Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
How To Know If An Avoidant Is Using You
Signs An Avoidant Will Come Back After Losing You
Why Avoidants Don’t Want Relationships
Do Avoidants Fight For A Relationship?
An Avoidant Will Feel Instant Regret If You Do This
Signs An Avoidant Is Hiding Deep Feelings For You
Why Avoidants Say Things That Don’t Make Sense
The Weird Things Avoidants Do When They Like You
What Happens To An Avoidant During No Contact?
How A Secure Handles An Avoidant Pulling Away
Post categories
Stephy
May 6, 2016 at 12:04 am
What should one do if their ex who broke up with them tells them they don’t want them to reach out? My ex told me that he has to be the one to reach out to me when he broke up with me. I’m three weeks in and staying strong, have really worked on myself and grown a lot as a person because I finally addressed the things that were bothering me that turned into insecurities… but I know he won’t be reaching out to me because he told me “I have to want to.” Also, I just found out that he dove into seeing someone a week/week and a half after we broke up so it makes this situation harder. I know he’s hurt right now but he’s also playing the victim putting the blame on me. I just don’t know what to do. Any thoughts?
Stephy
May 10, 2016 at 6:36 pm
That may very well be it.
The latest development here is that I went to the apartment where we used to live together to grab the rest of my things and he got so upset I didn’t tell him I would be there (even though he wasn’t there in the first place) that he has blocked me on FB and IG because he “doesn’t know what to expect” and that it was easier for him to just cut me off. I went when I knew he wouldn’t be there out of respect and I also have rent paid until the end of the month so I don’t know why he would go to this extreme. He called me to tell me I took one of his pans and I said I’d look for it to return it to him thinking that was the extent of it but then he continued on to tell me how much better his life is now without me in it–family, friends, work–and that I keep showing him how selfish I am by not giving him a heads up about things like grabbing my things. He was being cruel and I tried to keep my calm in saying that we clearly have too much emotion going on but it’s not right that he’s painting our relationship as such a dark time in his life when he and I both know that’s not true. But he just responded in that of course I think that way because I look at things fondly but that it’s not the reality. In the end of the conversation, he said “this was not a great conversation at all but I do miss this.. talking with you.” And I thought things were ok by the end of the conversation but it certainly doesn’t feel that way. Any insight here?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 12:20 am
I think what you said helped him realize he is being very emotional, so he kind of calmed a little too..
Stephy
May 9, 2016 at 10:10 pm
It wasn’t a fight that broke us up and I wish it was because maybe this would be easier. Actually, I just found out that he cheated on me with a former flame/rebound who had been reaching out to him the entire time we were dating. This makes sense given his day turned to night behavior and why he broke up with me so suddenly. So now I’m just not sure what to do; whether he is just seeking emotional comfort from her because she offers him what he felt was lacking with us or what.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 10, 2016 at 4:29 am
or he sees her as a grass is greener case..
read this post for your situation..
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 8, 2016 at 8:57 am
Hi Stephy,
did you have a fight before you broke up? Was the girl present even before you break up and were you posting your recent activities..I mean did it seem like you’re moving on?
Lexi
May 5, 2016 at 3:21 pm
Hey,
I actually have a pretty unique problem that I could not find answers to on this website. My boyfriend and I had a great relationship, but when his father became sick he had to move interstate to live with him and look after him. He asked me to do long distance until I was able to move to be with him in half a year. I agreed and at times it was really difficult but we were both committed to making it work (we spoke on the phone every day, we would plan trips to see each other etc.). Due to our work schedules, sometimes we weren’t able to see each other for almost 2 months at a time and during my visits to see him for a few days, I felt as though we weren’t spending much of that time together because he had to focus all his energy and attention on his dad. Eventually the frustration got to me as I was beginning to feel like the only one invested in the relationship and I started questioning if it would work (especially because I wanted to travel with him and given his dad’s situation he felt as though he couldn’t. He wouldn’t consider finding another solution for his dad so he wasn’t completely responsible as he said he wanted to and said he could be doing this for a year or more). He broke up with me after 4 months of long distance and his reason was that he felt like he couldn’t be a good boyfriend given the situation with his dad. He said he has an obligation to take care of him and just doesn’t have the time to think about anyone else right now. I can completely understand this, as I asked before we did long distance if he felt he had time for a girlfriend (even though he assured me that he did). He told me that I was the best girlfriend he has ever had and that he just doesn’t know what he wants and what he’s doing with his life anymore and that he needs to focus on himself and looking after his dad. We still talk occasionally and he tells me he still loves me and misses me but still just isn’t in the position to be in a relationship. I miss him so much and I guess I want to know if there is anything I can do to change his mind? I don’t think no contact will work in this situation…
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 8, 2016 at 5:08 am
Hi Lexi,
his dad is his priority right now.. so the only chance I can see is you do nc.. start over as friends rebuild rapport but be supportive of taking care of his dad.. like bonding in the house watching movies.. going out to the park and taking his dad and other family members if there are close by..
Lara
May 4, 2016 at 6:27 pm
Hey,
The 30 days are al,out over, he didn’t contact me, though he promised me to be able to speak in a normal way to me, if I would wanted to.
Now I would like to get my money and give him his stuff back, also I would like to show him how good I’m feeling.
Do you have any advice, what I could say?
I would like to massage him, though I’m scared he won’t answer.
I do know though, that he’ll ansear my call.
Please help?
Lara
May 9, 2016 at 5:47 pm
Hey amor,
Thanks for all the replies.
Decided that I’ll ask him if he might has seen my workpants.
And if he’ll answers that I’d like to meet up. We have to talk about a lot of organizational things anyways.
Do you know if there is any study’s or scientifically articles I could read about this whole topic?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 10, 2016 at 3:49 am
you can check this posts out.
The Rules For Going On A Date With Your Ex Boyfriend
EBR 043: How To Handle The First Date With Your Ex Boyfriend
What To Wear On A Date With Your Ex Boyfriend (Video)
I know it’s not a date but you can use some of the tactics to do the right things when you meet up
Lara
May 9, 2016 at 7:38 am
Hey amor,
No we hardly ever see each other. he said we could talk and meet up, when I said after the break up no I don’t want to meet u now, he was surprised, so I guess I could just tell him, that i would like to meet up, maybe?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 9, 2016 at 4:49 pm
right ahead without building rapport first? that depends on why you would meet up.. but it’s still better if you hold that off until there’s enough rapport and attraction because other wise, you would only be talking about the relationship and if you’re not emotionally stable and if he sees you want him back, you will become the chaser in his eyes.
Lara
May 8, 2016 at 7:31 am
No haven’t contacted him yet.
I’d like to write him, that he should call me.
Since we also work together, that shouldn’t be no problem.
Of course I don’t want to ask wright away.
I just totally dint know what to do.
I mean how do I start?
Write or say hey how are you doing, I’d like to meet up?
What would be ok?
Thank you a lot amor.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 9, 2016 at 2:47 am
if you work together, then you see each other right? start with just a good morning if you pass by each other or a short smile.. and then when you start texting, start with a different topic to build rapport first.. anything current in the office that you both can relate and he likes to talk about?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 8, 2016 at 2:14 am
Hi Lara,
don’t call him yet.. it’s better if you start with texting first. have you texted him? it’s better if you don’t start asking for your money right ahead too.
Amy
May 3, 2016 at 11:20 pm
Hi, so my boyfriend broke up with me three months ago. After a month of doing all the no-nos (pleading, beggind, bargaining, harassing, stalking …) I found this website and started no contact for a month and a half (I still wasn’t ready after 30 days). During that period I really worked on improving myself (not for him, really for myself) : sports, friends, family … and now I feel amazing, really. I have gained a lot of self esteem and I’ve never looked so good (shopping, getting slim … and smiling all the time). I reached out to him 2 weeks ago, and he agreed to meet up. I was nervous but excited at the same time. The meet up went reaaaally well, he told me I looked amazing and very happy, and he was happy for me. I could sense he still cares about me eventhough he said things like “well that’s good for you, I mean it doesn’t really affect me but yeah, that’s cool” … So I texted him the next day a funny thing, no pressure … No reply. And I still haven’t heard from him. Does that mean that my progress isn’t enough to get him back (he broke up with me because I was being very negative and clingy -> that’s solved! But also because I cheated on him (repeatedly …) a year ago and he only found out this year)? Should I give him more time? The thing is that we go to the same university so ever since the break up we’ve been seeing each other every day (apart from week ends and holidays), even during NC, and in 2 days I won’t be seeing him anymore for 4 months. What should I do during that time? NC again? (We will necessarily see each other in september because class will start again …). Thank you for all the advice & articles, it has been really helpful in the healing process!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 4, 2016 at 12:59 pm
Hi Amy,
I don’t it’s about your improvements..it’s just that I think he doesn’t trust you anymore.. and he’s not ready to be friends now..time has to pass and you have to friends slowly again for him to take another chance because in that way, if you become friends again and he sees you’re not the same as before..then maybe, if he’s attracted, he will take another chance
Bilal
April 29, 2016 at 12:33 pm
Hey I have been going through the site quite often but my situation is a bit different .I liked this girl and we were in a realtionship. Her friends helped me to get in realtionship with he as she can’t make choices on her own but as we got in the realtionship her behavior towards others changed and so her friends wanted us separated or the mess sorted but she didn’t bother much about her friends in the beginning but when I talked her into getting back with her friends they played their cards and broke us up.When I tried to contact as a friend she said she was happy without me but the truth be told she always pretends to be happy infront of everyone so that no one feels sad or is hurt by her.I tried the NC rule then but she didn’t respond so I made the move yet she is ignoring me.She always thought that her friends didn’t like me so she often told them different stuff and me different thing.And then her friends directly asked her go either choose between them or me .She said she chose them as she doesn’t have a choice and she hated me.We both being from different religion was the main thing here and that’s the card her friends played.Now even after NC I reach out she is shutting herself off and doesn’t even want to be friends.
Bilal
June 19, 2016 at 9:01 am
I tried talking with her but she doesn’t want to talk and when she talked her friends didn’t let her so I tried talking with her friends but they don’t wanna listen to me and they both have made it very clear so what to do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 21, 2016 at 3:46 pm
that means you need to give her more time.. and to continue the activities you started during nc.
Bilal
May 9, 2016 at 2:07 pm
No you misunderstand …the problem according to her r her. friends too and that her parents won’t agree and that her behavior changes when she is with me and I might change and she thinks she doesn’t like me as much I do nd I deserve someone much better.Atm her friends are the ones holding her back from getting back with me as her friends have done a lot for her nd somehow her friends nd i don’t fit along (according to her) I meant that she won’t bother abt them if she goes against her friends nd chooses to be with me.she didn’t bother abt her friends views too bfr but I myself though that friends are also imp so I patched them up but they tricked her.Now they are talking with my friends and telling them that I’m an aweful person nd that I’m blackmailing her nd all nonsense nd they even do taunts .so idk how to talk to them and settle this cos when I ask them the problem is they ask me to guess nd its stuck as only way to solve this is by telling then the truth but they won’t be her friends anymore so idk how she will think of it as so …I’m stuck what should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 10, 2016 at 3:13 am
oh okay.. I understand it now…
actually the only way that can help is if you can talk to her personally and tell her the truth.. she doesn’t have good friends so, for me, you should be more worried that she’s friends with them, not that she will lose them.. but of course do it in a way that has the least effect of making you look bad.. be calm.. if she doesn’t listen.. give her time.. it’s not something she just believes in.. and then do nc.. maybe for 45 days.. make it seem like you’re moving on.. but don’t date other girls yet because the friends might use that against you..
Bilal
May 8, 2016 at 2:36 pm
Tbh I did try to talk to them sincerely but they don’t want to listen as she has told her friends all lies about me but if I clear it up with them then they won’t even be her friends anymore which I will feel bad that I broke them up then.And they wont help me unless they think she likes me too so that’s one more problem as she doesnt ever share her feelings with anyone but me.I have no clue how to deal with them .If she feels that she needs me and she brought us back then she won’t depend on others views.So what exactly am I supposed to do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 9, 2016 at 3:14 am
sorry Bilal, I didn’t get what you last said.. so, you really mean that her friends is not the problem but how she feels? because if she feels attracted to you she won’t depend on other’s opinions? If she, herself wants you back, she will not listen to them?
Bilal
May 6, 2016 at 11:59 am
Three months since the breakup and I have been active lately that’s true but it’s also that I can’t forget her.now i dont hold any grudge on her friends too for breaking us up.i tried meeting other people but just something felt off about that and her keen friends just told her IG that I already have a new gf .Few days back i heard she too was feeling bad about the breakup but she didn’t show it at all and only told her friends that who ofcourse told her that “one bad chapter doesn’t mean that your story has ended” after that I tried to reach out but she blocked me out.She is actually kinda stalking me on WhatsApp and puts up sad dp and status talking about hope and everything but she has also blocked me.Well I doubted that she moved on and had a new bf so I was talking about that with our mutual friends and then she stopped talking and hanging out with that best friend if hers few days later.And her friends still hate me a hell lot so idk if there is a chance if even getting back or anything.It feels as a sad true love story which doesn’t end and that’s depressing me daily
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 8, 2016 at 10:24 am
talk to her frienda sincerely, try to come from an understanding tone.. don’t fight with them.. if their opinion really matters, get their side.. but actually she’s old enough to make a decision of her own.. if you get back, would she let others decide for her relationships?
Bilal
May 2, 2016 at 7:57 am
It’s already been three months AMOR and how will I know that she is willing to be with me again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 3, 2016 at 12:53 pm
three months since the break up? or three months since you last reached out? And the most important thing is, were you active in improving yourself, going out, doing new activities, meeting new people, had a make over during nc?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 11:03 am
Hi Bilal,
if religion was really the issue, they shouldn’t have helped in the first place.. give it time for now.. but honestly if she’s that indecisive and too relying on her friends, it would be really hard.. but still, now is not the best time to try to get her back.. you have to let time pass.. and while that time passes, improve yourself and focus on yourself.. maybe it can take 3 or 6 months for everything to cool off and for her to be willing to be friends with you again.
Imana
April 23, 2016 at 2:50 pm
Hi Chris,
I would like to ask Chris this question as its to do with what he’s wrote on this page, the reasons you state as to why he doesn’t contact during no contact are they the reasons it has to be or can another reason be he just doesn’t actually want to speak to you ever again?
My boyfriend broke up with me and said he doesn’t wish for it to work he says I stress him out whenever I speak to him he then said he needs not days but weeks with no contact off me to see if he misses me?
What should I do?
Ava
April 25, 2016 at 4:37 pm
Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 23, 2016 at 4:22 pm
Hi Imana,
I’ll forward this to him and then get back to you
Kiki
April 23, 2016 at 11:29 am
Hello! Hope I can get some insight directly to my current situation.
So we were lunch time buddies at our workplace until it developed into a good frienship for approximately 4 yrs…ffw to last January we switch was flicked and we started dating then bam we are in a relationship…one that felt so right and fun there was no foreseeing us being in this position right now. Some really negative events happened on his end last November that put a big strain on our relationship but we decided to work through it….ever since then though nothing had been the same…the level of communication between us has taken a dive…it got worst as the weeks goes by he’s become less and less expressive and I keep poinnting out to him how important communication is for a healthy partnership. He’d often listen tentively and agrees with me but soon after he’d slip right back into being silent and eventually distant. Long and short of it he told me that the series of events that took place took a toll on him and send him off to a deep end and he’s helplessly trying to find his way back…understandable but when even all those emotions takes him over i get shut out completely and it hurts cuz he doesn’t want my comfort much less being around me during those time which begs me to question him about “what purpose do I serve you?” He would then serve me up with hot and colds which is terribly confusing…”Babe I love you so much, I don’t ever want to lose this, I’m scared you’re gonna give up on me, you’re a gem, you’re as real as they comes” all that plus our high electrified connection whenever we are in each others grace. Then few days later he’ll crawl back in his dark hole..sigh. It becomes very frustrating for me cuz I begin to feel like I’m chasing him and I am tired. Now let me get right into how we are not communicating intimately none at all now… We are officially 2 weeks into NC…I asked him to hand with me 2 Fridays ago and he made some excuses about not being up to it and I then walked out on me to go chill with his peeps or so he says. I pointed out how much he has chosen people over me and he argued that I shouldn’t put it like that cuz it’s not so…yet he walked away and do it anyways. After that event he hadn’t spoken to me all weekend and I did the same. And that no contact has been going on ever since. There is a twist though…I stopped communicating just to see if he really cares while in this process hoping I’ll get the strength to move on if he doesn’t. It’s not really about wanting him back (especially if he’s not changed) but a part of me hopes he’ll realize that he’s about to lose me and do something about it. See he’s proven to be one of those proud men you’ve mentioned and the other part of me is telling me that he won’t reach out even if he’s dying to…I’m proud too but I’ve put that aside lots of times to plead to him that I’m trying real hard to makes us work cuz I love him dearly and what we had was real…for me at least. Another twist…(reminder…we work at the same place so we see each other everyday) I have a daughter to whom he’s created such a bond with. He loves her like his own and she calls him her dad…:( Though we are not commnicating he still make his point of duty to pick her up from school for me. He would make little small talks with me at the office but nothing personal…pays me a small compliment and the regular cordial interactions that make me think he maybe wants to “friendzone” me…like getting back to where we were before intimacy. We made little interactions during lunch time cuz he does come and eat at the same table with me despite our awkward noncommunication. He’s hard to read bcuz most of the times he seems unbothered about us not being together. What advise can you give to me based on this? I apologize for how lengthy this is but I just want you to understand my case. Can you sense any hope for us? If he comes back good then I will take him back but I don’t think I will reach out to him if he doesn’t after this NC period. Help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 23, 2016 at 4:13 pm
Hi Kiki,
he still picks up your daughter upto now? you have to decide after nc, give yourself a time limit or day limit until when you would wait because if you don’t want to intiate and if he doesn’t initiate, then he has to stop picking your daughter up and start to move on.. because for now, if you already talked to him about being there to listen, improved yourself and gave him space, then you already did your best..
Ihsaan
April 20, 2016 at 8:20 pm
Hi.
So I broke up recently with my gf(i know that most of the users here are female but im just looking for help) and i really couldnt deal with it. A few days later i found out she had met someone else and they started dating but it was literally just starting out. She told me she doesn’t know whats going to happen so she cant be sure that she’ll come back, this is where i need the help.
So i decided as of last week that i’m going to try this “No-Contact rule”. I sent her one last message and that was to say that i’m not gonna be contacting her NOR anyone and she said alright. I was put into a whatsapp group(in which she was in) and i immediately left because i dont neccesarily like whatsapp groups, and next thing i know 30 min later she texts me asking if im okay and that she was just wondering if i was okay because i left the group.
Now…
I want to know
Do I start no-contact again(i only sent a msg saying that i left “because im busy with work”) for at least 30 days or what do I do? I want to start no contact as she is the woman im willing to sacrifice months and my efforts to be with. I literally lay in bed at night and think about her and think about how much i love her and its unbelievable(the level of love i have for her)
SO
Do i start no-contact again(which is what i want to do)…or?
Thanks – Ihsaan
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 22, 2016 at 1:11 pm
Hi Ihsaan,
yes, restart the count after that reply and be active in improving yourself during nc okay?
Sherry
April 17, 2016 at 6:13 pm
I had only been with my boyfriend for 3 months but I was absolutely in love with him ever since i met him 6 months before we started dating. It is a fact that I am a lot better looking than him. Every single friend of his and of mine knows it and would make comments to him and to me about it. But for some reason I just couldn’t help it, I was smitten! He was very to himself yet intriguing and not like the other guys these days and super smart so i was hooked! He works at the university i attend and i made friends with all his friends so i will probably run into him a few times. He dumped me about 2 weeks ago. And for 4 days in the beginning i kept trying to tell him that I want to make it work and that you can’t just let go of someone who loves you so much. He would just tell me that he’s not ready to give time to someone else and he wants to be selfish and he just wants to be alone. And that didnt make sense to me because he hadn’t had a girlfriend for 2 years already, and because i would barely hear from him when we were together so its not like i expected that much out of him. I never asked him to tell me where he was at or anything. I knew he was like this so i tried to give him space. On the 4th day that I kept trying i told him that i’ll let him be exactly the way he wants to be. I dont expect for him to contact me at all if he doesnt want to, as long as we still get to be together. He still rejected it saying he doesnt want me to give everything and him return nothing. I kept trying to make him understand that being with him is all i want anyway. I kept thinking that maybe theres something wrong with me or i may not be attractive enough. But that just wasnt the case. And he has said that i was better in sex than his ex girlfriend was. So if this is all true, whats the problem. Its not like hes so busy with stuff that he doesnt have time for me. He practically smokes pot, plays fifa, and watches soccer all day. We would only hang out on 2 days out of a week too yet that was too hard apparently. I don’t understand what happened and whats going on. I told him I still want to be around and still want to be friends and he said then its not like we’re broken up. When he said that I asked him how did it come to this that he resents being around me so much. He just said he doesnt want me to get the wrong idea by saying it but he loves me. Thats obviously all bs so i told him “okay, i will give you exactly what you want. I will never be around you alone again. You shouldn’t have introduced me to your friends because i made friends with your friends so if they are going to get together for something, i will be there. But as far as you and i alone, i will never let that happen and this is what you wants so this i will give you.” We went to go eat and after that i stopped trying to make it work and i stopped talking to him. I got a few snapchats from him, which was weird because he almost never snapchatted me. And he responded to my stories that were meant for everyone to see. But still those arent any big deal so idk if he really was trying to reach out to me. But ive been strong and havent tried to reach out but i still love him. I know that i will be strong and go through the 30 day NC rule but I dont think it would work to my advantage in this case to contact him after those 30 days are up since it was purely him that terminated our relationship. I always am attractively dressed and am in good shape and everyone else always notices but it seems he is always oblivious so i cant exactly tempt him with my looks. I feel like this is such a weird case so im not sure your rules will exactly apply. The only thing that i can do is not try to contact him ever. It simply seems that he really just doesnt want to be with me but thats just really, really hard for me to believe. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 1:43 pm
Hi Sherry,
don’t take it personally..especially if you can’t see any reason, then that means he just doean’t want to be in a relationship.. so, that means you have to decide whether you stay as his friend or move on
Tina
April 11, 2016 at 8:44 pm
Hi! I hope you’ll be able to help. So, my ex and I were together for 5 years. We broke up few times and he was always the one to initiate it. He was also the one to initiate getting back together. It has been 5 months since break up. He left me because he didn’t have time for me, but I think that’s just lame excuse. After break up he was contacting me at least once a week. And I replied but not begging him anything. Month and a half after breakup he started seeing another girl with whom he is working. When I accidentaly saw them in restaurant he started contacing me even more often. He said he is seeing her because he can’t be with me. So we started texting every day for month and a half. Two weeks after we started texting he and that girl broke up. He told me he loves me and miss me even before that. So trough that month and a half of texting he continued saying me that and he was asking me about my opinion about everything he was doing. He even went to coffee shop because he knew he would see me. 6th March I woke up with strange feeling in my stomach like something is wrong. I went on his facebook profile and everything was fine. 4 hours later I visited it again and I don’t know why. I saw that girl, he used to date month ago, liked two links he posted few days ago. I immediately knew they must have conntacted. I send him text and he didn’t answer. He texted back after few hours. I kind of pushed him to wall and he admitted he went to coffee with that girl and that they had been talking for a week. I asked him if they’re will get back together and what am I in his life. He said he doesn’t know anything. I was furious and I said that he can’t have me in his life if he has her and when he decides what he wants to contact me. 7 days later, day before my birthday, he contacted me that he is going to delete me off facebook so he can move on. He can’t move on while I’m in his life. I said I respect that and wish him all the best. He deleted me and I went nc immediately. On day 4 he sent me facebook message about some discount I was talking about before. I didn’t respond or even open that message. He hadn’t conntacted me since then. We accidentaly saw each other last week in coffee house and he didn’t even say hi. Today is day 28 of nc and I miss him like crazy. My friend told me he doesn’t post much on facebook except new profile picture and that girl commented on it. He also posted something about trip with that girl. But they didn’t win that. I am mad at him but I also miss him very much. It’s been 5 months and I still love him and miss him and it seems like he forgot me so fast. And like he doesn’t miss me at all or even care about me. I’m not really sure what to do, although I am still mad at what he did (didn’t tell me about that girl until I pushed him), but I want him back. Can you help?
Also thank you in advance 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 13, 2016 at 3:35 pm
Hi Tina,
I don’t think you should have him back..It’s normal that you miss him.. you had 5 years togeher but what I don’t get is that you were on the way to getting back together and then he goes out with the other girl.. But if you really want to try.. You Can initate a text.. and also if you hadn’t been active during nc, if you didn’t improve yourself and went active on posting in social media, you have to restart count…. before trying to contact him…
Raina
April 8, 2016 at 12:39 am
Hi, I’ve been going through your posts for a while and honestly, they made me get a good grip of what I should do now. However, I don’t know if my situation applies him as my “ex”, but a week ago he said he lost the spark and feels nothing for me, telling me that we needs some distance and he’s not ready for a relationship. I’ve done a bit of pleading for the next day and after that I apologized and left him be. He still texts me before I’ve done the pleading, but after that he deleted our conversation and sort of went NC. I respect his decision and follow it as well. My questions are, what does it mean when a man goes NC? Should I reach out after 30 days? We’re in the same class and it’s the vacation period, but it will end before the NC period. Should I just ignore him until NC is over or should I maintain a friendly interaction? He is a sensitive and stubborn man who I dare say aren’t really into chamgong his min that much. Do I still have the chance? Plus he does not like texting, what should I do in this case? Also, my friends doesn’t support the idea of me trying to get him back because they said the lost of feeling is a legit reason. What should I do? I’d really appreciate it if you can help. 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 6:34 am
Hi Raina,
that means he lost attraction.. and maybe he’s really moving on or moved on because he stopped communicating..which is good in your part because it would be easier to start nc.. since the first days of school is near the end of nc.. continie to be distant but be polite.. answer directly short if he initiates a talk..Your friends have a point.. of a man doesn’t want you..don’t push it.. so do this nc more for you to regain your self esteem.. and then just see if after nc he will see you in a new light.. if not, at least you’ve already started the steps to moving on
Marie
April 6, 2016 at 8:37 pm
Hi, I’ve been looking in this website for advice but I haven’t been able to find something that resembles my situation. I dated a guy for two years. He broke up with me in June because I was going through some issues (that no longer apply) and he couldn’t handle it. It was too intense for him and our relationship became unhealthy. However, we decided to be friends. A month later he started seeing someone else. His new girlfriend did not like me because of how close me and him were. We were still best friends and talking all the time. After a few months of him dating this new girl, she threatened to breakup with him if he didn’t cut me out of his life. So he cut me out of his life for two months. I reached out to him at the end of that and we hit it off just like we were best friends again. His told me that his current relationship wasn’t what he expected and that he didn’t see it working out. A month into us being in eachothers lives again, his new girlfriend dumped him for hanging out with me even though it was in a group setting. We have many mutual friends, all of which cannot stand his new girlfriend because she is nasty towards them. They loved me and him together and thought we were perfect together. They broke up about a month ago (7 months into their relationship) and me and him are trying to remain friends, however he feels like he needs time to figure out his life. And also he realized that maybe he really did care for the newer ex girlfriend deeper than he thought, but still wants to be alone right now. He also said that he wants to be in my life but it is probably not a good idea for us to be close right now- and that eventually we’ll be good. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I should do a no contact, but we have done no contact multiple times while he was dating the other girl. Will it even be effective ? I don’t feel like he will reach out to me during this time because I know he needs space. He always says he wants me in his life. Me and him have chemistry and are best friends. We have so much in common and know how to work through hard situations. We always try to see eye to eye and understand eachother. I would love to have a relationship with him again. I love him. He even agreed that he has the most fun with me. But I’m afraid too much has passed since our last relationship ( about 10 months ). What is the best thing I can do for our relationship ? My fear is that if I give him time( as in no contact) — he will use it to try and get back together with his newer ex. I feel like I need to be proactive in attracting him. And I’m afraid of making a mistake. I recently just told him to figure out his life but he can’t expect me to always be there. There is such a thing as too late. Especially because I have many other men who are trying to win me over.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 8:17 pm
Hi Marie,
that’s good.. go out and date and do things that make you happy bcause in the end, everybody wants to be woth someone who is happy.. maybe that’s even the reason he reconnects with and a little jealousy is what’s lacking to make him realize you’re not waiting anymore
laura
April 6, 2016 at 5:26 pm
when we broke up this time he said he wants to develop as a person and he couldn’t concentrate on studies. we are in our final year of university – we graduate in a couple months. he said he hopes we can talk after we have both graduated. However he accidentally left me a voice mail of him and his friends 3 in the morning. i hit the roof and took it really personal. He told me to leave him the fuck alone. I sent him an email saying how i was sorry and i hope he remembered me for who he used to like and i wished him the best. I then blocked him just so i couldn’t see his reply incase it was nasty. I unblocked him after a day and I haven’t messaged him since that last email.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 6:43 pm
Hi Laura,
does that mean you’re starting no contact?
Cherise
April 6, 2016 at 1:11 am
Hello, I read this article in its entirety. However my situation is a we bit different. I’ve known this guy for almost 3 years we would text here and there throughout that time but nothing ever quite lifted off the ground. He finally started flirting with me more and texting not often and we hung out but on that day, I had sex with him. I let time go by and contacted him first via text around three times but spread out over a 2 week period. Then i told myself no more reaching out because I didn’t want to chase him. There is a lot more to this story I really feel in my gut that he likes me but now it’s been two weeks to the day since our last texts (initiated by me) and I haven’t heard a peep. He does look at every last one of my snapchat posts, which makes me think he’s still interested but he also is one of those bitter guys that’s been hurt and “every girl must pay” types. I really like him because he is gregarious and fun loving and always makes me laugh and exciting. I plan on finishing up 30 NC but seriously, does he same rules apply for a guy that’s not quite your ex??? Please give me some feedback if you can.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 11:16 am
Hi Cherise,
to be honest, I think he just got what he wanted.. and then he stopped communicating to you..if he really likea you, he ahould have messaged you after those texts you sent.. for me you should move on.. he sounds like a player.. funny, romantic, nice and then that happened
Lola
March 30, 2016 at 8:42 pm
It’s been 21 days since I last talked to my ex. When he told me that we are not going to work out and to learn to move on. 7 years in a relationship, it’s a little hard for me to just forget and emotionally detach myself. But this nc has taught me to be strong mentally and emotionally. I still have my moments but I’m pretty proud of myself because I’m the one who is the gnat and calling and being clingy. But now i need to look at my self worth and really value myself. I still have a long ways to go, but I always have that question, “will he contact me?” My realistic answer is no because he told me to learn to move on and from this article he’s a stubborn person and to him it is like a game. Let’s see how I feel on day 30
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 9:11 am
Hi Lola,
Let’s hope he changes his mind by the end of nc or you can make him fall for you again after it.
Sophie
March 30, 2016 at 10:53 am
hi everyone ive been reading through posts on here and you all seem so very supportive with eachother. I have no one to talk to about this I feel so alone and lost. I met a guy around 4 years ago he asked for my number in a bar. I wasn’t All that interested at first but we went for a drink the next day I did not feel anything whilst I did know he really really liked me. We stopped speaking and recently we got back in contact he changed he got better looking and I really fancied him! We went for a drink and got talking we clicked so so much ! We got together a few days after as boyfriend and girlfriend we was together all the time. Talking for hours and hours on the phone I knew how he felt for me was genuine. I met his mum it was serious he told me he hadn’t felt like it in his life and I heard from his mum he doesn’t introduce girls to her unless e was very serious.. Ive been hurt so many times In the past from men i push them away before they do me .. I feel like everyone is out to hurt me .. We had a little bicker on Friday he was late to pick me up he didn’t tell me until a while after he hadn’t even left yet ! I had a few vodkas so I caused a row about it. And told him me and him wasn’t working and he said to me good luck to wish u all the best we can be friends .. But he knows I say things sometimes I don’t mean and he knows I didn’t mean that I wanted to break up. I have not heard anything since that night but I also haven’t been in contact with him either im finding it so so hard but I know from experience when ive done it before and I text first they know they have me where they want me. I don’t want him to think that I want him to come to me but im so frightened ive lost him. Was only a couple months we was together but it felt like years we was so so close can someone please give me some advice on what to do i would appreciate it so much x
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 7:46 am
HI sophie,
Have you talked now? Maybe he’s just like that because he doesn’t want drama.
Ronna
March 29, 2016 at 10:11 am
Me and my ex broke up about 2 weeks ago, I am on my NC day 7. We have been tgt for over 2 years and 1 year in it is a LDR. The reason he broke up with me is because he said he has feeling toward my best friend in the beginning of this month. He did sent me a bit of texts about he has some regrets on his own personal statement after the break up and I ignored them. And yesterday he changed his whatsapp icon into a very handsome one, he is never the kind wanting to look good! And the way he makes his look is exactly the thing I told him would be good on him while we were in the relationship.
I feel like he is still chasing after my best friend, and my best friend claims that she is gay all of the sudden. I don’t really know what happening. I get so sick of both of them but I still want my ex back cause we both agree that we had extremely good times tgt.
He didn’t contact me at all during my NC, do you think he will completely forget about me after the NC? Cause apparently his attention is after my best friend. I really don’t know what he is thinking. What can I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 5:26 am
Hi
Sorry for the late reply. The truth is you have to have time, money and a plan if you’re doing ldr otherwise there’s a slim chance it would work out. Take it slow, try to rebuild after no contact, and then see from there how he is with you.
Ronna
March 29, 2016 at 12:48 am
Me and my ex were in a LDR. We are both first gf and bf to each other. I am 22 and he is 27. We have been tgt for over 2 years and there was a year in LDR. We broke up about 2 weeks ago and now I am on NC 7th day. He broke up with me because he has feelings toward my best friend recently who is always around with him back in the UK. And my best friend told my ex and the others that she is gay all of the sudden. (She had relationships with guys before) I feel like my ex is still chasing after her, he even changed his whatsapp icon into a very handsome one just like the one Chris mentioned we should do. Although he still keeps the Facebook icon with me and him together. I really don’t know what he is thinking 🙁
He hasn’t contacted me at all during my NC, I am so afraid that he has completely forgotten about me already. (He did ask me after the broke up when will the valentines gift I sent him arrive, cause it is still on its way for over 3 months to his country)
Do you think I still have chance to get him back in this messy situation? Thanks a lot for reading my comment 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 5:26 am
Hi
Sorry for the late reply. The truth is you have to have time, money and a plan if you’re doing ldr otherwise there’s a slim chance it would work out. Take it slow, try to rebuild after no contact, and then see from there how he is with you.
Valerie
March 28, 2016 at 3:52 pm
Hi Chris and Amor,
I am in the middle of my no contact right now, this is day 13. But I am really wondering if it will work in my situation.
We’ve been dating more than a year ago and we remained a sort of friends and there’s is still this magical chemistry. We do talk, text and see each other often. But sometimes, we text each other days in a row and sometimes there 2 weeks that go by without contacting each other. So I am really wondering if he is going to notice? So that’s my first question. But my other question is, what if he is seeing another girl or getting a girlfriend during the NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 4:39 am
Hi valerie,
if that’s how you’re relationship, there is a chance he will because it looks like your relationship is not deeply rooted. He may not even notice during the first two weeks, so that means it’s better if you 30 day nc
Crystal
March 26, 2016 at 1:50 pm
(Fyi he is subborn and he doesnt like confrontation)I have been in a relationship for more than 2 years. About 2 years and three months. At first we dated for a month and I broke up feeling I wasn’t ready for having a relationship. Then after that month two months went by without any contact,I felt embarrassed about trying to contact him after breaking up and he wasnot being very nice about it either since of course I broke up with him.after two months we spoke for a week and started dating for a year and two months. Then he starting acting funny not hugging me,just saying I love yo to cut me off or to leave when we talked sometimes. ThenI asked him how he felt with the relationship so we decided to end things there but still be friends and cut things off. The next day I who really didn’t want a break up because I thought tthat’swhat he wanted told him how I felt. He apologized and had been nice about it. Within a few days he’s crying to my friend telling her he wants me back. We get back together and date 5 months. Now this time he breaks up with me saying he’s not happy in the relationship. So this was a few days ago so that day when I got a chance of course I begged for him. To change His mind and that I would show him and all that of course I wwasn’tin the right mind. So I decide to avoid him since I am embarrassed about it. But my friend talked to him and told me he wasn’t happy and had brought up some really good points for him to think about that maybe breaking up was a bad idea but she did not tell me. The day after she told me she did this I see him around and he literally avoided eye contact with me. What do I do? Also that morning he was hanging around me and my friends we have the same friends but he’s not close to any of my friends and I haven’t talked since I’ve begged. Thank you for your time
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 2:28 am
Hi Crystal,
Have you talked to him now?