Last week I had the pleasure of interviewing Chris (yep, she has the exact same name as me.)
Her situation was really intriguing because she actually met a new guy during the no contact rule and decided to pursue him. Of course, as these things typically go, right as she gets the new guy the old one comes back.
So, if any of this sounds interesting to you,
- A unique look at how our program can work on people who aren’t exes
- What being unblocked by an ex usually looks like
- How to thrive during no contact
- The importance of letting go of an ex to get them back
Then you are definitely going to want to listen to this interview.
Chris Seiter 00:02
All right, today we are talking to Chris, which is funny. But Chris, Chris has kind of a unique success story. She came through our program. I don’t know too much about her situation, actually, which is, which I think is gonna make for a great interview. But from what I understand she came through our program to get an ex back about a year ago, and decided that she didn’t want him back anymore. But now he’s blowing up her phone. Do I have that? Right? Yeah, absolutely. Okay, interview over let’s we’re done. Yeah, right. Worked. Follow the program. Yeah, right. Okay, so why don’t you take us back to the very beginning and, you know, take us off, I was devastated. I dated this guy for
three months, it seems like a short amount of time, but it really felt like we were moving in the right direction. And then one day, after we came back from a short, like, vacation, he broke up with me, and then blocked me on his phone. And I went all like emotional on him, you know, last night, etc. And went to his house and was like, What’s going on, and I don’t get it, you know, and just didn’t feel it anymore. And didn’t think he could be the guy I needed him to be and all of this. So I was like, okay, and I left and was devastated and was looking for something to help me get through it. But at first looking for something to help me get him back. And that’s when I stumbled upon your program, and started learning.
Chris Seiter 01:39
Okay, so he basically breaks up with you after this vacation, right? And doesn’t just break up with you, he blocks you. On the phone, I couldn’t text him. And then he dropped me on Facebook, and he just dropped me everywhere. I was like, What is going on? It was so odd. That’s intriguing. Okay, I mean, that’s not that’s obviously horrible and everything, but it’s intriguing, because we know where we’re going to kind of end up right. And lately, for some reason, in the community, I’ve noticed a lot of people panicking because they’ve been blocked on the phone. So I feel like your story can help those type of individuals. But so you go and do kind of the typical thing. You go to Google, you go to YouTube, you start searching frantically for how to get your ex back, you somehow stumbled into our ecosystem? Did you stumble into any other ecosystems and try any other programs first? Um, no, I didn’t really try any other programs.
I think I think what I liked about your program first is that you had that Facebook group that I could kind of kind of like sit in and kind of hang out and just watch everybody else and kind of what they were doing and then then jump in, you know, what else I liked about your program was the audio. I could listen to your audio books. So I’d be like, you know, getting ready listening to yours for the day listening to your stuff, or in the car driving listening to your program.
Chris Seiter 03:02
It’s kind of cool. Yeah. Did you listen to the podcast at all? Now that you’re on the podcast?
Right. Um, actually, I listened to one I think, that wasn’t like, mostly it was the books that I was listening to. And the Facebook group,
Chris Seiter 03:19
for sure. Okay. So you’re kind of one of those those lurkers in the Facebook group that took a while to get your toe. Right, you know, dipped in, but obviously at some point did you dip in did you get like a battle buddy? Did you do I did.
I got a battle buddy. She was great. Um, then I actually somebody else latched on to me through the group, and then we became messenger, you know, Facebook Messenger, buddies about it. And so the community is just really great. And being able to tag people on Facebook when you have a question. Yeah, have them answer you right away and help you through it. All of that was key, for sure.
Chris Seiter 04:03
Okay, so obviously, we’re skipping over some important stuff. You’ve, you’ve resolved to get your ex back, you’ve taken the step of getting the program you’re in the community. But you’re blocked. So what is your no contact look like? Do you how do you text him when that that kind of goes about why don’t you take us through that?
So um, after I had looked into your program, I was deciding okay, I need to, I need a 30 to 45 day no contact because I lost my emotional control on him. I went to his house. He was still texting me a couple of days after that, but it was very, like blah. After he unblocked me, so he blocked me and then unblocked me the next day.
Chris Seiter 04:51
Okay, so it was kind of a quick unblocking walk you again at any point,
um, you know, I don’t remember if he did I know he did. didn’t block me on Facebook. He just unfriended me. And I know from my brief history with him, that he was somebody who checked other people’s Facebook pages, because he was like, Oh, check on the plane home from this vacation. He was like, Oh, check that person out, you know, because I think I’m blocked. And it was just one of our mutual friends or whatever. I was like, okay, so I checked it out. And he was like, oh, there’s always a way to just so I remember him mentioning, there’s always a way to find things out. And I was like, okay, so I knew he would be checking out my Facebook page. Yeah. And he tipped his hand to that too, because at the end of March, and we had broken up at the end of February, when I had just started a new job and inland a huge deal. And I posted about it, and he did reach out a day later and texted me and said, I saw you got a deal. Congratulations. And I was like,
Chris Seiter 05:54
even though you’re not friends on Facebook at this point. Right. Yeah. Just I just heard through the grapevine. Is that is that the whole the whole show?
No, I would I just assumed, you know, I was friends with his son’s girlfriend on Facebook still. So I don’t know. You know, he, I guess you could have heard it from her.
Chris Seiter 06:15
But he could have, he could have taken her phone and looked it up just yet. Right?
No, I think he, um, I was still open. I didn’t change anything about my Facebook, kind of like your program said, don’t make any huge changes. Leave things the way they are. And my Facebook was never like closed, it was open to friends of friends. And so if his son’s girlfriend was a friend, he had access, and I knew that so I was going to be as big as I could be throughout this whole thing. So you basically are going through the No Contact Rule? Did you struggle at all with that? Absolutely. Because he reached out, you know, he texted me. And I was like, oh, you know, I want it so bad to text him back. I mean, I did goof up at one point, in the very beginning, it was probably two days in. And I just basically said thanks to that text, write about the deal. And then after that, I was like, Alright, I can’t do that anymore. I had to restart. I had to restart the whole nine, no contact thing. And then I was good. But it was hard. I’m glad I had the battle buddy. I had, I’m glad I had the community to fall back on because I could, you know, go on there and say, oh, you know, he texted me and everybody’s like, no, no, don’t text you back. You know?
Chris Seiter 07:43
So. So that’s interesting. You basically said you were kind of doing a 30 This 45 day, no contact. He reaches out to you day two of that you say thanks. You started over from the beginning. Did you end up breaking it again? Or did that support system of the battle buddy or the community kind of helped bring you through that?
Yeah, I didn’t break it again. So I was pretty proud of myself at that point.
Chris Seiter 08:09
Okay. Did you what kind of changes do you feel like you made during the no contact?
Everything I was, I was bound and determined to get my life in order and to be somebody who would be attractive not only to him, but just anybody. I was still going to go date I decided I needed to date other people, just to kind of distract me. From the whole thing. Was that pretty horrible?
Chris Seiter 08:39
Most people say it’s horrible.
To date. It can be I mean, I did. So fast forward, I ended up finding this great guy,
Chris Seiter 08:46
right. But initially afterwards, did you struggle with it? Yeah,
I did. I mean, it only took me a month to meet this great guy that I thought was great and start falling for him. But he was also one of those that was kind of off limits, not sure what he wanted. So this whole program helped me you know, kind of keep myself from texting my ex ERP, but also helped me on the other side with being really emotional and having emotional control. And not being pushy. And being very patient on the dating side, too. So okay, great.
Chris Seiter 09:27
So this is interesting. So you’re basically saying you met the new guy, like a month after no contact ended or like right when no contact right when no contact ended?
Oh, actually. Actually, I met him. I gotta say I met him probably two weeks after we broke up. So I met him during the no contact phase. And things just maybe started amping up. Okay, as a contact.
Chris Seiter 09:55
Did you like meet him at a work function?
No, I met him online. I met him Man online dating to me that was like the, that was the thing that I needed to get over the hump of. Yeah, Guy and it’s so funny, I signed up, like maybe a couple of days after we broke up. I was like, Fine, I guess I’m gonna go back on to dating where I met this guy to, you know, my ex ERP. And then I go on, and the next morning, I’m flipping through and they’re his face pops up. It was just like, dying. I was like, oh, first I was like, devastated. And I’m like, you’ve got to be kidding me. Like, already, you’re on here after, you know, dumped me. So,
Chris Seiter 10:38
but aren’t you on there too?
I know. But I wasn’t the dumper. You know, it was kind of like it’s true. It’s kind of like, okay, you dumped me, I guess I have no other alternative and to get back out in the dating pool, but so it was kind of interesting. And I think he blocked me on the dating site, which is fine. But um,
Chris Seiter 10:56
okay, so you eventually are on this dating site, you during no contact, see this new person? Do you immediately start dating him during no contact? Or at least taking him out on dates? Or him taking you out on a date during no contact? Or did that wait until
we went on date? We went on a date. We went on a date during no contact.
Chris Seiter 11:20
Okay, that’s interesting. How did that go?
It was great. Actually, I was really, so I was really attracted to him. And we hit it off really well. And it’s funny the first day I had with him. I left that date because it was a very impromptu date. Like, it’s like, Can we meet after work today, I really want to meet you because we were texting and doing the whole messaging thing. And so I was like, I guess I can squeeze you in. And I did. And then when I left him, I went to my real date that I had set up with another individual that I did not meet online, he and I were friends and decided to go out on a date. So yeah, I was busy. I can’t busy. I kept myself busy with dating. And I also kept kept myself busy with all of the hobbies that I started. And all of the improvements I was doing in my life. So I was really busy.
Chris Seiter 12:15
Did you post about the date on social media?
No, I did not. Well, I did not post about the date I posted about where I was, like going out to dinner. Okay. I posted like a check in.
Chris Seiter 12:31
Yeah, I like that. Yeah. Okay. So no contact ends, you’ve been on a date with this new guy, you are actually feeling like you’re attracted to this new person, which, interestingly enough, Chris. That’s kind of rare. Like most people who come through our program who go on dates actually dread it, they hate the dates. Use first
date. Okay, I went on a couple of other dates, which were bombers. And I was like, this sucks.
Chris Seiter 13:03
But you kind of found a winner in the guy. And then how does that look? You come out of no contact? Are you at that place where you’re kind of like confused on if you want your ex back? Or if you just want to go forward with the new guy.
Yeah, I was still confused. I mean, if maybe, you know, at the end of a no contact if the guy would have been open to because I did. I did the whole program. I did the reach out for you know, help text, you know, or advice text. And he was he responded, but was very short. And by the way, on his end of the spectrum, he also linked up with another woman not too long after he broke up with me and was still, you know, pursuing her. So I was like, okay, he must be done with me. He’s with this new girl. I’m gonna reach out and see what happens. And he would respond with some help. But then that would be about it. You know, it would be it would kind of end there. I’m
Chris Seiter 14:04
sure that that kind of further push you into the new guys. Yeah.
Okay, I guess you’re not. You’re really not that interested. I don’t know. You know, I know you’re still dating that other woman. So I didn’t you know, I didn’t go crazy about it. I guess at that point. It was interesting. I mean, I still want to entertain dating him, he would have asked me out at that point, but he he didn’t you know,
Chris Seiter 14:31
okay, so at some point, or maybe a better question is at what point? Is it like an organic process of getting to this point where you’re like, you know what, I’m gonna put most of my focus on the new guy. Or is it just like after that initial attempt to reach out and almost like his coldness. Did that almost push you into the arms of
the new guy? Yeah, I would say it did for sure. It wasn’t like I put all of my energy into the new guy either, because how odd is that? Right? Yeah, I am. And he wasn’t ready either clearly, to be in a committed relationship with Me, either I could tell that. So I was still dating him and still dating other people, even though I knew that I wanted to be with him.
Chris Seiter 15:24
If that makes any sense, yeah, no, I mean, the does. So the new guy. You mentioned a little bit earlier in the interview that you had to use some of the techniques on him. He almost had some avoidant tendencies himself. Can you maybe walk us through that?
Sorry, I think the whole social media posting thing was huge again, because he’s, uh, he’s on social media all the time. He still is.
Chris Seiter 15:50
What’s these guys that you’re dating? It’s like, yeah, social media mavens or something like that.
Yeah. And I think the new thing now especially on Facebook, or and probably anywhere, but I’m just more on Facebook. These guys throw out these dicasteries nets to ask for all of these friends from their friends groups, to all these different women. I think they sit there and like, go, oh, that she looks cute. She’s with what she knows my friend, I think I’ll send her a friend request. And so I mean, with him I was looking at is the s like cheese? How many new friends can you get in one month, you know, like, 30 different women and guys, too, but it was like she’s, you know, a heck is going on. So I just knew he wasn’t in the mode to be somebody who was in a committed relationship. At that point. He was really still searching and trying to get over his, his breakup, probably his divorce. And, and so I was just going to be patient with him. I was like, okay, you know, I really liked him, but he’s obviously not ready. And I’m just going to keep living my great life and posting about it. And I know he’s on social media all the time. So he would see it, and like it. And you know, even text me commenting about some things. So that’s just kind of how I, I feel like I helped if the program helped me land him too, because I didn’t let myself lose emotional control with him. I was very patient knowing he was fearful avoidant of being in a relationship, especially after all he went through. So I focused on having great times with him, when we had the times I focused on sending those texts that were going to grab his attention, you know, that I learned through your program, and make him laugh or smile or whatever. So I’m building up those moments with them in those times with them to make the relationship stronger that way.
Chris Seiter 17:52
Did you you mentioned you, you sent text messages. And you’re kind of you’re kind of putting some effort into pursuing him. And but you’re mentioning he wasn’t at a place emotionally where he was maybe ready to enter into committed relationship? Did you also start dating other people while you were trying to approach it?
I did. I had, I wasn’t intimate with anyone. All right. But I had to start dating just to kind of like, stay open because I didn’t want to fall in that trap of this is the only person who’s going to receive my energy when I’m, I know, I’m not the only person receiving some energy from him. So there had to be that mutual, you know, understanding there, even though that’s not what I wanted. I could tell it clearly wasn’t what he wanted. By
Chris Seiter 18:45
literally what I was gonna ask is, did you notice he him start to chase a bit more when you started doing that?
Yes, I mean, chasing in the way that people think is chasing? Maybe not. But I mean, we would, we would have a run of maybe two or three days of texting, or maybe meet up and then two or three days of texting, and then I might not hear from him for two or three weeks even. But he might like something on my Facebook page. And you know, I might like something on his or whatever. But there was no real communication. Maybe for two or three weeks, the old me would have lost my mind would have been like cheese, the weeds come on, you know, we just talked for two or three days. Where are you? The new me was like, I guess you need some space right now. And I’m just going to have to hold out and wait till he responds to me or until something happens in my life. That’s so fun and funny that I want to share with him. That’s going to make him reach back out to me. So I did those things.
Chris Seiter 19:44
Okay, I mean, it seems like you’re doing you’re like holding your boundary. Perfect. Right? So not to jump in between the two guys, but you’ve gotten pretty far down the road with a new guy and you’re kind of slowly getting closer and closer. Did you Do did you kind of like what’s happening with the with the exit this point did? Is he starting to kind of re pursue you? Or is it still radio silence for him? No,
there were probably three or four months of maybe radio silence from him. And then all of a sudden, it was like, boom, text out of nowhere. Just checking to see how you’re doing. I haven’t talked to you in a while. You know, even wanted to meet me out for coffee. You know,
Chris Seiter 20:28
I started kicking in. Yeah, I agreed
to meet him out for coffee, because I thought to myself, you know, maybe he needs? Yeah, maybe he needs closure. I mean, I really, at that point, I was so into the new guy, I was thinking, you know, I don’t think I could go back to that. That guy, you know,
Chris Seiter 20:45
oh, that’s music to my ears. Because it probably worked. So so like, how did the meeting go when you did meet him for coffee,
and met him out for coffee. And I, you know, in my mind, again, I thought maybe he just needs closure. Like maybe he thinks he was really awful person to me. And he just needs closure, and he just needs to hear that I’m okay, and see that I’m okay. And, and we could still be friendly, whatever and call it call it a day. But we met out for coffee. And he started dropping hints that you know, he had made a mistake. And he was just afraid at the time and didn’t think he could do be the guy I needed him to be like he said, and he really looks back and knows that I was the best match for him. Even though again, I think he’s still dating this other girl at this point. So well, what’s going on? I thought you were dating someone? And he said, Yeah, I think she’s going through a lot of issues. And I don’t know that she’s the one for me, and
Chris Seiter 21:47
rest isn’t so green on that other side.
So I mean, it’s interesting, the whole timing of it. Because if he would have done that, I don’t know, three or four months prior, I probably would have taken him right back. Yeah, I would have said, well, let’s give it another shot then. But where I was at that moment, I was very secure and telling him you know, I’m sorry that this all happened. There’s no hard feelings on my end. But I’ve already, you know, into the start of another relationship with someone else that I care about very much. And, and I did tell him, I said, Well, you deserve the best. So I mean, I would hold out for the best if you don’t think you’re getting it. And that’s all I said. And, you know, we hug goodbye and went on our separate ways. And I thought we were done. But no, since that coffee meeting, I’ve probably gotten a text from him every month. Since then,
Chris Seiter 22:46
try it again. Try it again. Try it again.
And the last one amazing, I posted my most recent one on your page. That’s what
Chris Seiter 22:54
what prompted my wife to get to get the interview to get
on the group page. But the one right before that, you know, he had reached out to me about some pictures, he saw that I posted and said You look great and all of this and I was like Okay, thank you. But so he posted he sent me a text he was he was on vacation in Costa Rica with his new girlfriend. And, and some other friends too. But I was like, how can you text me from your vacation? With your new girlfriend, your new girlfriend, you’re texting me? And it wasn’t anything? I guess overtly flirtatious. But it was, you know, I was talking to his friend there who lives there about you. And just wanted to say hi, you know that I was thinking about you? And I said, Oh, that’s great. I’m glad you to her. Okay. Now, you know, or because they had a little tiff going when I had known him before. And it was just I don’t know, it’s just weird to me. I’m like, seriously still. So I don’t know. I don’t I I feel for this other girl.
Chris Seiter 24:01
That she’s kind of getting the short end of the stick. He’s not fully in.
Right. And they’re even building a house together. I saw I saw on Facebook. So yeah, I don’t I don’t I think maybe even the next time. I’m just going to say, you know, I think you should concentrate on your relationship. And, you know,
Chris Seiter 24:23
probably for the best. I mean, yeah, yeah, sorry. Sorry. No, I think in a weird way, you’re just kind of getting a glimpse of what life would have been like if you had gotten back? Absolutely. It’s kind of alarming to see that he’s hitting up with the girls while he’s really heavily invested into this new person.
And I want to ask him that almost. I want to say, you know, were you doing this when we were dating three months because that’s not cool. You know?
Chris Seiter 24:55
What is I’ve been doing this for 10 years. So I’ve been able to To study breakups and relationships, and specifically post breakup behavior, and specifically, when someone moves on to someone else, and enters into this really tense relationship with them, or intense relationship with them, how often they end up coming back to the x. And you know, I’ll never forget my wife, right? When we got married. One of her co workers who was married, started messaging her on Facebook Messenger to try to ask her out on a date. And she’s like, aren’t you married? So it’s, it’s really indicative of this concept that I talk a lot about, which is that investment aspect, you know, like, sometimes if you’ve invested a lot into a relationship, even if you’re unhappy with it, you can’t bring yourself to leave it. And so you mentioned that they’re building a house together. I’m wondering if that, you know, obviously, that requires a certain amount of financial investment. And that kind of gets him sticking. But he’s he, I mean, people who are happy don’t typically reach out to the Rex is found, you know, and he is a lot every month. That’s right. So in a weird way, you you kind of dodged a bullet, and looks like you got the guy that’s treating you correctly. How’s that going?
It’s going good.
Chris Seiter 26:32
We kind of skipped over that part. How did you how did you get the guy
I finally got the guy again, just by being patient. And Og, I think he was in a place where he wasn’t ready to commit for all for probably about six months. And at that time, he probably wouldn’t have committed either. Had we not had a kind of enlightened, enlightening event happen. And I say that the universe was kind of working in my favor, even though at the time it didn’t feel like it. You know, I was on probably on Facebook and hit a button I shouldn’t have because I was, you know, one of those that scrolls on Facebook on my phone a lot. And so I got a text from him one day, and he said, question, and I said, Yes. And again, this is when we weren’t talking every day. And I said yes. And he said, one of my Facebook friends says You sent her a friend request. And I said, I did. I said, I don’t know who that is. And he gave me her name. And I was like, I don’t know who she is. So then I went on my Facebook on my computer to see you know, what friend requests I had sent. And then there it was. And I was like, Oh, I didn’t mean to do that. I said, I really didn’t mean to do that. I said she must have come up in my suggested friends as I was scrolling and I accidentally hit the button or whatever. I don’t know, I still don’t know. To this day, I really think it was the universe intervening, intervening on my behalf or our behalf. Because then this girl started to message me. And I was and I had texted him that I said, Oh, great. Now she’s reaching out to me. And he’s she Do
Chris Seiter 28:18
you know who this girl is to him? Like,
No, I didn’t know anything at all. Like I said, he was he was one of those guys who probably added 3040 Girls a month. So I had no idea who she was. And out of out of 1000s of Facebook friends. This is the one that I you know, hit the button on right? wishes he has like over 1000 or 2000 Facebook friends. So right away, I tell him this that she’s messaging me, I go, Oh, great. Now she’s messaging me. And he knows right away. I went on a date with her a few weeks ago. And I was like, really? And he was like, Yes, just one date. And I said, why? And he said, because of not knowing what I want. And he had expressed that to me, or, you know, before. He was honest with me about where he was. And I said, Well, I and I told him, I said, Well, I’m really upset right now. I don’t know if I can talk about this right now. I said, but if you are still searching, and you don’t know what you want, then it’s obviously not me. And that’s okay. And then I went, I said, you know, we just need some space right now. And he agreed, and then we had no contact.
Chris Seiter 29:37
So essentially, what you did is you did almost like a breakup with him.
Right? Right. So I had so I decided we needed no contact for a while to think about things and where things were and for me to get my head on straight. I knew I still wanted to be with him. Even though this happened because, again, we weren’t in a committed relationship. He was very upfront with me about where he was. I knew still, I still wanted to be with him. But I knew I couldn’t continue on this path of not knowing anymore. You know what I mean? So we did, we went on this no contact for a couple of weeks. And then I after two weeks, I just sent all the while he was still liking things on my Facebook page, by the way. And I was not responding. And, and he did ask me a question. And one of my Facebook posts, like, how did you do it was golfing? And I said, fine. And then that was it, you know, so I wasn’t, I wasn’t kind of feeding into all of it, I was still trying to stay kind of low key about everything. And then after two weeks, I had texted him, you know, just checking to see how you’re doing. And that was all he needed to say, Hey, I’m doing great. You know, I saw your project you’re working on on Facebook? Um, can I give you it? Can we talk about it? Can I help you with it? And I was like, I mean, I guess Sure. If you want to help me with it, that’d be great. Because Okay, how about if we meet after work? It was like, the next day after work you wanted to meet? And talk about this project? And then we did. And then we talked, we had a really good talk about. I mean, we’re probably saw each other for three hours talking about, okay, what are we doing? Are we going to try this? Are we going to move forward with this? So, um, you know, it worked. It worked out for the moment, you know? Yeah. So,
Chris Seiter 31:38
do you do? Like, how did the actual relationship ask go down? Was it him than initiative? Was it you that initiated,
um, he was initiating when he was talking about his feelings about everything he had told me that he had missed me. And he had told me and I didn’t, in my wildest dreams, never thought I’d hear that he missed me. Even though I knew he did. I knew he, he missed me, but I didn’t think I would hear it from him. And, and that he was sorry about everything. And that, you know, he didn’t want to not have me in his life. So I was really again, not putting my foot down looking for a, Hey, are we going to be committed then kind of conversation? What I did is I just accepted what he had to say. And then I also said to him, you know, I have to apologize to you told me that you weren’t ready for something. And, you know, so it was upsetting to me to find out that you had went on a date, but I really had no right to, you know, I guess be upset about that. So I was really under a lot of emotional control, which is programmed taught me, you know, and, and when you’re when you really want to be with somebody who’s in that position, you know, a fearful avoidant, who’s afraid to kind of put their heart back out there, because of their past. I guess you have to be prepared for all of that. So. Um, so then it wasn’t until maybe three days later, or four days later, when we saw each other that he wanted, he was kind of pushing for intimacy. And I was like, Yeah, I don’t know, I’m not going to do that. Because I don’t know where you are. And I don’t, I’m not going to do that with someone until I know that they’re, I’m the only one suing perfect.
Chris Seiter 33:36
How do you respond to that? Did he commit to that?
Yeah. And then he knew he was like, you have all of my attention. I am not going to be dating anyone else. I’m not going to be pursuing anyone else. And I was like, great. Now we have now we’ve got something so good. So that was a long road. You know, that was? I met him in late February. And that was that was August. You know,
Chris Seiter 34:01
you mentioned he had gone through a divorce was that a relatively recent divorce?
Um, he had been officially divorced for about a year was broken. I mean, separated for probably three years prior.
Chris Seiter 34:16
Okay, so things were not going well between those two, but I’m sure that creates some sort of like wound or scar. Oh, yeah.
And I think honestly, I think guys are more scarred than women. When it comes to broken relationships.
Chris Seiter 34:29
Statistically, you’re correct, actually, that one of the big differences between men and women after breakups is women tend to struggle with it more initially, but over the long run, they tend to get over it more fully. Whereas men tend to not struggle as much initially, but they really have a hard time getting over it in the long run. So statistically, you’re correct.
That’s been my experience anyway. But yeah, Fast Forward August to today, we still went through some some things but met his family more involved in each other’s lives. Now we talk to each other every day. You know, but we had another bump in the road, maybe, you know, six months at well, and that’s six months, maybe five months after that, where I had to talk to him about Facebook, you know, like opening up his stop
Chris Seiter 35:25
adding these people.
Yeah, stop. I don’t want to see any more. I mean, I couldn’t see the people because he had closed off his friends list after that happened. I think he didn’t want things to happen. You know, me to hit on suggested friend requests, and you know, any of that happening, any other women may be seeing me or seeing that He’s liking my stuff or whatever. So I had to have that talk with them. You know, like, okay, it’s been six months, like, when? When are you going to open up your friends list and open up your Facebook to me, I said, I could see people who like your, your posts, and who are they like, Who is this girl? Page and said, like, Who is she? Like, do you want to date her? Like, who is she? Do you want to date her? And he was just like, looking at me dumbfounded because I didn’t think they meant anything to him. I honestly didn’t. I almost feel like it was just like a buffer between really committing and committing, you know? Yeah. And right away. He was like, I don’t I don’t know. I guess he said I, okay, I need to clean up my Facebook. I apologize. I’ll open up my Facebook page. I didn’t realize it was still closed. I it didn’t really didn’t think about it. And I said, well, it bothers me. And this bothers me. And so when I left his house, which was funny, I just left his house and he was texting me when I was still in his driveway. Are we okay? And I’m like, Yeah, we’re fine. We’re fine. He says, Well, this means a lot to me, You mean a lot to me. So I’m gonna go ahead and do all of these things. And he did. And he has, and nothing’s in, Everything’s been great since that point on.
Chris Seiter 37:03
Well, that’s what they actually recommend the when it comes to relationships is bringing a problem to the forefront as opposed to letting it fester. So if you sense a worry, or something, maybe within reason, some people I know will go overboard with that. But I think he did the exact right thing, which is like that was bothering you, you bring it to the forefront, allow him to address it. And he did. And now you’re good.
And I had honestly, it had been bothering me for a while. But again, I was just like, You know what, I’m gonna let him handle this. If he wants to be with me, then he needs to handle this. I don’t even know that I want to bring it up. Because I don’t want to look like the insecure, you know, girlfriend who’s now like, looking at everything he’s doing on Facebook. But um, I guess at that point, I was just like, done, like, I was like, okay, and my friend had just gone through a similar issue with her boyfriend, they went up and down and, you know, broke up and got back together over this whole thing. And I just said, You know what, I’m a little tense about this given my girlfriend’s situation. So maybe that’s making me a little ultra sensitive about this, but it’s bothering me. And then it was like, no problem. I will delete, and he went through and deleted a ton of women. Right? And, and open his friends list to me. And it’s been like I said, since then, that it’s been great. And I think we’ve been talking about a lot of things together since then. So it kind of opened the door to more intimacy like emotional intimacy, and a better relationship.
Chris Seiter 38:37
It meanwhile, the ex is still texting me every month, like clockwork.
Yeah. And I, you know, I don’t feel. I mean, I feel bad for the other woman. I really do feel like next text, I have to say something. Yeah, I don’t feel like I’m being disrespectful to my boyfriend now. Because I know how I feel about it. It’s not anything to worry anybody over or to even mention, you know what I mean? Yeah. If he asked, it would certainly tell him but he’s just he’s not an insecure guy about that at all. So yeah, I think that’s what I have to do about that. But it made me laugh because I’m like, this program really does work and and they will come back if you just start improving yourself and showing that you’re okay. I think that’s that’s what they need to see is like, Oh, she’s okay. She must be very stable. And I think in this, this dating world where there are tons of unstable people, unfortunately, and people who haven’t healed from past hurts, whether they’re relationships or childhood or whatever. You know, that’s like the gold. That’s like a gold standard out there to have your shit together. I’m sorry. I can’t swear.
Chris Seiter 39:54
I think we’ll be okay
to have your you know your life together. tend to be well put together and in charge of yourself. That’s, that’s Ultra attractive. because not a lot of people are there. So that’s where this, this program really helps whether you get the ex back or not. Because you might not want to back like I didn’t, this program really causes you to look at your own life and take inventory and make yourself better make yourself into that, that ug, you know, a person and and so if you don’t get that guy back, who cares? Look, you’ll get something better. You know,
Chris Seiter 40:39
I think that’s sort of the long pole in the tent. Most people don’t realize, most people come and they think they want their ex back. But I don’t think that’s what they really want. They want a really healthy, happy relationship. Like, like you found. And the weird, roundabout way of getting that is oftentimes you have to be willing to let the X go. And then that’s when things start happening for you. And I think you kind of are a perfect example of that. You know, like, I’m sure you you go to the outset of the breakup. You’re sitting there thinking, There’s no way he’s blocked me he’ll even contact there’s no way he’ll ever want me back. Now fast forward a year, you’ve moved on. All of a sudden, what’s happening, he’s starting to reach out even when he’s supposedly in a very committed relationship with someone else, which I think says more about him than anything else. But if you want my ultimate opinion, I think like, you’re just getting a glimpse of what probably life would have been like, had you gotten back with that person.
I feel like I dodged a bullet for sure.
Chris Seiter 41:48
Yeah. And there’s, I was reading a study yesterday about people, scientists, they’ve been looking at the effects of getting back with an axe and have found often that not necessarily getting back with an axe in general. But getting back with an axe, where there’s an on again, off again, type situation going on, they found that that tends to make people not only more anxious, but more depressed. And it’s a huge problem that, that I’ve found with helping people get their exes back, because a lot of times they break up again. And as this leaves the person to even to a darker, deeper depression. So a lot of times, maybe a couple of years ago, I started switching to like, Hey, I think the important thing here is to let go of your ex because not only does it help you get them back, but you might find, you know, the happy ending that you stumbled across. Right. So completely. So you obviously kind of just slayed your life and got pretty much everything you wanted. Do you have any extra things that you feel like we’re really helpful and important for you during the during the breakup process?
You know, like I said, I just kept busy, I made new friendships, new girlfriends started, you know, concentrating on that my girlfriend started concentrating on my, my life, my work, my you know, extracurricular activities, things that I’ve always wanted to do that I never did before. So I learned how to, to go shooting, shooting a rifle. I’m actually starting my first competition this Sunday. So good luck. I’m excited about that. I know, that’s kind of controversial for some people, but just target shooting. I
Chris Seiter 43:51
grew up in Texas, you know, everyone hasn’t gotten there. So yeah,
it’s just it was just, it’s just a fun competition to hit targets and, and some I’m challenging myself that way but, and did some art classes, took some music courses, I mean, just stuff like that. Like, I feel like I’m a more well rounded person. I don’t mention my kids, but I was able to delve into their lives a little bit more to and not worry about outcomes so much, you know, and I’m showing them what you can do, you know, it’s like you’re at the end of your relationship, you don’t have to fall apart, you know, when you can right,
Chris Seiter 44:32
start new setting the right example. Right.
So, um, I think all of those things were, you know, and, and reading as much as you can about it, you know, learning how to do those, and learning how to respond when your emotional control is running, you know, running low and knowing that you’re going to have that issue and what you should do when you when you feel it coming up. Um, I mean, that was huge for me, for me to be I am not a patient person at all. I want things to happen now I want my life to happen. Now. That’s been my entire life. And then this happened. And then meeting this fearful avoidant man who I knew I was, I wanted to be in a relationship with having to force myself to be patient. And to you know, my needs are going to take a backseat for a minute. I mean, they really didn’t, my needs in a relationship, maybe took a backseat. But then my other needs got said, No, while I was waiting, waiting for that to happen, and concentrating on just being that fun, well rounded individual, so that the other person had those experiences with me, my new boyfriend, had those fun experiences with me and didn’t want me to go, didn’t want me to leave it because he didn’t feel like I was reliant on him for everything. But knew that when we were together, we just had this awesome time and connection together. I love that.
Chris Seiter 46:06
Yeah, you know, thank you so much for coming on and doing this.
Yeah. Thank you for the program. I’m so glad that I found it. Really, I still need to, even though I’m in this great relationship, I still follow the program. I still, you know, when he gets busy, like I haven’t seen him all week, we still talk every day, but I still manage to find things to do where I’m not, you know, reliant on that. And even tonight, it was like we were, he was saying I have so much to do to get ready for, you know, work that he has to do on Saturday. And I said, Well, you know what, it’s Don’t be pressured and don’t feel pressured. We don’t have to see each other. You know, Friday night, you can do what you need to do and I’ll do what I need to do and I’ll just catch up with you Saturday night. That was all you needed to hear to maybe Calm, calm himself down and say no, I want to see you on Friday. So we’re going to make it work. I love you when you pull back, they move forward. You know what I mean? Yeah,
Chris Seiter 47:04
that’s what we always say when they pull back you pull back and that’s kind of If you abide by that you tend to get the positive results. Right. But again, thank you so much for doing this awesome name. Chris. The two pieces having a super cool conversation. We haven’t met a crispy haven’t liked yet. Right? Exactly right.
There. Thank you, Chris. I really appreciate it. Thanks for what you do. No problem.