When, How And If You Should Apologize To Your Ex Boyfriend

107 thoughts on “Should You Ever Apologize To Your Ex Boyfriend?”

Joleemm

May 2, 2017 at 7:32 pm

Hey,
So I recently met this really handsome guy and we started dating. Within the first week we had sex and it was great and he even thanked me for it. He had a bit of fever and low blood count even though he was very active stil moving and going out and stuff, but he wouldn’t start any conversations or calls unless I do. Then I asked him why he wasn’t sending me any good mornings anymore unless I send him.then he said it was because he was sick. Since I started dating him,he never initiate anything like us doing something together.so in the second week I asked we could catch a movie at my place .He didn’t show up because he said he had to go somewhere and promised me the next day he was gonna do it!.But never showed up.i just let it slide.then three days later we met and I asked him about it and he said he was testing me. On our third week of dating, I asked to meet and talk but he said he was busy and will let me know when he is less busy. I got pissed of with him not really caring about me and not putting effort and I told him.the way our relationship is ,that is not what I want from my relationship. So I broke up with him. We started chatting the next day again.i asked whether he stil loves me and iswilling to work things out but he has not replied me. I don’t know what to do now. I want him back.what should I do?.
Thank you for your reply

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 3, 2017 at 6:37 pm

try at least 3 weeks of nc.. dont be friends with benefits..be active in improving yourself during and after nc and slowly build rapport

Jenny

April 17, 2017 at 6:31 am

Hi,
I was dating a guy for about half a year. In the beginning, he always talked about our future, he was very sweet and attentive. He seemed so sure that he wanted a relationship with me even though I wasn’t so sure. Then he went away on a trip, he said he didn’t want to lose me so we did long distance for the 3 months that he was gone. We messaged and called a lot less near the end of his trip, things got a bit rocky sometimes but the expectation of us being together was still there. When he got back, he told me that he just doesn’t want a relationship with anyone right now. He told me that it’s not me, he said he likes me, it’d be with me if he did want a relationship, he just doesn’t want any obligations right now. He cried when he broke it off with me.
After we broke up, he said he wanted to try go back to dating rather than have a full on relationship and I compromised with him. During that time, he had plans everyday to see his friends and couldn’t give me much time at all. We got into a fight about a week later and he broke it off again.
Because I had a lot of good memories with him and I didn’t want to lose him after so much investment, I asked to be friends and he agreed. Since then, he would take days to reply to any messages and he would make up excuses for not replying. We were suppose to meet up to catch up for the first time since the break up the other day, we made the plan over a week prior and I checked in with him again a few days prior to when we are suppose to meet up. Then on the actual day when the catch up was suppose to happen, he texted me a few hours before our agreed time and said he has to cancel because he has a family thing. I got really angry because it sounds like he’s known about it for a while and he waited to the last minute to tell me. I tried calling him so we can talk it out but he refused to answer my calls, so I sent him an angry goodbye text in the end, he replied with an apology and admitted that he’s been a “dick”. I don’t plan on contacting him for a while, but what would be the best course of action to remedy our relationship later?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 22, 2017 at 1:58 pm

But you’re not in ldr now right? If not, follow at least 30 days of no contact, be active in improving yourself and in posting and take it slow in building rapport after

Elizabeth

March 14, 2017 at 6:34 pm

So it’s been 6 months since my boyfriend of almost 7 years broke up with me. Unfortunately I gave him a long apology about the mistakes I made in our relationship back in early December (way before I read it was a bad idea to). He didn’t apologize for anything. Things didnt go so well last time we talked right before new years eve. He told me that he was happy with his new girlfriend and to leave him alone and blocked my number. Complete silence from him. I didnt try to talk to him and check if I was still blocked. I’m not even sure when he unblocked my number. Then i get a few messages from him on a saturday (March 4) at 7pm. It took me completely by surprise since I had convinced myself that he didn’t think of me at all anymore and he really was happier without me. Then I wondered why he would be texting me on a saturday night at 7pm. Wasn’t he with his girlfriend or something? He would always tell me that he couldn’t talk to me because he was with her months ago when I tried. So he texts me that he wants to apologize to me and that he wants to talk to me by phone and it was understandable if I didnt want to. I didnt see his text until way later and wasn’t home anyway. I dont reply until 11:30pm saying sure we can talk. Nothing. Must have fallen asleep already. Sunday night at 8:40pm I text him asking if he would still like to talk. He calls me an hour later. I miss his call since I wasn’t near my phone and don’t see his call until an hour later. I call him back at 10:40pm. It rings once and goes to voice-mail. I assume he fell asleep since he wakes up early for work on Mondays. Monday night I text him apologizing that I missed his call and I didnt see it until an hour later but I will answer the phone and listen to him if he would still like to talk. Nothing again. And still nothing. He hasn’t tried talking to me again. Last wednesday night, I tell our friend about it and he says that no my ex wasn’t asleep on sunday night because he (my ex) had called him about 20 minutes after I had called him back.

This whole time since we’ve been apart, he still had every picture of us still up on his Facebook but now I see that very recently he’s deleted every picture of us. He also updated his profile picture to a picture of him kissing his girlfriend. His girlfriend also commented on one of his selfies telling him that she loves him. He replied that he loves her too.

Honestly I’m so confused and heartbroken all over again. I dont understand why he did this. He says he wants to apologize to me and understands if i dont want to talk to him yet he ignores me when I try to get back to him and doesn’t try to talk to me again? Now he does this and forces himself back to the front of my mind. All those memories and hopes and dreams of what couldve been came rushing back. Now i really want to know what he wanted to apologize for and what else he could possibly want/say. Maybe it was just a moment of weakness and he doesn’t want to apologize anymore. Or was it because I took hours to respond to him? Or because I missed his call the one time he tried calling me? Is he ignoring me again? Did he forget about me again? I dont understand why he would want to apologize to me out of nowhere if he seems happy with his new girlfriend and then just ignore me again without telling me anything. Should I wait to see if he tries to apologize again? Or just try to forget about this and him

Elizabeth

March 17, 2017 at 2:30 am

I want to do a month NC and then send him a happy birthday text a few days after his birthday like Chris suggests. (His birthday is April 20)

I’m not sure if this is a good idea though.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2017 at 7:31 pm

yup that’s ok!
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2017 at 10:57 am

Hi Elizabeth,

he’s probably just confused..when is your nc period ending?

Giselle

February 23, 2017 at 9:04 am

Aaaah okay! He happens to be stateside across the country actually so he does have a phone. He sees my stories and has me still on social media… do I restart no contact again or do I just improve texting?

Gabrielle

February 24, 2017 at 12:44 am

He was undecided if he was going to stay after his contact ended or not. He still has 6 months left then he’s out. He said he didn’t know if he was coming back so he told me he’s rather tell me now then later 6 months later he wasn’t coming home. I also feel he’s got a bit of the grass is greener syndrome as well :/ but yes I will do the texting tactics!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2017 at 2:22 pm

ah ok… he doesn’t want you to expect.. That’s good that you’re doing the texting tactics.
Gabrielle

February 23, 2017 at 9:51 pm

He’s already back. He came for the holidays and towards the time he was about to go back he broke it off. We talked a bit after it was over her and there: Then I went into straight 21 days no contact. And that’s when after I finished the 21 days i sent the apology text and that’s where I am in my situation as of now.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2017 at 10:18 pm

So, he’s not going back in military ever again or it would be a very long time? And he was only there for a short time.. but right now you’re still long distance so, I think you need to try to improve your texting first. It’s ok to initiate as long as you the one ending the conversation at high point. Check this:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2017 at 9:03 pm

when is he leaving for military?

Gabrielle

February 22, 2017 at 11:09 pm

Thank you so much Amor! and yeah I also believe so since he was like “It doesn’t have to be awkward between us” yet it kind of is because we don’t talk and if we do it’s usually me and he’s just short with his responses. What is the best recommendation going forward?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2017 at 1:28 am

You’re welcome! hmm.. check this one:
Getting An Army, Military Or Navy Ex Boyfriend Back

Gabrielle

February 22, 2017 at 2:34 am

He prob thinks I am over him due to the fact I told him when I was upset “things are over with you” after the breakup… and possibly we still have each other on social media. Social media is what got him to talk to me the first time actually well sparked interest and then when we messaged hit it off from there. He told me a month ago that “I can’t help but think you want nothing to do with me” and “I miss talking to you etc” yet his actions do not match his words. If I text him he does answer but it’s short. So that’s why I’m very confused on what to do. I feel like he’s actively avoiding me yet he still has me on social media

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2017 at 10:45 pm

he misses you but that doesn’t mean it’s enough to want you back. He probably misses the talks because that’s what he’s used to do. And also, probably because the reason of the break up still exists.

Anna

February 20, 2017 at 3:59 pm

Hi Amor,
I appreciate you receive an abundance of emails daily but I have now been going through this process for quite some time and to be honest I’m now feeling quite hopeless.
Please bear with me whilst I provide you with the background below:
This began in October 2016. I purchased the e-book from this site in November 2016.
Dated for over a year, in hindsight, for me he was probably – to begin with – a rebound relationship as I had broken up with my ex of 6 years prior. However I soon fell madly inlove with him and felt we had an amazing relationship. I am 26, he is 29. Very attractive looking couple, I would fall into ‘UG’ category, have a lot going for me and he was in awe of that throughout our relationship until the end.
He pursued and chased me to no end at the beginning of the relationship, if I’m honest I got a little cocky with that and took advantage of it a little (I wanted constant reassurance, I think as I was still healing from previous split and end of my previous relationship) so throughout the ups and downs, arguments began to take their toll and he ended it with me as he felt he did everything he could for me and I constantly threw it back in his face (bit OTT, as majority of our relationship was amazing).
The end became very sour and quite toxic like; my friends and family warning me to not contact/chase after him as he became so cold, detached, not the person I once knew. I even wondered was he a narcissist as he displayed many of the so-called traits but yet I struggled with NC because I felt I had a part to play in the demise of our relationship/him feeling this way. Again, friends and family would remind me – don’t make excuses for him to treat you like this/as if you are a stranger he never knew, that isn’t love etc etc. Yet I still, so madly inlove, couldn’t let it go. I admit I became a ‘GNAT’ – probably the worst type!! I was full on, intense, desperate almost – a complete and utter shadow of my usual self, behaving in ways I had never done before, all to try ‘get him back’ – I made all the classic mistakes. I sent a final ‘farewell’ if you like email just before New Years. On NYD he contacted me to wish me happy new year and hoped everything worked out for me. I responded thank you, you too. The next day – he turned up at my house (lives over 1 hr drive away) with a Christmas present (he had told me he had returned) and told me he missed me. I felt ecstatic, I thought things could turn around. I saw him 2 days after that, we had a nice time, but by the time the weekend came and I asked to see him again he shut me out, it resulted in an argument and he told me this was never going to work and we need to draw a line here and leave it at that. I was DEVASTATED, crushed and torn all over again! I couldn’t believe it. I went into NC straight after that and actively improved – even went on some casual dates, went on a ski trip with friends, positive active posting on social media etc etc. I wasn’t sure if and when I would break NC, I wanted to do at least 45 and reassess my feelings.
On day 30 – he called me & left me a voicemail to please call him back. I answered because, a) I couldn’t believe my eyes and b) I felt minimum enough time had passed and maybe we could talk. He asked would I meet him at some point that week to talk, he told me he missed me. It was very much me in control at that point, he sounded remorseful/regretful and genuinely sincere that he wanted to speak to me.
We met and when we did he didn’t actively ‘talk’ like he implied he wanted…he sort of acted like nothing had changed. I know it’s better to ‘go with the flow’ and be casual and cool, but I had hit the lowest point of my life and now he was back and I felt I had to talk some of that out with him. He did open up a little, said he needed the total time and space to begin thinking about us in a positive way instead of the negative way he focused on at time of breakup (word for word what Chris’ articles prescribe!) and the time apart allowed him to miss me, us, the positives and for the first time since split think maybe we could have a future together again.
I ended up coming on quite strong, probing more and more q’s and asking him was he just going to leave again…I needed to know he was serious about us trying to work things out etc etc. Looking back, I absolutely instantly became so needy again!
I saw him again a couple of days after that, what started off as a nice walk in the park I brought the same conversation up again when he dropped me off. Saying I needed more reassurance from him and more noticeable effort…well since then…he’s ran a mile. He told me there and then, why can’t you just chill out and let things be, you’re putting pressure on me/us and making this intense and it doesn’t need to be. I told him I wasn’t going to be some option and someone he fits in when he feels like it…. Looking back, I should have given it more time before accusing him of doing that (it was only the second meeting)
I then became a GNAT again trying to contact him loads, asking him why he was ignoring me, if he’s changed his mind just say….eventually got him on the phone and he said yes ok maybe I was wrong, this probably isn’t going to go anywhere, I feel too pressured.

That’s where we are at, I could kick myself! He has ran a mile and doesn’t want to talk to me – I’ve apologised for coming on too strong/intense (no reply back).

I really do want to give it a go because when we are together we have so much fun, I just should have kept the deeper chats until more rapport was built.
Your help would benefit me so much, I have no idea what to do. Thnx x

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2017 at 8:12 pm

Hi Anna,

stop chasing and stop asking.. the more you ask, at this point, it just looks like you’re nagging him.. If you really mean what you say, you would act more like you’re done talking. It will be frustrating because you feel otherwise, but it’s going back to who you were before but a nicer version.. If he wants to be back in your life, he has to prove it but that doesn’t mean you have to nag him.. you just don’t have to give in easily..

Gabrielle

February 18, 2017 at 4:51 am

After completing the no contact rule, I decided to reply to my exes story on his snapchat. He responded neutral then I texted him apologizing for my lack of immaturity and understanding of the breakup And how I decide to let go of my pride and apologize because I really feel bad. His response was that “there is really no need to apologize” and I said “I know but I feel the need to” and he responded “it’s okay no worries” I feel these are neutral responses as indicatated on the website. Could it be resentment of me doing the contact rule? Or he’s hurt ? Should I let go and move on?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2017 at 3:20 pm

hi Gabriel,

for me, that’s a positive one.. you’ll need to initiate a conversation the next day to know how he would react
but if you didn’t improve yourself during nc and were not active in posting in social media, then you have to restart the count.. and also, why did you breakup?

Lisa

February 17, 2017 at 11:44 pm

Hello,
He’s been responding positively to the last couple texts sent after no contact but according to the texting calendar on PRO attraction feeler texts are coming soon. How do I approach these texts when he specifically told me that he would like to start hanging out again but be friends first and see where it goes and take it day by day ? Can I still send the attraction texts?

Gabrielle

February 21, 2017 at 11:57 am

He imitated the breakup due to the military and long distance… he wasn’t sure if he was to return after his contract was over. Me being a woman, clearly made an emotional toll on me and made me react based off emotions. Which I regret. But it’s almost 2 months after the breakup and we were together for 5 so idk if it’s worth saving if I feel he may be over me 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2017 at 11:32 pm

take it like that, that he’s over you.. If he is over you, would he think you’re over him and would he be interested to talk to you again if he sees you’re posts?
Lisa

February 19, 2017 at 12:32 am

Just a question out of curiousity. I know every situation is different but on average based on what you have seen after how many texts will it take for your ex to initiate ? I’m on my third day of texting and although he seems to be responding positively he still is not initiating or asking questions to further the convo.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2017 at 6:46 pm

most of the time, I notice other commenters get it after 2 or 3 weeks, when they’re about to transition to calls.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2017 at 12:02 pm

Hi Lisa,

yes, you can.. actually he basically describe the process that you’re going to do..start out as friends and then build rapport and attraction as it goes on..

Mary

February 17, 2017 at 7:08 pm

So my ex just texted me out of nowhere for the first time in like two months.. saying “what happened to us?”, to which I answered “A bit out of nowhere. A lilttle bit of everything… people change I guess” and he hasn’t answered back.. so now I’m debating if I should send him a message asking if he’s okay and telling him I have some of his stuff like a diploma from the official french exam that I’ll leave in his reception….

Background: we dated for three years, amazing relationship, then we broke up but continue to hook up for six months, then I did the no contact rule.. and we never really rekindle things, he got into a rebound relationship with someone who he didn’t use to like that much or have patience for.. but they seem to be going quite strong.. which is why the message took me by surprise.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2017 at 9:41 pm

Hi Mary,

that means they’re not that strong.. yeah, I think that’s a safe text to send.

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107 thoughts on “Should You Ever Apologize To Your Ex Boyfriend?”