The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Marta

May 16, 2015 at 7:39 pm

Hi, what if he left me for another girl and still wants me to keep in touch with him? He is dating her now, so should I start NC? He has her now, so is there a possility that he care about my NC?

Chris Seiter

May 19, 2015 at 6:19 pm

I wrote articles on that situation.

Deborah

May 16, 2015 at 4:44 pm

Hi Chris,
Now this is weird. I have been best friends with this guy for over 4 months now, and last month after the college ballroom dance party of which he was my partner he and I started dating. After coming home for vacations we realised we had fallen for each other and just got caught up in the relationship game. however it got out of hand, we started expecting things from each other and we decided we were better as friends. But now that I have started being romantically inclined towards him it is just very hard to be “just friends”. This is sure ruining our friendship and I am having a hard time dealing with it. Should I apply the NC rule? He texted me after 4 days of NC. What now?
graze

May 16, 2015 at 7:31 am

Sorry for the double post i thought it didnt work the first time

Chris Seiter

May 19, 2015 at 5:56 pm

All good.

GRAZE

May 16, 2015 at 5:49 am

Hi Chris!

I am on the 22nd day of my NC. my ex has been calling me and texting me how i am. he texted yesterday and he said that that would be his last attempt to call and hope i had forgiven him then wished me happiness in my life. i never answered his calls and texts since day 1 of NC. was he just bluffing thinking i would fall for that trap? we’d been dating for 4 years and the break up seemed to be a negotiation that we’ll be friends and we’ll keep in touch but that is just hard for me. Should i go on with the NC? Thanks! 🙂

Chris Seiter

May 19, 2015 at 5:54 pm

Yes you should.

Baylee

May 15, 2015 at 6:21 pm

Hi Chris,

I have read your blogs and I wanted to thank you for your advise and honesty.
My situation is pretty unique considering that I am a single mother(36) of a teen
(14) and my ex (26 and can be pretty stubborn) is 10 years younger than me.
We had a great relationship (tons of great times, support and respect)
for the last 10 to 11 months but he broke up with me about two and half months
ago because he said he could not get use to the fact I was a single mom but he
was happy with me and our relationship.

The confusing part was after I tried to do no contact but he kept contacting
me to see how I was doing, to see my pet (he loves this dog) and to give me
money to pay for things he promised while we were in our relationship. So
I broke the no contact a few times during the two months of our break up
and reached out to him about 10 days ago putting it on the line that I was
interested in trying again (big mistake) he responded with the following:

” As I have told you I don’t want to be in the relationship, I don’t want
to make you sad.. So I think you should move on…” but it was his actions that
lead me to believe that he was unsure and many comments that he made saying that
“even if he wanted to come back I (me) would never trust him again.”

I promised myself I would not write a novel and keep my fingers crossed that
you could answer me, the whole thing is confusing. I have been doing NC for the
last 10 days and he contacted me two days ago to see my pet
(he loves this dog and paid to get him fixed) I of course did not answer.

Do you think I have chance of starting something new with him ( I agree it takes hard work) or should I just cut my losses?

(This might be a great article to post there are a lot of single parents dating out there;)

Chris Seiter

May 19, 2015 at 5:42 pm

You want me to write one for single moms?
Baylee

May 15, 2015 at 6:24 pm

Sorry not sure why my message posted like that;(

sherrie

May 15, 2015 at 5:17 am

Um.. my break up happened a little differently; I will do my best to keep it short: My ex and my brother work together so 1 day my ex was talking to my bro and told him that we’re great when we’re together and everything is wonderful, BUT lately he (my ex) has not been happy in the relationship and that he has been faking everything- my brother then gave him a week to tell me-this happened on a Wednesday- fast forward to next Tuesday, my brother called and was sounding weird on the phone. He then asked me if everything was alright- I said yes…what/ why? he then said “you don’t know?” KNOW WHAT ?? He repeated what my ex told him- by the time I got off the phone i was in a panic and frantically calling my ex…. He finally called back and asking what happened. I told him and all he said was ” I didn’t mean /say it like that !” when i couldn’t reach him-I left a message telling him that we were done and it’s over..HOWEVER, I didn’t expect him to just shut down all communication. He never called me back once he made it home and stonewalled me for 3 or 4 days- I BROKE EVERY BREAK UP RULE KNOWN TO MAN !! all of them- i called and left messages and ignored me. He talked to everyone but me about the situation. When we finally had a 5 minute talk on the phone- i wanted him to come over so we could talk- we made plans 3 or 4 times and he never showed up for any of them. The last time was suppose to be this past Monday- he didn’t come or call. In fact he sent my calls straight to voice mail…I was /still am deeply in love with this man and thought we were on the same page- we had been together almost 7 years and in an instant EVERYTHING CHANGED AND MY HEART and SPIRIT are crushed. I left a nasty message on his cell and he has not spoken to me since, but still talks and goes to lunch with my brother..He’s already trying to get other woman-he also told my brother that he blocked my number and the only way I can reach him is through email. I have no idea who this person is anymore..all i know is that he has a deep seeded hatred for me because there’s is no way that this man ever cared for me and i’m having a difficult time coping -I feel abandoned, betrayed, embarrassed…and unloved. Part of me wants him back and part of me wants to hate him, but I can’t. I never got any closure, no sit down and telling me what happened..he just turned his back and walked away.

Chris Seiter

May 19, 2015 at 5:33 pm

Definitely go into NC.

I think the dust needs to settle. Especially after you left that nasty message on his cell.

Sofia

May 14, 2015 at 6:51 am

Hi Chris,

The NC is truly an efficient method. Relationships are bound to have heated arguments and harsh words. NC is another alternative for couples to let off some steam. I feel that the NC is not only be used for that but it can be used to create “the chase” again.

I love this NC. I can just enjoy my time away from my boyfriend. Besides, we need tell women that to be in love with yourself is the utmost importance cos bfs love themselves too much.

Great advice!

Chris Seiter

May 14, 2015 at 3:55 pm

Thanks Sofia!

I think a lot of people needed to hear that.

Kitty

May 14, 2015 at 12:33 am

Hey Chris and anyone else who would like to answer my question,
I have a guy that may fall somewhere between clueless and stubborn. I say this because he told me he needed space so he may think that my “no contact” is me giving him that space. He also is known to call me randomly but if I don’t pick up once, he becomes extremely stubborn and sometimes angry. But he doesn’t hold grudges and moves on quickly.
Should I still enforce no contact?

Chris Seiter

May 14, 2015 at 3:54 pm

Yes you should still enforce it.

lisa

May 11, 2015 at 1:02 pm

Hi Chris,

Ive been atext gnat to my ex since we split a week ago – problem is sometimes he replies adn is really nice, sometimes he ignores and then other times he says delete my number I feel smothered.

Im going to try no contact but find it really hard – I emailed him this morning about my son and he not replied – so dont know if he wants me to contact him or not as he hasnt said go away – in my email yesterday I said I wouold give him the space he asked for last week and see how he feels in a few days – so im clinging to the hope that he is doing just that and seeing if I will back off. Its hard when you are used to chatting to someone so much tho – he was so different when we were together the first year, he has changed so much I dont know if the man he is now is the real one or the man I had for a year. Im his first relationship since his divorce and he said he is struggling to get his head together. I just find it strange how a guy can go from one day sending a text saying you looked good tonight to the next night I dont want to see you anymore 🙁
linda Mitchell

May 10, 2015 at 9:51 pm

What I really want to know.. is will the no contact get my ex back and also to propose to me ??? Me and my ex broke up because I want marriage and he doesnt , so now imh doing the no contact as he still wanted to be friends.
Blythe

May 9, 2015 at 8:51 pm

Hello there Chris!
My question is that will the NCR still work after a few days after the break up? I was emotional and talked to him after but I am now on day 8 of the NCR. Do I still have a chance?
Marissa

May 9, 2015 at 7:08 am

Does social media count in the no contact rule? My ex still likes and looks at all my social media even though i don’t like his. Is that okay or do I need to cut him off from that as well?

Chris Seiter

May 11, 2015 at 5:35 pm

Nah you can keep that up as long as you don’t respond.

Tania

May 9, 2015 at 2:49 am

Hi Chris!
I’m really confused as to what to do! I had a long distance relationship, I would only see my bf on the weekends.
He suddenly told me this was not working anymore, I thought he was playing but when I went back home to meet him, he had all my stuff at the door and his mom was the one that lend me into the house just to get it and he blocked my calls, I could make contact with him at all! I was so frustrated.. after like two weeks I went back at his home, he was there I told him If we could talk, and that I want it a reason for the breakup. He told me he had read some texts I had with a girlfriend and that I was talking bad about him to her, and he felt betrayed and hurt because I did not respect him. I understood it was My mistake so i literally begged him to forgive me, and he did (apparently) we were together on the weekend, he was happy and I was too. I know for sure he stills loves me but as soon as I left, he did not reply nor answer my calls.. and I asked him what happened? and he said he as feeling bad because he took me back and that he did not want to be with me anymore. I begged him again, but he said I should not insist anymore. I did not text him that day again, but the next day I asked him to give me another chance. he did not reply. It has been a week since then I’m applying the NC rule, but do I have any hope? I know I hurt him, i don’t know if he will forgive me even if he loves me..
Sheri

May 8, 2015 at 5:06 am

Ok…so what about the Houdini guy? I was with him 5 months til he just stopped talking to me one day…literally…it lasted four and a half months then he responded one day randomly…..its been a year and half since and he’s held me at arms length til January it finally started to feel like we were moving forward and BAM he’s gone again….. Thankfully…i didn’t blow up his phone with texts this time….i sent him a text every week or two until Easter…. That was the last. Its been 32 days of NC. What now?
Deb

May 8, 2015 at 12:04 am

Hi Chris,
I’m confused and stressed and need your advice.

I met a guy on-line we’ve been dating for 3 months. We had a good connection from the first meet and greet. We’ve taken things slowly. He’s newely divorced like within 10 months and still figuring on how to be a single Dad.

So we both discussed how we don’t easily find connections. We also were both on the same page for taking things slow. To fast forward to now. I have recently been bothered by him keeping his profile up on line. He says it was just a bit of an ego boost and that since he’s met me he hasn’t met anyone new due to his lack of time and that he like me. I’ve expressed to him I’m looking for something with substance and growth and he agreed with me a few weeks ago.

Now just last Monday we got into a discussion again and he said he really liked me but was having a hard time with figuring everything out and he’s come to a crossroads over his lack of time and being a single Dad. He offered to keep things going the way they were but couldn’t promise anything more. I wished him all the best and told him I was stepping away. This seemed to bother him as he wanted to stay in touch and I told him NO I didn’t need anymore friends. When we hung up he’s said we will be in touch.

This was on 4/27 I have not heard anything from him and have to admit it’s killing me. I really thought maybe he’d come around. We did really enjoy each other’s come or so I thought. I refuse to contact him because I really stand by my decision. I do miss him. Any advise??? Do u think this no contact rule was smart of me??

Please any suggestions or advice??
pghcomm

May 7, 2015 at 3:24 pm

Hello-
I left a message the other day and it is not appearing anywhere. I hope you get this and respond. My boyfriend and I dated a little over 2 years and ended breaking up a little over 3 weeks ago. During the first week and a half we texted a little but when I finally decided I should implement NC it was to tell him via text that I was not going to an event that weekend with him. The only reason why the thought about going was still there was because of a plane ticket. I ended up not going and since the day I texted him I have not contacted him and I have no heard anything from him. I am no on day 15 of NC. The reasoning behind us breaking up was that he wasn’t sure that I was the one for him and I only made him 3/4 of the way happy and the other 1/4 he was frustrated due to not being on the same page all the time. He said he wanted to see if he could deal with that the rest of his life. The last time I talked to him prior to NC he said that it didn’t bother him being apart. I never thought at any time that we would have broken up. I would have worked on things if I would have know it was that bad and would have led to a breakup. My question is we are both involved in the same organization and the get together is on day 28 of the 30 of no contact. Should I still go? If I go do I talk to him? What if he asks to ‘talk’ after the get together? I honestly think he is unsure of commitment. We talked about marriage and kids before and when I brought that up during the break up he said he was trying to think of positive things to get him out of the mindset but it didn’t work. He has not blocked me on Facebook but some of his friends did on other social media. We have both hidden our relationship status, but it still comes up on my internal page because its just only visible to me. He did that right away after the break up and changed his picture a couple days later. Should I completely remove our ‘in a relationship’ status and mark myself as single and make it visible? I want to see if we can get back together and that is why I visited your site and bought the ebook, but I just don’t know. I think he is being completely stubborn. I also saw on social media before I was blocked a girl that he went on dates with before me and now she is coming around again. I’m half afraid during no contact he is going to get bored being by himself and move on. He is doing things that I would have never expected him to do before and ultimately is showing no care at all that our relationship of 2 years is over. Please provide insight/comments/suggestions about facebook, no contact, get together meeting, etc. At this point I’m half way through NC and I’m feeling very down when trying to feel positive about the situation. There was so many things we talked about and wanted to do and now it appears that it never really mattered at all to him. PLEASE RESPOND. THANK YOU.

pghcomm

May 7, 2015 at 4:40 pm

Sorry one more addition – I also know that he will not contact me unless I contact him. He knows that once I’ve broken up with someone that I rarely ever are friends with them afterwards. His previous relationship when he broke it off with a girl she told him to never speak to her again and he hasn’t. So I know he has the will power not to talk to me. I didn’t say don’t talk to me ever again it was basically left with we are breaking up lets see how it goes (his words mostly). He said that if we keep in contact most likely it will help us get back together again – so I’m worried that NC is not helping. I just think the overall reason for the break up is BS.
pghcomm

May 7, 2015 at 4:34 pm

Just to add we were basically living together. The day after we broke up, I went in and moved all of my things out of his house. He mentioned during the first week and a half (while still texting and emailing a bit) that he didn’t expect me to do that and he thought that I would come back to get my things at some point and we could talk then. He said he still wants to be friends, go out to dinner and drinks while he is thinking about everything, but I don’t think that is fair to me. I didn’t want to break up. That is why I implemented the NC rule. Why should he have the best of both worlds when I was willing to give myself to him and he gave up on our relationship so easily?

Peaches

May 6, 2015 at 7:33 am

Hi Chris, what if he was the one who initiated the NC rule? I remember when he broke up with me he was saying things like “hey lets try this NC rule, go cold turkey and do not talk to each other until the feelings gone…” In this case, would NC rule still working for me to get him back?
Benedicta

May 4, 2015 at 11:24 am

hi Chris,

Actually I already wrote you another page. I have some questions:

1. he told me that he needs some times to know, if he loves me or not. In which category is he?
2. we break(not yet break up) for a view days, but he contacted a view friends of mine directly on the first and second day after took a break examples: he offered help to my friend if my friend moves to another house, and other situation he asked my friend if I was at the choir, although my friend said that I was sick and could not sing. Does it mean that he misses me or just a casual conversation to know about me but without any kind of feeling?

thank you very much:)
Lea

May 3, 2015 at 7:08 pm

What happens if is him who decided to break up the relationship ( you were living together) and when you do the NC rule, all the 30 days he didnt contact you even once! What does mean? He really wanted to break up and he moved on? I must send him a text? Or I must forget him and move on too?

Thanks.
Tracy

May 1, 2015 at 4:47 pm

this is all great im currently going thru the NC and my husband is in the angry stage, but my question is what happens after the 30 days ?????????? I mean do I just pick up the phone and contact him , please advise you explain the process of the NC except what to do when the 30 days is up , Thank you 🙂

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4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”