How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,234 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Deron

October 22, 2013 at 4:57 pm

Hi Chris,
my girlfriend of six months just broke up with me two days ago when I went back to see her for the first time in two months. We were in a LDR for two months and on top of that all of her friends left for college and she was miserable. She told me that the distance was too much and she needs someone who she can see everyday and wants to be happy again.However, she told me that she still loves me but she can no longer do the distance anymore. I really still love her and care about her and want it to work but she told me that getting back together this year is not the right time. It looks like she cares and everything but also sounds like she wants to move on. What should I do?

admin

October 23, 2013 at 8:07 pm

Sorry she broke up with you. What was her reasoning?
Deron

October 24, 2013 at 6:07 pm

She wants someone who will be there and see her and also the distance was too much for her. She told me she thinks staying separate will make her and I happier but personally I do not think so. She told me she still loves me and wants to hangout with me. This is also a girl who did not want to date me before but ended up dating her for 6 months and falling in love with her. What should I do? I know I have to give her space but I am not sure how to approach this?
admin

October 24, 2013 at 8:23 pm

Give her space via NC.

Faith

October 22, 2013 at 3:24 pm

Hey Chris, remember me?

I was in my day 17 of NC when my ex texted me that he had received the gift I sent him. I couldn’t stand to reply him and asked whether the cloth fit him or not. He replied me with one word replies and after that I ended the chat saying that I have to catch a flight.
At night, out of my stupidity, I texted him again about a dog I saw in instagram and gave him the link (he is looking for dogs) and I got a very neutral reply. I regretted my stupid act of texting him.
Should I start my NC over or I can continue with this?

Thanks.

admin

October 23, 2013 at 7:58 pm

How could I forget… who are you again? No jk jk.

I would add an extra week onto NC.
Faith

October 24, 2013 at 6:38 am

I am uneasy to forget right! haha 😀

Alright, I would add an extra week onto my NC. Hope it turns out well.

Anyway, have been reading that you were sick, get well soon to you! 🙂
admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:58 pm

Yea it has been a really tough week.

Plus I think my date is going to stand me up on Saturday… Yup, EVEN I get stood up.

Oh well, her loss.
Faith

October 22, 2013 at 3:27 pm

Oh I forgot to mention that I ended the second text by saying I’m going to bed too. What do you think?

Courtney

October 21, 2013 at 6:42 pm

Hi Chris,

The rundown:

LD (read your pages), Basically he cheated on me. And Ive left and came back several times within 2 years. He’d ask for me back for months straight then push me away when I came back-but we’d get back together eventually. Either way I turned into an angry, controlling & jealous person. Mistreated him by putting him down when I was angry and making him feel bad about himself. It wasn’t on purpose but he would lie or tell me that he let me know everything then come out with a new “truth” to what else he did over the 2 years-refreshed my wound. Asked him to do research on his issues and work on them and he did..said it made him a better person but he obviously wasnt happy doing it.

Anyways-he originally wanted a break from our arguing and stress (me saying I might leave prior to this)& then I threatened to leave again and was upset about him wanting a break(bad idea). Then he broke it off with me after 2 weeks of idk’s. He had a hard time letting me go and even asked if I could do it because he couldn’t.

Offered to mail his items back and get mine back (his are expensive important milestone things his dad and mom gave him as a kid)-he said to keep them and he wanted to keep mine..asked him why if he doesnt want me and he said he just wants to and that he does want me and loves me but cant be with me because the guilt wont go away and the stress im putting on him.
Im 100% positive the guilt wont go away because I reminded him of it daily out of fear-via questions and asking him to fix things/arguing. Left saying he’d always love me and remember me.

Texted him for his birthday he responded cheerfully. Asked him about if he sent something back-he responded normally.After this accidentally broke no contact with the emotional filled i need to hear you texts/ cute things . He got angry all over facebook with lyrics and stuff. I left him alone after that mistake and started NC- 6 days. But he put up more lyrics even now. ” Dont say another word, youve crossed the line”-basically the song is talking about me being the salt in his wound etc. He said he wants to be friends because he wants me in his future-but is being mean on fb & has added random girls to make me jealous-some of which have rejected him before (probably also to try moving on?)-One girl he even asked to “sew him back up”-random girl he met. He said he doesnt know if his heart can risk it and if he can trust me. Right before all this he had given me a chance to “change” -like final hope and all and I argued -old habit :(. We were planning on getting married and having kids-we were super deep into it.

My questions:

1. If he’s SUPER DUPER angry and he doesn’t want to hear from me, why stay friends on fb or in the first place? -Will he come back from this anger-sounds like he hates me..?

2. If he is asking this girl to sew him up ( he started talking to her right after the breakup) is she a rebound? Who asks people to fix them (lol)?

3.Is he keeping my stuff and letting me keep his important/milestone/pricey stuff bc he might come back? Its via mail and he wouldnt need to see me if I sent it like I offered.

Please help Chris! I absolutely love this man & want him back! :'(

admin

October 22, 2013 at 2:19 am

1. https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-definitive-guide-to-using-facebook-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/

2. Have you read the rebound page?

3. He may be. You are allowed to break NC to get your stuff back though.
Courtney

October 24, 2013 at 4:24 pm

I read those pages. He just took down our pic from a fb album 22 days post break up. He s the type that takes things down every detail right away…so I know he left it for some reason.

Im lost. I broke NC like I said in my story to say cute stuff/miss u/2 calls tops and he got angry all over FB. So I left him alone ( NC 10 days strong!) and he’s getting FURRRIOUS. Lyrics about the damage Ive done/being a liar are increasing and alongside the pic coming down.

He is the stubborn type. I know its killing him he “cant” talk to me because he was adament that he heard my voice everyday and was crazy about me. Why is he getting angrier-isnt the NC time supposed to chill him out? Is he angry im not responding directly to the jealousy/mean stuff or because he misses me and wants me to go after him? I feel like he is taking drastic measures but IDK for what. What the heck is going on here Chris?? 🙁

Confused!
admin

October 24, 2013 at 8:19 pm

He is just reacting to the NC hahaha.
Courtney

October 29, 2013 at 5:46 am

Its just that he’s been this way for a month. Do you think with his stuborness it will wear off or help him get over me ?
Im just afraid with his friends and these chics supporting him and having only heard his side-are making him feel more right about his choice of leaving me…Is this all mean my chances are getting slimmer alongside the anger?
admin

October 30, 2013 at 3:44 am

Stubbornness wears off it just takes a lot of time.
Courtney

November 4, 2013 at 7:40 pm

Chris,

I am really worried…

I read your post about the male mindest during NC and mine falls between stubborn and angry. He never said anything mean to my face or via direct contact but he put mean/angry lyrics up on fb and tried to make me jealous VERY obviously. The last thing he had was what I said in the previous post and then lyrics pertaining to a regret song…but they may have just been for halloween not sure. He suddenly stopped putting up angry stuff and now seems fine.

Before when I left him in the past he didnt display his sadness on fb..he acted happy but this was while he was super depressed and trying to get me back so Idk if he s doing the same thing again or really is happy.

With it turned around on me now that he left me I dont know how to read into this. Do you think its that I left him with a really bad aftertaste and he wants nothing to do with me?
Bc he was angry in general but more when I tried contacting him as more than a friend BUT…. 10x more when I started NC. And even while super angry he didnt take the one pic we had together down until 22 days later which he is detailed about doing in general. You said it was him reacting to nc possibly. If he wants nothing to do with me, why does he want to get a reaction out of me with that and jealousy?

I just don’t know what to think….What kind of guy is he and is he over me?
admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:10 pm

If he wants to get a reaction out of you then for sure you still mean something to him. He may just be putting on the “false reality” I talked about and trying to convince himself that he doesn’t need you when deep down he still kind of does.
Courtney

November 5, 2013 at 6:12 pm

Btw thanks. You honestly don’t know how much I appreciate this. If it wasn’t for you helping me out I would be MUCH worse off. You’re a good guy with a big heart. All the other advice out there doesnt compare.

And ahh I see ..Thats the jist I got too. So with that said you wouldnt conclude he is an angry nc guy..more stubborn with some anger? Because him being the angry one would mean he wants nothing to do with me..which makes me think he wouldve deleted me,asked for his super pricey/milestone stuff back instead of having me keep it and not tried to get a reaction? Am I close? Because he had mean/angry stuff up but it wasn’t said to me directly.

Thanks Chris!!!!
admin

November 6, 2013 at 4:38 pm

Thats what I am shooting for. All the other advice doesn’t compare.

I think you are very close!
Courtney

November 4, 2013 at 8:18 pm

I forgot to add he said he thinks its in our best interest to stay friends bc he wants me in his future…this is during the actual breakup. He had a hard time letting me go and even wanted me to do it. But then after things were over he turned into mr. angry pants with a hint of sadness. I feel like he wants me to react but he also was upset…maybe he was angry because my reaction wasnt gratifying to him…as in I didnt act jealous or sad about what he said..just cute like I miss him. Anyways right now Im at 21 days NC. Wooh! Not to lose the question before though…Sorry for ranting!! :/ Just in pain.
Courtney

October 29, 2013 at 12:59 am

So I just balled my eyes out :/

He put up that he was sad last night on fb and today he put up that he’s “prying his third eye open”…its a song by tool, I dont know how to interpret completely…Does this mean he is happy its over and doesnt want to come back? Idk if you have a chance to look at it and tell me.:/

He’s been adding more chics/some guys that I had made him delete(girls that is) bc of the cheating/jealousy and they’re all over his wall supporting him. Im afraid them siding with him will make him feel more right about his decision since I had been the reason he didn’t talk to them. Some were people he knew from high school or a while back. Im afraid he’s associating “getting his lfe back” w/me gone.

I dont know how to take this.Is he glad its over and what do these 2 actions mean? I’m losing my mind & feeling beyond hopeless.

He’s been trying to make me jealous then put angry stuff/sad status and now this. What the heck Chris ?
admin

October 29, 2013 at 3:12 am

Just sounds like someone who is upset to me…
Courtney

October 24, 2013 at 10:41 pm

lol okay. I guess this is a good thing :P. I was worried this would mean he’d delete me next or was starting to hate me.

He put up some weird comic of himself hanging off a cliff saying “he’s almost there”. …Not trying to read into everything but he’s gotten out of control. Thanks for the quick response, you rock!

Jessica

October 21, 2013 at 2:34 pm

Hello Chris. So it has been two weeks today since our breakup and I still have not heard from him. I am still so heartbroken. But have been posting social activities/pictures on FB as normal. He lives in Austin I live in Dallas. I believe he went to visit his grandmother this weekend back home bc she is not doing so well. I can’t believe I haven’t heard from him yet, does he not miss me yet or just does it take a guy a longer time to realize what he’s losing? I know I am wifey material!I am confused as to why he may think he could find better. (not being over confident, it just doesn’t make sense)I have not had any contact since I hung up on him on the breakup phone call. Guess I’m just looking for re-assurance. Thanks for everything Chris.

admin

October 22, 2013 at 2:01 am

Wifey material LOL!

I love your attitude. How long has it been since the call?
Jessica

October 22, 2013 at 1:28 pm

Thanks, haha. It’s been two weeks yesterday (Monday). He said maybe we weren’t a match bc he didn’t want to go to church with me.I’m wondering if he realize what he’s going to lose or just really doesn’t think we are a match. He was supposed to be my date this weekend to my best friends wedding. Obviously that didn’t happen, I think he wanted to break up before then also bc he didn’t want to spend money on the plane ticket. Which he has plenty of money to spare. We weren’t mean to each other on the phone I was clearly upset and asking why questions, but we’ve never called each other any names or anything. I know he cares about me but not sure if it’s enough to want to be with me.I haven’t had any contact with him since. I would assume he feels a little bad but who knows he may be trying to find other hot girls to date, bc he quote “was sick of being the 3rd wheel during the week going to dinner with his friends”. Sorry that was a little long. Thank you Chris.
admin

October 23, 2013 at 7:51 pm

No problem.

Sorry it took me a while to respond. I have been sick all day :(.

How long have you been in NC?
Jessica

October 28, 2013 at 4:31 pm

Hi Chris. It’s now been 21 days since the break up call and I have heard absolutely nothing from him. Is this normal? Do you think it is just over? He hasn’t even checked on me or anything. Is there hope left that I could still hear from him?
admin

October 29, 2013 at 2:42 am

Yes it can be normal it really depends on the guy!
Jessica

October 24, 2013 at 1:41 am

Oh no I’m sorry to hear that! I hope you feel better! 16 days today. And nothing! 🙁 he must miss me!? We would talk… ahem, I mean text everyday. I mean a few days before we broke up he was upset, well not upset, but said something about me not saying goodnight when I was away for work. Thinking I need to go on some dates to distract me when I return from this wedding.
admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:42 pm

I feel a bit better.

If you feel dating is the way to go then go for it!

Daniela

October 20, 2013 at 8:43 pm

Hi Chris,
Ive read a lot of great information from your site, i was wondering if you could give me some advice. My ex bf and i became friends a year ago and he liked me when we first were friends but i told him i wasnt into him like that and i enjoyed just being friends. We hung out and become really great friends and a year later i realised what a great guy he was and i really didnt want to lose him at all. I had plans to go work overseas( opposite hemisphere) for 9 months he knew and because i had made him aware of my feelings he we became so close he didnt want to lose me so he asked me out knowing i was going overseas and we were gonna stick through the long distance. Four months past we contacted eachother all the time and always laughed, skyped, there are only good memories and I am now here working, he came over to visit for 10 days and during the time he came, i felt something was up and he was being abit distant from me, i tried talking to him about it but he doesnt really like conflict i guess anyways it turned out being so far apart ( and also im his first serious gf and only spending two weeks actually together before i left) he decided he couldnt do the long distance anymore, with only 4 months left to go and i would go back and be with him and live with him, that was the plan anyways. I have been sticking through the NC very well and i hope that he contacts me since he did chose to breakup with me, i still talk to his sister and mother sometimes because they have become great friends too ever since we starting being friends. I also believe that having no support from his friends made him lose hope in sticking through the time. i never thought of him as someone to give up, especially since i thought i meant so much. i know its difficult being apart but in the end we would have been together. but yeah im fine with his decision as i always told him to tell me if it gets too hard. there are alot of factors on his side that ive supported him throughout being here and being apart. i jsut didnt understand how that wasnt enough and if i did something wrong. do you think he will eventually contact me ( i think he might be too stubborn) or should i intiate the contact?
sorry for the super long explaining haha!

admin

October 22, 2013 at 12:49 am

After 30 days I think YOU should initiate the contact.

Kayleigh

October 20, 2013 at 8:41 pm

Hey Chris,

Firstly thank you so much for your advice and for providing information on LDR!

I am in a rather complex position and would like to know whether you think I stand a chance at succeeding with your plan.

Basically, I met my ex online and he was still married at first (which I didn’t know!) and we fell for each other. We met and got on really well and he ended his marriage to be with me as our connection was so strong and powerful. However, he got straight with me and didn’t allow himself to fully ‘heal’ after ending his marriage and adapting to not seeing his kids everyday. He then split with me and thought he needed to try again with his ex wife for the sake of his kids and he thought his feelings had come back for her. At this time, even though we had split, we carried on talking and it got to a point where he couldn’t fix things with his wife as he wanted me again. He left her for a second time. Again, within a week he came down to see me and we started a relationship again. We were together for 4 months and saw each other once a week or once a fortnight (depending on our plans). Anywho, he came down to see me on Friday night and ended things with me saying he felt the spark had gone and he loves me but he doesn’t love me like he should and in the same way I love him. I asked him if we could go on a break but he said he was so sure of his decision that a break wouldn’t fix things. Also, he said there’s no one else and its not so he can get back with his ex wife this time.

He felt he was being unfair on me due to his feelings changing and he couldn’t carry on like this. He said sometimes when he came down to visit me for a night over the weekend he would feel homesick and would want to leave. It was mostly him visiting me as he has had to move back with his parents whilst looking for a place of his own.

I want him back, I just wonder if you think based on what you know of my situation, your plan can still make someone get their feelings back or rediscover a spark that has faded? Do you think my relationship is fixable?

Please let me know your thoughts. Thank you 🙂

admin

October 22, 2013 at 12:47 am

I think it is fixable but as long as you have the approach of creating a new one with him.

TC

October 20, 2013 at 7:21 pm

Hi

My boyfriend and I broke up 3 weeks ago after a 7 month LDR. So far I have stuck religiously to No Contact.
The reasons he gave for the breakup seemed a bit rubbish and to be honest I think it is more related to the distance and also the pressure he is under with his final exams in a few weeks time.
I am keen to try again and have hit the gym, new hairstyle, taken up a new hobby etc which I am sure may help, but I cannot get past the idea that he is so used to me not being there that he will not miss me.
Before we broke up I started to apply for jobs in his area, two have now invited me for interview, I would really like the jobs as they pay significantly more than I am on and regardless of if he would like to see me I think they are a good opportunity.
Do you think I might damage my chances by taking either of the roles if offered as I am concerned he might think it is a desperate move, or alternatively will it help me to remove the obstacles to our relationship?

Thanks

admin

October 20, 2013 at 9:17 pm

It will help you remove some obstacles BUT you should only do it if it makes sense for your professional life.
TC

October 20, 2013 at 9:31 pm

Thank you so much for responding.

Do you think I should tell him up front so its not a surprise or if not when should I let him know?
Also he has exams in a few weeks, should I end my no contact at 30 days as normal or wait until his exams are over?
admin

October 22, 2013 at 12:55 am

Hmmm.. wait until his exams are over.

christina h.

October 20, 2013 at 3:34 am

I’ve read through your guides and am on my way to dealing with this breakup, but now I just need reassurance. Here’s my scenario: dated a guy for 8 months, met his parents and his best friends, truly had feelings for each other but never made things official due to the fact that he was moving for a business trip in London. Even before finding this site, I initiated NC because I knew that was what was best for us to move on, but he got angry with me for this. After initiating again and succeeding in NC, he contacted me and we’ve since then reconciled, exchanging emails once in a while, old school, right? I know he’s been thinking about or at least snooping on me based on how much information he knew about my recent activities like new pet, internship at a hospital, and yoga as new hobby). The thing is, he is quite the popular guy with girls, dark hair green eyes and all…not to mention he’s extremely outgoing and friendly. I know he’ll be very busy with a tight schedule in the hustle and bustle of London but also homesick being receptive of any attention he’ll get. I was thinking of just exchanging emails every so often to see how he’s doing. If he’ll be returning from London in a few months how likely do you think we’ll get another chance? and what are the best possible ways of maximizing this? I know i’ll work on myself in the meantime. thoughts?

admin

October 20, 2013 at 8:53 pm

Hey if its old school and works then it works haha!

Yes use those emails to establish a connection. Make him WANT to see you.
christina h.

October 21, 2013 at 12:35 am

Also, I know several other girls have crushes on him and they always had, even while we were together and he was aware of this. I don’t want to compete with them liking all his FB activity do you think its a good idea to lay cool or does me not giving him as much attention endanger my chances?
admin

October 22, 2013 at 1:09 am

Lay low for a while. It just feeds his ego the more you like his posts.
christina h.

October 23, 2013 at 7:31 am

That’s what I thought/am doing but it’s killing me that these other girls are giving him so much attention! Is it likely he’ll fall for them instead because of this?
admin

October 23, 2013 at 10:07 pm

I wish I knew but I don’t.

Some guys handle attention like pros others try to sleep with every girl.

Krisha

October 20, 2013 at 2:29 am

Hi Chris,

My ex-boyfriend started studying abroad in July and just broke up with me a month ago after five years of dating. In a desperate attempt to get him back, I bought a flight to Europe next month to see him but he told me that he doesn’t want to see me while I’m there. I went through the whole 30 days of NC and we still haven’t spoken since the break up.

I want to reconnect with him now that I have a non-refundable trip to Europe but at the same time I’m terrified of getting hurt again.

Should I wait for him to come to me? Or should I make the first move, and if so, what should I say?

admin

October 20, 2013 at 8:51 pm

I think it would be ok if you reached out like I suggest in this article or in the E-=Book.

caroline

October 19, 2013 at 9:49 pm

Thats good news! Total NC lasted 6 days, but I only initiated contact after 19 days, so I don’t quite know where that leaves me, but erasing those slip ups sounds good!

Shortly after my last post he also sent a message apologising for being a bit distant, giving a reasonable excuse and said he’d be more friendly next time. I’m hoping thats also quite positive, but its so hard to be subjective!

Also wanted to thank you for taking the time to create this site. Your posts are always informative, pertinent and helpful, so thank you on behalf of all of us!

admin

October 20, 2013 at 8:39 pm

No problem! Is there anything specifically you would like me to focus on the next time I write a big long guide?

Nicole

October 19, 2013 at 9:41 pm

what if hes the one that said he wont answer your phone calls or texts cuz he knows you most likley will want to talk to him but he broke up with you cuz he needed space and to figure out his life right now and told me to do the same. and I havent talked to him since that day cuz i dont want to come across as that crazy ex and all and we live 2 hours away from each other right now but I am going to be moving there in a month or so for school and he knows that but doesnt know that i got into the program yet. and he told me that maybe in a couple months we can catch up or try again. and his stuff is still at my place as well. Is any of this hopeful for me? He told me he wouldnt talk to me but I havent since that day. Should i still wait till the 30 days or wait till he comes to me cuz he said he needed his space?

admin

October 20, 2013 at 8:39 pm

Wait the 30 days.
Nicole

October 22, 2013 at 12:26 am

also, you think there is any hopeful on all this?? I told you? In the post of how to make your bf miss you i told you more of my story. btw i like your site 🙂 you said also that the 30 days always work most of the time. I wonder if it will this time but when he says space to figure his stuff out idk how long that would be.
Nicole

October 22, 2013 at 12:23 am

Im going over there in the beginning in nov and that would be over the 30 days and i have to go over there where he lives for orientation for my school, you think he will contact me by then? or should i tell him im in town? Idk im scared to even say something that I am in town for school even though he said he needed his space so like even after the 30 days should i still wait for him??????
admin

October 22, 2013 at 2:38 am

No wait the full 30 days and then tell him.
Nicole

October 22, 2013 at 6:56 am

So he wrote on his status about how he wants a relationship switch up and to live it up. What does that even mean??
admin

October 23, 2013 at 7:24 pm

Relationship switch up. Does he mean he wants to date seomone else? I don’t know that confuses me too.

Fiorella

October 18, 2013 at 3:48 pm

I had a LDR since 2011 but we would see each other 6 months per year. Until we broke up this year almost 2 months ago.

I still have him on FB, but we didnt have any contact for more than a month. I wanted to get back with him but I wasnt sure if I had what it takes to follow your steps so I didn’t make any contact even after the 30 days.

Now, about a week ago, HE contacted me. He wanted to chat on skype sometime. We had a little chat over texts and as you recommended I finished the conversation first.

Now, he contacted me again today to set a date to chat on skype. He’s the one looking for me. What does that mean? Maybe he just want to be friends with me? 🙁

I don’t know what to do. I havent replied to his text yet. Any advice??

admin

October 18, 2013 at 7:14 pm

Well, talk to him and find out!
fiorella

October 18, 2013 at 8:29 pm

The problem with my ex is that atm he rarely seems to get online. I dont know how this is going to work when trying to get him back. He never seems to be on FB.
admin

October 19, 2013 at 7:43 pm

I guess you could try email?

Malin

October 18, 2013 at 4:38 am

Another update! Since today was day 33 of NC, I finally, nervously, sent my first text, and I think he responded positively. His reply was fairly long. I didn’t wait an hour after replying though, since it was 10pm, but I waited 20 minutes instead, told him I was doing really great, and then he replied with just “awesome, that’s good” which I didn’t reply to. I felt like it was too short to warrant a nicer “i have to go now” reply.

I’ve read all your articles, but I still need to ask. Am I doing it right? haha!

admin

October 18, 2013 at 6:56 pm

You did! I hav eno problem with what you did. However, I would have still ended it with a “I have to go” message but no worries you did well 🙂
Malin

October 18, 2013 at 11:56 pm

I do have a few questions about my next step though, do I wait another week or so before texting again? If so, do I start out with the remember the good times text, or do I have to start a conversation then go into that?

I really want to wait until he texts me though… If he doesn’t ever initiate contact, I feel like I have no chance, and I’ll just be stuck chasing him.
admin

October 19, 2013 at 8:15 pm

Your first text you need to end the conversation immediately. I explain this really well in the E-Book.

You send a remember the good times text and then after his response you end the conversation.

Emma

October 17, 2013 at 10:44 pm

Hi,

I was with my boyfriend for 1 year and 8 months (4 months LDR) and he broke up with me a week ago, because he wants me to be happy (he can only come visit twice a year and i cant go there.We would have had a 5 year LDR) and we should carry on with our lives and be friends. He said that if we call once a month to know how our lives are going on and when he comes to visit we see each other. So i was wondering should i try this? and would it even work?

admin

October 18, 2013 at 6:23 pm

I can’t guarantee anything. However, I can say they are the tactics that have worked the best out of anything I have ever seen before.

Peter

October 17, 2013 at 7:11 pm

Hello Chris,
I tried to leave a comment but I’m not sure if it went through. I have been in a 1 year, 9 month and 25 day ldr relationship with the most wonderful girl I’ve ever met. She broke up with me on Oct 6 and it’s devastated me ever since. I’ve been finding difficult to eat and drink. She broke up with me because she said we need to gore and that we can’t do that when were together. She said that we’re too dependent on each other. I want her back more than anything but at the same time I want her to deal with what she needs to deal with. I have learned how to be independent but still working on it. She told me “never again” and “I don’t love you anymore” but yet with us talking again (after a four day NC) she seems to really care and not seem to want to lose me. I’m very confused but I want to eventually turn this rebuilding friendship into a rebuilding romantic relationship. What can I do? I want to share my newly found joy with her but as her boyfriend not as her friend. Again, what can I do?

admin

October 18, 2013 at 6:02 pm

It did go through I just have to moderate them all because I get an eye opening amount of spam.

People say things they don’t mean during those high emotional points.

Are you guys LD? For now I would work on doing a NC rule and completing it like you kind of are.
Peter

October 20, 2013 at 12:05 am

So she texted me today and I saw that on her twitter she says I’m being immature since I’m ignoring her now after I sorta begged her a week ago to not block me out. I ended up spilling out my guts about how I’m doing and how I’m falling apart emotionally and physically. What can I do? I’m just wrecked..
admin

October 20, 2013 at 8:44 pm

Wait, so you broke NC to her? 🙁
Peter

October 21, 2013 at 12:48 am

Yes I did because she got upset and was worrying. She told me that she was thinking of me. I’m just so hurt and confused.
admin

October 22, 2013 at 1:11 am

You know I am creating a site for men just like this one I wish I had it now so I could refer to things for you to look at.
Peter

October 19, 2013 at 9:35 am

Yes we’re a LDR. I forgot to specify that sorry!
I’ll do my best!
Thank you!

Aki

October 17, 2013 at 4:17 pm

Hi Chris,

I and my boyfriend were in relationship since last 5 years.It was always LDR.For first one year it was different states and the rest four years,different countries.
In between these years we broke up three times,always initiated from his side.Now this is the fourth time again he broke up.But this time this break up is taking my life.
We were planning to get married.We are indians.His parents are against our marriage.My parents are ok with the marriage but my father is not much interested after knowing that his parents are against it.But still he(father) is ok with my decision as I will be happy.
As we were in LDR,we were speaking very less with each other.Since the time he has got a job over there he is very very busy on weekdays plus the time difference of 9 hrs.On Saturdays generally we spoke.Earlier when he was studying,we talked almost in every three days.
Now suddenly from last 2 weeks he was not calling me ,after i told him about my fathers thought.one day in the mid of week,i messaged him are you angry with me ? he said why ? I said just you call me very rarely nowadys and msgs are also very less from ur side.Since then he didnt reply.
After 2 days it was his birthday,he did not pick my call.I called three times.The next day he called me and said he is confused ,whether to marry me or not.I said let it be then.I dont want confusions.tell me yes or no.He said ok then you can move on.Since then today is the 4rth day after break up and i did not contact him.
But i want him back asap as it is the time when we both are planning for marriage.I want him to be my husband.I dont want him to move on.Second thing is all my relatives know about my relationship and being Indian ,you can understand now.Please suggest.

We met only when he came to India in last four yrs.

Please help in my situation.

admin

October 17, 2013 at 6:51 pm

Have you implemented NC?
Aki

October 18, 2013 at 4:37 am

Yes.today is 5th day of NC.
Aki

October 27, 2013 at 6:49 am

Hi Chris,

Its been 12 days of my NC.He did not contact me..I will continue with NC but not getting what is he thinking ,he did not contact me.Is he not missing me..many things going in my mind.
admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:38 pm

You still have almost 2 weeks of NC left…
Aki

November 11, 2013 at 7:42 am

Hi Chris,

How are you ?
I am excited and upset too.
Excited because I am in the last 3 days of my NC and upset because during these days,he did not text me,did not call me, did not email me and did not initiate any contact.

I am wondering how how how can he not miss me ??

One more thing,which can make the complete meaning of my NC change is,I forgot to tell you that post break up,we are still friends on Facebook.After break up he deleted few posts which proved we were in a relationship and when I went to delete few I saw he already deleted his names from the posts he was tagged with me and by me,leaving the posts behind as it is.urggghhhh…

BUT POINT IS WE ARE FRIENDS ON FB still..
He could see my posts ,I haven’t posted much though in last 27 days,just a picture of me was uploaded,a very beautiful one :D..He must have seen it but did not like or comment.Moreover his family members are also on my FB friends list.

I also saw only one pic of him tagged by his friend in these days :D.So I thought might me he is not enjoying without me :P.

One more thing which I did yesterday and today is I kept myself online(available to chat) ,when I saw him online,which I should not have done.

So ,Chris,Is it a big mistake that we are friends on FB ??

And the thing which I mentioned just above of me being online ,is a blunder I know.

But I read in few posts that during this NC period,I need to show him that I am happy without him,moving on and not needy.How will I show this in LDR ?? I think social networking sites is the only way to tell them.So being friends on social networking sites is a good idea ??
I am confused.
And one more thing is I want him to contact me this time.THIS IS THE THIRD BREAK UP in last five years of LDR.In the first break up I pleaded and begged for few days and then controlled myself with a period of 18 days of NC,then by just being friends for few days and after 2 months of break up we were together again.In the second break up which happened when we met after 1 year and 8 months(first break up happened in this period,when he was in other country ) of LDR AND I lost my weight alot so he was not happy. I did not plead or beg but there was NO NC period this time and we were back in three months after break up,when I gained weight again and was physically fit.Now this is the third time just before our plan of getting married,he said he is confused whether to marry me or not.This time from the first day after break up,I followed NC,Though we are friends on FB. Should I extend my NC PERIOD?? I want him to contact me :):D:P.

Thanks Chris :):)
admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:33 pm

ONly if you feel extending it is the right thing to do.
Aki

November 12, 2013 at 9:41 am

I think I should extend my NC period.As discussed with my best friend,she says not to contact him this time.According to me and her,if he really needs me ,he will contact.
But I know him,so I know that he is super egoistic.He always wants me to initiate call or text msg.
I want him to contact me.I don’t know why he did not contact me during this NC month.Or may be this is the first time I tried NC deeply,so I came to know this that he will not contact me if I don’t contact him.
So I am confused whether to contact him or not ?
Anyways ,we are friends on FB ,which is ok right ?
admin

November 12, 2013 at 7:27 pm

Have you read my guide on the male mind to NC?
Aki

November 14, 2013 at 5:30 pm

Hi Chris,
30th day was yesterday,but I did not text him.I think I will wait till one more week from today.However I will give him full scope to speak with me like keeping myself on available status on email and FB,from today itself.
I want to do this because I want to have some self respect.In our relationship of 5 years,maximum its me to apologize,and to initiate contact.But when we spoke last ,I said to him that I will not keep any contact with you.ha ha.Now I want to take my words back and say to him man call me 😛 .Lets see,if he contacts me.HE WILL I KNOW..what do you say ? Your comment on this really matters a lot to me.
admin

November 15, 2013 at 5:12 pm

Just say you needed some time alone but you still want to talk to him.
Aki

November 13, 2013 at 2:11 am

I have read the few points you mentioned above from day 1 to day 30,what’s going on in a guys mind.But nothing happened in my case.Might be he is thinking the same.But he did not try to contact me by any ways during this period.please suggest.If there is some other guide too.Do let me know.
admin

November 13, 2013 at 7:28 pm

Well waht are you doing going forward?

Tania

October 16, 2013 at 7:51 pm

Hello Chris,

I just found out this article and thought it was very interesting, I really hope it helps me.
Since about a week ago, I was in a 5 month ldr. Everything seemed fine. We met on summer for the first time and I was going to visit him on winter.
Just some days ago, he asked me for a break. He said that it wasn’t me, that he had insecurities. He thinks it’s better if we know each other more before we date, that he thought we rushed things and wanted to be friends. I remembered him that I already had the ticket and he said that it would be good to be together in person because it would help us to know each other better, but meanwhile it was better to be friends, that dating other people wasn’t an issue.
I acted cool most of the time (tried to) but I was a mess next days (mostly because I got really ill and that messed me up) I just contacted him once to send him a thoughtful present that couldn’t bear to finish (in a polite tone) and now I’ve started the NC rule.
I don’t know if it will really work, I’m scared of him finding another girl before I get there.
I’ve been really taking care of myself, I’ve become stronger and more independent though I’m really scared of the outcome.
I’ve also contacted with his mom (while I was messed up and ill). We talk a lot and I needed to talk to someone that knew him and to know if I had another place to stay if things went wrong. She also got upset about him and told me that if he didn’t want me, shame on him, haha.
Do I follow the same steps even when he isn’t much of a talker and we couldn’t text that often due to Internet issues? I really texted him a lot (I’ve been thinking that maybe too much in our relationship) so I’m sure he will notice my absence.
I just don’t know if this applies to this type of break. It scares me a lot.

Thank you a gazillion times.

Tania

admin

October 17, 2013 at 2:53 am

Yea I would follow these steps if he isn’t much of a talker. However, you would really benefit a lot to read the rest of the site.
Tania

October 17, 2013 at 7:21 am

Where do you recommend me to start?
admin

October 17, 2013 at 6:27 pm

Start with the first post ever written and work your way up. So, here is the first post: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/
Tania

October 20, 2013 at 9:28 pm

That sounded more like an evil laugh ¬¬
Tania

October 20, 2013 at 6:08 pm

Well, those were things that got me afraid, but not that I’m thinking on them all the time, haha. Just told you about them for the possible next LDR article 😉
Also if I ended my last conversation with him saying that I needed time and space to think about what he told me, do I still continue with NC? (probably is a yes, Dammit! XD)
admin

October 20, 2013 at 9:15 pm

Yes hahahahahahaha
Tania

October 19, 2013 at 1:21 pm

Right now nothing pops out of my mind, but there are little things that worry me when my NC finishes. For example, time difference is really getting me nervous, I’m not sure he will be able to reply on time and maybe he does when I’m sleeping so the finishing line is kind of difficult to apply and not sure what to do then.
Also, what if your LDR is not from many years but months like in my case? It’s more difficult to get him back like that? Living in different countries rather than states puts things more complicated, etc. Things like that that I’m sure will probably make many man insecure about these kind of relationships.
In my case that’s what he said he was and that felt we rushed things when we meet for real.
Also I’m on my 7th day and keeping strong! 😉 I think I’m better than many people because I’ve never been a drama queen and although it hurt his decision I’ve been always a more understanding type of person. I just hope we can work out things.
admin

October 19, 2013 at 8:49 pm

Well, I am the kind of person that tackles one thing at a time. All the stuff you are worrying about lets not worry about until we come to that bridge. For now, focus on getting through NC.
Tania

October 18, 2013 at 9:53 am

You should write more LDR ones. It’s difficult to find good information about them on the net and this article helped me a lot in many aspects.
It’s just that LDR are different from normal relationships because you tend to open more yourself from the start and the other obvious facts.
And a little note I wanted to add is that the hour difference will make it difficult to get some instant reply for many people when they start texting 🙂

By the way, I already ended up in this article. I’m a fast reader, I read lots of books, he he.
I will also update my case as soon as this evolve so you have more material 😉
admin

October 18, 2013 at 7:04 pm

Thanks I will keep that in mind. Any ideas on what specific thing about LDR I should write about?
Tania

October 17, 2013 at 11:30 am

I’ve started from the beginning and I’m finding them really interesting.
I just ended with the friendship one, that maybe applies to my case, though he said he wanted to try it again when I came. I just hope he tries to text me, but being no so much of a talker, I’m afraid he wont. Waiting is really, stressful. Meanwhile I will read all of your articles to see how can I deal with this. It’s just that my situation is kind of weird.
admin

October 17, 2013 at 6:40 pm

Yea everyones situation is always unique. I am hoping to just keep adding articles covering every situation but it takes so much time to do it right.

TMM

October 15, 2013 at 5:57 pm

Well, I had a LDR with a Virgo guy. We met in Vienna, 2months contact, 2 months not, then he came back to his country, we started our distance friendship with a three months cut, as he wanted, N.C worked there for me, he didnt write me anything, but when I texted him for new year, I heard unbelievable things, that he missed me, he tried to write me but he didnt dare etc.From Jan. 2013 we saw us just once in Germany when I went to visit my cousin who lives near him, He texted me after our 4-hour meeting that he wanted to kiss me, hug me etc. He came to meet me just some hours, as he killed himself to say, he did not want to fall in love with a girl(me) he likes for a long time, cause I lived in Vienna that time. He didnt called it a relationship, althougth everything was like a relationship in past 1 year. We even had sex chat in whatsapp even till last week,He is a Virgo guy…so diificult to expose his feelings, but from few sentences he has said, I got how emotional he is,A German Virgo, sometimes he is cold, distant and he almost never talks about his feelings, any way I came to a city near him, He was interested when I was applying for the university, asked me several times about the result of my admissions, but seemed lost his interest, once told me I should not decide for this university not because of he is near, Really tried to make him sure that I come for my studies. Its 2 weeks I am in Germany, just one hour far from him by car, I didnt see anything about seeing him, but he just kept distance from our last discussion in september, although we had great time chatting and even sex chat, we didnt chat every day.I asked him 10 days back if he wanted a distance for a while but he said he wanted now and then taking.he were there but sometimes COLD .he really went on my nerve on sunday and I broke up with him, he said nothing just ok. and blocked me on whatsapp…

P.S He has showed not that much feeling but here are some: showed jealousy several times, said he thinks no one can be loyal as I am, he really really enjoyed our sex chat, one we had discussion and he said he wanted to block me on whatsapp but he knew he missed me…..but now he has blocked 🙁

He is really hardworker, does have just one friend, and what he wants, is to set up a family (he may said about it just 2-3 times in this 1.5 year I know him but I know that he wants a soulmate)

What should I do, I even dont know if there is another girl in between, as I know him, not, he hardly can trust anyone, specially after his last break up when his GF cheated on him.
I dont want to beg him, want to find myself in my new situation and new university but I love him, although he is difficult to treat with….

admin

October 16, 2013 at 2:39 am

Pretty much do this page haha. Have you tried NC?
TMM

October 16, 2013 at 9:33 am

I’m on third day. 🙂 ,,,As I said, It worked for me once…hope it works this time as well. 🙂
I’m working on myself as well…wanna call him to invite for my birthday party in 1.5 months. till then N.C 🙂
admin

October 17, 2013 at 2:24 am

Haha good luck to you! You should read the new post.

Faith

October 15, 2013 at 3:17 pm

Hey Chris!

I am on my day 10 of NC and he didn’t seem to miss me. I’m wondering will this NC still work if he’s the one who broke up with me and asked me to move on because he lost his feeling towards me and he said it’s over?

TMM

October 16, 2013 at 9:30 am

Hi Faith,

N.C once worked for me when he broke up with me…It took 1.5 months…Hope it works for you and myself as well(I am again in N.C)

Bests
Faith

October 17, 2013 at 5:26 am

Hey TMM,

Thank you for the support! I really hope this NC will work. I really hope I can get back together with him. Hope all the best for you too! 🙂
admin

October 16, 2013 at 2:23 am

You are only 10 days in. Though this is a normal thing that happens. I say stick with the plan.

Marissa Nutter

October 15, 2013 at 3:54 am

My ex is in the army. Which makes all of this very difficult. He leaves this Thursday for a training program that will last a full 30 days. He will have no access to phones or computers. No contact with the outside world. Now will this count as my NC period or will I have to wait until he gets back his phone privileges and then start the NC? Plus he will be back home for Christmas so I have a very limited time frame. What should I do?

admin

October 16, 2013 at 1:45 am

I think you have to wait until he gets his phone back actually.

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