You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed... I'm Here To Fix That

ana

December 20, 2015 at 12:07 am

Hi Chris. I want to implement the 30 day no contact rule but my ex and I have a complicated friendship. While together I made an agreement with him that I would help him find a job and fill out an unemployment form for him every week that I email to him.. I still am doing that for him because he has A LOT going on (he has cancer). When I send him the weekly email I don’t include anything else in it besides the form.. nothing else. Is that ok during the 30 day no contact rule?

Gi

December 19, 2015 at 5:38 pm

I need help

What to do

December 18, 2015 at 1:47 pm

Hi Chris, I saw that you told someone to wait till after Christmas to contact their ex because holidays remind them of exs. I’m in a similar situation where my no contact ends on Christmas Eve. He Didn’t text me for thanksgiving or my birthday. Both of which are in the no contact period. Should i still wait till after Christmas?

Hayley

December 18, 2015 at 9:13 am

Hi Chris,
I am a 22-year-old Malaysian Chinese girl and I have met an Italian guy online back in 2012 and we had an online relationship until a few months back he broke up with me as he said he doesn’t love me anymore, doesn’t want any relationship at the moment and that we are more like friends. We wanted to meet but we don’t have the finance for it. Around these few months, I found out (I got suspicious and did some online research about him) that he wasn’t who he said he was and after the confrontation, he confessed that he lied about his real name, personal life and that he is a divorced man. After our arguments and confrontation, our whole situation has been hanging around for about 7 months now. It seems he couldn’t forget about me and he asked for friends with benefits online in return for cybersex. I rejected his request and I said we should try to be friends. I still love him and slowly I am trying to move on. He cheated on me during our relationship, lied to me about his life, called me a whore and said I made big fake drama for the special moments we had. He has hurt me so much but I don’t know why I have never felt any anger or hatred towards him. Just hurt. Our situation hangs around in a way that we stay connected but we rarely talk to each other and with longer breaks in between our little talks like two weeks don’t chat. We also don’t know much of the happenings in each other’s life recently. He doesn’t ask me about my life and he refuses to answer my questions about his life. He said that he doesn’t love me anymore but he still gets turned on for me and has frequent wet dreams about me.
Since I can’t let go of him and delete him from my contact list, I am trying to be friends with him and move on. I have been trying to stay away from him and recently, I have met a Briton friend online who is simple and decent. He soothes my pain and he also tries to woo me over. But I told him that I am recovering slowly from my past relation. Slowly I am more opened up to him. However, I can’t seem to get the sexual memories and fantasies being with my ex together. Only today, I spoke to my ex and he asked for second chance. I know that I have no future with him because even if our relationship does go on, my parents would never approve of me being with a divorced man. He said he can’t promise me anything in terms of true love and future which is what I am looking for. There is also no guarantee that he would be better to me and respect me in the future. In my heart, I would like to open up myself and try to explore with the Briton guy for he is simple and gives me a kind of security. At the same time, I can’t seem to get rid of the fantasies with my ex and if I were to reject my ex’s second chance, I am afraid of him staying away from me together and forever. Do you think that my ex truly doesn’t love me anymore or there are some feelings left within his inner self but he doesn’t want to admit it? Sometimes my mind tends to make excuses for him, believing that perhaps his past or his divorced life has made him so messed up. Please give me some guidance and I am sorry for my long post.
Regards,
Confused girl

Gee

December 18, 2015 at 4:56 am

Hey Chris,
I’m confused if this would work for me. So this is what happened. Met him in school and we dated for two months. He was my first. So his car broke down and I couldn’t use mine during a whole month and we lived like 20-30 min away. So after a month we were texting one night and teased him cause he was going to bed early. After half an hour he texted back asking if it was a good idea to continue since he was going to be working more and I was starting school and had work. I blew up and said he had already decided when he asked if I agreed. I told him to pick his stuff up. I overreacted idk why. So it took a week for us to meet up and give him his stuff. He then told me he was moving and I started to tear up and he said he never meant to hurt me but we weren’t meant to be. After two days I texted him asking for another chance. He said we could work it out. But after that week he said he had met someone else. I wasn’t able to hangout with him that week so I kinda blame myself for it. So I told him we would still be friends. I did no contact and he came back that week wanting to hangout. We tried this for a month but things always happened when we wanted to hangout. On Halloween I finally asked him to hangout he said he was out with friends. He called me later but I didn’t see his call so when I called him back he said he wanted to meet up but he was already home (30-40min away). I told him that night I missed him (drunk). After that he kept texting me asking me little questions but I didn’t answer until the next day. He just responded haha and said nothing else. I asked him out the next week but he said he was talking to someone else and didn’t want to be dishonest to her and lead me on. To cover my tracks I told him I was simply inviting him to a party and we had established we were friends for a longtime. I miss him still and he didn’t text me back after that. I messed up but now he probably thinks I friend zoned him forever and want nothing with him. My pride was just in the way. I want to text him and just ask how he’s been but don’t know if this would even lead to anything. Can you help?!

Michelle

December 17, 2015 at 12:43 pm

There is a problem with the layout: I can’t read any comments!!!

Tamy

December 17, 2015 at 2:38 am

Help! Please after meeting up 1st little datestarted to answer my text 24 hours later. We planned on going to the gun range instead of lazor tag and he said he would get information on if there busy arouns the holidays the range. Je was suppose to let me no he has completely droped off the face of earth and have given me no update on our second date. What to do cheis. I plan on going no comtact and not contacting him. Please help!!! I know i looked good when i saw him. Did he dislike how i looked and found that im unatractive. I did gain like 40lbs since our break up 5 years ago! Please help Chris!

A

December 16, 2015 at 9:51 pm

I can only see the comments & responses if I comment, so that’s what I’m doing…

Annie

December 16, 2015 at 8:47 pm

Hi,
I just posted a comment on this article but I can no longer access the comments section. How can I do this so I can see if you’ve responded?

Annie

December 16, 2015 at 8:14 pm

Hi,
It seems everytime things start to go well with my ex, I screw up. You’ve given me such helpful advice in the past and I’ve read and re read both ex boyfriend recovery and the texting bible but now I’ve come to a huge standstill.
Basically I completed no contact, he contacted me on day 30, we were texting, then we met up (we’ve never been the type of couple that talks on the phone so we didn’t do that) however, whenever we meet up and things go well a couple of days later I always get insecure if he doesn’t text back and basically tell him I’m done and then take that back. I’ve taken sex off the table, I’ve told him (after my last crazy text) this is the last time we should do this.
So, how do I break this cycle. After the last round he told me he doesn’t have time for me and probably won’t see me that often if we do carry on. I often initiate conversations, or ask him to do things. He’s admitted he goes on my social media accounts and will text me to ask me about things on there, but that’s it. I’m sure he’s ignoring me most of the time.
How do I increase my value with him? I’m at a complete loss, I’ve been working towards this with him for months now, I’m ready to give up, I’ve lost all hope.
I’ve followed all your steps but they don’t seem to be working any more and now my paranoia is ruining this.
What else can I do, this really is the last time I’m willing to do this, if it’s going to fail I need to move on but I was hoping you could give me some advice before I have to walk away.

Worried

December 16, 2015 at 2:58 pm

A little sad, it’s my birthday today and I put something on snapchat about it and my ex saw it but hasn’t wished me a happy birthday. I know the whole point of the nc is not so that he texts you but it is a little discouraging how easy it was for him to not text me these past 22 days.

Michelle

December 16, 2015 at 2:10 pm

Hi Chris.

My boyfriend broke up with me about two months ago (we have been together for 6 months) with the explanation that he didn’t love me anymore. During the end of the relationship he was very distant and would sometimes just ignore me. I tried to be very understanding during the actual breakup, but I’m ashamed I have to admit that I begged for him to fix our relationship. We said we would still be friends (wrong move, I know) as we still were important to each other.

After about 3 weeks of contact on an almost daily basis I decided that it wouldn’t be right for me and told him I need time to get over it. After 10 days or so he contacted me via text message and asked me how I was doing as he hadn’t heard from me in a while. I didn’t reply right away, but 14 days into NC I was sure I was better and could handle the situation so I replied. I wasn’t better. In fact, I felt even worse (I know, I know, I know. I made one of the biggest mistakes one could possibly make.). So, the conversations we had were not very thrilling, as he clearly wasn’t very engaged in talking to me. His excuses for his behaviour were that he just didn’t feel well at the moment. I don’t know if this information is relevant, but I have told him twice that I’m going somewhere with someone and he wouldn’t rest until he found out with whom I was going there.

AND HERE’S THE TURNING POINT. Yesterday he told me he’s sad because a particular person can’t live where he does. I asked him who and he replied that it’s a girl with whom he is slightly in love with, but she lives in a different country, 4 hours away with the train. He probably met her on the internet (I know you met your wife this way so it seems like I have bad luck here). She is basically a copy of me, the only difference there is is that she’s 2 years younger and blonde. I told him I couldn’t cope with it and that maybe one day I will speak to him again, but I’m not sure when.

I’m absolutely clueless about how I should proceed. Buying your books unfortunately isn’t an option for me, as I’m only 18 years old and have no credit card (My parents wouldn’t be too excited if they knew I’m trying to get him back so asking them wouldn’t be such a great idea.).

Hopefully you can help me. I’m just destroyed.

Thanks,

Michelle

Worried

December 15, 2015 at 9:25 pm

Hi Chris! I just signed up for the case study but I’m worried it is too late since I only have 9 days left of my no contact. I’m worried I will be one step ahead of the advice it will give me

Rachael

December 15, 2015 at 7:04 pm

sorry I still can’t see any comments on this page 🙁 I sent you an email!x

Patty

December 15, 2015 at 1:29 pm

Hi Chris, I have my last ex who I know had a lot of love for me, but due to my insecurities and jealousy at the time, we eventually drifted apart when I moved away. It became too much for him, and he did the right thing at the time by ending things. Looking back however, I feel if we were to have me today in my much more mature state (I’m 28 now)… I believe that we would have a wonderful relationship. We dated for a year, I moved away after graduation when he had a year left, things got tense bc of my insecurities and i acted out. Bad breakup, but no negative feelings today. He has told me, he doesn’t intend on being anything more than friends with me. I see that, especially with the past. It has been about 1.5 years since we broke up. He has reached out to see how I am doing in a friendly way, which I know he has done with other exes… so it doesn’t give me much hope. He’s just a nice, well rounded guy who means what he says…. But truly, I am a new person. The issue is, being long distance at this moment, it is difficult to gauge. The signs are not good. But I feel strongly and want to give it one last shot, so that I can move on if its not meant to be. I know that the signs are not good… he means what he says, is stable, I begged 1.5 years ago, he is suspicious that I still have feelings for him, and he doesn’t want to lead me on. Should I just give up? Is the long distance attempt too much after this long? We just started to be on friendly terms recently. I need to either try or move on, but being in limbo has kept me from giving myself to a new relationship for a long time now. Thanks.

Lola

December 15, 2015 at 12:19 pm

Hey Chris,

Sent you a lot of comments before, here and there. Anyhow LDR of one year. He broke up 3months ago. I begged to the extreme. Did NC 4 days – failed. He bombarded me with msgs and I replied. Then did NC for 30 days. Silence on both sides. I moved and came back to my country. Contacted him after NC he wasn’t enthusiastic. He asked me once why I wasn’t talking to him but then again I turned cold. I panicked I broke down and said I couldn’t be friends and I have to live my life without him. He associated it with my begging as he said that he couldn’t be with me again, saying that he thought he would be happier by himself and now he was seeing that he was right. After couple of days I changed my mind and said that I wanted to be in touch. We talk rarely. I don’t talk relationship it’s been 2-3 weeks. He barely ever initiates conversations. When I text I tell him after that I am busy and I need to run. Sometimes he asks me a question. I reply ask him a question and there is no reply for days. I have worked on myself. I have changed. I am no longer feeling the need of him and my life will not end without him. I am working on my happiness each and every day instead. Yet, with all the messed up things I have done in the past I have no idea wat I should do next to give us a chance if there is still a chance… I would be happy for your suggestions?

Halee

December 15, 2015 at 2:22 am

Chris my past has come back to bite me,
I ordered my boyfriend (now ex) a gift off of etsy before we broke up and made arrangements for it not to ship until a week before his birthday. I completely forgot about the gift until today when I got an email saying it had been shipped. My name isn’t on the gift anywhere and a different billing address was given, but I am sure he will know it was me. I am 2 weeks into NC, and the gift should arrive in 7-10 business days. I don’t want to come off as desperate or trying to buy his love. Do I just wait it out or break NC.

Thank you,

Laura

December 15, 2015 at 2:13 am

Can’t find the comments here 🙁

l

December 14, 2015 at 10:17 pm

feel like an idiot for even commenting on this but I’m trying to make sense of things. My boyfriend, of a year and a half, and I lived together. I basically gave up on the relationship, I mean obviously not completely, but I stopped putting in any effort. I gave up on myself as well. He started talking to another girl from a different state. I didn’t know until I looked through his phone one day. They said I love you to each other, they talked about sexual things, he sent her places he was looking at to rent, all that jazz. All while living with me and sleeping in bed with me every night and still telling me he loved me. I found out and freaked out, obviously. I started throwing his shit outside and he came home and took the rest out and called up one of those places he was looking at and rented it and left. When he was getting the rest of his things out, he said believe it or not I care about you and i don’t want to do this. Then I proceeded to be bat shit crazy and he said he doesn’t want me anymore, he’s completely done with me. Well, we end up hooking up a couple of times after that. Then, I go out one night, and word gets to him that I’m meeting some guy, sure enough he shows up at the bar I was at shortly after I arrived. We hooked Up that night too but before that, we had a really good time playing pool together. He stared at me the entire time. He walked over to me and bit my neck and even kissed me. So, there I go again being bat shit crazy and begging for him back and he tells me he doesn’t want to be with me, he’s not the person for me anymore and to go be with the guy I was supposed to meet. Made several comments about so called guy. After that night, we continue to text the way we always have where we send multiple texts to each other and respond to each one. I called him up one night and he says to me, I don’t want to lead you on or you to get the wrong idea but we are never getting back together, I don’t want to be with you, I’m willing to be friends but if you can’t do that I’m fine with not talking to you. So being the desperate love struck bitch I am, I go crazy again, then a few days later agree to being friends and he reminded me that it will never be nothing more than friends. We texted like friends I guess, the next day. But still with the multiple texts and responses. Obviously out of habit or something. I ended the convo with a goodnight. Didn’t talk to him the next day, then at night I get a text from him telling me about tbells new nachos, he knows I love nachos. I’ve also received a text From him talking about a couple good memories we’ve had together and with my mom. I forgot to mention, the night he told me we were nothing more than friends, he asked what happened to the other “guy”. We were going to go out and play pool this weekend and then he got tired and said why don’t you just have that guy take you. Also, last night I sent a sexual text because I was intoxicated and I’m an idiot, but he responded this morning talking about a sexual memory we had together then sent a sexual picture of me and him. I responded and he sent another sexual memory saying he will never forget that time. I know, a lot, I’m sorry….but that’s where I’m at and I’m trying to make sense of it all, could you possibly help me even a little bit haha? I put haha because its ridiculous but I’m still serious.

Rachael

December 14, 2015 at 9:25 pm

I’m sorry too, I can’t see the comments section?!

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