You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed... I'm Here To Fix That

Need Help

December 14, 2015 at 4:13 pm

Hi Chris,
I am winding up my last days of no contact with only ten days left. Right now I’m ex has not contacted me but he still looks at my snapchat stories. He has not friend requested me on Facebook either. We broke up because we were in a long distance relationship and he said he was just too lonely and we would fight a lot. About three weeks later after I asked him what is going on between us that he has someone else he is interested in and he said there is no hope for us. But he wishes the best for me and knows I will be happy. So I am going through your different articles (side note I do this a lot it gives me a lot of comfort and helps me not reach out to him) and saw the one about new rules of texting. Looking more into it would I use the same format since he has a girlfriend and we are long distance? Also I want to purchase one of your books but I don’t have enough for both since I just bought my school textbooks. I curious which one would help out more in this case? The texting bible or the recovery?

Sick&Tired

December 14, 2015 at 3:28 pm

I don’t see my comment anymore. I WILL be buying your ebook this week sadly I am desperate to get my ex back. To answer your questions yes I will be able to see him sometime in the future for parent teacher conf or something at the school. My son takes the bus but there is def a chanfe for me to see him in the future.. like I said earlier I think I blew my chances because he blocked me via phone & unfriended me via fb I can still contact him via fb just cant see his page…Ive started no contact this is day 3 or 4 I think? I know you can’t promise us our exes back but Im desperate and even though he’s blocked me my heart still tells me theres some kind of chance He’s just being super stubborn we are both Tauruses! Fingers crossed and I pray your book helps!

Tamy

December 14, 2015 at 12:00 am

Ok how can i fix this chris. I made a mistake and changed the second date to a night out at atlantic city. But he said Yikes! He changed it to another thing but i dont think he will go anywhete with me on a second date. Hes going to be flakey as usual. How to recover from telling him lets go atlantic city? I feel so stupid and a little easy saying that

Rachael

December 13, 2015 at 6:35 pm

Hi Chris,

my name is Rachael and i’m 24 years old. My boyfriend broke up with me just over a month ago. We were together for a year but got together just after my dad passed.
I obviously went through stages of grief throughout our relationship but we were completely in love and had an amazing connection, the best memories!
Near to the end, around the first year of my dad’s anniversary we bickered all the time. He is in his final year of university so broke it off saying it was too hard but is not writing off the possibility of getting back in the future after he finishes. (around may 2016)
since then we have been in contact, I have chased him and cried and begged, ( I know, I know). He started to flirt back saying he missed me and we met at a hotel and had an amazing night just like old times, we went on a date and laughed all night. He dropped me off the next day and said he had to be selfish and focus on university and couldn’t commit to me knowing how hard it would be. He said he was sorry and loves me. I flew to Ireland to visit friends and he kept looking at my snapchat story to see what i was doing and messaged me asking how my weekend was. I messaged back politely but have since deactivated all of my social media and turned off my iphone (he has been unable to see what ive been doing for a week).
My friends and mum still have him on facebook and yesterday he posted some quotes about people leaving and him not caring and something about finding a new girl, I guess to get a reaction out of me but i didn’t give him one. Today girls were posting on his facebook wall and I had a panic attack so my mum messaged him saying that i hadn’t spoken to her but she had seen posts on his facebook that might upset me if were to see them (so no mention of my reaction). He replied saying he would never intentionally hurt me but he thought I had blocked and deleted him from everything. (He has tried to call me and get in-touch). My mum told him that I still loved him but wanted space and had not blocked/ deleted him, just that I had deactivated my pages and was not using my phone in order to have space and to give him space. He said he understood. My mum told him she would not tell me she had said anything to him.
I am still sticking to my 30 days no contact, which will end 5th Jan. Do I not message him over the holiday? Have I screwed up letting my mum get involved? He was very polite to her but do I need to extend my NC?
Im so heartbroken Chris, please help xxxx

Jane

December 13, 2015 at 12:59 pm

Hello,
My ex boyfriend and I dated for 5 years. I pushed a bigger commitment and he broke up with me to feel “not tied down” that was 11 months ago. For 9 months I would beg, he would come back (for only a day), I would beg, he would come back. Ect. Then I did the no contact. I started pushing again after 3 weeks. He did talk to me and seemed okay at first then a few days aftee he called me names and told me to never speak to him again. I went back into no contact and it’s been 28 days. I STILL haven’t heard from him… Do you think I’ve lost all chances?

Kati

December 13, 2015 at 8:04 am

What would you suggest when he doesn’t want me to text him? His reasoning is that it still hurts him too much that he ruined our relationship. I did NC once for over a month. Then I started again for a few weeks (after we talked and he told me he couldn’t be my friend right now) but he still actively uses our Netflix account and I had to text him the new password so it kind of ruined the second NC phase.

So my problem is, basically any amount of contact coming from me puts me in a worse position, at least I assume it would. I think your other points can be applicable to my situation, based on the assumption that he looks up my Twitter occasionally and sees glimpses of my Facebook through mutual friends. I’ve recently gotten way more into sports than I was when we were together (that was his thing) so I think that might work to my advantage in the future (I’ve been doing quite well in his NFL pickem league lately so I’m sure that’s getting his attention! I was terrible last year). But I basically can’t contact him until he contacts me first without the risk of disrespecting his wishes at the moment and making him pull farther away.

Thanks!

And also, thanks for willingly posting free content and responding to comments. As someone who would buy the book of it was financially possible, but can’t, I really appreciate that. I’m sure I’m not the only one.

K

December 13, 2015 at 8:00 am

I was seeing this guy for a few weeks. Everything was great, we really hit it off and connected well. We texted all day long and saw each other whenever possible. I was really falling for this guy fast. We had a fight about him going to an event with some girls and a guy friend, to me I thought it sounded like a date. He said he has lot of friends who are girls. We ended this night fine. The next day he said he didn’t know if we would work because he felt id be mad at him for going out but didn’t want us to stop talking. We continued on the next week like we were fine but he didn’t want to see me. He eventually said he thought we should go our separate ways, which is when I tried to explain why I acted that way and that I cared about him and I was so sorry. He said he just has been screwed over in the past and doesn’t know if he wants anything from anyone right now when I said alright he said he didn’t know just give him time to clear his head. He didn’t call for a week when I asked if he was just done see me, he said it wasn’t like that he was meaning to call. We were ok but he didn’t really call as much or follow through on plans. Eventually it lead to him saying he didn’t know but he thinks we should go our separate ways. We are still friends on social medias and he looks at my things. I haven’t texted since then and I haven’t heard from him (about 3 weeks ago) is there any hope to salvage things? I really would like a second chance.

Renee

December 13, 2015 at 7:20 am

Hey Chris,

Your posts are really enlightening and I plan to purchase your book. I have an ex that I hadn’t seen in 1 year and hadn’t spoken to in 10 months. He blocked my number because of the ugly breakup then finally I called him from work a few weeks ago and apologized to him. I told him I just wanted to apologize but before I hung up he suggested we keep in touch via telephone or texting. We texted for about a week or two then finally met up and talked. He said he was open to dating again but then he just stopped answering my text messages two days ago. He went from letting me know his moves if he could not reach back out to me, to this. He randomly would send a text to check in before we met up. We texted a night the night we met up and he admitted to being happy to see me. But he hasn’t responded to my text messages in two days. The last text he sent was just a dry response. Before he stopped responding he agreed to a possible meet up this weekend but since then, has not responded to my text messages. What should I do? Please help!! I don’t want to panic and keep texting or calling him.

Heavy Heart

December 13, 2015 at 1:43 am

Hey Chris,
I want to thank you for this website. I wish this site had been around 5 years ago so I wouldn’t have made a complete psycho of myself during my last breakup. Currently, I’m dealing with the end of a relationship of over 3 years, 2 of which we were living together. I’ve maintained a little over 2 weeks of complete NC. I’m optimistic but I’m keeping in mind that it may just never happen for the us again. Although it’s been really difficult, reading your posts help me stay sane. It’s nice knowing that someone not only understands how this feels but is making colossal efforts to make this easier.
Question: I had a friend return something to my ex a couple days after the split. During their interaction, my ex told my friend that he wants to talk to me. My friend told him that perhaps I wasn’t in the mood to talk yet. Since then, I haven’t heard from my ex at all. For context, my ex does know that I’m in the middle of very stressful graduate school finals. What should I make of all this?

Heartbroken

December 13, 2015 at 1:30 am

Hi Chris,

Previously I have used the no contact rule when my ex boyfriend wanted to have a break for a month, he says things doesn’t feel like the same , feeling is fading . We contacted each other after a month , he said the same thing wanted a break up but I told him to give this relationship a try . Technically begged for a relationship back. After a month now , he initate the break up again , he said he has think through it. He say nobody loves him this much , but so be it if he can’t find another me in the future.

It has been a week since then , I’m angry that he didnt fight harder when he started to lose feeling , I don’t deserve to be treated like this , but I can’t find a reason to blame him because he didn’t do anything wrong .

Do you love a person enough to let them go ? Or do you love them and never stop trying ? I want him but there’s a constant battle inside me because we have been there . I want to believe second chances .

Laura

December 12, 2015 at 10:00 pm

Hi Chris,

2 questions:

1) My ex is depressed… and honestly, probably not fit for a relationship right now. But, I love him and I really care about him. How can I walk the fine line between being supportive without becoming his therapist (and therefor not romantically attractive). How should this change my approach with him?

2) We’ve had 1 non-date coffee-date since a 1 month period of no-contact then escalating text contact (thank you for all your awesome advice!) At what point do we start talking about what happened in the past? Do we ever? How can we be successful in Round 2 if we don’t discuss what went wrong the first time around?

Thank you!

Liliana

December 12, 2015 at 9:36 pm

We had something casual according to him that lasted almost two months..I was in love with him. Now almost two months appart. Did drama, went to his house uninvited, slapped him, begged him and did everything wrong.. during and after the break up. I did not apply the contact rule for the first month after the break up. I was jealous, I sent emotional long texts, I over apologised. Then I realized that my behaviour is far from “healthy” and I started googling my questions. I was in a common chat group with common friends (basically his friends) at an instant messaging app and he blocked me there when I refferred to him. I send a quite brief “I am sorry that you felt the need to do this. I am not a threat anymore. I just wish I had behaved differently. Not to keep you with me, just to have better memories of us” at another instant app where he has not blocked me. Then I did no contact from 10 -20 days but always broke it. Once with a silly “hey, how is your work out going”… And then with a “remind good funny moments text”. The last text was two days ago. That day I also called him by mistake because this is what happens when you stare at someones number on your smartphone. He has never responded anything and he has bocked me on facebook. There is only an instant messaging app that he has not blocked me.. Yesterday I came across your website and today I downloaded everything. Really good content.. my dillema is whether dealing with him, or simply focusing on personal development. On the one hand I feel it is too late for me to fix stuff.. especially with someone who never loved me or saw his future with me. On the other I know that I have not got over him. A couple of weeks ago left all common groups with his friends and everything and deleted them from facebook as well. It hurt seeing them having fun.

Liz

December 12, 2015 at 6:57 pm

Hi Chris, Sorry I comment a lot but I AM SO CLOSE.. so my ex wants to give it a try (well kinda a try, he wants to be together when we are both home but see how things are going before anything official again) again over winter break (we broke up in the summer, saw each other- and slept together- over Thanksgiving) but I am kind of worried he just wants someone to hang out with while he is home over break and will end it again when we go back to school.. I don’t know if I am putting myself in a bad position if I do this.. But I think he will think I do not want to be with him if I turn him down. Please help!

Lucy

December 12, 2015 at 6:40 pm

Hi Chris! My ex broke up with me in February and I kind of agreed that we weren’t very well, we needed some time. We kept in touch for some weeks, until I missed him so much and I begged for him back, but he was always saying no and getting cold with me. He blocked me on all social networks and stopped talking to me. So I decided to apply no contact rule and tried to move on. Three months later he unblocked me and I decided to contact him first. He said he was missing me and wanted to come back, but he was insecure about his feelings. I was still in love with him, so I said we could give another chance to our relationship to see what happens. Some weeks passed and we were fine, but suddenly he got confused because he was still wanting to date other girls and at the same time to be with me. I tried for about three months to do my best to have a great relationship with him and to show him that we could be happy with each other, but he was always insecure about his feelings. It’s been a month since he decided to break up again, because he doesn’t know what he wants for now. He said he wants to meet other girls and enjoy the single life, because he didn’t have the chance to do that since we broke up for the first time. And I understand, because we had a three years relationship and we are now 19 years old. I think he wants to enjoy college with his friends, but I don’t understand how he can’t decide if he wants to be with me or not. He doesn’t know how he feels about me now. I begged for him and cried a lot, but then I realized what I was doing and said to him that it’s better to take a time to think about it, and not to talk to each other so much for a while. I said I want some answer because I want to come back, but I don’t want him to take me for granted. I will give him time to think about everything and to be sure about his feelings. He said that we might come back in the future, but he doesn’t feel like it now. I am applying no contact rule, but I don’t know if I should wait for him to contact again or not, because almost every time we talked to each other in the last month it was because I had contacted him first. It’s been a week since we talked for the last time, when he said he misses me and likes me, but still doesn’t know what he wants. I don’t know if he really loves me, because if so he wouldn’t want to date other girls, right? He hasn’t date anyone since we broke up, but I’m afraid. I love him so much and I really want to get him back. I feel that I messed things up. What should I do?

Gabi

December 12, 2015 at 6:25 pm

Hello,

Last December I started dating my best friend of 6 years, a guy who I had ‘liked’ for all of those six years, and he felt the same. Anyway we both truly thought we were in love with the other person, so we started dating. The problem was that THIS september, we both went to college. In different states. I didn’t adjust so well to college right off. My grades and everything were fine, but I was insecure and homesick and as a result I tried pulling him too close. This obviously backfired. Well, we broke up in september. But we still tried to be best friends. We called and skyped every weekend and sometimes we would talk on the phone three times in one week. When I went home on Thanksgiving break, I did a HORRIBLE job at asking him to start a relationship again. And when he said no, I said fine, walked away and haven’t talked to him since. He wanted to just be friends. I decided it would be a fine time to start no contact. So I am about 2 weeks into no contact now, I refuse to talk to him before finals are completely over. I know that we can go back to being friends. But I really do love this guy, and I know he did genuinely love me back. I don’t know how he feels now. I have heard that he misses talking to me. But I don’t know what to do. We are both going to be home when I am 3 weeks into No Contact, and I really want to contact him before christmas. I just feel like its a mistake to give this guy up. Its been so many months apart now and I have lost my insecurity, I know I love him. But I’m worried that means nothing in the greater scheme of things and I could really use some guidance. Is it possible to get him to feel non-plutonic love again?

Thanks for your time.

Mandy

December 12, 2015 at 4:14 pm

My boyfriend of 5 years broke up in Sept. I applied the no contact rule without even knowing it was a rule. Before I go into the my story I will say I have an illness and that’s the reason my bf decided to leave because he can’t handle it. This illness limits me from doing some things but I have been better over the last year and have been showing I can do more things. His thing was he wanted me to go out with him all the time and I couldn’t. But lately I can go to small events.. Ok back to my story..
However, after a month I broke down and called him and wanted to see him he didn’t think it was such a good idea because he was still confused about what direction he wanted to take. Well, I went the visit went fine. And we just left it at he was still thinking.. Then another month passed and still nothing from him. So I contacted him again this time it was harder to convince him it was a good idea if we met up. He was still saying he didn’t know yet. Well he finally agreed to me coming. This visit didn’t go so well. He seemed distant. And at one point when I meantioned working it out he agreed but then the next few days I was there it was a rollercoaster. He would say yes and then no and when he would say no it’s cause he said he wanted to have a different life. I did tons of begging that I am so ashamed for. Then last few days I was there he agreed to working it and was very nice to me and very loving. His mom came to visit from NY so I left so they would have alone time and he was suppose to pick me up after the week was over. Well he didn’t so of coarse I called again. And he said he wanted to be alone and have time to think. I asked if I could come over as friends and he thought was bad idea but he finally agreed. At this visit he said he was soul searching and trying to become a better person and that he does love me but has to let me go so he can grow into this person he invisions. He has insecurity issues and says he has to learn to love himself before he loves anyone else. And said that he doesn’t deny the possibilities of us ever getting back together but we never know what could happen. He even mentioned he could fall in love with someone else. I did go on a date with him so he could see that I can do more stuff now. Well, I left and it seemed like he was having a hard time with the goodbye but I don’t know if that means he still loves me. He was choked up and giving me tight hugs. He wished me good luck and said he thinks anything is possible (which to me means maybe us in the future). Here’s the twist to all of this 2 months into our break up this friend of his that’s a girl started hanging out with him more and I secretly think it’s her fault because he’s not alone long enought to grieve my loss. And I think she has been brainwashing him some about me. You know tell him not to be with the sick girl. And then I think maybe he thinks he has a chance with her and that’s why he’s letting me go. I’m completely devasted and feel really dumb for ever showing up those three times. I don’t know if I have a chance it this over working again. Please tell me what you think I have been losing my mind thinking he’s gone forever.

Lydia

December 12, 2015 at 1:29 pm

Hi Chris,
Your articles have been very helpful but unfortunately I came across these weeks later and while I did not necessarily beg directly, it was along the same lines.
I would enforce the NC rule, we do not really talk much anyway because it was recent, but I am in a bit of an odd situation.
We had planned a big couple trip together for two weeks during the Christmas holidays which we had organised a few months back as a celebration of being together for over two years because we had wanted quality time together. He said he still wants to go but as friends and the trip was expensive for me.
Also, he seems to have found another person rather quickly, who has bought him tickets to go on holiday with her the week before our trip (probably to enforce her value in his life so that nothing would happen between me and him which makes me feel uneasy because I do not want our trip together to be awkward if they get into a serious relationship either).
What should I do and how should I behave on our trip together? I don’t want to ruin any chance of us getting back together. Thank you for your help!

krazy love

December 12, 2015 at 6:54 am

I can’t text him, I deleted his number so I wouldnt be tempted. Only he can contact me..its been 3 days nothing. Well if he was seeing someone else why did he agree to put in a relationship with me on fb, make it official, meet my mum? Want to spend all his spare time with me before break up. Thanks for the reply btw 🙂

Worried

December 12, 2015 at 2:09 am

Thanks Chris! I really appricate it!!

Jenna

December 12, 2015 at 1:48 am

Hey Chris,
Sooo, I have been on here before about the same guy…he disappeared out of the blue and never responded to another text until I reached out 3 months later. Since then (summertime) we’ve NOT gotten back together, but we live 5 hours apart and are very busy so not like we can meet up for coffee on a whim.. Anyway, the first few months he was just cordial…texted, he always responded. For the last few months he has been making contact with me daily, phone calls too. This SHOCKED me because I really thought there was no chance…but guess what? This happened only after I gave up and stopped initiating. Not shocking to you of course haha. He was here for my birthday last month and we had a very, very minor disagreement, but parted on good terms (so I thought). Well, after he got home pure silence. That caused me to freak out and want to know what was wrong, hence making it a lot worse than it probably was. I need advice, please. What do you think? Could he just be cooling off? Should I even attempt a NC again or give up…Thanks!

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