By Chris Seiter

Published on October 14th, 2021

If you want to learn the exact ways in which you can make your ex think about you constantly then you came to the right place.

One of the advantages that we have on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is we’ve been blessed with thousands of success stories. Recently, we went to those very same success stories and asked them one simple question.

What were some of the tips that you implemented to make your ex think about you more? Here’s what they had to say.

  1. Use A No Contact Rule
  2. Adopt A Holy Trinity Social Media Strategy
  3. Implement The Zeigarnik Effect
  4. Go On Dates With Other People
  5. Show Them They Aren’t The Center Of Your World Anymore
  6. Infiltrate Their Sphere Of Influence
  7. Empathize With Them Through Attachment Styles
  8. Stick To The Progression Of The Value Ladder

Let’s begin by dissecting each.

Tip #1: Use A No Contact Rule

It goes without saying that the no contact rule is one of our most successful tactics at making an ex think about you more.

Now, while I’ve been on record stating multiple times that the point of no contact shouldn’t be to make your ex miss you. Instead, it should be to outgrow your ex.

Even I will admit that the no contact rule in and of itself is designed to give you the maximum chance for an ex to miss you.

Not only does it incorporate reverse psychology but it also incorporates a psychological technique known as reactance.

Reactance: When a human being has a behavioral freedom that becomes threatened they will react in a way to try to get that freedom back.

In other words, when you implement the no contact rule on your ex you trigger this reactance factor.

Of course, that doesn’t mean your ex will be nice about reaching out to you. Many of them tend to throw tantrums because you aren’t responding when they want you to.

Nevertheless, it will make them think about you more.

Tip #2: Adopt A Holy Trinity Social Media Strategy

If you aren’t familiar with our holy trinity concept then this would be a great time for you to take a quick crash course.

Essentially if you divide your life up into three distinct categories those categories would probably be,

  1. Health
  2. Wealth
  3. Relationships

Now, there’s an interesting synergistic principle at play between these three categories in that your relationships category is probably in shambles right now.

That’s ok.

Because by focusing on health and wealth you can actually repair it.

I know it’s a lot to take on faith but let’s look at a clever way you can do this while making your ex think about you more.

If you haven’t read my complete guide on how to handle a breakup on social media I would definitely start there.

One of the things we know from research is that theres a close to 90% chance your ex will be spying on you on social media. So, by simply being on social media it’s enough that your ex is thinking about you.

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But the challenge for most of our clients is what to post on social media.

Well, you want to post holy trinity based things.

When we talk to clients we tend to give them a five category rule.

  • Day One: Post something health related
  • Day Two: Post something wealth related
  • Day Three: Post something relationships related (outside of your ex.)
  • Day Four: Post something magnum opus related
  • Day Five: Post whatever you want.

Then you simply rinse and repeat.

Now, I’ve talked a lot about the magnum opus concept and what that is here.

What you tend to notice happens here is the mere fact that you aren’t sobbing in the corner over the breakup but rather look like you’re doing amazing things is enough to make your ex think about you more.

Tip #3: Implement The Zeigarnik Effect

The zeigarnik effect may very well be the most popular strategy for making your ex think about you more.

Here’s how it works.

Operate with the following assumption. People will remember interrupted or incomplete tasks better than complete ones.

A few weeks ago I ran a fun little test on my Instagram page.

Five things are happening in your house at the same time how would you handle them one by one.

  1. The telephone is ringing
  2. The baby is crying
  3. Someone is knocking or calling you from your front door
  4. You hung clothes out to dry and it begins to rain
  5. You left the tap on in the kitchen and it is beginning to overflow

Each one of these is an example of the zeigarnik effect in action.

Each one is a task that is incomplete.

The telephone ringing… it won’t be solved until it stops ringing somehow. 

The baby crying… you need to soothe that baby.

Someone at your front door knocking… who could it be? 

The clothes you hung out to dry are getting wet… take them down. 

The tap was left on… oh my goodness what if the house floods? 

As you can see incomplete or interrupted tasks cause human beings to obsess but how can we use that to our advantage to make our exes think about us more?

Well, that’s where having a really good knack of picking up on the wavelengths of conversations come into play.

Imagine for a moment that you were able to identify the high point of a conversation with your ex every time you talked. The absolute moment of bliss in the conversation and rather than continuing that conversation you immediately end it.

It’s a scary step to take but what if I were to tell you that by doing this you make your ex think about even more.

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Exit conversations or dates a bit prematurely and you trigger the zeigarnik effect and your ex thinks about you even more.

Tip #4: Go On Dates With Other People

When interviewing success stories and trying to determine what they were doing that was working I began to notice a fascinating trend.

A lot of our success stories ended up going on dates with people outside of their exes.

Now, we’ve talked a lot about this in regards to jealousy but why is this working from an obsession standpoint.

Well, there are a couple of things going on here.

Firstly, the mere fact that you are going on another date with another person signals to your ex that you won’t be waiting around forever. After every breakup where you are the dumpee you’ll find that the dumper always has this thought that you’re waiting around for them.

So, when you do something that signals that you aren’t and that you are moving on it forces them to confront the fact that they could lose you forever.

But then you add in what we know about the avoidant attachment style and breakups and it paints an interesting picture.

Those with an avoidant attachment style tend not to “miss” their exes until they feel safe enough to do so and the only way they feel safe enough to do so is when that ex projects that they are moving on.

Want to know the best way to do that?

You actually “move on.”

It sounds counterintuitive but it does really work to make them think about you more.

Tip #5: Show Them They Aren’t The Center Of Your World Anymore

Do you know how scientists think our moon was formed?

Millions of years ago they think another planet collided with our own and the resulting debris formed the moon.

What better analogy is there than that to highlight the dangers of not being the center of your own world.

If you choose to collide with your exes world oftentimes what happens is they gobble you up and pretty soon your entire existence revolves around them.

Recently I did an interview with Antia Boyd, renowned attachment expert,

Where we talked about the dangers of not becoming the center of your own universe. Her analogy might even be better than my planet one.

Imagine that your time is a cake.

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You get 30% of your time focused on your life but you spend 70% of the time focused on your exes life.

Seems a bit uneven, right?

Those values should be flipped.

What often happens in relationships, especially with avoidant exes, is they get into a relationship with someone who doesn’t have their own life and it turns them off.

Sound familiar?

As a joke yesterday I noticed our very own Coach Anna was conducting a facebook live in our facebook group. The way it works is she always allows time for people to submit questions so I submitted one.

What can I say, that’s my humor.

But she responded to it playing along and her answer was so good that I decided to screenshot it because it perfectly encapsulates the biggest problem we see among clients.

I asked her, what is the single most important factor for succeeding after a breakup.

Her response; Relentlessly loving yourself

Making yourself the center of your own world is quite literally about relentlessly loving yourself.

Tip #6: Infiltrate There Sphere Of Influence

Perhaps one of the most undervalued aspects of “making an ex think about you more” is the power of the sphere of influence.

If you aren’t familiar the sphere of influence is the people whose opinions your ex cares about.

Usually this includes but is not limited to;

  • Friends
  • Family
  • You get the idea

For the purposes of illustrating this tip let’s just talk about good friends.

Let’s say that you had a great relationship with your exes friends.

You loved them and they loved you.

Believe it or not they can act as little soldiers for your cause.

Imagine how annoying it would be to break up with you and then get constantly questioned about it by the people who are supposed to be your friends.

It’s almost like they can’t get away from reminders about you because they are constantly surrounded by them.

Tip #7: Empathize With Them Through Attachment Styles

We’ve already alluded to attachment styles a lot throughout this article.

I’ve even pointed you towards my ultimate guide breaking them down.

It’s incredibly important for you to learn what your attachment styles are as well as taking your best guess at what your exes are.

Essentially there are four main categories for attachment styles.

The Secure Attachment

You are considered to have a secure attachment style if you are comfortable with intimacy; you’re not worried about rejection; and you are confident that your significant other wants to be in the relationship.

The Anxious Attachment

You’re considered to have an anxious attachment style if you have a greater need for intimacy and closeness. Someone with this style requires frequent reassurance of their partner’s love and commitment to the relationship.

The Avoidant Attachment

Those with an avoidant attachment style are extremely independent, self-directed, and often uncomfortable with intimacy. They’re basically commitment-phobes and experts at rationalizing their way out of any intimate situation.

The Fearful Attachment

Think of these folks as people who take the worst traits of the anxious attachment style and the avoidant style and flip flop between them throughout their lives. These types of people are so rare that only 7% of the population has this.

Our internal research has indicated that most of our clients have anxious attachment tendencies and their partners have avoidant tendencies. I point this out not to be obvious but rather to show you that if you want to have a chance at making them think about you more you need to speak their language.

The same way there are five love languages there is also a specific way to approach each individual attachment style.

Tip #8: Stick To The Progression Of The Value Ladder

The closest thing we have to an actual game plan in a crash course form would be the value ladder.

The theory behind it is simple. You use different methods of communication to slowly build value up so your ex thinks about you more and therefore can fall back in love with you.

Yet, what we tend to find is that our clients are so eager for results they skip to the end of the ladder.

Imagine you do a no contact rule which means you’ve spent anywhere between 21 – 45 days not talking to your ex.

While it’s true that this alone can make them think about you more it can also make you think about them more. Sometimes by the time you’re ready to start that texting phases of the value ladder you simply want to go to the meetup stage.

You need to see your ex in person.

The problem is that the value ladder is designed in a way to slowly increase your value over time so that by the time they meet up with you in person they’ve thought about you so much they can’t help but want to ask for you back.

I’m being very basic here.

After all, very rarely do things go as smoothly as in my analogy above but you get the idea.

Stick to the progression.

We’ve spent over 10 years designing it and perfecting it.

It’s here for a reason.

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7 thoughts on “Ways To Make Your Ex Think About You”

  1. Kim

    September 6, 2023 at 3:06 pm

    Hi Chris, my name is Kim and I Purchased your program. The problem is now that the new contact phase is over. I have tried reaching out first via messenger on Facebook no response he didn’t even open it. Then I did it a week later still hasn’t opened it so my guess is that he has a restricted me on messenger and possibly Facebook. I do not want to ask a mutual friend to check his page to see if he has restrictive me because that would look desperate, right? So my question is waiting another week. Apparently I should just do text rather than messenger. I’m thinking that he is completely blocked me.

    1. Coach Shaunna

      October 21, 2023 at 10:56 am

      Hi Kim, I would suggest that you reach out by text rather than messenger if he is not opening the message.

  2. Jessica Guilfoyle

    December 2, 2021 at 7:19 pm

    Soo what happens wen we get past day 45 on the NC rule and we have heard nothing…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 13, 2021 at 8:24 pm

      Then you start your texting phase, I would suggest that you make sure that you read more articles and watch videos before reaching out so that you understand the program better.

  3. CG

    November 17, 2021 at 3:07 am

    Your advice is to actually move on to get them to miss you, but if you actually move on, you don’t care anymore. That’s what it means to move on. Or do you mean people should pretend to move on? I’m confused by the logic.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 17, 2021 at 10:20 pm

      Your goal is to be happy with or without them in your life. When you reach this point it is when you are at your most advantage as you know if they do not come back after following the program that it is THEIR loss not yours. Work through the articles that apply to your situation and be sure that you are working on yourself during your No Contact period.

  4. Ahmed

    October 16, 2021 at 5:02 am

    Good post for relationship