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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
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Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
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Post categories
cate
February 24, 2014 at 7:04 am
Me ex and I have been split for 7 months. He left after 4 years of dating. I never contacted him however he contacted me about every 10 days, via text, then calls. NOW….. he is showing up at my workplace and driving by my house. he left and now he is stalking me. I even think he is dating someone casually. I know our split was very difficult for him and he didn’t want to be alone.. If he left why is he stalking me????
admin
February 24, 2014 at 6:50 pm
That is kind of creepy I am not going to lie.
Probably b/c a part of him misses you.
Clary
February 23, 2014 at 2:13 pm
Hey chris,
You mentioned that it is possible to get a angry guy back but it will need a lot of patience. Does it mean that the no contact duration will be longer than 30 days? How can i get a angry guy back please help!
admin
February 24, 2014 at 6:02 pm
It may have to be a little bit longer but more of the challenge lies in how you approach him after the NC rule.
Kara
February 22, 2014 at 11:34 am
Hi Chris..I love the way you write. It’s bought a smile on my face for the first time in 2 weeks!
I really need your help though… I was with my boyfriend in a long distance for 4 years…he is very fickle and we have constantly been on/off
the aftertaste effect you mentioned was a somewhat negative one. Often I have pleaded for him to come back (which he uses against me) and also I was a jealous type.
But I used to visit his country twice a year for 5 months all together..I have also done a lot, sacrificed a lot and gave a lot.
I am hoping he remembers the good over the bad.
I am just wondering if the NC will work over Long distance?
I think he may be the angry guy..
admin
February 22, 2014 at 6:50 pm
Yes it can!!
Depending on how strong the connection is.
Kara
February 23, 2014 at 5:52 am
He told our common friend that there were a lot of core issues that were not right between us and he is very adamant that he is not going to change his mind this time.
I am very very scared… will the NC work? Is it just something he is saying at this point in time?
(ps: he is going through a stressful period himself wherein he is quitting his job and figuring out what he wants to do in life)
Jessi
February 21, 2014 at 2:51 am
we have been dating for over a year. He always contacts me when I leave.
Our last fight was after great emotional time of celebrating new years eve n the days afterwards, then at a certain point of the night we had a fight, I wanted to leave, n he just let me.
Then we didnt contact each other for 2 weeks, then I removed him from fb, 10 minutes later he messaged me a negative message n I respond likewise after 3 hours, that was Jan 17th, 34 days we didnt contact each other. Today he updated his fb status that “when the wrong people leave your life, good things start to happen.” n he has been posting several pictures of him running n with friends.
Sounds like he is using the no contact rule, what should I do?
Ellie
February 28, 2014 at 1:40 pm
My ex made comments like that too on twitter. He is just hurting and in the process is trying to hurt you. He is probably expecting you to react to his Facebook update all hurt and wondering why but you need to just ignore him and not let him see that you are bothered by it. That way he will wonder why you haven’t responded and will begin to feel anxious. This usually makes them want you more! Just don’t contact him… play it out and see what happens.
Lain
February 20, 2014 at 11:25 pm
I believe I’m experiencing the “angry guy”. I was the jealous type, and I didn’t have a whole lot of trust. He finally broke up with me after we kept butting heads, and post no contact kept saying “stop thinking there’s a chance, there’s no chance”. It’s been 2 days of NC, and the break up happened about 2 weeks ago. I guess I’m looking for a sign to continue. I know we can work together and I’m confident on my own behalf at becoming a better person. I’m just very unsure about how to proceed. He’s even blocked me from Facebook. How can he see change happen if he shuts me out? Please please help. I’m willing to try anything.
admin
February 21, 2014 at 6:17 pm
Has he blocked you from anywhere else?
Lain
February 21, 2014 at 6:41 pm
The only other thing he can do is text. He doesn’t have twitter or Instagram , anything like that
Lain
February 21, 2014 at 8:45 pm
Everything seems so hopeless. I am working really hard on my personal flaws, researching, studying, all of that. And at the same time reading your amazing blog everyday! This has been the MOST helpful of anything I’ve read out there. And it’s so awesome that you take the time to respond to all of these people. I need a pocket Chris! From what people have told me, my ex has been pretty happy go lucky on Facebook, which I believe is an act, as you would put it. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less. I’m not even sure if you could determine this , but does getting back together seem likely according to his actions and words?
Lain
February 20, 2014 at 11:34 pm
I have started a journal, to write in every day of NC. Just to let it all out without bothering him. I’ve even made an appointment to see a psychic. I feel absolutely pathetic, like he’s pushing forward with his life and I’m sitting around crying. I’ve tried to keep busy with friends , but the minute I get alone time it all hits hard and heavy.
justagirl
February 21, 2014 at 10:54 pm
Omg I am so in the same boat as you. This is the second time my ex and I have split. Each time we have issues we need to fix last time it was him, this time its me. I did no contact for three months last time before we spoke. He missed me just as much as I missed him. This time he broke up with me and moved out. Its so hard to stay positive sometimes. Especially when you love and miss them. Nostalgia is the worst lol. But unless the person is a total narcissist I’m sure he feels the same as you. One piece of advice I have take one day at a time and each day that passes that he doesn’t hear from you he will
wonder why. Also I recommend reading the book the secret by Rhonda Bryne. It helps me! Stay strong and hang in there. He will call I can almost promise…lol
Lain
February 20, 2014 at 11:48 pm
I may have also said things that I didn’t mean before starting the NC period. Like “when you realize you’re wrong it’ll be too late”. He said he doubted he’d be coming back , and it was too late for any realizations. I interpret that as anger, but I could be wrong. Any advice would be great. I can use all the help I can get. If you couldn’t tell.
Chrissy
February 20, 2014 at 10:06 pm
Hi Chris. My name is Chrissy and I just recently split from my bf because he’s messed up emotionally and mentally due to a break up that happened four months before we met (they were due to get married and he hates her and now has commitment issues). I had no idea about this relationship and he says he didn’t tell me because he was scared I would freak out and leave. He is now going to get counselling to try and sort out the issues in his head and he cries and tells me how sorry he is for what he’s done. Now this I where I get confused – he can’t commit and so we’re broken up, but he wants to keep in contact with me so he can tell me about his progress. Huh? I don’t contact him, he always contacts me – I’m having trouble trying to figure out what guy he is on your list?? Any advice would be helpful. Thanks 🙂
admin
February 21, 2014 at 6:12 pm
He seems like he is using you as a crutch to hold himself up emotionally (without commiting.)
Chrissy
February 22, 2014 at 6:59 am
So should I just cut him off completely? Sounds like I’m being used 🙁
admin
February 22, 2014 at 6:48 pm
I think you should at this point.
Jessica
February 19, 2014 at 2:46 pm
So after you make it through the 30 days, then what?
admin
February 19, 2014 at 7:29 pm
You send a text message… Have you read any of the other guides on this site?
Jessica
February 19, 2014 at 9:57 pm
No not yet
Jas
February 19, 2014 at 1:35 am
I’ve finished NC last night & am ready to move on to the next phase which is “texting my ex back”. I’m a little nervous because we ran into each other last Wednesday at a concert & there were butterflies. We had a great convo and he drove me home, saying he loved me before I left. Since we seen each other a week before NC ended should I start NC over? Start texting? Or wait a week?
admin
February 19, 2014 at 7:24 pm
No just start texting I think.
Steph N
February 18, 2014 at 11:46 am
I was looking through my ex’s pics on Instagram and I accidentally “liked” one of his pics. I immediately “unliked” but I know he”ll still get the notification sent to his phone. Should I start my 30 days NC over again. It’s been 5 days so far.
admin
February 18, 2014 at 7:24 pm
Na its an honest mistake you are fine.
Steph N
February 18, 2014 at 12:01 pm
Also the pic was a very old pic he posted over a year ago. That’s what makes it worst because I had to scroll through a lot of his pics to get to that one.
Tamsin
February 17, 2014 at 7:31 pm
Hi Chris,
I messaged beforehand but am still confused with my situation. I split up with my boyfriend if a year a week ago. Not a nasty break up, emotionally it got too much and he wanted to stay friends. Two days after we split he called asking for a recipe I said I would send if to him the next day. I didn’t and it resulted in 8 missed calls the following day. I eventually answered and sent it to him. I also removed myself from Facebook temporarily. I then discovered your NC rule and I am five days in and have heard nothing. Is he completely clueless or was he really calling repeatedly just for a recipe and that’s why I have heard nothing more? Or another week or so he will realise something’s up?
I greatly appreciate your help!
admin
February 18, 2014 at 6:53 pm
He probably will but if he doesn’t dont fret.
Nik
February 17, 2014 at 3:27 pm
Chris, help! Together 3 and a half months, lived about 2 hours apart so replied mostly on texts/calls. For three months it was totally amazing, no game playing, we text each other all day everyday and he made me feel so special – I could literally text him anything and not once have to wish I hadn’t sent it etc. . When we did see each other we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. I can honestly say I have never felt so comfortable and connected with someone. Suddenly almost overnight his work load doubled and our texts went from 100 texts a day down to about 10, this lasted a week, and then the following week I was lucky to get 5 texts a day. During this 2 week period most of his texts were him apologising to me for not being able to text me as he was so busy with work, but we still managed at least one long phone call to catch up each week. I wasn’t demanding, I tried to be understanding but he kept saying how bad he felt for neglecting me. We had arranged to spend the night in a hotel, this would be the first time that we would spend the whole night together. We had an amazing time, had dinner and drinks and back at the hotel was pretty awesome. Our conversations were about the future and meeting each others family etc. The next morning was lovely, we just chilled together in bed before going to get breakfast and saying goodbye. The rest of the week followed the previous pattern of dwindling messages and then 5 days after our night together he said he wanted to end things. The reasoning he gave was that he was so busy with work and he didn’t think it was fair on me because he couldn’t give me the time that I deserved – He thought that we should be just friends. To say I was blindsided was an understatement. I said that I didn’t agree and wanted to continue but I would respect his decision. I went NC for 5 days before caving in, we chatted on the phone like normal and he said he was surprised to hear from me so soon. 2 days later he text me asking how I was, we exchanged a few messages and he basically said his gut feeling thought this would be better in the long run. I went NC for 9 days (ignoring texts from him on day 5 and 6) then we exchanged a few friendly texts. What’s my next step? Should I start NC again? I don’t know if he’s giving me these breadcrumbs out of guilt or because he genuinely wants to be my friend? I’m of the opinion that if he truly wanted me he would have moved heaven and earth to make time for me. I don’t want to be his friend I’m just sad that he threw away something so amazing!
Suri
February 16, 2014 at 10:21 am
Me and my bf have been in relationship for 8 months. We usually fight out of small things all the time but right after that we came back together when we met up, we never say break up. Then last month, he had to be back to his hometown for straight one month. Before he went back, we had already fight a lot. Then i felt like he was getting cool to me, my calls and texts annoyed him, he said, he didnt text or call me as much as he did before, then i found out he talked to his exes (he has so many exes) and i got angry. He said it was nothing, i just called for saying happy new year. I realized myself have been very short-tempered, clingy, needy and jealous. We couldnt be together at this moment so it was so hard to solve. Then he said he didnt want to talk to me anymore, then few days later he said we should break up and stay friends. It has been only 3 days since we broke up. After that, he still contacts me, asking me which shirt to choose (he wants to buy some shirts), i had promised him to give him one before but now we broke up to he has to buy on his own. I politely answered, im not sure to strictly stop contacting him or just simply answer him when he contacts me. Then i went for a short trip, he knew where i went cuz i posted on FB. The day after he texted me if i have turned back to the city. I didnt reply, then he texted another one, why u didnt reply me ?i still didnt reply. Then i saw him posting a picture of hanging w another girl, eating sushi and coffee. I thought he might want me to get mad cuz when we broke up he promised to take me for sushi as i helped him for his project… then i replied on his FB that i have just come back to the city,is there anything ? i really dont know what type of this guy is. I really want to be back with him, cuz i love him. i dont know if i should stay connect with him or completely ignore him. He is young, 21, short-tempered, stubborn and wild, he is a truly sattagirius.
admin
February 16, 2014 at 6:32 pm
Well, at 21… no one is too mature. Some people do mature faster but he doesn’t seem to be that way.
Suri
February 17, 2014 at 4:00 am
should i just stop contacting him completely ? he asked me to hang out yesterday but then after a long discussion he said maybe tomorrow… i dont know what he really wants.
Suri
February 16, 2014 at 10:32 am
He didnt reply me on my FB message. And on his picture, a lot of friends of the girls comment things like, Oh!, Wow, etc… are they dating ? her friend think they are dating or they really date ? Is he mad at me and doesnt want to talk to me ?
Elle
February 13, 2014 at 4:39 pm
Hey Chris,
My apologies for spamming your site with all of my questions, I just find your insight very helpful.
My question is this: If HE was the one who did the breaking (for the second time- as I mentioned in a previous post), and he left the breakup talk with “if you ever need anything, I’m here” what do you think his attitude is during No Contact? I have implemented no contact for 5 days now and so far I have not heard from him, nor do I expect to seeing that he is the textbook definition of the “clueless guy” you described here. The breakup derived from an argument we had and his idea that in a good relationship, you simply don’t argue. I tried my best to get him to understand that all relationships require maintenance and effort, which he shook his head to and said no, that relationships shouldn’t require work. Do you believe that? I feel like there was very little room for failure in my relationship with him and our dynamics were a little challenging (long distance at times, moving together every 6mths, his friends not caring for me, etc).
So how do I know what his attitude is while we are in the beginning stages of our No Contact rule? Does he even realize that I have implemented the no contact rule? Without hearing from him, how am I to know how he feels about the loss of our relationship and if I should pursue him to reconcile? How do I know if he’s thinking of me and regretting ending our year long relationship?
If there is some way to find this out soon, I would love to know the secret. As it stands, I’m feeling like he just doesn’t care…and that wounds me deeply.
Any thoughts? I appreciate your advice.
Thanks!!
admin
February 14, 2014 at 3:22 am
Check out my latest guide.
I literally think that will open up your eyes a lot.
Michelle
February 12, 2014 at 1:52 am
I’ve been in nc for 5 days now and he texted me so you’re just not gonna talk to me now? I didn’t reply and I’m ignoring it. I know he’s trying to make me feel guilty but I feel like he’s gonna give up on me and not want to fix things now. He spammed me 3 days after we broke up too but I replied to him unfortunately and the next day I went back into nc. Do you think nc will still work for me or should I make it shorter. I’m determined to make him miss me like he never has before but I don’t want him to think that I’ve moved on or dont want to fix this. I don’t want him to give up on me.
admin
February 12, 2014 at 7:36 pm
You can always make it shorter but I would still stick with the 30 days.
Michelle
February 12, 2014 at 12:42 pm
A few hours after that text he sent me “k fine whatever”. Why’s he being so rude. I haven’t texted back but Im scared that he’s done for sure and i turned him into the angry guy.
Lana
February 11, 2014 at 7:03 pm
Hi Chris,
i have a question and that’s is very important, you can help me save my relationship, we’ll we have been seeing each other for 8 months now and we always got along together but we went to a dinner and he said he was going to meet his co works after and he said if it was okay for me I should said okay and I got upset about it cuz I wanted to spend the Friday with him so he tried to make it up and in the middle of the conversation he said let me show in ur phone where I will be and he got my phone and he asked the password and I got it and I put on the phone and he got mad at me cuz I didn’t want give to him my password and freak out saying I was acting weird and why he could not have my password and I explain for him, girls usually don’t give it but I gave to him after anyway, after that we were fine but he started acting distant, and I wait he say something but 1 week after I went to his place and I said he was acting strange and he said everything was fine, but I got his phone and I saw he was texting other girl and I asked him and he said he freaked out when I didn’t give my password and he started talk with that girl cuz he was scary to get hurt and for that he step back cuz he felt he was getting to close… Anyway he txt the girl and said he was seeing someone in front of me and he said sorry cuz he did that but nothing happened and if we could start from zero but it’s happened 2 weeks ago and he still a bit distance doing some progress, he saw each other Thursday and Sunday we went out all day and had a lot fun and on Monday he didn’t txt me all day. I want we just be back the way we were before and get his close again I don’t want he step back. Do u think this NC could work with him or what should I do? He is a bit scary of commitment but all his friends knows me and his parents I didn’t met yet but they know he have been hang out a lot and the way he talks about me for other people I can see he really likes me but I don’t want he’s step back and go distant so what should I do in this case? Thanks
admin
February 12, 2014 at 7:28 pm
I think NC can work with him yes.
You might also benefit from checking out my guide on commitment.
Rachel
February 11, 2014 at 12:25 pm
Hi Chris,
About 2 weeks into no contact my ex starts liking my facebook posts….then he has started posting comments on them…just short funny comments, and also mentioning my name in jokes he posts etc. He has never done this before, why doesn’t he just text me?? Is he clueless….I didn’t actually tell him I was going NC…or he is testing me ….I made the mistake of liking a comment of his but that’s it so far. It seems like bizarre behaviour when previously he was texting me constantly. I’m also worried he is trying to friend zone me,,,,thoughts?
Mich
February 10, 2014 at 9:59 am
Hi Chris,after 3 weeks of NC,i’m back to tweeting again,i mostly tweet about me being happy and being stronger, and my ex follows me on twitter. He sent me a text saying he knows what i’m up to and he expected this from me but it won’t change a thing,what does it mean? Fyi twitter is very popular here where i’m living,lol.
admin
February 10, 2014 at 6:57 pm
It means he is spying on you and you are on his mind hahaha.
Mich
February 10, 2014 at 10:39 pm
Im actually quite proud of myself,following your strict NC rule,even though sometimes it kills me when my friends tell me he’s flirting with his new gf publicly and a lot ppl know we are engaged. But i didn’t even respond to what they were doing because i know both him and the new gf are provoking me.
Jen
February 10, 2014 at 3:14 am
Hi Chris,
I ran across your site while I was looking for reviews on text your ex back… I’ll make my question short but do need to give some background info. I was dating my boss – we since have both moved on to different positions. We started our relationship only about 5 months after he discovered his wife of 14 years had had a 9 month affair. He moved out but they still see each other for dinner every night because of their kids. We were together for 10 months and he withdrew and said he needed some time to figure some things out. I said I would respect that and went nc for two weeks. But I got pissed when he didn’t even acknowledge my birthday and I basically sent him an eff off for good message to which he responded with a very sad message that made me realize he’s depressed again. So I emailed every few days to check on him but noticed him taking longer and longer to respond. I mirrored it but then something happened this week that again made me angry and I let him know about it. He responded with a text that basically said I did care about you very much, I just realized I’m not emotionally ready for a relationship. To me that was a game changer. Emotional unavailability is nothing I can do anything about. But I still love him. So I told him yes you did hurt me and now that you’ve td me that I will move on, good luck to you. Things you should also know: chemistry was always great, we didn’t have huge blow outs or do any ‘wrongs’ to each other really, sex was always amazing and we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other any time we were together. Is the nc rule something that can still work in my favor or are all these factors with him a lost cause?
admin
February 10, 2014 at 6:38 pm
Yes I think it really can work in your favor.
Jen
February 11, 2014 at 2:27 am
Even with the divorce factor and my maybe having been transitional? I always asked that I not be that and he swore I wasn’t but sometimes my head says I am/was. We started off as great friends though so I hope that changes it a tad. At any rate, thanks for the reply. I did remove him from fb- I do social media marketing for a living so I had to to get the temptation away. The first time when he said he needed a break ( early January )- I went about with being busy- losing weight- cutting my hair and he was ALL over the pics with likes and what not. So I want him to wonder… I also blocked him on chat. And changed the contact in my phone to: no don’t do it. Haha. I think it’s helping!
Annabelle
February 8, 2014 at 1:24 pm
We broke up a week ago, as he said he ‘can’t give me what I want’ and that he is scared he will hurt me… I’ve taken on the NC rule, however we have an event next Friday that we will both be at. Should I just skip the event? & all events from now on?
serena
February 8, 2014 at 12:31 pm
Hello, me and my exboyfriend broke up in october, we was so happy but things just changed within him that he felt we wouldn’t work in the future, we was so close like best friends and our relationship lasted 2 years, after 2 weeks of us being apart he claimed he loved me but as a friend and will be there for me, so we tried to be friends he seemed he couldn’t completely let me go. Well he started seeing someone in the december of which he didn’t tell me, he keeped it to himself its only through a friend I found out, so I texted my ex to ask he said it was only a friend but eventually admitted he is seeing her. So I wished him to be happy and he said he still wants my friendship. I love him to death but he stopped texting me and I had to initiate contact but he did reply always and said he just busy and that he still wants mt friendship. I replied to him that I want his happiness and that I’m not gonna contact him anymore and that I hope he is happy and I’m there for him, so I have now started nc and its been 4 days. I want him back so I don’t no what to do, it hurts deeply but if he is happy without me I have to let him go. I’m just confused to how he went from loving me so much to letting me go for another.. I don’t know if its a rebound as yes he meet her after only a month after we broke up from a 2 year relationship, but he sounds happy. I’m so hurt I just hope nc will help me heal and make him miss me.. Some advice would be nice.. Thank you x