You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed... I'm Here To Fix That

922 thoughts on “You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed… I’m Here To Fix That”

Mary

December 12, 2015 at 1:23 am

I am going to meet my bf tmr..originally he said he just needed a serious talk and we could decide things together. However, I was too worried and rude to him..said sth like he was horrible..he wanted to leave me..it wouldnt be a talk…as u have already decided u are going to leave me..

Originally he said no..I could decide..but now he said he made up his mind . He is gonna meet me tmr and tell me the reason..

The reason why he said he wanted to have serious talk Because I wanted him to be more serious..I am in working abroad and my visa will expire next year so I told him that he should be serious with me..and then I ignored him when he sent msg to me or just replied yes,no to him..so I was rude to ignore his msgs and also he think I was forcing him to get married with me next year..

He is gonna meet me tmr..and 99% break up and tell me reasons..Can you give me advice wt to do tmr .attitude..apologize and wt I should say and do..pls
Thanks Chris.
A

December 11, 2015 at 11:31 pm

This post came exactly at the right time for me. Couple questions though. We broke up in July, have seen each other twice since. I’d asked him if we could date on a more casual basis, which he said ok to at first but then said he wasn’t ready to date anyone in October. Since October I haven’t asked him to be together, but we still talked occasionally, although I know I bothered him bc I was frustrated when he wouldn’t respond to me. I finally pulled it together & I’m on day 25 of the no contact rule. Our last interaction was really confusing to me. I texted him that I was at a restaurant & they were playing a song he’d once told me during our relationship that it reminded him of me (love song about a guy who is totally changed by a woman & grateful she came to him). It’s not a popular song so I had never heard it before he told me about it & never heard it until that day in the restaurant. So I texted him about it & said it was really odd to hear it bc he’d said it reminded him of me & it was so uncommon. He texted back “I hope it was a good odd…” and that’s the last time we’ve been in contact for the last 25 days.

In your article, you said that to the key word is “excessively.” I am wondering what counts as excessively & if that’s my situation. I have the book. I am following no contact. I was planning on initiating a text conversation after the 30 days like you advise in the book, but now I’m not sure. If I haven’t mentioned dating for 2 1/2 months (but did bug him about other non-dating stuff), can I still initiate the conservation after 30 days? And if not, what if he doesn’t initiate any conversation even if I follow the advice in your book

Chris Seiter

January 4, 2016 at 9:17 pm

Glad this came at the right time.

Sorry I don’t quite remember the context of excessively. Mind screenshotting what I said so I can gauge what you mean a bit better?

Linda

December 11, 2015 at 8:41 pm

Hey Chris !
Really liked this article ! I Didn’t beg for my boyfriend at all, he broke up with me and I did 30 days no contact which ended two weeks ago. I sent him a first contact message which was really good and we’ve been speaking ever since. He’s flirting a lot but sometimes he gets a little bit “cold”, like “seen-s” my messages on messenger,
I’m thinking about applying this score thing to my situation as well. I’m a little bit in doubt what to do when we’ve been texting and it’s going great but what then ? It’s a LDR relationship and I might see him again next April when I’m visiting my cousin in the town next to him.

Basically my question is, it’s going good, we’re talking and flirting a little bit but how do I keep him interested?
Should I do the same ? Play this hot-cold behavior ? Should I wait with answering him still?
I know my goal is to transition from text to calls and I’m working on it, I just feel like he might be loosing a little bit interest now, like he got over the “happiness” of me finally having contact again.

– He was saying things like “I got very glad when you contacted me :)” … Telling me he misses us driving together to work and stuff…

Your site is incredible ! I’m really liking your videos!
And for anyone reading this, NC is the best advice ever after a break-up. It’s helped me so much!

Linda

December 11, 2015 at 8:56 pm

Hi again ! I basically want to know “how do i become my ex’s priority?” In the texting phase preferably and it would be great if you could cover LDR relationships as well 🙂

THANK YOU !

Juliet

December 11, 2015 at 7:33 pm

Hi Chris! Im almost done with the NC period… but before that I was the one texting and asking him why the heck he is not answering since we were talking perfectly before,,. I started the no contact when I realized he was not going to respond.. I want him to text me first because if I do it I will feel like I’m the only one trying.. what should I do?
Laura

December 11, 2015 at 4:24 pm

Chris I couldn’´t understand it…
Let’s say I did the NC for 30 days, he never sent a single message or called during NC, then I send a text – isn’t that still going to associate me with the begging again?

Chris Seiter

December 11, 2015 at 6:58 pm

I’m glad you asked that Laura, no it won’t as long as your text has nothing to do with the breakup or your past relationship. (Only exception is memory texts and things that make him feel good.)

Avni

December 11, 2015 at 12:16 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. On our last conversation (the one where he broke with me) he gave me loads of reason for breaking up including that I was suffocating him. I requested him to cool down and reconsider bt he was firm and said we could be friends. The next day he talked to me as if we were nothing more than friends and was OK and casual with me.

Thinking I had lost my chance I sort of gave up and thought of moving on (even though I didn’t wanted to). I didn’t talk to him at all except a few messages. The other day I found he was dating some one and just casually said I was happy for him but he got angry and said what was my problem.
I don’t understand why he’s being so rude all of a sudden.

What should I do?

Chris Seiter

January 4, 2016 at 9:15 pm

He sounds like the one with the problem…

Maybe he feels you were spying but you weren’t you were just trying to be nice.

Gab

December 11, 2015 at 12:04 pm

Hi Chris,

Recently bought ExBFR Pro and I must say it’s illuminating. I need some advice, though, and I apologize if this is long.

My ex dumped me a little over a week (a Tuesday night) ago because I called him up drunk and picked a fight. This has happened several times and he always breaks up with me only for us to kiss and make-up within a few hours. I thought this recent fight would be the same but he tells me it’s totally over and he’s made up his mind.

Naturally, I was destroyed and I immediately begged for him back (Wednesday) but he was adamant. As I didn’t know what to do, I kept texting him and on Sunday, we had a huge fight with him basically saying the same things. Towards the end, though, he was a bit calmer, saying that he was having a hard time too. I woke up on Monday feeling super sad so I sent him sad messages, to which he replied to 12 hours later. We had a short, friendly text exchange and then I called him around 1am. He answered, we had a friendly convo and even joked around. I asked if we could meet today but he said he was busy with work deadlines (I know this for a fact) and that we should meet next week. After we hung up, I sent him messages thanking him for talking to me (UGH, I KNOW). The next morning, I sent him a cat photo (he loves my cats) but it’s now almost been a week and he’s ignored those messages. NOT DONE YET: I woke up on Wednesday (one week after the breakup) at 444AM, overcome with sadness that I sent him another text. I then deleted his number.

I have no plans of initiating contact until he does. We still have to have a proper breakup talk (he dumped me over the phone) and I prepared a letter (not whiny or begging, just saying he had his faults too and that I am willing to build a new relationship with him; if he’s not willing to do that, then I will move on) that I have no plans of sending.

Anyway, your book has given me an idea on how I should proceed but I have a few questions:

1 – After my sad phase, I started tweeting again. Is this ok? We still follow each other on Twitter and we’re still Facebook and Instagram friends.

2 – What should I do if he reaches out about talking in person before the 30-day NC rule? Should I meet up and should I tell him what’s in my letter?

3 – I ordered him an expensive Christmas present (one that he’s wanted for a while) from overseas and had it shipped to his house (2-4 weeks delivery, ordered it before our break-up). Is this ok?

Thank you so much!
GabY

December 11, 2015 at 10:21 am

Hello! First, let me tell you how grateful I am for finding your website. Your articles made me see things in a different perspective and made me recognize all the mistake I have made. I hope I have learned my lesson. And they also made me a little hopeful. That’s why I wanted to ask you, in your own opinion, is there’s still a chance for me to make things work again with my ex? We are not together anymore since a week ago. Things have been down lately and I kind of saw it coming. I can’t say I didn’t deserve it… I can see that now. It has to hit you hard to see things clearly. We dated for 1.5 years LDR. We were so beautiful together, we talked daily and saw each other at least once a month. And he is a wonderful man. Always supportive, loving and kind. He broke it of after a fight we had. He said he can’t make me happy and it is better for me this way. I’ve hurt him, I did put pressure on him, and I nagged and all the things needy women do. A few days later we had a nice conversation, he sent me pictures and all that which made me do the mistake of calling him and beg him to give us another chance. He said we should be friends and I said no. He then stopped with Facebook likes but still has all of the pictures of us on his profile. I stopped all contact with him and trying hard to grow and be a better person… for me especially. I promised myself I won’t contact him for Christmas and New Year. Not even if he will contact me first. But I do hope that we could make things work again. So, do you still think we have a chance? Sorry for the long post. And thank you dearly for everything.
Angie

December 11, 2015 at 8:50 am

Hi Chris,

I was going to initiate a meeting with my ex when I stumbled across this article..

So I was actually in a complicated relationship with him. He was from different country, culture, background, and religion, and he is younger than me. We worked together for several years already in same company, even sitting beside him. I liked him long before I got married, but as my marriage failing we start to date, and he is one of the big reasons why I was encouraged to push my divorce process faster so that I can start anew with him.

However in the process we have many ups and downs with our differences. One time we were sweet couple (although nobody can see it, we keep the relationship secret to everyone) but in other time it was obvious he didn’t show love and prioritize work over me. Sometimes he don’t do things that guys usually do for girls, like sending me back to my car in parking lots while its late night at office, and it was always me who initiate to meet or have dinner etc. All piled up emotionally and make me become sulking girl and naggy many times (yes I realized this, might be because I was so unstable and insecure by my divorce process and by his background-at first the relationship seemed impossible to last long for me) and one day he stated that he broke up with me, saying that the reasons were because he felt that anything he did seems wrong in my eyes. We argued a bit but in the end it was a good bye from me to him..

I can say I did NC at work nicely for almost 2 weeks already. However it was really painful to see that he was “fine” he still can joke with others and even flirts with other girls.. He seems having fun with his close friend (who came from the same country). Of course I also did the same, I still look fine bubbly and joking and laughing, but it was painful because he is so close to me..

One of my friend suggest me to meet him face to face and discuss once again about the broke up, because she think it’s better for my ex to know that the reason he broke up with me is still nothing compared to what I sacrificed for him (for example, my divorce, the risk that my family will be against me on dating him, or my time and effort for taking care of him etc, not that I want to brag all about it but I did a lot also) so that’s why I think I worth a better explanation, because I feel like we still can fix the relationship. I plan to have this meeting in another 2 weeks from now, which, by then, the NC should be almost 30 days…

Do you think it’s counted as begging? Because even if he reject to start over the relationship with me, it might be a good closure for me to move on faster and forget him..

What do you think?
krazy love

December 11, 2015 at 5:12 am

Second day of no contact, no message from him. Was a blindsided break up. He wanted to spend more time with me then all of a sudden says he doesnt ‘feel it’ anymore. I was falling in love and thought he was as his actions seemed to demonstrate this. What do I do? Is NC worth it if he lost all feelings.

Chris Seiter

December 11, 2015 at 9:39 pm

It sounds like something happened. Is it possible he was seeing someone else? No matter, do no contact for 21 days and then reach out through text. During that time make your life as exciting as possible so you have things to tell him when you finally have that first one on one date.

Caroline

December 11, 2015 at 3:02 am

Hey Chris, my ex though i did not want it to be with him anymore. Ldr so he kinda began to date a girl, and i did not knew this. So i told him to choose, he said we cant be together now for distance so i told him i did not want it to continue contact. I told him i dont hate you, i just want to move on quickier. He said that’s your decission to made. So i basically i die not beg, but the opposite. I told him i could found someone else because i was worthy it.
I havent talk to him, he still follows me on ig and likes my pictures. What should i do now?

Caroline

December 12, 2015 at 2:48 am

Yes. He lives in another country, we even talked about marriage, he always talked about it, i never bring it on. I already did nc, but he said til April so he would have money to afford the plane tickets. Im improving myself but he told me he knew i was better than the girl he is getting to know
Chris Seiter

December 11, 2015 at 9:42 pm

Do no contact for 30 days. Did you have a plan to move to him or him to you?

Sarah

December 11, 2015 at 3:02 am

Hey Chris!

All of your articles have been very helpful and I appreciate the variety that you have posted! Wish I found your site sooner! I was hoping you could shed a little light on my current dating situation.

It regards a guy who I was seeing, but we were not officially dating yet, though I felt like we could have been heading in that direction. (Correct me if I am wrong, I am assuming some of the same tactics could apply to my situation?)

We met via an online dating website, talked for a bit, went on a few really great dates. Things were going really well, talking everyday, and had a lot in common. Although I was really excited about everything, he was moving a little too fast emotionally for my liking and I told him in a word vomit manner to slow down. (definitely messed up in how I said the message) He eventually communicated to me that he was very hurt by the conversation. I tried to explain, apologized, and asked for another chance.

After a few weeks, he was open to giving it another shot, we had another date, but didn’t really talk about what went wrong originally which was a mistake. There was some miscommunication, and I acted a little crazy in over communication as a result a few days later and scared him off. He basically said he had wanted to give it another chance, but felt backed into a corner and pressured. He said he just thought too much had happened in too short of a time. I responded to this with 3 texts and asked for another chance and received no response.

I immediately began the no contact rule the next day. Today I hit 21 days and I haven’t reached out to him at all. (that was hard!!) He has not texted/called me either. However, in this past week he has liked 3 instagram posts of mine — they were posts of my photography and cooking; not photos of me (I should mention he never liked any post of mine when we seeing each other, this was the first time).

What do you think is going through his head? Is he working up the nerve to contact me? Scared and dipping a toe in the water to see if it’s safe? Or is it dead in the water and he was just trying to be friendly? I do honestly think we had a great connection that we were just beginning to see and that are main issue was just miscommunication. I know I definitely made some mistakes, but was hoping for another shot. Thoughts?

Thank you! 🙂

Chris Seiter

December 11, 2015 at 9:51 pm

Hi Sarah,

Your chances with this guy are pretty low although there is still a chance since he took you back a few times. This is one of the rare instances that I am not going to suggest no contact because you didn’t build enough attraction in that short amount of time for him to care. In this case, I am going to recommend limited contact for 2 weeks. Talk to him if he talks to you be really nice and not “crazy.”

I think he may be missing you a little bit from the no contact but it hasn’t made a huge impact because you haven’t build a foundation. What I’d like you to do is write down the things that he loves/enjoys. Put up 2 pictures per week about that during the 2 weeks. For example, if he loves the Dave Matthews Band, Put up a post saying, “I can’t wait to go to the Dave Matthews Band Concert!!! So excited.”

Make sense? This will make him worry that you might go on a date with someone else and also he loves that band so he thinks your a good match for him. If he notices that you two have a lot in common he will be worried that he let go the perfect woman for him.

What are some things that he loves or enjoys to do? I will help you come up with a plan.

Sick&Tired

December 11, 2015 at 12:09 am

My ex and I haven’t dated long but fell completely head over heels…needless to say he broke up with me a few times because he felt Do to my lack of REAL relationship experience he didn’t want to teach me how to be in a relationship.. our breakups never lasted more than a day, well last month it ended for good. I told him give me a month to get myself together in hopes we could work it out during that time we had sex “big mistake” we agreed we wouldn’t have sex again until we were back together. I became annoying missing him so much he eventually blocked me on his phone. Told me it was over for good..My Ex is one of my Son’s teachers so I have talked to him via Fb About my son but that’s it..Today I slipped asked him could we talk one day? He said idk “inserts my name” I WANT TO BUY YOUR SYSTEM but I wonder is it pointless he won’t budge…its like he was never in love? Is there any hope? What do I do?

Sick&Tired

December 12, 2015 at 8:16 pm

Thanks so much for the quick response!..yes there are ways I can see him at the school but I there is nothing coming up soon, which is good I don’t want to see hin too soon..I’d love to see him a month or two from now a few lbs lighter looking drop dead gorgeous! That always seems to work with the boy’s but I need to buy your system to cover all bases! I love this man! This is the first real adult relationship where I was at fault and it hurts I truly feel he is my kindred soul..I just have to get him to open up and talk one last time. FINGERS CROSSED Chris..
Chris Seiter

December 11, 2015 at 10:01 pm

Definitely my system would help your chances of getting back with him. I would tell you if your chances were to low but in this case there’s a lot you can do.

Do you see him when you drop your son off at school? Is there parent teacher conferences? Any opportunities to see him in the future?

I want you to start immediately doing the no contact rule for 30 days. If he contacts you, ignore him.

Tamy

December 10, 2015 at 10:19 pm

We met up for coffee. But ended up in manhattan sitting on a bench talking. Watching the christmas tree. Where both not coffee drinkers anyway. It wss cool. I tried to leave early but he said no not yet. So i stayed a little more. We talked laughed. Guys was watching me he was pointing out. Several times it looked like he didnt want me to leave. I texed him after when i came home. Told him being with him reminded me of our sex life we yad the nest sex life. He texted back Same thing here..lol i didnt talk to him for two days. Texted him today a thining of you text and he didnt text me back. What to do?

Chris Seiter

January 4, 2016 at 9:14 pm

I love NY.

I have only been one time but it’s one of the coolest places I have ever been (and I have been to Paris.)

I wouldn’t panic just yet.

Wait a few days and reach out again.

Tamy

December 10, 2015 at 10:13 pm

Hey Chris yes Lasor tag. I sent him a text 2 days after the meey up. Which is today. A thinking of you text had fun. He has yet to respond. What if he doesnt text me back? I thought i looked good every guy was dribbling over me he was pointing them out. What if he didnt like how i looked and just agreed to it because soee of the moment?

Chris Seiter

January 4, 2016 at 9:13 pm

Laser tag is the bomb!

Love it.

BS he loved how you looked. The fact that he pointed them out meant he felt threatened. What did you say in your text exactly?

En

December 10, 2015 at 9:17 pm

do the same things in this article apply if he has a girlfriend? (because i read in one part he is comfortable and single)

Chris Seiter

December 11, 2015 at 10:07 pm

Read this post. https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/has-he-moved-on-how-to-get-him-back-if-he-has-a-girlfriend/

Juliet

December 10, 2015 at 9:01 pm

Hi Chris! I feel like my situation is a little bit different from the rest, and I would like you to help me understanding whats happening and what should I do to get him back.

1. We had a first break..(Because I went to a club without him and he got upset)
2. I begged for him to talk to me and he told me we were really young to be in a so long RS (2 and a half years together, he is 22 and I’m 20)
3. We met on a Wednesday and he said he was going through a lot and he doesn’t have time for me, that he loves me etc etc. I gave him 3 months to fix his personal issues and come back. (That day we kissed and had sex)
4. We kept communication for 2 weeks perfect, that we missed each other, we love each other and that we will wait until everything gets solved.
5.I told him I was home alone and that I wanted to spend the night with him (I know my bad) He said no.. and suddenly appears at my house sat morning. (I was with a friend and we only had a couple of hours to talk etc) (we had sex again) and I told him to come back at night when I was no longer with my friend,, he said no.. and then he appears at my house at night.. we had wine, I cooked for hi, we watched movies.. he told me he loves me etc..
6. He left on sunday and told me he would go to the moves with his fam.. I told me i missed does plans with his fam and he said it will happen soon again.
7. We spoke on monday and that was the last time we texted me.. I sent him a few messages saying that I was thinking of him.. but he didn’t replay.. I asked him why is he ignoring me and he said .. (Can you give me a moment please? Im solving an issue) I responded saying to text me back as soon as he solves everything and he didn’t respond.. What is happening?
ghadeer

December 10, 2015 at 8:43 pm

hey, we have broken up because he didn’t have feelings for me anymore and he said he needs to be in a bubble and don’t need someone to be that close to him, and he’s happy with his lonely new life, he wants to turn into a “strong person” as he said and he didn’t love me anymore because he had lost interest in everything then he asked me to remain friends and we’re talking and going out together, but i wanna to get him back as a boyfriend how can i make him love me again? please i need your help, thanks in advance
Confused

December 10, 2015 at 8:24 pm

Chris, please help! I tried commenting on another page but it never showed up as approved? (I already have your pro system by the way) My ex broke up with me 5 months ago after ALOT of begging on my part. (the first two of those months he asked for ‘space’ and he ghosted me before actually removing our relationship status from fb, this was easy to accomplish because we were long distance during that time). Our breakup was due to my major depression, I had become clingy and controlling and I hurt him unintentionally that way. He wouldn’t even sleep with me by the end of our relationship. He said he didn’t love me anymore and even if I got help and got rid of my depression it wouldn’t matter. He even told a mutual friend he didn’t like me as a person anymore. I did get on new meds and I’m truly happier than ever. Well after him actively avoiding me at a bar, I sent him a message apologizing for my behavior in our relationship and said have a nice life. He apologized for how he handled the breakup but I didn’t respond. I waited 5 more weeks NC then contacted him asking for help with something I knew he was knowledgeable about. It went great. He responded immediately and helped me, teased me a little and kept the conversation going even after I tried to end it. We had contact a few times here and there after that. His responses were always somewhere between positive and neutral. He never ignored an initial text but sometimes would just stop responding after a text or two. I basically gave up hope but decided to just take a gamble and ask him to go to the gym with me. It went great! Lots of flirting and teasing. He had cut his hand so after he asked to come into my apartment to clean it, so of course I let him. He kissed me! Pretty passionately too. It only lasted a minute or two and I just paused. Then I just said ‘well, I didn’t anticipate that.’ He said he missed me physically but also personally and was really happy I’d finally beaten my depression. I told him I missed it too but I would not be his friend with benefits, and he said he already knew that but he needed to focus on his grades and he’d been pretty happy being single and didn’t want to date because he doesn’t have time, but said he wanted to keep talking, and basically said we would reevaluate next semester. So we went back to texting here and there, mostly I initiated but sometimes he did too and I tried my best to be the one to end the conversation. One of the most recent convos he was irritating me on purpose so I said ‘I hate you’ jokingly of course, he responded ‘no you love me’ I said ‘I dunno about that’ he said ‘you like me’ to which I said ‘Maybe I like you a little bit’ he said ‘awww shucks’ but shortly after he just stopped responding. A couple days later he sent me a link to a video, but he’d shown it to be before so I didn’t respond. This is all A few weeks after the kissing incident, a couple days later we both went to this formal for our university. He came up and said hi to me and my friends immediately when I walked in. Later he came up to us on the dance floor, talked a bit then said he was going to find his friend and kissed me on the forehead as he walked away like it was the most natural thing ever. Later he came up to us again, and we were both fairly tipsy at this point, and he started really dancing with me like really getting up on me and he gave me a quick kiss on the lips out of nowhere. But then later on he pulled my best friend aside to talk to her. Later on she told me that what he said to her was he wants to sleep with me but doesn’t want to date me. What is going on? Why would he say that to her when obviously she would tell me, and he knows I would never go for that. His actions toward me have been nothing but sweet and he didn’t even try to get me to leave with him. We dated for almost 3 years and I have never known him to be manipulative and when we were dating I had a higher sex drive anyway! Everyone just tells me to forget him and find someone else, but I have known him to be a much better person than this. What does this mean? Do I have any shot at getting him back? And if so, how? Should I stand up for myself and tell him that was disrespectful and he crossed a line or just ignore it entirely and not speak to him until he contacts me? Or can I use seduction to my advantage in this case?I did a lot of begging when we first broke up and I know that was bad, but all of this kind of seems like progress to me, so I think we’re past the negative effects of that maybe? Please help me! 🙁
Oops

December 10, 2015 at 7:21 pm

THANK YOU SO MUCH, CHRIS!!!!!!

I’m so excited now. I’m on day 9 of no contact, and I’ve already started changing myself. I’m learning a new language, losing weight, socializing more, improving my self-esteem, and kicking major butt in my classes (after some slacking). As far as breaking no contact, should I still send that first contact text, or should I wait until he does?