The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Suzie

January 16, 2014 at 11:37 am

Hi, I’ve been doing NC for 6 days. I broke up with my boyfriend on the 7th and only contacted him to return some things on the 10th. So no word from him since. My guess is that he’s stubborn or scared or both, since I was the one who ended it this would make sense. We are both in our early 30s also so we don’t have such highly strung emotions as younger people so there is more control/patience. This however does not exempt me from worrying that he is going to run away with another woman, nor does it stop me thinking that he just doesn’t care. This section has been very helpful to me and I applaud your wisdom Chris. What worries me though is what aftertaste he may have of our relationship. You can’t answer that for me of course, it’s actually very hard for me to answer. Thanks for your great site Chris. Wish me luck on this journey.

admin

January 16, 2014 at 6:14 pm

Good luck!

What are you going to do during the NC rule to improve yourself?

anonymous

January 16, 2014 at 4:07 am

What if he’s possibly The Scared Guy, but he was the one who broke up with you? I get the feeling he wants to talk to me, but won’t let himself because he thinks that this breakup is what I want. and I think this is because I’m doing an awesome job of looking hot/having fun on twitter, facebook and insta 😀

admin

January 16, 2014 at 5:55 pm

It’s very possible.

foxy

January 15, 2014 at 7:06 pm

I am currently implementing the NC rule, but my situation is a little bit unique. My ex and I had only been living together a couple months. 2 weeks ago, he just took all his stuff and moved back home to his family’s place, saying he’s planning on taking a job out of state which he hasn’t even lined up yet. I haven’t talked to him since the day after it happened, but a week ago I received an email from AT&T saying he was transferring my cell phone back to me since we were on a family plan. I didn’t take care of it right away, so few days ago he sent me a text regarding splitting next months rent with me (since he left so suddenly) and asking me to accept the transfer of the phone line. I didn’t respond, instead I called AT&T and took care of it. AT&T never sent me a confirmation email, but I double checked to make sure the transfer was successful, and it was. This morning he sent me another text asking if I had ever gotten the original email I never responded about, so again instead of responding, I called AT&T and again they told me the line is now on my social security number. I requested to be sent a confirmation email to myself as well as him (which I still haven’t received). I am wondering if I should just tell him that I already took care of it, even though he could just check online and see that the line is gone from his account??

admin

January 16, 2014 at 5:33 pm

That one is up to you.

If you feel the need to then I say go for it.

Miranda

January 15, 2014 at 12:03 pm

Please answer me Chris 🙂
I have done the NC now 25 days. My exboyfriend has send me 16 messages during the NC. I´m in panic mode because i feel that i want to send him a message. Last friday he send me messages and then this monday he send me only a ?questionmark. I don´t understand why he send´s me messages because he has a new girlfriend. Do you think that now he has become a ignorer because i haven´t answer him anything????

Abi Jaiy

January 26, 2014 at 10:36 pm

Darling, no relationship is serious in the FIRST MONTH! Dont be stupid. That girl is probably his rebound, hes in a relationship straight after you… She cant compete to you right now as you have Chris help. Dont worrt keep strong youll get him back.
miranda

February 10, 2014 at 6:42 pm

We broke up with my ex BF for one year ago. Last summer he saw this woman few times….and still he was saying that he loves me etc. The hole year i saw him very often and every time it was amazing! December 2013 he told me that he has another woman and it is the same woman that he saw last summer. I say to him that ok…i won´t contact you and i hope that you don´t contact me. Now it´s been 7 weeks when he told me that he has another woman…he has texted me many times….and two weeks ago he came to my door and bring some of my stuff from his house…i said to him that i know that the stuff wasn´t the reason he came to my door…..he was here about 10min…and the was touching me and saying that i look pretty etc. I don´t know what to think…why he sends me messages because he is with that new woman.

anonymous

January 15, 2014 at 10:54 am

Chris, i need help badly 🙁 i understand how busy and tight your schedule is but is there any way that i can reach you directly? I’m willing to fork out money (within my means) and i alrdy own your e book.

admin

January 15, 2014 at 7:32 pm

Facebook is probably best to be honest.

Nhi Le

January 15, 2014 at 5:49 am

What happen in a head of a gamer ??? My ex addicts to game, he will forgot everything once he start to play, will he think of me at all beside his game?????

admin

January 15, 2014 at 6:53 pm

If you ignore him he might.

Sammi

January 14, 2014 at 8:48 am

A lot of what you say makes so much sense. I tried the no contact rule before and it worked perfectly and he came back. However, after six months we broke up but a little prior to that he had been going out a lot and I was really emotional which pushed him away. Mainly because I felt like he was distancing himself from me and I didn’t know what he wanted. I felt like he got a bit bored of me and was offended he didn’t want to hang out out me.

Recently he got close to an old girl mate of his and finally admitted he liked her but didn’t know how it happened because they’ve been friends for years. He mentioned how he felt he didn’t appreciate me because I had all the traits of a good gf but its like he found some shiny new toy now and wants what he cant have. I realise I gave him too much too soon and didn’t keep him interested enough.

I want to do the No Contact rule again, would it work the second time round?
anonymous

January 14, 2014 at 3:28 am

Hi chris! Do you think you could do a guide on the male’s mind if their ex girlfriend keeps doing NC on them? In other words, if they were to go hot and cold on their ex girlfriend after she did NC for the first time on him. She did NC for second time and maybe even a third time. Take for example she did NC for 30days the first time. And second time a wk. He gave very positive replies after she did NC the first time. But he got cold again. So she did NC second time. After second time, he was neutral in his replies. And now she’s planning on doing NC third time.

Since after 2NCs she initiated contact, should she try to reach out to him again after the third NC? How should she reach out to him then? Most of your guides seemed to imply the actions she should take after the first NC.

admin

January 14, 2014 at 5:51 pm

Could you explain your idea for a post for me again? I just want to make sure I understand it completely.
anonymous

January 15, 2014 at 7:04 am

Well okay. I broke up with my ex last year april. I didn do NC immediately. Probably only a week in june/july. we kept in touch again but not so often. He was alrdy dating others since we broke up. I did full one mth NC in oct. So nov we contacted again. I didn nc again for one week in dec. Then i reached out to him again. Now i’m thinking of doing nc again for at least one mth.

So since i keep doing nc on him, what is going on in his mind? Will it affect him? Nc can be less effective when you have to keep doing it. Im doing it so as to make myself less available to him. I notice when i contact him right after nc, his replies are positive, then he will go cold. So i feel that i have to keep doing nc on him.

betty

January 14, 2014 at 12:34 am

So I’m in a situation where my ex and I have to see eachother everyday in class and we sit near eacother. I’m wondering if this changes any rules? The break up wasnt too bad so I think he’ll still try to talk to mewhen he needs help with assignments or other stuff. Ignoring him in that in case seems ignorant and like it would have negative affects. Any advice on how to respond to that situation?

admin

January 14, 2014 at 5:49 pm

Limited contact.

Rachel

January 13, 2014 at 6:37 pm

Chris,
My situation is a little different. I’ve been broken up with my ex for about 8 months, but he was hanging around, seemingly wanting to get back together. We were getting very close again. He kept talking about making a baby and I just did not respond to these things and shot him down… Until he suddenly decided to disappear when someone else caught his eye. So basically my ex broke up with me and I woke from my stupor and panicked! After telling him I was so sorry for taking him for granted and myself being the frantic caller, he said he needed space and we AGREED to a no contact rule. If we agreed (me, somewhat reluctantly), this does not give me any power here. In fact, I feel like he has it. I’m ok to work on myself (that’s what I’ve been doing the past 8 months), but if this is the main way to win back his desire I have a serious problem here. Any thoughts? Thanks so much.

admin

January 14, 2014 at 5:29 pm

Have you read any of the other stuff? B/c there is a lot more to this than the NC rule.

melashnie

January 13, 2014 at 4:25 pm

Hi Chris
I just want to start off by thanking you for setting up this website for girls who need advice. My question has nothing to do with your ex boyfriend recovery theme, but i just didn’t know anyone else to get advice from. Okay so…
My boyfriend and i have been together since march 2011. We met at university, i had just turned 19 and he was 17 turning 18 in 2 months.
In December 2011, he moved back home (7 hour drive away from me). So our long distance relationship started then, and we”ve been seeing each other every 1 to 2 months.
I am turning 22 next month (February) and he is turning 21 in April.
This is where the problem is coming in… i feel like he is changing in a sense that, he thinks he’s all big and bad. He doesn’t drink etc so he won’t go crazy like that coz he tried drinking before and he is over that phase.
He is responsible. We used to always talk through out the day, and now he’ll say at like 5pm “I’m gonna go tidy up and go to the gym I’ll speak to you at 9pm”. Usually he’d speak till he has to leave for the gym. I know it isn’t a big deal, but i feel like if i don’t handle him properly that i could push him away.
Is it normal for a guy to change a bit coz he turning 21? Is it a phase?
* oh and he used to love talking about future plans with me, but he seems awkward when we talk about future in depth. But he does say we will get married in a couple years.
Gosh reading what I’ve typed ,makes me feel like I’m over exaggerating and going on about nothing. It’s just bothering me coz he mentioned turning 21 a lot of times in our conversations.
Thank you sooooo much for your time Chris!

admin

January 13, 2014 at 6:29 pm

Hahaha do you have a specific question? Like I don’t mean to sound rude this just works better if you ask something specific.
melashnie

January 14, 2014 at 1:18 pm

Lol i know 😮 i talk in circles sometimes 🙂
Okay so… is it possible that he wants more freedom now that he is turning 21?
And how can i make him want less freedom? Not to be mean… but i don’t want him to just want freedom coz of his age. Like i believe people change not just coz of their age, but coz of different experiences in their life. How can i stop him from having this “ego”- or more like just a different attitude just coz of his age?
Today he was talking to me about his birthday plans- he wants to spend the day with me. And the following week he wants to take his mom and brother for a weekend away. He says he wants to do something for them.
Anyways… i just wanna know if should be worried?
Thanks Chris, hope you’re having a wonderful day 🙂

Madison

January 13, 2014 at 6:09 am

Hello,
So I recently about 2 mouths ago I started talking to my old friend (after years of not talk) who I have known since my childhood we started hanging out and started liking each other , we would see each ever chance we had , then things got kind of got strange he didn’t talk to me as much as we use to and we didn’t see each other as much. When we planned on seeing each other (after 3 weeks of not seeing each other we live far form each other) on new years he was all for it so I went over there the night before his friend were over I was okay with that but he was just kind of off , when we were going to sleep he said “What if I told you it wasn’t a good idea you stayed until Wednesday, my dad will be mad ” I really said nothing , the next day I was all mad and didn’t talk to him and he asked what was wrong ! when we knew ! I told him why and he said ” sorry plus my dad wants me to do a family thing for new years ” which I knew was a lie he wanted to go out with his friends I just don’t get why I couldn’t go? so I said ” why cant you just tell me you want to go out with your friends instead of lying to me ” he promised he wasn’t , When I was about to leave he told me he loved me I was surprised because we weren’t “official ” yet and never even said that so I left and he texted me like nothing happened and I told him it was bull shit and I didn’t want to be with him if he was going to be like this and I didn’t hear anything for 8 days , then he called and give me this story about his dad and a fight and told me thats why he could get a hold of me for 8 days! when he was on facebook and snap chat ! he said he dose love me hes known me his whole life and has those feelings for me and told me ” I want to work this out” so I like okay we should talk more about it , I tried calling him after work and no answer it was late so and I thought he fell asleep , he texted me the next day and said “im sorry I was sleeping last night” so all I said was “okay well if you want to talk give me a call around 4″ he never said anything and never called me for 2 days I heard nothing ! I finally called him today and said ” I haven’t heard from you in 2 days why ? he said ” my dad took my phone and I thought you were going to call me ” I said “no I told you to call me , do you treat every girl like this? your treating me like shit and I don’t like it you could have told me what was going on on facebook if you wanted to you could have got a hold of me” he said ” I am sorry I need to focus on some things and my computer wasn’t work” so I asked ” should we not do this ” and he said like ” yeah ” something like that , so I said “fine we wont we will see other people ” he said ” okay, I don’t want this to end on bad trams I still want to talk text me ” and we hung up. I never texted him but he texted me “Madi I am sorry for not letting you know whats going on . you deserve better !

I never texted back because I have no idea what to say and don’t really want to say anything right now , Do you think he is worth it ? should I just move on ?

admin

January 13, 2014 at 6:25 pm

What is best for you in the long run. That is what you need to ask yourself.

Alycia

January 11, 2014 at 3:07 am

I took your advice on the no contact rule. I hit the one week mark tomorrow. My relationship ended due to me treating him horribly for a solid month and then another month of annoying the heck out of him because I realized I what I did and was willing to do what ever I could to make it better. After a screaming match he finally stated that he needs space to get over things and to move on. He also says we aren’t going to be together. Reading this page is feeding my fears that there is nothing I can do. He is both angry and stubborn. Does this take all my chances away ?

admin

January 12, 2014 at 4:40 am

No, it just means you will need to have your patience shoes on.

Perhaps I should come up with a better analogy….

Erica

January 11, 2014 at 1:04 am

My ex is a very emotional person and does not like texting in general anyway, he told me that he would like his space (after freaking out on me and being a jerk) and he told me that we can’t even be friends because he’s confused and doesn’t know what he wants. I feel like the NC won’t work on him because I feel like he’s completely done with me. Side note: we see each other in the hallways at school between classes when we walk by each other and he completely avoids eye contact with me. He’s confusing and I don’t want to waste my time trying the NC and just have him give up on me

admin

January 12, 2014 at 4:38 am

Give him his space…

Try your best to not make things awkward.

miranda

January 10, 2014 at 1:07 pm

Hey Chris!
My exboyfriend has sen me messages during the no contact…i haven´t answer him nothing..it has been now 21 days of no contact…this tuesday he send me 6 messages…today he send me 3 messages..the first one was like this; Happy new year and happines to your life…the second message; I think that you have a new boyfriend because you have beenso active in whatsapp messenger…the third message; Send me a list about yor thing that you still have in my house because i have to know it today.it´s important. I will bring your thing at the evening to your door. After this day i will not bring your stuff. I haven´t answer anything to him! Is he now mad because i haven´t contact him or what???? Im clueless because why he didn´t ask me the list about my stuff before this week when he send me messages….why now?
rach

January 9, 2014 at 5:07 pm

Im on day 10 of this no contact rule its far harder than I thought but so far I haven’t caved in just pray to god it works as I havent had any messages from him yet and very fearful I wont hear from him xx
K

January 9, 2014 at 10:58 am

Just a question — will one of these reactions still come out if he broke up with me, or will he just not care? He seemed very reluctant to break up with me because it was based on some unfortunate circumstances surrounding our relationship (school). It happened the day we first saw each other after a long distancey thing for three and a half weeks, so a few days ago. It was pretty much the whole “it’s not you, it’s me” thing. So, will he still have one of these reactions to NC? He told me when he broke up with me that we’d still hang out.

admin

January 10, 2014 at 1:38 am

Sure I tried to list every reaction in almost every circumstance.

J

January 9, 2014 at 2:54 am

Your information is very helpful. I have a question. My ex was caught cheating. I changed my number and now doin the nc. Was it a mistake to change my number or was this the right thing to do?

admin

January 10, 2014 at 1:17 am

A mistake I think but to be honest it doesn’t matter he will still probably want to hear from you.

Em

January 8, 2014 at 7:07 am

I recently had a sort of mutual break up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years (living together 6mths). He said that he had doubts about whether or not he wants to settle down with me or at all and thinks there are things that he’d like to do single. We came to the conclusion that breaking up was really the only option. I’ve made some mistakes (not having much of a life of my own and being clingy etc). He has also realised that he might have commitment issues and has said he’ll be going to counseling to sort those out. While our relationship wasn’t the best before it ended (bit of a roommate rather than lover type rut), we both believe there is still a lot of potential there. He wants a few months to sort his stuff out and I know I need some as well to better myself. Should I do NC till he contacts me (potentially in a few months) or just do the 30 day thing?
Thanks so much for your help! This site and your book is awesome
Katie

January 8, 2014 at 3:54 am

Hi Chris!

I just want to let you know that the NC really works. After the break up I stuck to your NC rule like a mantra – no matter how tempting it was to communicate with him. On the 5th day, he texted something work-related (we worked in the same company before and I have a higher post than him) I didn’t have a choice but to break the NC rule. I replied professionally and that was that. I stuck to the NC rule again and on the 7th day, he sent me a random text about some guy in the office. At first, I was tempted to respond but when I thought about all the $hitty things he did to me when we were still together, my interest on getting back with him slowly began to wane. To my surprise, I just read the message and deleted it altogether. He was the Angry Ex before then turned to the stubborn ex then to the mid caller. I have the most active social life ever after the break up and was able to focus more on myself and started seeing my friends. My facebook became active as well as they posted pictures of us going out and having fun. My friends, who I haven’t seen for a long time told me I looked better and prettier ^_^. I know the best revenge you can give your ex is to be happy. A part of me, admittedly, wanted him to see that. I was just wondering… What do you think is going on in his head? Does he go to my wall? Sorry… I know it sounds petty but my curiosity about the male mind at a time like this is killing me. I’m not dating yet, by the way. And I haven’t contacted my ex ever since that random text message. He hasn’t communicated with me either. Thanks a lot and more power to you for heing us ladies get back our self-worth.

« Previous 1 … 79 80 81 82 83 … 89 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”