By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 2nd, 2021

I know I’m stating the obvious here, but breakups hurt!

They hurt a hell of a lot. In the direct aftermath of a breakup, you will go through many stages. In fact, you probably already have experienced several.  And if your particular situation involved an ex boyfriend who hurt you over and over again, then you will be looking for ways to forget him and put that pain behind you.

So how do you forget a guy who hurt your deeply?  How do you forget your ex boyfriend who dumped you.

How do you go about forgetting a guy who cheated on you.  What about forgetting an ex boyfriend that has moved on yet once again, telling you it isn’t working for him.

The simple answer:

Forgetting your ex boyfriend is about remembering who you are and fighting to get yourself back through an ex recovery program.

I know it can be especially hard on you if this relationship seemed to have a lot of potential. How to forget a boyfriend after a breakup is never meant to be easy and part of that is because you will undoubtedly have conflicted feelings.

Part of you will feel crushed at the cruelty of the experience, thinking to yourself what could you have done to make him reject and treat you like this.  Yet another part of you will find it difficult to even imagine how you will ever forget someone completely that you still love.

Love can pull you together and tear you apart.  But there is a way to put your misery behind you.

Are You Ready To Put His Memory Behind You?

Once a breakup has begun, you may find yourself trapped within feelings.

One part of you is missing your ex boyfriend.  Another part of you can’t get over the fact that your ex boyfriend just did it to you again, turning you away or doing something that completely erodes your trust in him.

Still another part of you wants nothing more than to stop thinking about your ex boyfriend.  This part of you is more than ready to put him in the rear view mirror because when someone hurts you over and over, he isn’t worth it.

That could be the angry part inside you wanting to lash out.  But it may also be the voice that speaks the truth as well.

Somehow you have to cope with all these feelings, parse through them and come out the other side intact  It’s not easy, but it is very doable.

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 7 Ways To Forget Someone Who Hurt You Deeply

Hi, my name is Rachel and Chris asked me to share my feelings and he would include them in this post about forgetting an ex who has broken your heart.

In each of my breakups, the hardest thing for me was losing my best friend. My boyfriend always became a part of my inner circle. He was the first person I would go to when something happened in my life, good or bad. I got used to talking to him on a daily basis. Losing that connection was hard.

So what do you do when someone like your boyfriend hurts you emotionally?

How do you react when someone hurts you and he doesn’t seem to care all that much?

Is it possible to forget someone completely?  Even if you can’t get over him after a month, 1 year, or even 5 years.

1. Learn That You Don’t Need Him

In season 2 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “something bad” happens and Angel, Buffy’s boyfriend, turns evil. I’m saving you from spoilers here when I say “something bad.” Buffy and Willow talk about the breakup and loss of the Angel they know and love. Buffy says:

“It’s so weird…Every time something like this happens, my first instinct is still to run to Angel. I can’t believe it’s the same person. He’s completely different from the guy that I knew.” – Buffy, “Passion”

And it’s true. The most painful thing about a breakup is that the one person you used to run to when you were hurting is the person who hurt you. This makes the feelings of missing them even stronger.

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But as it turns out, Buffy is strong.  She is the Ungettable Girl.  She learned that she really didn’t need her ex boyfriend because in reality, he was holding her back.  And she discovered she was holding herself back.

That’s right.  If your whole life and sense of meaning revolves around one person, then your life is incomplete.

There is no such thing as the perfect boyfriend.  And that certainly is the case if he ends up disappointing you over and over again.  Yes, forgetting him is hard to do because of the brain chemicals that have conspired against you (more on that later).

In a sense you are addicted to him.

But knowing this empowers you.  Knowing that these feelings have a half life and will soon disappear all together as you get busy doing those things that will fill you with a greater sense of balance.

And as you embrace new activities and new challenges, you will learn that forgetting your ex boyfriend happens naturally over time. No, he won’t disappear from your mind completely, but you will learn that what is important is who you really are inside and what you deserve.

2.  Embrace the Principle of No Contact If You Wish To Loosen The Grip Your Ex Has On You

If you want to forget all the bad stuff your ex boyfriend did to you, then you need to avoid contact with him. This is where using the No Contact Rule can make such a huge difference in your life. It affords you an opportunity to heal and get committed to putting an end to communications with your ex.

I won’t mislead you.  There will be a part of you that is conditioned to want to talk with him. I see so many people in our EBR Facebook Group cave on a frequent basis and break No Contact because they miss their ex. When their withdrawal gets to be unbearable, they give in and contact their ex and it usually goes nowhere because it was too soon.

So, how do Ex Recovery Pros handle missing your ex boyfriend?

Well, it helps to have support.  Pick up a copy of my ebook, “The No Contact Rulebook” to help you with how to cut the emotional ties you have with him.  Or join my Private Facebook Support Group to get endless advice and support from others who are going through what you are experiencing.

3. Understand Why You Can’t Focus On Anything Other Than Your Ex Boyfriend

Missing your ex is actually a chemical reaction in your brain. Even though it is normal, it can be overwhelming.

In my case, it felt like I would die from the pain of the heartbreak.

It feels that way… but you won’t. I just want you to know that I’ve been where you are now and I understand.

You will come back stronger and more confident than ever. Let the fact that I am here, writing this article and content with my life, serve as proof that you can do this.

Yes, someday you will view this part of life as a hiccup.

Knowing that this is a normal feeling  may be of little solace now, as I know your emotions feel anything BUT normal. But, that doesn’t make it any less true.

Everyone wants to be wanted and so letting go of those emotional ties with your ex boyfriend can be tough. But forget him you must if you wish to move forward with your life.  Now of course, you will never forget him completely.  That is impossible.  But his pull on you will lessen when you realize much of what he offered you was not positive.

After all, the guy we are talking about is the one who hurt you repeatedly, right?

Forgetting Your Ex Can Be Made More Difficult By Your Brain Chemistry

Let me clarify. It feels good to have someone in your life, but not at the expense of your emotional health, particularly if you don’t see a future with that person.

Even if you know this breakup was the right thing to do or you were the one to break up with him, it is normal to question your decision.

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 “Maybe I made a mistake. Perhaps my ex boyfriend is not as horrible as I thought.”

It can be a real hit to the ego whether you instigated the breakup or not. It is natural to look for acceptance and validation from the person. Not getting the response you expected can leave you can feel rejected.

So this tendency to get pulled back in makes it difficult to forget your ex and break out of the negative breakup cycle where you separate…..then get back together gain….then he hurts you again leading you to breakup once more.  All the time you are wondering in the back of your mind did I do something to make my ex boyfriend break up with me.

In fact, there is a common pick up artist technique called “negging” that uses this technique to make the target woman seek validation from the man doing the negging. Essentially, it is the art of giving backhanded compliments to force the person to seek your approval.

In the postion you are in now, you might feel overwhelmed by your emotions. It is helpful to remind yourself what causes those emotions, the science of the brain, if you will.

Neurotransmitters cause you to crave anything that makes you feel good. That’s what causes you to go through withdrawals from your ex.

At the very least, know that you are not alone. We all face that same problem. This too shall pass.

4. Stop Thinking Your Ex Boyfriend Is Special – He Probably Isn’t

During a breakup, we all tend to idealize our relationship and see things through rose-colored glasses. We look back and focus on all the good memories – the trips, the gifts, the laughter… the sex. Those negative memories don’t seem so big since you don’t really miss those moments – the fighting, name-calling, and nights you went to bed alone and crying.

It is important to maintain a healthy perspective of your relationship. I know it is impossible to be unbiased, but you have to do try and look at both the pros and cons.

This is a component of No Contact that many people overlook because they are so obsessed with the end goal of getting their ex back. If more people took the time to evaluate their relationship from a logical standpoint, they could save themselves some time and grief later. Not to mention they would be MUCH more likely to be successful in getting their ex back.

One of the best ways to do this is to write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal

If you’ve read any of my other articles on EBR, you know I’m a huge advocate of keeping a journal.  It can help you get past any delusions you have about how your ex boyfriend was such a wonderful man.  Maybe he is not even close to measuring up.


5. If Somebody Is Hurting You Over and Again Then Make a List To Remind Yourself He Is Not The One

You could also do a pros/cons list to square up the facts.

If you are overwhelmed with feelings of missing your ex boyfriend, I recommend sticking to a list of all the negative aspects of the relationship.

  • Remember that time he forgot your birthday?
  • How he used to cut his toenails on the carpet and never cleaned up after?
  • How about how he always complained when the two of you made plans to have dinner with your parents?
  • How he told you once he didn’t want to have kids with you?
  • How he never says he loves you first
  • What about that time you caught him in a big lie about his whereabouts

Once you do this you will see that those glasses become a lot less rosy.

Of course, because your ex did or said some bad or unkind things does not mean that he is a bad guy.

But when you are so enamored with all your positive memories, it is good to focus a bit more on the some of his behaviors you may be pushing back from your recollection. This can give yourself a much-needed reality check.

OK…I have a quick tip for you if you are seeking to temporarily erase your man from your conscious thoughts.

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If you are fighting the urge to reach out to your ex during No Contact, I suggest taking measures to maintain control. I’d lock my phone in a drawer in my desk during work hours to make it more difficult to get to.

This also made me super productive at work.

One of my good friends in the EBR Facebook Group would get home from work and throw her phone behind her couch so it would be more difficult to get to.

Overall, though, the best thing you can do to keep yourself from missing your ex is to refocus your energy on something else – yourself.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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6. How to Refocus On Something More Productive

By this point, I imagine you’ve perused the EBR site a bit and have gotten a sense of the most important steps of the EBR process.

If not, you should when you finish this article.

We have plenty of material to help you get through this difficult time.

Now while you are in your No Contact period, I want to remind you that is not just about making him miss you or putting him out of sight and out of mind.

No Contact is also vital to your recovery process. This time acts allows your ex to feel the full repercussions of your breakup. Men tend to make the decision to end a relationship a lot faster than women do, so you have to make him FEEL your absence, that is if you care to get him back.

But more importantly, No Contact acts as a reset for you.

It is a time to recover from the pain of the breakup and begin to build a new happy life for yourself so that you flourish with or without your ex.

When I went through my last breakup, I created a note on my phone titled “what to do when you miss him.” Under the title, I listed about 20 things: I put things on the list that always make me happy, I wanted to make a habit, improve, learn, try:

  • Singing
  • Watching Buffy
  • Reading
  • Hanging out with friends
  •  Cooking
  • Yoga
  • Exercise
  • Pole dancing
  • Aerial silks
  • Learning tarot
  • etc.

Anytime I started to miss my ex, I threw myself into one of these things. One day, I baked 3 dozen cookies while binge-watching “The Handmaid’s Tale.”

On another day,  I went for a jog, and read outside for an hour afterwords. I signed up for classes with friends and adopted a “yes, I’ll try anything” attitude… within reason.

As I was doing all this, an amazing thing happened.  I started to forget him.  He was not on my mind as much. And I began to miss my ex less and less when he did come to mind.

Most importantly, I began to value my self-care more. Within 6 weeks of the breakup, I knew I was going to be okay.

Instead of dreading the days ahead, I looked forward to them.

Ex or no ex, I was happy with the life I was creating for myself, and that was enough.

7. Use This New Focus to Your Advantage

So what do you do with this new “you”.

Well, if you’ve done No Contact and have put the focus back where it needs to be… on yourself, you should have a newfound sense of confidence and happiness. This will become clear to everyone around you, including new men you might wish to learn more about. I am going to assume you have had enough of your ex and he is no longer on your radar.

My friends mentioned to me that they hadn’t seen me so happy in years, which was a clear indicator that I was in a relationship that didn’t make me happy to begin with.

When you’ve worked this hard for yourself, there is something about that confidence that shines through and attracts other people to you.

Now be prepared for your ex boyfriend to try and re-enter your life.  Pinch yourself if that happens because you sure don’t want to go down the same old rabbit hole chasing an old boyfriend who hurt you way too many times.

You need to stop him in his tracks, making  it clear to him that your world didn’t stop turning when he walked out of your life.

AND, if you were utilizing social media, like we suggest, your ex will already have an idea that you have have been creating an awesome life for yourself. He may even wonder if you are making all of these changes for another guy.

Hey that is good, because if you don’t want him taking you back to a miserable cycle of breakups, then the sooner he sees that you are moving away from him emotionally, the sooner he will give up the hunt.

But be forewarned, guys like to chase so he won’t necessarily make it easy for you to forget him.  No matter how many times he has caused you pain  or no matter how often he screwed up the relationship, some men know no shame and will try to pull you in again, playing on your vulnerabilities.

You know what to say to him.  That’s right.  Say nothing.  He is a ghost to you.

Basically what I’m saying is that the absolute BEST thing you can do is to refocus your energy on something that is productive and self-serving. At the end of the day, you need to be your first priority.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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If You Do Want Him Back Then Use Emotional Control While Building Rapport

As much as I wish this wasn’t true, it’s not all downhill after No Contact. You have to keep putting in effort.

The Ex Recovery Process is hard, and a bit of an emotional roller coaster. You will likely continue to miss your ex, even once the two of you are back in contact and building rapport.

The dynamic between the two of you will be new, and you will likely miss what the two of you used to have. Those crazy emotional surges will continue to happen.

Many people say No Contact is the hardest part of the EBR process. For me it was what came after that was the most difficult.

Maintain emotional control when interacting with your ex boyfriend can be incredibly taxing.  You shouldn’t be rushing right back into how things were before.

If you had been hurt by this man and he is a repeat offender, then you need to understand the importance of throttling back your emotions.

You can’t lose it if your ex boyfriend is stupid enough to talk to you about his dating life or a new girlfriend. He will be gauging your reaction, testing you and so the best thing to do is to not give him one.

You cannot fly off the handle and lose your emotional cool.

Some tips for this:

  • The beauty of texts is that you have time to think through your response. Before you send something you may regret, think through it a couple times, and check in with yourself to confirm you are in the right mindset.
  • If you are part of the Facebook Group, get their opinion about your tactics. This will help lengthen your response time too, which will have him thinking you have something more interesting than him going on.
  • If you are out and something happens that upsets you, you can excuse yourself to the restroom to give yourself time to gain your composure. Then when you exit, redirect the conversation.
  • Have a couple alternate topics ready in your back pocket in case a topic comes up that you know could rile you up.
  • Before you text or say something that you know is coming from a place of pure emotion, think about how it will impact the big picture? Will this matter in the long run if I say it? Is there a possibility that you aren’t ready for his answer? Chances are, if it is an emotional topic for you, you shouldn’t bring it up.
  • In the early going, avoid relationship talk.  Just focus on fun talk. Don’t try to figure out the past and square everything with each other. It’s likely you would never be able to agree and most assuredly you will peel back old wounds with your ex boyfriend.
  • I cannot express how helpful it is to journal. It is a good emotional outlet so you don’t do or say something you could regret that will impede your EBR journey.

The Take Away To Forgetting Your Ex –  It’s a Return to Becoming You Again

As I have said, I know all too well the anguish that comes with a breakup and how much you miss your ex, but at the same time need to forget him, putting your boyfriend behind you.

If you take nothing else away from this article, you should know these things

  • It is normal to feel this way and it will pass in time.
  • Logical thinking , new routines and increasing your social circle are good moves during this time.
  • Learn to love yourself, date yourself, and put yourself first.
  • Redirect the energy yolu are putting into missing your ex towards something that will improve your life regardless of whether you get him back or not. You’ll be surprised at how much you discover about yourself in the process.
  • Although focusing on yourself may feel counterintuitive, it will help peak your ex’s interest and essentially help bring him back to you.
  • Maintaining control of your emotions requires thinking about how your actions or words will be received by the other person and preparing yourself for any possible response.

Now that you have this information, lets have a conversation in the comments below about your breakup. Lay out the situation and our experts will help you determine what your best next action should be and how you should apply the EBR Process for Optimal results.

Also, ask about the Facebook Group. It functions as a support group when you are struggling with missing your ex and grants you access to  some of the best one-on-one advice you could possibly get from the Ex Recovery Team.

(Note:  This post was re-written by the website owner and Relationship Coach expert, Chris Seiter on June 12, 2018.  Rachel Dalton previously contributed some of the original content.)

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47 thoughts on “Ways To Forget Your Ex Boyfriend Who Hurt You Over and Over”

  1. M

    March 28, 2023 at 5:35 pm

    He did cheat, but that wasn’t the worst. The worst betrayal was that he deliberately put me down and sabotaged me for 3 years, because he was envious of my career and thought it should have belonged to him instead.

  2. Georgia

    November 11, 2022 at 2:03 am

    I’ve been with my narc soon to be ex for about a year. Looking back going in there were so many red flags. He stood me up on my birthday & my birthday dinner. I found out many times over the course of our relationship that he has cheated & that he had a Facebook dating profile. I believe he is currently cheating on me & possibly carrying on a full blown relationship with her. Once I caught him with another woman. I didn’t physically see her but she left things behind in his room before he hid her so I could come in. He admits to some things but then will turn around and deny deny deny!!! I hate that he lives in walking distance & so does majority of his family. I’m scared that after we break up I will go to Walmart & see him with another woman. I think I would shatter in that moment. I know he is a huge narc & i want to detox from him. I just feel stuck.

    1. Coach Shaunna Nicol

      January 12, 2023 at 10:06 pm

      Hi Georgia, it is a brave and strong thing to do to walk away from a relationship like this. You need to remind yourself that you are doing what is right FOR YOU and he isn’t going to like that you left him He isn’t going to like that he is going to be portrayed as the bad guy as in his mind he is the victim. You are going to have to use your friends and family to help you to stay strong. It is going to be a lot of manipulation, guilt and gaslighting when you decide to end your relationship.

  3. Blessed

    April 23, 2022 at 7:36 am


    April 23, 2022 2:34 am

    My ex has no regard for nobody’s feelings. He has hurt me over and over again.I ignored the red flags. Ignored my intuition. I blame myself. I am so ashamed. I let this evil demon manipulate me. How could I allow this conniving person in my life. In the beginning he was so nice, so loving to me. Little did I know he had created a whole persona (a personality) illusion. The mask was slowing coming off. And that’s when the abuse slowly ever so subtlety begun. He started to push my limits and test my boundaries, to see just how much I was willing to take. While he was lying, gaslighting, cheating, and manipulating me. The last straw when he put his hands on me, screaming and yelling at me, the night before my birthday. He put his hands on me dragging to the room like I was a child. When I wouldn’t stay in the room. He put me outside at night. Tell me what kind of a man would do that to the woman he supposedly love. I can’t get over that.I tried but I can’t forget. And right now I can forgive. So please keep in prayer .

  4. Ms F

    February 13, 2022 at 3:13 pm

    My ex hurt me over and over, after our divorce I allowed him to still play a big part of my everyday life, even thought about giving him another chance. Only to find out his been chatting to women on dating apps and had a strong connection with one he met and went on dates with. He has now moved away to be closer to that lady and my heart is just shattered. Why do I allow him to do this to me over and over again? What’s the point of all this? We have a child together therefore we have to see or speak but I keep it very to the point. Why do I feel so much hate for him? I want to forget him and move pass ALL of this, I am in so much pain.

  5. Sandra

    November 25, 2021 at 9:55 pm

    My ex left me one month ago, he said he was not in love with me anymore and that he wanted to be left alone. I posted today a whatsapp status after not contacting him this whole time and he blocked me. He was such a mean person with no empathy for my feelings. He used to belittle me, invalidate me, tell me I overreacted, manipulated me… And at the end he was always the one to make me feel guilty for who I was, he said I was the one manipulating him, he gaslit me. I hate myself so much for not seeing all of this, at the beginning he was a totally different person and I feel he lied to me. He has been so cruel to me in so many ways, I can’t stand this feelings of sadness, hate and I am trying to understand why he was so mean.

  6. MoonGoddess

    November 5, 2021 at 7:00 pm

    I’m on the other end of someone going back to a toxic relationship.
    I was introduced to a guy 2 months ago and we instantly hit it off. We both had recently experienced heartbreaks and were willing to get to know each other and see what happened. I had been married almost 16yrs to an abusive man so had my guard up. This guy man me feel safe enough to open up and be vulnerable with him, to where I did things with him I never did with my ex. From the beginning, he told me he still had feelings for his ex, although they had a toxic relationship for 2yrs and she cheated on him and then left him for the guy she cheated with. We would talk for hours and hours at a time. Texting often. Vibing out to music for hours. We connected. We clicked. We spent two weekends together, where he told me he really liked me and could fall for me. Things were good. Then his ex came back around, saying she made a mistake. I started hearing from him less, although when I’d ask if it was because of her, he’d say no that he was busy. I told him on two separate occasions if he wanted to give things another try with her to let me never, he said he never would because what kind of woman is she to do that. After the last weekend together, he started ghosting me. When we finally did talk, he gave the the famous “let’s be friends talk.” The “I don’t want anything with anyone right now” talk. I was crushed because I wasn’t asking for more than he was giving me. I asked again if this was about his ex and he said “feelings came back” but he didn’t want anything with anyone. Two days later, I saw he had a picture of him and her at his place. I was devastated. I’ve been crying ever since. I had fallen for this guy and opened myself up to him, he knew how much my ex hurt me and he still went on to hurt me too. I’m in no contact with him, signed off all social media as I’m not ready to cope with all that (he’s my friend on FB and IG). I started counseling to help me deal with what I’m feeling and trying to stay busy. I completely understand that back and forth with toxic relationships, I lived it for 21yrs with my ex. It never changes. It never gets better. I’m just crushed that he lied to me about him wanting to be back with his ex. But this will make me stronger and better!

  7. Tamara

    October 4, 2021 at 12:28 pm

    Pretty much everytime my ex sees me in the street he has to make a comment. I rarely respond. Last time he said hello, asking how I was, and I completely ignored him. The time before he was determined to speak to tell me how great his life was and that he was doing all the things he’d wanted to do but hadn’t when we were together.

    After 2 months no contact at all, he messaged me out the blue. Asking me questions. No apology, he didn’t even ask how I was.

    I was starting to heal and the last 2 days since he contacted me my heads been all over the place emotionally. Sadness, feelings of rejection, remembering all the bad times, wishing he woukd change knowing he never will unless he wants to. Today I’ve cried, and feel so upset.

    Why won’t he leave me alone? I’m building a good life for myself and this has knocked me sideways.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 4, 2021 at 8:49 pm

      Hey Tamara, so if you do not want any contact from your ex then I would suggest to mute or block him. Focusing in yourself in that time. When you see him out and about, smile wave hello and keep walking. Make an excuse not to stop and talk – you have an appointment and you’re running late… You are going to feel up and down during the recovery process as you are grieving the relationship and missing the person you were once with. Your feels are completely normal and valid.

  8. Joan

    September 1, 2021 at 8:03 pm

    I was in a relationship for 16 years, we lived together for 10 years. He moved out 6 years ago and has moved house 3times. He keeps coming back and then makes no effort to address the issues. Whenever we have even a slight disagreement he breaks up with me and we go weeks without speaking. I am always the first to make contact and then he comes and then he comes back and the cycle begins again. This time I am determined not to contact him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 1, 2021 at 9:52 pm

      Hi Joan, it is really important that you break the cycle and do not reach out to him. Think of it as sending the message that you are no longer willing to wait around and put up with those things anymore.

  9. Charlotte

    July 24, 2021 at 7:36 am

    Thank you for your article, I honestly feel like my heart has been ripped out. I cannot sleep, eat nothing! It’s driving me crazy it’s all I think about. To add further salt to to wound he decided to start dating a new girl. I was with him 7 years, he was my world. Do you think a leopard ever changes his spots? I feel that she is going to get the best of him? Like I was nothing

  10. Sandhya

    June 23, 2021 at 1:42 pm

    Pl give me dtls f private fb supprt gp

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 23, 2021 at 6:43 pm

      Hey Sandhya, only people who have purchased the ERP pro.

  11. Halley Wallace

    December 3, 2020 at 1:15 am

    I am going through a break up with my ex husband, believe it or not. I am struggling with this issue more than anything j have ever encountered. We have three children together, yet, he continues to use me, take me and my children’s love, time, property, grace, and any and everything else there could possibly be for granted. Although I have the children and he doesn’t even take them out of my sight, ever, he asks me for money and never repays the debt. He lies constantly, and I was just told by multiple people who do not know eachothwr that he has been and currently is cheating on me. I am so embarrassed that I can not seem to disconnect from him that I am isolating myself, even though I know this is exactly the opposite of what I should do. Also, his patience and just attitude in general towards me is so very little… he has lost respect for me and talks terribly about me to others. Yet when he comes to my house and i see him face to face, i tell him what i am thinking and he talks me right back into opening the door, to my home and my heart, and then he proceeds to treat both like a scummy hotel room with no trash can! I have to get away. I know my children will soon if not already be negatively impacted by the toxicity of our relationship…. and I have to be as happy and healthy as i can possibly be, both for them and for me as well!! In all honesty, I sense that if I do not figure out how to be rid of him, as much as possible, it may become a life or death situation for me in some sense. Yet, here I am again…. facing the same delicate and still wrecklessly cared for situation, and I feel just as weak as I did the first time he hurt me. Please help me! What actions should I take, why and how? I am a why person. This is part of why I stayed and went back again…to understand why he was doing what he was doing to the children and to myself. At this point, however, it matters not….none at all….zero….. as to why he did it. The fact is he did, he will again, and my children and I can not stand for it any longer. I look forward to hearing from you guys! And I pray you can help me somehow to recover fully this time!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 23, 2020 at 6:10 pm

      Hi Halley, what you described is heart breaking and the only reason you need to walk away and stay away from this man if any is FOR YOUR CHIDLREN. You are taking care of them as it is, and by the sounds of things he is just a leach to your life. Remove him, change the locks. Show your children exactly what happens when you are selfish person who does not care for their family and loved ones. It may be their dad, but they need to be taught that his actions are wrong and have consequences. Your happiness matters so that you can be an amazing parent too. I always say, how would you feel if you knew a man was treating your daughter the way your ex is treating you? If you would be hurt or angry then you need to take action for yourself too!

  12. Anthea

    September 8, 2020 at 12:33 pm

    How do you get over the thought of the ex spending time with the new girlfriend? He spends time with her more than he did with me. Yes, she does a lot more things with him than I did like fishing and hunting. We have been knowing and seeing each other for about 20 years. I still love him dearly and I know he never felt the same about me. I believe he just more like cared. How do I move pass the new woman in his life? This is killing me because I long for time to spend with him.

  13. Reina Courtney

    August 26, 2020 at 8:16 pm


    I’ve gone into No Contact with my Ex for Two Years after I cut ties with him. (He is awful and mean to me.) We became friends on Facebook after three years and he never really contacted me, just watching my stories. Then during quarantine he contacted me saying he miss me. Then he would disappear again afterwards. He would do it for a couple of more weeks. Texting then disappearing. I hated that I find myself waiting and waiting. It’s not doing good for my mental health and I might be compromising on my work as I’m not performing accordingly to achieve my tasks. I am so tempted to block him again but I don’t want to do that anymore. Especially that he didn’t really say that he wants me back. He just keeps on texting me every now and then with meaningless talks. We were polite in our brief talks though. But he never asks me if I’m in a relationship. I never ask him as well. I don’t want to be stuck in this viscous cycle. I did ask him if there’s something that he wants to say. He says no. He just wanted to say hi. BUT FOR GOODNESS sake he did this to me for four months. Only texting every two weeks and then would disappear again. Now he’s been missing for more than two weeks now. I see him still viewing my stories. I just want him to stop. I felt it unfair that I feel all these false hopes because after all these years I never really met someone to replace him. I’m still single. I don’t like that he still have this power over me. I am losing my mind just thinking about it and I could be losing my job too.

  14. Angela

    August 18, 2020 at 7:12 pm

    My ex broke up with me a month ago. He is seeing someone new. He wants a woman who is submissive and obedient, you have to be ok that he flirts with women on Facebook even if you are around. He thinks you should clean his house of he takes care of you and has sex. He devalues women horribly and i stood up for myself numerous times. But in the end I was the problem. He is seeing someone else and he says she does all of the things he wants even gave him permission to sleep with someone else while she is out of town. I have blocked him from Facebook and deleted him out of my phone. Everything he says negative is about my character. And that hurts, because now I am thinking something is wrong with me. I just want to move on with me, and never have anything to do with him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 5, 2020 at 8:55 pm

      Hi Angela, think of it as a blessing that you broke up! He sounds like an awful person!

  15. Sue Minett

    August 2, 2020 at 6:59 pm

    It’s been just over a year since we split, he left me after 10 years. I was devastated even though I had wanted it to end long before that. He just recently said some more hurtful things to me, on how when we met he was in recovery and made a mistake getting in a relationship with me and I should have known better. A 10 year relationship, one year after the split and he says this now. Took away everything that I worked on myself back to devastation. Why does he want to do this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 8, 2020 at 11:32 pm

      Hey Sue, I am not sure what caused him to say this to you, but ignore him and let him be toxic on his own! You focus on your own happiness and getting over the break up

  16. Jenna Starr

    June 19, 2020 at 4:27 am

    I’ve just been told a few days ago by my boyfriend that ‘he wasn’t feeling it’… This is after I pushed him to explain why he was withdrawn (not being affectionate). I’d had a month of mixed feelings myself, after discovering a text to his ex which said “I’ll make love to you there one day” in reference to her saying how much she missed the beach during lockdown. He told me that they were just friend’s and it was a conversation that got out of hand and he was sorry I’d seen it. He also said she’d stopped talking to him after seeing a FB post and realising he was with someone. I swept in under the carpet… But felt conflicted about whether the trust issues were too much or if I could get passed it.

    When he came to collect his stuff the next day, before going to teach his boot camp class, I told him I was glad we’d had eachother during the lockdown and that when all’s said & done, I’d miss him. He replied that we still can hang out and that I can still chat to him or get together for a bottle of wine, if I’m bored….

    He texts me later to tell me the class went well and that a photo of the clock I’d given him back, saying he already put it up (he seemed offended when I gave it back… But the truth was I never liked it really and had never got around to putting it on the wall). No ‘x’ at the end of the text. He said he’d make a better mate than a bf as I wouldn’t have to worry about what he was up to. He also added that he wouldn’t have been texting his ex in the first place if his feelings for me were stronger.

    Less then 24 hours later, I see a video of the boot camp class posted on FB…. With the ex gf in it!!! And a comment from her about how much she enjoyed it. I’m sure posting this came from a place of just not caring what I would think because he’s ‘free’ now but it seems so utterly insensitive knowing I’d see it… He’s not even touched base once to c see if I’m okay… After spending the whole lockdown together and after I’d been do forgiving. There was also another post with a pic of his dinner with the caption “meal for one : )” which is another statement… It’s like having my face rubbed in it but I don’t think he’s doing it to get a rise. I just think he couldn’t care less as I have no right to be bothered anymore.

    Anyway, I’m really hurting right now and conflicted about about cutting all ties (unfriending or blocking on FB). I’m not tempted to message him atm and my friends and family say block or unfriend him, as his not even worth staying mates with and what should I care what he thinks if I do. But I don’t want to look bitter or show a reaction. I’ve unfollowed him for now and just trying to rise above it and meet it all with silence whilst I grieve… But should I just unfreind or will I regret it??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 15, 2020 at 8:11 pm

      Hi Jenna, it is up to you if you want to be done with your ex but for the mean time you need to follow a 45 day No Contact where you do not watch his social media activity at all, including the ex too. If you decide that you do not want him back in this time then you can remove him, but while you are unsure leave him on there and just let him see your posts from afar that you are doing great with yourself and not bothered about him and this OW. Then when you are done with your 45 if you want to try and get him back you then need to follow the being there method

  17. Lizzy

    May 26, 2020 at 5:01 pm

    Me and my ex boy friend were in 8 years relationship.We both met in college and that is how our love story started. I am a Christian and he is Muslim. His father died during our college times and he had to take up the whole responsibility of his family. After his dads death he was like this was never gonna end in marriage because of this religion difference.But I was with him and supported him since he was undergoing tough faces in his life.After the college, he told me like he was seeing a Muslim girl from my college. I literally got upset hearing this and we had a big conversation and finally he told me Sorry for doing this to me and he would stay with me. So this relationship continued again and often had discussions about marriage and finally it ended up in fights. Due to this religion differences he asked me to clear IELTS so that we could stay in Canada after marriage. So I was preparing for IELTS exam. He was jobless and finally he got his job in 2018 June in his own field as he desired. He was very happy and now he had a control of his family and manage financial issues. We were in distant relationship since he has his job in abroad. And again he wants to break up with me because of religion differences but I was not interested to do so. Finally he came up and told me that his mother has seen a girl for him and he would marry her. From there the problem got severe and I spoke with his mom about our 8 years relationship. She refused to accept me and my boyfriend never stood up by me to marry. He told he would loose his 26 years of respect he earned by marrying me.I couldn’t meet him in person since he was abroad.He called me again and told me that he would marry the girl whom his mother has seen for him and told me not to disturb him anymore. I was not okay with his decision since I always dreamt my whole life with him. He avoided me blocked me and I asked him to meet me once when he returned from abroad. He met me in the airport and we had the same love and I felt nothing changed. I tried to convince him to marry me but his answer was No again. After meeting me he went home for his holidays and met the girl whom his mother has seen for him. I tried reaching him and asked him to convince his mom about our relationship but he said it is not possible. On the other hand he was busy seeing and talking to her. When I finally came to know that one side he was ready to marry her and this side am asking him to convince his mom without knowing the real truth he is ready for the marriage I bursted out myself and spoke to his mom about our meeting in airport. Finally he got angry since I told his mom that we both met in airport and left me all alone. After the holidays he went for his work to abroad and so I too went to meet him in abroad. I tried contacting him in phone and asked sorry for telling his mom regarding the meet at airport. I went to his workplace to meet him and tried many times but he was not ready to meet or accept me in his life. I don’t know the religious differences and the logic he thinks that he would loose his respect by marrying me kills. Though I came all the way miles and miles away to meet him and rebound the relationship nothing has changed. I don’t know to overcome him since we had a beautiful relationship this 8 years. I still long to Be with him and marry him and live the same as we had those 8 years.

  18. Hannah

    May 8, 2020 at 8:45 am

    Me and my ex have been broken up for 7 months now. We have two children together, things seemed to be going ok on the process of getting him back and he constantly says he wants us to work and wants to come home and does talk about the future but then I feel like his not making enough effort for that to happen. He keeps putting his friends first and burying his head in work. It’s just so up and down and just don’t really know what to do anymore.

  19. Danielle

    April 28, 2020 at 8:24 pm

    What to do if ur ex moved on and was very toxic ??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 29, 2020 at 8:48 pm

      Let him go, focus on healing yourself

  20. Amy

    April 25, 2020 at 12:42 am

    I was with my ex since my senior year of high school. So about 5 years. It was all pretty much long distance and there were red flags here and there but i always ignored them. He was my first love. 2.5 years in i found out he cheated on me and that he pretty much was the whole relationship. He told me he was ready to change and so i tried again but then he cheated on me once more. THEN i allowed him back into my life after being apart for months just to find out more truths of him being unfaithful. I finally woke up and left 6 months ago but this pain I feel is dreadful. I have constant thoughts about him potentially going back and being with a girl he cheated with and treating her the ways i always wished he’d treat me. Or just seeing him be good to someone else when i gave it my all. I don’t want to be with him and want more than anything to let him go but it’s the most difficult thing i’ve dealt with in my life. I want peace more than anything because for 5 years i have been so sad and I know it’s my fault for staying but i’m trying to take every step i can to get on track. My emotions just run on a never ending rollercoaster and it has been so mentally exhausting

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