What Your Ex Says Vs. What They Mean- The Comprehensive Guide

909 thoughts on “What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means”

Ms. Joy

December 10, 2015 at 2:24 pm

My boyfriend and I got back together, but then after a month we broke up again. I know i mishandled it. he did change for me. But i keep on having doubts and we kept on fighting. Now he said he doesnt love me anymore. That he thinks he only loves me as friend only cause he doesnt like the relationship anymore. And it hurts like hell. I want to know. Does he really mean it? Can i still have a chance to get him back. Pls. Tell me. If i still have a chance.
l

December 9, 2015 at 11:27 pm

I feel like an idiot for even commenting on this but I’m trying to make sense of things. My boyfriend, of a year and a half, and I lived together. I basically gave up on the relationship, I mean obviously not completely, but I stopped putting in any effort. I gave up on myself as well. He started talking to another girl from a different state. I didn’t know until I looked through his phone one day. They said I love you to each other, they talked about sexual things, he sent her places he was looking at to rent, all that jazz. All while living with me and sleeping in bed with me every night and still telling me he loved me. I found out and freaked out, obviously. I started throwing his shit outside and he came home and took the rest out and called up one of those places he was looking at and rented it and left. When he was getting the rest of his things out, he said believe it or not I care about you and i don’t want to do this. Then I proceeded to be bat shit crazy and he said he doesn’t want me anymore, he’s completely done with me. Well, we end up hooking up a couple of times after that. Then, I go out one night, and word gets to him that I’m meeting some guy, sure enough he shows up at the bar I was at shortly after I arrived. We hooked Up that night too but before that, we had a really good time playing pool together. He stared at me the entire time. He walked over to me and bit my neck and even kissed me. So, there I go again being bat shit crazy and begging for him back and he tells me he doesn’t want to be with me, he’s not the person for me anymore and to go be with the guy I was supposed to meet. Made several comments about so called guy. After that night, we continue to text the way we always have where we send multiple texts to each other and respond to each one. I called him up one night and he says to me, I don’t want to lead you on or you to get the wrong idea but we are never getting back together, I don’t want to be with you, I’m willing to be friends but if you can’t do that I’m fine with not talking to you. So being the desperate love struck bitch I am, I go crazy again, then a few days later agree to being friends and he reminded me that it will never be nothing more than friends. We texted like friends I guess, the next day. But still with the multiple texts and responses. Obviously out of habit or something. I ended the convo with a goodnight. Didn’t talk to him the next day, then at night I get a text from him telling me about tbells new nachos, he knows I love nachos. I’ve also received a text From him talking about a couple good memories we’ve had together and with my mom. I forgot to mention, the night he told me we were nothing more than friends, he asked what happened to the other “guy”. We were going to go out and play pool this weekend and then he got tired and said why don’t you just have that guy take you. Also, last night I sent a sexual text because I was intoxicated and I’m an idiot, but he responded this morning talking about a sexual memory we had together then sent a sexual picture of me and him. I responded and he sent another sexual memory saying he will never forget that time. I know, a lot, I’m sorry….but that’s where I’m at and I’m trying to make sense of it all, could you possibly help me even a little bit haha? I put haha because its ridiculous but I’m still serious.

l

December 25, 2015 at 3:18 am

I have so many questions. Please help.
l

December 16, 2015 at 1:42 am

I just don’t know what to do.

Maggie

December 9, 2015 at 12:40 am

My boyfriend and I broke up 6 months ago. Since then I have tried to do the no contact rule so many times over and over again and somehow whether it be myself or if he reaches out to me I break that no contact rule. I don’t know how to just ignore him. We have hung out at least once a month since we broke up and we still hook up (at first we didn’t and tried to fight it but now sometimes we hang out for a whole weekend like when we were together.) My ex has admitted to me that he hasn’t fully moved on but that he doesn’t see a future for us. Both of us have tried to date other people but somehow we both don’t know how to say no to one another. He has told me that he is confused because he doesn’t do this usually with girls that he doesn’t see a future with but he has fun hanging out with me even though he feels like he shouldn’t. I know he cares more than he would like to admit but I also feel like we are both trying to move on even though I still want him and miss him. He has told me recently that maybe we need to try to move on from this or more so I should try to move on to someone else. My ex has always been stubborn and doesn’t like to communicate or talk about feelings which was one of our core issues. I don’t know what to do, can you please advise step by step what I should do? I’ve never been so stuck on a guy before. Thank you!

Maggie

December 11, 2015 at 11:00 pm

He still talks to me when I reach out and will be there for me when I need it. I know he is still holding back and I think he is conflicted as well. I believe he still has feeling for me but feel like he shouldn’t be with me. What do I do?
Maggie

December 9, 2015 at 12:47 am

I was also curious if these “how to get your ex back” rules even apply to me anymore since it’s been 6 months and I’ve broken the no contact rule so many times and this has been going on? I would love your advice on what I can do at this point if I wanted my ex back?
Chris Seiter

December 9, 2015 at 4:14 am

How has the ex responded to that so far?

Joanne

December 8, 2015 at 9:05 am

When my ex broke up with me, he said “no one know what will happen in the future, maybe some day he will fall in love with me again”. What does this mean? Is it just a way to hurting me? or He have a positive thinking?
Desirae

December 5, 2015 at 5:50 pm

I’ve been recently dumped, but he died I was putting to much pressure on him but the day after my friend Cameron talk to him and he told Cameron that never ment to say yes to me I the first place so I was wondering what that ment.

Chris Seiter

December 7, 2015 at 6:04 pm

WAit, he died?
Desirae

December 5, 2015 at 5:51 pm

Sorry I ment said not died.

leah

November 20, 2015 at 8:41 pm

Hi,

What if he tells you he loves you one day and you have planned a future together, by future I don’t mean the rest of our lives but we live in different countries and planned to both move to the same country in a few months, and then literally the next day he tells you he never wants to talk to you again. I have tried to ask him why and all he tells me is that he doesn’t have to explain himself to me. I told him I want a friendship with him still and he says no.
Kaylee

November 20, 2015 at 7:53 am

Me and my ex boyfriend didn’t have an actual break up and neither of us wanted to break up or said anything about it. But it was over 2 years ago and personally I can’t stop finding myself thinking about him and missing him. Anyways, months after we lost contact,we were messaging on Facebook and naturally the conversation led to talking about getting back together. And he said “I don’t wanna hurt you again” when he never hurt me. What does that mean?

Kaylee

November 20, 2015 at 8:00 am

And more towards the beginning he said “I’m not ready for a relationship”

Esther

November 16, 2015 at 3:15 am

BTW, the whole thing seemed suspicious to me so I said I just hoped she wasn’t a rebound. He said nope, she’s the real thing. But he has had a history of rebound relationships in the past so.
Esther

November 16, 2015 at 12:48 am

What if your ex gets engaged? I was in a two-year long relationship with my ex. Towards the end, our relationship had already dissipated and we began arguing a lot. By chance, he got offered a higher-paying job offer in PA (we were living in CA). We continued talking but he got engaged to a new girl after knowing her only three or four months. We always maintained that once we got married we would stop talking.

He told me “I am never getting back together with you.” I figured I would do three months of NC. If not it will still be easier to move on. What do you think?
Mary

November 14, 2015 at 2:51 am

My no contact ended, and my ex contacted me saying he missed the Mary he met 4 years ago. After a week passed, I sent him a text saying “Forgiveness Always and be well. He responded, “The forgetting is the always, u be well. What did he mean?
JJ

November 12, 2015 at 1:30 pm

Hi Chris,

I’ve really enjoyed reading your pages and have learned a lot. My ex boyfriend broke up with me almost a week ago saying to never call him again because he was caught cheating and was upset that I was telling the other woman the truth.

Before all of this occured my boyfriend and I had been together for a year. I received a fb messagefrom a woman claiming to be his gf of 3 months. .of course I was very hurt, shocked and devastated. He said she was someone he used to be with 12yrs ago but always had love for her. A few days later my ex boyfriend and I talked and decided we didn’t want to lose what he had and talked about what we needed from one another to make our relationship work but we were going to put the work in. He also confessed to starting something with this woman from his past and apologized for letting his past get in the way of our relationship as it was an escape from the problems we were having. So I forgave him for this.

The next day…he was with her again..which is when she decided to contact me asking questions. .which is when he told me to never contact him again. That was 7 days ago and I have not heard from him since. I will also admit that I did send numerous text one day asking why he would do such a thing to hurt me etc. That is when i received a text from the other woman saying to not contact him again and that he has blocked my number.

So jusy confused right now and still hurt as to how he could want to be with me and work things out one moment then turn around and be with someone else the next and completely shut me out when he was the one who cheated. Supposedly they are rekindling a 12yr old love.
Kim

November 11, 2015 at 7:12 am

My ex had a big argument with me due to something stupid his ex wife did that he tried to blame me for. After saying things to me that we both hated each other, that he didn’t care if I did what his ex wife did but encouraged me to do so because he could care less and said that he used me and most importantly he said he was glad that my mother was dead. Yes that one I’m still trying to forgive him for. But that night he text me and said, if you truly care then call, so I did. We talked for hours, he apologized for the things he said but supposedly couldn’t recall what he said to me because he said he saw red. He did say that he said those things to hurt me because he wanted me to hurt as bad as he was. He also said that he didn’t hate me and that he cared about me and I had to know that, which I said to him that I didn’t because of all the things he said to me. But this was thanksgiving morning last year, he said we would get together that sat to talk which I agreed. But 12 Hours I received a text that said, SHE IS GOING TO BE OK, WE ARE STILL IN LOVE AND ARE GOING TO TRY AND MAKE IT WORK. I WILL NEVER CONTACT YOU AGAIN, GOODBYE KIM.
And he kept to his word even though I texted him and even tried to call him. But once I was finally trying to move on and try to get my heart to heal he called me Aug 14 of this year. I debated whether or not to answer it but I did but didn’t know what to say after 10 months so I said, I believe you dialed the wrong number, and silence , so I said hello twice and silence. But Then I Could Hear Men talking in the background but I couldn’t make out what they were saying that it was kind of muffled. But he has his phone on for 13 minutes before he hung up right before he was to clock out from work to go home. I text him two days later and told him that I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings when I answer the phone that way and if he wanted to talk i would be willing to. I also told him I didn’t believe that he butt dialed me because my number wouldn’t be in his recent calls let alone in his phone because I’m sure if his ex wife found out that it wouldn’t go over to well. But I haven’t heard from him since and I don’t know if he was trying to reach out or what. So can you shine some light on what he said about never contacting me again but after 10 months he does in Aug but says nothing….. any help would greatly be appreciated. Nov 18the will make a year since we ended things. Please give me some insight whether it’s bad or good.
Alexis

November 9, 2015 at 7:42 pm

Hi Chris,
This is pretty insightful information. Here’s a breakdown of my situation: we’ve known each other for over 2 years, dated for about 7 months, we were so into each other and in love. Then there were fights, and not the good ones, I’m the type of person who forgives and let’s go of the petty things but he’s the opposite, he definitely took them to heart and caused to break up with me. After the break up we were in an on and off/sort of “relationship”, nothing defined. A few arguments here and there but for some reason he always seemed to come around. The chemistry has always been there, lots of attraction for one another! Now, a last fight and he told me to leave him alone and he didn’t want to be involved in this anymore, however he then said “it doesn’t mean we can’t be friends but please leave me alone!” but I’m left confused as 3 weeks is odd for him not to reach out and he was perfectly fine a day before. I fall into the Never talk to me again (situation 2) yes I admit it. After he told me such, I texted him only 3 times in the span of 2 days, I got NO response. I’m applying NC, or actually he is! It’s been 3 weeks I haven’t seen him, 2 weeks since we last spoke and he ignored my texts. What to do Chris and is this a lost case since I kinda fall in situation 2? I’m afraid he’s done and gone for good. Your advice is much appreciated!!
Lane

November 1, 2015 at 6:39 am

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. Maybe on day 2.

In the past, my boyfriend has had some wishy washy behavior where he does one thing and says another. Meaning one day could go great for us, the next day everything I said gets on his nerves he says some pretty hurtful things but then returns later to say he doesn’t mean them. Quite recently he has turned to saying mean things in front of company, his mom, strangers outside when he doesn’t get his way. He blames me for everything that goes wrong making me feel and seem completely inadequate.

About a month ago, I found pictures in his phone and Facebook messages that confirmed he cheated on me. When confronted he never admitted but danced around the topic. Since his cheating, he has become extremely jealous and insecure. Saying every time he has a chance that I’m a slut, etc. when in actuality he’s the cheater.

Small arguements about me not washing his clothes turn into him blowing up and saying extremely mean things including calling me out of my name, telling me how much he hates me, breaking up with me and usually him leaving out dramatically or putting me out. But always returning later to say he didn’t mean those things.

A couple of days ago, it escalated to something bigger including him pushing me and scratching me. The police were called and a file was made. He attempted to call me after I left maybe 2 hours after the incident. I ended up texting him telling him how ashamed I was. And he texted me back telling me to move on.

Plot twist: I’m 5 weeks pregnant, I sent him the sonogram and he has unblocked me from his phone and has said very little words.

But am I crazy to think that we have a chance? Or can you help me decode these actions? I’m afraid that I am confused.

Thank you.
Viv

October 28, 2015 at 1:02 pm

Hi Chris,

Your advice is amazing and love that you’re advocating the element of self respect back on us girls shoulders.

We’ve only been together for 6 weeks. He’s said he loves me since week 1, I was still trying to keep up. He really put himself out there. He treated me well, he paid for everything, talked, laughed with me, he would open doors for me, took me out, amazing sex. You name it. It was great and it felt genuine.
He never set out to find a girlfriend and when he met me, he seemed willing and ready. He’s a real lad, everyone loves him. Mr social, would do anything for his mates but drinks like its the last day on earth. This became an issue by week 3 and we broke up. A few days later, we were back on based on his words “he thought he could change”, We knew both of us are not great at relationships but cared too much not to try.
I’m pretty insecure about relationships and I know it shows. After the first break, my insecurities came out. When he’s out drinking he’s invincible and confident and tells me he loves me a lot. (Also when he’s sober). I asked him not too while he was drunk. By week 6, he had begun to question everything. The last week he backed right off but still made some effort. It ended with tears and me trying to convince him he was making a mistake (felt like begging, horrible). In my haste trying to prove this would be final, I deleted his snapchat, FB, in front of him. He didn’t budge (so dumb). But I never at one point ever felt unwanted, even that morning until I bought up something wasn’t right
And tried to have a grown up conversation. He said he wasn’t sure, and wasn’t sure he wanted a girlfriend. However, He refused to tell me he didn’t love me and that he wanted me to leave but only saying its for the best. The last time we spoke by text i asked for some jewellery I thought I’d left behind (in the dam wash basket). It didn’t end in anger but the last thing he said was “goodbye”, I asked if he was sure and his reply was “it’s for the best”.
I’ve had little resistance, few signs that he didn’t care.
He’s been a boy all his life (34 now) it’s like he wants to be 18 and sees so much value in drinking with his mates over being in a grown up relationship. He’s cheated on girls he loved before, stating its greener on the other side. I think he regrets this now he’s older.
I’m far from silly, I know when it’s not right or not working… This isn’t that. I don’t need perfection! Nor am I unrealistic.
I’m so confused. Goodbye is very definite. Isn’t it?
I’m In NC but it’s so new, in shaky foundation but has so much potential.
Thank you. Viv
Neve

October 28, 2015 at 7:31 am

What if he says “we’re not getting back together” 3 months after the break up? We were together for over 6 years.
Lauren

October 26, 2015 at 9:19 pm

Hi Chris,

I desperately need your advice! I have been going over and over things in my head and stumbled upon your sight. Ok, so my boyfriend just broke up with me for the final time 3 days ago. I just realized that all I have been doing these past 3 days is believe that its ok, we’re going to get back together…and everything I do, I have him in my mind.

I am going to give you some background on the relationship, so then you could maybe please tell me if I seriously need to move on, or if they may be slight hope.

So we were together for almost 9 months. In those 9 months, I cheated on him 3 times. The first time he knew about, the second time his friends told him about (which I then continued to lie about and deny for about 4 months), and a third time which happened around the same time of the second incident, but I never told him about until recently. So he broke up with me, saying that he loves me but that he just cant trust me and he’s sorry. He said we cannot speak at all (for at least 3 months).

In this time since I cheated I have completely changed my life in order to show how much I love him and how sorry I am for all my mistakes, and that I’d honestly do anything for him (because I really do love him!). He said he can see the change and that I’d make some guy very happy one day.

So…by him saying we cant speak for at least 3 months mean that maybe in 3 months after hes healed we can get back together?

Please bare in mind that we’ve broken upi about 5 times before and have gotten back together because when we see each other we just reconnect and the love never goes away, regardless of everything.

SO do I move on? Or carry on hoping?

Chris Seiter

December 4, 2015 at 5:44 am

hmmm that is a tough one. 3 times would be heartbreaking to anyone. What caused you to cheat in the first place?

I’m not sure if he will get back with you again but its worth a try. It sounds like he got back with you in the past so maybe.

Lindsay

October 26, 2015 at 7:50 pm

Your perspective is interesting to me. Would love a genuine guys take on my situation. I know that sometimes stories can get winded, so I’ll try and be brief. My recent ex were together for 10 months. We had a breakdown one night. It wasn’t an angry fight, but me trying to understand him and why he’s been acting so different towards me. He’d been pushing me away. He let out that he just hasn’t been happy. He doesn’t know why. It broke my heart. He kept saying it wasn’t me. That I was perfect. That he felt I deserved better and that he was holding me back. I tried to reassure him that wasn’t the case. That I love him and if I felt that he was holding me back, I wouldn’t’ be in the relationship. He told me he loved me and in the same conversation, he said “maybe I need some time”. With what he shared with me, I thought maybe he’s going through a depression. We said that we weren’t breaking up, but it sure felt like this was what he was wanting. However, it was confusing being that he said he was still interested, didn’t want to break up, and loved me. We took about 3 weeks of space. I texted him twice to check in, but only got a polite Thank you. The three weeks was agonizing. We went from texting everyday and seeing each other every week to nothing! (I would like to make note that I never asked him to text me everyday, in fact it was him that was the “texter” and wanted to see me all the time). After the 3 weeks and many hours of research and going over what happened and reflecting on our relationship, I realized that I couldn’t hold on anymore. I went to his house to talk and he said he was sleeping better and felt ok. I got the assumption that maybe it was me. That he wanted me to be the girl, but he just fell out of love and didn’t want to accept it? My concern is, if he was truly going through a depression, did I do the right thing to say goodbye? I was crushed to see how sad he was and I told him that I want him to be happy so to take care of himself. So I said that maybe taking our relationship off the table would be for the better. He agreed. I don’t understand though, if the feelings are mutual, how can he let me go so easily? I don’t want him to think that I abandoned him, but at the same point, he wasn’t reaching out to me in our time apart. It’s been over a month since our big explosion of emotions and don’t expect much from his end. I still love him and miss him very much. So….did I do the right thing? I’ve been feeling bad that perhaps he really needed me and I ended up walking away. I don’t know if he is depressed, I don’t know if he got help, I don’t know if it was actually me or him. Thoughts?
Grace

October 22, 2015 at 9:15 am

I gound out my boyfriend cheated about 3 weeks ago. He said he wanted me back and wanted to try again. After spending a few days apart i knew my love for him qas stronger then what he had done and i wanted to take him back. After spending 2 weeks away he started being snappy towards me. He hardly contacted me and then 3 days ago he told me he “dosnt think we will work again”. He told me monday that he dosnt think he can see is working again. I sent him a goodbye message and said that i wish things turned out differently and i still love him.
Yes im hurt and i still love him and i want him back in my life. Im currently 3 days into the no contact rule.
I need help on what to do and how to get him back
gea

October 21, 2015 at 2:05 pm

Hi Chris,

i have an ex, we broke up two years ago, we were in ldr about one year, only met twice but so memorable/pleasant. we were a conservative couple bcause our asian culture though he lives in ca. so we only think hve sex aftr marriage. so, we nvr had sex, we were happy just to share knowledge, work life, daily life, etc. hand in hand, kissing n hugging are enough to make us happy. i was his 1st kiss.

when i asked him to break up, he 1st thought that i broke him up bcause our ldr, he thought that i was paranoia. he tried to calm me down n asked me to meet up again soon, but i refused. i was so hurt bcause i was jealous with his female friends (he sometimes gave a like to some his female friends’ pic specially one person bcause he has ever liked that person). but he always said that he doesnt like her n only be friend bcause she is older than him. but saw he liked her pic made my heart so hurt even more, day by day i held it till exploded.

we didnt break up well, bcause we had a quarrel, blamed each others. he asked me to be friends, we texted to each others like usual, but whenever we texted, we had a lil quarrel, blamed each others. i knew that i loved him so much n i asked him whether someday we can get back tgther or not. he said we cant get back tgther. i was so sad, had depression, i tried to be fine in front of him n move on, met a new guy, he asked me about that guy, but he didnt allow me to be close with that guy bcause he thought he is a bad guy. he gave me an advise, he said he prefers to stay single till 10 years later n focused on his career. then we texted like usual about few days then sddnly he didnt respond my msgs. i wondered why. then i tried, committed to move on. i deactived my fb.

during move on time, my another ex (korean) asked me to get back tgther, he met or asked my mom’s permission whenever wanna go out with me, even always sent me his driver to pick me up when he was busy at work. i was happy that, he was my 1st love, i was thinking that mybe i could fall in love again with him. he asked me to get back tgther, but i realized i couldnt get back tgther, i hve no feelings anymore n he couldnt change his workaholic side, he said he wanna be a ceo n it will affect me which is no time for me, even ignored me like bfore (when he wanted to be a manager) n paid it off with our time tgther (hangout, romantic dinner, holiday, traveling, had fun, shopping etc). for him, money is everything. so i cut him off though my mom felt disappointed with me when she knew i rejected him. mybe ppl think that i was stupid bcause i rejected a succesful rich man like him. mybe money isnt what i want n need for my happiness.

my exes knows that im not a gold digger woman, im a career woman n hve a high pride.

aftr that, i met a new guy again which is my bf now, 3 years younger than me, im 25 years old now. more than one year relationship till present. i love him, im happy with him. sddnly my ex texted me again aftr 4months no contact me, he curious about my life. (mybe he did no contact rules, but i dunno anyway, im not sure), he often texts me till present (i nvr text him 1st), it’s about one year till present. he often compliments me, my pics like when he has ever done in the past. i said to him that he always compliments many girls, but he said, he only gves a compliment ppl deserve it. he has thought that i hve a bf bcause whenever he asked my instagram id, i always refused. i also refused to use fb again till i get offer an MBA in top ten univ in the world. i cant tell him if i hve a bf, bcause im afraid to hurt him, my bf undrstands it. my ex only knows that im single. he said he is afraid to fly, but couple months later he said he will come to a country n asked me to meet up there like we did bfre. but i refused it, i said i hve no important reason to go there n meet him. then a couple days later he said he has plan to visit me with his male friend, visit some good places, hike mountains, night club n party here (in the past he nvr visited night clubs or attended a party, his activities has changed). but i wonder about his behaviours towards me, it confuses my feelings now. me n my bf still keep our relationship status from our friends, so only bestfriends know about us. we will tell ppl, if we can get offer in top ten univ in the world or hve a good job/career with high salary. bcause we focused on career 1st.

but recently i think about my ex, his behaviours, i wonder n wonder why he wanna meet me up. am i still hving feelings for him? i dunno, confused. i feel guilty somehow, bcause i feel sad sometimes without knowing, i feel incomplete n lonely though i hve a perfect bf in my eyes. i only think lonely, lonely n lonely. i miss something that i dont even know. incomplete sddnly.

sorry for my long story but i still hope u can respond my post n help enlighten me. thanks, hve a good day.

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