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niti desai
October 13, 2016 at 10:53 am
Hi…i had a bf.n broke up with him due to fights between us.but he had already goven me commitment but due to this fight he got so angry with me that he decided to get engage with another girl liked by his family.his family didnt approve me due to caste reasons.then i started pleading and begging .but he was chasing me and showing that on cloud 9 kinda attitude.but after days he realised his mistake and came back again.then started saying i wil break this engagement in some time.so in order to make him jealous i also told him that i waoted for u but u didnt turn up so my parents already found a guy for me n m fixed up with him.he started begging n pleading.then aftrsum days i accepted it.n v decided to break with our fiances and now i told him i broke with my fiance bt hes not ready to break coz his mom died 2 months back.he wants 2 break witj that girl but family is the reason.n his dad is in hirry to marry him next month itself.now what do i do in order to get hi.m back.i cant love without him.how i chase him please suggest.how do i attract him so that he decides to break up with that other girl.????plz reply fast
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 13, 2016 at 6:20 pm
Hi Niti,
I answered your first comment. I’m just going copy my answer there and paste it here ok?
Hi Niti,
are you really engaged to another man or you just said that to him? Do you want to try doing the no contact rule? You have to set a time limit on until when you wait because obviously he looks like he’s just making you wait for nothing
Julia
October 12, 2016 at 6:50 pm
Hello
Me and my ex are both 20 years old and have been dating for the past four years. We had an amazing relationship that seemed to be getting stronger and stronger over time. A little over a month ago he left for university ( only two hours away) and he was set on making sure our relationship worked under these new circumstances. He even broke down before leaving telling me he didn’t want him leaving to be the reason for our break up. We managed to see each other once a week but were both still struggling to adjust considering we were used to seeing each other almost every day for the last 4 years. After only four weeks into him being gone he broke up with me and told me that he is having such a good time there with his new friends and is constantly busy that he hasnt really been thinking of me and feels like we are losing our connection and that he is falling out of love with me. I feel so blindsided and confused as to how his feelings for me could change so drastically after such a short period of time away from each other. I was considering following the no contact rule but I don’t know how this could actually help considering the reason he left me was because our lack of contact and I’m scared it will only push him away further. Please give me any advice on what I should do.
Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 13, 2016 at 11:02 am
Hi Julia,
if you kept talking, he’ll probably just friendzone you and won’t miss you.. He’s in a grass is greener sydrome. Read the article I will link below:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
Kerry
October 11, 2016 at 2:27 pm
lets be realistic here, almost everytime a couple break up they delete each other off their social media accounts. So please tell me, how will they see you looking and doing so well if they no longer have you on social media? Specifically if you had a long distance relationship and can’t plan to just bump into them
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 5:24 pm
Hi Kerry,
You have to keep your posts public, so that they can see it through another account.. because that’s how they would probably do it.
K
October 11, 2016 at 1:36 am
Does no contact work on a man with fears of intimacy who essentially ghosted me (totally withdrew, became very uncomfortable and said he didn’t think he could give me what I wanted, when I told him I’d like to see him more and suggested twice a week instead of once, but also opened up a little more emotionally. He said we would talk more, but I could tell by how stressed he was we wouldn’t. I truly feel like it was fear based. His mom committed suicide as a child, then had mean stepmom. He equates love with pain) at seven mos. when our relationship was getting to the emotionally intimate and vulnerable stage? Before that, we had a really great r/s never fought, he initiated all calls and dates, etc. It’s been 6 weeks and other than him liking two of my Facebook posts a few weeks later, we have had no contact. I was going to give it 8 weeks.
Also, I’m scared if he sees pic of me with a guy friend on Facebook he might unfriend me. He liked two of my Facebook posts, but the last two posts other guys were flirting and making comments on and I feel like that is why he didn’t like them. Your thoughts?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 4:36 pm
Hi K,
There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work.. but if he’s being like that because of trauma then he has to get professional help.. There’s no work around it unless he comes to terms with it. You can’t force him to do it. So, the best you can do is to set your own limits on until when you’ll be there and until when you’ll hope.
K
October 9, 2016 at 2:01 pm
Hi,
We have been on and off and basically she can’t commit to the next level due to her own baggages. She has been sending me random stuff even when we said this is finally and we won’t be trying anymore.
Is she missing me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 7:36 am
Hi K,
it can be.. maybe she’s using the stuff to stay connected to you..
Maria
October 9, 2016 at 12:53 pm
Me and bf were together for 3 years then we broke up but I never let go and after three months seeing him again he asked me to move back which I did. Then after 9 months we broke up again and I moved out again…after a few months wr dating again for 9 months i went away for 1 month and when I came back he dumped me again. I alwaya felt insecure and last in the row during our entire relationship. He was always their financially but could never say loves me in the 4 years and 6 months we were together. Once he told me if he say so now I wont believe him. Me and his kids had to sort ourselves out ahen we disagree and they were never respectful. So.I did stand up for myself but it turned out negative against me. I did not contact him for a few days but today I asked him if we can break up slowly so I can get use to it and he agrees that we can go watch a.movie today …he said he will watching sport till 12 …he tect me after that and say he still got.work to do will aee me at 5pm…I can feel that he is not looking forward really but I also cant understand why he still want to do if after he broke up and he ignored me the first three days untill last night when I text him and ask if we can break up slowly…I know I am stupid…maybe he does care and maybe he does not…so we going to a.movie at 5 pm …what must I do after that…seeing that I was the one asking if we can break up slowly.so I can get use to not seeing him anymore…I love this guy and I am not young anymore neither is he….Please give me some advice except.for the NC advice…..Thanks
Maria
October 9, 2016 at 12:55 pm
Sorry for the mistakes…
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 7:15 am
Hi Maria,
check this one:
How To Get Over An Ex Boyfriend When You’re Still In Love With Him
K
October 7, 2016 at 8:20 am
Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2,5 years. We were highschool lovers and are now in College. On our two year anniversary he broke up with me, saying I was too needy, didn’t do anything for myself etc. I told him I am going to change and I realized I was wrong. I did try to change in the beginning and it got better but not as good as it should have been. But still, it wasn’t about me. He changed a lot. He used to read books and be mentally active, play instruments, think about the world but with the time he stopped doing that, only thinking about his body and fitness and friends. It made him superficial, to be honest. So in August when I was on vacation he kind of stopped texting me and was super weird. He then said he doesn’t know if he still wants a relationship with me. It ate me up. He left me hanging like this for about a month, he couldn’t decide whether to stay or leave me. We then decided to get some distance but it didn’t work very well, still texting, saw each other sometimes. I couldn’t handle it anymore, everytime we saw each other I couldn’t touch or kiss him. So I told him this is not working and I want him to make a decision. I told him about all his changes that I’ve noticed and he told me I am right, he has changed. He said he doesn’t have the time to do all the things I fell in love with again cause he has to focus on his study and fitness. I told him what’s most important to me is that he treats me the way he should treat me. Not let me down and leave me behind. Be there for me. He said he loves me but it’s not enough to stay in a relationship with me. I told myself to not beg for his love but I ended up crying and mentioning this and that if we could try this and that. He said it’s better to break up (“for now”). I asked him if he still wishes us to be together after he figures out what he wants for his life and he said yes. He said therefore we need to stay in contact though after, he said “you assimilated our breakup”. I told him the first couple of days I needed some distance and then if he cares for me we can still stay in contact. He said he doesn’t know how long it’ll take for him to find his path, weeks, months, years. He said he still would like to be with me even if I had a boyfriend during that time. But I don’t think I am going to stop loving him anytime soon. Our relationship was very strong, actually. I cried when he said he could possibly have a new girlfriend but he said not anytime soon though. I then said why do you say that, you said you don’t wanna miss the opportunity to get back together with me? And he said “We’re just talking about this because you asked me so, you’re hurting yourself by asking me this”. It’s been three days now. During the day I’m fine but in the evenings and nights I start crying and missing him. Not because I’m lonely. I miss his aura, I miss the way I feel while being around him, I miss laughing with him, I miss the way he makes me be a better person and how he motivates me to be better. I miss his humor and how he makes me laugh.
So yesterday evening I was on instagram, but I deactivated my main account. I have a business account and I got on his page. He never posted anything, he was never into social media but then he posted a pic of his naked upper body. I saw him following girls I didn’t even know. It just made me tear up and I was so hurt. I thought I got stronger since the past few weeks it already felt like a breakup to me. But it just hurt me so much. I don’t know why he is doing that when he said he doesn’t wanna get into a new relationship yet anyway and doesn’t think about that stuff atm anyway. We were our first loves and never had anyone before us and I just can’t imagine him to have one night stands or have rebound relationships but why would he post a picture like that and follow girls then? I don’t get it. I’m just so hurt. Writing this just made me tear up again. The craziest thing is that we both moved to the same place cause we decided to study at the same university when we were together. He lives like 20 meters away from me. I thought he would focus on his studys just like I do but he went home already yesterday and posted that pic of him, tagging two of his fitness friends. It just made me so sad that he doesn’t really try to cope with the breakup, he tries to ignore it and distract himself with friends and a nude picture? Following other girls? I’m just so hurt. So my friends tell me not to contact him at all, that I need to accept that he has changed and that he just does those things right now what he thinks he needs to do. They tell me to move on and forget about him. My cousin just recently got back together with her boyfriend and it took them 3 months to get back together. She told me it’s okay to contact him now. She said I shouldn’t give him the feeling that I don’t care about our past relationship anymore, she said I should show him that I still care. I don’t know if there’s a difference between me and her since she and her bf grew up in Asia but they moved to the US a few years ago. She’s younger than me. I’m 20. I don’t know if you should cope with breakups differently depending on your ethnicity. My bf is half Asian. I know that I should stick to the no contact rule but I’m also afraid it’ll show him I don’t care about him anymore. I’m afraid he might get intimate with someone else even though I don’t think he would but his actions on instagram make me question my thoughts about him. It would hurt me too much if he got intimate with someone else. My question is what you think about my situation and what I should do. Yes, I want to get back together with him but I also know that right now it’s not the right time to contact him already and he needs time to figure things out on his own. I’m just afraid I’m losing the connection to him, mentally. I’m afraid we’re going to drift apart. My cousin told me it’s harder to get back together if we don’t stay in contact. I’m not ready yet either, I need to work on myself as well. But I just don’t want him to think I don’t care about him anymore. My cousin suggested me to be friendly to him and still care about him, just like friends but still talk about private stuff like we were in a relationship. She said I need to show him that I still care and that I’m not giving up on him BUT accepted the breakup. What do you think? I really don’t want to lose him. Not because I fear being alone but because being with him makes me be a better and happier person than I am already. I have been researching about this topic on every website I know and I wrote down things which I need to focus on, e.g. fon’t want to him to think I’m trying to reel him back in, I just want to seem like an old friend reflecting on fond memories. remain kind and sincere, confident and natural, if he accomplished anything great, letting him know I still think he is someone special may just spark a flame that has’nt yet gone out, reminding him of the good we brought to each other by telling him about an achievement or a decision I made that he always wanted me to go for. But it also says that by no means, I can make the first contact. Gurus always say to not text back if he does text me but my cousin says I should reply friendly and stay committed and I do agree with her to some extent. Let me know what I should do. I’m really confused. I don’t want to lose him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 9, 2016 at 3:39 pm
HI K,
unfortunately, the books are only available through credit card for now.. If it’s really about him knowing how much you still love him, then why didn’t that stop from liking other girls pics?
Kristy
October 6, 2016 at 7:57 pm
Hello,
So basically the guy I’ve been with for 6 months broke up with me after he found out he’s going to be working more and may need to deal with a family members health issues. We had kind of a “off” week for us and I found out his family keeps in touch with his ex which made me insecure. Then he found out about work and his family member and it was like “I can’t do this”. We have spent almost every day of the last 6 months together, have always been very “together” even when we would
Bicker a lot. All of a sudden he said he needs to focus on his things and can’t have arguing in the back of his mind during it. He feels awful for hurting me and keeps saying he doesn’t want to string me along but needs time etc etc. yet, he is liking my fb pics and texting me. I feel borderline friend zoned, but when I didn’t talk to him he posted a weird status. He always responds if I text him and I’m planning on trying no contact but a part of me feels like he’s just done. I don’t understand how he went from so attentitive and caring to this. What do I do??
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 9, 2016 at 2:33 pm
Hi Kristy,
whether he’s done or not, I think you need to start doing the no contact period to heal… if you keep taking to him, would that help you to get him back?
Love Bug
October 4, 2016 at 2:57 pm
So I’m currently in no contact, however my ex contacted me three days in and ask me if I was ok because of some activities taking place near me. He said he knew I didn’t want him to text me but he still had to. I didn’t reply and he never texted back. I’m now wondering if I did the right thing not replying and if he will ever try to reach out to me again or even try to get me back. I am now day 7 of no contact.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 6, 2016 at 7:25 pm
he probably will stop but that just because he respects your space not because he’s angry…
April
October 4, 2016 at 5:49 am
A year ago, me and my bf broke up. I begged and pleaded in the first week after the break up and then came across this site so I pulled NC on him immediately. 15 days later, we got back again. Now, just recently, specifically a year after our first break-up, we broke up again. We kind of had a “closure talk” already three days after the break-up but I still want him back and now, I’m on my second day of NC. Will this still work on him the second time around?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 6, 2016 at 12:31 pm
Hi April,
There’s no guarantee that it will, but I suggest that you stick to it this time. Do it for 30 days no contact
V
October 3, 2016 at 10:20 pm
Saw this site by chance just now. What do you do if his depression was the cause of the breakup?
He said Im prefect, but he is under alot of life stresses, and doesn’t want the guilt of dragging me down. At the start I texted out of concern for him but now Ive been NC a month, doing my own thing. Not sure how to approach this.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 6, 2016 at 9:13 am
Hi V,
that’s actually the right approah.. you cant control him so the best you can do is to give him space and let him heal.. I hope he went to therapy
Kayley
October 2, 2016 at 11:04 pm
Hello! Neither me nor my ex have social media pages and we don’t really have mutual friends. Do you think this hinders my chances since he won’t be able to see how I’m having fun and moving on? Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 5, 2016 at 7:09 pm
hi Kayley,
Yes it does. So you have to open a social media account and be active in it because even if he doesn’t have one it doesn’t mean he won’t check yours. Even if he knows that you don’t have one before, it doesn’t mean he won’t get curious and try to find out if you did open one after you broke up with him. So open a social media account nd be active in it and make your posts public.
Kayley
October 2, 2016 at 11:02 pm
Hello! Neither me or my ex are on social media and we don’t really have any mutual friends (even though we dated for a of couple of years). Do you think this hinders my chances since he can’t see that I’m moving on?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 5, 2016 at 7:09 pm
hi Kayley,
Yes it does. So you have to open a social media account and be active in it because even if he doesn’t have one it doesn’t mean he won’t check yours. Even if he knows that you don’t have one before, it doesn’t mean he won’t get curious and try to find out if you did open one after you broke up with him. So open a social media account nd be active in it and make your posts public.
Elaine
October 2, 2016 at 6:31 pm
Hi,
Im 23 and my ex is turning 29 in a couple weeks. I recently broke up with him about 2 weeks ago because I caught him cheating on me via text with another woman. I kicked him out the next day, and sent a flury of hurtful texts. My ex told me that it wasn’t what he wanted, and he was only talking to the girl about smoking, but I knew better because the texts calls were composed for the past two days only night and were pages long.
Anyways, my ex texted me that he loved me and how he hoped I found someone that could make me happy as he couldn’t, and that he didn’t want this for us, but I made the decision for him when i called the cops because he wouldn’t leave my apartment. I asked him for my keys as he had already removed all his stuff and went to live with a friend, and I also told him we needed to separate our family phone plan. He agreed, but when i tried calling him so we could do so, he never responded. I then went to the phone account only to see he was also still talking to the girl I accused him of cheating on me with, so in a fury, after I texted the girl about how she helped ruin my relationship, I texted him a very scornful and hateful LONG text about how I wish he could burn in hell, how I couldn’t stop crying, how i gave him everything and how I never wanted to see him again. I then terminated his phone line, and changed my number.
We were never friends on fb, so that was easy enough, but I blocked him just in case. After I had calmed down a couple days later, I sent a fb message about what exactly he did that hurt me and how it wasn’t just about how I thought he was cheating. It was more along the lines of he wasn’t ready to grow up and still had the mindset of a college, frat-boy without the college part. I am in nursing school so my priorities were different.
We had made plans to get engaged within the next couple of months, and we were going to start a family shortly after.
I have been completely torn, depressed and going pyscho as I miss and still love him dearly. He hasn’t returned my fb message, but I have begun implementing the 30 NC rule. It’s been about a week now since I last contacted him, and I am trying to work on myself.
I want my ex back terribly even after I kicked him out and broke up with him, but I also want him to realise how he made me feel in our relationship. I felt neglected as his friends, video games, smoking and going out til 2 am all the time became priorities. My ex and I didn’t feel like a couple. I felt like we were roommates living in a frat house as guys and girls were always coming in and out.
I just hope he can see the choices he made and will want to better himself. My ex wasn’t around a very positive crowd as all of his friends were single, lonely “frat” guys looking for a good time. My ex and I had plans of settling down soon, but it seemed like that was far in between.
Please help me.
I want him back, but I want him to be a man, and not the little boy I was dealing with all the time.
Elaine
October 23, 2016 at 10:16 pm
Hi Amor,
I’m coming close to the end of NC and I had a question, once the NC period is over, should I contact my ex or should I wait for him to contact me as a means of that he’s changed? I don’t want to contact him and then make myself seem as though I am chasing him after I initiated the NC rule so he could essentially grow up. I know we talked about not forcing him to change, but I want to be sure he’s changed before I even think about getting back with him. How will I know?
Elaine
October 11, 2016 at 1:31 pm
I’m sorry Amor,
last question. It hasn’t been a good 21 days yet, and my ex already sent me a fb message stating ” I hope you have a great life and find someone to make you happy. I’m sorry things had to be this way it’s not what I wanted, but you’re better off with me. It hasn’t been easy, I’m trying to stay on my grind and get my life straight. Just not making the money I need right now. Thank you for everything.”
How would you handle that situation? I haven’t responded back as I think this is a ploy for me to sweet talk him or soothe his hurt and pain, but I don’t know. I don’t want to seem heartless, but at the same time, why is he stating that now he wants to get his life straight? Now he wants to “get on his grind?” These were things I were stressing to him about during the duration of our relationship. No matter how many times I cried, begged, pleaded, yelled, patiently waited and calmly listened to his broken promises, he still did what he wanted when he wanted. Now that I kicked him to the curb and he has to fend for his own, all of sudden he wants to get his life straight and all of a sudden he is struggling to make ends meet. I know I can’t baby him, but should I respond to what he said? I know there are exceptions to the NC rule such as if an ex said, “let’s get back together” or etc.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 5:22 pm
I know it’s hard.. but you really have to stay strong in not responding to that.. that’s a good sign though..
Elaine
October 7, 2016 at 7:08 pm
Thank you again!
I just wanted to let you know that I did break the NC rule with him. I fb messaged him to make sure he was alright because of Hurricane Matthew that was coming through. He messaged me back that he was safe and asked if I was.
Is this an exception to breaking the rule? Can natural disasters be an exception?
Anyways, I have to start my 45 count all over again today. I would have felt downright insane and awful if I hadn’t of checked in on him to make sure he was okay and safe. A lot of people along the coast were in HUGE trouble, and I didn’t know where my ex had moved to.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 10, 2016 at 12:01 pm
I understand.. Well, I think it’s ok now.. since it was really like an emergency…
Elaine
October 6, 2016 at 5:01 am
Thank you for the reply Amor.
You are right. I can’t force a person to change, I can only stay true to my standards.
I did break the no contact rule a couple times this week. We have Hurricane Matthew close by so I sent him a couple of fb messages to see if he was okay. There was no response, and didn’t even seem like he was online, so I sent him an email, and even went as far as reinstating him on our shared phone plan so I could try calling him. There was still no response. I even tried texting his sister who hadn’t heard from him, and when I tried fb messaging his friends, they gave me no response even though they updated their fb statuses constantly. I was really worried since the hurricane is so close. I still haven’t heard from him, so I take it he is okay and may just be ignoring me?
I think I may have went too far, so now I have to start the NC rule all over again, but I’m just nervous. Part of me thinks he may have gone back to an ex, while the other part thinks he may be living out on the streets somewhere.
We had plans Amor. He was saving for an engagement ring, and planned on proposing witin the next couple of months. We had just talked about it.
But I was getting fed up with his “partying” attitude, I didn’t feel appreciated and then I suspected he was cheating on me
What should I do?
How long should I implement the NC rule?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 7, 2016 at 5:08 pm
Do at least 45 days, and just focus in yourself.. He’s an adult and he has a lot of friends, he’s probably staying in one..
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 5, 2016 at 4:41 pm
Hi Elaine
You can’t force a person to change. That’s why you need to be clear with your standards. But I think you’ve already told him what you wanted and what he did to hurt you so right now the better thing to do is to start doing the no contact rule and to start focusing on healing and improving yourself.
Gwen
October 2, 2016 at 7:47 am
Hello,
My Boyfriend and I broke up just now, we have been on and off dating each other for about 6 months. Within this period, he once told me he was interested in another girl, but I tried to convinced him to stay for awhile longer, so I set a timeframe of a month before letting him go. Who knows that I was found pregnant at the second last week, and he decided to drag it a bit longer and we will end off the relationship after going through abortion. Since he loves the other girl so much and he wanted to try dating her. The day after coming back from the clinic, I decided to just let him go and thought of going through the abortion on my own, I talked to him and he decided to start an official relationship with me. He promised me that things will not be the same anymore, he won’t be seeing any other girls when he’s in a relationship, and also to take care of each other forever. Everything seems so wonderful, until the day before the actual abortion. He met up with the girl he is seeing and the girl insisted of being just friends with him and she doesn’t see any hope between them, he came back crying and telling me that he can’t bring himself to me and all the time he has been just trying to make me happy out of responsibility. He says he can’t stand me anymore, he’s sick of me. We argued and he started to keep distance from me. After coming back from the abortion, I texted the other girl and we met up and talked. She assured me that she will not start a relationship with my Boyfriend at all and they will just be friends. I went back and talked to my Boyfriend the next Morning about me meeting up with the other girl. He lashed out and stomped out of his place, he was rude and harsh on me. And he decided to break up with me by saying that we are done. I apologised to him, I told him I could do anything to make up to him, but he just keep telling me that things will not work out anymore. I let him cool off for the night, but I didn’t leave him, I went to sleep early. Before he turned in that night, he tapped me and apologised for being too rude and harsh on me, we hugged and continue sleeping. The next day, i decided to go for a party with my girlfriends, and he went for a dinner with the other girl (cause after talking to me, she finds that she should listen to his perspective too, since they are friends). I came back and he seems pretty normal, he waited for me to come home, get me drinks and chat about my night for awhile and we go to bed. The next morning, I woke up and asked him if he’s still planning to keep a distance from me, and he replied yes. He really doesn’t wanna be with me anymore. I asked him if he wants me to leave so badly, and he answered yes. So I left. I’m sorry for the Long post, I really experiencing uncommon situation, what can I do now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 4, 2016 at 7:47 pm
HI Gwen,
start no contact and then focus in healing yourself.. do it independently.. If he really loves you, he shouldn’t have done everything that he has done. Stop chasing. It’s time to put yourself first now..
dalane
September 30, 2016 at 5:05 pm
the first step… In the no contact rule you said no contacting him and if he contacts you to not respond. how long do we stay away?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 1, 2016 at 8:08 pm
Hi Dalane,
it depends on your situation.. no contact rule is not recommended for all
Hailey Rogers
September 29, 2016 at 5:36 pm
Me and my boyfriend have been friends for about 3-4 years, and we’ve been dating about 2 years (we broke up a while back for a few months, but that was because we both decided to get back together later on when we had more time for each other((we went to different schools, we got back together when he started going to my same school)), so it was fine and mutual.)We got together, and from then on we’d been together for about a year and 4 months. A bit of background here: At the start of our relationship he was a bit immature and I was insecure, and he’d talk about other girls attractiveness sometimes and he told me straight up that sometimes he thought of sleeping with other people (oh, but MOST of the time he only thought of me, he said!) anyways, i held a grudge about it even after the point where deep down i knew he wasn’t like that anymore; it caused me to get angry and spiteful easily about the littlest things (mostly out of jealousy) and i always knew it was wrong but i couldn’t help it. It was a strain, but we were still remotely happy and loved each other very much. We had a lot of good times and always enjoyed being around each other, over the summer (2016) we had very little arguments, it was great! but then, school started for both of us and he got very stressed and i got very depressed, which caused me to start lashing out out of jealousy more than probably ever before in our relationship. With him being this stressed out, he just couldn’t take it. He stopped texting me (even though i knew he was texting with other people, so i know he wasn’t too busy) And eventually he texted me and said (in short) Hailey, I can’t do this anymore. We need a break. We’ll talk again when we’re both steady with ourselves (sept. 9) He said we should try again in October (when his sports are over). Well, later that night i texted him and he accused me of being some fake girl account that was messaging him (which he had already been talking to for a few days; behind my back, mind you. He had only recently thought it was me) we had an argument over the fact he was talking to other people behind my back, and at that point he was fed up and said all it is is bullsh*t, and that he’s done for good unless he changes his mind. I started telling him i had real reasons to be upset and not to be like that, but he was like that anyways. The next day I came to school (we’re seniors in highschool, if you could treat this like an actual relationship and not a high school fling that’d be great :-)) he acted like nothing happened… he acted like my boyfriend. I said to him, “i’m confused” he said me too. The next day he actually for real ended it. He said he didn’t know if it was goodbye for good, but it’s goodbye for now (and a bunch of other painful details.) I said okay. I was very torn up, i still am, and it’s been 3 weeks. One of my friends spoke to him, and he ended up telling her that he thinks he wants a year to himself, that he doesn’t know if he’ll ever want me back, that if i’m so concerned about it to just move on. This boy was very heavily in love with me just a bit over a month ago, and now he acts like he seriously never knew me. He’s been going to parties and getting drunk (out of character) and he honestly acts like I never existed in his life. He doesn’t try to talk to me at school at all and if i were to text him he ignores me. He said to my friend that even though he cares for me and “loves” me (whatever that means) he’s not interested in talking to me for a pretty long time… I’m afraid he’ll move on (if he hasn’t already) and find someone else. Aside from our arguments (even though they were pretty hasty, really never lasted longer than about an hour) we had a very good relationship prior to school starting… how can he just swipe me off his shoulder like that? Is he just really really good at hiding his feelings? Does he not love me anymore, just like that? I’ve been trying to do the same, not talk to him and try to not be around him too much, pretty much act like he’s acting but it’s a lot harder for me. He’s a pretty closed book, hard to figure out… so i don’t know what to think. I was hoping an actual expert could give me some advice because I feel like i’m the only one hurting and that can’t be normal. In these 3 weeks we’ve been apart i’ve seriously started to realize i was wrong to get so angry so often, and I’m so much less insecure because him leaving really put things in perspective to me. As a person, i’m a lot happier with myself… but i miss him so much and it hurts that he doesn’t even seem to think about me at all.
Hailey Rogers
October 5, 2016 at 4:50 pm
Last friday I went to him and asked him when he would stop acting like i dont exist, he was cold and distant and wouldnt make eye contact with me. he said “i thought we broke up for a reason” and then, he said as he walked away “In time i will”
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 7, 2016 at 3:17 pm
oh, that means you broke no contact rule.. That means you have to restart the count and do it properly.. No more chasing, no more asking and checking. Just focus in improving yourself.
Hailey Rogers
October 1, 2016 at 1:32 pm
well ive been doing the no contact rule for about 22 days now… hes still cold and distant toward me. what about that? do you think hes just trying to cover up his feelings? theres no way he could be over me this quickly
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 4, 2016 at 3:58 pm
How did you know he is still cold and distant during no contact? Is it because he’s not initiating? Have you been improving yourself? If he sees you personally and talks to you, would he think you have changed? Would he be comfortable to talk to you again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 1, 2016 at 10:14 am
Hi Hailey,
If he really just got angry because you kept lashing out on him, then just let him cool off.. yeah, you probably had the right reasons to be angry because he kept texting other people but it looks like he got tired of it.. not saying it was all your fault but the situation could have been handled better.. I think him partying is his way of coping with the break up.. but try to increase your chances by doing the no contact rule.. Improve yourself and go out more with friends
Sunshine1234
September 28, 2016 at 11:58 pm
Hi EXboyfriendRecovery! Thanks for everything you guys have done.
I successfully did 30 days NC, and I was invited to his birthday party. Everything was going so well, he even kissed me, introduced me to his family again, made plans and we had a great night. But at the end of the night I ended having too many drinks and started bringing up the breakup, which he initiated. He wanted to stay friends but I told him that his friendship is not good enough for me, that I know what I want and what kind of love I deserve. I proceeded to tell him that was the last night he would ever see or hear from me again. Then in my angry rage I deleted him off of all my social media accounts.
I eventually sobered up and realized that was exactly the opposite of what I really wanted to do. I sent him an apology text but it’s been almost a week and haven’t heard back. My friend also saw him on online dating websites quickly after our spat. I am not sure what to do anymore. We are both looking for the same thing in a partner, but I am not sure what I should do next. Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 30, 2016 at 6:34 pm
Hi Sunshine1234,
I think you need to redo no contact and start the count for 21 days after reading this.. You have to establish that you have accepted his decision and you’re starting to move on. So, that means being busy with activities and dating others too. Whether by group or romantic dates. Just don’t be too forward with your posts. Don’t post anything like kissing
AMO
September 28, 2016 at 8:06 pm
Please HELP! my bf of almost a year who I see each week and exchanged texts each day- broke it off just 4 days ago saying he was thinking about breaking up for the last few weeks but couldn’t do it before because we have such a good time and when he sees me he couldn’t break it off, but, this time he did. Since he doesn’t feel the same way. I just ordered the book and have no problem doing the NC rule but I feel like if I don’t remind him I’m here he may meet someone else or be physical with someone else throughout that time and that makes me sick to my stomach, please advise how to handle this , thanks so much!
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 30, 2016 at 3:43 pm
Hi Amo,
that’s why you need to be active in social media posting.. because that’s your way of showing how great you’ve been doing. Read this one:
Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule
Megan
September 28, 2016 at 7:56 pm
Hey, I am 22 years old and my ex is 24, we broke up 2 month ago. We were together for 2 and a half years and they were amazing at least 2 years and 4 months, after that I felt a little insecure that he doesnt need our relationship as much as I do, we started having little fights. He went by the seaside and got really drunk one night ofter one of our fights and kissed a girl. He told me immediately and said it was better to break up because it wasnt fair to me. He said she wasnt the cause of the break up he just thinks that I see our relationship moving faster than he does and that is not true. I begged.. once and he told me that if its going to be easier for me he would tell me he doesnt love me and then he said but thats not true I love you but I just dont want such a serious relationship and he cried a lot he hugges me and kissed me and said this was breaking his heart…I did the NC rule for one month, he didnt try to contact me, I wrote a message reminding him of a beautiful memory and he said he has though about that too.. I stopped the conversation during an interesting part, and he didnt text me after that. A few days later I texted him again and we started a very friendly conversation, in the end I asked him if he wants to hang out and have a drink some time, he told me no, because it was to early for him he was not ready he wanted to move on first before going back… after that he continued the conversation and then stopped, an hour later he wrote me to say he was sorry he stopped writing but he felt sad because of me, him, us and wished me goodnight. I didnt say anything.. its beed 10days and a few days ago his best friend with whom I had a friendly relationship and had given him advice on some stuff but hadnt gone out with for a year, contacted me and wanted to see me, we saw each other he said he was sorry and he was here to tell me anything I want to know.. he told me how my ex reacted angrily at some of my pictures and was wondering if I had moved on when I was tagged by a male friend.. that gabe me hope and his best friend asked him whats going on and he said that “he is not interested in having a relationship right now” and that “only I know whats going on in my head” … but during the NC rule a fake profile which I recently understood was fake wrote me a lot and asked me about my ex.. I’ve had this fake profile from 2010 but he started writing me after me and my ex started dating and every conversation was mainly about our relationship, he admitted to being fake but doesnt want to show me his real profile.. my friends think its my ex.. and they think that his best friend was sent from my ex… but at the same time he is telling me he has no desire to come back.. please give me some advice
Thank you sincerely,
M
Megan
October 1, 2016 at 8:04 pm
It was in the middle of the conversation… after he told me it was toi soon for him because the last time we saw each other it broke his heart.. I said okay.. and he continued the conversation .. I saw him today. I was with a friend and she saw him and said hey to him and his friends and we just stared at each other with a little awkward smile.. it broke my heart.. His best friend that reached out to me said he was going to talk to him..
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 30, 2016 at 3:39 pm
Hi Megan,
looks like you went too fast.. How long were you texting before you asked him out?