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Post categories
Pippa
December 12, 2016 at 10:17 pm
I’m 22 days into NC and I still haven’t had any response from my ex boyfriend. I wonder if I’m wasting my time and I’m wondering if I should bother contacting him after 30 days. Maybe he’s relieved that I’ve disappeared from his life. Is there anyone else reading this who has gone through 30 days NC and still not heard from their ex? I’d really appreciate some advice. My sister thinks that I’m wasting my time, saying that once its over its over and that my ex has shown that he’s not interested in contact with me so I should just leave him alone.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 12, 2016 at 11:25 pm
Hi Pippa,
If somebody tells you to leave him alone, and not try, are you really not going to?
Rose
December 4, 2016 at 4:51 am
I have initiated the no contact rule on my boyfriend who broke up with me. Its only been a few days but Christmas and his birthday (Dec 30th) will be in this month and the initial 30 day NC will expire Jan 2….how do I handle the holiday and his birthday? Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 5, 2016 at 12:08 am
Hi Rose,
check this ones:
EBR 057: Birthdays And The No Contact Rule
How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule
Sandy
December 2, 2016 at 2:32 am
My ex and i dated for 9 months and broke up a couple of weeks ago (I’m on day 25 of no contact and have not heard from him). We got into a huge argument and i told him to leave my apartment, which he did. The day after the argument, i called him to apologize and try to work things out but we got into another fight where he told me it was over and he wanted me out of his life. Since that argument, I’ve entered into no contact (and have not broken it) but have not heard from him. He has deleted all pictures of me from social media and unfriended/unfollowed me. I have deactivated my Facebook page (to avoid obsessing) and have also deleted pictures of him from my instagram. I really don’t want to reach out to him post no contact because of my pride and the fact that i did try the very next day to talk to him. What do you recommend? He is also the type of guy who doesn’t like mind games so I’m not sure the random “interesting” or “memory” texting after no contact would work….
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 2, 2016 at 6:29 pm
Hi Sandy
how much did you improve since starting nc? How many new things dod you start? How long do you intend for him to initiate contact with you?
CAT
December 2, 2016 at 2:04 am
I am on Day 3 of my NC period. I would like to know if NC works on man who said he lost feeling totally in me and seems that he would like to friendzone me?
This article talks about one point that men might not find you during NC because they think they are victim. What if a man thinks that he hurts you and feels bad, and try not to give any false hope by not contacting at all?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 2, 2016 at 6:19 pm
Hi Cat,
there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work. If he doesn’t contact you because he’s guilty of hurting you then seeing you not wallowing and moving on, getting better can help make him at ease.. But if he lost attraction with you, and that was the reason he broke up with you, then you have to improve yourself..
Taylor
December 1, 2016 at 10:37 pm
I’ve been talking to a guy for a little over a couple weeks. We’ve had some previous issues and he has completely left me. He sells cars and a girl I’m not particularly fond of always is asking about him and she said she “needed to talk to him.” And I flipped out.. not the smartest choice even though I found it kind of rude the way she said it. Besides that, he recently got jealous over something with social media. He says I was liking guys posts that were also liking kind in return and it seemed a little off. I have to agree no matter how much I keep on bringing up the thing with her. Even when I do own up to my mistake he says it’s too late.. I should have said it sooner. I was up until almost 4 am trying to win him back and he just said if I don’t stop it be blocked. I did everything. I even screenshotted messages with the guys he worried about and it did nothing. I freaked out and said our relationship was one sided.. not a good choice either. I already have awful anxiety and depression as it is so you can only imagine how crazy I feel. He said we can see in the future if I get some help with it and act less crazy but he won’t even give me a chance. I asked to talk to him later tonight but he said he’ll be too busy.. yet he’s always online. She even commented on something of his after we had that big fight. He said they weren’t anything so I trust him but we’re done so it’s none of my business, right? I’m trying to NC idea but they both get under my skin so much. PLEASE help me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 2, 2016 at 5:34 pm
Hi Taylor,
you can’t control other people.. The more you get pissed, the more you’re giving them power over you because you’re the only one being negative while they just live on..
Nadiah
December 1, 2016 at 3:43 pm
I broke up with my boyfriend almost 4 weeks a go with no contact
It is very complicated to express but I will try to explain what happened
We have been together engaged for 2.5 years and then I dumped him as I was afraid of intimacy at this time
That was 11 days before our wedding in 2012 but after breakup we stayed in contact for a while and after a year he was engaged to another girl and they stayed for a year together engaged ,then they broke up
During this year he was with the other girl, I was shocked and totally broken and I traveled to another city in my country and started a new job to forget about him but couldn’t.
I had an accident a year later he knew about it while he was with the other girl (still engaged ) .he quickly contacted me to ask about me and came to see me and then two weeks later he breakup with the other girl
4 months later he contacted me and said that he is still thinking of me and I was the most girl affected his feeling and we started another relationship
However, he was emotionally unavailable and distant We stayed for 2 more years hot and cold but No sex included as it is forbidden in our culture before marriage
eventually he broke up with me telling me that he can’t commit and there is something wrong in our relationship , he feels that I am mysterious and he can’t take a design of marriage
I was strong in front of him but in reality I was so broken
Do you think it is a hopeless situation or he may come back?
I’m from Egypt that why my English is not perfect, please excuse me and Please advice
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 2, 2016 at 12:38 am
Hi Nadiah,
did you mean he’s afraid to commit to you because you got afraid of him marrying him before? So, when did you last broke up and when did you last talk?
Maxi
November 30, 2016 at 12:00 am
I was dating a guy for 3 months who has been single for a really long time. We had an amazing connection, never disagreed, enjoyed each other, and even travelled together. He would be hot and cold in between and sometimes send mixed messages. He finally told me thru text that he was sorry and wasn’t ready for a relationship. He texted two days after breaking up with me some pictures but added that he was just doing it to be friends. I felt like he was pretty emotionally unavailable but thought maybe he just had had bad past experiences. I don’t know what I should do. The logical thing would be to just move on, but I really want him back.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 30, 2016 at 7:08 pm
HI Maxi,
do you want to try the no contact rule?
Jessie
November 20, 2016 at 10:36 pm
My ex and I have known each other since we were 15 years old. We dated during highschool on and off until one day I finally ended it because he was a huge flirt and he also didn’t always make the smartest decisions. Years passed and somehow we started talking about and hanging out with each other. He asked me on a date immediately but I declined because I knew what type of person he was. I knew he always had a wandering eye and was untrustworthy. Well we kept hanging out for a few months and he didn’t give up on asking me out. After about six months of his asking me out I finally said yes because he has shown me that he had changed and that he was serious about me. Well we started dated and we dated for two and a half years. During those two and a half years we went on trips together, went on trips with his family, and had a great time. Our relationship wasn’t perfect by any means, we had our issues but nothing major ever seemed to happen. About a year and a half into the relationship something happened that make me question his commitment to me and his honesty, and since then I had lost a lot of my trust in him. I decided to stay with him because I loved him so much (stupid I know). Well since that happened our sex life sort of diminished. I felt betrayed and he didn’t always treat me like a girlfriend, he treated me more like a sexual toy. Always grabbing me inappropriately in public and at times when I was doing something like the dishes. I told him I didn’t like that he always grabbed me like that and I asked him to stop but he never did. It got to the point where it was annoying and I would yell at him to stop. There was no romance anymore, all I ever got from him was hey can we have sex? That’s not what a girlfriend of two and a half years wants… well the last month of our relationship he was acting very jealous about anything I did and was being very controlling for no reason. I asked him if he was being this way was because he was talking to another girl and he said no, how could I even ask that? Well he grew distant, and more distant. I didn’t really think anything of it at the time. Well the day before he broke up with me he texted me and said that it was one of his coworkers 21st birthday and they weren’t going to go out together for her 1st drink as a 21 year old. Considering how he had been acting I was not okay with it at all, I didn’t even know they were that good of friends. Anyways I decided this was my chance to be like okay I trust you, you go have fun. Well he went and had fun and never texted me when he got home, but I know he was still out around 3:30 a.m. They next day I told him I was upset. I wasn’t upset about him going out, I was more upset about how hypocritical he was. He would get so angry if another guy even said hi to me and would be angry with me about it. SO I told him that if I would have gone out with a coworker for drinks of his 21st birthday he would be so upset with me and it wasn’t fair. His response was we need to talk, so we talked and he said he wanted to take a break because he’s not ready for this and basically he seemed to be coming up with any excuse he could and it seemed he was convincing himself as well. I told him there were no breaks in a relationship, so he asked to be just friends and I said no to that as well. After I had cooled down and thought about it I thought it was weird that the day before he went out with this girl everything was fine. Him and I went on a date together and he was telling me how much he loved me, then he goes out with her and bam the relationship ended. I know in my gut that something happened between them that night, he was just too afraid to tell me. Well a few weeks later I was heading home from a friends out at about 1 am and I saw him and that girl together. I didn’t get mad or anything because I knew I was right, it just validated what I already thought. Well I waited a week and decided how wrong what he did to me was… so I texted him and told him how hurt I was that he would do this, and I knew about them and I hoped she was worth throwing someone away that truly loved him. The message I sent was not at all rude or snarky, everyone that has seen the message has said how mature and honest it was. Well he never responded to my text (which I expected he wouldn’t) and he hasn’t spoken to me since the day we broke up. I still miss him a lot… and I don’t want to… and idk what to do. Since we had broken up he has stared smoking again and making bad choices and it hurts me. I just need some advice on what to do. I know what he did was wrong, he betrayed our relationship…. I just need some advice.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 22, 2016 at 10:51 pm
Hi Jessie,
do you want to move on or try again? Do you want to try the no contact rule?
Natasha
November 20, 2016 at 4:02 am
My boyfriend (now ex) and I dated for almost two years. The two of us went through a lot together, high school graduations, basic training for the military, and much more. We were doing great until about two months ago when he started becoming distant, I confronted him and he said he was fine, then everything would be normal again. This went on until the breakup. It was a mutual breakup and he told me that he loves me and will always love me, he just doesn’t see a future anymore – though not even two months ago, we were talking about moving and such. He even told me “I love you” during the breakup and held my hand. He said we could still be friends, talk, hangout, and if I ever needed him, he’d always be there. I’m so confused… He said he tried to make things work but he didn’t… He told me everything was fine when it wasn’t and pushed himself away from me more, which caused more arguments.
Anyways, we have been broken up almost three days. I had to pick up my friends boyfriend from my ex and he basically through his friend out of the car and sped off… Also, I texted him the other day to ask a question and he replied very fast. He’s also been on Facebook a lot more, he never used it, and has been watching my Snapchat stories. I’m going to try NC and see where that goes, eventually he’ll have to communicate because he has to get his stuff from my place and we have to discuss some other things. I just really hope we both need time and space to get back together… His life is constantly changing and for him to be the one the to bring up moving in together and then, saying he doesn’t see a future. Doesn’t make sense. Do you think there’s a chance for us to get back together?
Aphia
November 24, 2016 at 9:15 am
Hi,
Im on my 20th day of no contact and my ex boyfriend hasn’t contacted me yet as well.
It a long distance relationship and he broke up with me out of nowhere. I never beg and plead for him to stay but instead i just agree with his decision and give him space too. He already blocked me on facebook but after sometime he created a new facebook where I am not blocked but not added.
It breaks my heart. There’s part of me that I want him back but also willing to let him go. Im just so confused with his actions.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 26, 2016 at 6:59 pm
Hi Aphia,
that can mean he’s checking your account. Are you actively improving yourself and your updating your posts?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 22, 2016 at 6:04 pm
Hi Natasha,
be active in improving yourself during and after nc and keep it civil and only about the stuff if you are going to talk about it.. If he was just pressured or got bored with the relationship, I think there’s still a chance
Breakingpoint
November 18, 2016 at 11:38 am
It’s been 2 months since we last spoke to each other , a month ago he sent me over a text “good to see you, how have you been?” . I’ve decided not to reply , because I didn’t know what to say. It’s just feel like I’m feeding up his ego which I don’t wan to do that anymore .
My point is , should I still continue NC ? Because I don’t think I’m ready to open up a conversation with him
Breakingpoint
November 21, 2016 at 11:03 pm
Hi Amor,
Thanks for the reply . I’m a lot better this time than previous break up . Has been keeping myself busy with work and hang out with friends . I have not talk to him ever since the break up nor reply to two of his messages , therefore I won’t know how was he feeling about me . Moreover, I felt like this time I needed more time to focus on myself again. When I’m ready I will probably text him again . So am I on the right track on the moment ? Is it worth to try again ? While many would say if he loves you , he should be the one come crawling back .
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 24, 2016 at 12:18 pm
Yeah, that’s good.. Its better to take time for you to heal too.. You know, it’s your choice if you still want to try.. As long as he’s not abusive..
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 20, 2016 at 5:24 pm
Hi Breaking point,
if he friendzoned you and thought you were just waiting for him two months ago, this time, does it look like you’ve moved on? Are you aiming to be the ungettable girl? If he sees you or talks to you, would he think you look so good and it was so fun talking to you? After that would he still feel like you’re chasing him or would he regret leaving you because you’ve moved on and improved?
Breakingpoint
November 18, 2016 at 11:34 am
My ex bf , Z and I had been together for a year before he ask for space between us and I couldn’t take it and insist a timeline for this then he decided to give our relationship a month off . I agreed and gave him that one month that he wanted. When the time is up , I decided to ask him out for lunch and went over his place for movie . ( in my mind that time I thought he would open up to me first regarding our “break ” ) but he didn’t . I couldn’t help it, and voice out to him, and break down and cried telling me maybe this is for the best , he doesn’t know what he wants and he don’t see the future with me .
I was devasted hearing someone i love so deeply telling me that he don’t see the future with me in it . I left his place and a lot mixed emotion, and didn’t speak to him. Then I came across “No contact rules” for least 30 days . From then onwards I started NC for 2 weeks and I got so break down and I texted him ” why do you fall out of love?” . I had too many emotion baggage in my heart and brain, too many unanswered question . Honestly I can’t remember what he told me and I restart my NC again
Fast forward to 2 months later, I still missed him deeply and it was during holiday period . So I decided to text him with very positive message that I learnt from exboyfriendrecovery and he replied with very a positive message too. We met up for dinner and had so much fun laughing thru the night.
We had been meeting up each other since then for 5 months , like being exclusive to each other . I didn’t have the idea to talk to him about our relationship because I do not want to pressure him , I thought when he is ready then we will eventually be together. When we reached 5 months , I decided to talk to him about us , he says he need more time and he’s not ready to have “US” , but he really like to be friend and not stranger by not talking to each other , I agreed and continue being friend with him for 2 months and he decided he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore by making me wait for him. And during that time he was very close with one of his girl colleague which I always question him why they have to go out together even tho Im not his gf. He also say things like he doesn’t mind me dating other guy.
He then cried again and told me sorry and hope the next time we talk we can be friend again . I can no longer how to express how I feel anymore , I told him there’s nothing left to said . Ever since then I haven’t talk to him restarting my NC rule again , it has only been a month . Since then I’ve been reading article , because I do not know what I can anymore .
If I use my brain to think , this guy doesn’t want to be with you anymore. He’s probably think grass are greener on the other side now. Why do you want to be with him ?
If I use my heart to think , I missed him and I want to wait for us to be together again in the future.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 20, 2016 at 5:25 pm
Hi Breaking point,
if he friendzoned you and thought you were just waiting for him two months ago, this time, does it look like you’ve moved on? Are you aiming to be the ungettable girl? If he sees you or talks to you, would he think you look so good and it was so fun talking to you? After that would he still feel like you’re chasing him or would he regret leaving you because you’ve moved on and improved?
Olivia
November 17, 2016 at 12:40 pm
Hi,
I’m in a situation which I could’t find in any of the comments here. We were dating for 3 years and broke up last Saturday. Two years ago we moved abroad togetger, we lived togetger, had a common bank account and were saving for future togetger. During the last year I started talking about marriage and moving forward, probably too much, and I realize I was too pushy. Last Friday we had a very emotional conversation when I asked him whether he’s even thinking about marrying me and he said he is and that he definitely counts with me in the future, it’s just something he doesn’t want to deal with now. The next day he came and told me that he doesn’t think there is a chance to save this relationship, that my self-esteem dropped so low to ask him if he wants to marry me and that he thinks this should never happen in a relationship. It was all said in a very nice way, not angry, we didn’t fight or anything… He “felt sorry for me”. The next morning he left for a business trip and I found a check on my part of our common money on the table and he asked me to move out. He also told me that as a friend he recommends me to move back to my home country because I was often talking about missing my family etc (I haven’t seen them for 1,5 year while he was visiting them 3x/year). I moved out the day he left so we don’t have to meet again. The next day he wrote me and asked me to let him know that I arrived safely (I flew home for a week the next day) and then he sent another message the day after saying that he can see I haven’t had a chance to deposit the check and that he can send it to me via interact as well. Since then he hasn’t contacted me anymore (3 days). I know it’s early, I’m just scared that he wanted me to move back so we wouldn’t meet ever again. What’s an advantage for me – we only have few friends in Canada and I’m gonna live with them now. He doesn’t have any other good friends there, nor any hobbies. We were doing everything together. Please be honest, do you think there is a chance? I started with the NC 3 days ago and we’ll meet anyway on the flight back home for Xmas on December 22th (in 38 days). Should I contact him earlier? Thank you very much and I’m sorry for my crappy English.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 18, 2016 at 2:11 pm
Hi Olivia,
so, you didnt go home? It seems so sudden but with his decision, it looks like he’s been noticing that in you for a long time. If you’re not moving back home, do you plan in getting your own place there?
Tash
November 15, 2016 at 8:07 am
He has no courage to stand up for me yet he spoke with so much bitterness? He still hasn’t contacted me and I’m on day 9 of no contact. 8 feel as though he will just think I’m a psycho. I feel as though he will eventually move on as he said to my cousin, he was starting to feel better. However when of us contacts him, it makes him go back a few steps. 45 day no contact? How will that help? Thanks with your previous advice.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 8:24 pm
Sometimes, I don’t want to be honest but I have to. You’re not his mom, it’s not as if he’s going to lose something important for his future if he talks that way. I’m not saying it’s right but’s that’s probably how he thinks. He’s got more to lose now if he sticks with you. But him being disrespectful shows more that he is immature. 45 days is more for you than for him. Well, in his side, it’s to help you influence your image in his mind. He knows you too well. He knows you’re going to wait. So, you need a shock factor. 1 month is too common, so go for 45 days.
L
November 14, 2016 at 11:32 pm
So here is the thing, we were together for almost 3 years. He ended things saying that altough he loves me very much, he felt like meeting/having new experiences with other people (i was his only one, if you know what i mean).
The break up caught me out of guard, once things were fine between us. So I started the NC the day after the break up, as soon as he left my house with his belongings.
It’s been four days, the longest we ever went without talking, and he is already adding new girls on facebook.
No attempts of contact whatsoever.
I love him very much, and want him back, but i do understand his need for new experiences (hurts like hell, but i do).
Im just really lost, wondering if he has already moved on, I need help.
What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 4:10 pm
Hi,
it looks like he’s in a grass is greener syndrome. Check this one:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
honibee
November 14, 2016 at 3:30 pm
After 7 years living together I found out my BF had been looking at flats to live in by himself, I waited 3 weeks for him to tell me… he didn’t. That night we had a row and he left. The next day he asked to meet and chat, I was still angry with him, I asked what he was offering? his reply to carry on the same. No, I replied. By the end of the week, he had a new flat and had removed all his possessions. That was over 3 months ago.
Within 2 weeks of him leaving he made contact, including sitting outside my job for 4 hrs. That day he told me he wanted to marry me, buy a house together… But when I asked him a few days later, he told me only said this because he didn’t want to lose me, but that NO he didn’t want to marry me…. I walked away again.
Throughout the 3 months I have not initiated contact, he has, but each time I have met for coffees, and even ended up at his flat.. yes sex!
Anyway 3 weeks ago we had a real talk, it turns out he wants kids, I cant give them to him, I am too old now and mine are nearly fully grown. He is 8 years younger. I told him to go and find his dream…
The next night he turned up, saying he felt like half of him was missing… But he never asked to come back. Again I told him to find his dream…..
He rang the next night, I ignored it and text him back saying, don’t contact me unless you want me only…..?
I decided then on 30 NC
I then didn’t hear from him for 14 days, the longest ever he has stayed silent, he called but hung up after 3 rings…. I think he was calling from the airport as he has to fly out of the country for 2 weeks with work. I didn’t try to make contact…
I am 17 days into NC, is there any point in us, am I being selfish wanting him back? He wants kids…
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 14, 2016 at 10:51 pm
Hi Honibee,
First, don’t ever sleep with him again. Second, you’re not being selfish. You’re being realistic. If there is a conflict of values, it really wouldn’t work.
Janice
November 13, 2016 at 12:36 pm
Hello! My boyfriend and I broke up 6 months ago. It was hard for me not to constantly contact him in the beginning, but after a month or so of no response, tried the no contact rule. I did stick it out for 30 days and tried to send a text again after. I still got no reply and am starting to think it may be a lost cause…
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 1:35 pm
Hi Janice,
when was the last time you attempted and how much did you improve since then?
Phoebe
November 13, 2016 at 12:36 am
I’m 28 and he is 35. We used to be very close friends and we were talking for ours about our lifes and the person we were in love by the moment but in 2015 we fell in love and started a relationship that last 2 months, because I asked him to take off the photos he had on facebook with his ex girlfriend, once we were in a relationship and all our friends and family new it. He was pisted and broke up with me. I was devastated and then I started the no contact rule on him. 16 days after was his birthday and he tried to call me but I didn’t answer the call. 21 days after I called him and told him that I wanted only to check up on him (this was a very awkward moment). Then we never more spoke again, I was seeing him in places where we have friends in common but only saying hi and asking if everything was fine, nothing more. 6 months after our break up I called him and asked if he wanted to go out and he said yes and I felt on his voice that he was missing me. We went for a coffe and I made the eye contact then he touched my hand and started kissing me. By this time he was working in another city and a week later he sent me a message saying that he was not ready to be in a relationship. 4 months later we were together again at this group of friends and I had to translate for a friend that didn’t spoke our language and I noticed that he was jealous seeing us together. I talked with his mother and she said he was not ok in life. I called him next day and he wanted to go for coffee and then in 1 week we started a relationship again everything was ok, he was very happy and told me that I was the best thing that happened in his life, he loved the way I deal with problems and put my self together again once I passed through a lot, taking care of my parents, my self, working and going to university at the same time. I was smiling and having very good time with him, we were going for camping and doing a lot of adventure and other crazy things together that he never had with anyone else (he said). His parents came to me and told me that they never sow their son that happy before. He was very kind taking care of me and helping me with my mother a lot. His life and mood started increasing a lot. But we started fighting a lot because he was living at his parents house doing nothing and didn’t want to be an independent man. I was not ok with that and he was still living and depending on his parents for everything and at the same time his parents waeI’m 28 and he is 35. We used to be very close friends and we were talking for ours about our lifes and the person we were in love by the moment but in 2015 we fell in love and started a relationship that last 2 months, because I asked him to take off the photos he had on facebook with his ex girlfriend, once we were in a relationship and all our friends and family new it. He was pisted and broke up with me. I was devastated and then I started the no contact rule on him. 16 days after was his birthday and he tried to call me but I didn’t answer the call. 21 days after I called him and told him that I wanted only to check up on him (this was a very awkward moment). Then we never more spoke again, I was seeing him in places where we have friends in common but only saying hi and asking if everything was fine, nothing more. 6 months after our break up I called him and asked if he wanted to go out and he said yes and I felt on his voice that he was missing me. We went for a coffe and I made the eye contact then he touched my hand and started kissing me. By this time he was working in another city and a week later he sent me a message saying that he was not ready to be in a relationship. 4 months later we were together again in thI’m 28 and he is 35. We used to be very close friends and we were talk for ours about our lifes and the person we were in love by the moment, in 2015 we fell in love and started a relationship that last 2 months, because I asked him to take off the photos had on facebook with his ex girlfriend, once we were in a relationship and all our friends and family new it. He was pisted and broke up with me. I was debasted and started the no contact rule on him. 16 days after was his birthday and he tried to call me but I didn’t answer the call. 21 days after I called him and told him that I wanted only to check up on him (this was a very awkward moment). Then we never more spoke again, I was seeing him in places where we have friends in common but only saying hi and asking if everything was fine, nothing more. 6 months after our break up I called him and asked if he wanted to go out I he said yes and I felt on his voice that he was missing me. We went for a coffe and I made the eye contact then he touched my hand and started kissing me, he was working in another city and a week later he sent me a message saying that he was not ready to be in a relationship. 4 months later we were together again at this friends group and I had to translate for a friend and I noticed that he was jealous seeing us together. I talked with his mother and she said he was not ok in life. I called him next day and he wanted to go for coffee and then in 1 week we started a relationship again everything was ok, he was very happy and told me that I was the best thing that happened in his life, he loved the way I deal with problems and put my self together again once I passed through a lot, taking care of my parents, my self, working and going to university at the same time. I was smiling and having very good time with him, we were going for camping and doing a lot of adventure and other crazy things together that he never had with anyone else (he said). His parents came to me and told me that they never sow their son that happy before. He was very kind taking care of me and helping me with my mother a lot. But we started fighting a lot because he was living at his parents house doing nothing and didn’t want to be an independent man. I was not ok with that and he was still living and depending on his parents for everything and at the same time his parents were treating him like a chield and calling him all the time while we were together. He was not ok with the situation and also wanted to do something for his life but more and more he was becoming dependent and at the same time our sexual relationship was not ok. I never had an orgasm with him, thought I always felt pleasure and praised him in bed, I am not that experient but I gave my self to him. He broke up with me now after 6 months in a relationship. He told me that I was not respecting him as man because he was not working and every time he looks at me he sees a desaproval look towards him. He said he can’t feel masculine with me and he is sick I’m always criticising him. He said that because of me he is going down and dont want to fight for his life. I love him and all I told him was to find some occupation. He feels like I was with him for pity. I wish I could change the way I talked to him. I love him very much and never gave my self to anyone like I did. I just started the no contact rule (7 days now). What do you think I should do more? Did I push to hard?
Phoebe
November 22, 2016 at 1:45 pm
I’m sorry I didn’t reply sooner.
He is just being lazy on it. But seems to me that until now he was aware of the fact real fact of not being living with his parents. He knew that he needed to do something for his life specially if he wants to marry and have kids, but until then it was ok for him to be living with his parents.
He was talking about marring me, and I was trying to let him know that ‘now’ is the time to start working for it. He realized that and I think that’s why he was so angry with me, I see it as a shock and a ‘wake up’ for reality.
Last week – day 10 of our NC – he sent me a message saying that he was thinking about everything and is trying to change things in his life and that he just don’t like the way things ended between us. He said also that he misses me and that he is afraid that this time apart may changed my feelings for him. He also said in the message said that we were fighting a lot and that he would prefer that this time things would be different but that he does not want that the feeling of missing me determines what is the best for us, being together or being a apart. He said also that he was closed to my house but because I asked him to not contacting me for being to hard to me having him as friend, he just went away. I didn’t reply to him
Now, on day 15 of NC he sent me another message over facebook and he could see that I read his message and din’t reply. In that message he said that though rationally he feels he took the best decision on breaking up with me he misses me a lot and all what he misses the most are the good times we spent together and seeing me smiling – an hour after this message he tried to call me, and I didn’t answer.
Today I completed day 17 of NC but I think I messed up. I don’t know, you as team may tell me.
I sent him a message at 8 am. saying that: “Hello, I have been in a rush. But for now I am taking some time to relax and hang out with friends. I wish you are ok and taking care of yourself. As soon I have any opportunity we can talk. kisses”.
Did I break the NC? I was thinking about the ‘golden factor’. But now I just realize that I messed up. 5 hours has passed and he didn’t reply.
I can’t wait to hear from your team.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 24, 2016 at 5:10 pm
Yep Phoebe..you have to restart the count..
Phoebe
November 22, 2016 at 1:38 pm
I’m sorry I didn’t reply sooner.
He is just being lazy on it. But seems to me that until now he was aware of the fact real fact of not being living with his parents. He knew that he needed to do something for his life specially if he wants to marry and have kids, but until then it was ok for him to be living with his parents.
He was talking about marring me, and I was trying to let him know that ‘now’ is the time to start working for it. He realized that and I think thats why he was so angry with me, I see it as shock and wake up for the reality.
Last ween – day 10 of our NC – he sent me a message saying that he was thinking about everything and is trying to change things in his life and that he just don’t like the way things ended between us. He said also that he misses me and that he is afraid that this time apart may changed my feelings for him. He also said in the message said that we were fighting a lot and that he would prefer that this time things would be different but that he does not want that the feeling of missing me determines what is the best for us, being together or being a apart. He said also that he was closed to my house but because I asked him to not contacting me for being to hard to me having him as friend, he just went away. I didn’t reply to him
Now, on they 15 of NC he sent me another message over facebook and he could see that I read his message and din’t reply. In that message he said that though rationally he feels he took the best decision on breaking up with me he misses me a lot and all what he misses the most are the good times we spent together and seeing me smiling – an hour after this message he tried to call me, and I didn’t answer.
Today I completed day 17 but I think I messed up. I don’t know, you as team will tell me.
I sent him a message at 8 am. saying that: “Hell I have been in rush. But for now I am taking some time to relax and hang out with friends. I wish you are ok and taking care of yourself. When I have any opportunity we can talk. kisses”.
Did I break the NC? I was thinking about the ‘golden factor’. But now I just realize that I messed up. 5 hours has passed and he didn’t reply.
I can’t wait to hear from your team.
Phoebe
November 13, 2016 at 12:38 am
Sorry, Ithis know I sent to many messages, this was the last one. You can delete the previous one. Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 8:22 am
Hi Phoebe,
it’s ok. Yes, I did delete the previous ones. You can change the way you talk to him because you can control yourself but you cant control him. So, does this mean that it’s ok with you that he still doesnt want to work and leave his parents to be independent?
You have to think about what your standards really are. For him, he’s blaming you that he doesn’t want to work, but is it really you, or he’s just being lazy on it?
Kiri
November 11, 2016 at 2:40 pm
Hello,
Just a simple question, what happens if he states, “I will message you when I am ready.” but he does not contact you first?
We ended on good terms, we were a happy couple but he said he didn’t love me as much as before and he didn’t want to hurt me anymore.
He is also very stubborn so I am more than certain he will not message me within the no contact out of fear of hurting me more.
Is it still okay to contact him after the 30 days or will this upset the push/pull method as he insisted he would message me first?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 13, 2016 at 4:01 pm
Hi Kiri,
he probably said that to keep the door of friendship open. There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work. But if your questions is will it make him fall in love with you again, nope. The no contact rule helps in increasing your chances but in it, you have to improve yourself too. That’s the most important aspect of the no contact rule. You have to improve yourself. And yes, you can initiate after the no contact rule even if he didn’t initiate during it. Check this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Emily
November 9, 2016 at 7:25 pm
Hi. My ex and I broke up after 8 months. We moved in together after 7 months because he was jealous and uncomfortable with me living with a male housemate. For 3 days just before I moved I nagged and annoyed him; I was having trouble feeling forced to move, not feeling I was a priority. He was with his family who were visiting. He was hurt about this and said some horrible things that I never recovered from, just felt guilty. This feeling and his disappointment led to us fighting every week for 6 weeks about anything. Eventually he just said he didn’t love me or the relationship anymore and asked that I move out. We both live out of the country, same place, so we had a flight scheduled for Christmas which we are still going on, so we know we will see each other at that point. He said he wanted to go out as friends next year and see what happens, but it feels like he was trying to just be nice. He hasn’t contacted me since I moved out 4 weeks ago. I sent him a Happy birthday text a week ago. That’s my last contact. He didn’t reply. Has he moved on? Was the lets meet as friends and see what happens a way to let me down easy?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 13, 2016 at 4:52 am
Hi Emily,
it looks like that because he didnt reply to your greeting. You mean you live in different countries now but have the same home town?
Tash
November 9, 2016 at 1:07 pm
Apologies for the delay in reply. Well his family are quite backwards, they want him to have an arranged marriage when he is 28 years old. Were both 24 years old. I broke my no contact on day 18 and contacted him, unfortunately he didn’t reply. He spoke to my cousin and said that it’s the right decision, and that he won’t be contacting him as he wants to move on and doesn’t want to give me false hope. He told her that he gets urges to text me but stops himself. Although he wants me to move on, he told her that if she had called him to tell him that I’ve moved on, he would know that’s not true as he knows me. He said really good things about me but said it’s out of his control. I texted him last on Sunday saying that I will be changing my number and that I won’t be contacting him but still no reply. I only said it because I wanted a response. Anyway I’m on day 3 of no contact again. I need some positive words and advice please?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 12, 2016 at 3:35 pm
HI Tash,
he’s still young, he doesn’t have enough courage to stand up for his own wants. Good news is, he’s arranged marriage far away.. If he thinks he knows you then surprise him. Stop contacting him, instead of trying to convince him with words that you are moving on, just do it. Try 45 days no contact. Act like you’re moving on before initiating contact again. Heal, improve, do new things and make new friends.