By Chris Seiter

Published on May 6th, 2023

Today we will discuss the 9 significant signs a man will exhibit when he doesn’t care about your feelings.

In this in-depth list, we’re going to look at the following things,

  1. Pay attention to where they are investing their time.
  2. A Dismissal or minimization of your emotions.
  3. Disrespectful behavior towards you in the presence of others.
  4. Inconsistent attention and availability.
  5. Domination of all conversations.
  6. Selective kindness for personal gain.
  7. A Lack of intimacy.
  8. He’ll exhibit 13 narcissistic traits.
  9. He’ll invalidate your experiences.

Let’s get started.

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Sign #1: Pay Attention To Where He’s Investing His Time

You must pay attention to where he is investing his time.

Our founder, Chris Seiter, has spoken frequently about this topic in his article on commitment, which I highly recommend you read.

But basically, he talks about there being six pillars of commitment,

  1. Satisfaction
  2. Alternatives
  3. Investment
  4. Scarcity
  5. Urgency
  6. Fear of Loss

He makes a robust case for investment being the most essential pillar of the six. He cites research that people often stay in unhappy marriages because they’ve invested so much time into the relationship they don’t want it to be for nothing.

Thus, if you pay attention to where someone spends their time, you’ll often learn a lot about their intentions.

If a guy is spending a lot of time with other people as opposed to you, it’s usually not a very good sign.

Sign #2: He Dismisses Or Minimizes Your Emotions

Let’s pretend for a moment that you’re in a relationship with someone who often makes plans without consulting you, leaving you feeling left out or unimportant. And when you express your feelings about this, they respond with indifference, saying things like, “It’s not a big deal,” or “I’ll include you next time.”

Essentially you are an afterthought.

You start to feel like you don’t matter to them and that they don’t take your concerns seriously.

That’s usually not a good sign, but it often continues beyond there.

Some people will go so far as to gaslight you.

Let’s use another example. Let’s say that when you mention an instance where your partner hurt your feelings. They deny anything ever happened or can even alter the tale to make it appear that you are overreacting. It leads you to doubt your observations and question your feelings.

In fact, research consistently shows that gaslighting affects its victims in the following ways,

  1. Doubting one’s own memory and perception
  2. Feeling confused and disoriented
  3. Loss of self-confidence and self-esteem
  4. Anxiety and/or depression
  5. Feeling like you are “going crazy.”
  6. Difficulty making decisions
  7. Isolation from friends and family
  8. Emotional dependence on the gaslighter
  9. Physical symptoms such as headaches and stomach issues
  10. Difficulty trusting others

Sign #3: He Disrespects You By Hitting On Other Women In Front Of You

This is one of the most obvious signs that the person you are with doesn’t care about your feelings.

There’s not a ton of originality I can add here other than to give some examples.

Imagine you are hanging out with your boyfriend (or girlfriend) in a mall, and they start flirting with someone else even though you’re right there – that’s some bold disrespect.

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And to make things worse, let’s say they start making suggestive comments, laugh too hard at her jokes, and even start putting their arm around this new person.

Later, you see them liking and commenting on this person’s social media posts, sending flirty messages, and even following them back.


Oh, and here’s the worst part,

The minute you confront them about their behavior, they brush you off and say, ‘You’re just being too jealous,’ and it was just a ‘harmless’ flirting.

Once again, gaslighting rears its ugly head.

(You’re going to see that it’s a constant theme throughout this article)

Sign #4: He Completely Ignores You For Days At A Time And Then Comes Back When It’s Convenient

Unfortunately, I’ve experienced this type of guy firsthand. You know the type, “the hot and cold guy.”

One potential explanation for this behavior can be found within attachment styles. Specifically the fearful avoidant attachment style,

In this interview between Chris and Senior Coach Dr. Tyler Ramsey, the two have a fascinating discussion about the core wounds of someone with a fearful avoidant attachment style, which might explain why there’s this Jekyll and Hyde effect in play.

They have an anxious fear of being abandoned.

But they also have an avoidant wound where they seek independence.

These two conflicting values make their behaviors erratic.

But when I asked Chris Seiter his thoughts on why a guy would ignore you for days and then suddenly reappear, here’s what he had to say.

“Ya, we’ve seen that happen often in our coaching practice. Does this story sound familiar? He ignores you, but then something happens at work where he needs your help, and suddenly, you can’t get rid of him.”

What he’s getting at is that if you have a partner who only sees you as a priority when you’re beneficial to him, that isn’t going to be a foundation for a healthy relationship.

And people who operate this way don’t just suddenly start doing this with you. They’ve done it for years, which means they’ve become experts at saying the right thing to pull you in.

They’ll make you think they’ll treat you better when you give them what they want, but they’ll disappear once they get what they want.

Sign #5: All Conversations Are Dominated By Him

If you could put a percentage on how often you talk in a conversation and how often he talks, what does the percentage ratio look like?

Ideally, you want a perfect split of 50% talking time for him and 50% for you. In other words, your conversations should look like this,

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But if it’s more like 70% him and 30% you, that’s a problem.

So, what does that look like?

When you try to share something about yourself, he will interrupt and start talking about his experiences.

He’ll talk about his job, hobbies, friends, and family, but he will not ask you questions or show much interest in your life. You will feel frustrated and ignored. You may struggle to get a word in edgewise, and you feel like he’s not interested in what you say.


Taking turns speaking or listening is an essential solution that works in a relationship and allows for healthy communication and mutual respect.

Sign #6: He’s Only Sweet To You When He Wants To Be Intimate

We are big believers in the actions vs. words approach here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

What we are looking for are patterns. If your ex (or boyfriend) says one thing, do their actions bear that out?

In this particular case, if your partner has a pattern of being extremely sweet to you only when they want sex, well, that’s a significant problem.

Please pay attention to how they treat you when they don’t want anything versus when they want something from you.

That’ll tell the story of what their intentions are right there.

Jordan Peterson (while his politics leave a lot to be desired) did a pretty interesting lecture on this concept here,

In it, he cites from Carl Jung,

“If you can’t figure out what someone is doing or why, look at the outcome and infer the motivation.” – Carl Jung

So, if he says all sorts of nice things to you, then that’s great but do the actions actually line up with what he’s saying?

If not, it’s inauthentic.

Sign #7: He Doesn’t Have Time For Intimacy For You Anymore

This is the opposite end of the spectrum from the sign above; with that one, all he wanted to do was sleep with you. Here, he doesn’t want any intimacy.

This usually indicates that he is not prioritizing emotional connection and intimacy in the relationship.

So, he’s gone full avoidant mode.

One reason is that he is bothered due to past experiences or unresolved emotional issues. It may be because he’s feeling overwhelmed or stressed in other areas of his life, such as work or family, which affects his ability to connect with you intimately.

On a side note, his dopamine levels could also be low, leading to a lack of interest in sex and intimacy.

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Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that plays a vital role in the brain’s reward system and is involved in feelings of pleasure, motivation, and desire.

However, if he continues to show a lack of interest in being intimate with you and doesn’t take steps to address the issue, it could be a sign that he isn’t fully invested in the relationship.

Sign #8: They Exhibit Narcissistic Traits

Narcissists are incapable of empathy. Therefore, they wouldn’t care about your feelings.

Let’s start with the traits of narcissists.:

  • They think they’re really important.
  • They daydream a lot about being successful and better than everyone else.
  • They believe they’re unique and deserve admiration from others.
  • They act entitled as if they deserve special treatment.
  • They’re not afraid to take advantage of others to get what they want.
  • They don’t really care about other people’s feelings.
  • They get jealous of others who have things they want.
  • They’re arrogant and think they’re always right.

And some other things can show up in people with narcissistic personality disorder:

  • They’re super focused on other people to make themselves look good.
  • They always want to prove they’re better than everyone else.
  • They don’t understand or care about other people’s feelings.
  • They have a hard time forming genuine, honest relationships with others.
  • They struggle to maintain close relationships because they don’t connect with people meaningfully.


But what makes a narcissist?

We’ve written a really great article about that already. Here’s a quote that I think answers that question pretty well,

Simply having a few characteristics would mean solely that the subject has narcissistic traits. Still, if your ex personifies five or more of them, he could be clinically classified as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Sign #9: He Invalidates Your Experiences

By invalidating your experiences, you might hear the following words from your partner after sharing an experience.

“You’re overreacting.”

“It’s not a big deal; get over it.”

“That’s not how it happened.”

“Many people have suffered way more than you have.”

If you were sharing an experience in the hope of gaining some empathy and validation, but instead, your partner made you feel like you can’t open up to them without being criticized or dismissed, then that’s a significant problem.

Thus, if your partner regularly tells you that you’re overreacting, being dramatic, or that your experiences aren’t valid, it could signify that they don’t care much about your feelings.

What you are always looking for with these signs is patterns, though. If they are consistently doing this, that’s also a big tip-off.


Several signs confirm that your partner does not care about you.

These signs are:

  • not investing time and effort into the relationship,
  • dismissing or minimizing your emotions,
  • disrespecting you in the presence of other women,
  • being inconsistent with attention and availability,
  • dominating conversations,
  • showing selective kindness for personal gain,
  • lacking intimacy,
  • exhibiting narcissistic traits, and
  • invalidating your experiences.

If you see any of these characteristics in your partner, it might be time to reassess your relationship. Also, consider whether it is worthwhile to continue being in an environment where your emotional well-being is not prioritized.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who genuinely cares for you and respects you with dignity.

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