The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Monique

June 16, 2015 at 12:26 am

Okay me and my boyfriend dated for 6 months and he broke up with me 4 days ago. Our relationship was very sweet and cute, but a lot of fighting. I was very jealous and he never could handle that jealousy in a proper way which drove both of us insane. The other night he was out until 2 or 3 am and we were already fighting a bit that day. I waited up for him and eventually got very jealous and had a screaming match on the phone with him. He was drunk and in front of his friends and dumped me. I blew up his phone, literally constant calling and texting. He finally picked up one time. I begged for him to stay, but he just had this mantra that it was over and we should go separate ways and that he needs space. That night I decided to go out with my friends. We were back at someone’s house and a green truck drove by twice and screamed at us. Later, me being a drunken idiot , I decided to go smash a beer bottle on his car down the block. He was outside when I got there, getting out of a green truck. Then a screaming match started and things got very ugly, he screamed at me to get out and his parents escorted me out. Twice. The day after i continued to beg until I started reading about NC. I basically left it off as “We both have our part in why the relationship has to end and I am sorry but it’s time.” was the jist of it. We have not talked since. Do you think there is any hope for us?
San

June 15, 2015 at 2:23 am

Hi i have been in a relationship with my ex boyfriend for about 4 years he was so loving towards me i was his life he life revoled around me. He was truely amazing. Of family matters i couldnt be with him and for me to forger him i tried to be with another guy but however it didnt last as i was forcing myself to do something i couldnt. My ex and i had stop talking for 2 years and now back in contact we met and so my sister asked him about us and he felt that he didnt love me anymore and he didnt have the same feelings for me anymore he also in the 2 years he started to sort his life out and career so he is always busy with that he said he wasnt intrested in being in a relationship anymore and that he thought we wouldnt work out. What shall i do? His a very honest person aswell.
Kris

June 14, 2015 at 4:12 pm

So my boyfriend just broke up with me 6 days ago and it was completely out of nowhere because I had thought the relationship was going so well. But he tends to hide when he is upset so I didn’t know he was feeling negatively. When he broke up with me, he looked like he hadn’t slept at all and looked really upset. I just stared at him and asked if it was a joke and of course he replied no. So I just walked away out of anger. Later I texted him asking if we were going to talk about it. And we did, every time I texted him he respectfully responded. But within the next 2 or 3 days I found myself begging and being desperate and becoming a text gnat (which I regret so much, I was not thinking clearly). We have been together for only 4 months but we actually had a great relationship. He had told me the reason was he wasn’t having as much fun as he used to and he felt like it became a “job” to him. He said he feels like he needs to take care of me too much. Which I do understand, I know sometimes I can be hard to deal with. But I really want to win him back and have a second chance to prove I can take care of myself. On the 3rd day of being a text gnat he finally said “I’m sorry I don’t want a relationship now it’s just too stressful.” And that one really stung. Sadly, that night happened to be the prom. And there is this girl he used to like in the beginning of the year but decided to just be friends because they fought all the time. During our relationship, I always had doubts because he still talks and hung out with her but I always trusted that he loved me. Now after this breakup, he is always hanging out with her again. Plus, he had posted a picture on Instagram of him with 10 other girls (him being the only guy) at prom with the caption “prom was a lot of fun with all my dates” and then a kissy emoji face. I couldn’t go to prom and was of course really hurt. Then for prom weekend he went down to the beach with that same girl. He is going through a lot right now: his mom needs to get surgery and his close friend just passed away from cancer. But I always tried to be there for him and was going to go to the funeral with him until he ended things. I’m currently in NC because I realized he needs time but I’m worried he won’t contact me. It’s only day 4 and I feel like I’ve been doing a good job. I’ve read almost every website on here but I still don’t know what he is thinking. I really care for him and I want him back but I don’t know how to if there is this other girl and he told me that a relationship is just too stressful. Help?!?
Alea

June 13, 2015 at 7:31 pm

I just got out of a year long relationship. We were long distance for about three weeks.(until I ended it) If we got back together it would still be long distance. I broke up with him because of some rumors that turned out to not be true. When I found out they were not true I contacted him and apologized and asked to get back together. His response was that he still loves me, but he does no want to be with me because our relationship has failed in the past. He said he would rather go be immature and mess around with girls than be tied down. I sent him a long message saying goodbye and thanking him for all the good times and I started the no contact period two days ago. Last night I received a message saying that he didn’t even read my message of closure. It was hard, but I ignored him. Today, his mom was texting me and I talked to her for a little bit.(we are very close) around the same time his mom was texting me, he texted me a very long message. He apologized for the cruel text he sent me last night. He told me he just wants to focus on his future and that I could still talk to him as a good friend. I did not respond. I am determined to finish the entire thirty day period. But I am a bit skeptical because he told me he wants to mess with other girls, he said we could be friends and we are long distance. I feel like he doesn’t truly care that we broke up. Does it sound like I have a chance?
Taylor

June 6, 2015 at 12:17 pm

Dated a guy for 5 months. The first 4 months were great with no arguments. The last month we started having arguments because I felt like he wasn’t spending enough time with me, communication problems and other things. I was unhappy because we were arguing too much and I know he was too. During a phone conversation, I asked him if he was unhappy and he said that I’m unhappy because I asked him that. After that, he ignored me for a week and eventually contacted me via facebook message and broke up with me. I am pissed. I replied back and called him a coward and said he was very immature. It’s been 6 days and we haven’t talked at all. He’s a stubborn guy. But I’m just wondering, if he were you, would you ever contact me? I don’t like to stay mad at people but eventually I want to be cool with each other. I’m not sure if I want to get him back at this point, but what would go through your mind if you were him? Or should I even think about contacting him after a month?
confused

June 4, 2015 at 2:05 am

Okay, quick background story. My ex and I have been broken up for 7 months but we were together for 3 years. These past 7 months have been one hell of a roller coaster. I attempted NC 3 times before and they all lasted about a week, but this time it is different. This time I really am fed up and ready to move on and work on me. However, I’m not saying that I do not want something with my ex in the future. Anyways, I knew the whole time that my ex never put too much effort into keeping me around because he knew I would never leave. I stuck around for 7 months with barely any work on his side, so why should he try? He practically admitted to it, and thats when I was fes up. However, I caused that on myself. I’m too caring and too giving. Anyways, when I established it this time, I had him promise me to always remember the good times we shared and that I meant every word I said to him. He did, and then I dropped off the face of the earth. He was clueless until the next couple texts he sent me. He ended up telling me he was done too then. Then he texted my mom to get her to get me to contact him. Then he texted me again telling me he sees the game I’m playing and to have a great life. I didn’t respond. The next day he texted me once in the middle of the night and asked if I was awake. I didn’t respond. The next day he texted me and told me he “needed me”, which he has never done before, then he called and then texted my name. I never responded. Tonight he called me and I didn’t see my phone because I was working out. Then I got a text from him saying that this was it, he was done and that all of the memories and times we shared are forgotten and that he was deleting my number (even though he has it memorized) and that there was going to be nothing between us. I never responded.

I would like to make it clear that he barely put any effort into getting me back and he practically used me. Again, taking me for granted because he thought I wouldn’t leave. He did begin getting better at the end of it, but still not enough effort to show he cared and he mentioned to me (not the first time) about me expierencing things with other guys like he did with other girls, and then he kind of gave me the hint that he knew I was never going to leave. Which sent me past my limit. He also ended the relationship, and got into partying, drinking, and sleeping with other women. But I was also his first love and I know when he said it he meant it because he is one of those people where he doesn’t just pull things out of his a**. He kept clarifying with me through the whole thing that he still wanted a future with me. I was stupid enough to stick around though and feed into his brain that I would never leave.

Do you believe that he meant it when he said he was done forever? What do I do? How do I handle this? If we don’t get back together, that’s fine, I can manage, but if he hates me forever, that will kill me. I seriously feel like he hates me now and he will never want me in his life and I don’t know what to do. Do you think this is out of rage and within time of continuing NC he will begin to let things soak in and realize what he’s done?

confused

June 5, 2015 at 10:51 pm

Well, things kind of broke loose. I ended up talking to him only because he began pissing me off because he kept threatening me. We talked about things. He seemed genuine. He thanked me for giving him another chance. He made plans to spend time with me today. He ended up confessing to me a huge secret that he could get in a lot of trouble for. Then I told him I was getting ready and that I would be over. When I texted him and told him I was on my way, he replied saying he wasn’t home. Well I texted him 3 times after that. No response. Then I called him and left a voicemail just to basically tell him to forget everything. He never responded. After crying for some time, and making a commitment to myself to block his number and move on, I decided to send him a long text. I did this because he has no one else, and being a true friend and his only supporter, I let him know that he needs to think about the decisions he is making and how it impacts his future. I said a lot more and then left it at that.

I wasn’t mean and definitely not begging for him. I’m honestly fed up and done. But I couldn’t risk letting go without that message knowing that something bad could happen to him.

I just dont understand. After all the freak outs and frantic calling. After he told me how he has a gift I gave him a long time ago that he carries around with him every where as his good luck charm. After he told me how he could fast forward time and how he wants to get married still. After thanking me for that last chance and saying he will try. After being so enthusiastic about spending time with me today.. Why would he stand me up? That’s what I keep asking myself but I don’t want the answer! Haha!

I am moving on and at this point I don’t plan on getting back together until he gets his head straight. But do you think NC will still work since I was the last person to say anything? Do you think if I stick to it, he will eventually miss me?

We have such a strong connection and I understand that he is confused and whatever. But it doesn’t give him an excuse to do this to me.. I just want to know if he will ever miss me..
Chris Seiter

June 4, 2015 at 6:39 pm

You should check this out,

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/what-your-ex-boyfriend-says-vs-what-he-really-means/

Melanie

May 29, 2015 at 2:06 pm

Does this NC rule work in a friends with benefits relationship if you want to upgrade to girlfriend? If so is 30 days enough time?

confused

June 4, 2015 at 1:05 pm

I would think so! I’m not sure about how much time though. But, he needs to think that he can’t have you if he doesn’t give you something more!

Kelsey

May 28, 2015 at 7:32 pm

Hi there,
I believe that my recent ex will probable send a mid contact text to me checking up on how I am doing. If he nicely does this, do I still not reply until the 30 days are over? I just dont want to seem rude and have him move on if I don’t say something short and sweet back.
Thanks so much!
Nicole

May 28, 2015 at 2:18 am

Hey Chris, I’ll make this short.

My relationship hit a rough patch, and I didn’t have the guys to end it. Until one day I finally put my foot down. A couple months back I broke up with my boyfriend, and he would beg and cry for me but I just didn’t feel the same. I just wanted some space to think and breathe, but I still wanted to be with him later on. Now when I was ready to start over, he doesn’t want to be with me. We talk here and there, but I don’t know where his head is at. He tells me he loves and and wants to be with me, but he’s hurt and needs time to think about what he wants. What should I do?

Patritia

June 2, 2015 at 9:41 am

Hi how long have you been in space or break? more than one month?

patrishia

May 27, 2015 at 12:31 pm

I broke up with my boyfriend 3 days ago after 4 years relationship. Because he doesn’t want a child at all but I want. In these days he has reacted like a mid caller to the NC. I miss him, and I am sure he miss me too, what should I do?

confused

June 4, 2015 at 1:13 pm

I think you need to give it another couple days, and then Contact him. This situation is different. I think you should talk to him and talk things out. However, if it doesn’t work out from there, then I would do full NC.

Lisa

May 27, 2015 at 4:41 am

Hi Chris, i know the NC rule is supposed to be for use after a break up but i have a unique situation, although not too uncommon.
I was contacted after 21 years by the man I have always considered to be the “love of my life” , who I had met and had an incredible soulmate-magical experience with while he was married , yet was living apart from his family at the time (1000 miles away, they were in a different state) .
He had children so even though it was terrible for me at the time, I could understood that he went back to his family.
Fast forward to 2 mos ago, he called me out of the blue to say he had never stopped loving me, and our love was real, etc. He wanted to know if I still had feelings for him, in case something happened so he could find me. He is yes, still married. His children are grown now, and he is in a good position financially with no mortgage. He had no idea how I felt but I do still love him very much and I am single at this time.
Anyway, we have been talking, mostly texting, and emailing for the last 8 weeks. He says he loves me, and is ready to leave his marriage, children are raised, take a chance, etc. But when his wife found our texts and emails, he initially told her he loved me but last texted me that he “told her he loves both of us – is that demented?”” What? yes it is demented, lol
Anyway, I think he does love me, but is so scared and guilty to leave such a long term marriage (over 30 years) that he cant go though with it yet. So I want to implement the NC Rule so he will not think I am a sure thing.
I Texted in reply ” just stay” and that was 1 week ago.
He texted to apologize for ” playing the psycho jerk card” 2 days later, and said he ” clings to thoughts of being in my life,” then on Day 8 he texted to “your love has taught me, please dont cut me off completely”….
I dont plan to respond for 30 days. He needs to know that I am NOT at his beck and call and I wont be in any ridiculous competion for his affections, so he can have 2 women fighting over him-
screw that!

Just curious if the NC rule would work in this type of situation. I think it will because hes already texting and shown that he wants me to respond. And hes not clueless, he got it right away.

I feel great about myself too, this is really the only thing I can control to gain power in the relationship. (or as they would say on Seinfeld to get “Hand”)

Thanks for all your advice!
Lisa
Kaya

May 26, 2015 at 10:59 pm

I am here to share my stories how effective this NC is. I’ve dated prototypes of men who swore they are “commitment phobes or never ever will marry.” I know they are just these trying to be cool so knowing my self-worth, i was there to date them to give them their own dozes of egoistic medicine.
I was never the type to call or beg for any man’s attention, i always maintain my chill when it comes to my suitors, i don’t believe they are really afraid to commit but they just need the right woman that has equal size of balls to prove them we are worthy more than any diamonds in the world. One of my ex ended up travelling from germany to japan and calling me long distance every single day since i went off NC from him bcz i am not agreeing with all his conditions to be exclusively stupid for him to wait at home bcz he never allowed me to party. He has this manipulative hitler syndrome which i persistently resisted. He never liked my stubborn personality and when he threatened he will never call for days if i won’t listen to him, the next thing i did was blocked him instantly in every social media and all the private portals of communication i have with him. I put him on my urban dictionary as “stalkative” a person who talkshit you while he stalks you everywhere to get your attention. My other ex who swore no woman on earth alive can tie his balls down the aisle ended up begging me to let him buy a house we can live together so he can move to japan bcz he cannot stand long distance relationship anymore.
Each men could be different so enjoy the chances of No Contacts when they give you reasons. I never fear losing an asshole because us, women conquers all and we will always be beautiful with freedom. The key is knowing your self-worth and do not bargain your dignity cheap to any form of enchanting assholes.

shub

November 2, 2015 at 9:36 am

I found my guy in a social media, started chatting day n night and finally we both fell in love. We use to meet every week end we both were close to heart decide to marry, but after 4month’s , he has changed, he stopped talking to me how he use to before.we use to have so many arguments, I looks lil bit plumply , he asks me to reduce my weight until he will not meet me and wont talk to me. But I can’t stay with out talking to him . I use to call him,there starts our problem,he will scold me. After 3 months. He said he will not meet me he doesn’t like to talk to me he lost interest in me, n he has to settled in his carrier, so he don’t want me to wait for him, if I wait for him also he can’t promise me whether he will come back to me. This is my problem now , we both stays in same area. But he never come to meet me he never speaks to me.I’m very much fed up .But I’m in a stage, I can’t concentrate on any thing, last we meet on feb2 , plz give me some suggestion to get him back in my life.

Raz

May 24, 2015 at 3:20 pm

Dear Chris,
He broke up with me for some reason and went to a trip without me while our plan was going to that trip together ( his friends invited both of us to the trip). Now I started NC, having no problem at all and I am comfortable with that. My only concern is he just graduated and he is looking for a job so he will move to a town which he will find a job there probably at the end of the summer. I am afraid he will move and start his new life in another town (which I do not know even where) and forget about me forever. Should I go on with NC? What if he move to some other place?
winnie

May 23, 2015 at 5:27 am

Hi Chris,

I am married with 2 kids and 1 on the way. My man had always been loving until 1 month ago i found out an affair he just started for a week. Things were still alright until i couldnt bear 2 weeks later and contact his new gal. She broke off with him and he manage to find out that both of us had been contacting but we denied and that piss him off. He said he found another one better and does not need the 2 of us anymore.
He move out last fri when he told us and show us evidence that we contacted. He felt betray =.=.

I want him back i began to beg and ask him to stay but he didnt saw him a couple days ago and we had a small argument and he decide not to complete his course anymore. He had mention he want to divorce and will do so after our house is here about 2-7yrs down the road depends on the legal requirement.
Throughout we txt daily. Bt ytd after he ask me to go away, he felt tt i am pestering him and spamming him. i had stop texting him since ytd evening and decided to do the NC. We been tgt for 8yrs married for 4. Guess now he suit the angry man.

What should I do? Does NC work and how? As the angry man I did not manage to get a very detail explaination of it. Does 8yrs of love fade suddenly? He claim he had lose the feeling over the years. But u knw when one say so u will be able to feel it. Bt he still does extremely nice things like sitting at a cafe to wait for me to complete my overtime daily despite i ask him to go home. So if he say he doesnt love me then why would he do so?

I am actually pretty scare. My 3rd one is coming in aug and I am afraid that he will really leave us.
Jen

May 22, 2015 at 3:59 am

Hey Chris, hope you have the time to answer this. Thanks for making the interface organized it helps me navigate a lot. Anyways, straight to it. I broke NC after 10 days ON ACCIDENT. He called me w a diff number and I picked up. I responded coldly and then hung up the phone after saying Goodbye. The thing is.. he’s stubborn and prideful and from my response I have the feeling he’s never going to call me again. I guess this is fine..but I just want a logical or rational answer so I can move on with my life instead of just aimlessly wondering if I still have the chance to make him regret the break up.

Chris Seiter

June 1, 2015 at 6:24 pm

Unfortunately you have to go back into NC.

mc

May 21, 2015 at 8:23 am

Hi Chris! I have a few questions for you. I am with a mid caller guy. He texted me on the 10th day four times saying that he misses me. Here are his texts:

– MC, I really dont know. I am missing you already. I want to go far away from you but I just cant. I miss you. You are always on my mind.
– You always.
– Whenever I go home from work I change my route so that I can pass by your house in the hope that I might see you. Look I cant hold it anymore. I miss you.
– So this is what space is. (Bad word) I miss you already.

I did not reply. But I wanted to. He originally wantef to broke up but I begged him so it ended up for him asking for space. I did NC for 2 days, and started sending goodnight texts. Then I left apology gifts twice at his work discretely. He was annoyed and texted me to stop and that I should stop my effort and just wait. Then I did not contact him for 10 days then he texted.

Now here are my questions:
1. Why can I not reply to his texts? He is being honest with what he is feeling and besides it was all my fault. I slapped him and made him lose face in front of his family and friends. His parents even told him to break up with me. The first time I made him lose face, he easily forgave me after 3 days even his parents do not want to swe me anymore. We would go out secretly. On the second time he got really furious and he was pushing me. He even threatened me he will ask help from my mother and changed his number And that I should stay away from his friends and family. I also said hurtful things to his friends. Ugh. He told me I was ruining his life. I just did what I did when I found out that he has been constantly lying to me. But before that we have minimal problems. We always solve our problems in one night. Now since it is my fault I feel that I have no right to ignore him or maybe everything will be back to normal because he is reaching out to me.

2. Will he get mad? Will he even reply when I contact him at the end of NC? I am planning to text him this:

Hello. I already watched Midnight in Paris. It made me think about you 🙂

Is this text okay or can you improve it a little? We always watch movies and this particular movie is suggested by him few years back for me to watch but I have not gotten a chance to watch it.

3. Can I call him what Im used to calling him? We call each other “babe” or “baby”.

Thanks so much Chris! I have read a lot of articles and videos online and your guides are the best. Im sticking to follow only your guides 🙂

P.S. I think our situation got worse when I started begging and text terrorizing. I even said sorry to some of his friends and family excluding his parents and it got worse although his friends and family have forgiven me already and give me pieces of advice.
Mia

May 21, 2015 at 5:01 am

My ex and I were together for almost eleven years. The last two years we have lived apart, but still saw each other and a break up was not an option. A year ago, he moved back to Jersey, with the intentions of coming back Florida. For the last three months he has been living with a woman whom he had been hiding from me for about six months, I only found out the truth because she answered his phone, of course I went crazy, because just days before that, we were talking about him coming home and how much he loved me……. There have been infidelity issues on my behalf, up until this he was the perfect man in my eyes. I am only one week post break up, day two of NC, and deeply wounded. I am in love with him he is the love off my life. A third of my life spent with him….. I guess my question is, should I even bother at this point since he basically broke it off over someone else??

Mia

May 21, 2015 at 11:40 pm

Oh yeah…. And just three days ago he texted me and told me again that he is not happy and does not love her!
Mia

May 21, 2015 at 11:38 pm

Other than this situation, he was the perfect man. He treated me like a princess and he was wonderful to me for most of the 11 years we were together. We have not lived under the same roof for almost two years now, but we never “broke up”. As I mentioned before, I only found out the real truth about her last week. I am so anxious, angry, hurt, confused, lost….. He has never done anything like that before….. I want answers and I have been the crazy text/call gnat! He’s the perfect man, he tells me he is not happy with her and that he does love me. He asked me for time to figure things out, but once she was in front of him the whole story changed. He told me while she was next to him that she makes him happy, but will not say he loves her, he stands firm stating he does not love her. I want him back so bad, we have so many wonderful memories together, so much history…… Do you think there is a chance, he is not a bad guy, he really isn’t. He’s pretty much said she was there when he needed someone, now that he is in Jersey. He’s 49, she’s his age…. I am 36
Chris Seiter

May 21, 2015 at 3:53 pm

Are you sure you want him back?

He seems very bad to live with that woman for tha tlong.

K

May 21, 2015 at 3:28 am

Before I implemented no contact.
I deleted my ex off every social media platform. We basically broke up after I agreed to a month break &his time apart turned into ‘i don’t know whether I want to be in a relationship, the demand. It’s nothing personal’
I felt strung along and I had exams so I ended things . Told him the waiting was too much for me and I think we should just end it. I still wanted to be with him but if he wanted me he’d be with me. During the break he’d come with all these nostalgic things or say he saw my friend. But anytime I’d ask about us he’d say he’s confused and he didn’t know.
Now, on to the story…
He text me asking me if i was okay and why did i delete him from snapchat (i post EVERYTHING on snapchat& he knows this so maybe thats why). I told him i did not want to drag things on and i thought it was for the best. He said “so we can’t be civil” I said that doesn’t mean we can’t be civil&I don’t know whether I was ready to be. To which he responded ‘alright’
A couple days later he messaged me multiple times saying if i was okay, that he was worried about me and that i should at least msg him so he knows I’m okay..then he said please in a seperate msg. Lol
I did not reply… 5 hours later he called me. I did not answer.
I feel so bad but its been quite easy not to reply.
I’m just wondering why he’s so bothered after all this…. I’m now i thinkkkkk 6 days into no contact&i do want him back. But i’m just wondering what is going through his head right now…

Chris Seiter

May 21, 2015 at 3:52 pm

Not sure I would have deleted him of all social media. I usually recommend using it to incite some jealousy but no biggie.

random

May 18, 2015 at 9:31 pm

Hello,

I have the angry guy right now. What do I do other than no contact?
Because if he won’t contact me and wants nothing to do with me, how can you change that?
Megan

May 17, 2015 at 3:26 am

Chris,
I’ve been best friends with my ex for five years then we got into a long-distance relationship, and when he moved four hours closer with his job, he broke it off with me after seven months of being together. Before we broke up he was telling me how he couldn’t wait to propose to me and we were planning on me transferring to a college near him. When he broke up with me he said he didn’t want to be tied down early and didn’t know if he even wanted to get married to anyone. he said that as of now, he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone, not just me, and that he isn’t talking to anyone else right now but “no promises.” He said maybe in six months he will feel differently and want to get back together. I made the mistake of sleeping with him multiple times( I know, I just thought that it would persuade him to get back together). He doesn’t text me first anymore, or call me. Sometimes he’ll ignore my messages completely. He told me “I love you as a person, but i’m just not in love with you anymore.” It’s been a little over six months since the breakup and I’m just now starting no contact (On day three). However, is it too late to implement no contact? What are the chances we would get back together after six months of being broken up?

Thanks,
NEEDTOKNOW

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4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”