You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed... I'm Here To Fix That

Elizabeth

December 29, 2015 at 3:32 am

I met this guy and we dated for 3 months, he broke up with me because he wasn’t getting attached like he though he should be. I’ve never felt a connection with anyone like I did with him and I thought he was the one. I spent a year trying to get him to at least start a conversation with me but eventually he told me that talking to me made him really uncomfortable so I said that I would never contact him again. What are my chances of getting him back? Do I even have a chance or should I move on?

Shai

December 29, 2015 at 1:11 am

I made it through 30 days no contact and texted him yesterday! I got a positive response, even though I begged for him back after the breakup. You’re awesome and give great advice. Should I space my texts out more because I begged?

tamy

December 27, 2015 at 4:48 pm

He wont go on a second date with me. Its so hard. He canceled pur second date with a excuse hes going out of town for the holidays. I fear he went to visit his ex. What to do chris? How to get him to go on a second date? He said he can t promose well see. What does that mean?

Amy

December 27, 2015 at 6:20 am

Hi Chris,

I absolutely love your blog and bought all your books.
I don’t know how common this reason is, but my now ex boyfriend ( long term serious partner, we moved in together for a long time as well) broke up with me two months ago with the reason “our relationship is more like a friendship and that is not what I want for the rest of my life. I love you as a friend and therefore I want to continue being friend after the break up.”
I have tried the game plan on him and he keeps just responding as “a friend”, and always said he feels uncomfortable when I try to be flirty. I understand you are very busy, but if this is a common break up reason, do you think you can potentially write a blog about it? I would love to get some male insight on this.

Thanks!

amber

December 26, 2015 at 4:47 am

Hey Chris,

So I broke up with my boyfriend over a month ago, succeeded without fail at a 41 day no contact (he emotionally cheated) and finally wrote to him on his birthday a few days ago, then said nothing for 2 days. I’ve had to initiate everything so far,
but the first thing he said was “I miss you”
so, positive response.
I called him on the phone to wish him a merry christmas, and we ended up talking too long (he did 80 percent of the talking; 2 hours) and he already wants to meet up.
I’m scared of getting hurt again. is there a possibility hes just good at manipulating? he never reached out during no contact and seemed to have no plans to…is it just because he hasnt found a rebound?

Tracy

December 25, 2015 at 6:37 pm

Chris…I did this and not proud of it. My ex boyfriend and I were together 4 1/2 years, even lived together for a year and a half. I moved out but we continued to see one another. There were issues from both ends but I contributed to the majority of them and see it very clearly now. He called it off with me in mid-November. We did not talk for about 2 weeks but then started again. We’ve hooked up several times…I know, bad…but then I found out he was seeing someone else and caught him in some lies. We are not together so I can’t be upset with him about any of that. It’s not even been a week since we’ve last talked but I’m in panic mode. I still have a key to his house, a ring he gave me, we have a combined phone plan and he has some things of mine still. I realize I messed this up and now comes the old adage of you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. I’m almost paralyzed about this whole thing and absolutely heartbroken. He told me he loved me last Saturday and then I see him with the new girl 3 days later. He admittedly says he has no idea what he’s doing and every hour of every day he thinks of me and how to try and make this work….but his actions speak so much louder than his words!! Please help.

Mia

December 24, 2015 at 8:12 pm

Hello Chris, my boyfriend broke up our super short relationship almost 1 month ago, I have tried to understand why he have done that 3 times, each time we talk he gives me different reasons and never carify things…most of our friends (we were part of the same circle, but Im going to a different school) said that he still likes me and that he misses me and used to try to make me jealous with a classmate
I dont really notice it because he never texts me, calls me or lightly contacts
And the classmate thing was nonsense
I have the feeling that we still have a chance to be together, but what should i do to call back his attention? I guess write him now wouldn’t be the best tatic…
Is it possible that we might be back or should i just move on?
Thanks for the help and support, love your site
Happy Christmas eve!!!

Jane

December 24, 2015 at 1:59 pm

I begged for my ex back for 8 months. Nothing worked. He’d come back for a day then leave. I did no contact for a month and it still didn’t work. He was still mad and said nothing would ever work and he didnt want to speak to me again. I’m back in no contact. Do I even still have a chance?

Butter

December 24, 2015 at 7:04 am

This sounds promising! Thank you so much, Chris!

Lea

December 24, 2015 at 1:00 am

Hey Chris! I adore you! Your site keeps me sane. I have two questions regarding the whole mind games thing & begging him back. I can’t say I begged but I was the one to put myself out there.

#1. How do I use NC if he never texts first (anymore)? He used to do 80% of the initiating & pursuing.
#2. How do I know if he is playing a mind game & not texting first to text me OR has truly lost interest?

A little background. He was the pursuer & was very into me, trying to win me over. Very attentive & sweet & doing everything right. I took it for granted & got comfortable. He began to pull back out of nowhere. I gave him some space & hardly text him, then I noticed if I did not text him first, he would not text me at all. However, he always replies. I finally messaged him after both of us stopped texting for two weeks. I told him I sure had missed him. He replied & said he sure missed me too. So then I basically said well if we miss each other, why did we stop talking, asked him what happened etc. He responded that nothing happened & that we BOTH stopped texting each other. He said he never said he didn’t want me in his life, just that we both stopped. I then told him I had taken all of his sweetness for granted & missed those good morning texts once they stopped. Low and behold the next morning after our convo., he did give me a good morning babe text! We had a little small talk. Then, the next couple days we are back to not texting each other again. I honestly cannot tell if he is just being polite at this point or is still into me & testing me or playing a mind game? He still refers to me as Babe or Baby but maybe that is a habit.
Please help! He really is a great guy. I should mention this is a temporary long distance thing & communication is all we have until he moves back.

Nervous

December 23, 2015 at 10:35 pm

Hey Chris! I can’t believe my no contact is over. I have to say I am very scared to send the first text.

sabrina

December 22, 2015 at 7:00 am

Hi Chris,
I would really love your advice on this…

So last summer I went out w friends, and this guy (future ex) saw me and was interested in me w out even having a conversation. He got my number from some friends, and he would text me but i showed little to no interest. Eventually he gave up. Seeing him give up on me drove me crazy, I wanted him so bad, and he ended up telling me we just don’t click. Months later we hung out again in a group of friends, and we actually started to become close friends. We would always go out in big groups of people, and my friends would always tell me they can tell he likes me.

Months later, the next summer we ended up dating. Things went pretty much perfectly that summer, we hung out all the time and he treated me extremely well. The only thing was that he was leaving for college. He constantly reassured me that him being five hours away isnt gonna change anything, and he still wants to continue w the relationship. Even though i was even unsure about it. I figured he wants to try long distance, he must be serious, I’m gonna try my best. So the first two months went well, we would keep in constant contact everyday. But a little after, about 3/4 months later things slowly changed. He wouldnt drive down every opportunity he had, he was being dry and uninterested over the phone or texts w me. It just wasn’t the same. One day I was tired of it, and we got a argument about it because i told him things were changing, and he wasn’t acting super into me like a boyfriend should. He then reassured me that next time he sees me he is going to be home for a while.

He said he was gonna take me out, and we would have a new years kiss, and he was gonna show the world that he was w the love of his life. So that obviously made me feel better and i waited for him to come home and put it all behind me.

When he came home, i saw him the first day and everything seemed perfectly normal, we went on a date and all. But literally the next day he changed. He didn’t text me, or care what i was doing or who i was with. I would try and tell him about my day and he would simply respond “cool”. I was extremely hurt at this point given that i was so excited to see him when he comes home and he promised me all this change and he acted like this.

So I called him to talk and he ended up breaking up w me. It was extremely unexpected. Just two weeks before he was describing everything we were gonna do. He basically said he had lost all feelings for me. He said he still cares for me and loves me as a person but he doesn’t like me like that anymore. He said he doesn’t mind being friends w me but he can’t date me, that he doesn’t see himself being happy w me, he doesn’t see a future w me. He also reassured me that he wasn’t mad at me, it was just how he felt, that he has been feeling like that for the past month and he gave it a try when he came home and it just didn’t work out.

Obviously this hurt me and i tried talking to him about it but he said he didn’t want to, that he’s told me everything. That night i posted a friend picture to get him jealous or thinking. So the next day (literally) i see him at a party and he totally ignored me, but i ended up getting so drunk that i needed help from friends, and he was there trying to help me and defending me and making sure i was alright. Ive been posting on social media of me having fun, and i texted him saying “you make it so awkward” and he responded nicely but i didn’t answer after that cause i realized what i was doing…

Do you think the no contact rule works even when he leaves back up to college?
do you think its still worth it and i still have a chance even after all these circumstances?
what do you recommend me to do or not do

Brittany

December 22, 2015 at 6:34 am

I wish I could just have the power back. I feel it would help get over my ex. Situation: I still care for him but he is with another girl(got her pregnant) and I know he is not good for me but I wish he missed me. Stupid I know. I wish you could write an article how to get over an ex.

Clueless

December 21, 2015 at 8:35 pm

Hi Chris! I remember reading how you sent video sto your now wife. I was thinking about doing something like that during the text massage period? Saying something about good luck on your final? Does that sound ok? If he has a girlfriend should I still do this?

Yellow

December 21, 2015 at 1:43 pm

Since my previous comment, he’s only gotten angrier…

Yellow

December 21, 2015 at 5:38 am

Hey Chris,
Unfortunately I am in this position and I am thinking about starting the NC rule…but there is a slight problem and I’m not sure what I should do…I’ve tried giving him space before and not responding to his texts, I don’t open them and I don’t make it look as if I’m ignoring him. But after a few hours he will text again, then an hour after that he will say something along the lines of…
“Fine. Scre..w you, goodbye.”
Recently, I’ve also picked up on an error…during the push pull tactic it seems as if we are both doing that tactic…however, whenever I seem to pull – he pushes – and whenever I seem to push him away – he pulls me in – except when I push him away, he gets really upset and refuses to talk to me…that’s why I’ve started the NC…
And I feel as if he won’t want to talk to me after the NC period is up…so I crumble and text him back .-. It’s a terrible habit but do I continue to do the NC even if he throws his little temper tantrums? (I got my email wrong so I had to retool the comment!)

-yellloolooow

Yellow

December 21, 2015 at 5:23 am

Hey Chris,
Unfortunately I am in this position and I am thinking about starting the NC rule…but there is a slight problem and I’m not sure what I should do…I’ve tried giving him space before and not responding to his texts, I don’t open them and I don’t make it look as if I’m ignoring him. But after a few hours he will text again, then an hour after that he will say something along the lines of…
“Fine. Screw you, goodbye.”
Recently, I’ve also picked up on an error…during the push pull tactic it seems as if we are both doing that tactic…however, whenever I seem to pull – he pushes – and whenever I seem to push him away – he pulls me in – except when I push him away, he gets really upset and refuses to talk to me…that’s why I’ve started the NC…
And I feel as if he won’t want to talk to me after the NC period is up…so I crumble and text him back .-. It’s a terrible habit but do I continue to do the NC even if he throws his little temper tantrums? (I got my email wrong so I had to retool the comment!)

-yellloolooow

Yellow

December 21, 2015 at 5:11 am

Hey Chris,
Unfortunately I am in this position and I am thinking about starting the NC rule…but there is a slight problem and I’m not sure what I should do…I’ve tried giving him space before and not responding to his texts, I don’t open them and I don’t make it look as if I’m ignoring him. But after a few hours he will text again, then an hour after that he will say something along the lines of…
“Fine. Screw you, goodbye.”
And I feel as if he won’t want to talk to me after the NC period is up…so I crumble and text him back .-. It’s a terrible habit but do I continue to do the NC even if he throws his little temper tantrums?

Tracey

December 21, 2015 at 2:51 am

Chris,
I’ve been reading a lot of your articles. I am not sure if I should just move on and forget about my ex boyfriend or if I should fight for him. He is the one that ended things with me. We fought a lot and I placed my happiness on him. I know where I went wrong and he said he needed time to figure out if he wanted me. Since our break up, about 2 weeks ago now, I have tried to convince him I am good for him. Hasn’t worked. Until I didn’t contact him or respond to one of his text messages. He then contacted me again and we kept texting all day. He ended up coming out to where I was and said he couldn’t promise me anything but wanted to try to work things out. We spent the night together and about 2 hours after he left me he said he was still not sure. Then again said he wanted to try. I’m so confused. I have since started the NCR. The last thing he said to me was he would never forget me and to have a Merry Christmas. I’m heartbroken and so confused. Please help.

Tamy

December 20, 2015 at 9:28 pm

Im on official nc

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