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187 thoughts on “What To Do If You Had Sex With Your Ex?”

  1. Christina

    August 25, 2018 at 3:09 pm

    Me and my boyfriend were together for 3 years. I broke things off because he was cheating on me with his coworker. It was a messy breakup but we never had no contact. From the day I ended things we were still talking texting. He told me he didn’t love me anymore and all these things. Then he came back to me and wanted to work things out. We slept together more than once. Then I found out that this girl he cheated on me with that he claimed was not a problem anymore was still around. He would still communicate with me while they were dating. A few days ago on her birthday I found out that they were official it broke my heart really bad because he jumped into a relationship so quickly. The night of her birthday me and my ex saw each other and we had sex. Played it off like it didn’t mean anything to me. After we had sex we talked and he said we shouldn’t talk anymore , this won’t happen again and I said okay. He then said well if you want we can still talk and check up on each other or something. The whole time he was calling me babe and making out with me and I was surprised that even happened because he had told me he didnt want anything to do with me anymore because he was in this relationship. He wrote me the next day and said I still don’t have feelings for you and I said okay. As crazy as it sounds I do want my ex back and I wrote him yesterday asking him if he wanted to hang out. I didn’t get anything back. Found out he’s in Vegas with his new gf. So here I am back to being heartbroken because I thought I was strong enough to just have sex with him and it didn’t mean anything. It made me want him even more.

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 26, 2018 at 1:36 am

      Hi Christina!

      Very sorry your ex was so foolish to cheat on you after 3 years. I think a good course of no contact is the best approach going forward. Time will tell just how things shake out with this other girl. Use my program to optimize your chances as there are some things you can do to reinforce your value and drive him a little crazy wishing he had treated you differently.

  2. Vissani

    April 29, 2018 at 9:47 am

    Hi Chris, thanks for your response. Was watching a lot of your videos and I just purchased the book and I’m excited to start the Facebook support group as well. While I’ve only started the book, I’m wondering how long of NC I should go through originally I was going to do 30 days but feel like 21 might be enough? I’m afraid that if I keep out of contact too long, my ex will continue to bond with the other girl without my being there since our break up was more like 8 mo. ago now that I think about it. And is it necessary for me to go through each phase of texting, phone call progression etc. if I know that he will meet me in person if I just contact him?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 29, 2018 at 8:59 pm

      Hi Visanni…you going to love the Private Facebook Support Group! Great question about NC. That whole process is fascinating. I even wrote a huge book about it (The No Contact Rule Book). NC is highly adaptable to each person’s situation. Based on what you have told me, I think a briefer NC period would be in order. (17-21 days). I would follow the phases…starting with texting. You can use these phases strategically such that re-attraction it built up slowly.

      Remember, in matters like this….less is more. You want to leave him little breadcrumbs that slowly lead to a wonderful “You”.

  3. Vissani

    April 28, 2018 at 8:54 am

    I was with my bf for 10+ years. He broke up with me 6 months ago saying the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. I found out later he wanted to pursue someone else who is also in a relationship because he had a feeling he had a chance and needed to try. He just hit a major birthday milestone, and so I feel like he’s going through a phase. I believe he’s slowly starting to see that the other girl is not as serious about him as he is her. During the entire breakup time, I’ve kept in contact and we’ve regularly started having sex which I initiated first because we were both single. It helped me through the hardest part of the breakup in the beginning. The relationship has turned into a benefits one, which I don’t want. I still have feelings for him, I’ve started working on myself and feel much better than I did initially. Started going to the the gym, shopping, make over, spending more time with friends. Last time he came over, I denied sex and pushed him away. This was the last time we saw each other before I started to initiate NC for the first time. It’s been 2 weeks with successful NC. Before I have never gone speaking to him for more than 3 days. I’m not sure if I still have any chance to get back together with him and if I should continue NC or what to do after NC. If I call or text him, I know he will not ignore me. Any advice?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 28, 2018 at 11:41 pm

      Hi Vissani. You are on the right track with NC. The best way to optimize your chances and get up to speak on how to manage the post breakup process is to have a plan. So consider my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro. It is a comprehensive Companion Guide on all things breakups and will help you with how to reopen communications after the NC period and much, much more. Just go to my website Menu/Products link to learn more. Given the two of you have a lot of history, I think your chances are much better than average. Let me know how things go for you!

  4. Concettia Nall

    April 12, 2018 at 2:00 am

    I have a long story. But you are right he wants to turn every conversation…almost,into a fantasy.
    Thing is he is supposed to be engaged. But I must say we were engaged when he dumped me for her.
    I have wasted 15 now 17 years of my life.
    Should I do a 21 day no contact?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 12, 2018 at 3:05 am

      Hi there! If he is engaged, i would put him way on the back burner.

  5. Renee

    April 7, 2018 at 9:31 pm

    I dated my ex for just over 3 years. My ex boyfriend began texting me after 30 days of NC. Asking lots of stupid questions just to be in contact. He asked if he could stop over to do something around my place. I said yes but we ended up sleeping together instead. Feelings resurfaced. There was no contact for several days. Each day I started to feel used and upset with myself for losing self control. He’s been pretty distant since. Is there anyway to recover from this and get him back?

    1. Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 10:25 pm

      Hi Renee, I understand how you feel used and upset for falling into that trap. It’s a common mistake and you can repair that.

      If he doesn’t reach out for a week restart a no contact for 21 days and work on regaining your self esteem. If he reaches out within a week don’t act angry. Read Chris’ post on being the ungettable girl and follow that.

      When you rebuild the relationship after no contact, assuming he doesn’t contact you start over as if the mistake didn’t happen. Rebuild attraction slowly. Does that help answer your question? Sorry your feeling bad just realize this feeling is temporary. xx

    2. Renee

      April 7, 2018 at 11:38 pm


      Thank you so much for the quick response. You answered my question. Today is the one week mark since we last spoke. I’ll take your advice both with no contact for 21 days as well as reading the ungettable girl post. I was getting to that place where I was feeling good and working on myself. I already went through a divorce and I learned from mistakes as well as wrong done to me. I believe in being patient and working on things. I also know no one can put me through the amount of hurt I went through with going through the divorce. Thanks again Jennifer!

    3. Jennifer Seiter

      April 8, 2018 at 2:20 am

      Glad my response was helpful! Divorces are tough lessons but I think most people change the negative behaviors about themselves after a divorce because it’s such a life altering experience.

      I think your going to do great after your no contact. <3

  6. Joanna

    April 6, 2018 at 10:39 pm

    My ex has a girlfriend we were engaged for 4 years been split up 6 months but he’s been texting me all the time and since end January saying he’s not happy and then in March they split kept asking me round then finally 3 weeks ago I went there had sex the very next day his girlfriend was back !!! So I message her and told her everything now I haven’t heard a word from him Day 9 NC ?????

    1. Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 1:59 am

      Okay, are you sure they actually split up or were they taking a break? He’s probably upset that you told the OW and she seems to be okay with what happened OR he told her your lying. Stick to the NC for 21 days then use the being there.

  7. Confused

    April 5, 2018 at 2:33 am

    Hi, I had sex with an ex and became completely obsessed and clingy due to my insecurity. I basically laid it all out to him and begged him to take me back, but he said he doesn’t see me as a girlfriend. Is there anyway to recover from this and get him back?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 5, 2018 at 11:48 pm

      I don’t think it’s insecure to feel attached after sex… I think it’s kinda normal.

      I feel the approach you took to get a commitment was a little wrong but nothing I haven’t seen before.

      Best thing for you to do is simply try a shorter NC like 21 days to start with.

  8. Sarah

    March 28, 2018 at 10:41 pm

    I have the weirdest ex ever !! He was treated me as a friend but badly and sometimes as a girlfriend then when I used the n.c he blocked me everywhere..
    after months he came back and want to have just sex after we did it he left again because he didn’t feel safe with me
    then he came back again talking and apologizing.. telling me to moving on and to be with my new boyfriend and we will be just friends and we became friends again ..
    then he hacked my account and he read all my chat which I was cursing him at it with my friend and he was sad and angry .. I apologized a lot then he told me that he wanted to have sex with me !! After we did it he asked me to move on with my new boyfriend and told me that he will never marry me and he doesn’t love me anymore, and he don’t know why he is still talking to me .. I told him that’s unfair for my boyfriend and I should break up with him anyway.. he asked me to be with him because he is a good man and etc..
    And we became a friends for a while and then he asked to see me and we had sex after it he told me that he should go away to help me to move on and asked me not to send him anything for a while and maybe after a while we can be friends again but I think he is still logging into my account.. I don’t want to continue with my boyfriend now because what I did and I wanna him back.. I cannot understand him .. what should I do??

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:50 am

      I know a lot of women that might disagree with you on the weirdest ex comment but you got me intrigued.

      I think ultimately what happened here is that when he didn’t have you he remember all the times he did and got a bit… “horny.”

    2. Sarah

      April 4, 2018 at 3:24 am

      Chris, so What should I do? How can I get him back? Should I stop having sex with him?

    3. Chris Seiter

      April 5, 2018 at 10:48 pm

      Yes should definitely stop having sex with him. Did you read the article above?

      It’s all about STOPPING and how to do it with the best results.

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