By Chris Seiter

Updated on May 31st, 2019

I woke up the next morning after the heart-wrenching break up and suddenly realized that my lover and best friend was gone. My heart started racing, palms sweating, and the tears never seemed as though they would stop.

The empty feeling of unworthiness was consuming me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I was riddled with the question of what was wrong with me and why I was not capable of finding love?

Then, I took a moment to breathe fully, deeply, and slowly….one….two…three…

How To Rebuild Your Confidence After A Breakup

A breakup can impact your confidence and self-esteem, and I believe with the right tools, you could rebuild your confidence, move past your ex and thrive to embrace a new relationship with whatever man comes into your life.

When I purchased the ex-boyfriend recovery program, my primary focus was to get my ex-boyfriend to return. As time went on, I realized that it wasn’t about getting him back, it was more so about getting myself back by rebuilding my confidence because I’m in control of myself only not HIM. There’s only one person in the world you’ll always have a relationship with, and that’s yourself.

If a person has a negative self-image and generally feels poorly about themselves, they may work tirelessly to find a cure by securing what they believe to be their perfect match resulting in a cycle of working to attain a partner’s desire and feeling high once it is temporarily achieved.

But….when the relationship fails, the high is often followed by a heart-wrenching low.

Take a step back and breathe.

Consider that you are relying on someone else to provide you with something only you can develop.

How did I go about rebuilding my confidence you ask?

Two words came to mind, — self-love.

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The Importance Of Self Love

Self-love is defined as, “regard for one’s own well-being and happiness”.

Until self-love is present, absolute love will become harder to achieve. If you fail to harness your own self-esteem and confidence, then you will latch onto a partner who you’ve placed on a high horse to make up for your self-worth deficit.

When self-love is lacking judgment becomes impaired and desperation may creep in which may result in an inaccurate assessment of who the person really is and if he can truly meet your needs is off.

When partners are viewed as idols in your mind, the illusion is destined to dissolve, leaving the person depleted and with a greater sense of inadequacy. Hence, the heart-wrenching break up.

You can restore your damaged self-esteem using positive affirmations to remind yourself of your great qualities. This is about increasing your self-worth and value system. You will be able to set boundaries and call out those things that don’t work for you. People will treat you the way you allow them. If you are unable to respect yourself, don’t expect others to do the same.

Employing these self-esteem affirmations will make a difference between tears and laughter;

  • I love and accept myself unconditionally
  • I am enough
  • I am loved
  • I believe in myself
  • I project love and respect and will receive them in return
  • I am free to make my own decisions
  • I respect myself
  • I do not have anything to prove to anyone
  • I am never alone. God and the universe supports me every step I take.
  • I reject any negative thoughts
  • I deserve happiness and success
  • I release the past and live in the moment
  • I’m worthy of love

“Three things in human life are important: the first to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.” Henry James

Create a kinder and more balanced self-image by being kind to yourself and others as a daily practice as listed below:

  • Allow yourself to heal
  • Take some time for yourself
  • Stop judging yourself
  • Get rid of the inner critic
  • Forgive yourself
  • Show yourself compassion
  • Find humor and don’t take yourself too seriously
  • Enhance your health
  • Pamper yourself
  • Be kind to others
  • Encourage a friend or family member
  • Listen to someone when they are having a bad day
  • Do a kind act or deed without expectations

Shift Your Perspective And You Will Shift Your Outcome

At times we may have unrealistic expectations we place on our partners, or we try to take too much control of things we shouldn’t, or we have a selfish perspective. This leads to building stories in our mind, and they can sometimes spiral out of control.

We like to believe that we are enlightened and that others need to see our perspective. Changing your perspective is a very valuable took for understanding a situation better, avoiding false views, and building confidence. The most common and important situation in which we benefit form looking at others from a different viewpoint is when we try to see something from another person’s view point.

One approach I like when it seems necessary to criticize someone’s behavior is to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. Instead of saying, “you were wrong about that” I say, “I have a different opinion about that”.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Changing the way you word things can encourage the other person to put him or herself in your position. We have a better chance of having a healthy discussion if they think our statements as information rather than an argument.

Much of the value of looking at an issue from another person’s point of view is that it helps us recognize and compensation for our own biases.

I invite you to choose to understand other’s point of view using these methods:

  • Put yourself in another person’s shoes
  • Trust the bigger picture through the process
  • Think positively and take positive takes
  • Use “I” statements instead of “You” statements
  • Observe before taking actions


Pain is inevitable after a heart-wrenching break up. Suffering is optional. You can wallow in sorrow or embrace self-love, employ positive affirmations, and shift perspectives.

These ingredients will give you benefits for better real life results, higher self-esteem, more inner happiness, peace, and more positive relationships with yourself and others. As you love yourself more, your confidence will grow higher and higher.

Once you love yourself, then others will be attracted to you because they will see the best of you and the value you place on yourself; and you will feel the worthiness, and reality of having a partner’s love and respect. Don’t force love and allow it happen organically and naturally.

Believe in yourself that matters of the heart will work out for your ultimate good!!!

(This was a guest post from Jennifer J. Bryant)

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10 thoughts on “Rebuilding Confidence After A “Heart Wrenching” Breakup”

  1. Penny

    July 4, 2017 at 10:21 am

    I am doing a great job in moving on but I’m not there yet since I’m being affected a little by what my ex is doing though now he has a girlfriend and he seems to be playing around still.
    I have a different situation though and i need your advice..
    I am starting to develop feelings for my ex’s friend but the thing is he has a girlfriend and he has been told a lot of bad things about me. We’ve never texted though and if i start being friendly the other friends and my ex will know about it and they might talk… What should i do? I’m not trying to hurt my ex though but i like his friend now..he doesn’t seem to break up with his girlfriend though so can i do something about it? I have a best friend who is close to him and should i tell him about my feelings towards this guy? What do you suggest i do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2017 at 5:03 pm

      Umm nope..because that friend will tell it to that guy that you have feelings.. Truth is, that’s a low chance..first, he has gf. Second, he’s friends with your ex.. Third, he might lise his other friends if he dated you because it’s very inappropriate becauee of the situation and because of what you say, that they heard about you..

  2. Anna

    June 10, 2017 at 7:35 pm

    So my ex broke up with me around 3 weeks ago. We’d been seeing each other for 5 months. He showed signs of wanting to get serious. He was planning on attending my brother’s wedding with me and saying things like “I told my parents about you and they approve”. We never really fought over anything.

    When I went to leave one day I slipped up and told him I loved him. I guess it was kind of habitual. Anyway, he freaked out and his only response was “get out”. So I left of course. I left him alone for a few days until we attended a mutual friends birthday party. During the party he was noticeably angry/uncomfortable and I tried to pull him aside afterwards to explain. The whole thing kind of blew up into an overly emotional argument. Days later a friend visited me and told me they ran into him at a party and he mentioned he had ended things with me. Funny I don’t remember that being apart of our conversation. When I confronted him about it via text he confirmed and said he didn’t mean for me to find out that way but didn’t know “where to go from here.” He seems angry and avoids me now when I see him around town.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 14, 2017 at 9:13 am

      Sorry Anna, I’m confused.. You said i love you while you were together and he got angry with that?

  3. Jennifer

    May 31, 2017 at 4:43 pm

    What a great article!! I love the steps in it.