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289 thoughts on “The Things That Women Do That Can Cause Boyfriends To Lose Interest In Them”

  1. Avatar

    lacy

    April 3, 2014 at 3:13 pm

    Chris, I think I might have possibly messed something up but not sure? Here’s my story, me and my ex broke up in October, we was engaged to be married, we had broke up several times before but this was it, he said I “bitched to much and we just couldn’t get along, and I took too many things for granted” , well it was the 1st of October when we broke up, he called me over there around the end of October ( of course we had sex) after he told me that he wanted to remain friends and just start over to try to work it ought and that he loved me and missed me soo much, anyways IwEnough a couple of days after that but this time was different he was telling me it was ok to talk to other guys and so forth , I was devastated, later I found out that he got back on drugs until January he became clean … he texted me around the 1st of Feb asking how I was and it was just small talk, I seen him in passing on Feb 17th and he called me telling me he was proud of me for getting a new/nice truck and just Smalltalked for a little while, llater that night he texted me wanting me too come see him; with that being said he had a new girlfriend at this time and had one since Dec? I’m guessing; sooo I went and we talked for like hours, eventually had sex and I fought it and tried every way possible not to and he was like why are u fighting it, and told me every excuse to get me too, but before hand he said he told his friend “I love that girl probably a little too much but I just gotta get myself together” , anywho he told me he loved me before I left and I didn’t hear from him again until march 25th he tested me like he used to text me good morning beautiful and all day long I was like wow! It’s the old guy coming back and this could be real this time , we tested and he called me a few times for like 5 days, he called me that Friday when he got home from work(he works off) and asked me too hang out we talked for a while and he wound up staying the night, the same thing he tried to have sex with me and I tried to fight it , and he was like why do u do this evertime? I replied do u really want to know , he said yes and so I said bc I love u and I’m scared and he said it’s ok and I love u too, he said have I ever hurt you? I wanted to say yes 3 times but I didn’t I just said well back in October I felt used, he said and how many times did I text or call u before that? He said I knew I wanted to see u this weekend and that’s why I was messaging u during the week, he was like u worry about too much, I told him I’m just scared and that I wanted more than just this he said well we gotta start somewhere, I said do remember when we first got together and u said u didn’t want to do anything bc u didn’t think that is all I wanted and he said yea but we are wayyyy past that know, anyways that was Friday he stayed the night and he took me hunting with him all day Saturday with his boss and some friends, that day I was a little clingy by accident idk like he was driving a 4 wheeler so I held onto him the whole time and I accident ly called him babe a few times and idk I feel like maybe I wasn’t a chase maybe I said the wrong things idk but Friday he had told me ” yea the whole being just friends thing doesn’t work” …. I didn’t hear from him past Saturday , I had lost my job on Friday so I was a little upset about that and talked to him about it he was like u worry about to much another one will come along u need to learn to just chill, when he comes in he stays with random people bc he works off , he just sold his vehicle is currently looking for another one and hI’m and his father is not on speaking terms he has a lot going on but like I said I haven’t heard from him sense I tried to send a phew messages and he responded to one of them … please help

    1. Avatar

      abri

      May 16, 2014 at 3:21 pm

      it sounds like he was only using you for sex. he sounds like a big jerk. and he may have stopped the contact because he may have realized you felt used. if i were you i wouldn’t even worry about him anymore he sounds not worth it

  2. Avatar

    Jenn

    April 3, 2014 at 9:21 am

    My boyfriend recently broke up with me. His reasoning was only because of Cardinal Sin #6 – Time. We have been dating for 4 years, and in a LDR. Though I have been diagnosed with clinical depression since I was 16, he understands that I will have bad bouts of depression on certain days, and he also understands my depression is genetic. During the breakup he assured me that it was nothing that I did wrong, it was only because he lost “romantic” feelings for me.
    Since we have had feelings for each other for the past 5 years, he wanted to stay “best friends” (his words). He has been extremely cordial and friendly and initiated text conversations before I implemented NC a couple of days ago. Do my odds look good to eventually work things out when I see him next?

    1. admin

      admin

      April 4, 2014 at 5:02 pm

      Was there any greater plan to move closer together?

  3. Avatar

    EM

    March 30, 2014 at 6:59 pm

    I am a little embarrased to admit this but I have commited 7-10 of those sins. Yes, it is scary to be on the receiving end of that. I am working towards changing them. My ex has told my friends that its too crazy for him to deal with and go through again. He is a very stubborn man, I am willing to be as patient as can. Do the odds look more towards or against me? Open to anyones answers. THanks

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2014 at 9:04 pm

      Honestly… against if you commited 7 of these sins.

    2. Avatar

      Lady Bug

      April 1, 2014 at 8:07 am

      admittedly I am dealing with the worse relationship/break-up in my entire life(assuming it already is!).. been dating a married man for over 2 years, being dumped twice..

      The thing is he is the one who initiate getting back at me after 8 months of NC.. sad to say I “loved” him took him back just to be dumped again the second time.

      But now I am getting in shape, though I messed up the 1st month after our breakup since I gave him occasional calls and text.. Now I simply shut-off and decided to implement NC for like the next 10,000 years. I felt like I am going to lose sanity, my friends and family if will still want him. Its pretty hard but get through day by day.

      nice blog you got thanks! 🙂

    3. Avatar

      Beautiful_Mind

      April 5, 2014 at 5:39 am

      I’m not Chris, but it eventually gets better. I dated a separated man who reconciled with his wife, but continued seeing me. Worst mistake I made of my life and it makes you feel terrible about yourself.

      It will get better and someday you’ll meet someone who is available. As a side note, years later he is still with his wife. I’m glad I didn’t wait.

    4. admin

      admin

      April 1, 2014 at 5:10 pm

      10,000 year no contact…. good god thats a long time haha.

  4. Avatar

    cathrene

    March 28, 2014 at 3:57 am

    Hey I’m dating this guy who doesn’t have time for me… We stay near by just half n hour distance but I feel like we are in a long distance relationship… We meet once in a month.. N I’m the one who always asks him to meet.. He has made plans just once or twice in 8 months .. Sometimes he even cancels the plans I make… Out of frustration of adjusting too much I been VERY dramatic… N we have been fighting for 3 months almost every single day.. I agree he’s busy with studies, sports, n many other things… But i’v heard of things like ” people who really love someone make TIME not excuses” … So many months I was the one who wanted to break up… But from the past few days he is very adamant to break up… I realised that I too have tortured him with too many dramatic fights… N it’s obvious that he has lost interest in me… now I feel it’s all my fault… I tried my best adjusting… C’mon I miss him too… I love him so much n sacrifice so much to meet him… N he wants to break up bcoz he is fed up of the drama.. All I asked him was to meet one a week… I don’t ask him to stick around with me everyday.. I said I’ll adjust more and I’m okay with him meeting me rarely.. to make things work bcoz I don’t wanna loose him.. He is the only Guy who has liked me knowing all my issues.. Please help in whether I should let him go or mAke things work?

    1. admin

      admin

      March 28, 2014 at 4:52 pm

      If he doesn’t have time for you then he is wasting your time. Or you are wasting your time with him…

      How can he not have time for you?

  5. Avatar

    Vanessa

    March 26, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    I broke up with my boyfriend because he doesn’t have time for me. I know his busy but i still wish he cares a little. when i broke up with him, he seems cool with that and then later on posted some “i miss you” in his status. It seems pretty weird, why can’t he just say it to me. We never really talk to each other after we broke up in facebook. It’s the most heartbreaking thing ever. He didn’t even initiate the talking in person in the first place. I immediately delete his number on my phone, but i still receive messages from different numbers. He didn’t say his sorry and left me hanging after i told him not to make replies, i only did that because his not replying to any of my previous messages. Its really stupid. I even delete him in facebook cause i dont want him to think im still hoping he’d come back. He didn’t respond to it anyway. I did not wish him a happy birthday and pretended i dont care on him although my statuses reflect how affected i was. He posted his depressed, sad, everything. I didn’t respond to that and continue posting Happy status. I did all these things because of Pride, i didn’t want regrets and i didn’t want him to think i was trying hard or begging him cause i dont want to be belittled. So i let him go. He didn’t followed me. there was no closure. Anyway, DID i do the right thing CHRIS? He didn’t love me right in the first place ? So he deserve what i did to him right?

    1. admin

      admin

      March 26, 2014 at 5:49 pm

      I think you did do the right thing if he didn’t really love you. You deserve someone who loves you just as much as you love them.

    2. Avatar

      Vanessa

      March 26, 2014 at 1:34 pm

      anwyay, that was the GUY I HAVE LOVED THE MOST and I THOUGHT I COULDNT LIVE WITHOUT HIM. I JUST PRETENDED IT WAS FINE but honestly, it did KILL ME. IT WAS ACTING STRONG. I think i deserved more. but i think that when a guy truly loves, he will make time even a minute would be appreciated.

  6. Avatar

    Lu

    March 25, 2014 at 8:32 am

    I was just wondering is there a chance you could get your ex back after non stop dramas/fights this is the 2nd time me and my ex have broken up officially and he says ‘he has to pick between love and reality’ is there still a chance I can get him back with the NC rule or is it a dead end from here on?
    The NC rule worked for me the first time round but something is telling me it might not work this time?

    1. admin

      admin

      March 25, 2014 at 4:48 pm

      It makes it harder. Was it him who usually created the drama?

    2. Avatar

      Lu

      March 29, 2014 at 10:51 am

      No it was usually both of us we’d have spells of it for example one week we’d get on amazingly well then we’d have an arguement and it would ruin things.
      When we split I asked if we could have a clean break I.e give each other our stuff back so we didn’t have to eventually get in touch and he said he didn’t think it was a good idea to do it the day we split and I’m not too sure why he wants to drag it out can you possibly shed some light on his mindset b/c we both said if we split again we’d cut all ties with each other yet he’s still friends with me on fb :/

      I really appreciate you giving me advice your actually a god send right now lol

    3. Avatar

      Lu

      April 1, 2014 at 6:04 pm

      Do you think it could work out again or should I just give up and try and move on?

  7. Avatar

    Terra

    March 15, 2014 at 10:07 pm

    I’ve talked to him about it I’ve talked to others about it but I would really appreciate insight on the situation from an unbiased outsider.
    I am 20 years old , I’ve been dating a boy for a year now (talking for a little longer since we didn’t dive right into the relationship) he’s 23. In the summer he dumped me for 1 month, because I said I may be falling for him and I guess it was too soon for him he did say it was to focus on other things though such as his football season coming up , so although I messaged him all the time that I miss him I still started to get over it as I wasn’t 100% In love with him yet just starting to fall, I was very thankful for that . But a month later he came back into my life and asked for another chance .. Of course I have it to him because I missed him and he didn’t do anything horribly wrong except leave because the feelings weren’t mutual, I let him know that he has to expect love from this relationship or I’m not interested and he said okay.. So eventually as time went on we grew closer and happy and he told me he loved me back , we were amazing until about Christmas time this year , we started fighting a lot and this is where I come in as the wrong one, every time we would argue and it would be over completely 100% stupid stuff I would break up with him like “okay I don’t need this don’t talk to me anymore ” and I would regret it later that day and say sorry and we would get back together. We fought again recently I did the same thing “delete my number and block my number ” and so he did … And now he does not want to be with me again, It happened March 9 late at night, I went to his house both March 10 and 11 and called him non stop both days begging for another. Chance but he won’t let it , he cried about it and he seems to be upset about it but he still won’t give me another chance, yesterday was my first day of no contact at all and I guess I expected him to contact me because I didn’t contact him I guess I expect him to overlook the bad times and remember all of our amazing memories but It doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen, I feel sick all of the time I’m sad , even at the gym I almost cried ( we go to the same gym just different times usually) I miss his voice I miss his kisses I miss his hugs and I miss his laughter I miss the comfort and i know I was in the wrong 100% it kills me the most because it was my fault if I never said those words I didn’t mean he would still be in my life
    I want his forgiveness and I want another chance but I can’t make him do that …
    I know I’m beautiful and besides that I am an amazing girl/girlfriend/friend/daughter/sister with a huge heart and very giving so there’s no low self esteem here or thinking that I’m nothing without him , he just truly means the world to me and I just want some advice from another.
    Not sure if this is what your fb is for but giving it a shot reply if u can as soon as u can
    I know you can’t say sorry too many times for the same thing and I know he’s tired of constantly going though it but I know he knows I love him and I didn’t mean it HELP

    1. Avatar

      Terra

      March 15, 2014 at 10:13 pm

      This has changed a bit sorry I sent this via facebook a few days ago… I contacted him and cracked because I wasn’t strong enough but from a guys perspective if u really think the NC will work please please please let me know , I read your post about the drama too late.. we fought a lot about stupid things but always made up and it was well worth it to me, we had amazing times but he said that the bad was outweighing the good and he’s tired of always breaking up and making up …but that I need to learn from this and I haven’t learned in only 5 days and that he’s trying to get over me and stop loving me so don’t call him :'( </3
      so do you think hes really done? should I even bother trying to get him back ?
      btw I really am an ungettable girl lol, would say an 8-9 and BESIDES THE FIGHTING I'm so generous and loving we have all the same interests maybe a couple differences but never was a problem, I'm smart in college all 90s… do u thhink he will miss me?

  8. Avatar

    Karlie

    March 5, 2014 at 4:46 am

    Just gonna say, that a guy will complain about sexual activity. Found out yesterday that that was one of the reasons he dumped me. All he wanted to do was cuddle, and I was the one wanting to get more physical. We had done sexual stuff before, he had started it in the beginning, but closer to the end he never seemed to want to do anything anymore. This led to me to try more often, and yet when I could tell he was getting annoyed, I asked him about it and he said he liked it cause it made him feel wanted. But he still listed it as a reason why he dumped me.So ladies, be careful and be an ungettable girl. Make him want it.

    1. admin

      admin

      March 5, 2014 at 5:46 pm

      But you were willing right? It’s crazy that he would use that as a reason if you were willing.

  9. Avatar

    MimiFor-F"Hlw"..

    March 5, 2014 at 2:05 am

    (arms crossed defiantly) Did I just spent the majority of my day clicking through stupid “I didn’t evolve again” articles? Did I just waste more life time, attempting another rewrite of my completed masterpiece, “The Idiot”? Hmph! My OCD is not picky and carelessly led & planted me here reading some Chris guys’ articles, to whom I’d personally like to say: “Thank you for a little bit of comfort today.” to and hug! Impossible, so instead, I’ll just write it here in this comment box -in the sentence right before this one, for him to read. All of that⤴ or “this” just took me 45 minutes to write…Hmmm…

    1. admin

      admin

      March 5, 2014 at 5:29 pm

      You have an interesting way of talking…. I like it.

      It’s like an interesting puzzle that somehow makes sense.

    2. Avatar

      MimiFor-F"Hlw"..

      March 6, 2014 at 9:04 pm

      I thought the same thing about you, dot dot dot, while unbelievably… Nevermind. Thought flash: If you believed that a Peace rally was more effective than an Anti-War rally, would a…nevermind, again. Oh, and Chris -laughed a bit out loud THAT you wrote: “…for me, I can’t stand the sight of a woman who is sad.” Really! (giggle)

    3. Avatar

      MimiFor-F"Hlw"..

      March 5, 2014 at 2:14 am

      Question Please to be Answered SOON? :)Smiles.. Brief backstory: I’m in an On/Off relationship and never lived together 1. We never clearly defined “over” or “together”, he just disappears after getting mad. 2. Its been 2+half total years of this. Whirlwind beginning, Physically: lusty, jet-setty, animal..BUT Emotionally unstable, hates his mother, no other family, loves his dog he co-parents with his mother (who calls daily at least 5 times and lives like a hoarder. Not embellished! 3. I found out, while looking at Facebook, he has girl he met while working in Canada -She innocently posted pics of her in his house! New Years!! He lied and denied it!!! I said “Saw the pictures, Dilldy! It’s not you? Not your house?” He said: “No”. Ahhhh!!! He had flown her in!! 4.We have never seen other people in all this time we’ve been the on/off couple(yeah, I know maybe not trueLol) so, I get it was TERRIFYING for him to say..His lie sent my ego to the moon. Read every article of yours, there is not one left -getting the book tonight. BUT 1st…HELP! He is 50 years old (I’m15yrs younger)-he is 51 tmrw. Call him for birthday? ***This all happened last Sunday. Yes, I went Emotional Surplus on him! Both in quantity and quality -I cleared my inventory. Thank you in advance.

    4. admin

      admin

      March 5, 2014 at 5:31 pm

      Hahaha again, the puzzle speak that somehow makes sense.

      Have you tried the no contact rule on him yet? And no I wouldn’t wish him a happy birthday.

    5. Avatar

      MimiFor-F"Hlw"..

      March 6, 2014 at 8:03 pm

      My “No Contact Rule” interpretation is “Never Speak to him Again” -Yes, I have tried it. I didn’t call him yesterday for his birthday. Instead, I read about why and if my mother was/is a narcissist. It worked. And -She is. Why -?.

  10. Avatar

    Emily Moore

    February 24, 2014 at 7:25 am

    Hi….I am really at a loss and confused. My bf of 11 months has emotionally cut me out since his mother passed a month ago. He was still texting me until 2 days ago. I have been super supportive to him and he assured me a couple weeks ago he was not breaking up with me but he hadnt felt like doing anything not even going to work. Nowhe has stopped texting and the last few text made me feel like I was bothering him….I love him very much what can I do? I know he needs time to process his feelings but I am afraid I may loose him or he may forget about us. Please help me save our relationship…..
    Thanks for your help and advice
    Emily

    1. Avatar

      MimiFor-F"Hlw"..

      March 6, 2014 at 9:53 pm

      Emily- Pretend that I just snuck up behind you and pulled your hair -kinda hard, but, kindly to startle you! Respect another human beings wishes -The End. I know you have no idea, but I was just reading your post & found out his mom just died 2 days ago! Brutal, right! You have bully traits/entitlement issues, but, you’re smart. Quote: “… made me feel like I was bothering him.” You are correct尸. Control, woman. Read about EQ. Seriously. Will help you.

  11. Avatar

    Crystal

    February 20, 2014 at 6:44 pm

    Haven’t talked to you in awhile! So, I was “talking” to this guy (we texted all the time & went on a few dates). Things seemed to be going well, & he mentioned doing things together in the future. Then he suddenly cut off contact. After a few days, he started including me in group snapchat messages. I just sent him a text telling him that if he wasn’t interested in dating me, I understood, but I wanted him to know we could still be friends. He said he just got scared due to a past relationship, but he did like me and wanted to date me. So, we started “talking” again. He started texting me everyday and we went on a few more dates. Then, he started becoming distant, and he would still talk to me, he just wouldn’t make plans with me. When I asked him about it, he said he just wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, and when he started his second job, he wouldn’t have time for me. I told him that I wasn’t ready for anything serious myself and the job didn’t bother me. So, I told him we could either date casually and see where it leads later on or just be friends. He says he’s interested in me, but just wants to be friends because he’s gotten used to being alone and is really busy with work. Keep in mind that he hasn’t dated anyone since that past bad relationship which was years ago. Any thoughts or advice? I do like him…

  12. Avatar

    lily

    February 16, 2014 at 4:14 am

    hi chris. im going to tell you a quite long story. my bf and i broke up because of my mom. so my mom doesn’t like him and ask me to break up with him. at first, we still dating but we were backstreet. i thought it will work out but it doesn’t. i cant help to lie to my mom so i ask him to really break up this time. but then i regret. after the breakup, we still in on and off contact. once he said he still miss me. and the biggest mistake i made was i ask him to come back with me when i was drunk. but he said it wont work. now that im doing the NC, do you think that he still want me back? i really do want to fight for our relationship. and i believe that my mom can give us the second chance.

    1. Avatar

      lily

      February 16, 2014 at 4:18 am

      also, he said that i should give up on wanting him back. chris i think this is the worst part of our relationship.

  13. Avatar

    Elle

    February 13, 2014 at 5:04 pm

    Chris,
    It’s me again 🙂

    I’m wondering what your thoughts are on the amount of effort needed to keep the guy interested in the girl, like maintenance to keep the relationship interesting.
    How do you keep a guy chasing you while in the relationship? I kept telling my ex that we still needed date nights every once in a while (inexpensive ones) with just the two of us to keep the passion in our relationship to not lose that honeymoon feeling. But instead, we fell into a monotonous routine that eventually even made me bored and lonely in love. My efforts to repair that went unnoticed and unfortunately I guess I was a little too late in my endeavor.
    So to be clear, what is the correct amount of effort needed in a relationship in order to keep the interest and the passion…?
    Thank you (as always) for your guidance!

    1. admin

      admin

      February 14, 2014 at 3:23 am

      Maintenence always has to be done.

      You keep him chasing by making him think he has you and then all of a sudden making him think he doesnt and then that he does.

  14. Avatar

    Madison

    January 17, 2014 at 11:48 pm

    So its been six days and I haven’t hear form my ex ! but I will not text him ! im just sad he hasn’t said anything.
    Like you said dose it take guys a longer time to realize that we are doing the NC rule and dosent it take them a few days even weeks to miss us ?

  15. Avatar

    Sarah

    January 10, 2014 at 5:19 am

    Thank you Chris!

    1. admin

      admin

      January 11, 2014 at 1:34 am

      Of course!

  16. Avatar

    Emily

    January 6, 2014 at 6:40 pm

    Hi Chris. I unfortunately needed your website about 3 months ago when my boyfriend of 6 years and I got into a huge fight which ended in him breaking up with me. I made the mistake of crying and begging for him so stay, which turned him off completely. However, about two weeks later he contacted me and we agreed to work on our issues. I unfortunately am guilty of being too emotional at times with a dash of high maintenance thrown in. I really made an effort to stop my negative behaviors and he noticed and praised my efforts. This went on for 3 months and I noticed a difference in both of us. We were fighting less and I felt everything was going great. Now I seem to have fallen victim to the “time” scenario. Out of nowhere, with no fight, he stopped contacting me for a few days. After about day 3 I called to see what was up. He said he needed the space I never gave him months ago and that he didn’t have time to commit to me. He also said he was bothered that he has never been single as an independent adult and he doesn’t know if he was with me because he wanted to be, or because it was easy. I got angry and we started fighting and he said it’s pathetic that I keep trying to make this work and that I seem desperate and dating me is too “easy”. I know we got back together too quickly the last time, would trying NC be pointless? Do you think I’ve just become pathetic and undesirable at this point? He truly makes me happy and is my best friend. When our relationship is good it’s full of love and intimacy, but I think I’m just old news at this point. Please help, any advice would be appreciated.

    -Em

    1. admin

      admin

      January 7, 2014 at 6:35 pm

      No I don’t think it would be pointless at all.

  17. Avatar

    Leslie

    December 30, 2013 at 12:48 am

    You have a lot of great articles. A few things I get away with are pretty bad.

    One is if I like a guy I get scared of losing them and let them get away with bad behavior.

    For example I would let me ex boyfriend jerk me around a little bit with a back and forth off and on so he knows he can have me when he wants. But this time I put my foot down by not being his friend cause that’s how we get back together then he breaks up with me again.

    So how do I keep him by doing that? Doing your giving mixed signals and flirting then being a friend technique?

    Also I would let him get away with ignoring me for a day or blowing me off and not coming to something he said he would go to because he felt uncomfortable or whatever. The more I allowed it the more he got away with it and then I lost him.

    My fear is becoming a nagging bitch but I don’t know how to find a happy medium. How do I stand up for myself with issues like these with out it blowing up into fight or becoming a nagging person?

    1. Avatar

      Leslie

      December 30, 2013 at 12:54 am

      Also an insecurity of being used for sex, then I start questioning there motives and it has pushed a few guys away. And when I become insecure with issue I ask them if they like me or what this really is about. What would be a great way to deal with this issue and how to handle it if I become insecure with a guy I am seeing? I’ve read a lot about how you can become a casual girl which is why I told my boyfriend to being no to just being friends I can’t do that. And when we were friends we still had sex.

  18. Avatar

    lmf

    December 13, 2013 at 5:13 pm

    Hi,

    I went on two dates with this guy(we have been talking for 3 weeks, but he has been dealing with finals) and an hr after date 2,he tried to schedule a sleepover for Saturday. I am blunt, so I asked him why? He said for sex and to cuddle and talk. I asked if sex was what he was looking for. He said never mind we should meet for coffee. I said no, I think this is a conversation that should be had. He said he was glad I said that.He then asked, how long would he have to wait bc he feels sex is a way of gauging if there is a complete connection. I said if i gave a specific date,i’d be lying. I don’t move that fast(date 2) and who knows how things will go. I said if or when I am ready, he would know. If it’s meant to happen, it will just happen.I said I would rather be clear bc I am not looking to waste either of our time. He said we will just take it as it goes and asked to schedule coffee.He then 5 min later came back and said he is willing to wait, but does that include head/blow jobs.I ended the conversation at that point(IRRITATED..I think he mistook my bluntness for him being able to be blunt and since he doesnt know me that well, he crossed the line to crude). He apologized and the next day initiated a convo in which he proceeded to one word me(I of course didn’t drag it out. I haven’t initiated since day one and I see no point in forcing conversation on someone). Is that his way of showing disinterest because we move at different paces(but contacting me just to see if I will respond)? Did I do well in avoiding answering the when? We do get along really well, but I am not the hit it and quit it type of girl. I have been clear about that from the beginning. I am not sure if i am being clear and he isn’t being upfront with the hopes of being able to sway me.

  19. Avatar

    Neema

    December 6, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    but what if a girl did most these things and the guy lost interest in her and went on a rebound relationship, Can she get him back?

    1. admin

      admin

      December 6, 2013 at 8:08 pm

      Yes but the more things she does the worse her chances become.

  20. Avatar

    keisha

    December 4, 2013 at 9:18 am

    Hi chris,its me again. You might have forgotten my story but I’m the girl that told you a story of how my ex bf cheated on me,came back and we dated again for 10months.but before our final breakup,I had doubted him a lot most especially when his ex gf(the one he cheated on me with came into the pixture)he equally said I was had to please and that I’m unappreciative and that I make him feel not good enough.I remember suspecting him alot,putting up a lot of dramas and I equally accused him of wanting his ex back,he denied it saying he only texted her to checkup on her nothing more.that he had no feelings towards her,but I doubted he did. yes I will admit that I’m super guilty of some if not most of the points listed above but I couldn’t help doing some of those stuffs because I wasn’t sure he loved me anymore. Anyways, You remember I told you of how I went back begging and crying two consecutive times after he brokeup and he got more pissed the more and asked me to stay away,though he said he still loved me but he didn’t want us to date again. I still wanted him back so I initiated the NC rule and did it well, it was interrupted on the 29th of november when he called asking for a help with something of which I helped him in,but all I did was on a casual tone.after that call I never called or contacted him and he haven’t called or made any form of contact as well. Now,its 3days left for me to complete the NC rule and I,m scared of calling him because a male frd of mine had called me on the 2nd of dec,telling me that he got talking with him about how my relationship with him was going,he said bad that we had broken up and that he doesn’t think there’s a possibility of us getting back.my frd equally asked him to calm down and think it through but he said there was nothing to think through that he has honestly lost intrest. Now I,m planning to call him but I’m scared of him rejecting me again.I still love him and getting any rejection from him will only but depress me more.so now with where things are,what should I do?should I still call him or is meeting up face to face with him a better option. We live in different towns and I don’t know if he would even want to see me.I’m confused and don’t know what to do. You think a lot like him I must say so pls what most step would you think will be effective?he has lost intrest and I don’t know if to call him in the first place not to talk of bringing him to want me again.help please.thanks.

    1. admin

      admin

      December 5, 2013 at 1:11 am

      To me its all about chasing. You have to really focus your efforts to get him to chase you.

    2. Avatar

      keisha

      December 5, 2013 at 8:45 pm

      So what should I do then?he needs to chase me and I have to bring him to that.what do you suggest I do?

    3. Avatar

      keisha

      December 6, 2013 at 10:10 pm

      Just read your article above! Brilliant I must say.a very awesome and well crafted piece of work!kudos my dear.
      I sorta texted him today and it was a really intresting and captivating text because he called me almost right away.I kept everything in the text casual and unemotional.and I guess my unemotional bait worked. its the first real contact we’ve made in a month since I started the NC period. He. Sounded excited to have heard from me I guess(saying to the tone of his voice)he said I had actually forgotten his look for me to have thought someone else was him.he asked his frds and siblings to speak to me over the phone inorder to prove a point.but he ended the call before I could with almost the lines you used in that article.he actually said he would call me when he gets home because he was busy and the environs was noisy.I’ve waited somehow for the call but it hasn’t come through and I’ve refused to call him aswell(applying the logics and patience here).
      A point in the article actually confused me abit,you said after the first contact you make with your ex after the NC period,wait before initiating another contact with them of which you would leave all at a cliffhanger.in your case(in the article)you abrubtly ended the converstion in a cliffhanger in your very first contact with them(your ex).which turned out to work to your advantage and making them want more.
      My case is different sortof because he ended the call on me saying he wud call me when he gets home of which he hasn’t till now.so now my question is;should I call him since he hasn’t called back yet or should I wait on and see if he makes a move by tomorrow?what if he doesn’t call atall?should I wait for a week away from the first contact to initiate another contact with him? Sorry for the long explanation and text. thanks

    4. admin

      admin

      December 7, 2013 at 7:39 pm

      I would wait and see!

    5. Avatar

      keisha

      December 8, 2013 at 7:57 am

      Okay.he still didn’t call all through yesterday neither did I call him?for how long should I wait before initiating another contact? And how would I know when he’s intrested in working things out but doesn’t want to make any move from when he isn’t intrested at all.

    6. Avatar

      timara

      December 19, 2013 at 3:49 pm

      Hi,good day!
      Thanks for your previous advice and suggestions.I think I’m making progress and I don’t want to take the wrong steps that’s why I’m writting you again.
      After the last two contacts I made with my ex(which were on the the 6th;friday and 8th;sunday)I gave it a week before I could make another contact with him which happened almost aweek ago(friday;13th).I called him and we talked for a very long time,we talked almost about evrything.our achievements and lots of stuffs.he did most of the talking anyways and sounded really excited to hear from me.somehow he asked me if I had moved on(as per if I was into another relationship) I told him I wasn’t yet but I have met nice guys and he said that he wasn’t emotionally attached to anyone or even slept with anyone or even in a relationship yet.when I asked him why,he said because he was respecting me.he asked me if I had had sex and I told him it was something private and can’t share it with anyone.he got angry that I referred to him as anyone and that I spoke casually with him,and that I had sex with someone else.he was so mad that I was even shocked by his reactions.he asked a lot of questions and from how he sounded I guess he cried.he called me back and we spoke for long too he equally asked me why I did it when we shared a bond and all,but I told him the bond was when we were together,he said he loved me and hurts to hear that I could move on so quick.he kept calling me even at midnight saying he couldn’t sleep and that he had lost appetite and I should call him back.I did and we spoke and talked about why I did it and all but I didn’t say anything to him,he concluded that I had sex that was why I couldn’t open up to him.so I later slept off.early the next day,he called me again saying he couldn’t and didn’t even sleep atall.that he kept thinking of me with someone else and the images drove him insane.that he really loved and still loves me why would I do such a thing and asked if the guy was worth it of which I replied yes but we aren’t dating.he asked a lot of questions but I kept answering him vaguely and casually he got even more mad that I wasn’t being open with him and that I was choosing my words.he equally said that he repected me and he’s dissapointed that I had fucked another guy in such a short time and had even moved on.we argued a lot again but all I did and said was done calmly(I was more of being the listener) and when I refered to what went wrong in our relationship;he said we shouldn’t talk about it over the phone but face to face rather.so he said he was going to come to my state to spend sometime with me but I don’t know if that’s a good or bad idea.he equally said a lot of sweet stuffs and God knows I felt so much loved,in control and happy.through out that day he kept calling and being sweet.went out and he called me but I told him I was out and that I was going to call him when I was less busy.late that same day(saturday)I called him but he didn’t pick,called him again even the nexxt day(sunday) and he still didnt pick or call back.I don’t want to rush things or seem needy now that things are going this way. Though his attitude over the news that I slept with someone else(moved on) surprised me,but I equally felt happy to be so much in control at that point.and the truth about the whole matter is that I haven’t even done what he feels I did.I haven’t even had sex with any other guy as he accused me,I so much wanted to tell him the truth at that moment but I couldn’t because I didn’t want him to be in charge again or say/do things that could hurt me.because he actually said that I turned tables against him now and all the while he thought I was missing him not knowning I was fucking another guy.hearing that come from him made me lie the more because I didn’t want to make myself vulnerable to him…so now,what should I do next at this point to get him to want me again?should I tell him the truth that I haven’t slept with anyone else?would you suggest that I do that?after telling him the truth,what next?

    7. Avatar

      timara

      December 19, 2013 at 10:11 pm

      Hello gudpm,my statement above has been moderated with no replies.please I’m still waiting for a reply for the above statement.thank you.

    8. admin

      admin

      December 21, 2013 at 3:20 am

      Has your statement not been replied to yet?

    9. Avatar

      keisha

      December 5, 2013 at 7:12 am

      How do I get him to chase me?we are in different towns and can’t see each other unless we get back to college.what if he’s already dating?becasue I feel he is and I have this uneasy feeling that it could be his ex gf.if this feeling is true do I still have a chance at getting him back?in such situation like mine,what would I do to make him chase me?what are your suggestions?

    10. Avatar

      keisha

      December 5, 2013 at 7:17 am

      Since I’ve completed my NC would texting him maybe “I miss u” kinda text be a good idea?would it be okay to text him to startup conversation between us?

    11. admin

      admin

      December 5, 2013 at 6:59 pm

      No I wouldn’t do that.

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