I’d like to talk about the major signs that your ex still loves you after a breakup.
You may be wondering how I came up with these signs. Well, I thought I’d query real people who got their exes back and asked them exactly what those exes said. In other words, I do what I always do. I went to my private Facebook support group and asked them the following question,
I mean, no offense to my peers but I’m getting tired of the basic “signs” that an ex still loves you. Often they seem cliché and offer no real value or insight. Besides, where’s the proof that these so-called signs aren’t just made up by a writer trying to drive more clicks to their website?
In the end, I identified eight things that exes who are still in love with you will say when they want you back (with proof);
- You Were The One That Got Away
- I’ll Fly You Out To See Me
- I Should Never Have Left You
- Do You Need Help?
- I Miss Taking Pictures Together
- I Haven’t Met Anyone Like You
- Stay Off Tinder You Are Mine
- I’m Finding It Difficult To See Your Updates
My theory is simple, by looking at what exes are saying we can gain insight into their state of mind and learn a bit about what made them fall in love in the first place.
Sign #1: You Were The One That Got Away
This person said,
My first ERP ex came back after two years (I assume it took him that long because he had a couple of rebounds). Some of the things he said were that he was sorry for how he ghosted me and realized how good he had it (his rebounds all cheated on him!), that I was the “girl that got away,” and asked me if I would ever think of a future with him. By then, I had already moved on with someone else (current ERP ex now).
The thing that really sticks out to me here is that statement this ex made,
You were the girl that got away.
It’s a surprisingly common statement within our success stories.
And it’s a sentiment I’ve been trying to explain to my clients all year,
Generally speaking the way to get the moniker of “the girl that got away” you need to actually go away.
And if you read our clients last sentence you’d see that’s exactly what she did.
Sign #2: I’ll Fly You Out To See Me
I love this one,
ERP ex came back saying “You won, you got something out of me being a scumbag. I got cheated on and now I’m going crazy.” I took some time to call and respond cause I was out of a relationship too. He then offered to fly me out but I payed for my ticket and he paid for the Airbnb. And then we got back together and we tried working on things. He said he loved me again but I waited a month to say it sincerely. I was more avoidant and he was the anxious one this time.
Generally speaking if an ex is willing to PAY for you to come see them it’s an incredibly good sign that they are still in love with you.
But what did this specific person do to have this result?
Well, I find it interesting that the ex mentioned that they were cheated on by their current partner. Almost like that one event caused the ex to put things into perspective.
It reeks of the grass is greener syndrome to me.
By experience how horrible the dating pool is outside of you it really paints you in a good light.
Sign #3: I Should Never Have Left You
This is probably the hardest one to break down because it’s the basic thing that most exes say when they want you back.
Straight up called me and was a little cocky at first with the “Bet you have been waiting on this call huh?” line, but when I didn’t give in it wasn’t long before he was texting me all day, calling me every day, then spilling his guts on how he should have never left. Initially though he just talked about his life and how good he was doing and asked about mine.
The big takeaway I took from this was the fact that no ex wants to seem like a bad guy. In fact, in the case of this client their ex got cocky.
It’s a front put up by the ego.
No one wants to admit they made a mistake but the longer the conversation goes and the more “serious” it becomes the truth almost always comes out.
Sign #4: Do You Need Help?
Here’s what this person said,
Sent me a message during the last hurricane in Florida (September 29) asking if I needed help, if I was ok and that he missed me. I read the message and have not replied so far. I am in day 21/45 of NC.
A few years ago my wife came up with a really great text message concept. One that I’ve talked about in depth here.
It’s called the damsel in distress text message and it plays completely on the stereotype that men love a damsel in distress.
The way the text works is comically simple,
You have a problem and only your ex can solve it.
But in general, most damsel in distress text messages have to be initiated by you. But what if your ex actually offers to solve a problem without prompting?
Well, that’s a very good sign.
Sign #5: I Miss Taking Pictures Together
Here’s what this one had to say,
One of our reconciliations he said that he missed taking pictures together and asked me if I was willing to continue making memories together
What’s interesting about this one is this is what a real “I miss you” text looks like. In my experience, most exes are a little cowardly in how they approach the post breakup reconciliation period.
So, rather than actually coming out and saying,
I love you.
They can’t even say “I miss you.”
But they can say they miss doing something specific with you.
Sign #6: I Haven’t Met Anyone Like You Before
My erp ex came bk within the 1 year after the break up, bt I chose to walk away and till now he sends coffee and notes how much he misses n loves even though he lives in Saudi Arabia.
- That there really isn’t anyone like me.
- He missed the care,love and safety he felt with me and the best friend/love/life partner combo.
- Grass is greener faded away.
The thing that strikes me with this one actually has to do with my commitment theory.
There are six components needed to gain a commitment.
- Fear of Loss
It’s the scarcity aspect that this person is really pointing out.
Scarcity is all about showing that you are one of a kind. Basically, there’s only one of you in the world and I hate to dig too deep into the GIGS (grass is greener syndrome) well but sometimes the only way for an ex to realize that is to go out and realize it by dating others while at the same time seeing you live your best life.
Look at what the commentor above said,
- Changes I made:
- Got a better job
- Lost weight
- Pick up new exciting hobbies
- Worked on myself
- Become fully independent
All positive changes that create a scenario where the ex is missing out.
Sign #7: Stay Off Tinder You Are Mine
I thought this was really cute.
This person said,
He accidentally saw my tinder when we were out on a meetup because I wanted to show him something on my phone. He texted me a day later about it saying you better stay off tinder you are mine.
If your ex is expressing jealousy that you are even entertaining the idea of dating someone else then that usually means they still want you.
Sign #8: I’m Finding It Difficult To See Your Updates
This person said,
I was told “I’m finding it difficult to see what’s going on in your life and what you’ve been up to”
This is a classic sign that what I was doing was working
And we come to the final sign. This one really has to do with admitting that they are spying on you via social media and struggling with it.
It just proves what I’ve always said about social media and its importance after a breakup. If your ex is reacting to your updates and feels like they are missing out then that usually means they are still not over the breakup.