By Chris Seiter

Published on April 12th, 2022

Today I’m going to show you the eight definitive signs that a man is missing you during a no contact rule.

If you aren’t familiar, the no contact rule is defined as,

A period of time where you cut off all conceivable communication with an ex after a breakup. The intent of this tactic should NOT be used to make your ex miss you but instead should be used to rebuild your own life so that you outgrow your ex. By doing this, the no contact rule can have the added benefit of making an ex miss you

Usually this period of time lasts anywhere between 21-45 days. Of course, for many of our clients are left wondering how they can tell if it is even working.

After all, our studies have shown that most exes won’t reach out to you during the no contact rule,

In all, my team and I strongly believe that there are eight signs that men can exhibit when a no contact rule is being used on them,

  1. He tries to get information about you from your sphere of influence
  2. He’s trying to prove he’s over you on social media
  3. He reaches out excessively in a neutral way(obviously)
  4. He then shifts his attitude to being angry
  5. The topics he reaches out to you with follow the JBN method (jealous, bragging, nostalgia)
  6. When he reaches out you notice a trend about when the attempts are happening
  7. He writes a letter a sends it to you
  8. He purposely tries to see you in person

I’ve listed these signs in an order that I feel is most likely to occur. In other words, sign #1 is probably going to occur before sign #8.

Let’s dive in.

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Sign #1: He Tries To Get Information About You From Your Sphere Of Influence

So, time to educate you on a bit of our terminology.

Sphere of Influence: Essentially the people who a human surrounds themselves with whose opinions they care about.

Generally the most common candidates for a sphere of influence are friends and family.

Yet we notice something fascinating happening in our clients exes after a breakup.

As stated above, we’ve actually found that most exes won’t reach out during a no contact rule.

That doesn’t mean the no contact rule isn’t effective. It says more about the ex boyfriends state of mind.

Instead, what we often see ex boyfriends doing is spying on you via your sphere of influence.

This can happen in a number of ways,

They’ll reach out to mutual friends to check up on you

They’ll have mutual friends pass messages to you You get the idea.

This is in fact the most common sign that we see after a breakup.

Sign #2: He’s Trying To Prove He’s Over You On Social Media

Notice how many of the other articles covering this topic cover the more direct ways of communication during no contact.

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I’m a bit resistant to that because in the real world that’s not what we are seeing.

My colleague, and head coach Anna Gonowon, wrote this really great piece a few weeks ago about the major difference in how men and women handle breakups.

Here’s what she had to say,

So maybe the real story should go something like this:

  • Boy and girl meet.
  • Boy tells girl he loves her.
  • There is no one else but her.
  • But then, at some point, boy says, “It’s not you, it’s me. Let’s be friends.”
  • The boy changes his Facebook status to “single” and fills his Instagram feed with photos of himself partying with never-before-seen women.
  • The girl, meanwhile, falls apart and tells her friends how unfair it is that he’s already over the relationship, while she’s busy analyzing every minuscule thing that she might have done wrong, for months, maybe even years.
  • But the boy falls apart, too—he just doesn’t show or tell anyone.
  • It sucks for both boy and girl, just in different ways.
  • And it probably sucks even more for him, but he’ll never tell you, because he’s not allowed to.

That societal pressure she mentions about men not being allowed to show they are broken or missing an ex or partner is huge to understanding if an ex will even miss you during no contact.

The truth is that often the most common signs we see during no contact are passive communication.

Whether that’s engaging in sign #1’s sphere of influence shenanigans or engaging in this signs shenanigans by trying to put on a front via social media.

So, what does that look like?

Here’s my general rule of thumb, if you are looking at your exes social media and they are trying REALLY hard to show that they are over the breakup then that’s usually a sign they aren’t over the breakup.

Yes, I’m talking about them posting,

Sappy love songs

Inspiring posts about how love is overrated

Jealousy ploys

Going out waayyyy too much

As my other colleague, Dr. Ramsey says,

The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.

Sign #3: He Reaches Out In A Neutral Way (Obviously)

Really signs #3 and #4 are linked so bear that in mind as you read.

Technically speaking, there’s a 60% chance that after a breakup your ex won’t reach out to you during no contact.

However, that also means there’s a 40% chance they will reach out to you.

Where many of my peers go wrong in my opinion is that they propagate this false narrative and create unrealistic expectation for their readers.

It seems obvious, right? If a guy misses you during no contact then he will for sure reach out to you and tell you that he misses you.

I’ve seen it happen but it usually doesn’t happen at first. Normally they just want to reach out to you with a feeler text.

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The most common one is this,

You are in the middle of a no contact rule of course so you ignore it.

That’s when sign #4 comes into play.

Sign #4: His Attitude Then Shifts To Angry

After realizing that you are making a conscious effort to ignore him he grows angry with you and you’ll get a response like this,

There’s a lot going on here so allow me to unpack.

Firstly, the no contact rule revolves around the psychology of reactance.

Reactance: take a human beings freedom away and they are likely to react in a way to try to take that freedom back.

The no contact rule technically is about taking a mans freedom of talking to you away and what you see with an angry response from them is reactance rearing its ugly head.

But there’s more to it than that.

In this video,

Coach Anna and I discussed at length the psychology behind anger and she said something that really resonated with me and I’m not the only one. The top comment of that YouTube video calls it out too,

“If we look at situations where someone else is wrong and we feel correct we distract ourselves from feeling pain. That’s why so many exes feel angry and judgmental.”

To quote the science fiction novel, Dune,

“How often it is that the angry man rages denial of what his inner self is telling him.”

The truth is that for many being left alone is the scariest thing alone because you are forced with all the shortcomings you exhibited in the relationship.

The no contact rule exacerbates that and so often we find that exes getting angry for being ignored are lashing out because it’s easier to blame you for their own shortcomings.

Sign #5: The Topics He Reaches Out To You With Follow The JBN Method

Almost always a guy is going to reach out to you neutrally during the no contact rule.

Sometimes that neutrality will turn to scorn as mentioned above.

However, sometimes it follows a different pattern.

  • J: Jealousy
  • B: Bragging
  • N: Nostalgia

If your ex brings up either of these things its a good bet they are missing you (though they may not be willing to admit it to themselves yet.)

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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So, what do these look like?

Let’s explore.


This one is more insecurities speaking more than anything else but usually it’s calling attention to something you did on social media.

They’ll sometimes create their own narrative about how while you were out with friends you met someone else.

Stuff like that is very common.


Usually they’ll send a picture of some achievement. There’s an element of,

“Look what you’re missing out on by not being with me.”

Also, it harkens back to sign #2 with them trying to prove that they are over you.


This usually happens towards the end of no contact and it seemingly can occur out of nowhere.

In fact, Dr. Ramsey brought this up in a video I did with him,

Here’s how it works. Your ex literally reaches out to you bringing up some super emotional memory.

Sign #6: You Notice A Trend About When The Reach Out Attempts Are Happening

This is purely a timing element that I want you to keep your eyes peeled out for.

If your ex is reaching out to you consistently during the no contact rule at a time that they’d likely be by themselves it gives some interesting insight into their state of mind.

Remember above with the anger sign I said that sometimes the scariest thing for a person to be left alone with themselves.

This is a bit of that.

So, pay attention to the timing of the reach outs.

Not much more to expand on here.

Sign #7: He Writes A Letter And Sends It To You

Now, coach Anna and I have made our opinions clear on YOU sending letters to your ex after a breakup here,

But we have seen plenty of letters received during a no contact period.

Usually it is some closure based thing but Coach Anna has an interesting technique to deciphering the intent of the letter.

Pay attention how often they write in the first person.

  • I
  • Me
  • My

Compare that to how often them mention you. Generally speaking if the entire letter is written in a way to make themselves feel better they are still hurt deeply by the breakup.

Sign #8: He Purposely Tries To See You In Person

Usually we have the opposite problem with our clients meaning they like to break no contact to see their exes early.

This is the opposite.

If your ex boyfriend is manufacturing ways to see you in person and purposely runs into you then it’s a good sign that they are missing you in some way shape or form.

For many it can be extremely difficult to have such a dramatic change in routine.

Throughout our relationships we got used to our routines and then with he breakup you suddenly remove any opportunity for them to phase out in a way that feels more natural.

Such is the power of no contact.

Of course, one of the thing that sets our program apart is that we don’t want you focused on an ex or a guy at all during no contact.

We want you focused on you.

I recommend checking out some of these resources to learn more about that concept because that’s really what makes our version of no contact so successful.

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1 thought on “Signs He Misses You During No Contact”

  1. Lisa

    January 2, 2023 at 10:17 pm

    I recently broke up with my ex . He called me last night to wish me A Happy New Year