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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
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Tess
October 23, 2015 at 6:05 pm
My exboyfriend broke up with me because he thinks im boring and very silent. I am following your steps Chris. But, still a bit confused about my next step.
I did the no contact rule for a month and after that I messaged him on the phone saying i passed by.. and remebered him so i wanted to know how he is doing. he responded positively saying he’s ok and he hopes im ok too. He talked to his friend about it asking why he thinks i messaged him (meaning he is confused about it)
I waited for days to see if something will change, but nothing. What should I do now? knowing that our relationship was short and we dont really have a lot of memories together.
Pola
October 22, 2015 at 5:37 pm
I and my ex became weird now..after we broke up. I tried to beg him back..but as u know.. It wasn’t work.. And now we are in the “friend zone”… To be honest now we more like friend with benefits, even at the beginning he said he didn’t wanna this…. I still can get him back?
Chris Seiter
November 19, 2015 at 5:50 am
Don’t let it become friends with benefits. Yes you can but it will be a challenge.
BrittneyLynb
October 22, 2015 at 12:58 pm
Hi Chris,
I am hoping you can help me. I started dating this man and he and I were crazy about each other. We met in a really unique way and everything was great! I’m not a needy girlfriend, I don’t enjoy spending every moment together, that being said he worked in the oil field so he was on call 24/7. He had to cancel plans and work all the time. The last 3 weeks of the relationship he had been working 18 hour days for a week. When he finally had a day off after the first week of not seeing each other and hardly talking because he wasn’t able to at work he had a day off! I was so excited u til I realized he wasn’t asking to see me, instead he went out with a friend. I gave him the benefit of the doubt but made it clear how I felt, I said I didn’t need him and I to be together every moment but after a week he should be wanting to see me. He cried apologized said that I was right, he wanted to see me and be around me and he missed me desperately but he hadn’t seen his friend in 6 plus months and he didn’t know when he would get the time again. Anyway he went out and after he begged me to come over. So I did we didn’t argue but talked and he said that he could t be without me and he couldn’t stand the thought of losing me, he then begged for me not to leave him swearing he’d change. Fast forward to literally one week later, he worked all nights this week so we talked even less and then his first day off he decides that he doesn’t want to tell me he was off and does whatever he did. That night he let slip he had the entire day off and I was just dumbfounded. We didn’t argue but I simply said we literally argued about this last week one week ago. When we resolved the issue then all I asked was if you and I went a week again without seeing each other that the first day you had off let me have some of that time, you said you would only he didn’t. Anywya the same thing happens I went over that night and he cried and begged me never to leave him, said he fully intended to marry me, that my daughter was like his daughter and that he couldn’t imagine being without me. So I forgave him under the pretext he truly would be different, make me some type of priorty. He worked the next day but was off the following and he never messaged me. For two days he didn’t say a word so I took it as he just wasn’t wanting to spend the time with me. I called him and was very kind, said I’m in love with you and adore you but I just don’t feel like right now you want a relationship, I wished him well and that was that. He sent 3 generic I don’t want to break up over the next 3 days but when I said what the issues were he just didn’t respond. I’m now almost a week into the no contact rule and he messaged me yesterday, hey beautiful and when I didn’t respond I got a Baby? I again didn’t respond. My question is is it worth trying to fix? I mean we had made plans together and NY daughter got attached to him, I love him truly I do and other then him not making me any priority at all the relationship truly was magical. I’m just ready for a relationship that matters and he said he wants the same only his actions for 2.5 weeks said other wise. I know this was a book to read and I apologize but I’m just not sure if he was lying the whole time or if he just had some other issue. Thank you so much!!
Clare Webster
October 21, 2015 at 11:03 am
Hi Chris! This site is amazing. I have been crying for days on end and reading through this has settled me down.
I’d been with my ex for a year, I have finished things because he is a very selfish man which has caused many issues and I want him to change. So not only do I want him back I want him to put abit more effort into putting my needs before his occasionally.
Am I asking too much for starters? Will your strategies still work? He would be back tomorrow if I asked him but I want him to want me so badly that he’s willing to change and at present that hasn’t been mentioned 🙁
Thank you in advance
Chris Seiter
January 16, 2016 at 9:05 pm
Hi Clare,
I apologize for the late response.
I just hired someone to help me out with comments.
Big question. Have you implemented any of the strategies taught here?
Lenna
October 20, 2015 at 7:12 am
Hi Chris. Hope you can help me…I broke up with my boyfriend. I texted him that it’s over between us for something he did that I though was selfish of him. he never respond to my text and we both have not had any contacts since; it’s been 3 weeks now. I wonder what he is thinking. I miss him a lot and want to contact him but don’t know what to do.
Joa
October 19, 2015 at 4:11 am
I followed my NC rule of 21 days version.My ex responded in positive yet neutral way. He responds if I only ask about his health .He doesn’t respond to my texts.What to do?Help me out chris
Chris Seiter
October 20, 2015 at 9:43 pm
What are your texts looking like?
Elena
October 17, 2015 at 11:52 pm
My ex responded to the three times I initiated contact with him. Last time we spoke for about 45 minutes and it was nice friendly conversation. He even told me to listen to an album of a concert we went to together last year Anyway I emailed him a dj set yesterday and he hadn’t written back! What the hell?
Elena
October 19, 2015 at 5:09 pm
Scratch this. He did write back 3 days later. But it’s pretty obvious he is keeping me at a distance.
Elena
October 19, 2015 at 12:43 am
They were texts! :- About 7-8 back and forth because of the “lag time” in making him wait.
Chris Seiter
October 18, 2015 at 6:00 pm
45 minutes is to long for a conversation. Men don’t like being on the phone in the first place. That may have set you back a little but don’t worry about it to much. Do no contact for a week and start over. You have to take this slow.
Ella
October 16, 2015 at 2:59 pm
Hi Chris,
First of all: Thank You soooo much! It worked. all of it. The no contact rule, the texing, the lot. Now me and my long distance boyfriend have committed to work on our relationship but to take things slowly. So now, I am here. How do I not mess it up? I do not want to be too pushy, and yet, I want to be in a relationship. So how do i not rush it but keep it interesting enough for him to want me back in his life? One of my conditions for us trying to sort things out was for him to install skype. That was a few days ago. Today, I have suggested to him as a joke to install it and I got an answer: please… don’t push me… ;P
So to be short. I have got my ex (almost?) back. What now?
Chris Seiter
October 17, 2015 at 5:54 am
This article was made for you!!!!
https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-keep-your-ex-boyfriend-once-you-get-him-back/
aarzoo
October 15, 2015 at 6:38 pm
Hey,
So one month into the relationship and we were in two different towns and didnt talk for over 1.5 hours because we were overworked. 4 months later we separated as stress lead to a number of fights. I went all the way from the gifts to the “i love you”s. He told me that he wanted to avoid all contact so we saw each other every day at school and had the same friend circle but pretended to be strangers. I was depressed but with every passing day i got better at pretending. But after a month he walked up to me and said “hi”. He said that since we are graduating in a few months,he didnt want to leave things in a crappy place but he still wants to maintain distances but its not working so well for me no matter how much i try to hide it. What should i do?
Jillian
October 15, 2015 at 8:56 am
Hi Chris,
I have purchased your plan, and I am trying to follow it to the letter. Could you please help me with something?
My ex broke up with me a week before I went to work in the US for 2 weeks.
He knows that i want things to work out between us ( I told him this in our last conversation) , it is him that ended things. Our relationship has been turbulent, when we met 4.5 yrs ago I was going through a messy divorce, my Dad then got cancer and has been very ill. This year my Mom died in Jan and his brother died in July ( both unexpectedly). My past has made me make a lot of decisions out of fear. I have been the text gnat when we were together, insecure etc.. not the best person I can be at all.
I have had therapy since my Mom died but I think it was too late. I was so scared that he would leave me like everyone had ( my ex husband was a serial cheater and abuser) Then after his brother dies the damage had been done.
I have continued to work on myself during NC and I am in a much better place. I am a very high value woman. trying not to act from fear of the past.
I implemented the NC rule and on day 25 he text me to see if I was back from the US. I replied with a short ‘yes xx’ I shared a picture of my hire car ( he is into cars) and he replied within 30 seconds saying ‘Im not jealous at all 🙁 lol xx’
I replied on day 25 before I purchased your guide. If I had purchased before I would of know to ignore his message until day 30 grrr..
I left it at that and received no word from his. Then 8 days after that exchange ( last night) I did the I have a confession text…. I had an instant reply ” Go on confess lol x” I left it an hour, in between I had a chaser text ” longest confession ever? ”
I replied with ” I was looking through my jumpers ( its getting a little chilly now) and found out my Disney fleece. It reminded me of when we went to the Queen outdoor concert. First time I’d ever seen you cold. Singing your heart to Queen in my Mickey Mouse jumper. Made me smile x ”
His reply aprox 30 seconds after me sending the message ” fair enough lol x”
Now I take this as a neutral response? I leave it a week now and then try with a ” thinking of you ” type of text yes?
Do you think that kind of text will work?
Jillian
October 21, 2015 at 11:12 am
Update Chris. He’s just text “miss you 🙁 xxx”
How on earth do you process or answer that. I was not expecting that out of the blue.
Jillian
October 20, 2015 at 12:24 pm
Just a couple of texts, I tried to flirt- perhaps to early saying “i know what will keep you warm” he of course said ” whats that then ” I said ” think of me, Im hot” he replied with ” cheeessseeyy lol ” so I replied ” well I cant deny the truth I am hot, I have this way of warming people from the inside”. His reply ” hehehe x”
euurrrrggghhhh what an idiot am I? This was Friday-now Tuesday and I have not heard a thing or made contact.
Next step ideas??
Chris Seiter
October 22, 2015 at 1:04 am
Haha well that’s one way of getting his attention. Maybe next text try something that interests him. Before you send the text ask yourself how you would feel if you got it from him.
Jillian
October 16, 2015 at 8:06 am
Yes we met online…development from yesterday- he text me first saying it was cold.
I replied referring back to the Disney Jumer- saying tell the truth you just want my Dinsey Jumper lol.
He replied with something about being older and going out for a drive to warm up.
I took that he was then ending the conversation so I did not reply.
How long should I try to leave it now?
Given that in our relationship I was the typical text gnat. This is good for me. Your guide gives an amazing insight into how I did so many things wrong.
Chris Seiter
October 17, 2015 at 5:48 am
How long did this interaction last for?
Text wise I mean.
Chris Seiter
October 16, 2015 at 3:07 am
No, wait a few days and then reach out. I am working on a texting guide as we speak but I really suggest you pick up the Texting Bible (was that the guy you got originally?)
BB
October 14, 2015 at 4:17 pm
Hi Chris! Please help me out;
I met this person about 3 years ago. He was 24 and I was 20, a little bit of a distance relationship but we were only 30 minutes away. The relationship was affectionate, healthy. But then he drifted away to his own interests and said he suddenly realized he wasn’t in love anymore. It’s been a year with no contact, I blocked him for a while.
We’ve talked a little but nothing too interesting, he hasn’t brought any girlfriend up, I attempt to take as long as he does to answer. Do I still have a chance, almost a year later? He never seemed upset by our breakup.
He’s been mirroring me a little bit, he said he saw I graduated (meaning he looked at my profile); I don’t know how distant, flirty or mean/kind to be.
We’ve been messaging each other since Sunday but with hours in between or even days between messages, yesterday he unfriended me again and I don’t have his number. I need to build a connection based only on messages and go from there but he seems really busy. What should I do or say? I can’t come up with a way to be so interesting he WILL have to answer without seeming desperate or too emotional
Chris Seiter
October 16, 2015 at 2:57 am
Believe it or not but I am literally come up with a post right now that furthers the idea on this one. If you are patient a lot of your questions are answered there.
Missy
October 11, 2015 at 12:56 am
Hi Chris,
We were together over a yr and were planning a life. After break up I made contact unfortunately and even while trying NC I was unsuccessful since I responded to msg I would receive. Each time it seemed liked an argument was developing. After 5 months of the break up I was able to successfully do the NC. I then contacted and apologized since he didn’t feel appreciated and loved, however after making contact, I found out he is in a new relationship. Does the new girlfriend constitute as a rebound girlfriend?
C
October 10, 2015 at 10:41 am
Hey!
Well, I started a convo after NC is complete. But my ex doesn’t seems to wanna stop talking though i’ve ended with something that i needed to do. So can I just ignore him for maybe a day or 2? Will it seem rude?
C
October 13, 2015 at 4:10 pm
Anyway, I found out he’s dating someone else. So do I still use the same guidelines in the book in part 1? Like all the memory texts, etc
Chris Seiter
October 14, 2015 at 1:10 am
Yes I would still do that.
How long has he been dating her. Do you know?
C
October 12, 2015 at 12:31 pm
Anyway, is it okay to skip the “interesting story”? I can’t exactly think of anything good that will funny, paint myself in a good light with a tint of jealousy. What can I do instead?
Elena
October 5, 2015 at 12:27 am
What if he asks “why did you decide to contact me again?” or something along those lines? When we broke up i basically told him I was going to act like he was dead (obviously I was very emotional).
I already sent 2 texts and he was receptive, but I am just curious and need to be prepared as to how to answer this because I feel it will come up!
Chris Seiter
October 6, 2015 at 4:01 am
You can either ignore it or just play dumb.
“What do you mean?”
Elizabeth
October 1, 2015 at 6:38 pm
Hello Again Chris,
I find myself writing to you yet again! So I have been absolutely successful in completing 30 days of no contact! Yay me. My ex hasn’t tried to contact me, so I am starting from scratch in coming up with a first text to reach out to him. I am spending quite a bit of time and effort trying to come up with as interesting a text as possible. If you can, please give me your opinion on the below texts I have devised. I do understand that you are very busy.
Option 1:
I spent the afternoon baking and it made me think of you. Honestly, it made me smile! Then I thought about that stuffed chicken breast you made for me…and I confess I drooled a bit. I’d really like to try making it myself sometime.
Shanna Tovah!
Notes: Ex absolutely loves to cook and is very good at it. We both have Jewish families, so the Hebrew Happy New Year seems appropriate. I’m not sure about the bit about me trying to make the chicken bit. Or maybe just straight up ask for the recipe? And the drooling part, I think he would find it funny, but maybe its a bit much. Plus its true. It was the best meal evah.
Option 2:
I had lunch at the Crazy Horse Cafe today and I couldn’t help but remember you taking me for that ride on your bike. The memory made me smile! Just wanted to say thanks for pushing me to broaden my horizons.
Shanna Tovah!
Notes: I think this one is a bit too much like remembering the good ole days. I really like the bit about him pushing me out of my comfort zone though, I was terrified and he knows it. Plus he loves his motorcycle.
Elizabeth
October 3, 2015 at 2:39 pm
Aha! A review of your PRO guide revealed my answer to my previous reply to this comment!
Chris Seiter
October 6, 2015 at 4:12 am
Sweet!
Elizabeth
October 2, 2015 at 5:29 pm
So I just got done reading your PRO guide. Excellent to have all the info in one place. I’m a bit confused though. Do you recommend starting with a “I have a confession” text?
Chris Seiter
October 6, 2015 at 4:19 am
Nope I would use that as my last resort.
Lois
September 27, 2015 at 5:51 pm
I have a question regarding any contact from the ex-boyfriend during the no contact period. I know not to respond to his texts or email, nor answer the phone if he calls save for a few select scenarios. What about the possibility that he may call intending to ask about getting back together, and I don’t answer? My ex-boyfriend seems to have gotten into the habit of calling and not leaving a message when it goes to voicemail rather than texting or emailing anymore. He could be calling for a different reason, too, and I don’t know what the reason is if he doesn’t leave a message and I don’t answer.
Veronica
September 23, 2015 at 10:29 am
Hi Chris! Before anything .. Thanks thanks for share with us in this terrible time your wise ideas… Thanks for make all a bit easier… ?
I have been followed you for a while exactly a months when after my bf dumped on me. As normal I was sad, anxious crying and
I did the NC and before the 30 days he contact me texting me exactly yesterday. He said Hey Ronnie ! (This a special name that he used to called me when we together) which it’s surprising. I ignored him and he txt after ten minutes again.. Are u there?! And I was so nervous excited and Wow!! Do dent know what to do but yes I did replied after a while twenty minutes.. My respond was “hey.. Yes I am… What’s up” and then came out with have u been in place recently..!? Me ; what?! Him: the lady in reception told me about a fob key and a girl and I really don’t know what she is talking about..! Me: I haven’t been since last day you leaved. Me again; thanks no me. Sorry!
He txt me back and asked “how are you?”
And after like an hour replied and I said ; I am good thanks!. How was China? (I was there for work) he: I was ok , but I really didn’t like..
That’s all yesterday after a break up, we have been together for almost two years and we have a very quality relationship happy I would said.. ( my reason for him split up are insecurities and he doesn’t know what to do afraid of commitment) I do love him so much and for me all of this it’s been very difficult.. I been holding to not contact him for so long… And I was waiting he to be the first… I dunno how to handle with my situation now.. I really wanted to be with him.. He motivated me , encourage me .. He meant a lot to me… (I have a daughter form another relationship (but none one its involved on this its just me and her)I always have been very independent always, leaving in a foreign country , I am raising my daughter on my own, have been graduate all without family support as it just me and her. He show caring and we had been holidays skiing as a family… Believe it’s always that I have done… I do believe he love me.. Lot.. But not sure what to do now, Chris. Just a bit of your personal advice how to handle this… I have not idea ? Scare to completely loose him but I have to said that the pain it’s lower but the hopes still growing.. Phew! Well it’s a bit of the history. (He just txt me again whiling writing this lol) asked if still working in the same place ?!) way do?! Helppp.. Love him.
Thanks thanks for everything and congratulation for all the hard work! Lot of love !!
Veronica ?
Kate
September 23, 2015 at 1:24 am
Hi! So my ex and I have been broken up for 2 months after a year together. He said that he realized he wasn’t ready for something so serious and that he wasnt sure he loved me. I sent him one message the day after the break up telling him I thought we were worth at least talking and seeing if we can work things out and after getting a cold and distant response and readig this went no contact for a little over a months for a half. He didn’t call during no contact but his response when I texted him after the month was positive. He seemed interested in talking to me and was asking questions to keep the conversation going. I ended the conversation after a few messages of catching up and he sent a text after I said goodbye telling me he still had some of my stuff I had asked him to give back and that he’d get it back to me. I’m just wondering if after the initial contact with that kind of response should I give it some time to see if he contacts me or how long should I wait to reach out to him again?
no name
September 20, 2015 at 5:40 pm
my story is too different and I need help so I want my bf back and he said me after breakup if u want to back in relation I am there for you but I need his that old passionate love I know he still luv but don’t know why he is ignoring me we always chat but now he never text me first if I text only then he reply I want him to propose me again
Jen
September 17, 2015 at 5:11 am
Hey Chris!
Ok well anyone who happens to read this can also reply haha. We broke up in kind of a weird way. He was overwhelmed with life and wanted a break and started ignoring me, I eventually (being the impatient person I am. Fixing that during NC though 😉 ) gave him an ultimatum where I said if he didn’t respond by a certain time then I’d take that as him breaking up. The time came, he ignored my calls, I sent the break up txt, and went straight into NC. I’m almost at the end of NC now (yayyyy I made it! Working on that patience 😉 ) with 5 days left. He hasnt contacted me but he is EXTREMELY stubborn so I expected this.
Now, my question is about the first text. I’m thinking I should say “omg the craziest thing just happened that made me think of you. You’ll never guess lol”. Does that sound irresistible? Haha maybe take off the lol.
LOVEEEE your site btw Chris! Your work and contributions to ex girlfriends is amazing. Seriously, thank you! 🙂
Chris Seiter
October 2, 2015 at 4:41 pm
Yes I love that text.
Jen
September 25, 2015 at 8:39 pm
I actually put up an updated comment on another article. Unfortunately, he did not respond 🙁 . Three days before the end of my NC, he liked a pic I posted of myself at the beach on Instagram. We did not speak though. I sent the message above when NC ended and I never got a response. I tried to go back into NC for a week but i sort of failed. I didn’t text him but I refollowed him on Twitter and favorited something hed tweeted a few minutes before (I unfollowed him on Twitter and Instagram when we broke up to stop myself from stalking, but he still follows me on both and can see everything if I post). He surprisingly favorited one of my tweets from 3 weeks ago within the hour. He had to go pretty deep through my tweets to find that! He seems like hes trying to get attention/has thought about me because hes been looking at my social media profiles and playing a little “game of tag” through liking posts so why would he ignore my text?
Also, for my next text attempt and the end of the week Im waiting, I was thinking of doing the “confession” text, saying:
“Hey! =) Long time no speak. Theres something Ive been wanting to tell you..”
Do you think thats interesting enough since Im assuming hes been thinking about me and he probably knows Ive been thinking about him since I refollowed him and favorited his tweet? I wanted to keep it positive from the beginning because hes the type to jump to the worst if I were just just say “Theres something I need to tell you..” or “I have a confession..”. Also because he seems to have been down lately according to his tweets (hes been smoking wayyyyy more and even tweeted he hasnt been sober in two weeks! Coping?) If he responds, I plan on saying:
“A couple things have been reminding me of you lately so I thought Id reach out. I want you to know that I have absolutely no negative feelings toward you. I actually smile if you cross my mind lol. Anyway, I still want good things for you and I hope youre doing good 🙂 ”
He is extremely stubborn, sensitive (even though he tries to hide it), a bit insecure, has a strong fear of failure, and even though he never really confirmed/acknowledged the break up (hed wanted a break because he needed to get his life together, a week later I gnatted him, gave him an ultimatum, and then broke up with him through text. None of which he ever responded to) I know for a fact almost that he is victimizing himself.
Given all of that, am I approaching “first contact 2.0” the correct way?