The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Diana

August 21, 2015 at 12:36 am

Thank you for the article!

My ex and I have dating for 3 months. We are in our 30′ sand things were going very well… until I lashed out. We are both very busy and I have a tendency to lash out when we were unable to meet as I took it as he didn’t valued me. This had happened a few times already and he’s already given me the ultimatum the last time he forgave me. I know I probably don’t deserve another chance but I really like him and do want a future with him. In our last fight I basically told him I wasn’t happy with him (I totally regretted it) and we said our Goodbyes. That was 6 days ago and I haven’t heard from him since then. I tried to call/mesg him the first couple of days with the usual explaining, begging and pleading, but stopped after not hearing back at all It’s been 3 days since I last contacted him. I know I am supposed to use no contact for 3 weeks but I’m not convinced that he will contact me during or after the NC period.

Any wisdom to share?

mesterious

September 2, 2015 at 1:09 pm

i think the no contact rule is not really neccessary , because i used it also from my ex , i totally no contact with him and he would never interested in getting together ,even he was the father of my child. what im trying to say is, once your exes contacted you, you should be answer them , because it shows that you have valued him and respect him , and he will feel better . and days later he will decided to comeback to you . Just dont contact Him first , let him contacting you First . so that he will not think you are pushy .
show him still your goodness to him , cos he will compared you to his other mates , and that he will think your the best for him ,…

let me tell you this , about my ex husband , who dumped very long ago , then i had tried the no contact rule . then after one month he contacted me yes , then he married with me but even we were still together we had problem . so after 5 years of our marriage we get devorced ,

now , by no contact rules i could say is not really useful , it depends the one partner if he or she loves you deeply then even not 30 days , if he truly loves you he will come to you if he is sincere ,
on the other hand, be ready to change the mistakes what you did so that , you and your ex will have a happy ever after forever .
Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 9:09 pm

I think you need to do 30 days no contact on this one.

jane lane

August 18, 2015 at 11:49 pm

Hi Chris,
I left my ex of 2 years over 4 months ago. he became very critical and controlling in the end, and his culture was unbearable from the get-go. i did my best, and went to a therapist of his ethnicity, to understand his mindset better. i was able to get him to come twice with me to therapy, but it was like pulling teeth. i really bent over backwards to try and make it work, but the patience, kindness, understanding, etc. etc. i showed was not reciprocated. i actively tried to discuss what was bothering me so we could work it out. eventually i gave up and moved out abruptly while he was at work, without telling him, no note or anything. i knew it would be very hard for him, but it was hard for me too. anyways in the 4 months since i left, i have only emailed him twice briefly – the first email to tell him to stop trying to contact me and to move on, and the 2nd email stating i appreciated his apologies and that i wished him well. i knew he had hand written me a 16 page letter shortly after i left, but i never read it, and yesterday when I went to read it i found out it had been thrown away. he sent me flowers a week ago to my workplace with a note insisting he’s changed and that he still loves me. i wish i had his letter to read, and i think of him constantly and i still care about him very much. i want to reach out to him, possibly to get back together, but i am not sure how and i am terrified of making the situation worse. any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Casey

September 13, 2015 at 5:52 pm

I’m a professional NCer. Went over a year and now we’re getting back together and it couldn’t be better.
mesterious

September 2, 2015 at 1:25 pm

Hi
the easy way i can give you to get him back to you sinced he showed you a hint that he is also insterested in you , what you have to do is , you should text him and invite him for a dinner date . then that date you should eye contact with him . and tell him that you are thinking him all the time , and then try to be sweet , give him a warm hug , cuddling and he will also response to you. then after that evening if he would not say anything about you relationship , just wait and be patient ,…
i hope you understand my words, im not really good in english as well
Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:51 am

It sounds like he was trying to get back with you. Send him a test text and feel him out.

Victoria

August 18, 2015 at 12:42 am

We were never official, but have been on and off for about 2+ years with long distance sprinkled in between. We currently live across the country and he said he doesn’t want to do and LDR. After a recent amazing trip visit, he tapered off from talking to me ..so my initial reaction is to implement NC (i guess another question for another time as to why is shied away).

My questions are:
1. Does NC work from the day he stopped talk to me, or from the day he reaches out again (given that he will) moving forward?
2. Will it work on someone who does not want a LDR / someone who isn’t sure about a relationship ?

Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:41 am

1. NC is not talking to him at all even if he texts you. You should start this as soon as you break up or asap.
2. It depends on how invested you two were in the relationship. 2 years is a long time so i think it will work on him. But you have to have a plan to be together eventually.

Ashley

August 17, 2015 at 2:04 pm

I broke up with my bf after years of dating, tired of going through the same thing over & over. His actions don’t show if you say you love a person then show it. I ended it 3 weeks ago & we haven’t spoken since. I always take him back everytime he hurt me but this time I want to show him that I can move on
Jayne

August 14, 2015 at 11:28 pm

I have a bit of an issue. Me and my ex broke up 3 months ago, we weren’t together for very long but it was very intense. Even up until we broke up he was saying he loved me and all that rubbish. I tried no contact but failed miserably and since then he’s admitted he cared about me but isn’t ready for anything and doesn’t know what he wants. Will no contact still work?

Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:34 am

It could. Have you talked since at all?

dan

August 14, 2015 at 12:52 pm

We broke up last July, we were in a long distance relationship for 2 months,and w/in that 2 months,we were just fighting every single day, mostly because I felt like he doesn t have time for me,and there were no effort,and it was sooo wrong for me to do that coz he was in a difficult situation,we were reviewing for an exam,he was in a new place, alone and he don t know anyone.And our fights didn t help his situation, so he broke up with me. When finally had the chance to see each other again,he told me he want us to be together again butmafter a few weeks we broke up again. He said he need time and space and that everytime he sees me,it reminded him of the things he did that hurts me. At first I beg him not to leave,but later on I give him what he wants,I didn t text him,but as expected I broke the NC rule when he texted me after a week,maybe he got curious coz it was the firt time that I didn’t talk to him that long. So I felt bad and started over again,I didn’t text him, but just after a week, I found out that he’s sick, of course I’m worried, but I really didn’t want to text him but my friend said to just check on him,so I text him,but I didn’t reply after. What will I do? I really want him back, do I have to restart? We broke up last june, but I started not texting him and not meeting up with him last august 2. It’s the first time we havent talk to each other for so long
Bente

August 13, 2015 at 4:58 pm

I am in this difficult and awful situation. I started dating a much younger man than me. 12 years in different. We were happy for 5 months. And than he did something that I couldn’t accept so I broke up whit him. But then we started this on-and-off relationship. And it lasted until now 7 months later. So it’s been one year and three months total.
I really love him, but I don’t trust him. I want him to be only mine!!!
And now I’ve started the NC. He has always been the one contacting me, and said the right things to get me back in his arms again. But this time I had to tell him not to contact me. I have blocked him from all of the social media and my phone. Is that a bad idea? Do you think he can change and be this amazing person that he was when we met?

Chris Seiter

August 13, 2015 at 5:51 pm

What did he do that you couldn’t accept? I think that you can definitely have him back, the real question is do you really want him back? He probably won’t change for years but he def will change eventually. How old is he?

Margaret

August 12, 2015 at 9:54 am

Hi,

My ex and I have been on/off for 8 months. It finally ended (tearfully on my part) but was still confusing and awful as it has been so on/off. The next day I sent him a message to apologise for the fight we had had and to say I wasn’t expecting to hear from him but I hoped he was ok. He never replied. That was 6 days ago. I have not sent another message or communicated with him in anyway. I want to do NC but will it really be NC or effective for me considering I sent the last message. Pretty sure he is doing NC with me…I wish he would reply so I could ignore him! I want to feel like I am doing NC to get back some of my pride in the situation 🙁 Please reply if you have time
Victoria

August 11, 2015 at 11:37 am

I am on 1 day no contact. My ex text asking are we still friends. Should I reply saying I dont think it is a good idea now or be ignorant towards him and just ignore him? Is there an ‘closing’ message before no contact begins?

Ashley

August 17, 2015 at 2:07 pm

Don’t text him back. Slience is the best treatment

Minnie

August 10, 2015 at 7:51 pm

I split with my parnter on the 25th July after a year because he went out n never text me till the next day I stood my ground n ingor him so he know how it felt n it ended up him making me think it was all me… Last time I saw him was last Friday when he drop my things off n I text him the day after because he forgot something of mine… But I couldn’t face seeing him as I was still shocked of the relationship ending… We had NC for a few days and the most stubborn male I know.. I love him to bits and want him back… But last time we spoke he said he don’t want me to chase him. Really don’t know what to do because I know when the 30days are up he will not contact me… Help!!!!
Antoinette

August 10, 2015 at 6:14 pm

Hi, I recently stumbled across this site and am interested in trying to get my man back but the thing is I don’t even know if I’ve completely lost him. IS that weird? Lol. We’ve been seeing each other about 5 months but the last few weeks he’s been acting kinda weird and disappearing a lot. The first time he got mad at me because I didn’t pick him up after being pulled over and him having to leave his car behind. He ignored me for a week and wouldn’t answer my calls/texts. We eventually reconciled and spent a day/night together then he disappeared for another week, not answering my calls or texts. Then he texted me last Tuesday and told me to come over but that I wasnt allowed to ask him or talk about why he hadn’t called or responded. I was kinda desperate (sad to admit) to see him and was just happy to hear from him so I went along with it. We had sex, I stayed the night then we went our seperate ways the next morning but he told me that he would tell me what was going on later. I texted him once that day then once the following day and again – no response. So now it’s been 6 days since I’ve heard from him and I haven’t reached out since Thursday. I’m tired of being ignored. So basically where does that leave me? Do you think that’s his way of “Breaking up” and I should go straight into no contact or try to get him to have a conversation with me? Your response would be greatly appreciated.
Lisa

August 10, 2015 at 5:30 am

Our relationship was great, no big fights or anything, but we broke up because he cheated on a biz trip and he thought it made him realize he didn’t have that much interest in me. So I cut him off, but he reached out a few times and constantly liked my FB posts during the NC period, and then he messaged me saying “So now u are playing ‘never replying’? Fine” and ever since then I have heard nothing from him. Just wondering what he was thinking. Did he start missing me coming back to reality after the biz trip? Will NC push him away and make him closer with the new girl he met? What should be my next step of the game plan after NC? Thanks!
Alejandra

August 8, 2015 at 1:50 am

is my ex playing mind games or am I reading too much into it?So I was curious about my ex, i blocked him everywhere after he dumped me, and am currently in no contact, have been for almost a week. We’ll when I check his twitter, he had tweeted booty is life, and he was obsessed with my ***, he also tweeted I wish I could go back and do things the right way. But after that he talked to his ex, the one before me and he hates her, he had blocked her and now he’s talking to her??? Then he tweets a phone number and I think to myself hey maybe it’s his new phone number and this is his way of letting me know cause he wants me to call so I put it into my contacts because I do have plans of calling him in the future to exchange belongings but when I go into whataspp and see this so called number it was a female!! A girl modeling in underwear. If it’s his number I get that he tweets it but a girls number, what’s the point of tweeting a number that’s not yours, why would he tweet that girls number , I can’t help to think it’s because he wants a reaction out of me. Cause mostly during our relationship I was the one doing the chasing, we had a great relationship full of honesty no cheating no nothing but I was too controlling and during a bad argument I guess he just got tired of arguing over the same things but I know he loves me. But has a hard time seeing a future with me.
He has the angry attitude and the stubborn one, I blocked him so even if he contacts me I ahve no way of knowing and he’s already talking to another girl even though we’ve been broken up 7 days!!!! He posted her number on twitter and a hey bae she say so he’s totally talking to someone else, and not only that, he’s putting it on twitter, does he know I see, is he trying to get a reaction, is he trying to hurt me, is he just being a douchebag. After a year of being together and 5 months of living together I can’t believe he would do this. I don’t know this man, this isn’t the guy I dated for a year, the guy I dated had a temper but was super sweet and only cared about me. So what do I do
Zoe

August 6, 2015 at 6:50 am

Does the NC rule work with someone who you have a friends with benefits situation? I’ve been seeing a guy for 2 months, he has said he enjoys my company without the intimacy. We have a strong connection. But after messaging every day for 6 weeks the texts have dropped off and after we had drinks and he stayed the night last week he didn’t even send a follow up message. I ended up messaging him just a general message about the night. He replied 12 hours later, even though he read it straight away. He asked how the rest of my weekend was but I have decided to ignore him. But idiot know whether I should lay my cards on the table and tell him how I feel or just try NC for a bit to see how he responds, do you think it will work?

Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 9:34 pm

It can work but its not going to be as effective.

The key for you is to no longer let him have sex with you.

Alejandra

August 6, 2015 at 2:11 am

Please answer:

So my ex and I had a pretty great relationship, we were practically twins, and we did every single thing together, we showered together, went to the same places together, and even ate off the same plate, we were a pretty clingy couple, and he loved and would do absolutely anything for me and even then he would even more, I was sure he loved me not because he said it so many times but because he showed me, by doing small things, since I was needy and controlling he accepted it and did things so I would calm my anxiety. One of his cons was the fact that he cheated on his ex, A LOT. This always gave me stress and I took it out on him, it took to a point that he would give me his phone so I would calm down. I was really too much. Eventually he started being scared of telling me things that bothered him because he was afraid of how I would reach and well that made me react even worse and well eventually one day he told me he had something on his mind he wanted to get out and he told me that I made him feel bad because I didn’t thank him for waiting for me four hours while I was working, but he was hanging out with friends so I got mad and totally humiliated him. He dissapeared, for two hours I searched for him all over th place, we were in a water park with my family and when I finally found him he was just sleeping in a corner but yet again I lashed out and he stayed quiet. Then my mom humiliated him and even spoke bad about his family and then my dad gave him a speech about how he didn’t protect me and to never come back. And after that he sent me a nasty text when I said I wanted to exchange belongings because we lived together for 5 months and he blocked me out of everywhere and hacked my instagram. Out of rage I hacked his and changed his password and refused to give it back so he resorted to saying bad things like I don’t live you anymore. Get over it and stop trying to hack me you pathetic wore and i was so hurt and I’m not going to let him talk to me like that. Well it’s been 5 days since no contact I gave him his account back through his mom, which she says he still loves me but we should give each other time but I’m almost sure he won’t contact me no matter what, I feel he felt too humiliated to consider me again no matter how much he loves me and I hate thay. I promised him things i didn’t keep and now I’ve realized my mistakes and I don’t need him anymore, but I live him and I want to share my life with him. I just have this feeling that maybe our relationship can be saved and be better with me being more confident and less controlling cause that was our downfall. I want to know if no contact would work, how long if it works. And what I should do. I’m already working on myself and my happiness but I want to share this new found lifestyle with him.
Marg

August 5, 2015 at 4:30 pm

I read your below comment Chris. So, other words if I do the NC, I have to wait for him to contact me, and if he doesn’t then he’s too scared, right?
________________
If YOU broke up with me and implemented a no contact rule then I would definitely be afraid to contact you because of the fear of rejection. This begs an interesting question:

If you know for a fact that your ex boyfriend is afraid to contact you then shouldn’t you just break the NC and reach out to him first?

No… A BIG NO!

Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 9:44 pm

Not necessarily.

I do say multiple times that I want YOU to be the one reach out to him after NC.

Lily

August 4, 2015 at 2:37 am

I cut him off 5 days ago, but I said to him “I still love you, but it’s too difficult for me, so please don’t contact me unless you want me back. I have to move on” He immediately add me back saying “so not even whatsapp friends?” I repeated the same thing, since then nothing. I feel he’s never gonna contact me because I set a rule for him…

Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 10:36 pm

Generally that kind of hurts the NC effectiveness by giving him a warning.

Marg

August 1, 2015 at 4:05 am

Chris,

I really enjoy reading your informative articles. Does NC work on a man that I broke up with, and now regret the decision. I have not seen him for a month.

Thanks much!

Chris Seiter

August 10, 2015 at 9:41 pm

Yes it does, but do you know if he wants you back as of now? What was the breakup like? Did he try to get you to stay with him?

Elena

July 30, 2015 at 5:00 am

So. I think my boyfriend is a little of all of these. We haven’t broken up yet but we have deep issues. I have been clingy in the relationship and have been suffocating him. While I do accept I have made these mistakes he doesn’t seem to see that he has also been very bad to me. For example after a fight when I said some stupid things and told him not to come to my 21st birthday. A few hours later I apologised and said I was wrong and I wanted him to come but he was like. no no you UNINVITED ME. He has an inability to let things go when it is necessary, as my birthday is about me, he should have accepted my apology and just said he’d go but instead he kept telling me he wasn’t coming until an hour before he was meant to be there and ended up coming. So this just shows his inability to forgive. I’ve made myself clear that I accept where my faults in the relationship have been but yet he is angry and says I am acting. Like the innocent one. Where it seems. I have accepted my failures and he doesn’t accept his. Is this him acting like the victim? It seems as thought he can not see at all how he has also be really hurting me would trying this NC help him to accept his faults too. He also blames me saying mean things to him in a fight as an excuse for ignoring me. And I’m talking hours. Is that really an excuse?
remo

July 29, 2015 at 8:11 pm

my ex runs away when he see me. disappear. the last time I tried calling he hanged up the phone
thank u… after all everything makes sense

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4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”