What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

Sammi

April 30, 2017 at 3:49 pm

My boyfriend and I broke up two weeks ago…
He said he cant find the physical attraction from me, ( though I have been better a lot since with him)
the thing is he found me too sticky, and just wanna be alone and work stress blablabla…..
so I broke up with him and started NC,he still hasn’t contact me at all since that day…..
And I m now trying new lifestyle, though I keep missing him when I am home alone.

do u think i still has chance to winning him back?

Sammi

May 23, 2017 at 11:27 am

Hi is me again.
I have started NC for about 6 weeks (this is a tough thing. )
For about 30 days of no contact, I have contacted him via text about some event issue (didnt ask for anything about relationship)
He asked me “How are you” during the conversation “and I replied him “I m good :)””
After that we started NC again,
he still never initiate contact, but my mind is clam a lot now and focusing on improving myself.
The thing is, recently, I found that he view my social media a/c which I have already blocked his newest ac, he stalked me by his old, unused a/c.
Does it mean anything? I guess he may miss me, but still hasnt enough to contact me?
As I decided not to initiate contact him, how to make him start to contact me?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 25, 2017 at 3:40 pm

it’s ok if he doesn’t contact you because you can initiate contact, especially now that he has started viewing your posts
Sammi

May 4, 2017 at 12:56 pm

We have been together about 2 years….
And I have started the NC about 17 days,
I am not sure if he miss me or he feels relieved now…..
I m so depressed.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 4, 2017 at 3:43 pm

Since your half way in but you’re not emotional stable yet, extend to 45 days and get professional counseling..focus in improving yourself
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2017 at 10:45 am

how long is your relationship? How many day in nc are you in now?

Isa

April 26, 2017 at 12:59 am

I’m never been good with relationships, they’ve only ever lasted a few weeks. However, I met a guy as a FWB in January that had similar issues and was almost the same type of person as me. It was noncommittal and we both liked it that way. After about a month, he told me he was growing feelings for me. After giving it some time and thought, I had decided. I had started to enjoy his company, so I wanted to explore something I thought might work for both of us. So, I proposed an open relationship, something neither of us had tried yet. We agreed on telling each other when we were going to hook up with others, on being open about how we were doing in the relationship, ect. It was going very well by the second month. However, I started to have problems with small things that I had originally brought up. Some examples would be: We would text through out the day but it would take hours in between every reply for the both of us. I had mentioned earlier when we first met that we didn’t need to text that much since we didn’t like it. Now, it felt slowly aggravating. Another thing was not really knowing his schedule. It didn’t come to me to ask for his schedule. This cause most of my invites to be declined and sometimes even total silence for a couple days during the weekends. Soon, I broke it off just so I wouldn’t have to deal with these problems. I regretted it soon after. He contacted me before I could and said all the right things and even had valid reasons for my concerns. We both didn’t know how to make it work like normal but promised to work together. I had felt terrible and wanted to do my best in sticking it through. I knew my first mistake was trying to placate him and try to sweep the left over insecurities under the rug. We continued on, almost as normal. Then I realised that my feelings for him were growing too intensely and I was slowly freaking out again. We had yet to meet other people but not for the lack of trying. The same issues were reforming once again. The second time I broke up with him, I was mad and tried to cut it off with a proposition to go back to FWB. He was mad that I would ask him to forget his feelings and go back to how it was. Again he said all the right things and had reasonable excuses for what had upset me. This time around, I knew what I was doing by trying to forget what was bothering me. Instead of acknowledging it, we got back together. I did my best to go with the flow but I felt like I was rushing head on to somewhere we both knew we weren’t ready for. One night as we were walking, meeting after getting back together, he told me he loved me. I was shocked and couldn’t responded to him. His confession both brought me to cloud nine and made me feel like a giant weight was placed on my shoulders. He told me I didn’t have to say it back until I meant it and he didn’t seemed peeved that I couldn’t say it back. I was happy for two weeks, until we started having less sex. He had informed me previously about a medical issue he had but it didn’t effect us until then. I started feeling insecure about our lack of action and soon realized that I had lost interest in sleeping with other people, yet I couldn’t tell him. Occasionally, during our less graceful sex sessions, he would say that I should try to sleep with other people. I would be get hurt and angry, thinking to myself along the lines of ‘I wish I could!’, however, it was a reasonable solution considering out open relationship. I kept it to myself but I became doubtful that he wasn’t sleeping with other people, which soon came to him admitting he didn’t hook up with anyone but also didn’t believe I wasn’t sleeping around. I was starting to feel like I was the only one to proposition sex and meet ups and eventually texts. I felt like I was dragging something that didn’t want to work with me. So I broke it off the day before I had a hotel date, which he knew about, and tried to sleep through my anxiety. I told him again that we had tried it but it wasn’t working. That it felt like a waste of time. To go back to how it was before. He replied in the morning. He was angry this time. He said that it would be easy to fall back to sleeping with other people but that he chose to keep trying because he wanted to be with me. He said I should take my head out of my ass and see the big picture. That I wouldn’t be as happy going back. He was speaking my language. He is a good guy, trustworthy, supportive, and all good things I could offer to say to him. We got back together. My date had to cancel that same day and I had felt relieved. He came by instead. Even with how happy things turned out, we still had misunderstandings. However, I felt something that I thought might be love toward him. I told him but it sounded uncertain to the both of us, so I didn’t repeat it. At this time I realised that our libidos are now different. We had sex three times that night and I could go for more but he couldn’t. I tried my best to just hang around him, watching videos and joking around. Until, he again brought up me sleeping with other people. It felt like a dose of cold water to my mood and efforts. We argued a little, with him coaching me again. He told me he knew I wasn’t as satisfied and wanted me to feel better. He then told me that he loved me, whispering sweet nothings, until he said that he wanted something more exclusive. We discussed it a little and I wanted to jump with him. I told him I loved him again because it felt right and it was. I said I could try it with him. Then he suggested we think about it for a couple more days, just to make sure. This was our happiest period. Although, soon, it felt like we were sinking again. I was having personal issues and so was he. When I felt like I needed to see him, he wasn’t available. Our plans were cancelled by him when he needed to take care of something important last minute. My insecurities and anger boiled under the surface. We were texting and it felt so noncommittal in my mind I snapped a bit. He was asking what was wrong, I just felt so hurt and tired of repeating myself that I opted to try and hurt him back. I said things I didn’t mean. His response this time was short and dismissive. I apologized and tried to call but he didn’t answer. He texted me saying he didn’t want to talk now. I really thought I screwed up big this time. Not long later, he texted me again asking what was going on. That he wouldn’t leave, so I could tell him anything. I told him everything I could, hoping that this time it would stick but he only got some points. He then told me that this would be the last time he tries to work with me if I broke it off with him again. I took this for what it was. I opted to just try to flow through like he wanted and tried to brush off any negative feelings. It wasn’t the same anymore. That night, we met and it was the worse time we had sex. I couldn’t hide my disappointment well and he noticed. I hated that I made him feel guilty about things he couldn’t control. I tried to brush it off but he again said I should try other people. I didn’t say anything but I walked away from him with a million thoughts until I had to know if he had meant it. He admitted to being half serious about it this time. I finally told him that I wasn’t sexually attracted to other people any more, that I had deleted my NSA contacts because I didn’t feel like I needed them anymore. I told him that I didn’t care about him not always satisfying me because to me it’s not uncommon and that I just needed him. I asked him again about being exclusive, since this had been a quiet topic for the both of us, and how he felt. I was informed that he didn’t think we were ready yet. I can honestly say, I lost myself after that. I went along with how things went, not complaining when he cancelled on me, treating him nicely, texting every other hour if not more, and not pouting about the lack of sex. I pretended it was all swell and that I was just happy being with him. Until I felt it fading. I became almost clingy, doing things I hated, such as texting more frequently when I had nothing to say, asking to hang out agony everyday, or to just have sex. He told me he thought I put sex as my top priority and it didn’t sit well with him. I explained how I felt about what sex meant to me and being the only one initiating anything. He then said he wanted to have sex, so I followed along with it. The sex was great this time but it felt like something held me back again. Not long, we meet for a date since he was going out of state for a week. He told me that he’d text me, since I get impatient when I text him first. I didn’t text him at all through that week until the day he was suppose to come back and he didn’t text me at all until then. I felt the distance by then but kept it to myself. When he got back, he stayed over night. The sex wasn’t bad but it felt almost like when we were just FWB, no special emotion. We haven’t told each other we loved one another in a while and I noticed that when he had to leave in the morning. A couple days later, I decided that I’d discuss it with him. We both agreed we didn’t feel the same. I also told him that my interest in other people had also comed back. That’s when he got angry and wanted the conversation to end. I was surprised about this since I thought he’d feel relieved, so I tried to talk to him about it. We ended up arguing and he hung up on me. I was angry but I didn’t want to say anything I’d regret, so I told and explained to him reasonably how this did not mean I didn’t care about him, just that I can finally take the step back I needed to get back to smooth sailing. We ended in a good note, I thought. Not long, again, he was extra unresponsive to my invitations and texts. I was miserable, terrified, and I felt unwanted. I let myself get talked into the possibility of permanently ending the relationship. It felt like I was giving up on all our efforts and the possibility to solve the issue that couldn’t seemed to get fixed, on all our good memories and feelings that kept me there, on the possibility of never seeing him again. I wanted to talk about it one last time with him in person, to try and see if he wanted this still, of not chancing the possibility that I’m misunderstanding again. Yet, he kept dodging me. So after two days of trying to work through it, I found a moment where I could no longer give a crap and broke it off through text. I was set on making this as final as possible, to the point of saying it’d be best to not even be friends. I sent it and got no reply. I caved a little and asked him to at least let me know he’s alright, since I didn’t speak with him since he was suppose to come over. He said he had been away from his phone. It was really sad that I wished I could take it all back and forget but I tried to stick my ground. Instead I thanked him for replying and he said no problem. I haven’t texted him since, it’s only been four days, and they have been very slow and dark days for me. However, i realised that I had gotten so used to that crippling cycle of breaking up and getting back together, that I needed this space to build myself up again. I miss him terribly because even with everything I wrote, he was someone truly real and special that I wanted to keep in my life. I know this is a type toxic relationship but I want him back. Because he was right, I feel sick thinking of going back to how I used to be and it’s terrifying knowing I’ll want what he used to give me when we were together, the ability to forget anything bad and bask in our own little happy sunshine. My question, although I’m willing to stick through the NC rule, no matter how unbearable, is whether this is something I should even try again considering our patterns. I understand that this is a open relationship but I still believe we have the same possibilities and issues as monogamous relationships. I’m still hopeful in finding the right beat we can march to comfortably since I’m more aware of the mistakes we’ve both made and hope we can make accomplishments instead.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 29, 2017 at 9:56 pm

yep you should do the nc rule.. that helps to break the pattern but you have to make it seem that you’re moving on.

Anjali

April 25, 2017 at 9:26 pm

Me and my husband were married for 2months..we used to argue a lot..one day after the argument he left home and rented another property. So we separated..for 3months after that i was the only one contacting him…he would always answer my call and talk to me but never himself call me or respond to my messages..im thinking of implementing the NC rule…will it still work for me???

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 29, 2017 at 9:47 pm

it’s not a guarantee but you should try it.

Nella

April 21, 2017 at 11:08 pm

Hello, I dated a guy for 2 months, at the begining everything was awesome, he called me everyday to ask how was my day, we were never official but we hanged out all the weekends together and he was very nice with me, but then suddenly he started calling me less and it happened almost when I started showing my feelings to him, he passed from calling everyday to call twice a week, and sometimes only Saturday night, so I did 2 weeks no contact athen he called me back those 2 weeks I thought he would start calling everyday like before but he didn’t, I didn’t hear from him since Wednesday till Saturday night, I felt he was calling for have fun only, then I sent him the breakup message, I told him I didn’t see we were going somewhere together and told him goodbye. It has been 30 days already and haven’t heard from him at all. I wanted to texted him so many times but I held back , after one month he hasn’t contact me, what do i do, should i contact him or just forget about him.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 27, 2017 at 2:57 pm

if you were active in improving yourself and in posting in the past month, initiate contact and slowly build rapport. If not, do that first.

Carrie

April 18, 2017 at 6:45 pm

I actually find the whole article very very funny because I can see him doing the exact same thing you are describing.
Let me tell you my short story.
I got together with this gorgeous man who’s insecurity was screaming miles ahead. I boosted his confidence every single time I had the chance. Then he became too cocky blah blah and ended up arguing a lot. We got to the point that he said “I love you as as person but I’m not in love with you”
He said let’s have as 1 month break because I said I’m moving out (because he was disrespectful, he kissed another girl or maybe even more..I don’t know)
Main point. After 1 week he was the one who contacted me saying he doesnt know what he wants, he is depressed etc. Then the next day i wanted to talk to him but he said he cant see me that day. I didnt respond so he called 2 days later. He said he is just calling me because now he can come and see me and on top he even offered me to pay my rent and help me out blah blah. Then after 4 days I called him and said: ok u need to decide what u want because I don’t need this any longer…u either carry ok with me or lets just brea up properly now.I think this 1 month break is stupid.
He obviously said yes he wants to carry on..but he didn’t really change anything. My mistake was that I jumped back into it too fast. The next day he was sleeping in my new place blah blah which was a huge mistake just letting him back so quickly and on top I obsessed about him and his problems and wrote him long msg. I forgot about myself again.
HUGE MISTAKE
Then he went away for easter holiday (he didn’t invite me but I didn’t wanna go either..did wanna look like an idiot in front of the parents)
He called me before he left and I asked why he didn’t respond to my msgs.
He admitted after nagging that yes he actually didn’t care that much to answer. I got so pissed off and told him to go f himself (well that was the main point) and said don’t think I can’t kill you out of my heart (I was very very angry).
Then after hanging up I texted him “I didn’t ask you to come over last time just to fuck around. You still don’t know what you want so let me save you from this struggle. You’re free.”
Well… little bit backfired the whole thing because now I’m on this freaking page reading about this stuff 😀
He hasn’t contacted me since but he hasn’t changed his fb status either (I unfriended him when he told me to have a 1 month off). He still have our pictures and he is still in relationship status. So. Am I right or am I right. I mean you are right. He is showing me I’m gonna be the one whos gonna break..(?)

Btw thank you so much for this article. Helps heaps :*
Nina

April 13, 2017 at 4:05 pm

I was having this same promblem. My ex wasn’t contacting me yet and I was freaking out so on day 21 I broke down and texted him about how I’d like my stuff back. It was a short conversation, but we’ve set up the date where we are going to exchange our belongings. I’m confused because I feel like he doesn’t care, but I don’t know if I should contact him again and try harder or just wait till my 30 days are up to contact him again. And the weird part is a day or two before he contacted one of my friends asking about a picture I was in with another guy. I don’t know what to do. Please help.

Jessica

April 14, 2017 at 2:11 am

We are going through the same thing but I have agreed to return his belongings I’m only on my 2nd week of no contact but I’m still in love with him
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2017 at 8:15 pm

you can’t just wait for the no contact to finish.. if you weren’t active in improving yourself and in posting, you need to restart the count

S.S.

April 10, 2017 at 7:44 pm

I get that it’s ok to make the first move but this is the second time I’ve done no contact and after the first time everything was going great we were having a really nice time together had been hang out for about 3 months took me around his family again and then boom… he tells me everything’s moving to fast and he thinks we should end it again. So I told him fine but he was going to have to contact me if his feelings change cuz I can’t keep wasting my time… so I kinda feel like maybe i shouldnt contact him if he doesnt contact me idk… im on day 13 so hopefully hell break before 30

Nina

April 13, 2017 at 4:07 pm

I know it’s hard right now, but I’d hold off on contacting him for now. Wait till day 30 or very close to it to contact him. Depending on what type of person he is depends on if he’ll contact you first or not.

Sam

April 5, 2017 at 1:09 pm

We broke up on our 11 month anniversary
Though I begged time and time again he rejected me.
He kept saying he loves and misses me and has even tried to reach out to me on apps I use as I blocked everything
But now he’s stopped
When his friends ask him what happened between us he says it “”just didn’t work though she’s amazing”.
When asked why he dumped me he says “she was unhappy” and I was. I was constantly trying to get him to communicate and do more things with me like dates and activities when we are free … but I still want to fight with him.

Based on this, is it a high or medium or low chance he’ll come back??

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2017 at 7:29 pm

HI Sam,

medium.. but it will go low if you don’t improve yourself during and after nc.

Helen

April 4, 2017 at 7:56 pm

Hi,
what do you do if you’ve not heard a peep from him during no contact and now, a day before I’m about to break my 45 day no contact, he gets in touch. But only to ask for my bank account details so he can return some money of mine. How do I respond to this and does this mean I can’t send my first contact text because it seems odd now. The text was very to the point. “I hope you’re ok, can I have your account details if that’s alright”. We were in a long distance relationship. Please help urgently!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2017 at 3:08 pm

Hi Helen,

if it’s not really urgent.give it after 45 days.. and send a first contact text 2 days after that

Courtney

April 2, 2017 at 5:51 pm

Hi,
I need some help. My boyfriend and I weren’t together for a super long time or anything, but we both KNEW we were meant to be. It was just over 3 months of actual official dating. Most of it was long distance because I went to school 4 1/2 hours away from him in another state. But we still managed it and we NEVER got in fights or got mad at each other. He told me he loved me and he wanted forever. He asked me to believe him and said he would never leave me. Finally, I believed it. Two days later, we found out he’s going on a year long deployment to Afghanistan on a serious mission where the likelyhood of him living is minimal. He didn’t break up with me immediately because he didn’t know what to do. He said if I was any of his exes he would have ended it immediately without a second thought, but because it’s me, he doesn’t know what to do. He ended up kicking me out of his house one night because I pushed and pushed for him to make a decision that night. He said he couldn’t go over there and get that Dear John letter and he couldn’t ask me to wait a year for him and put my life on hold. Since then, I’ve texted him once just saying I understood and I’d still be here a year from now when he gets back. But I’m so confused because I don’t know if I wait a year and he comes back a different man. Then he looks at me and asks my why the heck I’m still here. Then I spent a year waiting for someone who didn’t really want me. I understand he ended things BECAUSE he loves me but a lot can change in a year. I’ve promised him that even though he broke up with me, I’ll still be here when he gets back. That’s a huge promise to make, and he didn’t necessarily make the promise back so I’m not sure what to do. I know I am more than capable of waiting a year but I don’t know if it’s worth it?

Thanks,
Courtney

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2017 at 4:51 pm

Hi Courtney,

check this one:
Getting An Army, Military Or Navy Ex Boyfriend Back

Lina

March 30, 2017 at 10:32 pm

Hi. I broke up with my boyfriend of 1 year exactly 4 weeks ago. We were in a LDR with no end in sight, he treated me very well but never revealed his true feelings to me and I started to feel taken for granted and a little insecure towards the end so I ended the relationship after he refused to admit he was at fault. I immediately went into NC but he contacted me 10 days later, said he missed me terribly and begged me to come back (he is extremely proud by nature so must have needed all the courage of the world to say those words) but I stayed firm on my decision. I love him and want him back but I need him to acknowledge his mistakes and show me he can improve. He was very hurt and didn’t contact me since. I reached out to him last week ( a moment of weakness) and said I missed him. He said he hated to see me upset but that it was my decision to breakup not his. I took that as a hint to leave him alone as he has probably decided to move on. I said thank you and goodbye then went back to NC and have been since having a lot of fun, going out with friends and posting pics on social media (he liked some). I am not sure what to do next. Shall I go NC for 30 days? Will he reach out to me? We had an incredible chemistry and I know he will find it hard to replace me but he is very stubborn. I think I can move on but I want to give him another chance as we are compatible and have the potential to be really happy together but he needs to make an effort. I need to mention I have broken up with him before very early on but I ended up making the first move and taking him back so he is probably thinking I will do the same thing except I won’t. Any advice will be much appreciated.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 31, 2017 at 9:03 pm

Hi lina,

yes, do 30 days and then after, just be friendly.Build rapport and attraction slowly. Dont ask to get back together.

Jasmina

March 24, 2017 at 3:15 pm

Hi, me and my boyfriend broke up about 4 months ago after a 2 year relationship, when we broke up we kept seeing each other and it wasn’t like it was properly over and then we had a huge argument on his birthday and I started the NC it got to a week and 2 days and said he wanted to talk but then the next day just said he wanted to end things properly in person so I was being quite cold and didn’t reply to him then his actions proved he didn’t really care, I think rang him the next day begging/crying for him to meet me he seemed ok but then his friends got involved and it all got a bit messy he didn’t like what I was saying to his friends about us still seeing each other, like he wanted to keep it a secret? Anyway, he told me to leave him alone and that he’s having a great life without me and to stay away from him and it’s now got to week 3 no contact; however he started posting on social media that he was thinking and liking things saying if two people are meant to get back together they’ll find a way? But still he hasn’t said anything to me. I’ve tried to make him jealous in this time by showing him I’m out with other boys/people but still nothing. Is it worth holding out for longer and how much longer & what should I say about when I do contact him and does it sound like he wants to get back with me?
Please help!

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2017 at 11:24 am

Hi Jasmina,

if I’m only going to base it in that post, yes there is a chance but dont rush after nc.. slowly build rapport..check this for your first contact text:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

Mary

March 20, 2017 at 4:30 pm

My guy seemed to be pulling away and only sending a few texts a day (change in behavior). Then I started ignoring him because I thought he was pulling away. I thought he was rejecting me by only contacting me very little. His last text to me asked if I was OK. I replied that I am busy and he wasn’t saying much anyway so I figured why bother. Now we haven’t talked for several days. What should I do? Am I wrong?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 24, 2017 at 8:56 pm

Hi Mary,

you mean he’s still your boyfriend? Check this one:
How Do I Prevent My Boyfriend From Ending Our Relationship

Amanda

March 15, 2017 at 4:39 pm

HI. My fiancé broke up with me after 6 years. We recently got engaged. We had all sorts of plans with life and kids. He was more enthusiastic about the wedding, and actively planned it. He even wrote me an email 10 days before he ended things that had to do with invitations he found. We did not have a perfect relationship, but we had a strong bond and have been through so much together. He was there when I lost my mom and I was there when he lost both his parents. He lost both of his parents in the same year(last year). He moved out and now I am alone. I have started NC and it has been 21 days. NOTHING. He has not checked on me or texted me. We have never got this long without communication. He has not changed the status of our engagement on facebook, and likes all my friends and families posts/pics. However, he is acting out, and goes out every night and parties and makes himself seem so much happier. I’m not sure if it’s a defense mechanism to cope or what. I don’t want to believe he is doing great. That’s just not possible after being together with someone you love for 6 years. I’m afraid to reach out after NC is over because I don’t want to be rejected. I was hoping he would reach out. This whole situation is unbelievable. He said he was still in love and loved me but that didn’t matter. He is going thru a crisis and this relationship is not a priority for him. Then it turned into “our relationship is toxic, we deserve better” He is going thru something but I don’t know what to do.

amanda

March 16, 2017 at 10:17 pm

I’ve dropped off social media. I havent posted anything in three months. I wanted him to not be able to see what i’m doing to make him curious and not knowing. But should i be posting things instead?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2017 at 6:10 pm

yep.. you should..he should see your improvements
amanda

March 16, 2017 at 4:56 pm

it was a bad break up. and i did not start out with NC. i begged and i pleaded and texted all the time. I finally started NC. I’m not sure when to initiate. I dont want to do it too soon. It’s almost coming up on 30 days. I feel like i should wait longer but at the same time i get worried the more time that passes by. We were engaged and about to start a family and life together soon. 6 years together. This is a very serious relationship that i refuse to give up on. He is very stubborn, and was very angry/confused.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2017 at 7:43 pm

try to initiate aftet 45 days of nc..in the mean time,use the remaining days for yourself..
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2017 at 4:00 pm

Hi Amanda,

initiate..it would be better to be rejected than to regret not trying

Jasmine

March 12, 2017 at 5:55 pm

Hi. My ex-boyfriend and I dated for around 2 months last summer, and then had to go long distance due to him moving away for college. We both cared for each other deeply, and we had both admitted that we were in love with each other. When we had to separate at the end of the summer, he cried like a baby during our last date and handed me a hand-written love letter about why he really meant it when he said “I love you”. We had no intention of continuing our relationship after summer when we first started it, since we knew that he would eventually move away and there would be no future for us.
However, we were both so attached that we naturally found ourselves in a long-distance relationship which lasted for 3.5 months until he came back to visit in December during his Christmas break.
When he came back for 3 weeks, it felt like he never left, and we were dating as if everything went back to normal. However, when it was time for him to leave again in January, he said that he wanted to break up with me and stay friends. He said that our long-distance relationship was draining him, and that he had to figure out his life first. He said that being away from me either hurt him so much that he wanted to end it, or it caused him to fall out-of-love with me, which made him become angry at himself. We had a very emotional break up, talking about the best memories in our relationship, without any anger or resentment for each other.
We regularly (although less frequently than before) kept in touch with each other after the break-up and had weekly Skype-call sessions “as friends”. At first, I was okay with that, but recently we stopped skyping and our text conversations became much shorter and far less frequent. I was kind of annoyed when he asked me to not text him during the weekdays since it made him distracted. I realized that as he seemed to be getting better and better at moving on with his life, my past feelings for him started to emerge more and more.
He texted me last week saying that he had a very peculiar dream and asking if I wanted to Skype so that he could tell it to me. However, due to the time-zone difference, I had fallen asleep when he sent that. So I replied the next morning telling him to not forget about his dream and that he could tell it to me some other time (he was probably asleep when I sent him that). Soon after, I bumped into this website, read every possible article that was related to my case, and decided to implement a 30 day no-contact rule on him in hopes of making him miss me enough that he would be willing to get back together despite the physical distance between us.
So far, I have completed a week of no contact and have not heard from him during this period. Since we weren’t talking that frequently anyways, I doubt that he even noticed my silence yet. Should I have told him that I wanted some space before initiating the no-contact period or am I fine? What if he doesn’t even notice that I’m not contacting him or he just thinks that we just naturally grew distant over time? What if I’m too late to apply this method and what if he is already over me? The other day I saw that he shared a very happy photo on Facebook, and I had to force myself to not like it. Does no-contact even have a chance of working in my case? And what should I do once it’s over?

Jasmine

March 26, 2017 at 12:54 pm

Yes, I’ve had a very improving and fruitful NC period. So the thing is I’m approaching the end of my NC period (1-week left) and I have ignored three texts from my ex so far. In one of them he was asking how I was doing and saying that he was thinking of me, and the rest of them were just him curious why I’m not replying. Today he texted me asking why I’m ignoring him. He said he doesn’t think he has done anything bad to me and thus, he just thinks that I don’t want to talk to him anymore. That’s so far from the truth and I’m wondering if I should reply to him at this stage.
I can’t send an interesting first-contact message after ignoring all of his texts though, can I? Wouldn’t it be silly if I told him about that fascinating football experience I had the other day, after acting like he doesn’t exist for weeks? That would probably make him angry. I don’t want him to think that I’m not interested in talking to him anymore, but I don’t know how to keep the conversation upbeat and happy after acting like I don’t care about him at all. Should I just say I needed some time and apologise?
I don’t know how to initiate the talk. I’m very lost, what should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2017 at 5:58 pm

Just tell him sorry,you got really busy in the past month with a lot of new things and then a smiley at the end.. if he replies, reply and then end the convo..initiate again with a new topic after 3 days..
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2017 at 9:07 am

Hi Jasmine,

are you actively improving yourself and posting in social media?

Lenka

March 10, 2017 at 6:11 pm

Hi!
I was in a relationship that no one ever thought was going to end with a guy who seemed perfect for me and who was extremely in love with me. Everyone said how we were perfect for one another, and we both felt that way too, telling each other how lucky we feel to be together all the time.
Last year my ex and I broke up because of a gross misunderstanding (he asked me for a break, I said I don’t do breaks and that we are either together or not, he thought that I am breaking up with him).
Two months have passed (during which I thought we were on the break and I kept texting about once or twice a day and trying to call him to find out what was going on) and then I gave him an ultimatum (told him it’s the last chance he has to show me he cares) and he finally texted me back saying “of course I care, I just don’t know how to show it”, the next day he called and he acted as if we last saw each other the day before. I said something like “so I hope this stupid break is over ’cause I can’t wait another two months” and he just didn’t know what to reply, and then said he has to go and hung up.
A few days later I see on Facebook that he is in a relationship with someone else (our common friends told me a bunch of times how she is way beneath me: they say she has an ugly face, no boobs, not very smart, not very funny, not very nice etc). I start sending angry texts, asking him if he cheated on me and all that and he replies saying that he thought I broke up with him 2 months before and that he is sorry, that he didn’t cheat, that he didn’t leave me for her or ask for a break for her, that he started dating her about 2-3 weeks after we “broke up” (so while I was inviting him to go see a movie with me on my bday he was with her) and so on.
I went to collect my things from him and all he could say was that he is sorry and how he never meant to hurt me and how he doesn’t deserve me (his words were that I am too smart, to beautiful, to kind, to nice, too attentive, too understanding, etc) and how he is the problem not me etc. he even had tears in his eyes. He said we’d meet and talk and that he’d answer all my questions (I told him I need some questions answered so I can get closure and move on) and then he blocked my number and stopped replying on facebook or text or anything.
I left him a letter (a week later) where I told him everything I thought and felt and where I told our story from my perspective and where I asked him to just give me an answer, and after he gives me the answer he doesn’t have to hear from me ever again if he doesn’t want to. I didn’t get my answer to this day (I left the letter on the 22nd of November).
I saw on facebook that she threw him a bday party, that they went on trips together, but they don’t seem in love to me… I might be wrong, but that’s the impression I get.
We talked a few times on the phone (on his birthday, after his birthday, before christmas, in january, on the second of february) every time we talked for at least half an hour and he seemed genuinely happy to talk with me and kept saying how he wants us to hang out and keep in touch, we even met before christmas (I went to his place) and he said he wanted to spend new-years with me, but ended up going somewhere else with his new girlfriend.
Then, on the 5th of February I last talked to him, it was a short, relaxed, funny conversation on facebook. I stopped any contact until the 8th of March (he didn’t contact me in the meantime, but I saw that he checked my old messages on whatsapp and on facebook), and I was careful to post lots of checkins and pictures of all the trips I went on, of when I hung out with people or did interesting things, when I received flowers, a few full-body pictures where you can see that I lost weight and changes my hair etc, basically to let him know I am happy and having fun.
I heard he’s been asking about me, but hasn’t contacted me personally, and even stopped talking to our common friends, even though when one friend called him the other day he answered.

Of course, this comment is 6 months in a nutshell, but my question is this:
I completed the NC period and sent him a message on day one, 2 messages on day 2 (and a picture) and 2 messages today (day 3) he hasn’t replied or got inside the messages on whatsapp, but I’ve noticed that since I sent them he is online on whatsapp much more often. Should I keep sending him texts/memes/pictures etc? should I go back into NCP again? How should I proceed?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2017 at 4:18 pm

Hi Lenka,

if he didn’t reply for 3 times, then it usually means it’s better to move on but you sent it in 3 consecutive days, so rest for a week or two before trying again..If he still doesn’t reply, that means it’s better to move on..

Sarah

March 9, 2017 at 11:41 pm

Hey, so I broke up with my BF of 2.5 years two months ago. I felt like our relationship became distant (I started school, he started a big work project). Things were very stressful and we disconnected (me and him also have different values on religion). Apart from the disconnection, we had a very loving, giving relationship. After the breakup, I felt like I got some clarity I needed and felt like we should try to make things work since we both love each other deeply. I felt sad that I hurt him, and selfish because I felt like I should of tried to talk things out opposed to breaking up. I also started to realize that our disconnection was due to me not being honest with my feelings (saying things were ok when deep down I knew they weren’t). The time has really helped me grow and look at myself and what I bring to a relationship in general. Anyways, I contacted him 2 weeks after the break up, saying that I want to try and work things out, we argued a little and I let it be because he wanted space. Well….I didn’t listen the first time and reached out to him 2 more times because I felt like we truly just needed to talk things out. He ended the conversation with I want to be single right now to figure out where my life is, he needed space, I was the best woman he has ever know, I deserve to be happy more then anyone he’s ever known, He is sorry this is wishy washy, He feels like he just doesn’t know where his head is at, that he still loves me but he feels mentally “not there right now”, that he is an idiot (for a while in our relationship I would say he didn’t feel up to standard due to self esteem issues). So it’s been a little over 3 weeks since I talked to him (I want to respect his space because I did hurt him), but I just don’t know if I should let this go or contact him at the end of 30 days because he told me himself he wanted space. I’m very confused because we love each other so what gives? Am I just being to selfish to trying to press things further and does he truly need space? Or is he saying this because he is hurt and doesn’t want to make things work? Very Confused. Thanks guys.
-sarah

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2017 at 7:53 am

Hi Sarah,

He’s probably hurt..if those 3 weeks was not focused in improving yourself, you have to restart the count.. and then after that slowly rebuild rapport..

Mimily

March 9, 2017 at 9:47 am

50 days of NC and no news from him… nothing!
Should i really bother contacting him?
If yes, what should i say then?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 12, 2017 at 11:11 am

Hi Mimily,

How much did you improve and were you active in posting in social media? If you want to initiate, you can. Check this:
Handling The First Time You Talk To Your Ex After The No Contact Rule (Live Coaching Session)

Bry

March 8, 2017 at 4:13 pm

Hi,
My boyfriend broke up with me Wednesday, then decided to give me a chance. He broke things off because he was sick of arguing and the name calling from me. On Sunday he didn’t think he could be the same because he was scared of it happening again so he broke up officially with me (which I saw coming) He was crying more than I was and said I was his dream girl. He then cried and made a weird noise and we both started laughing. He texted me the next day because he is supposed to sell me a car and help me out, but I told him I need to wait awhile. I didn’t respond to one of his last texts(that didn’t really need a reply to) and am now on day 2 of NC. I wish I could read men. Any helpful tips or hopeful comments?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 12, 2017 at 9:05 am

Hi Bry,

it’s ok to talk to him about the car but it would be better if you continue to talk about that after nc. That’s good that you told him you need to wait a while. For now, stick to no contact and be active in improving yourself. I think you have good chance of getting back together.

Alicia

March 7, 2017 at 3:10 pm

I’ve been friends with benefits with a guy for a year and a half, but recently wanted a relationship and he did to. He said he loved me. But then he started ignoring me. When I questioned him about it, he said i Was annoying him too much and what we had was over. I looked really desperate by calling and texting him without any response and finally he said we could be friends again if I would just stop. Would the no contact rule help at all in my situation?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2017 at 10:59 am

Hi alicia,

It’s not a guarantee..it can only help increase your chances..but it’s better to do it than go back to being fwb

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