, because I used to moan at him a lot of time about our differences and I didn’t value the good in him, of which there is plenty. We are a square peg and a round hole and different and I was forever trying to mould him to be a round peg! I realise now, though, that he was everything I ever wanted and have totally ruined it.

I think he is basically loving this new single life. He’s been in the house for three weeks and living with his mates and going out every weekend getting drunk is attractive to him. I think the novelty will wear off. I’m hoping it does and I’m hoping he will change his mind about me. All our family – his included, because he’s mum has been texting me – thinks he has made a mistake and is hoping that he will change his mind.

I think the house with his friends is the reason to his change of heart about going on a date wit me. Two weeks ago he was telling me we would go on a date. But now it is all over. All over! He says this has been the hardest decision in his life, but he thinks it’s for the best and he wants to move on and says I should move on, too.

Is there any point me trying to do NC to win him back or shall I just forget it? I can’t bring myself to even think about dating someone else as I know my ex is the one for me and I just wish he would realise it, too. Any help would be great. I cannot cope. I really cannot. 🙁 Has anyone got back with an ex? Does it actually happen? After how long? I can’t bear to think of him being with someone else. I am crushed. Utterly crushed and feel so upset that I was lead on for the last three months as if I’d done proper NC back then, we could be back together by now.

Any advice would help. Sorry this is long!

Claire

September 25, 2015 at 12:26 pm

He is 31 and I am 32.

Sash

September 23, 2015 at 6:01 pm

We broke up after 4 years , he’s just got into his own business (he runs a restaurant cafe) and we were having constant arguments from the last 5-6 months but their were good moments too , one day we decided to fix everything , I just quoted an old instance and he took it negatively as if I was taunting him , and he got really pissed with me , that things can never go good with you , you always have to fight over something , and this is how we broke up . I went into NC for 26 days in between which my birthday also came and he didn’t wish me , but I got to know through his mutual friends that he was upset but just didn’t want to give me any hope that we’re getting back together thus he didn’t wish (he’s a very egoistic person, but has been very loving too). Now after a week since my birthday passed I texted him , tried to convince him ( basically did all the things I shouldn’t have ) even called him twice n couldn’t control n cried and he was way too rude to me and told me he sees no future with me because of our constant fights, Now I’m in 3rd day of my NC , he’s blocked me from everywhere , Facebook , whatsapp , snapchat , Instagram , but hasn’t deleted our old pictures . I feel there’s a lot of family pressure onto him because they want him to focus on his work n not get upset n distracted because of anything else . What are the chances of him coming back ? He loved me like crazy I know this for a fact , and was very loyal throughout .its already been 40 days since we broke up . Do you think he’ll come back ?
Please do reply Chris
Carol

September 21, 2015 at 4:27 am

Hi Chris,
I would really appreciate your advice . I broke the no contact rule after two weeks I accidentally sent him a text meant for someone else. It just said ” ok , I’ll met you there then” . I panicked and immediately blocked him on whatsapp after I sent it thinking it might not go through. Well…I it did and he responded on skype saying ” why did you send me a message then block me right after so I couldn’t respond? ” I then waited a day and responded on skype .” I’m sorry I accidentally sent that message to you , I blocked you on whatsapp because someone told me it wouldn’t go through then.” He then responded ” oh..ok..fair enough” . We haven’t talked again ..this was 2 days ago. He is still blocked on my whatapp. Do I have to start no contact again? Oh ..btw we were in a long distance relationship almost 2 years.
Thank you , thank you….
aisha

September 20, 2015 at 7:06 am

Hi Chris! We dated for 10 months and he broke up with me. He is rude, and sometimes controlling. The day he made the break up was the same day I contacted his friends telling them he has exed me and it is really hurtful. Later on it turned into a big fight and his friends were against me including the friends I thought really liked me. I was emotionally down. My mom had to come into the issue and our faults were pointed out. It was clear that we both have an anger issue and we listened to wrong advice from friends. In summary,he said I was happy about the break up that was why I went about announcing it and also,i insulted his friends and that he isn’t the first to break my heart so I should move on. I begged for the relationship cos I really loved him but he kept on punishing me asking me to call all his friends and apologised. They insulted me,mocked me and made me look stupid. I gave up cos I realised he truly didn’t want me back. But I had peace in me cos I apologised. But the fact still remains that I brought my self so low to beg for a relationship which the break up wasn’t my fault. I was hurt and I felt betrayed. Chris please tell me what to do and how to get over this.
lizbeth

August 31, 2015 at 7:18 pm

I dated my ex bf for over 2 years and we broke up on our first trip together in the Caribbean. After 6 months of no contact we started talking again. We started seeing each other on and off for 3 months (no sex) and after two months we started having sex again I tried not take it too seriously but after 2 times of having sex he said he loves me so much and that i hurt him with my jealousy and lack of communication . I still love him to pieces but I’m scared to get hurt again. I’m also scared because I want him to commit to settle down and start a family . I’m 33 and he’s 40 but he’s a commitment phobe. I don’t know what to do now. Please help… need some advice
T.H.

August 20, 2015 at 1:45 am

Hey Chris,
I was doing super well with NC for 45 days. I broke up with him for yelling at me in public, losing his temper, hiding me from coworkers/family, and being selfish/inconsiderate because of work stress since he was always “too busy” to go out even though he would go on trips by himself. He also refused to introduce me to his family and called me selfish and unempathetic for asking (we had been dating 6 months). When I dumped him, he told me he would be a better man and he was miserable from work, so I thought he would take NC time to reflect and learn to cope with work stress.

When we reconnected, we hung out twice and texted fairly regularly (every other day) for about 1.5 wks. He said he wanted to take me out, but when he had the weekend off, he spent it hiking (with who knows who) and did not text/call. I felt like he hadn’t really changed because if he really did care, he would have contacted me on his days off from work. I unfortunately made the mistake of sending him a bunch of confrontational texts. I was also mad because he ignored me when I saw him in public with his friends (he never introduced me to them because he is “private” since we work in the same circle). So I said some things, and we yelled at each other. I sent a brief apology about 10 days later. Then did NC for 21 days.

He texted me a week ago: “how’s your new job?” I texted him back two days later. No response. Three days later, I was at “our” favorite lunch spot so I texted him. No response.

Why did he text me to not respond?

TH
Cassiopeia Marie

August 9, 2015 at 1:54 pm

Uhm, Can i go for 20 days with the NC? :3

Chris Seiter

August 10, 2015 at 9:32 pm

You can do whatever you want but the most effective is 30 days. Why would you like to do 20 days instead? Is there a something specific coming up?

Elspeth

July 20, 2015 at 5:00 pm

I’m posting here to try to make a closure because I failed miserably on getting my ex back and now giving up. I’m still very sad and somehow clinging on to a tiny hope, although I know the best thing for me now is to let go and move on.

We were on LDR and it wasn’t even a relationship. There was a lot of lust at the beginning, and we didn’t meet frequently because of LD and also busy schedule. Once we discussed seriously and thought it wouldn’t work and I’ve done NC once, 32 days and after that it was good. Although there were issues remained but I decided to give it a try. He was hot and cold, but I tried to be consistent that I didn’t initiate conversation. I wasn’t good at ending conversation, usually led it long into the night, and most of the time ended with him being horny (and guiltily, I even let sexting happened a few time. It was a thing for us when we were tgt, due to long distance)… Then I tried to keep a distance and lower my expectation, because he still didn’t show signs of commitment (I thought it’s understandable as we haven’t met for months). But for a holiday, I went to his city and we slept together. That’s it! I think I blew it off completely. The bad thing is, when we spent time together I fell in love even more, and him, probably less (he was nice but obviously trying to keep an emotional distance). When we said goodbye, I tried to make it easy and smiling (although dying inside) while he appeared to be very sad (and expected me to be sad, but I insisted on fake-smiling). I walked away and he called me, but didn’t run after me.

After that day he sent me short casual msgs but I didn’t answer. I mean, what’s good if it’s alr a LDR, difficult enough, and if he doesn’t commit, no point of staying friends, right? (I tell myself so but well, I’m still hurt and haven’t completely moved on yet. I admit it). I posted on fb about something ends means a new beginning, and he read it (and liked it), so I guess he knows I really don’t want to talk. Just 4 days into this 2nd-NC, it’s his birthday and I broke the NC to send him a text. I know I cracked but I can’t pretend I don’t care. He replied very much later on and with a very neutral – kinda cold – tone. I don’t reply anymore and that’s it. It’s painful because it’s been going on for months and we kept leading each other on. But now I know the bottom line is, it’s not about the long distance, nor the unclear future of our careers, it’s about whether he loves me or not, and he doesn’t. I have to accept the rejection now (when I fell even more in love with him after the visit). It’s so tough but I know I have to learn to move on.

Probably I hope this is the last time I visit this page (sorry Chris, you’ve been a good advisor, I’m just not ungettable enough). I wish not to visit it anymore because whenever I’m here I cling on to that tiny hope of getting him back again. I’ve gone through break-ups before but everytime it’s as difficult or even more than the last. This is gonna take a long time to heal.
Jay

July 2, 2015 at 7:04 pm

Hi,
errm i hurt a girl badly cuz i was in denials in liking her. it’s actually the 2nd time i did her hurt. I fully understand my mistake after the second time.
we’re not talking for like 1 month plus and i made my mind to get her back.
i forgave myself and i’m making myself happier by learning guitar and dancing.
I understand that grand gesture is a mistake, but i never really showed her much affection to her and I wanna record a video of me playing and singing her a happy song, well, in a place she loved to go.
I’ve practiced for quite some time and genuinely wanna make her happy, that’s all.
Is it okay? hope it’s not “grand” huh. if it’s okay, any do and dont for this gesture?
Thanks
April

July 2, 2015 at 4:30 pm

Hi Chris,

I would really appreciate your advice on something. So my ex current;y still lives with me. We agreed to being just friendly ( I know, big mistake right?) However he goes on dating sites and I really can’t handle that. He did something that was really disrespectful towards me by trying to hook up with my friend. We had a talk and we cleared the air a bit. I want him to stay, but I can finally come to peace that I will be hurt over and over again if he continues to go on dating sites and talking to other women while living together. So I gave him a text today saying that what I needed to address is not me coming from a malicious places, rather than just the truth of how I see things. I told him that I’ve felt really disrespected by him and as much as I want to continue to be with him, I can’t put myself in the situation where I’ll allow myself to get hurt over and over again if he is talking to other women. It seems like I have given him an ultimatum, but I am not trying to push him into jumping back into a relationship with me. I do not want to come across as being forceful or needy. Do you think I did the right thing or am I pushing him into a corner? Please help!
Gisela

June 13, 2015 at 9:27 pm

Hi Chris, I just wanted to ask a simple question (kind of). To get started, my boyfriend broke up with me not long ago, and I started the No Contact rule two days ago. The issue is that at the end of this month we will both be going on vacation with our sports team, and i don’t know what to do under those cincumstances. What do you think i should do?
P.D.: your website is great, it helps a lot, even to feel better after the breakup. The rest of articles on the internet seem like yellow sick cat poop compared to yours.
Lots of thank yous 😀
Anna

May 4, 2015 at 9:56 pm

My now ex-boyfriend dumped me after two and a half months of dating (he’s 19 and I’m 24..pathetic, I know) and I still don’t really know why. But after a month of no communication, I texted him and asked if he wanted to have a no-strings-attached relationship. We go to the same school (I took a couple of years off and am taking awhile to get my degree-no judgement) and I have to see him every day. We have been sleeping together for three months now, but it’s only on his terms. I’ve tried texting him to hook up, but he’s always “busy” or he says “not tonight.” And he knows that when he texts me I’ll come running. I don’t really know what to do..we don’t talk to each other at school, we don’t even make eye contact. We don’t kiss when I go over to his apartment, and we hardly even talk. I’m being used and I’m totally allowing it, and the worst part is that I should know better. I mean, he’s a total asshole. And I’m 5 YEARS OLDER THAN HIM. What should I do? No contact at all?

Lissy

September 10, 2015 at 4:44 am

Cut him off cold turkey. Just give him 30 days no contact. If he doesn’t come running back, then you know it meant nothing more than a hookup. (im not Chris but I feel like this is something he would say/ive read these articles inside and out, and girl to girl tips help sometimes too).

Karen

April 29, 2015 at 7:19 am

Chris,

What do you think that I mailed out a card to him but not at his place, its somewhere that he hangs out at and the owners know him and i didn’t put a return address or sign the card …I just put “miss u” on it and one the front of the card had XOXO on the card. It was always how we ended our text and i did wait with the no contact rule for 30 days
Lilly

April 21, 2015 at 3:51 pm

Hi Chris,

I’m currently on day 8 of no contact with my ex, I haven’t spoken to him since the breakup. This weekend there will be an event at a local bar that I’ve been looking forward to for weeks. A band that I really like is playing a show. The problem is.. I know my ex boyfriend will be there. I would hate to miss out on something I’ve been looking forward to because of him, but I also don’t want to break no contact. It’s a small venue and he will definitely see me. Would it be a mistake to go?

Lissy

September 10, 2015 at 4:48 am

How do you know he will be there? Honestly with my experience, I’d say avoid it. Yes you want to go, and I don’t think you should avoid things because he is there, but your still in the emotional phase. Give yourself time to heal. If you don’t think he will go but there is still a chance then go, but just know it will be hard on your emotions and you NEED to keep yourself together, a friendly hi is all that is needed (chris mentions this i believe in the no contact article).

PGALO

April 15, 2015 at 8:44 am

So, my boyfriend left me last week, I’m three months pregnant with his baby. I can’t do this alone and he hasn’t given me any answers. Simply said he realised he wasn’t as happy as he thought. (we had a very loving, soppy relationship, the kind your friends cringe about). So… I’ve already put myself in the FWB zone by sleeping with him – he came over for that and left immediately after. I was naive and thought I would be OK with it because at least I got to be with him. I love him and we had a perfect relationship. He said he doesn’t know how he feels and hasn’t had time to think but that’s because he keeps talking to me about all things sex related and nothing emotional. I can’t do 30 days NC realistically because I need to know whats happening about the baby etc. (my son, from a previous is missing him so much to, he lived with us and just unexpectedly packed his bags and walked out)

HELP!!!!
Sarah

April 11, 2015 at 6:12 pm

Hi Chris. My ex broke up with me 8 months ago because he didn’t think he could make me happy. I went straight into NC. He messaged me a couple of times during this period but I stuck to it. When we bumped into each other in clubs we were friendly and things were on good terms. I worked on myself, making my life better. I went travelling for 4 months and while I was away he messaged me more and more. A few days after I got back we arranged to hang out and we did. It was very friendly, we didn’t talk about anything serious. A few nights later we were both in the same bar and we talked the whole night and he told me he missed me etc. We ended up sleeping together that night. He begged me to sleep over, but I went home afterwards. He text to make sure I got home ok but it’s been a week now and I haven’t heard anything more since. I had thought I was over him and didn’t want to get back together, but after the last few weeks I’ve realised I do want to be with him. What should I do now?
elen

April 11, 2015 at 11:08 am

Hi Chris how do I break the nc rule after a month? What should I say? I have so many conflicting emotions. I love him but i am hurt. Thank you.
Marie

March 18, 2015 at 8:18 pm

Help with The “Quick Fix” For Sleeping With Your Ex Boyfriend!!
Hi!
My ex-boyfriend of 2.5 years and I met up after 6 months of NC. He decided to break up with me arguing lack of love and compatibility, he wanted to be just friends. I opted for NC. During this time he’s been trying to get in touch with me many times, but I was strong.
After 6 months I finally gave in. When we met we had a strong attraction, hugged, kissed and walked around as if we were a couple again. He asked for a second meeting and it took place a week after. There, he opened up and told me how much he misses me and we ended up having sex and went out for dinner and a movie afterwards…. Again holding hands and hugging as a normal couple. Two days after I got a promotion and told him about it, so we met up to celebrate and ended up having sex again…
During our encounters he kept telling me how much he would like us to be friends and I do miss him as my best friend…
He already suggested what we should do next weekend, but hasn’t confirm yet. We like a lot going for pick-nicks and visiting museums…
So my question is: How could I reset/ask him to forget about these couple of sexual encounters and go back to actual just friends? Shall I tell him? Shall I go NC without any explanation till feelings/impulses disappear? This is a man I care and respect a lot… and he has told me that he has the same feelings for me… I would really like to have a second chance to be together.
I have to add that we had a clean and graceful breakup…
Thank you very much for your input =)

admin

March 21, 2015 at 3:07 pm

Friend zone him!

Seriously give it a try.

Yvonne

March 7, 2015 at 5:47 am

My boyfriend broke up with me saying he lost his feelings for me and likes another girl now. He still wants to be friends with me as we friends which became fwb than best friends when he got into a relationship. He said that he was not ready for a relationship and he might like me again in the future. But he is very caught up with the new girl that he doesn’t contact me at all, I initiate all our text messages and he replies very coldly. He said that he still wants to be friends but idk if I can stand seeing him with another girl. What are the chances that this new girl is justa rebound and he would come back to me when he is ready for a serious relationship? I really love him and don’t wanna lose him permanently

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