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187 thoughts on “What To Do If You Had Sex With Your Ex?”

  1. Nicola

    January 20, 2021 at 4:27 pm

    So I’ve started seeing my ex again, I seem”n him yesterday (the 4th time seeing each other since breaking up)…we ended up having sex‍♀️ He’s now acting distance what do i do next????!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 21, 2021 at 3:06 pm

      Hi Nicola, you pull back just the same, allow him to come to you do not be needy and chasse him. Keep busy.

  2. Worriedbutwishful

    January 5, 2021 at 2:38 pm

    My ex and i recently reconnected in early November over social media & have been talking every day since. We broke up Bc he cheated on me 4 years ago when we both started college (he left to another state). We haven’t seen eachother since he left to his first year & didn’t talk for 3 years after we broke up. We both got into new relationships as well. He came back home in December & we met up. We had very deep conversations and he apologized for everything he’s done to me saying i was an amazing girlfriend and an amazing person & kept thanking me for talking and seeing him. We didn’t do anything sexual. We hung out with eachother 3x more after this. 1x w our friends & 2x intimately. I wasn’t planning on having sex with him on our 3rd “date” but in the moment it happened. He asked to see me again the next night (also his last night) & he told me he “doesn’t care if we have sex or not just being with you makes me happy, you’re so precious”… we had sex again & it was amazing. When he walked me out he told me how sad he was and how he wishes he had more time with me & to come visit him in the other state. I said “i know we’ve been only talking again for a short amount of time but i want to clarify with you, is this all just bc you’re home & comfortable with me?” He responded “i would never f**k & dump you. I really like you. But, i am going to be gone for another year & I’m not going to say let’s hop into a long distance relationship” i said “that’s not what I’m asking for i just don’t want feelings getting hurt bc i do care about you” & he said “if you’re thinking I’m going to ghost you that’s not what I’m gonna do”. We agreed we were on the same page. He’s gone back now & we still have been in contact every day since then but do you think i can trust all that he said on our last night? Or will he slowly drift away? I’ve been trying to not be so available & responding when i can. Any advice to keep this ball rolling would be greatly appreciated. I haven’t stopped loving him. Thank you

  3. Mira

    November 30, 2020 at 12:50 am

    I slept with my ex (obviously which is the reason I’m on this chat, as I just read your advice on what to do after you sleep with your ex) although admittedly he’s not exactly an ex per se
    I think that we’ve been at a friends with benefits situation for far too long
    We do genuinely love each other and there’s a great deal of trust but he has commitment issues. Very successful 47 never married and a known player but a very lovable guy of course.
    I confronted him one night this week after dinner out at his best friends house whom invited us both over
    When we left he was hoping I would go back home with him and I wouldn’t
    I went out with him A couple of times and would not go home and have sex with him
    I told him this time in a manner that was not berating at all but even rather playful that although I know we have a lot of love and respect for each other I can’t help but feel that he doesn’t enjoy my company because he doesn’t try to spend more time with me
    like take me away on weekends etc.
    and that I see no reason to have sex with someone that doesn’t enjoy my company
    he said that because we have been together for so long it’s different with me because the expectations are different
    Ok… whose expectations?!
    “Everyone’s” which is just him projecting the expectations I suppose he would have or he assumes I have, which I don’t and I made clear
    the following day we had lunch planned which turned into drinks and turned into sex and now I reverted back to no contact with the hopes of confusing him and making him a little insecure
    I broke the no contact slightly during a weak moment over the weekend :-/ damn…
    He had wished me a happy Thanksgiving on Wednesday and I never replied
    he also said “it was good to see you” to which I did not reply
    and so in my weak moment over the weekend (which I was battling through) I finally wrote back on Saturday and said “it was good seeing you too”
    which I think was cold and possibly not destructive to ‘no contact’ plan
    Sooooo I think my big question is
    does no contact after sex work in the recovery process?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 14, 2020 at 8:50 pm

      Hi Mira, so yes it can work – but you have to be strict with it and make sure that you do not fall back into that friends with benefits pattern again. Do not have sex, unless you are officially in a relationship

  4. Sara

    November 18, 2020 at 12:49 pm

    Hi! My ex broke up with me in june, so it has been over 6 months now. He chased me and always told me that he loves me. Yesterday we met and did some sexual things but we did not have sex. But I feel used and feel like now he dosent have respect for me and will end up not wanting me. What should I do. I called him the next morning and said that i regreted everything that happened.

  5. niki cho

    November 8, 2020 at 4:19 pm

    Me and my ex broke up because he was not ready and couldn’t give me what he wanted. he chased me to contact him after we broke up. eventually we realised we needed each other but that he was suffering an inner battle and I wanted to be with him. this pushed him away again. we decided to be friends and he said he would want to see what happens with us as time goes on. we met up recently and ended up sleeping together multiple times.he also said i was his best friend and that someties we please each other? he did not push me away nor go awol. i don’t know what this means. he also called me the next day to check up on me

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2020 at 6:23 pm

      Hi Niki, so you are falling into a situation where you are going to be friends with benefits, and get your feelings hurt. You either pull back and follow the program starting with a no contact, or understand that this is not going to lead to a relationship if you continue to sleep with him

  6. Vanlease

    October 29, 2020 at 1:09 am

    My ex kept coming back and we having sex 2 twice a week but after sex he want leave he stay all night and we cuddle all night …

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 29, 2020 at 8:08 pm

      Stop sleeping with your ex, he knows he can get sex from you without commitment.

  7. Talia

    October 20, 2020 at 8:27 pm

    I broke up with my ex 8 months ago (i dumped him) but i regret it. We went out a few times in the last 3 months and had sex most of those times, he has become distant for the last month, I want to tell him that our “arrangement” will no longer include having sex, but I have no clue about how to do it because I want to be in a serious relationship with him , and want to find a way to stop having sex with him without telling with it’s because i want a seious relationship

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 20, 2020 at 9:26 pm

      Hi Talia, so you avoid going to places where you can end up having sex – you start dating him. No sex until you feel that you are at a point to have a conversation about a relationship

  8. Tina

    October 19, 2020 at 3:10 pm

    Hi Guys,

    I’ve read every one of your articles and followed them religiously. It’s amazing literally everything you’ve written is exactly what happens!

    My “ex” and I never really broke up but after commenting on here about the circumstances (suspected cheating / hot cold behaviour) your team recommended I do a full NC, then go through the texting phase.

    After one month NC / holy trinity, 3 months of texting, and one week of phone calls we finally had our first date. It was amazing. Just like when we were in the honeymoon phase and he was so thrilled to see me and so sweet and interested, nostalgic and affectionate.

    I wasn’t expecting such a positive reaction from him as in my mind we were over and never spoke about what happened.

    The date went so well, he invited me to come to his place. I did. We had sex. I spent the night. He was lovely and sweet and affectionate. I left after breakfast. Then spent the entire day worrying. He texted me that afternoon to thank me for the date. I replied but he hasn’t written since. (It’s only been one day but think it’s strange he hasn’t said good morning or replied to my last text).

    I just want to know how I should proceed. Should I wait to hear from him?
    He mentioned going on a trip together this week with a mutual friend. Is it ok if I do?

    Thanks again.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 25, 2020 at 9:44 am

      Hey Tina, I know you have said you read all the articles on the site, but re read this one https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-an-ex-boyfriend-back-if-you-slept-with-him/

      You need to stick with a short NC since you read with him while you implement the information in this article

  9. MIA

    October 6, 2020 at 12:08 am

    After not so pretty break up I have tried no contact for weeks and he ended up contacting to see how I was, at that time I was still emotional and left dinner with him in a hurry. Weeks go by and he attempts to contact me few times. I kept response simple yet polite, no emotions involved.
    Now 3months later he came to mine to collect some of his belongings, we ended up sleeping together as he wanted just “sex”. I agreed. What confused me a little is that he spoke and treated me the exact same way that he used to when we were together, complimented how good I looked etc… and said that he should introduce himself to my roommate as he would be around.
    I am probably reading too much into it but I did not feel that he was just after sex. But I kept it very flat and told him that it was good seeing him and send him off to go home. I didn’t want to show emotional side of me so I kept on smiling like it didn’t matter.

    I have no clue what I am supposed to be doing or saying.
    I am not understanding it at all nor know what to do or say.

  10. Giani

    October 5, 2020 at 1:17 pm

    Hi, my ex broke up with me 2 months ago. I immediately started following the no contact rule. After the no contact, I contacted him and engaged him in conversation, we started to talk almost every day (sometimes initiated by me, and less times initiated by him by replying my Instagram stories). 2 weeks ago we met for the first time after the breakup and the date went amazingly fine! No physical contact or anything like that. Last week we decided to meet up again tomorrow, but yesterday the texting escalated a little bit too much until it became sexting and we ended up in a hotel for 12 hours having the best sex of our lives.
    Of course this morning (after morning sex) he told me that there was no point in going to the second date tomorrow so he canceled the reservation at the restaurant. He also told me he was feeling bad because he didn’t want to give me any hope because he doesn’t think he wants to be my boyfriend again (I didn’t bring the topic in the conversation, he was the one who did it). After we left the hotel I came back home and he started to text me saying that the night was amazing and that I am really a complete new woman (he realized that I changed during the no contact) and he asked me what did I see in him, because I could literally get any guy. I just answered that he was a nice guy (I didn’t want to go deep, I was trying to keep the conversation light), however, few texts after, he stopped answering.

    I don’t understand him and I really need to know what to do.
    Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 22, 2020 at 8:37 pm

      Hi Giani, I am so sorry this happened but I think your ex was just looking for what he got – a hook up. He has said all the right things to get you into bed, once he had what he wanted he pulled back. This is why we say not to sleep with an ex if you want them in a relationship. You would need to restart the program if you wanted to get him invested in you, starting with a short NC again where you do not reach out to him for 21 days minimum, and make sure that you do not sleep with him again.

  11. Joan murimi

    September 6, 2020 at 7:11 am

    Hi, I have been seeing this program online. My husband and I have been separated for a year after 2yrs of marriage. It was bad at first but at the moment he’s talking, picking calls etc. He even offered to support our 1yr old child. According to him his bitterness is gone.
    2days ago I contacted him and he came over and we spent 4hrs together, something we haven’t done since the break up. We ended up sleeping together. I asked if he’ll be coming to visit us often but u still doubt he will come. You can’t force him into anything.
    After sex I saw how he looked at him , something he hasn’t ever done before. It was even a first introducing me as a mum to his daughter after the break up.
    I try the no contact rule and he makes me do something to talk to him before 30days are over. I want him back obviously but I want to know what he’s thinking and what I am supposed to do or not do

  12. Lisa

    September 1, 2020 at 12:41 pm

    so me and my ex slept together. He’s been trying to talk to me for a few weeks I’ve told him sec is off the table. He respected that. Then a few days later he confessed his feelings to me and said he eventually want to go back out with me and would I be open to it. I said yes he said he didn’t mind if I’m not interested in having sex with him. We have had a lot of ups and downs so we agreed to bond first however I had sex with him it was a in the moment thing. I’m not sure what to do but I feel him moving a bit more distant

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 6, 2020 at 11:21 am

      Hi Lisa, it is not uncommon that an ex moves distant after they get sex from you. They now realise that sex is possible without a relationship. Its almost like the chase is over for the time being. Pull back and let him come to you

  13. Brandi

    August 25, 2020 at 12:50 pm

    I broke up with my ex 2 months ago. I did the NC for 30 days and that entire period he kept calling and asking to talk but I ignored him. I finally picked up his call after the NC period and he was begging for us to be together again. we started talking/calling everyday again for 2 weeks but I told him i needed to see his actions first before deciding if I wanted to get back together. We finally decided to meet up and talked about not having sex with our meet up. He took me to dinner but we got drunk and we slept together. We hung out again the next day but then he started to act cold. I did ask him if he wanted to be in a relationship or not bc he was acting really weird and said he needed time to think. I got upset and told him I needed space from him and needed to rethink everything. I left his place and he has texted me 3 days in a row just saying “hey“ since I asked him that but I have ignored him. But I gave in a few days ago and responded to him and we had a short conversation and now he hasn’t texted me again. What should I do now? Do I have to do NC again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 6, 2020 at 10:07 am

      Hi Brandi, yes ideally you would need to do NC again as he managed to get sex from you without a relationship – now he is going to think this is possible again in the future. You need to NC again and stick with it for at least 30 days and then follow the program correctly without meeting up and having sex. Make sure that you do not put yourself in that position again – public meet ups rather than going back to your place/his place etc

  14. Karma

    August 20, 2020 at 1:19 am


    Me and my ex recently have started having sex when he comes to visit our children. We have been broken up for 2 years and he also got out of a new relationship a month ago which he was with her for two years. Our breakup wasn’t the best- he switched from being sweet and all about me to a complete asshole, never could get him to come to my house and see the kids. But now he wants to come to see the kids and we have been intimiate. When I asked him why didn’t he just have sex with his previous girlfriend, he told me,” they’re not together and if they’re not together he doesn’t want to be intimate with her” and they broke up because she thinks we’re still sleeping with each other.. which I didn’t understand either because he wants to be intimate with me, says he doesn’t want to have sex with a random female. Confused as to what he wants, I love him and would love our family back but not sure what’s going on in his head. What should I do? Don’t want to seem weak and easy but I also want him to want me at the same time.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 27, 2020 at 1:37 pm

      You need to stop having sex with him, if you want him back as in a relationship then you need to start following the program. I suggest that you explain to him you are not willing to be friends with benefits

  15. Emma

    August 10, 2020 at 7:24 am

    Hi Shaunna,

    In reply to your last comment – I tried no contact for 3 weeks, which is when my ex messaged me and we ended up sleeping together. Do I go back to the no contact? I feel like he only messaged me when he needs some sort of reassurance or comfort. How do I break that and make him want to get back together?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 11, 2020 at 6:33 pm

      Hey Emma, yes go back into a 30 day No Contact. That is why he is reaching out comfort that you are still an option to him. You need to show him that this is not the case. You want to get back with him, but you need him to think that you do not want him anymore. Read some articles about no contact, and how it works. And also about the holy trinity, being ungettable and how to text an ex after a NC. There is plenty of free information in these articels, videos and website to help you through it all.

  16. Dolly

    August 9, 2020 at 9:09 am

    Hi,.my bf broke up with me 2 month ago and I go for no contact, someday later we text sometimes and phone sex but oneday I told him that I want a relationship not just this way n he got angry and block me from WhatsApp so during that time I didn’t reach him out at all and after one week he unblock me n ask me for phone sex again but I refuse him so he got angry and block me again. what to do in order to get him back I really love him n want to work out together

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 9, 2020 at 10:02 am

      Hey Dolly you need to follow a No Contact (for a solid 30 days) do not break this until 30 days are up. 100% do not give him any phone sex, or any intimacy at all while you are broken up!

  17. Emma

    August 8, 2020 at 5:02 pm

    Me and my Ex had a messy break up about a month ago, didnt speak for a few weeks and then ended up spending more or less two days together, resulting in us having sex. He’s dealing with a lot of mental health issues at the moment, but other than a few texts after he left and another short conversation, we haven’t really spoken since. I want us to get back together and I’m avoiding messaging him at all costs, but I don’t know what to do next?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 8, 2020 at 10:58 pm

      Hey Emma you need to start following the program, first step is No Contact and reading some articles so that you understand how the program works and how to improve your situation

  18. Charley

    August 6, 2020 at 6:33 pm

    Me and my boyfriend split up over 3 weeks ago, at first it seemed like he hated me. We didn’t really talk. Then we spoke and said he needs to focus on himself and his health, but since then we’ve spoke a bit more he came round to talk and we did have a kiss and cuddle. Then he had an outburst and seemed to get angry again. We’ve spoken more I’m trying to fix the issues and get him back. Then today after a few more heart to hearts and me telling how much I missed the intimacy and love he came round and we slept together.. he seemed to enjoy it. How do I play this and how do I win him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 8, 2020 at 11:19 pm

      Hey Charley, as you are not together and you slept together. You now need to go into a No Contact so that you do not chase him as he is going to be expecting you to blow up his phone in a couple of days. You need to be strong and show him you are not desperate and you are not going to chase him. Read and work through the Ungettable articles and apply this to yourself.

  19. Marie

    August 6, 2020 at 12:19 pm

    Hi I just broke up with my ex for 6 years a month ago and the first 3 weeks I’ve been begging and pleading for him to come back and all he does is push me away. We lived together and he left a month ago as well. He tells me he’s not ready to see me or want a relationship and tells me over and over again we’re done. So about a week ago I stopped texting him and decided to do the no contact rule. But after just a few days not texting him at all obviously he doesn’t text me first he came at my house and we ended up having sex. He told me before he left he didn’t mean it to happen. But I acted like it wasn’t a big deal and I didn’t care. After a few minutes when he left he texted me saying I’m sorry I didn’t want to do that I don’t know what happened to me and I’ll not do that again. I didn’t reply to him and don’t know what to do. What does he mean and what should I do next?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 8, 2020 at 11:28 pm

      Hey Marie, you need to go into a 30 day NC and just spend some time not speaking to your ex. Letting him think that you really are not bothered that you slept together and that you are moving on with your life.

  20. val

    August 1, 2020 at 11:09 pm

    I slept with my ex boyfriend from 8 years ago.
    it was great and we did talk about the old times, good and bad.
    We both enjoyed and he even asked me stay over night so I did.
    He made me breakfast the next morning and we talked about how it was a little weird.
    I was straight up and asked if he was interested in dating me. He said it was the wrong time for him since he is in 3 bands as a guitar player and is very active in them.
    he also said, hes not saying NO but he cant make me any promises right now..I did tell him the ball is in his court.
    so, now i am not contacting him at all and letting him come to me. am i doing the right thing? i dont want a friends with benefits thing and he knows that. i want a real relationship. should i just let it be and and wait on him to come to me? what if he does come to me but only wants sex again, i can be strong and say NO!
    what do you suggest?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 6, 2020 at 12:05 am

      Hey Val so you are doing the right thing letting him get in touch with you first and also not chasing him after spending the night with him is going to make him wonder why you are not calling him up to see you again. If and when he does reach out to you, you need to be calm and in control of your impulses, give him certain times where you are available and he then needs to fit into your schedule.

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