Today we have another success story hitting the presses. I’d like to introduce you to Stacia!

She has one of the more interesting situations I’ve encountered.

Her ex literally ghosted her and when I say ghosted I’m not doing it with “air quotes.” I mean, he straight up ghosted her out of the blue with no explanation for two months.

Here’s some of the things we touched on in this interview,

• Stacia’s story (from start to finish)
• How she got back on speaking terms with her ex
• The one thing she did to get through the contentious time
• Our shared love of running
• Dealing with death during a breakup
• What it was like when he was away from her
• What she believe is the key to her success

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Interview Transcript

Chris Seiter 00:02
All right. Well, today we have another success story with someone with perhaps the most unique name imaginable. This is Stacia, which is kind of a mix between Stacey and Alicia put together. But yeah, she’s got one of the more interesting success stories. I kind of don’t know much other than a few briefing points that I’ve been given. So I’m just going to be exploring as you’re listening. But thank you so much for coming on. And doing this. Stacia.

Stacia 00:32
Absolutely. Thank you for having me.

Chris Seiter 00:35
All right. Let’s go back to the Dark Ages. Let’s let’s let’s go back to the sad stuff. Can you take me back to before you found the program before you entered into the community breakup? Just catch me up to it. Your floor is yours.

Stacia 00:51
Okay. Um, I had had our son,

Chris Seiter 00:56
July of 2020. Obviously, that was just a horrible time anyway. Um, because I was like, in the midst of it, too.

Stacia 01:03
It was it just was one of those like,

Chris Seiter 01:06
so you gave birth at the hospital during the day, they make you wear a mask? Because my wife was not wearing a mask. She was in a lot of pain when

Stacia 01:16
it didn’t make me but I had friends at other hospitals that did and I

Chris Seiter 01:20
was terrified. Yes, well, you made it through. I did. And unfortunately, we’re about to hit with something even worse.

Stacia 01:30
He was there through the birth. He took a new job that started like, right, as soon as the school year started, so we were both like in education. And the new job didn’t really pan out, well, he’s a coach, so they let him go. before the school year was even halfway done, he knew that he was gonna have to look for a new job. And so he kind of went down depressive hole. There was no pulling him back in new dad and just lost a job. And he just kind of shut down. He disappeared, changed his number. I didn’t hear from him for two months until I was served with custody paperwork for our son at my friend door.

Chris Seiter 02:12
And were you guys married? engaged at the time? So? Yes, yes. So you’re engaged but not officially married yet? Right? Do you kind of think, like, okay, new. So, you mentioned you have other children as well? Or at least off camera? Were they all his? Or was it just this one?

Stacia 02:37
No, man, two daughters was my ex husband, and it was his

Chris Seiter 02:42
first child. So we have a first child for new time dad, which is pretty scary. I can attest to that. And then getting laid off all happening at once, not to mention during COVID and everything. And you think that’s like you kind of skipped over what I feel like it’s an important thing. So he just leaves no explanation. Did he block you? Did you did you try to reach out to try to figure out what the heck is going on?

Stacia 03:09
I did. It was May 22. I only remember that because it was my grandmother’s birthday. And I was waiting for him to come celebrate with us. And he said that he was on his way. And I never heard from him again for two months. He shut down his number obviously tried reaching out but his phone number was gone. And he was not at the address that he had, you know previously live because he had moved into like a rental for the new job that he had taken that I did not know about. So he’s off the grid. Completely Mia, he did not have social media, any sort of contact at all.

Chris Seiter 03:48
Okay, this this is a good story. We don’t really get we don’t really get like a successor that comes on that as this far. Like, I don’t know if blocked is the correct word to say it was like cut out and like ghosted to the extreme. Had did this happen before the birth of the child her

Stacia 04:12
after, after our son was almost one. Okay.

Chris Seiter 04:17
So he had been a new dad for almost like 1112 months. Yes. So that 1112 month period was were there any like signs leading up to this at all? Did you notice anything?

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Stacia 04:34
Yes. He was obviously avoidant, and he would pull away. He started staying with his parents, because where they lived was much closer to his work like 10 minutes as opposed to 45 and they’re much they’re much older and in really bad health. I mean, they’ve only given us dad like another two months possibly to live so it’s been hard with that situation going on to on top of everything else. I Um, that he started staying over there. And I would notice that he would cut his phone off as soon as you would get back from either, you know, practice or work or whatever it was. And he would not answer were call me back until the next morning. And I could just tell he was pulling back. He didn’t seem as interested in coming around and seeing the baby. Even had convinced himself that there was a possibility that it wasn’t his child and had served me with like DNA paperwork to later when we find

Chris Seiter 05:32
out the first time I’ve heard that one. Unfortunately, I have heard that one before.

Stacia 05:37
Yes, it was it was mortifying, because I mean, I’ve never stepped out of our relationship. So understand his whatever was going on in his head at the time, probably chemically imbalanced. But yeah, he he just went off the grid, and did not I did not hear a word from him until I had paperwork on my front door, stating that he wanted to go to court for a DNA test and custody pending the DNA test.

Chris Seiter 06:06
Geez, it’s always really difficult when you hear stuff like this, because, you know, the the innocent, that’s getting hurt is really the kid. Fortunately, I mean, 11 months old, you’re not going to really remember too much of that rocky time in the life. Okay, so he serves you these papers. He doesn’t think the kid is is he wants to go to the DNA test court thing? What is your next step? Do you go to a lawyer do you like? Or do you just go to Google and fix something? I don’t know.

Stacia 06:43
I did have an attorney for my, for my divorce for my ex husband. So I just went to him. He was all I knew. And I handed him the paperwork. And he was like, Okay, I mean, he was just as in shock as everyone else was. And he got in touch with his attorney. But there was still no getting in touch with my eggs. There was like, still this gap there. And even with the DNA tests, like I could not get in touch with him to schedule it. And of course, I would email my attorney and he would email back like, this is something y’all need to get together about. And I was like, Well, I can’t get in touch with him. So can you ask his attorney to please let him know that you need do

Chris Seiter 07:24
number? You didn’t even have like an email or anything like that? No, I did not. Who doesn’t have an email nowadays, he had

Stacia 07:34
stopped using his previous like, went from like Gmail to Outlook or something like that. changed it so that I can get in touch with an old account that he wasn’t checking it. That I know of?

Chris Seiter 07:46
Yeah. So very hardcore, dismissive, avoidant tendencies here. All right. So your lawyer basically helps in that weird regard to get in touch? I’m assuming?

Stacia 08:02
Yes. And no, I love my attorney. But he was just kind of more like, he’s very much a dad, too. And he didn’t understand the situation. He was like, but he’s the one that wanted this. So why is he being difficult to work with? And he just, he took like, those two months off to just disappear, and I guess, find himself or whatever it was, or hit rock bottom, whatever he went through during that time.

Chris Seiter 08:27
So does he eventually reach back out to you? He

Stacia 08:30
does, um, only because I had a friend who was she was crazy. They called the new school that they found he was at and pretended to have a son that was interested in football. And he called her back on his personal cell. So I called his cell and reached out, and I guess I probably shouldn’t have done that and let him come to me. But that kind of got the ball rolling. And I just kept it very nonchalant. Like, hey, you know, we need to get together over this DNA test and our court, you know, you’ve served me papers, so we need to figure this out.

Chris Seiter 09:07
You did. You did need to figure that out. Like legitimately, you’re in a lot different of a situation than the average person who’s just trying to like get their ex back. You know, you haven’t. You were engaged. You’re sharing a child together. He’s not talking to you. He just serves you papers, your lawyers doesn’t seem to be able to get them on the phone for you. It seems just incredibly difficult. And what you’re saying is you had to have the trusty old friend go undercover for you to cultivate the phone number and then you you basically just call it out of the blue.

Stacia 09:43
I did, I was at work and I I blocked my number. He knew it by heart, so I knew he wouldn’t pick up and he answered, and as soon as he heard my voice, he was like, oh, no, but he was like, I was gonna call you sooner or later. Okay, well and easily sooner because we’ve got to get this ball rolling. We’ve got to figure out something for our child.

Chris Seiter 10:06
Okay, so I’m assuming he responds kind of okay to that that phone call before things. Like, what happens next? Are you do you eventually get back on speaking terms with him? Or is there is a little slow going?

Stacia 10:22
It was a slow roll at first it was very, you know, textbook like, this is what we need to do for our son. And then, of course, some of those phone calls, he would just hang on a little bit longer and ask a few more questions and get a little more personal, just to kind of feel for where I was. He did admit later to stalking my Instagram during that time, even though he did not have an Instagram. Oh, yes.

Chris Seiter 10:49
So everyone listening who doesn’t believe me? When I say exes stock when they don’t have social media. Stacia is helping us here.

Stacia 10:57
Yes, I hate and he has none. None at all. And I made it public like you had recommended. And I said, okay, like, I’ll try it. And sure enough, he didn’t tell me that and probably till three months ago. And so I had no idea. But he had gone and looked on and seen some fun that I was having met summer with friends smiling, laughing. And so he started getting curious and questioning what I was up to.

Chris Seiter 11:24
I love that. Right. So at some point, when you guys are kind of getting back on speaking terms, it becomes less about the court date and more maybe more generalized record building? And is that is it at that point where you start thinking, I want to repair this, I don’t want to go to court and kind of Yeah, have a break?

Stacia 11:46
I did. And he felt the same. But you know, with the ball rolling, and we went ahead through with the DNA test. And of course, no surprise, it was his child. And once he saw that,

Chris Seiter 11:58
like an episode of Jerry Springer, or something, you know, like, You are the father.

Stacia 12:06
That’s what I said the whole time. But, you know, we kind of laugh about it and laughed about it, then too, I was like, I mean, if this helps with your, you know, peace of mind.

Chris Seiter 12:16
You’re an amazing woman, I’ll tell you that, because most women are not going to be thinking that he’s so mad. You know,

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Stacia 12:24
it was but I tried to handle it, because I had already found the group at this point. So I tried to handle it a little bit better. And like, I found the group, right after the paperwork was served, really, I think it was the next morning and I was just at rock bottom. And I was online looking for, you know, what do I do? How do I fix this, and I found your program. And I got on it. And I was like, okay, like, this sounds like it could be for me. And I started saying, you know, you say like, build on your Trinity and work on yourself. And I’d already consider going back to school for my doctorate. But like that was kind of my sign. And I just contacted my university and got started. And now I’m halfway through that. So I’m really proud of myself on that. We’re talking

Chris Seiter 13:14
to a doctor here in a couple of years. Actually, I know a little bit about that my brother, he’s about to get his doctorate history or something. But I told him when he’s a doctor, I’m gonna come to his class and just heckle him. Of course, I’ll get thrown out of the university when I do it. But

Stacia 13:35
evidently, I’m I went back for psychology, my Bachelor’s, I started at Auburn, working towards a psychology degree. And then I went for my master’s in early childhood Elementary Ed. Just because I was my ex husband was Army and it was a fast course like an 11 month program. And I love children. I love working with children that have always just felt really strongly compelled to go back for psychology. And I’ve been debating for about six, seven years, whether or not I should just go for it. And I mean, once I was right there starting the program and saying, you know, I was like, I’ve just got to go for it. And it’s um, yeah,

Chris Seiter 14:21
well, I think I think that’s probably the most amazing part because not only are you going through this really contentious time, but you actually do the one thing so like most people when they go through the contentious time they get really consumed by it. Like that’s all they think about. I’m sure you had your bouts of that. But you also had an a foresight to be like, You know what, I’m going to invest in myself. How, how do you do that? What’s your secret?

Stacia 14:49
I had a lot of crass of I think I hit rock bottom. I cried for maybe three or four days. And then I just woke up one day kind of angry and ready to just get my life fit together and do all of the things. We had actually always planned on taking a trip down Route 66. So I got my best friend and my kids and I loaded up my car and we went down Route 66. And it was just one of those, like, spur of the moment, I started in Chicago, and I drove through the night, just went, yeah. I wanted to just do all the things and I was like, I might as well, you know, I’ll everything that I’ve wanted to do I need to stop putting off and just go for it.

Chris Seiter 15:31
Well, also, I think, weirdly enough, just looking at your situation, what I feel like helped you the most was the fact that you couldn’t contact him. So you almost had no choice but to do the things that you know, the Trinity work that I always talk about, that everyone in the group always talks about. You just kind of did it because you didn’t have the opportunity to being like, oh, let’s break no contact? No, like, what’s he up to? You wanted to but you had no way of getting in touch. You had to have a friend basically pretend, you know. So. Yeah. So that’s, that’s kind of amazing. And I feel like that maybe your superpower that you’re able to overcome that through the action of just sort of investing in yourself and investing in your own mental health? And I’m sure it didn’t feel like it was an overnight, like, Oh, I’m fixed, like I feel better. Now. Can you talk a little bit about your process and how your thoughts are during that time, and like how long it took for you to feel like you were kind of leveled out.

Stacia 16:33
Overall, I would say about three months to level myself back to just kind of being mentally stable, I would have my highs and you know, that was when I went with my children and had the best time and we really had a great time. And of course, we took all the photos and I would, you know, hang out with more friends and you know, spend time with those that I had neglected, you know, while I was dating, and it was just a process of finding me again, and learning who I was before the relationship and kind of falling in love with myself again, instead of putting everything that’s my self worth in someone else. And that’s when honestly when kind of the the shift changed. And I felt like I was back in control of my life. And he kind of saw that and he started like, you know, getting interested and coming back around. But it did it. I had nights of just absolute crabfest I felt like I was you know, at rock bottom. Of course, I was seeing a therapist two times a week. And I would have you know, moments of elation. And then I would just have times where I threw myself in studies or exercise. I’m a runner. So I love to run. And I just go for a long run.

Chris Seiter 17:52
Oh, what’s your what’s your longest run you’ve ever done?

Stacia 17:57
I’ve done a half marathon. Nice, nice. Night.

Chris Seiter 18:04
You know, it’s hard because actually, the kids make it hard. You know, it has to be there for the kids and training for that marathon takes hours. From experience. That’s how I screwed up my knee and had to get a knee surgery training for a marathon. Really? Yeah, I was running like 10 miles a day. And I had like a hole in my cartilage and it just kept getting worse and worse. I’m like, hey, my knee kind of hurts. Oh, well, I’ll just keep running on it. So then I went in, they said I had the knee of an 84 year old. And I said, I said there’s no way I have any of an 84 year old and then you’re like okay, well, we need to come back after you get your MRI or something because they have like the X ray. And I remember going back in and there was like literally this like nine year old guy. And my knee was seized up and he outpaced me in the walk too. So I was like, well, maybe I do have the knee of an 84 year old. Sorry, I don’t need to make this about me. Sorry. I just geek out over running. Oh, I

Stacia 19:01
didn’t do before I had my son. It was one of those like I could give that time because my girls would either run beside me I did a lot of Treadmill work just because I was at home single mom, Swift. Do it.

Chris Seiter 19:16
Do you have Swift? No. Is that like an app or something? Okay, so this interview we’re way off course but indulge us listeners. Okay, so swift, it’s like for people who want to ride on a bike trainer or on a treadmill. You can get a special treadmill and it will connect up to this app. And the app is like a social media network where you can run in like volcanoes and stuff. It’s like it’s like a very immersive experience. So it’s a lot easier to run inside on the treadmill versus just like it’s kind of like a peloton but on steroids, I guess where you can kind of like go into this world, or I think I did a bike ride the other day in France. It simulates the incline. So if you’re going up like a hill, it simulates the, what do they call it the gradient of the of the rise? So it does that too with treadmills. That’s worth looking into for you.

Stacia 20:13
Yes, I guess I would get on the abs like I have Strava and a few others and see if they cool. And I could never find anything. But

Chris Seiter 20:21
if you do Swift, it will automatically upload your workout to Strava and Nike Run or some of the other things. I just use Swift to keep track and I have like an apple. Okay. Anyway, so at some point your ex comes back. Can you like, explain how that occurred?

Stacia 20:40
Well, it started with like meeting up for the DNA test. And obviously having to discuss court, we did end up just kind of talking and he would come over a few times. He is not a texter, I tried the whole tech space. He is a good decade older than I am. And he is not from the social media text generation. He was like if I had to text it was pushing the number five, like seven times just to get one letter. So he does not do all that mess. So he was like, I’m a caller. And so I had to come to learn how to do the phone calls and get off the phone first and, you know, not be such a distraction, because I’m one that I can sit on the phone for hours and just talk about anything. But I had to you know, keep up and work on my Trinity. And if that seemed busy, he got more curious. And he was like, Where are you going? I was like, oh, you know, I’ve just got plans, and I gotta go. And I would just try to be nonchalant about it. Which I mean, I feel like helped a lot. Then he became a coach at a new school. And the coaches obviously wanted to meet his son. And I brought him around for some of the coach days. And of course, they were like, hey, you know what’s going on with y’all like, she seems nice. And of course, he started like, Well, yeah, and kind of read guessing everything and wanting me at more events. And the more we I guess, acted like a family, the more it felt like when. And then our court date was honestly the most hilarious because I had my mom with me, and he had his mom with him. And we were all sitting together and laughing the whole time about other cases that were going on. And we were talking about it and just having a good time. And it was just like, my mom and his mom looked at each other and said, Why? Why is this not working? Are

Chris Seiter 22:33
we here? Exactly. So sometimes you need the parents to come in and solve the problem.

Stacia 22:44
And that’s what that’s when I felt like it shifted. I feel like things just kind of changed. For one, the custody agreement was totally, it did not work for him because he wanted every other weekend. Well, he’s a coach, and he’s got football on Friday nights and trainings on Sundays. And so became where I would have to meet up with him just to let him have our son for a few hours or one night and then get him back real quick. And so there was a lot more seeing each other through that. And I think when he realized how willing I was to just work with him, and you know, not make a big deal out of it. He he he saw like, okay, like this is something that she’s not out to get me she’s not this horrible person. He used to find me was scared of me. And

Chris Seiter 23:31
so how does the actual conversation go? Where you’re like, hey, let’s just let’s just go back to the way things were before I actually initiated that was that him? Was it you?

Stacia 23:45
It was me I kind of just said, Hey, let’s let’s just start right back at the beginning, like let’s just go back to the way it was which we we were best friend’s first we did not date or anything for the first several months that we knew each other, we would just hang out, we weren’t together. And so we were just talking, you know, the job and have conversations in the hallway. And then it just kind of got to where he was calling and, you know, sending random text messages. So we just went back to that. And it was dating again. And we made plans to just date and made it a point to call each other on the phone at least once a day for you know, 30 minutes or so as much as we could. But time is obviously very hard to manage. So it was difficult to find that time which was usually on our drive to work in the mornings was the best time.

Chris Seiter 24:42
So do things unfold more when when you kind of like are you guys living together now? How does how’s that situation unfolded? So

Stacia 24:53
he he works about an hour and a half away, and I work 30 minutes this way So if we move to one city or the other, we will be two hours apart. So he stays here on weekends. And he tries to make it like if it’s spring break or whatever holiday he’ll try to say more. But He’s also getting a lot of time to his parents because he’s the only sibling that cares for them. And so it’s been a hard divide, really trying to you know, do that sandwich generation thing where you got older parents and then a young child and you’ve got both

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Chris Seiter 25:33
Yeah, pulled between but in a way the if he’s like, me, he is probably a dismissive avoidant, like, really hardcore, dismissive, avoidant, this kind of an outcome might be best for him, you know, to where he doesn’t get overwhelmed. And also, I mean, if, if his if one of his parents is in the process of passing away, and it’s kind of a long drawn out process that can be really difficult to deal with emotionally and everything. So seems like it’s it’s working pretty well for you. How long have you guys been? Have you yet? Like had the official talk talk yet? Or?

Stacia 26:11
So he did re propose? I see it was

Chris Seiter 26:16
okay. So you got the ring on your finger again? Yes. There it is.

Stacia 26:21
He I think it was February, it might have been March. But he officially proposed again. And it was just one of those things like we’ve never, we’ve never dated. We didn’t date other people during the time that we were apart. But we just needed that break from each other. And we’ve known that it was us the whole time. We just needed to rediscover it. So it’s but it’s been good, because I feel like it happened right at the time it needed to because he found out the news about his dad, and he really needs that support system too. So I’ve been able to help a lot. Yeah.

Chris Seiter 27:03
Did you end up after you got him back? And you got you got your nice little ring? Did you end up like asking him at all? What was going on in his head during that time? Why he kind of like ghosted you the way he did? What I’m curious to see what his explanation was. Yes.

Stacia 27:21
So when he left, I was dealing with severe postpartum depression. And he didn’t know what that was. And so there was a night that he like, came over and like the middle of the night, and I’m, you know, in nursing, and I’m barely getting sleep, and I was just angry. And so it just kind of got screaming ish. And he just ran out. And it was like, he became fearful of coming around. Even though like several, you know, other dads were like, you’ve got to understand, like, when women are going through these postpartum hormones, like they are different person, and he did not,

Chris Seiter 28:04
there are a lot. My wife and I, we have a theory. So she got postpartum depression with our first and then with our second not so much. So at first, we were like this really tiny apartment. And the hospital scares you. They make you sign all these papers that like if you sleep in bed with the baby, the baby could die, basically, you know, sudden infant death syndrome. And we were so terrified. So we took turns and everything and she got like, neither of us got any sleep, but she got very little sleep. And we think the lack of sleep really contributed to that postpartum depression versus with the second time around, we kind of had our shit together, so to speak. So she got more sleep and didn’t really have much postpartum depression, but also with the first one, she wasn’t able to breastfeed. I don’t think our our first daughter never learned to suck, she would just bite. And so with the second one, she still bites, but she learned to suck a little bit better. So the milk came in. And that was way better because she could just like nurse her to sleep and then boom, everyone’s out. And she also wasn’t afraid to co sleep with the with the baby. So that helped a ton. But I’m kind of curious. Were you were you having any issues with like, breastfeeding, sleep deprivation? Do you think that kind of contributed to the postpartum depression?

Stacia 29:28
I did. I was severely sleep deprived. I was the only one you know, caring for

Chris Seiter 29:34
him. But once you have your other kids to write

Stacia 29:37
shakily, and they were in grade school and needing homework done and you know everything, so it was it was a lot. I think it’s freezing out. Can you hear me?

Chris Seiter 29:54
I’m back. Sorry. And I was about to say that COVID hits on top of it, you know, so you’re dealing with like, crazy changes. And then kids, your kids probably had to do home school too. So they’re at home during the day. And then he decides he’s not the father anymore.

Stacia 30:22
I think that’s when he was like, oh, gosh, like, what if this isn’t even mine. But yeah, I struggled also to nurse my first she wouldn’t latch. And my second did and she was pretty much a dream to nurse. But then my third, he, he was difficult, but I also started back to work and then with the shortage of teachers, we didn’t have anybody to relieve me. So I couldn’t pump as much as I needed to. And so I you know, had my milk dried up and that was difficult. And I think that’s when my hormone Dawn kind of happen is when I stopped nursing.

Chris Seiter 31:00
Yeah, those factors really make make a huge difference. It’s almost like a perfect storm and, and it’s also hard to like, leave your newborn baby to go back to work, you know, so, okay, so you think it all kind of cultivator are culminated in that screaming match during during the thing and he walks out? And ever since then it was kind of like, but did he ever like tell you like when he was away from you what that was, like, from his perspective, like during the two month blackout period.

Stacia 31:32
He did. He said, He went inside a hole, he had moved to his family’s like property, and it’s very isolated on like, 50 Something acres. And he, when he wasn’t helping coach practice, he was just in a depression in that lake house. And he wouldn’t call anybody, he lost a lot of weight. He didn’t eat much, very depressed. And so that was a lot of it. And he said, Of course, he thought about me all the time. And he didn’t know how to handle it, because he does have some paranoia. And he was worried that, you know, I was becoming somebody else. And you know, what if we end up together, and then she turns into this monster, I guess?

Chris Seiter 32:17
He was what exactly caused that type of paranoia? Was it something that he misunderstood? Did he ever like, elaborate on like, why would he think you’re becoming someone else?

Stacia 32:29
He, um, his, from what I understand his mother has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. And so I know it’s like 75% genetic, in at least one child. I’m worried that he might have a little bit of that. He’s, he’s been paranoid since we met. But like the older he’s gotten, the more that that’s kind of surfaced. So I think he had gotten in his head. He said that his mom had had a dream that I shot him. And so he took that dream and, and ran with it. Okay. Yeah. So that was

Chris Seiter 33:10
I don’t, I don’t picture you as the shooting type, but

Stacia 33:13
not like weapons at all. So

Chris Seiter 33:17
there you go. Okay. So okay, things, you’re kind of back together, now you’ve got the ring? How have things been, from your perspective? since you’ve been back together? Has it been really, really good? Or do you feel like you still have work to do?

Stacia 33:33
Honestly, I think that we’re the best that we’ve ever been, even when we first started dating. It’s like, it really did become a new relationship, it was different. Somehow, we were actually able to just kind of leave that and become to new people. And, you know, we had both grown and changed a lot. So he was able to see that growth in me. And of course, you know, no more postpartum depression and as you know, become a happier person, just overall and better able to manage. And he’s made it more of a point to come around and stay and take me on dates and spend that quality time. And so now it’s like, you know, he wants to call he wants to send a text, even if it’s three words, or, you know, he wants to go do things and has, you know, wanted to even try to start a podcast and I’ve just laughed at him like, okay, like, that’s fine, whatever you want to do, but he’s like, happy and I am tell you, it’s, it’s really good.

Chris Seiter 34:35
When you look back at the entire situation, what do you feel like was the most important factor for your success?

Stacia 34:41
I really truly believe it was throwing myself into me. And as you mentioned, I had a wonderful battle buddy, and she and I, we live two states apart. So she was like, Hey, this is crazy, but like, I’m gonna come meet you. And she did and she’s actually here right now. She it’s our spring break. So they came Uh oh, it’s exciting. Yeah. And so you know, we’ve become really great friends and able to connect and you know, talk about it and help each other with any situations. And I’ve also met another group member, that’s not but like 45 minutes for me. And we’ve talked about possibly getting coffee, but it’s just not happened yet. But this group has been so helpful in just throwing myself and learning that Trinity and working on me and trying to not think about what was going on as much as possible and get out of my own way, I guess with what he might be doing or not be doing.

Chris Seiter 35:38
Yeah. Like, overall, I would say you have one of the more unique success stories, and I think it’s good for anyone listening, who has been sort of ghosted in this way, like, we don’t see that a lot. We see like these these blocks, but you can still kind of contact them through email. I mean, you were just like, you were he was, I mean, DNA test and everything. You kind of pulled victory from the jaws of defeat. And I think, for me, the key to your success was that two month period of the black hole period that he talks about, you had no choice but to run through your emotions, and then kind of invest in yourself. And then I think through doing that, you felt like, oh, wow, I am not this relationship. I’m, I have other aspirations. And now you’re going to be a doctor. So you’ll be coming back on the podcast when you get married as Doctor?

Stacia 36:34
Absolutely. Yes, I agree with you. I feel like him falling off the grid and me feeling like, Okay, this is done. Like, it’s just, I had to accept it. And I’d never had to accept it before if we had like, had a little break up here, there. But this time, I was like, it’s it’s over. Like, there’s paperwork on my door, saying, like, it was like a divorce, like we’re done. And I had to accept that. And it was hard. It was definitely not easy. But it made it forced me to build myself back.

Chris Seiter 37:06
Do you feel like if the same thing ever happened again, you’d be able to know exactly what to do how to handle it, you’d have the confidence to survive?

Stacia 37:14
I do. Yeah, I really do.

Chris Seiter 37:17
See, to me, that’s the key. And I think that’s the lesson that most people don’t ever really use or get. I think a lot of and I’m kind of curious to get your opinion. Like when I often go to the group, I see a lot of people trying to manipulate their way to get their exes back as opposed to investing in themselves and kind of that ex coming back as the symptom of that, or do you feel like that’s kind of on the mark with your experience?

Stacia 37:43
Absolutely. Like, I feel like if you’re trying to manipulate somebody else to get them back, like you’re not doing that work for you. And when you become that better person that you are, they they’re just like addicted to it, they can smell it, and they come back around. And I feel like just personally for my situation, if I tried to manipulate him, he would catch on to it and then it would go right back into the same cycle. And it never changed. Like he couldn’t see you know, the change and I didn’t see the change because I was being manipulative to get what I wanted. So I feel very much like that’s what made her break broke my situation.

Chris Seiter 38:27
Thank you so much for coming on and doing this. Your story blew me away. It was so

Stacia 38:34
thank you. I mean, I’ve loved being a part of the group like this has been an amazing group. It was the best thing that I could have stumbled upon.

Chris Seiter 38:42
I’m so happy to hear you. Thank you.

Stacia 38:46
Thank you