You could ask anyone in my life, I have music or a movie going on in the background at almost all times. I speak almost exclusively in movies quotes and song lyrics.
It is my belief that you absorb the environment you surround yourself in. If it has been weeks or even months since your break up and you find yourself watching and rewatching sappy love movies and listening to mopey music take an emotional inventory.
How are you feeling?
I bet that isn’t the case.
You’re probably feeling stuck and without direction.
Do you know who Jonas Salk is?
Salk was a researcher in a lab at the University of Pittsburg. It was later written that he spent sixteen hours a day, seven days a week, for several years searching for a vaccine for polio. No matter how much time he spent searching, he just kept hitting a wall and coming up empty handed. Finally, he conceded and decided to step away from his research momentarily. I find myself dealing with tough crosswords or Sodoku this way sometimes.
He found himself in the beautiful Basilica of San Francesco d’Assisi in Italy, surrounded by peaceful rolling hills and beautiful architecture. The Basilica is absolutely beautiful.
How do you think that peace and beauty was compared to the lab he had spent those sixteen hours a day for months?
Well, in that very monastery is where Salk made the breakthrough discovery he had been searching for that led to the creation of the polio vaccine.
Since that moment, during which I can only imagine Salk stood in complete wonder and awe of some of the most decadent architecture Italy offers, millions of lives have been altered and made better because of that single discovery. Polio has been eradicated from almost every single nation in the world.
You see, everything around you is an input. The music you listen to. The movies you watch. The people you choose to spend your time with. Each is an input to your mental operating system, and it can either help or harm that system. You can literally rewrite the way you see the world simply by choosing what you allow to exist in your world. The truth is that we are endlessly surrounded by these inputs and when you choose to accept positive inputs into your life, you are opening yourself up to positive outcomes.
So, if you haven’t already, now is the time to look at your life and remove the negative. Yes, this includes all of the things that make you think of your ex. The hoodies (don’t act like you didn’t have at least one, classic girl move), the pictures, the gifts, and anything else that reminds you of your now past relationship.
These things are standing in your way. And if you are allowing them stay in your life, the YOU are standing in your way.
It takes guts to make cuts.
I got you, girl.
Get empowered and get ready to move forward with your life escorted by some musical motivation.
I’ve put together some of my favorite get over it with gusto tunes. Why? Because, sometimes, all it takes an A-list playlist to kick it into gear and start over fresh.
“I Will Survive” – Gloria Gaynor
We all know that piano intro. No power playlist would be complete without a little Gloria. This is the one that gets you and your girls going at karaoke, the one you can put your socks on and dance around the kitchen while you make breakfast in the morning. It’s been helping people get over it since 1978. It has been redone more times than I can even begin to count.
Of course, Beyonce could have her own list. She’s done her fair share for women around the world dealing with heartbreak and this playlist would be incomplete without her. I could probably create a playlist with just her, Adele, and Sam Smith, and it would be a very long playlist that would be guaranteed to keep you in the feels for days, possibly even weeks.
“Irreplacable” – Beyonce
Aside from inspiring countless fashion trends, Beyonce inspired millions of women to let the men in their lives know what’s up. If you ever need to remember your worth or you find yourself dealing with an “other woman” situation, you should definitely give this one a listen.
“Best Thing I Never Had” – Beyonce
Possibly one of my most my favorite breakup songs ever written, this song has been sung into many a hairbrush microphone.
The reason I related so much to it is because of the line, “I learned to find the good in goodbye.” I am constantly telling everyone who comes to me with a broken heart to consider their breakup to be a learning experience. You can learn so much from a breakup, especially what not to do in the next one, but I like to use a good breakup to weed out what I will and won’t accept from the men in the future. If defining what you deserve isn’t the most important thing you can do after a breakup, or really anytime,’
I don’t know what is.
“Why Don’t You Love Me?” – Beyonce
So many people break No Contact and find themselves begging to be loved. This song is a perfect reminder that if someone doesn’t appreciate you, that doesn’t mean you don’t have anything to offer. We are all jam packed full of possibilities and talents. don’t let your ex make you feel like you aren’t worth it. Because you so are.
I find it to be a little comforting that Beyonce had the context to write this song. I mean she is considered to be one of the most strong-willed and confident women in existence. Millions of women all over the world look up to her. It’s nice to know that even Beyonce has gone through that moment where you feel like you have to ask “Why don’t you love me?”
“Exes and Ohs” – Elle King
This is that one that gets caught in everyone’s head, but id you realize that it’s all about letting go? Most of the people I know that seem to find it so catchy don’t even realize it’s about being confident. Take it and let it make your day brighter. Heck, maybe you’ll even dance a little.
“Roar” – Katy Perry
I think we’ve all jammed out to this one. I’ll admit that I shamelessly sing along when it comes on and imagine being indestructible. Empowering and helping people all over the world find their inner wild animal, “Roar” was an instant hit. Just don’t watch the music video… it’s a little cheesy.
It’s that little ego boost that we all need after a devastating blow like a breakup.
“Salute” – Little Mix
This one came out back in 2013, and it didn’t really stay on the radar for long, but it is definitely one of those songs that just makes your inner boss find her way to the surface.
“Shout Out to My Ex” – Little Mix
Now, is the time to be a woman. It’s like there are empowering and positive messages being thrown at us from every direction. The only downside is that the dynamic of relationships has changed and to be honest the “Grass is Greener” issue has become something that happens almost every time you turn around. Men are more fickle today than they have ever been. This song does the best job of giving a guy credit for giving her an excuse to step her game up.
“Send My Love” – Adele
I’m not above admitting that I’ve been left for another woman more than once. I found that I tend to like men with underlying narcissistic characteristics that are really good at hiding them.
So, when Adele came out with this power ballad, I may have been dealing with a bit of heartache of my own and fell in love with it imeediately and had it on repeat for weeks.
I think we can all agree it takes a certain degree of maturity to send well wishes to the woman he left you for. Keeping your anger in check is a feat in and of itself. Adele has put out some serious breakup songs that span the entire spectrum of heartache. This one is incredibly empowering. Although, fair warning, at about the sixtieth time you find yourself belting it, you might need some cough drops.
“Somebody That I Used to Know” – Gotye
When “Somebody That I Used to Know” came out, it was everywhere. The music was out of the ordinary. But it hit home with everyone who has ever had a relationship go sideways. We’ve all drifted apart from people we were once close with. If you haven’t yet, then go ahead and brace yourself.
It happens to the best of us, not only in romantic relationships, but friendships as well. So, this one can be kind of dual purpose.
“Survivor” – Destiny’s Child
I think the first time I ever heard this song it was when a friend sang it at karaoke. To be honest, he really outdid himself, gave Destiny’s Child a run for their money.
Now that you’re out of my life, I’m so much better
You thought that I’d be weak without you, but I’m stronger
You thought that I’d be broke without you, but I’m richer
You thought that I’d be sad without you, I laugh harder
Thought I wouldn’t grow without you, now I’m wiser
Thought that I’d be helpless without you, but I’m smarter
You thought that I’d be stressed without you, but I’m chillin’
You can’t tell me that even the first words out of their mouths don’t make you feel like you can do anything. This isn’t just a get over it son, it’s a song that makes you want to thrive.
“Fighter” – Christina Aguilera
Since, I’m throwing some older songs in here, I can’t leave out this one. Even when I was younger and dealing with some of my first heartbreaks, and even just when I needed a self-esteem boost when I was having an off day, songs like this one made me feel like I could punch the day in the face along with anything that tried to throw me off my game.
“Stone Cold” – Demi Lovato
Like “Send My Love”, Stone Cold is about being left for another woman and owning the pain that comes with that.
I think being the bigger person has come to be one of the most difficult things someone can do in these situations. The song can be a little slow compared to the other songs here on this list, but the parts where you get to belt along with Demi make for some great stress relief.
Crank it up while you’re driving down the road and be the bigger person by doing what you need to do for you.
Even I am guilty of letting my exes worm their way back into my mind occasionally. I’ll be buying a dress or working out in the gym and I’ll catch myself thinking,” Just wait till my ex sees how much I don’t need him.
I go out of my way to make sure that it’s a short-lived thought.
Why? Yeah it’s motivating, but it makes my life about him. I know a lot of you that came to this website originally with the drive to get your ex back probably find yourself in this position. In fact, from what you all tell me, it’s a thought you feel like you can’t escape from.
It’s simply a matter of deciding that you are going to live life for you, not for the man who didn’t realize what you were capable of.
Don’t let your ex reside as a deciding factor in your life or in your mind. Take back that control and be happy that someone who didn’t respect or value you is no longer in a position to make you feel like you don’t deserve respect or to be valued. Because you do.
“Stronger” – Kelly Clarkson
Anytime I hear this song, it makes me want to go out and try and take over the world.
Okay, maybe not take over the world, but it makes me feel like I can do anything. It is especially effective when I’m feeling particularly down, which, on a rare occasion, has been know to happen from time to time.
“You Don’t Own Me” – Leslie Gore
Leslie was known for “The Chapel of Love” and “It’s My Party”, but “You Don’t Own Me has been revived with the making of Marvel’s Suicide Squad. But it was also featured in “The First Wives Club”, a movie giving women around the world the courage and confidence to put their foot down when it came to the type of treatment they accepted. It featured three women faced with cheating and disrespectful husbands who banded together and decided to get a little revenge while also creating an outlet for women who are abused.
I think we can all agree that the movies and music we take in while our emotions are highly volatile can deeply affect the actions we decide to take in regards to the situation we find ourselves in.
“I Love It” – Icona Pop
This song got stuck in my head nonstop when it was playing every other five seconds on the radio. But now, it comes on in my workout playlist and I can’t help but get pumped up. There is something about looking at the annoyances of the world and going… “You know what. I’m over it. I just don’t care.” This song is a fun and pumped up way to get in the mood… to move forward and kick butt.
“Love Myself” – Hailee Seinfield
And while we’re loving “it” why not go as far as to love yourself. You know what they say, you can’t truly love anyone until you love yourself.
Well, we are evolving every day into new versions of ourselves with each circumstance or situation we find ourselves in. Now, you find yourself no longer in a relationship.
There are two ways you can allow this moment to affect you and turn you into who you will become moving forward.
You can either see it as not being good enough, which is what most people do. I think this is the worst way you can possibly take it, because it means you are basing your value on how someone else sees you. This usually leads to a depressed state, an excuse to come to a stand still.
Or you can see it as an opportunity to take your life and dominate it by making it your own. Refuse to let self-doubt creep in and you’ll be back on it in no time.
“Confident” – Demi Lovato
This has been stuck in my head since the day it came out. And not only is it powerful and heavy hitting. My favorite thing about it is that I can put on my heels and clean my apartment while dancing around like a goofball. Not that that is a good idea if you are clumsy. I’ve been known to come out of cleaning with a few more bruises than I went in with.
And what’s more appropriate to end a confident woman’s playlist than a song titled confident?
I pulled all of these songs together in Spotify so you don’t have to go hunt them down or anything.
You see, this playlist isn’t to create confidence where there is none. It’s to remind you of the capabilities that have always been within you. You may have doubts as to how simply listening to a few songs will help you get over a relationship.
They are meant to be a catalyst to help you recognize when you are letting circumstances such as a break up or being undervalued overshadow the fact that you can do anything if you simply put the effort in to accomplish it. This means changing your focus from your ex and how your actions will affect him and his perception of you to how the only opinion that matters is yours.
And then, once you’ve done that, you can walk into any other avenue of your life feeling confident that you have set yourself up to move on and do great and amazing things without letting anyone or anything hold you back.
So, even if you doubt the power of your surroundings, I challenge you to turn on this playlist and do something as simple as cleaning the space you live in. If this means throwing out the things that make you think of your ex like I mentioned before, then do that.
Or hit the gym, or go for a walk. Do Something and let this playlist be your soundtrack for the moment. I can almost completely guarantee that that moment will be one of the best you’ve had in weeks.
You want to know what the best feeling I’ve ever had, walking into a room and knowing that I wasn’t concerned one bit with what anyone thought of me. Every single one of my exes could be in that room and I could walk into it without a care in the world simply because I knew that I had my house in order, so to speak. If you are doing everything in your power to become the best version of yourself, then the rest of the world just kind of fades away.
And sure people who care for you will be proud of you, but being self aware, and knowing that you don’t need their approval, will keep you from coming to rely on that approval or feeling like you need it.
You see, you don’t have to be a victim of your environment. You can also be the architect of it.
I hope the playlist comes in handy. Feel free to let me know what songs make you feel like the most powerful version of yourself. I’d love to know. And who knows, we might have to expand the playlist. I’m certain their are plenty that aren’t on here that should be. But I hope this hour and a half playlist is just another tool in your belt to move forward with your life.
Enjoy it. And go and build an empire and rule it in confidence. Let me know how it works out for you in the comments.