The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Christina

February 8, 2014 at 1:39 am

So I’ve been doing NC with my ex immediately after the breakup. It’s day 5 and I’ve posted pictures on Facebook and statuses showing that I’m happy and moving on and such. I’ve been religious with NC and haven’t broken once.
So my ex messaged me on Facebook once this morning (which I didn’t even look at because of the “read” receipt) and I ignored it as I should and went to the fair with a friend and posted pictures of me having a good time.
So tonight he messaged me again and it started with “Look, if you’re trying to prove a point…” (I didn’t see the rest of it and ignored it as usual) and then a few minutes later he messaged me again “K thanks.”
Shortly after he tweeted “watching people becoming immature” and it’s obvious he’s very pissed.
Should I continue with NC for the full month or respond before he gets really angry?
Thanks!

admin

February 8, 2014 at 4:24 am

I say go for the full month but this is your decision if you feel he will get so angry that he can’t function then feel free to do watever you want.
Christina

February 8, 2014 at 3:23 pm

I just replied “I need space” and I’m going to restart NC

Taylor

February 6, 2014 at 5:46 pm

Ok so I’m dealing with the angry guy , it’s been a little more then a week since he broke up with me but this is not the first time we broke up in our five year on and off again relationship. It’s been 4 days with NC . We had a really bad fight were I told him a lot of things I was holding in for some time . I know that how I said it was wrong but it had to be said. I tried to apologize right away, I cried and begged but he said he was done and wanted nothing to do with me. But this is not the first time this has happened so it’s hard for me to believe that. Also I know he thinks I’m going to call and text trying to fix things with him. So I’m hoping if he sees that this time is different he’ll reach out to me.

I love him deeply and I don’t want to give up on him because it was just one fight and I believe we lacked communication. We had things to work on but nothing so big to just give up on us.

I’m writing I guess to see if anyone else is dealing with the angry guy and has any input .

admin

February 7, 2014 at 6:16 pm

Was he willing to communicate at all with you?

veronika

February 4, 2014 at 5:39 pm

Hi Every one,I read a lot about today about NC,but my relationship was ended up very bad arguing.I was with a man 7 years,he never treated like a girlfriend,we never lived togedher,no married,no kids with hem and i very wanted.I got my own son ,and my boyfriend got hes son from hes ex,he using me like a slave,i been helping hem alot,i try to loving hem,but he never givet to me any love,hug,kissing and any preasant..not even Christmas and Birthday,he was abused me,cheating me many times,every year he hoing thailand and pick up bar girls..He never helpted me in a kitchen,hes happy when he see im suffering.Im preety women,very attractive but i havent meet a nice attractive man whos i like.He broke up with me,because i wanted to be treated like a lady.I like u to give me advice so he can suffer.I try NCrules,he would be realised how nice person im and what he lost with hes selfishness..Thanx.Veronika

admin

February 5, 2014 at 6:28 pm

So, were you able to successfully complete the NC?

ZEN

January 29, 2014 at 12:33 pm

We dated for nearly 2 yrs and the months leading up to the break up were hell for me. We took a break in October, I moved out before the break and that made him angry. We finally ended things in December because I simply could not take it anymore. I have recently completed 20 days of NCR during which he became frantic and angry and deleted me on Facebook. Once he deleted me I had to get in touch to make sure he was still going to pay me back the large sum of money he owes me and he claimed that he still wants us to be in each other’s lives. Is this guy serious? He openly tells me he is jealous of me being around any man even a friend and yet he is not ready to be in a relationship now. The NCR rule has been amazing at helping me see that this is not someone I need in my life. Thank you Chris.

admin

January 29, 2014 at 7:05 pm

You are more than welcome.

Chanel

January 28, 2014 at 3:47 pm

Hello Chris,

I’m new on this subject, but here I go. I met this really nice guy at work in November 2012,t he was in a completeled relationship which seemed to be coming to the end. His girlfriend at the time were living together, but he advised that their relationship was more like room mates, as they were no longer sexually active, eligably. However, we spent a lot of time together, meeting each other at lunchtimes and after work. I can say he was a complete gentleman and we were not sexual. We kept in contact daily on WhatsApp in the evenings, but wondered often of his girlfriend whether she really wanted a relationship or just somewhere to live as the arrangements were convenient. Anyway, they eventually threw the towel in and called the relationship quits. She moved out, but only to torment him further; asking to come back to starting over and wanted to start a family. It was a constant battle. When he rejected the idea as they often fell out, she went ballistic. She oftened called daily trying to pursued him to take her back and he finally told her that he was now in a new relationship.

We got together, seeing each other a few days a week. He wanted more and often approached the subject of being his girlfriend. It was too soon as he only just broke up with his gf after the New Year 2012 after an eighteen relationship. We saw each other casually – we were exclusive to each other, sexually monogamous. Until early that Summer she returned pleading her love for him. He had texted to say that she was in the house but he would not answer his phone calls and then boom replied by text ‘to be honest, I still have feelings for her’. You can imagine my state of mind and what I was thinking. As he wouldn’t reply to my calls or messages I made a decisive decision to confront him. When I arrived I was as made as hell but had bought my sister along for the ride for support and of course to calm me down. When he eventually came to the door after ringing his door bell for over a minute, he was only dressed in his boxer shorts and t-shirt. Now, can you imagine what my face looked like. I calmly asked for my personal effects without causing a scene or uttering another word and left with my dignity in tack with my head held high and drive home. I was so proud of myself not getting into a fight or exchanging any hurst regretful words. Anyway, the long and short of it she stayed at his home and with 24 hours of her visiting and staying the night, whilst he was at work she had taken everything she had bought for him and left the house and managed to dishonour him by getting access to his facebook account (tablet with no password) and wrote disgusting comments on his page. He was devastated and eventually made contact with after a week of embrassment. I the strong one took him back not knowing that he might just do this to me again. The trust had gone but tried his best to make up for the wrong doing. I did become a bit distant and needed time out to evaluate myself. I needed to set some challenges for my self and he gave me the time to do just that, but only to find out that he was now in a new relationship, which started, eligably a couple of weeks ago. I must admit that the time I had to improve a better me took three months without seeing him, but we were still spoke via phone calls and messages. I had accomplished my goals and was ready to commit full heartedly, but I was a tad too late. The obvious thing was just to leave him to it as he had placed his life on hold. He advised that he couldn’t wait forever and had to do him and get on with his life. I’m heart broken and still want him back; I’ve had the time to realise what I want and that is I want him back because I love him? Would the nc work or is there any point waiting out until he sees the light?
Marissa

January 27, 2014 at 1:36 am

My ex and i were friends in high school then started dating. We were together for 4 years and broke up a few times because i was unsure of my feelings towards him. I knew i loved him but wanted to know what else is out there. We always got back together and worked things out. I thought everything was going great between us until he told me two months ago that he knows he loves me but dont know if hes in love with me anymore. I broke up with him right away because i was very upset. I texted him and he spoke to me but never contacted me again. I texted him for new years and he responded. Then we had a big snow storm and he texted me saying becaureful out there. Tonight i texted him telling him that i understand how he felt and we are young and we need to grow on out own. And i dont want to be enemies and i wish him all the best. He responded saying he he feels the same way. It has been two months since we broke up. I love him and i want him back. But i dont know if there is a chance in the future for us. Did anyone ever experience something like this? Thanks for uour advice.
Jennifer Pedrazza

January 25, 2014 at 1:20 pm

How do I get the angry type of guy back? We parted and he said some mean things to mean but also said it was hard for him.

admin

January 27, 2014 at 6:28 pm

Didn’t I give a plan in the guide?

Heena

January 25, 2014 at 10:59 am

Hey Chris, so I had a turbulent relationship with my ex. We broke up multiple times but it was mostly because of distance and the frustrations of not being able to communicate well enough. He was abroad for 2.5 years and we stuck it out for most of it, then he broke up with me a couple months before he came back to the states since he thought I was being too naggy since I wanted to talk. But seriously, with the time difference it was really hard. He ignored me for those 2 months before he came back and then he contacted me once he was in the states. I loved him and I immediately took him back(which I think was a big mistake). I don’t think he realized the hurt I felt from being ignored and honestly thought I was being taken for granted because I was literally always there for him. So for that year we were mostly good. The biggest issue is that he is terrible at communicating. We would text a little in the morning and then all of a sudden he just would be really busy and never give me the heads up and then carry on with a short conversation through text at night to say goodnightt. And sometimes because of this, I would get sad and upset that he wouldn’t text me more or call me more. 2 weeks ago he ended it before my first day of a new job and it broke my heart because I knew we had something amazing. The problems were that he didn’t think he could compromise with me. I gave up meat to be with him and he said that he would give up smoking and try to communicate more, but he never did. He broke up with me saying that he loves me that it’s not the same anymore. Just that past week he was saying he loved me and missed me. I don’t want to think of that as a lie. Anyways, for the first week of our breakup, I deactivated my Facebook to have a breather. Then the second week I activated it again and started to post statuses about my new apartment and job and how I was super excited! I even posted some pictures. All the while, I have been doing no contact. It has been 13 days of NC. But to my surprise, he had JUST unfriended me on Facebook. He had never done that in the past and that surprised me quite a bit. Do you think that means something? He is quite the stubborn guy and he might not like that I am handling this breakup in such a good way. Maybe I got into his head? What does this mean? I still love him and want to be with him but I wish he could fix his communication problem and put me as a priority and not an option. Do you think he would contact me during NC? I don’t have any intentions on contacting him unless he contacts me first. Let me know what you think, Chris.

Heena

February 5, 2014 at 4:06 pm

He still hasn’t contacted me. It’s been 3.5 weeks. I feel like he doesn’t care anymore. I’m going to continue with NC still. What do you think is going on in his head?

Strong&Confident

January 22, 2014 at 3:59 pm

Thank you for addressing this subject!
I’m on day 10 of the 30 day NC program and each day that I spend in recovery convinces me more, how important it is to follow the NC rule no matter what!

I have been keeping a journal and writing my most embarrassing, honest, painful assessments and feelings in it. In the end, I may publish it for the benefit of others. So far I have used this time to be brutally honest with myself, confront my fears and embrace and learn from the pain.

One thing I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt, I NEED at least 30 days of no contact for my OWN recovery. And as much as I miss him and want him back into my life, I KNOW that contact with him now is the absolute worst thing I could do to myself.

I have received two emails from him and ignored them both. Sure, it felt weird to be rude, but then I realized something profound after the 2nd email – I owe him nothing. He hurt me and made me feel cheap and used, therefore, I have no obligation to reply to his messages. It is up to him to earn MY respect and my attentions and a few random, ‘friend zone’ emails are not going to do it. The little crumbs he tosses my way do not deserve any acknowledgement whatsoever.

The other thing the 30 NC rule does is, it takes the pressure off of me to come up with a reply to his lame efforts at assuaging his own guilt. I don’t have to think about his feelings right now, which is good, because I must focus on ME. It may seem cold and selfish but that’s ok. We all need to take care of ourselves if we want to be better human beings and bring positive things into the world. We all need to remember that we are worthy of love and respect.

I am using the 30 day NC rule to make myself strong and healthy, and at this point, I think I may use even MORE than 30 days. I feel no obligation to contact him on the 31st day. I will take as much time as I need to heal myself and get back on track, and who knows, I may not want to contact him at all.

Gris

February 3, 2014 at 7:58 pm

Strong&Confident I really needed to read that and I agree with you 110%! Thank you for sharing!

Jen

January 22, 2014 at 12:08 am

Does the 30 days begin when I make the decision to start it, or from the first time he contacts me and I ignore him?

admin

January 22, 2014 at 5:53 pm

First time you ignorehim.
Julie Tollemache

January 25, 2014 at 10:59 pm

Wait, 30 day NC starts from the first time I ignore him??? What if I made the last contact? Last contact I made I told him that *I* could no longer speak to him and needed peace. But he broke up with me. He didn’t respond so do I have to wait for him to try to contact me before initiating NC? Thanks.
Jen

January 23, 2014 at 1:06 am

Interestingly day 31 falls on Valentines day. Probably would be best to wait until the 15th, eh?
Abi Jaiy

January 26, 2014 at 10:12 pm

Hahah me too!! My 30 Day No Contact Rule ends on 15th February.

anna

January 21, 2014 at 11:39 am

I have just currently broke up with me boyfriend of 3yrs. I basically got sickof him putting eeveryone else before me. He never came to see me or did took me out all that much. But when we are together its more than perfect. He isnt a man to call or txt so it was always me contacting him. I got sick of it. He is a very stubborn man, and also probably fears. I love him dearly. But I want somethings to change and I want to be considered. Will no contact work? Will he ever wake up?
serafina

January 20, 2014 at 6:00 pm

Hey!
I have done the no contact now 30 days….this is so hard!My ex-boyfriend send me messages during my second and third week of no contact..he has a new woman but still he kept sending me messages….and now..nothing..he hasn´t contact me for one week. Is this “normal” that he is now ignoring me because i didn´t answer to his messages? I´m now 30 days of NC but im not ready to contact him. I want that he is the one who contacts me.

Abi Jaiy

January 26, 2014 at 10:15 pm

He has a new woman already in a month… Wow, probably not serious. And he probably didnt message you for a week as he can see that he was probably bothering you.
If your 30 days are over then contact him but then you said youre not ready so that means you didnt really griw from this. The whole point of doing it is to get out of your emotional state that your ex boyfriend left you in COMPLETELY

sara

January 20, 2014 at 5:10 pm

Hi. Im not in the case of a long relationship. we dated for a month,we met online, he hitted really hard on me and he seemed to be very interested in me. After 15 days he told me he wanted to slow down a bit as he was freaking up a bit with the fast pace things were getting. I was ok and took a passive actitute towards him, he wouldn’t call, I wouldn’t mind, he would text, I would reply..etc. I went on a trip a for some days and on my return he came inmediatelly to see me, took me out for drinks, diner..etc, like if he was very happy to see me. We slept together for the first time on that day. Next day he texted me a few times…etc.

Then I discovered he had been updating his online profile on the web we met each other, I didn’t like it, and I told him so (I know, my mistake, we weren’t exclusive yet), he replied angry to me explaining me “he was just removing some pics he didn’t like”.

Next day I asked him out for a coffee (with the hope to act relaxed and not too much bothered about his still going on online activity), he replied saying he was too busy to meet on that day. Immediately I asked him to maybe meet the next day. He never reply to it. Its been 5 days now of not hearing from him.

Now I have been left wondering if this guy is just scared by my pressure and I should apply NC and maybe contact him in a couple of weeks, or should I just move on as NC will not work.

Any opinions?
miss bee

January 20, 2014 at 4:44 pm

Hi Chris

So im day 22 into NC. My ex contacted me twice so far. He sent me a funny video around day 8 to test the water, and then he sent me a love song a couple days back.
just before I started NC he confessed he still loved me and misses me (even though he is the one who broke up with me). I asked him if he was single, he said “no, not at the moment” which kickstarted my NC
What should I do? Is there any hope for us or do you think he’s just being manipulative?
Amy

January 20, 2014 at 1:44 pm

Hey chris,
Me and my boyfriend broke up christmas time,we had been together a year and a few months for a while i begged and text him loads for him back until i found this site i started nc 2 weeks ago but i dont think he knows i have gone into nc and ive heard nothing from him at all but then i got told by a friend of his he is seeing and now in a relationship with someone else should i give up or stick to the no contact?

admin

January 20, 2014 at 7:53 pm

Stick to NC.

kiki

January 20, 2014 at 2:59 am

Well my ex & I got suspended for one semester from college for getting caught in the dorms & there was a lot of arguing after this, we broke up on christmas and I have endured a lot of pain from these big losts. ‘Im conflicted as to would this no contact even work because of this bad situation. Ive contacted him 3 times since but hes contacted me more having regular conversation, as if we are just friends or something & Im just really confused. Im not even sure which guy he is and I dont know if no contact would work, I just wanted your thought and advice? 🙁

admin

January 20, 2014 at 7:23 pm

You got suspended b/c you got caught doing the deed in a dorm?

Isn’t that what happens in all colleges?

Kole

January 20, 2014 at 12:12 am

my ex broke up with me 11 days ago i have being doing the no contact since the moment he broke it off. He just texted me today hoping i am doing well and what i wanted him to do with my belongings. I have not responded and i am
A. not ready to face him yet still trying to let my emotions settle, i am still very sad. I am however making progress.
B. i don’t want to break the progress i have made with no contact i am able to see what my true faults were in the relationship. I do want the chance to be with him again so i am cautious on what i should do in this situation.

Belle

February 5, 2014 at 1:33 pm

I am in the same position! What to do with NC if you still have stuff that needs moving at each other’s houses etc?
admin

February 5, 2014 at 7:01 pm

You can break NC for that little thing. You are entitled to your stuff.

zoe adamson

January 19, 2014 at 6:09 pm

Hi Chris. my ex broke up with me 2 mths ago. 5 year relationship. I did EVERYTHING wrong Cried, begged etc. He agreed to meet for coffee after I calmed down It was amazing! We held hands and looked into each others eyes. He texted me afterwards that he still loved me. The next day I said “lets meet for lunch” and he said no he didnt want to go backwards. He replies to me whenever, sometimes just walks away from text conversations etc. I feel like a doormat so I started nc day 7. My question is…..why am I in nc if he agrees to meet me for coffee and talk?

admin

January 20, 2014 at 12:53 am

Some time needs to pass for him to realize how much life sucks without you essentially.
zoe

January 21, 2014 at 5:02 pm

thanks chris, Im going to ask a dumb question that I already know the answer to but here goes… Will nc for a full 30 days along with your texting plan, get him to treet me with more respect when we interact? I mean, that hurts so much, having someone who couldn’t wait to hear from you basically ignore you.
zoe

January 28, 2014 at 5:12 pm

Well…day 15.felt really blue. my birthday! He texted me. first contact. “happy birthday, hope you are safe and warm” huh? “have a big piece of cake and be sure to get a long nap” wth does that mean?? is it a good sign he texted me even though its kinda cryptic? You know, I always thought I was mentally tough. Always thought I could handle things. This no contact is the worst!! I want to talk, I want to say things to make it right and I just cant! Amazingly hard! This is really a test for me. I didnt reply!! day 16
Abi Jaiy

February 1, 2014 at 7:01 pm

What do you mean, “What does it mean?” It just means he still cares for you. Keep up the good work! Delete his message so you dont keep looking at it xD

Oh so he contacted you after 15 days, he waited to contact you on your birthday right!
My birthday is next week, if my ex messages me Ill change my whatsapp to summat like “Thankyou everyone for wishing me a happy birthday, i cant get back to all messages, Quite bust atm”

Keeeeep it up! You can do it only 14 days to go… The days are quick xD I got 20 days to go
zoe

February 4, 2014 at 3:41 pm

day 22, almost over. It has gotten a little easier honestly. Have not heard from him since my birthday. All kinds of things are going thru my head but I have to believe that if there was anything left from our relationship then he is thinking about me and missing me. Dont know why but knowing he is suffering also makes me feel better. hahah kinda sick huh?
Abi Jaiy

January 26, 2014 at 10:33 pm

You need to understand he is a MAN not a woman it would hurt but it will build interest, it will build mystery. He will wonder what youre doing, if youre dating, how youre doing etc.
If he was a feminine man then he would of been harsh. This 30 day rule is brilliant because you get to grow from it, you work on yourself, learn from your mistake. Dont worry about him being a “in a relationship” pfft what relationship is “serious” in a blooming month none thats just fake. Dont worey girl keeep strong! Work om you!
zoe adamson

January 19, 2014 at 6:12 pm

btw..nc is the absolute HARDEST thing I have EVER done! but Im working out, running etc. trying to improve myself.
admin

January 20, 2014 at 12:52 am

It is so hard isn’t it?

Like you are having this battle with yourself.

Lily

January 18, 2014 at 8:06 pm

Thanks for this guide. I was dating a really great guy for 3 months and he said I was his dream girl. He said if he could build the perfect woman it would be me. He would go out of his way to make me happy and would also say he appreciated that I met him in the middle (unlike past girlfriends). I was hesitant in the beginning because he just ended a 4 year relationship with a woman. He said he had been over it for awhile and was working out of state so even though they had broken up only a week or two prior to us meeting, he hadn’t been with her in about 2 months. He seemed completely over her and was persistent in wanting to date me so I jumped in with him. Problems arose when I started to get depressed and more distant. We both were living temporarily in a harsh environment away from family and friends. It took it’s toll on both of us. He got emotional and needy and it turned me off one night and I said I needed space and just wanted to watch tv (after making love). I don’t remember saying the exact words, but he felt I said something to effect of “you’re acting like a girl.” He felt hurt and rejected. A week later he says his ex contacted him and he still has feelings for her. He later told me he is not attracted to her physically (she’s 9 yrs older and not very sexual) or at least has no desire to be with her sexually. He just felt comforted by her. This hurt deeply and we didn’t talk for a month until he contacted me. We talked off and on for a month, but he said he couldn’t talk about being in a relationship until he hears if gets a certain job. Even though he has a job, this other job would require him to move and so he felt insecure and uncertain. I saw him once briefly for work and he said he felt anxious. He is more sensitive than your average man and I wasn’t sure how to take it. I chalked it off to nerves but now haven’t talked in over a week. I’m not sure if I should practice nc after I unknowningly did it right after the break up because I will be leaving in a week or 2 for over a month and might end up moving away. So part of me wants to see him before I go, but then I think I shouldn’t contact him.

admin

January 20, 2014 at 12:40 am

Was the communication bad in the relationship?

I mean, if he didn’t feel comfortable with you.
Lily

January 20, 2014 at 2:09 am

We had good communication up until that last week we broke up. I was getting depressed and was being more short and distant. I didn’t know how to separate my feelings and communicate. He took it personally and then shut down with me. He actually got upset because he wanted to be more connected emotionally during sex and I was cut off. I made him feel like a girl and this hurt him deeply. Ever since he became less open to me emotionally and seemed more concerned wanting to keep it light and asking me to say sexy things or send sexy pics. It was like he was scared to be emotional again and would get easily shutdown if I brought up anything that reminded him of past hurt.

Miss B

January 17, 2014 at 4:13 pm

My ex is both stubborn and angry! (My fault… I was texting and another man… However it appears that that was a deal breaker for him) we were together for 6 years and engaged. I’m gutted what I did was stupid and I’m so unbelievably sorry. But no matter how sincere I am or how much I told him I was sorry and I’d do what it took to move past this it didn’t help. I have been in ACN for 18 days and I purchased a Esp program and have been doing that for 3 days. I’ve been studying and focusing on everything I have been told to do…

My question to you is he’s blocked my number (this I am sure of because I can no longer see him on whatsap…) and if he’s blocked me on there I am assuming he has blocked my number altogether… If this is the case when I am ready to end ANC what do I do if he still has my number blocked? Do I email him… What if he’s so hopping mad he’s blocked all forms of communication?? I mean if he is that mad at me…. It’s plausible that he’s done this right… If so then what?

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4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”