How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,234 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

em

October 15, 2013 at 1:38 am

hey chris, i feel like i might’ve screwed up out of paranoia and i want to know if i still stand a chance.

me and my love are in different countries but not actually terribly far. about 400 miles, the thing is he knows i’m moving there soon because i love it there.

we met before, and i got back from visiting him. everything was fine, and when i left to return back he was shaking and crying. we talked normally a few days but then he stopped for 5 days.
we got into a fight because of me being passive aggressive about it, he has a history of doing this to me unannounced and knows it makes me paranoid because in the past he has cut me out of his life (for fear of never meeting me).

this time is different though.

anyways, looking back at the texts he was trying to calm me down but my emotions read it as anger and i thought he had no right to be since I was the one visiting him, trying to move (not just for him, for myself)and he kept saying he was working on things but i didnt believe him. i said the dreaded “maybe this isn’t going to work out.”

i know that hurt him a lot. i only said it because i wanted him to try harder.

but it spiraled out of control and he said we’ll talk tomorrow about where we stand and he skyped me crying saying he was breaking up with me. and id get over it and move on. saying it was him, not me. i deserve better. all i was doing was making him feel guilty, ect. and we reached a place of maybe we’ll just take a break…he said he’d call me in 20 minutes.

but then at the 20 he said we’d talk tomorrow. and the past few days i had spent hours waiting and waiting and waiting and i got so angry and desparate sounding and needy, blasting up his phone, sending god awful embarrassing messages of desperation. it turned him off because he said if i didnt stop hed cut me out forever and that he had his answer and he didnt want this. but wed talk tomorrow.

so i waited. even more because he said he overslept. he said we werent talking, he was saying goodbye. and he said that i was pretty and smart and all that good crap, but he wanted to be independent and didnt want to see anyone and never wanted me to contact him ever again. to never be a part of his life and move on and him to move on. he told his parents, friends, everyone never to mention me again. and we couldnt be friends.

literally, it all escalated within a day to that.

i tried contacting him 3 weeks after saying how i caught up on a show we liked, and i know he didnt want me to message him but i felt like i was dealing a lot of with myself and id really like us to be friends and i didnt blame him for not wanting a relationship and felt bad if i ever pressured him into anything. and that i hope he was enjoying life and how i just wanted to cheer him on for it and to write or call me.

he didnt respond.

so then 5 days later i sent a smaller message (the first was so long), that sometimes theres only bumps when we think were facing mountains. i told him i thought he was ___,__,__, ect. (compliments), that i missed him, and i promise id be better. in the video i was calm and composed and said i wanted him to hear me personally say i felt like things got out of control in a moment of weakness and it wasnt worth throwing away friendship over at the very least. and if he wanted that or a relationship i was still here for him and i loved him and just wanted him to be happy. to give me a second chance. to see what he saw when we first met.

still no response.

im so in love with this guy, and i swear on it despite the awful and hurtful things hes said he is too. but i feel like hes scared. actually i have no idea about anything. i was afraid if i didnt do something hed really leave for good because he made it sound like he was never coming back.

im afraid he’ll stay true to this.

i also feel bad because im working so hard and apologizing and feel terrible and owning up to what i did, showing him how much i care and im being rejected and ignored. im not letting it ruin my life, ive been very positive until recently where i caved into the 2 long messages.

i feel like he doesnt want a relationship because he loves me too much and its a lot for him to handle being hurt and he doesnt want to have feelings for me.

but god i atleast want my friend back, you know?

i just found this site today…ill try the NC 30 day thing which i was on the verge of….but i just feel like shit that he’s never going to respond back. and after sending what i did twice…is that a clear indicator to give up? what the hell else can i say if none of that was interesting?

he was crazy about me and in a day he switched to “i love you but im not in love with you.”

admin

October 16, 2013 at 1:27 am

You just found the site today huh? What do you think so far? Is it helpful?

Definitely do 30 day NC. It will give you some of the power back but I can’t stress how important it is that you evolve and improve YOURSELF during that time.
em

October 16, 2013 at 4:18 am

i did, and it’s EXTREMELY helpful and i really admire you for putting in the time and effort to help so many strangers. it’s want i aspire to do some day in my own way.

i’m trying to work on myself as much as possible. really, it’s emotionally and i’ve really done a lot of work as it is in understanding my faults and how to become better. my paranoia, becoming overwhelming, and constant perfectionism on how to make the relationship better when its already great has to end, and just being more positive and keeping the chase and passion and fun going. i feel like i can really do all of this now…if i could just get the damned opportunity to.

i just want the opportunity and if i fail then, oh well. but i’ve got my shit together. he loves me but he said he wants to move on. then again he’s said this before and ended up head over heels for me again.

physically i’m not going to lie, with him i already have him hooked. there’s not much i can really do there to improve (not that im drop dead model gorgeous, but i’m aware of my physical beauty especially to him).

i’m on day 3. i’m trying to go the whole 30. hopefully ill have the courage to face possible rejection again…it’s a lot Chris. i’m trying to be so understanding of his emotions, and knowing he isn’t and wasn’t makes me feel awful. the past 2 times i put myself out on a limb and landed face flat.

part of me wants to quit, but i love him so much i keep making excuses not to give up.

i really believe in this and i think he’s just scared of a lot of things. i wish there was some way to show him it gets hard, but we can be truly happy together. but i can’t find the right sounds.
admin

October 17, 2013 at 1:51 am

Hey check out the new ungettable girl post. THAT is what you need to strive to be during NC!

You are going to do great I have a good feelign about you. You have your head together!
em

October 15, 2013 at 1:40 am

also, i sent a meme we made ourselves in the message. nothing!

i just really want a second chance.
i don’t want to lose him for good.
admin

October 16, 2013 at 1:28 am

Hmm… guess that wasn’t enough of an attention getter. Go back into NC for a week or two before you send something else.

Oli

October 14, 2013 at 10:27 pm

Hi again,

I have reached the end of my no contact, which for me has had it’s ups and downs but mainly had been really successful. I’ve worked on myself and feel and lot more independent and confident in myself. I have my first contact text all prepared and am confident in it. The only problem I have is that during the nc, he only attempted to contact me once, which I of course ignored. But it makes me wonder if he’s missed me at and making me a little apprehensive of sending this first message. Is it normal for him to have only tried to contact me once? And should I send the text or wait even longer?

Thanks for all your great advice so far… I think I’ve read every article three times over!

admin

October 16, 2013 at 1:19 am

I have another fantastic article coming out tomorrow hopefully (I am kind of on a crazy schedule so I am praying I can get it done.)

Ummm… I would say that him contacting you once is a good thing (some women don’t even get that.)

Reach out with a text message ONLY if you feel you are ready to do so.
Oli

October 16, 2013 at 11:44 pm

Okay, thanks for the reply… Im quite excited now! I’ll keep you posted. Thanks again!
Oli

October 19, 2013 at 6:51 pm

Hi,

So I sent the first contact message today, I was confident that I had made it impossible not to reply to and I was right he replied instantly. As per your advice I was the one to end the convo, keeping control. I’m just wondering how long to wait before contacting him again? I have the perfect meme in mind I just need to know how long to leave it?

Thanks for all your brilliant advice and articles
Oli

October 20, 2013 at 10:03 pm

Okay, I understand…. Jut one more question (sorry for asking so many.) I’m about to buy your guide I as feel now I’ve reached the contact stage I need step by step advice. Does it cover getting your ex back for long distance relationships specifically?
admin

October 22, 2013 at 12:58 am

No its more general (but in tandem with this page it can be very helpful.)
Oli

October 20, 2013 at 12:52 pm

I was going to use the meme as an opener to the convo… Is this not the way to go?
admin

October 20, 2013 at 9:08 pm

It can be but think about the response you can get from it?

“hahah thats great”

I think memes are great for you when you are already in a conversation but for an opener I would want something a bit more personally.
admin

October 19, 2013 at 9:06 pm

2-3 don’t do meme yet. Engage him again and keep the conversation a little bit longer and then end it.

kelly

October 14, 2013 at 4:14 pm

hey 🙂
I have only recently been in a long distance relationship as we have both gone to university. Within 2 weeks he rung me saying he can’t be with me because of the distance as he feels when he is with someone he needs to see them more then once every few weeks. when he told me this I knew there was something not right, and a few days after saying that he rung me saying it was because there was this girl there that he had got close too and she likes him, so he ended it with me and then kissed this other girl. however when he rung me both times he was extremely upset and the second time he rung he said he doesn’t know why he did it and he is not himself and he is confused, also that he would pick me every time and I am everything he wants and he knows he will never meet anyone like me.
Things have progressed since then and what is happening is that he is coming down at Christmas and we are going to meet up to sort things out, however if he has done anything with anyone else from now till then he said he knows not to try me and him again as it has happened again. so he is trying this out to see his level of commitment.
so I have decided to do the NC, do you think this is the right thing to do?, but I am just wondering if there is anything I can do so he doesn’t want to do anything with the other girls? or is that completely in his hands?
p.s it is not normal for him to kiss or do things with other girls when in a relationship and when not in a relationship. he would normally be fully committed.

admin

October 15, 2013 at 2:23 am

I do think NC is the right thing for you.

Didn’t quite get your P.S. though.
kelly

October 15, 2013 at 9:35 am

I just meant it as in he is not your typical guy to normally go around doing things with other women like on a night out, so I just don’t know if university has changed him or he is generally confused and something with snap him back to normal.
I am just scared 🙁
admin

October 16, 2013 at 2:03 am

May I ask is there anything specifically he did during University that changed him? Partying too much.etc?
kelly

October 16, 2013 at 7:20 am

yeah, he is going out a lot more then he used to when he was at home and well he is meeting a lot of new people (which i expected anyway). But at the same time i dont actually know because ever since he has been there he became very distance and talking was limited but was still daily.
he says he is not getting back with me until Christmas because he wants to test himself to see the level of commitment he has to me to me as the ‘normal’ him wouldn’t do anything with anyone, but he still feels the same about me according to what he said when we last spoke.
i just hope that doesnt change :/

Cecei

October 14, 2013 at 4:08 pm

Hi Chris!
First Thanks for your encouraging words. I met my ex when I was an international exchange student in America. He is ten years older than me but a mature man indeed. We did have fun when we were together and ran a country-cross long distance relationship for three months since I was home in July. He’s in America and I am in China. Sadly he broke up with me last week, saying that he didn’t think he could go through this anymore. He felt lonely and wanted a girl by him. However, he said he still loved me, his feelings for me have not changed, it’s just the situation. Also he said he didn’t see we are connected. (We didn’t have sex when I was in the U.S.). But I do love him, and he’s my first love. I want to be with him badly.In One Life, One Love I believe. My feelings are as long as we still love each other, we can go through this, right? And I will probably go back to America for further study in less than half a year. I just dont know how to arouse his interest and hope for our relationship again. After reading your website, I will do the NC first, as you suggest. Could you offer some suggestion on what else I can do to defend my love? Thanks again!

admin

October 15, 2013 at 2:18 am

To defend your love? Hahaha well, I hear locking him away in a tower and never letting him out is good.

All kidding aside I think you should just focus on completing NC. Trust me, that in and of itself is a challenge.
Cecei

October 23, 2013 at 5:24 am

Thank you, Chris. But something else happened. I sent him a gift right after the day he broke up with me. And he received the gift, which was an album of our photos, a few days ago and sent me a message that he thought that was thoughtful. What should I do now? Should I reply him or just follow the NC? BTW, I have been in NC for two weeks now.
admin

October 23, 2013 at 10:02 pm

Hmmm… just keep in NC.
Cecei

November 8, 2013 at 5:03 am

And now I have a question. So should my NC begin on the day we broke up, or restart on the day he got my gift? (BTW, He got my gift about 10 days after we broke up).
admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:45 pm

The last day you had contact.
Cecei

November 25, 2013 at 3:48 pm

Hi Chris!
Thank yo for your suggestion! NC worked! I feel like my Ex and I are getting pretty well now. But he said that he did not want to Skype or call now. He said it would be nice if we could talk, but for now, chatting online is good. What, do you think, does he mean by saying so? If continue to chat with him online, could you give me some suggestions?
Thank you!
admin

November 25, 2013 at 8:45 pm

You should try some of the text messages on this site..

Faith

October 14, 2013 at 6:56 am

Hey Chris!

I am considering to buy your ebook since you also seem available for direct advises hahaha! But before that, I would like to know what makes your ebook different from others since I have actually bought another similar ebook. Thanks.

admin

October 15, 2013 at 1:11 am

Well, the best thing I can say about my E-Book is that it is really in-depth. A lot of the stuff on the site I go into way more detail which is what everyone seems to want. Of course, you will always be able to reach me through the comments and such so you can get my opinion on your situation.

Suzy

October 14, 2013 at 3:55 am

I was on my 30 day NC and had been working on myself. The thing is, two weeks into NC he updated his facebook status that said he was in a relationship with this girl that he has been hanging with after we broke up.
How am I supposed to get him back if he is long distance and has a new girlfriend?

admin

October 15, 2013 at 1:51 am

Maybe a rebound? How long have then been dating currently?
Suzy

October 15, 2013 at 2:49 am

A mutual friend talked to him a few days ago and he told my friend that he and his new girl were dating since the 27th of last month (which is 2 weeks after we broke up and two weeks from today). So i guess they have been dating for a month. I don’t know what to do because I started my NC having hope that he would stay single until then but now I’m kind of hopeless…
admin

October 16, 2013 at 1:37 am

It is still really early for them. Still in rebound territory.

And its not even a month yet.
Suzy

October 16, 2013 at 7:53 am

Thank you Chris! I really appreciate how much hope you and your site gives me, because your information is very helpful. I feel like your site actually calms me down whenever I read your advice 🙂
admin

October 17, 2013 at 2:11 am

Hey check out the Ungettable Girl post I think you will find that fascinating.

Faith

October 13, 2013 at 11:53 pm

Does it matter whether or not he texts within the 30 days NC?
If he doesn’t text in the NC does it mean he doesn’t care?
and should I still do the first contact text?

admin

October 15, 2013 at 1:35 am

I think it does matter but not as much as people think.

kuz

October 13, 2013 at 7:53 pm

Hi there, my ex and i broke up about a month and a half ago, saying he was tired of waiting for me to move and that now wanted to see someone else. it was pretty hectic text conversation. anyhow i did message a month later for his birthday and the a week later. both times i got one word responses. (thanks). I realize i should have stayed away.

I have deleted him from facebook. but still have his number saved and email etc.

what should i do now?

Maria

October 14, 2013 at 12:21 pm

I am in exactley the same situation, kuz :
admin

October 13, 2013 at 10:52 pm

Well, have you tried a full NC yet?

Nikki

October 13, 2013 at 6:19 pm

Hi,

I’ve been in an LDR for 5 years with this man who I dearly love. We really had great chemistry between us and he even flew to visit me. Suddenly, he pulled back – he said he is too stressed about his career and that he is not going away but just cannot communicate so much and that this will not work out because of the distance. For a few weeks, I broke down and got unwell, admitted to hospital (I just missed him too much).

Whenever I asked him to call me, he would phone me. But I felt like I was chasing him. Now since 5 days I decided to give him lots of space and just become silent. I have been silent now for 5 days, and 2 days ago he emailed me asking me how I am feeling? I was somewhat surprised because I thought he would not even think about me.

I have not replied to that email. Is that the right thing to do? Not reply at all?

I still love him dearly, and if NC is painful I will still follow it even for the 1% chance of him coming back.

We had a really meaningful relationship, I have faith that he cannot forget me so soon.

admin

October 13, 2013 at 10:52 pm

Keep me updated on your progress with NC. Remember, it is what you do with yourself during NC that really matters.

Sophie

October 13, 2013 at 5:30 am

Hi Chris, I’ll try to make this as short as possible, I have been following Text your ex back for several months and your program for about a month.

Long story short: 3 ATB’s, first neutral, second positive, third very positive, BOR became 4 hour long fun, positive chat, after that 10 days of silence, then he initiated and there was a bit of texting an another 4 hour chat (long positive and flirty) abt 2 weeks after the first, and again 10 days of silence, and then…

BAM! He initiates contact, we start talking about where we have (separately) thought of going and suddenly he suggests we go to Asia together for 3 weeks this winter! This was on Friday night, we flirted a bit and at the end of the conversation (which again lasted about 4 hours) he said “so how are we gonna do this, separate rooms or sharing…? Ah we’ll think about that later..:” The day after he initiated contact, and again today he initiated contact. We’re chatting just like back when we were together! We are long distance (about 1000 miles apart) so most of our contact was on Skype or Whats App messaging, but we did meet up about once a month.

So what happened after:
Wednesday night, at midnight, he texted me “happy birthday” (my birthday is thursday, so he wanted to be the first to congratulate me, like he has been the two previous years). We texted for about half an hour, he teased me a little about me forgetting his birthday (I was in NC when he turned 30) . We flirted a little, he told me he had concerns about his fathers health, talked about plans for the upcoming weekend (this one) and when he said good night, he called me babe…. He always called me babe or baby while we were a couple, but this was the first time he said it since the break up.

The next morning ( i texted him a light question about if he’s still going to call me tonight and sing happy birthday” and we texted a bit, and then that night we did skype (although no singing) and we started planning our trip together. But at some point while we were flirting I asked in a teasing way “so why do you want to go on vacation with me?” and that is when things started getting awkward for me at least. He said something about how he could go with anyone, but both him and I wanted to go some place warm at around the same time, and I am good to travel with etc. And then he added “obviously we’ll have separate beds, no nudity”. I was really disappointed by tried to stay cool, and mumbled “obviously” back. He added “yeah it’s a muslim country after all”.

We continued chatting for a bit after that, light and fun, but I felt really sad. The next morning I sent an ATB that got a pretty positive response, but then the same evening (last night) I messaged him on skype asking if he is feeling better today (he had been sick earlier this week) and it took him almst an hour and a half to answer a simple “yes” and nothing more. He was online on skype all night though.

Honestly, would you go on a 2-3 week holiday with your ex (that still loves you) if you only saw them as a friend? He is not the kind of guy who would use me just for sex, or string me along if he knew I would get hurt.

admin

October 13, 2013 at 10:30 pm

I would not go on a 2-3 week with a “friend” that is a girl. I would do it with someone I was romantically interested in.
Sophie

October 15, 2013 at 5:01 pm

Thank you Chris, that is what I was hoping. However, he seems to be pulling back now, I am not sure how to handle the situation. I have not heard from him since Friday night. After his short “yes” reply, I just messaged him a link to a recope, and an hour later he said “thanks, that’s a great recipe, I’ll try it” to which I didn’t reply at all. I have not heard from him since. SHould I just wait for him to initiate contact, or should I send a light and fun conversation opening text? Or maybe a text saying I know he is concerned about his dad’s health, and I hope everything is ok, but I’m here if he needs to talk. I am confused.
admin

October 16, 2013 at 2:35 am

I would stay away from the dads health at this point. Just keep it casual but very light.

Jane

October 12, 2013 at 4:03 pm

Hi,
A quick question, I have been talking with me ex on and off and tried an NC, but it wasn’t a 30 day thing and things are getting tense. I certainly got the feeling at times that he missed me, but I picked up on it too early and didn’t wait for him to realise himself. We argued last week over really petty stuff. Should I have a positive fun conversation before trying NC? Or go straight back into NC? Does this make a difference?

admin

October 13, 2013 at 8:42 pm

No just go right into it.
Jane

October 12, 2013 at 4:22 pm

Also on a technical note. We use facebook a lot, so I am sure he will message me after two weeks or so. Do I look at the message which will register as “seen” to him, or do I ignore it? One will give off one message of (either she is ignoring me or not using facebook much), the other will clearly say “she is ignoring me”. I guess the first creates extra uncertainty and therefore questions himself more. ??

Thanks
admin

October 13, 2013 at 8:41 pm

I say just ignore it.

Jenny

October 11, 2013 at 3:15 am

The reason my boyfriend broke up with me was because lost feelings for me, he said he had feelings for me then they disappeared. We’ve been in a LDR for 2 years and he had just come to my area for job interviews. He was going to move here. When I asked him how he can lose his feelings for me within 3 weeks he said:

“I had to stop lying to myself about my feelings for you. that’s what changed. it was time to be honest and honestly I know you’re not the girl for me. so instead of pretending that you are, or might be, I figure it’s just time to quit.”

I’m trying text your ex back system by Micahel Fiore but still have 10 days of no contact left.

How can he be so sure I’m not the girl for him?
Can I re-attract him through long distance in this case?

admin

October 11, 2013 at 6:20 pm

Did you feel you had an awesome connection with your ex? Physically and emotionally?
Jenny

October 12, 2013 at 12:21 am

yes, but our problems were because of communication. We spoke everyday for 2 years 24/7, visited each other every few weeks. However we didn’t communicate the important things like feelings that we were both too scared to say.
admin

October 13, 2013 at 8:18 pm

Then now might be a good time for a break between the “communication” haha

Sam

October 11, 2013 at 2:41 am

My ex has been texting me practically every day since the breakup, which was a little over a month ago. Is it too late for me to start the NC rule? At this point will it do more harm than good?

admin

October 11, 2013 at 6:13 pm

It is never too late!
Sam

October 11, 2013 at 10:47 pm

Can I get an honest opinion from a guys perspective on the whole situation, though, if you don’t mind. We were together about a year and a half and once we went into long distance we only communicated through text, just as we always would when we were together on the days we didn’t see each other. So overtime things started to feel weird for the both of us, him moreso than me. I felt slightly empty and like I wasn’t in a relationship because texting isn’t real contact or I don’t feel it is at least. I would’ve been fine if we talked on the phone every once in a while or skyped, but just simply texting was hard on me. I was willing to make things work and tried to set up skype dates, but he’d always say “I dunno, maybe.” and he’d get lazy leaving no skype dates or phone calls at all. It got a point where one night he just texted me and honestly said that he felt like the spark in our relationship went out and we decided a break would probably be the only answer to this problem. He came down that same weekend and I had a nice dinner with his family. Everything was great and I think we both saw something because he straight out said that he was now confused because at dinner he actually started to see something for the first time in a while. He then decided that this break would probably just be a temporary one and that it might just come to be the greatest thing for us romantically in the long term. While we’re on this “break” we haven’t really had much of a break to be honest. It seems that the only thing on break is the I love you’s and pet names. He still texts me everyday and that’s just one aspect that hasn’t changed at all. I’ve tried my best to give him space, but the best I was able to do was two days. I did notice that when I did that I’d get texts from him saying “It felt weird not talking to you all day today” or “I kinda miss you.” I’ve also noticed other things. He’s said multiple times how he feels this break will probably just be temporary and that he could see himself getting back with me sometime in the long term. Also, when I said I was going to give his favorite jacket, that he gave me before he moved, back to his parents he said he wanted me to hold onto it for a while and when I said that wouldn’t make sense because we’re not together he said I could keep it as a friend. Finally, last week when I brought up a guy at my college who’s into me he ended up admitting to missing having me around. Does this all sound like he’s saying it as a friend or do you think he might actually be partially confused about what he really wants in life. Based off of these what do you personally feel might be running through his head? I just wanted to hear what you have to say about this before I positively follow through with the no contact rule.
admin

October 13, 2013 at 8:19 pm

To me it sounds like you are a security blanket for him. It is not a horrible position to be in but if you want him back you are going to have to drastically change things.

Ginny

October 10, 2013 at 7:29 pm

Hey, me and my boyfriend just broke up, we met at camp and things were going great but he just broke up with me randomly, he said it was because of distance and he was busy with school. Then i saw him the next week at camp and he wasn’t very friendly. i wanted to try to get back together but he said he wasn’t sure if he had feelings for me anymore. Dont know what to do but i do want him back!

admin

October 11, 2013 at 5:47 pm

Have you tried the stuff on this page yet?

Jenny

October 10, 2013 at 10:52 am

Please help. We were together 3 years. He broke up with me about 2 weeks ago, but everything was going great between us. He said it was because of the distance, but he later told me it’s because he may have feelings for another girl, although he doesn’t know if it’ll go anywhere between them. As soon as he did this, he started to ignore me completely. This all hurts so much because one day we’re talking and now he ignores me. I did nothing wrong. He even said that my next guy will be happy to have me and that I deserve better than him. He doesn’t get that I don’t want anyone else. I want him. So over the past few days, I’ve texted, email, and called. He probably hates me now and thinks I’m the most annoying creature on earth. I started no contact but once I got to day 6 (yesterday), I sent him this song via email only because I thought he’d like it. I know that was a dumb move. He’ll never reply to that. Now he probably hates me even more. So what do I do now? The more I text him, the more he ignores me, and the worst I feel. Does he really hate me? Is that why he ignores me now? But how could he be doing all this when everything was going so great? Did he suddenly forget all the great things about us? If he did forget them, will he ever remember? Will he ever miss me? Is there anything I can say to change his mind? I want to do the no contact, but will it do anything? I mean, it’s like he’s forgotten my existence already. Please help me.

admin

October 10, 2013 at 6:52 pm

Yes, do NC and you will definitely see a difference.

Kara

October 9, 2013 at 7:56 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me 5 days ago. We have been dating for two years. Both of us recently graduated from college and moved to separate states. He moved back home while I moved to a new state. We have only been doing long distance for 6 weeks. The past two have been difficult and I was putting a lot of pressure on him as a support system. I was in a new city, no friends, no job, and felt very alone. He moved home and his parents set up a job plus extra classes. He has no time to himself and he has been extremely unhappy with his tight schedule. He randomly broke up with me.. I was very confused because even the night before he had told me he loved me. A couple days prior to the break up he had also told me he wanted to spend his life with me and never let me go.

After three days of being separated we spoke on the phone. I told him I had taken the days away from him to consider our relationship. I have been depressed for a year due to other personal reasons and at the time I had not realized it/ avoided the idea of it. Due to being depressed I leaned on him for a lot of my happiness. He now says that he has felt constrained and at his age wants to have adventures and explore. He claims that the fact that I am 2 years older he has not had the time to experience some of the things I got to. He has heard my stories of traveling and doing mission trips, now he told me he has always been jealous that he has never had the time to experience this. He told me that he has not been talking to any other girls because he still feels as if he had a girlfriend and the break up seemed surreal. I had also asked if he ever thought there could be a future for us down the road once I worked and learned how to be happy again and find myself again/ while he had the opportunity to have some adventures. He said “I don’t know”. Told me he wanted to answer the question but he does not know about the future and their is a possibility we could be together again but he also did not want to say yes as to not make any promises to me.

I do believe that space between us is good right now so we can figure ourselves out and the new lifestyles we are living in, but I also do not want to lose him.

Any advice? or thoughts about my situation.

admin

October 10, 2013 at 1:52 am

I think you hit the nail on the head with the “space” statement.
Kara

October 11, 2013 at 2:13 am

I plan to do no contact for 30 days. I have done well so far and have been working to improve myself. I am only worried that if I do not contact him for 30 days will that just give him time to move on? Is not contact correct for LDR’s? Instead of missing me and reflecting on the relationship could he just move on and realize he doesn’t need me?
admin

October 11, 2013 at 6:14 pm

It is possible but very unlikely. Look at it this way. What alternative is there? Be friendzoned? Spam him to death with texts?
Kara

November 7, 2013 at 1:44 am

I did no contact for 33 days. During that time I did a lot to improve myself (got a new and great job, started volunteering, did a few mountain hike trips, got into shape, started playing in a kickball team, and made a lot of new friends in the new city). I did not text or call him/contact him in any way. Yesterday I had finally sent him a text. While we dated we went to Argentina for a month to travel. When we got back to the US we were starving and all we wanted was some American food. We were driving home from the airport and stopped at a burger joint we had never heard of before. After we ordered we realized all we had were dollar coins which we had collected over the trip. We felt terrible about paying for everything in coins but we built a funny pyramid out of it and went home. Since that time we would think about that story and laugh. Well yesterday I actually found that same burger place. So decided I would finally text and said, “I just had dinner at (name of place):) Reminded me of the time we paid that poor cashier in all Sacagawea coins. haha. Hope you are doing well.”

I thought the text didn’t sound too threatening and since I haven’t talked to him this whole time I thought he might respond in some way, instead he ignored me and I haven’t heard from him.

What now? Do I wait a few more weeks and try again or is he done with me? I know that sounds dramatic but not receiving anything back hurt.
admin

November 7, 2013 at 5:54 pm

Hmmm just wait a week or two and try again.
Kara

December 2, 2013 at 6:57 am

I spoke to my ex about two weeks ago. I was really hurt he never wrote anything back to my text. I ended up sending him a message on facebook just asking if he had some time to talk and it would be nice to hear how he was. He ended up calling me first and we talked on the phone for a little over an hour. At first the conversation was really basic. Towards the end of the convo he started to open up to me and tell me that things have been hard on him. He told me that just because he ended things it did not mean it was easy for him. We spoke about some things that had happened and how they had effected out relationship. Came to the conclusion that fundamentally we where good together but the situations we where both in made a relationship difficult.

Later I had texted him on thanksgiving.
The convo went like this:
Me-Hey! Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you and your family had a wonderful time celebrating.
Him- Hey! Happy thanksgiving. Hope all is well back home.
Me- Thanks! Its been fun being back. My mom has everyone playing beerpong in the basement. Her and my dad are running the table. Im ashamed. hah
Him–hahaha that’s no surprise, they beat us before! Its been pretty calm here. Small dinner and hanging out with friends. Im happy youre having a good time.

How long should I wait to contact him next? Should I wait for him to contact me first? Also, I can not tell if he is just being polite by texting me or if it actually means something?

Sorry for how long this is :/
admin

December 2, 2013 at 7:12 pm

2-5 days.

Faith

October 9, 2013 at 9:27 am

Hello Chris,

Last week was my ex birthday. I was supposed to come and visit him but because of the break up, he didn’t want me to come. He knew that I already prepared the gifts for him. Should I send the gift to him? I have 1 liverpool jersey (he is a big fan of liverpool), a video that I made (recording me saying happy birthday to him plus some printscreen of our chats and our pictures), and a DIY card. Will it be a good idea to send the gift?

P.S. I’m on my NC since last Sunday but he knew that I’m gonna send him the gift.

Many thanks 😀

admin

October 10, 2013 at 1:17 am

If he is already expecting it I think that is the only case where I can see it as being “ok”

Claire

October 8, 2013 at 11:54 am

I have been in a LDR with my boyfriend for 6 months. Last week his cousin told me my boyfriend has been cheating on me for the past 2 months. I went and visited him a month ago. I have visited him 3 times in the 6 months we have been together. He lives overseas so this has not been easy or cheap. Anyway I confronted him about cheating on me and he denied it. But then he admitted he kissed another girl but that was only because he was drunk. I was upset and deleted him off facebook and demanded he cut ties with her. I regret these actions now. We spoke on the phone a few times and I said i forgave him and I wanted to move on. His responses have been pretty short. His cousin doesn’t talk to me anymore either.

I texted him saying I reacted badly and that I was sorry. But he hasn’t replied. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him. I love him! Please help!

admin

October 9, 2013 at 2:10 am

Give him some time. At this piont you can’t do much but focus on yourself.
Faith

October 10, 2013 at 7:09 am

Will it give any bad impact like push him further away? e.g the video and DIY card.
admin

October 10, 2013 at 6:24 pm

It might potentially but I think it is highly unlikely that it will.

chas

October 7, 2013 at 8:21 pm

Oh and btw. Our in year anniversary is coming up nov1st.. And if i do the no contact even then?? And we have a journal we share.. If im gonna do this shoulda i go ahead and send out the journal.. It has alot about how I’ve been feeling this pas few weeks. (wrote before all this started) maybe it would help him understand where i am coming from.. Why im struggling right now?!?!
chas

October 7, 2013 at 8:14 pm

Ok. So i stumbled upon yr website and here is my story.
I dated my bf when we were 17-18. We broke up young and dumb.
We are 26now. I have a son 16months. He found out at end of last year and contacted me.
We talked off and on and ended up dating. I’ve had live for him all this time.
He said head thought about me over the year and could hold off on see how i was doing. Especially being a single mom. He said he has loved me all this time too.
He was going thru some problems so after dating 7months he moved. Just til he can get himself together. He says im the woman if his dreams. He claims ME as mother of his daughter. Claims my son as his own. Talked about us getting married (already tells ppl he is married and wears a band) and has been looking at rings for me.
Stress has been getting to us. I recently took on caring for my ailing grandfather. And he is just stressed with work wanting to come home.
He stays w family. And here past month we haunt talked AS much which was everyday multiple times and after work late at night about an hour or more. Now we are searching for time most days and because of stress it more venting and im very opinionated.. I think he takes it personal sometimes.said his family mentioned he don’t spend enough time with them. And us having disagreements. The past 3 weekends he stops talking to me after something I’ve said he don’t like.. For instance ‘dint get involved in their business” he got mad didn’t talk to me.
Well he’s done it AGAIN this weekend. I asked him where i fit into his life and he said “i don’t know” he was busy so i asked him to call later so we could talk he agreed to and never did… Here is where i have sucked up..:- i HATE when he does that fir no legitimate reason and he knows i have a short fuse so i td him how he make me feel. Thru text. Still no reply. The last thing he dis reply to was. “u act like u wish ud never met me” he said “No i don’t!!!” . I haunt heard from him since.
I don’t know what to do.. Do u think if i use the nc he will come around?!? And js he isn’t a cheater. He sends me $every week for my son send me gifts ect. But just past few weeks… Id if he’s just THAT stressed he’s shutting down or what.. What do u think would be good steps yo take?!? :- other then my son he is my true love. I have lived this man for 8yrs.
I have stood by him thru some REALLY rough struggles he always thanks me for that and says that without me he would have never got back on track. I has proclaimed his love for me to EVERYONE and i just feel like over night he’s feel out of love with me.

btw we have not broke up… Idt lol neither party has expressed that much.. Just stops talking for..longest..5DAYS but i want to do something to make him think..i could lose her..and remind him of how close we were sharing everything no secrets kinda bond..and i want him to miss me like we do him..

admin

October 8, 2013 at 2:16 am

To me it just sounds like if you haven’t broken up DO NOT use the NC rule.

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