42 thoughts on “What Your Ex Boyfriends Hot And Cold Behavior Really Means”

1. 

   Emily

   January 18, 2019 at 5:58 pm

   This is great but I really wish it made suggestions on how to handle it best or what to do to fix it.

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   January 18, 2019 at 8:20 pm

   It all comes back to creating value and attraction or reinforcing it and that is a process accomplished through many tactics and also the effect time has on the male psyche.

2. 

   Siobhan

   January 16, 2019 at 3:17 am

   Hi Chris,

   Ex and I dated for 3.5 years, lived together the past 5 months. He broke up with me in August of this past year, but we got back together after a week because he said he’d made the wrong decision and was just unhappy with himself. We move in together, and all is well. Then on January 1st (a great way to start the new year) he tells me he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore. We both move out of the apartment and are living separately.

   I am day 3/21 into NC and I just have a lot of worries and a lot of doubt. He has said he loves me, but he doesn’t want to fix our relationship (there were never any major problems, just some tension and things like that), but that he is “open to having his mind changed about that in the future”. Says he wants to take this time to make himself a better person, and to focus on his passions and goals. When he broke up with me, he said he wasn’t going to actively look for anyone else or download Tinder. I found out a few days later that he is already pursuing another girl (not a relationship, just some flirting I think) and has downloaded Tinder.

   Also, today he removed pics of us from his SM, but also randomly visited me at work to say hi.

   Super mixed signals going on kind of all over the place.

   Any guidance?

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   January 16, 2019 at 4:00 am

   Hi Siobhan…I know….those mixed signals can be confusing. But keep you focus on your recovery and healing and doing those things I talk about in my Program. I think you ex is caught up in between feelings and needs to find himself and also realize he has taken your value for granted. This can come in time.

3. 

   Michelle

   December 29, 2018 at 4:47 am

   Hi Chris,
   I have no idea what to do anymore. He is incredibly hot and cold and he is my bf. I was away last week for 5 days and after 2 days he breaks up with me saying never contact me again, we aren’t meant to be, being extremely cold. Then the next day calling me a bunch of times saying please I need help coping and when I answer him it’s like nothing is wrong. He’s like I acted that way because I didn’t see you for a couple of days and when I brought it up it was like he was just kidding. Then after he’s so lovey dovey for 2 days saying how much he loves and misses me and how god put me on this earth for him. Its been a week and he’s back to his grumpy, depressed, unsure self. I am scared to do a full no contact because the situation is a little complicated in the fact that he is debating whether to move back to Australia or not and within the next couple of weeks. I think I am just holding on for a couple of more weeks because he got laid off in October and he starts his job again soon. That is where all of our problems started. Everything was great up until then and now there’s so many things in the way like his ex who lives in Australia, he has a house there with her that is being fixed up to sell so that is stressing him out. He is super depressed and hates living in new York. Always wants to be alone and needing space. I can definitely tell that he is becoming more distant. He has broken up with me so many times in the past 2 months. All of this back and forth is driving me insane. I love him so much but I don’t know what to do besides no contact (which i’m holding off on because I’m afraid he will leave). He weirdly blocked me on Instagram last week and for some reason he won’t unblock me. Not sure if it has to do with his ex or not but the whole situation is so bizarre. It’s like we are good for a few days and then he goes to work, sits in his truck and just gets in his head so much. What is the best piece of advice for my situation? Thank you!

4. 

   Erica

   December 28, 2018 at 2:00 pm

   Thank you for your quick answer Chris.
   Yes, I understand but… I miss him and I know we could use another chance. While building rapport he talked about our connection and the sparkle being still there, he even told me that I still made him happy. But whenever he got closer, he took a step back, even if I always acted cool in order to not “scare” him off. He was like holding himself back. This is why I need to keep fighting but… I don’t know what to do. I try to supercharge my inner UG but I don’t even know if he is paying attention to my social media and all…

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   December 29, 2018 at 2:22 am

   Hi again Erica!

   He probably will be paying attention…most guys do.

5. 

   Erica

   December 27, 2018 at 11:51 pm

   I lived the hot and cold situation for a year, after the break up and NC, while building rapport. He started to get distant and the hot-cold thing were too much, so I did an 60 days NC (I had done mini NCs before and he always texted). He didn’t text and when I did (a text which was nice, friendly, cool and interesting, I have read your posts about it and I was prepared), he didn’t text back.
   I am afraid he may be dating another girl. But I don’t know anything, he even dissappeared from social media (except for one, but we are not friends there since he created his account after the break up). I don’t have clues. I can’t text him again, he never did the no-answer thing, sometimes he waited days before even read, but he always texted back. He didn’t even text me on my birthday (in the middle of my 60 days nc) or for christmas. Texting him again would be useless.
   I played the UG game well, but is not working. I don’t know what to do. I am afraid that he may be with another girl or… I don’t know.
   Can you help me, please?

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   December 28, 2018 at 12:02 am

   Hi Erica!

   Obviously, we can’t control what our exes choose to do in their lives. Whether it be ignoring you or exploring another relationship. All we can do is put our best plan forward and implement as well as we can, which you have done. So turn your focus on whatever continued healing and recovery you need for yourself. Focus on being the best “you”, not for him, but for yourself. He knows where to find you and if he chooses not to pursue, it’s his loss.

6. 

   Jessica

   December 25, 2018 at 6:15 am

   I cheated on my ex. He found out and we broke up. This was 6 months ago. Since then, I dated, me and him kept talking but it never amounted to anything. Fast forward a few months, in September we met up and he wants to try and fix things with me. I’ve done a lot to make things work and regain his trust. The main issue is when we broke up, he was so mad he told family and friends what had happened. They now hate me… We’ve now been hanging out for a few months and things are going well. But he is still not ready to commit and tell people me and him are dating again. What do I do? It’s as if he loves being with me but he doesn’t know how to take that next step. He says he is trying and if he was leading me on he wouldn’t be seeing me at all. I know it’s a big thing to move past but I made a big mistake and I’ve done so much to fix things. I just have a lot of anxiety and thoughts that he’s playing me or he’s just now seeing me for convenience.

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   December 25, 2018 at 11:34 pm

   Hi Jessica!

   Just think in terms of little steps. Keep building these positive memories and moments. Trust will continue to build. Then when its time to talk about commitment, its best if he initiates it.

7. 

   Rach

   December 21, 2018 at 5:40 pm

   I did no contact and then reached out and he answered and was really responsive. We talked for a few days straight catching up and eventually we followed each other back on all social media. We typically only communicate through Snapchat and once we added each other back on there, we snapped and texted for a couple more days but it felt like we were just jumping right back into things so quickly without talking about our breakup and where things went wrong in our relationship. I didn’t want the same mistakes or unresolved issues to ruin us again so I texted him saying that there’s some things we need to talk about and I haven’t heard from him since. I’m not sure what to do now.

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   December 21, 2018 at 11:35 pm

   Hi Rach!

   Just take a pause. If he can’t come around to agreeing to talk honestly about things, then obviously he is not ready and if that is the case, then you should take a longer pause. Be sure to tap into all the resources and tools you can find on my Home Page to help you with successfully implementing my Program!