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289 thoughts on “The Things That Women Do That Can Cause Boyfriends To Lose Interest In Them”

  1. Jasmine

    January 29, 2015 at 7:54 am

    Hi…
    im in emotional distress because of my relationship.. my boyfriend and i live together and he’s emotionally withdrawn from me. I guess its my fault we had a lot of arguments due to my insecurities and i get emotional and overreact. We usually go a day or 2 taking time off and we’re back in love again but this time i dont know and its scaring me. He doesnt come home as much anymore and when he does he doesnt want to be around me and his conversations are distant and cold. I have been immature and insecure and i just want a chance to really fix things but i think he’s afraid of giving another chance and me letting him down again. I’ve tried everything but i just can’t seen to win him back this time..i dont want to give up on him and i dont want him to give up on me. I want to gove him space but I’m scared that the space will make him leave or lose interest completely. I’ve been crying my eyes out and feeling lonely and depressed i just dont want to lose him he’s a great guy i was just being childish and im willing to change that for him. I dont know what to do….

  2. sandra

    January 27, 2015 at 5:13 pm

    hi chris….my boyfriend broke up with me 2months ago and he got into another relationship the following month. obviously the girl has always being hanging around so it was easy for him to move on. now i miss him so much…he says he misses me too and still has feelings for me but he cant do anything cos of the new girl.At a point he said we should be coded about us and i refused. i wish i could get him back…we talk everyday..he has visited once after the whole breakup….but i know i have to get over him realy…

    1. admin

      January 28, 2015 at 3:14 pm

      How long has he been with the girl?

      Just one month?

  3. pam

    January 26, 2015 at 1:27 pm

    hii chris,, i am in a relationship with my bf from last 2.5 years.initialy he love me more than anything and do everything to keep me happy..but slowly he got changed..he call me only once in a day..he doesn’t text me until i do( only reply).from last week we are fighting on time matter, and he just listing me and not saying anything just said leave this matter..nd yesterday he said that he want to live alone..i know he can give me time bt he is not doing so..what should i do now?? even if m saying m going to breakup he is not saying anything not even stoping me..

    1. admin

      January 27, 2015 at 2:11 pm

      I think the best thing for you is, big shocker, try out the NC rule.

      Seems like you haven’t done that yet.

  4. Tobi

    January 25, 2015 at 2:05 pm

    Interesting read. Makes it sound that the girl has to be submissive and have low self esteem and that she must not express herself. When did you write this article?

    1. susan

      March 17, 2015 at 12:11 am

      Tobi, you are so right. The rules for keeping a guy interested: don’t be “over emotional” (defined according to what the guy thinks is the appropriate emotional response), don’t bring “drama” which seems to include voicing any kind of feelings or concern or dissatisfaction, don’t get fat, and oh yeah–shower your guy with attention. I *love* that in this list, women are encouraged not to stress their needs, and yet this list is all about catering solely to whatever makes the guy comfortable. Be strong and confident, but not too much so. haha

      I’m glad I’m not dating this cat. And ladies, I don’t know what qualifies this dude as a “relationship expert” but I encourage him to consider how this list gives an excuse for a jerk to be a jerk and for women to blame themselves for it.

    2. admin

      January 26, 2015 at 3:50 pm

      Huh?

      Women can absolutely express themselves and definitely don’t have to be submissive. In fact, if you read my article on the ungettable girl you would realize that men are attracted to strong women as opposed to weak ones. They want women who challenge them.

  5. Sam

    January 22, 2015 at 9:31 pm

    Hi Chris,

    It’s been a while but I’m asking you for help. I started dating someone new a few months ago and I can’t help but feel that he’s lost interest. He has his bouts of depression and tends to feel upset over little things. Granted, I do too. I also vent to him a lot and he does the same for me. We’re both also a bit insecure, but I thought we’d be able to build each other up.

    When we started dating, each of us would just text good morning first based on whoever wakes up first in the morning. Recently, I’ve been sending the good morning text first since I’m up early for school. However, I don’t hear from him until the late afternoon. Granted, I’m glad to hear from him and he asks how my day is going, but I just wonder if he really wants to know or to talk to me, since he’s no longer in school.

    I’m in law school and I was upfront with him about how busy I’ll get and what little time I’ll spend with him. I asked him if he’d be okay with that and he first said he was. Now, he’s been upset that he and I don’t see each other.

    I asked him last night if he wanted to break things off. I told him that I know how upset he’s been and if he lost interest due to what little time we spend together I’d understand. Did I screw this up? Is it over? I haven’t heard from him at all today. I know he works on Thursdays until closing time, but I’m scared that I won’t hear from him at all.

    1. admin

      January 23, 2015 at 4:18 pm

      Just be patient.

      He will get back to you eventually I am sure.

    2. Sam

      January 25, 2015 at 9:42 pm

      Hi Chris,

      Thanks for the advice.

      We talked the other night and it’s over. We decided to try and stay friends, but he asked that in the future when we both weren’t so busy if there was a chance at getting back together. I told him it depends on where we are in our lives.

      He and I still talk every day, so it’s a strange feeling. But the transition feels relatively easy. I mean, it should be possible to stay friends with an ex, right?

      Anyways, thanks again for all the advice!

  6. Carman Durost

    January 22, 2015 at 4:15 pm

    Hi Chris,

    Monday (Jan 19th, 2015) My boyfriend broke up with me after dating for almost 2 months. Our relationship is quite unique in the sense that we dated when I was 14 and I was 16 but I stayed deeply in love with him ever sense the day I met him. He had broke up with me back then because I had cheated on him.

    Granted we had many significant others over the years but I never truly stopped loving him. It had been close to seven years since I had seen or spoke to him so I wasn’t aware I was still in love with him. He called me one day and all those deep feelings came flooding back. I stayed strong though and kept my walls up. We talked but just as friends. He did let me know he missed me a lot and wishes we could have still been together.

    Things happened and I ended up leaving the father of my daughter who was emotionally and mentally abusive and I moved back to where the man in question and I had met but I didn’t end up back with him at first. I was with someone else, got pregnant and ended up on the streets with my daughter.

    Then I lived with my parents for a short while and started talking to the man in question yet again. We were seeing each other for about 2 months, I moved in with one of my exgirlfriends/best friends and this is where things went ALL down hill. To sum it up he chose her over me. They stayed together for about 3 months off and on and they fought A LOT. When they fought, he came to me to say the least. He eventually left for good and end back with the mother of his children. I became quite cold hearted towards him but after only about 4 months when he was single and so was I, we started talking again.

    This brings things to more current time. Him and I started seeing each other yet again in September 2014. I did my best to get him back and offically November 30th, 2014, we started dating.

    The thing is though is we started fighting at the end of December 2014. Well I guess Monday was the last straw for him and here is what happened: I had been having some trouble getting my 7 yr old daughter to pick up her room so instead of putting her toys in my room like the last time, I set them in a garbage bag and put them next to the trash. While I was at work, my boyfriend at the time, had taken the trash out. Now this I was grateful for because he was doing something nice for me but I still needed to go and try to get my daughter’s toys out of the dumpster. He was upset with me for not telling him, I apologized and he offered to help me look in the dumpster. He kind of gave me bs about it on the way to the dumpster but things were still okay. We both made attempts to look but here is where it all fell apart. He kept bitching about the situation and even after multiple times of asking him to STFU and stop, he continued. (mind you this is outside of my apartment complex with people outside which he feels I would have never acted that way if we were alone which I disagree with). We continued the arguing well into my apartment which led to pushing each other and yelling in each others faces. I regretablly said “get your shit and get out!” In the mist of screaming in each others’ faces, he went to grab my wrists. Not knowing his intentions, I hit/kicked him. It was just a normal human reaction and he is taking it as I am abusive. I have never ever hit him before and I only reacted the way I did because I have been hit before. I truely honestly did not mean to hurt him! I do have a history of violence as towards the end of my relationship with my daughter’s father, I started blacking out but I haven’t hit anyone since then (May 2013). No matter what I said or did made him want to stay and in fact, he is now living back with the mother of his children. I do not know for certain if he is back in a relationship with her but according to her, he no longer wants ANYTHING to do with me.

    I do know I need help for my anger so I am continuing to take my antianxiety/depression medications and I am going back to individual therapy on Friday. It just needs to be understood that I have PTSD, borderline bipolar and borderline bipolar. I have been going to therapy sicne August 2013 but those aren’t thigns you “just get over” or heal from quickly. It takes YEARS!

    I feel the issues that led up to all of this were due to I had just got home from work so I was still stressed out, I was tired and I was told he had already gotten into a conferntation with someone else that day.

    I do really want to talk this all out with him but I do not know how. I am trying very hard to give this time but all I think about is him. I have gone from the sad/depressed/suicidal side of grief to, I just don’t care. However in my heart, I just hope he comes to his senses. He claims he is still going to be in my daughter’s life but given the fact he won’t talk to me directly and is going through his baby’s momma, it isn’t proving to be easy. I am doing my best to stay strong, mainly for my daughter, but I do feel dead and lost without him. I am keeping my apartment, my job, my health, being a good mom and still going to be getting my driver’s license soon. I do want him to see that I am not giving up on myself, him, or us and that I am doing my best to get the help I need. However, how can I really get him back? Is there an honest chance in this?

    1. admin

      January 23, 2015 at 4:08 pm

      There is an honest chance.
      Of course, a chance doesn’t guarantee success 100% of the time.

    2. Carman Durost

      January 23, 2015 at 8:12 pm

      Thanks Chris, I hope its closer to will happen versus not. I just know that I need to set clear boundaries with him if he comes back because mind games and disrespect are NOT okay.

  7. GIGIBYOUT

    January 20, 2015 at 12:17 am

    Help! So I just found out after having my youngest daughter that the father of my children and soul mate of 12 years got into a relationship with a new girl while he and I were taking a break. He said something about her being new and this being something different and he didn’t know how long things were going to last with her but that he needed space. He claims she makes him very happy, but at the same time was still intimate with me, acted like we were together while he was dating her and is still telling me things that give me mixed signals. Recently, we had sex and I felt so dumb afterwards, as I watched him boast about how AMAZING my sex game still is and how he thinks “its” still his. That’s fine and dandy but it still didn’t bring him back to me and our kids. So of course I don’t plan on doing that again, that mission was a failure. What I don’t get, is that we have years of history (good and bad), the chemistry is still there between us, he’s still attracted to me and I him, we have two beautiful kids together, he tells me and his family that he loves me and deeply cares for me all the time, I also catch him occasionally staring at me with goo-goo eyes and he tells me I’m beautiful all the time..etc. But why won’t he come back or consider it? I will be honest and let you know that this pregnancy was rough, I was very emotional, stressed, a constant complainer, sick, needy and tired all of the time. So I wasn’t at my best at all, but what pregnant woman is 24/7 for practically 10 months out of 12… Not only that, but these past three years have also been challenging for us, with disagreements on finances and other things. My progress thus far: I’ve kind of accepted his new relationship and no longer bring up “us” to him, I’ve also gotten my emotions together (they were every where before!). For the most part, I just try to be pleasant when he comes for his visit on the weekend, but I’m not all up in his face or constantly talking to him. I no longer text/call him and try to stay as distant as I can for the meantime. I don’t know what he’s thinking or if he thinks about or misses me, which makes me nervous. I just know that I miss him and love him even though he’s been a jerk. So I guess my main question is, how do I get him to realize that he messed up and suddenly want to come back to his family?? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    1. admin

      January 20, 2015 at 3:46 pm

      In other words, he led you on while dating someone else.

      You seriously should ignore him for a bit.

    2. GIGIBYOUT

      January 20, 2015 at 9:23 pm

      Ok so ignore him for how long, followed by what??

    3. admin

      January 21, 2015 at 3:02 pm

      Well, how long do you think is proper in your case?

    4. GIGIBYOUT

      January 26, 2015 at 7:19 am

      Anywhere from 30-60 days, maybe longer.

  8. Cathy

    January 8, 2015 at 9:56 am

    there, I would love a bit more advice
    firstly I love this site nd all the pages its truly helping me understand myself better as well as guys..

    at the moment I feel emotionaly wrecked as my bf dumped me in the worse manner ever..

    to make a long story short me nd nw ex bf started off as best friends for 5 yrs nd in the 5 yrs tims nd time I developed them he developed feelings bt we both were to scared to act upon it until two years ago we took the risk nd it was a amazing two years.. as it nw going on for three..we had a stupid arguement about the beach ..he wanted to go out to beach nd I didnt nd we argued then I compromised with him nd went with him to beach bt on our way got stuck in road block which was one of the reasons I didnt want to go because all beaches was to be overpacked nd roadblocks nd I did the worst thing nd said..now you see why I didnt wana come nd he gt turned off nd turned around nd took me home we never argued he just went silent on me nd I also wemt silent ..a week went by..nd stil I didnt make contact or did he nd then his mother phoned me invited me for lunch nd I came over without contacting him nd I saw him nd then I ignored him coz I thought oki you play that game so am I..coz I was angry…nd bdw he hates drama it turns him off.. I knw that frm the Years of being friends..nd then I was with his family and I could sense somethings up so his mother encouraged me to go talk to him nd I did try nd for first time he pretended to be tired nd closed his eyes..immediatly I was ths is so immature nd I got angry nd I called his name nd said in a lil loud voice what is going on with you..have you moved on..is there something you want to tel me..I knw you nt slping you being childish plz dnt let me be dramatic nd tel me wats going on he just opened eyes gave me that evil look nd turned around and layed on his bed back facing me I got soo angry nd I said ima take his camera the love of his life as his a photographer nd ima leave he wil get it back wen he decides to talk I then took his camera nd put it inside his cupboard nd pretended like I took it bt I didnt…nd I went home as I was driving I realised hw crazy that was of me nd sent a apology text saying I was angry and acted out without thinkng im sorry and he replied dnt ever set your foot near me coz I dnt wana see you ever again..nd blocked me everywhere socially…it is our first huge arguement coz normaly we just have small 5min misunderstanding arguements..

    its been a week I never contacted him or has he but its killing me inside

    have I lost him forever over somethng stupid like that??? or cn I?? or is there a chance for us to be reunited??? or should I jusove on cause he aint worth t as my girlfriends say!!

    plz help
    of all my ex ive honestly never cried wen I got dumped bt ive been crying for days I honestly think I fell too hard for him coz normally id be his loss got many fish out there that wud be interested bt my heart dnt wana move on

    1. admin

      January 19, 2015 at 3:07 pm

      No you haven’t lost him forever.

      Tell me though, what have you done so far in an attempt to win him back?

      NC?

  9. jean gray

    October 15, 2014 at 8:52 am

    and also chris, Ive read a part here saying that gf’s should keep things interesting if they’ve been seeing each other awhile. Like activities? or it’s just that guys want the same activities but with a different person ?

    1. admin

      October 27, 2014 at 2:40 pm

      No try new things together. Something neither of you have tried before and experience it together.

  10. jean gray

    October 15, 2014 at 8:36 am

    Hi Chris,
    I admit upon reading this page,that I am a very insecure person and have been trying to control my ex bf.. I know it totally turned him off but if the ex bf already knows you’re insecure like would it still be possible that he would wanna still try and get back with me? Im in the 3rd week of my NC btw and he did message me teasing me about something but I ignored. Would a guy who already know their ex is very insecure would still wanna try it out again?
    – Jean Gray

    1. admin

      October 27, 2014 at 2:40 pm

      He might… You must have had some good qualities as well if he stuck around you know?

  11. Steph

    September 3, 2014 at 11:13 pm

    Hi, I need some advice here!

    We go to the same college together. However, I cannot return to our college until January because I took a year off. He just went back last weekend.

    When he was home for the summer we had an amazing time. I would always go to his city and we would go to museums, go out to dinner, take a walk in the park, cuddle, talk about deep things…We would text every day and we had a great relationship.

    We were together for five months. Last week he texted me saying he couldn’t do this anymore, he doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore. Then he begged to be friends. The last time we saw each other in person we had an awesome romantic trip to his country house. I didn’t see how he changed feelings in the two weeks we were apart. Obviously I started to cry and beg for him to take me back but he remained staunch on being friends. The day after we broke up he said he JUST met someone new and was interested in dating her and seeing where it goes. I was so mad.

    Every day since the breakup he ends up texting me, I go along with it, and then I suddenly break down and tell him he’s taking me for granted or something. Or I try to get close to him and he slams the breaks and reminds me we’re only friends. The other night I decided I was sick of fighting and said, fine, let’s be friends. He asked to meet up again and I said okay.

    Last night he texted me again first, a “hey “. I decided to ignore it. I want him back so how will me always being there help? But why does he want to be my friend and insist he needs me in his life? Why does he always text first? What can I do to get him back, make him regain those feelings he said he lost? In a few months I will be back at college with him…

    1. admin

      September 4, 2014 at 12:16 pm

      He always texts first because he probably wants to talk to you….

    2. Steph

      September 11, 2014 at 4:43 am

      Now he has a new girlfriend. He found her like overnight after we broke up. Here’s where it gets weird. We met up a few days ago and hooked up. I felt kinda bad. He held my hand and said he loved me and wants to get back together when I come back to school. He asked me to dinner. When I tried to contact him the next day for our plans his new girlfriend picked up and yelled at me and told me to leave him alone! She was awful to me. She made fun of my looks and the way I still talked to him. I was super upset and embarrassed. Then he texted me that he just wants to be friends with me and that the new girl is someone “really special”. What the hell? Two days before we were getting along great! Now it’s been a whole day and I haven’t heard from him. I’m lost and I’m not sure what to do. He obviously doesn’t like the new girl as much as he says because he hooked up with me!
      She is older than him and going on tour with her band soon. I will be coming back to school and have the opportunity to see him every day. Right now I’m trying to distance myself but I don’t know what to think or feel. Or even what to do now. I miss him so much.

  12. Jen

    September 1, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    Hi,
    I was with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We live 45 minutes away from each other. I am 24 and he’s 25 we both live with our parents. It was taking a toll on the both of us. He also works 40 hours plus was going to be starting mowing 20+ yards. I suggested to him in April that maybe we should move in together to eliminate an argument that we may be having in the future. I knew that I for some reason wouldn’t understand why he wasn’t coming to see me even though I knew he had a busy life. Besides that, once I suggested that to him. He freaked and we got in argument. We never talked about any of it again. All we did was cover it up. It would be brought up every once in a while because of tension. He never wanted to talk about it he would give me every excuse in the book. I would get mad but then just ignore it. I was stupid and would bring it up for a week without letting it go. In reality, I knew that I should’ve dropped it because he’s not ready that kind of commitment yet. We also had the problem of him not wanting to compromise of not living where he grew up. I wanted it to be more equal distance for the both of us. I knew that I loved him enough that in the end I would moving to his home town. I just wanted to see if he’d compromise in the future. I only did it because I wanted to be like WOW this boy would do anything for me. He is so obsessed with his home town he’d never compromise on it. Now that I look back I know it’s because HE’S not ready for that type of commitment. About a month ago I decided that I was going to bring it up again. I told him I wasn’t expecting to do this ASAP but in the next year or two I would like to move in with each other because I don’t want to be 30 and be in the same boat I ended up in. I brought it up in the car on the way home. He again said I don’t want to have this conversation. I ended up getting very mad at him because I didn’t understand why we couldn’t have a simple conversation that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. He ended up saying well I know you don’t want me to say I wouldn’t live in my home town so there is no point to even have this conversation. I ended up saying well lets just go our separate ways. I didn’t actually mean it I just wanted him to fight for me. I explained that to him that night. I figured we were going to go back on how our relationship has been. The next day he left my house he began his actions of which lead up to our break up a week ago. He wouldn’t call or text me. He’d ignore my calls and texts. I then became negative and naggy towards him because I couldn’t understand why this was happening. I believe what was happening was he wanted space. I didn’t understand that at the time I just wanted his attention and him not to be that way. It reminded me of my past relationship and it made me go crazy. Last week he ended things on the phone. He said he was just so unhappy and miserable. He couldn’t give me a reason why he felt that way. Came to my house to get all of his stuff but ended taking me on a date. Where we bowled, played laser tag, games and drank. We had a blast together. He ended up staying at my house. (We didn’t do anything. He cuddled me all night. When I wasn’t in the room he came downstairs worrying about me. The next morning he gave me a hug and a kiss. He’d said we would be talking after I suggested that I promise that I would do whatever it takes to make him feel happy. He left me all confused. I really wasn’t sure if we were done. Later that day I texted him if he wanted me to go to his softball game. He said no because I don’t want to lead you on and I already told my parents we ended things. That was my answer right there. I just responded okay that’s fine I respect that. I do want you to know that I still love you and want to make things work out. I never got a response. I haven’t contacted him since then. The night we went on this break up date. I told him Id move to his hometown because I know he’s the person for me. I told him that I would make sure I was close with his family NOW that he told me it bothers him. Even though I chose to not get close with them because he wasn’t close to them and he was mad at them because they owed him thousands of dollars. I chose to be on his side. I still would talk to them when I came over and invited them to things. I was respectful but we weren’t as close his family as mine. The entire break up night he was full of I don’t knows. He didn’t know if he actually loved me. He knew he loved me but wasn’t sure if it was that kind of love. I was the first girl he’s ever felt this strongly for. I am just confused and not sure if I need to move on or just wait for him to figure out what the hell he wants. Besides the living situation we had a very good relationship. We were complete opposites but we made it work. I would get mad at him at times for not coming to see me but I knew that he was busy. He doesn’t like conflict and he has mentioned that he doesn’t think relationships should be this hard. I’ve explained to him that every relationship goes through hard times. It only makes you grow as a couple. Over the last month he’s said he just wants to go in the woods and disconnect from the world. (He hunts, and fish). I’m trying to tell you everything so I can get any advice that you can give me on this because I am confused.

    1. admin

      September 2, 2014 at 1:21 pm

      He sounds very confused at what he wants but I would say he definitely has feelings for you still. His actions are indicative of that.

    2. Jen

      September 3, 2014 at 1:20 am

      Thank you for responding. I’m just going to do the 30 day of NC because I feel thats what he needs. It’s been a week so far!! HARDEST thing ever!! I just wish we wouldn’t have to go through this without doing the NC. I think he’s confused too on what he wants. Thanks again!

  13. erikaplur

    August 29, 2014 at 6:21 am

    Me and my ex been broken up for 1month now.he wasnt ready for a relationship. He has alot in his lfe. He said if faith lets us then ok. But My ex bf told me he lost his feelings for me,he decide to stop talking. I really caee bout him. Should i stop talking to him? Or what should i do.

  14. Angie

    July 17, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    Hi chris i need your opinion in my case,i was in a relationship for about 8 years but on in off because of him to controling with money,anyway last wroke up was on febrery his excuse was i never listes to him ,plus hi want to live with me i my house ,his house hi want to rent but i lived with my daugther ,but hi want my daugther go to rent her own place because i say no i broke with me ,hi is money maker but very tie with money anyway was the reason to finisch with me,now after hi finish with me my heart was empty ,after one month i call him but hi no answer i went to his place we talk and jumped bed with him ,hi toll me promese me to call me but hi never call me again ,after i call him 2 times a week no aswer i let ,send angry menssage but hi never reply me,ibstop for 3 week i call him ,hi answer me i ask to him a question was if have new girlfriend hi say to me not,but i dont want you back to my life,again i feel very deprees after 3 week again i call him ,hi aswer me we talk again ,but after the day i stop call him because after breakup hi never call me just me ,now is about 1 month i dont feel like anymore to call him ,but i still ho hope hi caming back to my life.

    1. admin

      July 18, 2014 at 3:53 pm

      What do you mean,

      “controlling with money?”

  15. Maryanne

    June 25, 2014 at 9:56 pm

    Hey Chris,

    This is my story and I’d like it if you would give me anything you can to help me. Please.

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me about three weeks ago. It was completely unexpected. I had left for work and was headed to his house as usual to stay the night for the weekend. When I texted him, he replied back ssaying we needed to talk. Of course I immediately freaked out seeing that and called him. When asking about it he mentioned how he wasn’t feeling happy anymore for some reason and that I should know by now where this is going. I told him that I was on my way to his apartment and we would talk then. I cried the entire way. When I got there and tried talking to him he pretty much had his mind made up that he wasn’t happy anymore for some reason and that if he wasn’t happy then he mustn’t be happy with me. I tried my hardest to fight and get him to think differently for his decision but nothing seemed to work. He tried to hide himself crying in front of me but I still knew. I eventually got to packing my things, and while that was going on he wouldn’t be in the same room as me. Before I walked out the door, the last thing he said to me was “please just be safe going home”. I closed the door and didn’t look back. I was absolutely devastated. Everything seemed to be going perfect. We were reaching our one year anniversary and my birthday was a few days away. He had been kinda different but I just figured it was us getting comfortable and getting out of that honeymoon phase since I always seem to want to overthink things. So yeah. We had been really good friends since I had started UPS, which is where I had met him, and we constantly played cat and mouse. We knew we had a thing for each other and it just would never seem to go away. It was of course something completely different for me since I can never keep feelings for someone like that and them come back. Whenever we finally got together we couldn’t believe it. It was like a dream that we thought would never happen. Not long after we got together we knew we loved each other. It was all amazing. We never fought through our relationship. We would have disagreements but never fought. His family loved me from day one and I instantly felt at home with them. Well anyways, back to the break up. About a week after the break up, my best friend decides to text him to ask him again what the reason is he did it since he didn’t really give a reason before and kept say he didn’t know. Without him knowing I was physically there with her, but not in the same room, he called to talk to her about it since he said he was eventually going to say something to either her or me. The time she was on the phone half the time I was in the bathroom because my nerves were everywhere. Once she got off the phone with him, she came outside to talk to me about what he had said. She didn’t want to tell me the reason to begin with because it was a really ridiculous reason to leave someone you supposedly “love”. She told me that the reason he had left was because of my weight. He felt that I had gotten too comfortable and he didn’t find me attractive to be physical with anymore. He said that he still loved me to death, missed me, and thought about whether he was making the right decision everyday but just didn’t know right now. He seemed as confused as the day that he broke up with me. He said that he informed his family of the break up and they were disappointed. His grandmother had even made a comment that she thought that we were going to end up getting married. And that really made things worse for him. Hearing it made things worse for me as well. I wasn’t upset only because I thought that he didn’t care about me anymore, but I still felt it was a ridiculous reason. After that, I gave in and contacted him two days later after my other best friends graduation. Started out as a casual conversation and then I got down to asking if we could talk in person. He told me that he didn’t think that would be a good idea since he didn’t want to hurt me again. And so me already being emotional and hurt I expressed that I didn’t feel that I could be anymore hurt as it was and so and and so forth. He kinda got defensive saying was I going to come over to talk shit about him? I told him that I wasn’t whenever I really didn’t know what I would have done. Which later I realized I would not have been in the right state. I tried to talk to him more about the reason over text but all he had said was he would just be repeating what he told my best friend. And said he just didn’t find me attractive anymore he guessed. After that I decided to just not try to contact him anymore. It has now been about three weeks almost since I last contacted him. I have not heard anything from him. And I refuse to be the one to say anything from here. I want it to be him coming to me.

    I will also admit that when we started dating I worked a physically job like he still does, and I ended up quitting to a sit down desk job. I should have done things differently but I didn’t. So I gained about no more than 15 pounds. I would talk about my weight all the time wondering if it bothered him even though him and everyone else said that I looked fine. He would tell me all the time that he just wanted me to be happy with myself. And of course I want to look and feel better about myself even before the break up. It is just hard whenever you’re not used to not being physical everyday. And it would have helped if he had communicated this issue more and also been supportive instead of acting like everything was okay and nothing was wrong.

    Even after all of this, I want him back. I’m not saying I need him because I don’t. I want him to see that things can be different and to see what he is losing out on. All of the above pretty much. I need all the help I can get Chris. I am doing the no contact right now and still have not heard from him, but it has only been about 17 days. So I don’t know if he cares or is just ignoring me too or what. But I really need your help. Please. Even if we have to talk personally.

    1. Maryanne

      June 29, 2014 at 5:16 pm

      I’m not trying to be rude, but can you please reply to me with something? 🙁

    2. admin

      June 30, 2014 at 2:28 pm

      So sorry.

      Do you think you can ask me one specific question at a time?

    3. Maryanne

      July 2, 2014 at 8:55 pm

      Okay.

      It has been a month since mine and my exes break up. I have not tried to contact him since the 8th of June. Why hasn’t he tried to contact me yet? I don’t want to contact him. I want him to be the one to contact me.

      Also, would “moving on” make him come back?

  16. Ballroom Love

    June 24, 2014 at 1:38 am

    Hi Chris,

    I met this great guy at a ballroom dancing event at school (Old-School romance I know haha). I always thought he was cute but never knew him, but at a dance a few months ago he pulled me onto the dance floor and said he was waiting to dance with me all night. We talked and began texting/hanging out regularly. Our conversations were very flirty, and he was very clear he was interested, as was I. He was saying he missed me, and wanted to see me about a week ago, but recently he hasnt been in contact with me at all. I sent him a message a few days ago, and we exchanged a few messages, but I have been hesitant to initiate contact too much. I’m driving myself crazy thinking what happened within a week that would make him act so opposite of how he was for about 2 months. Any advice is much appreciated!! Thanks 🙂

    1. admin

      June 24, 2014 at 6:56 pm

      Ballroom dancing AWESOME!

      Did you two ever date?

    2. Ballroom Love

      June 25, 2014 at 12:30 am

      We didnt ever officially date. We met at the ballroom dance event, and then were in what I would consider “pre-dating” for about 4 or so months. We talked and hung out regularly and it seemed to me like it was progressing into a relationship. He was initiating just as much, if not more, than me. All of a sudden within the last week he has not been in contact. I am SO confused.. maybe he is auditioning for dancing with the stars? Haha

      Thanks so much Chris!

    3. Ballroom Love

      July 1, 2014 at 1:55 am

      If he stopped initiating contact do you think I should just let it go? I havent seen him in a few weeks so I think maybe hes bored with it? I want to see him but I dont know how to bring it up without looking desperate.

      Any input? Thanks so much!!!

    4. admin

      July 3, 2014 at 12:48 am

      Not necessarily, is he still responding at a good clip when you initiate?

    5. Ballroom Love

      July 3, 2014 at 3:10 am

      Thanks so much for the reply!

      He isn’t as talkative, he always answers, never ignores me, but doesn’t do much to carry on the conversation aside from answering my message. He was so flirty and initiated a lot of the texting, I just have no idea what happened so suddenly.

    6. admin

      July 7, 2014 at 5:25 pm

      I suppose we are just going to have to find a way to get him more engaged when he talks to you.

    7. Ballroom Love

      July 7, 2014 at 11:54 pm

      I agree! Do you have any articles about how to do that?

      Youre the best!!!

    8. admin

      July 8, 2014 at 2:26 pm

      I think if I was you I would read all the articles on the sidebar that you think relate to keeping him engaged in a conversation.

  17. martina

    May 22, 2014 at 8:40 am

    sorry forgot to mention that he said it’s a final decision. this is scary, do you think it worths to try hard for it again? and how? or do I have to force myself to move on? btw I am improving my skills like learning how to cook and some other stuff I make sure to put that on facebook so he can know it haha. thanks again for your site and efforts I hope I will get a reply.

  18. martina

    May 22, 2014 at 8:19 am

    hello chris I’d appreciate your help,
    my boyfriend broke up with me last Saturday because he said he started to lose interest *he insisted about that* for 1 or 2 days, I’ve tried to ask if there are any other reason but he said I started to lose interest and sorry can’t explain more.
    I think I was giving him to much to soon, and that he didn’t feel admired anymore for just the last 2 days. he accused me also of distancing myself of him.
    however at the end I told him ok fine I will never start to bother you again. but on sunday he asked about me Monday as well those were just short messages but on Monday he said : “sorry for bothering you I just wanted to say hi” so on Tuesday I’ve started to message him and tried to get his attention by telling him that I had a nice day yesterday with a friend and I think it worked. anyway it was a long distance relationship for 4 months I’ve read many of your articles but I don’t think the no contact rule would work with him he probably will be like “she doesn’t care I was right so I don’t want her anymore”
    ps: he is the super commited person if that makes sense, please help me I love him so much and want him back, thanks and sorry for the long comment.

  19. Jane

    April 16, 2014 at 5:18 pm

    As much as I hate to admit this, I have made a few of these mistakes with my ex boyfriend. I have had the bad habits of being too emotional, insecure, and of course with those things the drama and the arguing took place. I have been trying to work on myself and change those things about myself as I do not want to feel those emotions or be that person anymore. My ex boyfriend told me recently that he is no longer in love with me, all his feelings towards me are gone, and that he isn’t attracted to me anymore in a romantic way. My question, is it possible that we could rekindle things and the attraction and love come back?

    1. admin

      April 18, 2014 at 3:20 pm

      It is possible of course.

  20. Sofia

    April 7, 2014 at 10:19 pm

    can I buy your book from Buenos Aires?

    “The more time you are in a relationship with someone the higher the chances are that the man will lose interest”. Interesting. This comment may sound bitchy, but I want him back so badly :(. Do you think that the fact that his new girlfriend is a coworker and so they see each other every day, all day long, can lead to the newness of their relationship to wear off faster?

    1. admin

      April 8, 2014 at 5:41 pm

      Have you tried to buy it?

      Were you able to? Some countries won’t be able to get it but I don’t know about BA. You might be able to.

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