My Relationship Ended Badly; Can I Still Get Him Back?

112 thoughts on “My Relationship Ended Badly; Can I Sill Get Him Back?”

Sar

April 29, 2020 at 4:34 am

So me and my ex were together for almost a year and a half. We fought a lot and had problems but always worked them out and really loved each other. Every time we fought he’d be fighting for me the whole time. He was head over heels for me, he thought i was the one and I never thought he’d break up with me no matter what. There’s been a lot of drama and i was the cause for a lot of fights and pain and suffering because it’s really hard for me to get over things and id hold it against him or always come up with issues because he would act a way i didn’t like or be immature etc.
About a week or two ago we had a fight and it dragged on for a while and then we made up like usual but i kept talking about it for a while and then he texted me a few hours later and said he had been spending some time talking to his brother and wanted to talk in person. I knew what this meant. I spent the whole rest of the day and evening screaming and crying and begging. I had never been in this position with him and I was shocked. He told me he just needed a break and we could get back together in a few weeks. Then about a week of having a “break” and only texting if i texted him or before bed I told him i was confused and upset and again he told me that maybe he just didn’t actually want this anymore and wanted to actually break up not have a break. Then there was more crying and begging. I knew that he was tired of all the drama we’d been through and how he felt like he didn’t have a life outside of me. I told him to please take time to think about it because I want to work on myself. After a few days of going back to kind of having a break while he thought about it, and me telling him we could start fresh and that I do realize how much i had held onto things, i began to think he wasn’t going to decide to break up with me and believed that i could change. Then today he looked me dead in the eye and told me it’s over and that nothing i say or do will change his mind. He said he’s done and wanted to be completely free after so long of going through pain and drama with me. He didn’t even seem upset.
He was my absolute best friend and love of my life. We did fight hard but we loved harder. For a year and a half he was completely obsessed and in love with me and never wanted to lose me. I don’t know how he went from that to being able to end it with me when i told him things could change.
Although I have signed up for therapy to focus on my anxiety and overreactions, it’s super fresh so I haven’t really done anything but cry and when i get myself to stop crying it’s because i tell myself we will get back together soon.
What i really want is for him to want me back and us to get back together but be better. I don’t know if he’ll want me back at all bc maybe he’ll see how good and calm his life is without me. He blocked me and i blocked him so idk how he’ll contact me if he even wants to.
We have 4 months before we both go back to college and I want us to get back together soon.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 2, 2020 at 3:36 pm

Hi Sar, if you work on yourself during that time and make sure that you are aiming to be Ungettable then you are then going to be a more confident happier person by the time you get back to college. If you have completed a full 30 days minimum no contact period you can start the texting phase but be sure to read the articles and watch the videos before reaching out so you know what to do

Laura

April 20, 2020 at 11:24 am

Heya,
My ex (26M) and myself (22F) were in a relationship for a year and a half and broke up last week.

The relationship overall was amazing. Unfortunately, I’ve been suffering from anxiety, depression and moodswings years before and during the relationship. This lead me to not being able to communicate effectively and say a lot of hurtful things to him when I was in my moods. I still feel awful from this.

I was living with him and his mum for 6 months and moved out in January. In January, we had a huge argument (stemmed from my moodswings) and inevitably he was extremely hurt. He suggested that I moved out to give us space and that this was my last chance to fix myself up or it’ll end. We also agreed that we would both communicate more effectively as this was our weak point. I immediately moved the same day and started therapy and currently am making a conscious effort to better myself.

In Feb, I messaged him saying that I’ve not noticed a difference and that we seem more distant; so I said to him if he isn’t keen on the relationship let’s end it rather than prolong anything. He objected and said it was merely to do with stress from work and adapting to us no longer living together, so I acknowledged this. On Valentine’s Day, we actually had a beautiful fancy dinner together in the city so I was more than sure things were going forward.

Throughout March, he began to ignore my calls and messages or responded in an untimely fashion. I asked him what was wrong and he vaguely said he’s got “things on his mind”. I’ve made an effort for us to go on dates and things but he claims he’s sick and tired from work, so I went over to his house (this was the last time we saw each other from before breaking up). That last time we spent together was lovely; we cuddled and watched Netflix and napped together.

Throughout the rest of March, he began going distant again and it really got to me so I voice notes asking to please tell me what’s wrong so I can stop pestering (a close relative of mine was in hospital so tensions were high for me, but I communicated this too). He eventually responded and said that the argument we had in January is bothering him and that he wanted space, so I did that…
Last week, I politely asked if we could mutually take a break as it was clear we were both strained from the relationship, his response was “the damage is done” and that there’s no need for a break. I was extremely upset (still am) as I was told to better myself to make the relationship work and that’s what I did, so I said let’s end things officially but I didn’t get a response.

The next day, I asked to call him and we spoke on the phone. I was crying so much asking why things had to be this way despite me keeping to my side of the bargain. He got upset by this and strongly objected us being together and he hung up on me.

So yeah, please advise?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 26, 2020 at 12:53 pm

Hey Laura, so the most important thing for you right now it to focus on work on your anxiety, learning to control your emotions, thoughts and panic attacks. It can be done but you have to be willing to do it and may need some extra help from a therapist. Complete a period of NC with your ex for at least 45 days where you have time to work on yourself and control your anxiety. And then start the texting phase

Kayla

April 13, 2020 at 7:26 pm

Hey,
So me and my ex were together for roughly a 11 months. We had the few months ever and then things started to go down hill. We were arguing alot and I was calling him out on all of his flaws, anyway we argued so much to the stage that he walked out of our house that we just started to rent and said it was over.
I begged and pleaded for roughly 2 weeks and then stopped a weekend passed and he reached out to me and we ended up meeting and sleeping together everything went bad from the we had war and haven’t spoke since.
I would do anything to get him back now.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 18, 2020 at 1:51 pm

Hi Kayla I would suggest that you take a 45 day NC and stick to it, and definitely do not sleep with him again until things are good between you both again. As this is going to end up in a friends with benefits situation where you are going to want him back and he is going to keep walking away when you do. I would suggest that you work on the Holy Trinity, and from there I would then take a look back at why you kept arguing and falling out all the time. You say you want him back but his flaws are still going to be there if you were to get back together.

Dino

March 12, 2020 at 9:32 am

Hi. This is with regards to a person I met online. We have been talking for months, met up a few times, even got intimate and admitted out feelings for each other. This relationship was always kept in the zone of a ‘friendship”- he had his own journey ahead of him and a long way to go and that he didn’t have the bandwidth for a relationship. While I respected that, we’d talk a lot nevertheless. Over time things started changing a bit- he got busy, I gave him his space, we’d still talk and flirt as and when we’d get time.

Very recently something odd happened where I got blocked on his chat. While the premise was silly, he says he did it knowingly and as a joke. What bothered me the most here is that while I thought what happened was disrespectful, he feels it was okay. I told him how I felt about it, and his response was disheartening. In short I was made to realize that he didn’t really care about me or my feelings as a person. I’m still blocked on his chat, and I didn’t even get an apology. I decided to keep this person away for a while, and it has been that way for the past two days.

I do not want anything from him. I do not want to date, and I cannot unsee what happened. It might seem trivial to him but it doesn’t feel that way to me. What bothers me at this point in time is that things ended abruptly. He did try to keep things normal the next day, sent me some forwards like he’d usually do, but I didn’t respond. What is bothering me right now is that I left things on a bad note, by going cold on him and that isn’t me. I’d rather let him know that I’m taking some time off and some space (I strongly believe he won’t care about it nor will it make any difference to him). The reason I want to end things on a decent note is because even though he may have upset me, I still care. And it doesn’t change my goodwill for him. Besides, I do want us to interact, just that I may not put myself out there as much as I did before. Again, if he doesn’t want it that’s okay by me. In short I don’t want to be the dramatic, immature bad guy here.

Is it worth reaching out and closing things properly, and how do I even go about it? Without coming across as dramatic and also keeping my respect intact? Is it worth it considering he doesn’t even care. My mental peace is at stake here, and I do not understand why I have this severe need to keep things civil when everyone has told me to not give him even a second thought.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 18, 2020 at 12:28 am

Hi Dino, so when it comes to situations like this, reaching out in hope for “closure” can back fire and we wont get the answers we wanted or made to feel better. So I would suggest that you have that time to yourself to accept what was, what is and what will be. Respect yourself enough to not appear emotional about this situation, even though you are hurt make sure that you focus on how to make yourself feel better without validation from him. Read some articles or watch the videos about being Ungettable and work on yourself so that you are happy and content with yourself

Elizabeth

March 11, 2020 at 7:28 am

Hi… I hope you reply this comment of mine.. I’m 29 and my ex is 20. He was so mature and kind when we were together so I thought it was the real him. We were happily together for 5 months (travelling together to places etc). Then he broke up with me. He is kinda a celebrity and he’s getting popular too. So there are a lot of girls who want to be with him/sleep with him. He gave me age different as a reason saying he doesn’t think he can get married in 5 years although he once said that he wants it with me. He said he knows that I won’t push him to do it but he think I shouldn’t wait him. He said he still loves me a lot and etc but he doesn’t want to keep going. He also said he wants to be single again. It was at the end of Jan this year we broke up. We agreed to stay friends. But you know what happened right? I tried to do no contact but he came back every time. So we kept seeing each other, spending nights as we are still in love. But then he’s doing hot and cold to me (he showed his love and affection when we met, but once we were not together he turned cold). So it was so hard but I accepted it since I love him too much. And I told myself I’m happy when he is with me so I will just take this pain. And one big problem happened last week. I met a girl (let’s call her Anna) I know at one event and we were talking about relationship and found out that her friend Lucy (let’s call her Lucy) has some connection with my ex-bf. She said she and Lucy are not talking to each other. So the next day she called me on the ph saying that she saw my ex-bf somewhere with a girl etc and asked me a lot of questions about how we kept seeing each other although we broke up. I answered all the questions honestly (that was so stupid of me of course) like how we could not help but spend night when we met coz we are still in love with each other although we broke up already etc. And she asked me questions about Lucy and I said “yes I know Lucy had a crush on my bf when he and I are together but my bf ended her coz he has a gf who is me” etc (which was a true story). I know.. I know there is no one who is stupider than me. And you know what Anna did? Anna sent those voicemails (I didn’t know she recorded our conversation) to Lucy and her other friends, and Lucy sent that to my ex-bf. So since he is a celebrity he was so angry at me thinking I said all those words purposely to make his name bad. And Lucy’s name too. Only then I found out he was also kinda seeing Lucy while sleeping with me after breakup. I am so embarrassed and ashamed to find out that my ex-bf heard all the things I said over the phone (nothing bad about him though. All truth like we been sleeping together even after breakup etc). Now he thinks very low of me and I hate this feeling. He called me and said he heard everything, he will never stay with me like that again and how he can’t believe that I said those things to other people and how he thinks low of me. And he said that he likes Lucy. He said I’ve got nothing to do with he sleeping/seeing other girls coz we already broke up. But emotions are there so of course I cared and worried. And I am very unstable so I cannot really control my emotions and words so it happened. I am now very embarrassed, ashamed, regret, down and depressed. I don’t know how to be a good term with him again. I think he and Lucy are together now. I don’t know for sure but I think its true. I apologized him hard, promised him that I will never do it again, he said that he can forgive me but he will never be with me again. He had a high opinion of me in past now its completely different. I want him back. I do. I know I make a terrible mistake and i regret it so bad. I will never trust other people again. Please help me. I need to turn this situation back.. I know I did a terrible mistake but please tell me how can I change it back to a good term.. please. please.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 23, 2020 at 5:01 pm

Hi Elizabeth, so from what you have told me here I wouldn’t worry too much about him thinking of you in a good term, as he is the bad guy he has taken advantage of you and this Lucy and played with both your emotions. Also please don’t feed his ego by referring to him as a celebrity status. He is mere mortal just as you and I are…

Tiff

February 14, 2020 at 4:33 pm

We dated for 8 months. We were best friends, our friend groups became one group, and we went on group vacations, we were attached at the hip. But almost every month, like clockwork, he had a ‘hot and cold’ moment.. sometimes it would end it us breaking up for a day and then talking about it and him realizing it’s a mistake. He’s been extremely hurt in the past and has since shielded himself. I’ve been the first person to break through it. I then got accepted at uni outside of our city, five hours away, and it caused a lot of tension. We started having a lot of fights, constantly because he wasn’t consistent and I was set on wanting a committed relationship .
He then broke up with me. That was a month and a half ago. Since then, we’ve been best friends, still acting like a couple. A lot less fighting, but a lot of the same codependency..
Before I left for uni he started acting different, and I just forgave him for it. At this point, when I left, I wanted to initiate no contact. The day after I wanted to initiate it, I found out that I was infact pregnant and had a miscarriage, in a restaurant, at the first day of uni.
I am absolutely traumatized.. I’ve had such a huge amount of emotions in me. And I didn’t feel like he was supportive of me, he kept telling me to “not jump to conclusions” instead of being kind and compassionate. Once I told him how I felt he blew up and told me he was done with me, and that he wants to put the friendship on hold.
The day after that, I actually got confirmation that I was indeed pregnant. I called him and told him, and we had a peaceful conversation, despite him deciding that he isn’t capable of being there for me right now, and he wants to deal with this alone. And that in “a month or two” we will talk.
I agreed to this, but then found out I might have to go to hospital, which means telling my parents. So I reached out to him because this is the exception to the rule of “no space” . It’s his responsibility. He then blew up on me again and told me he’s sticking to his space , then saying “I will continue to pray for you, but this is goodbye. “. I’m absolutely shattered. Should I just deal with this myself knowing that it’s not fair and leave him to have his space ? Is there any chance he will realize that he’s not handling this the right way?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 22, 2020 at 11:26 pm

Hi Tiff, I think this is an indication to the type of man he really is and the fact he does not want to share responsibility in something that you both created. I would decide what you want to do regarding your parents, but I am going to hope you get the support from them if you do speak with them. If not choose a friend you trust to come with you as you are going to want to have emotional support during this time

Moriel

January 30, 2020 at 3:28 pm

My ex and I were together for a year and a half. We recently broke up because he found old messages from my old phone between me and a male friend that he knew about but that I ended up cutting out of my life anyway. He chose to view the messages in an extremely negative way and thought I met up with him behind his back and possibly did even more than that. He cursed me out, didn’t even give me the chance to tell him that these messages were not even speaking about a time in which I was in the relationship, told me he never wanted anything to do with me again, to forget him, that he hates me and that I am disgusting. I fear that he is going to be set in this mindset and not give me the benefit of the doubt ever. I am scared that when he starts to miss me he is just going to think of me like this. Im scared that he is actually never going to come back. I have no way of reversing this and I am just so scared, it is literally consuming me. Any advice??

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 8, 2020 at 4:34 pm

Hey Moriel… So he has jumped to conclusions that this was recent conversation or that you were together. If I was you I would allow him time to calm down as right now his anger is going to take over anything else and make him dig his feet deeper in his decision to leave you while angry. Go into No contact and make sure you avoid contact with the male in question during this time and going forward if you want your ex back

Felicia

January 23, 2020 at 2:18 pm

Hello,
So my ex and I had been dating almost exactly nine months. About two weeks ago was the last time I saw him and he told me he wanted to marry me. He had told me this before and had put so much emphasis on how sure he was of me and our future. I had reciprocated this feeling to him. He would tell his brother, his uncle, he would always express how much he loved me and I thought things were awesome. The next day we got into s fight over text basically i had made a joking comment that he was “sleeping with someone else” and that’s why he was “tired” that night (in reality i know he wasn’t). He told me to stop pushing and digging and trying to get in a fight over the comment but honestly i wouldn’t. The fight grew more intense and he said he needed some space…and i struggled to give It to him. At first he said he just wanted to spend the day with his brother but i just kept pestering and I’m ashamed of doing It. Eventually After the next few days we were barely talking and then we decided to see each other and we were “working things out”. Fast forward almost two weeks later and we are officially broken up. He says he is so happy without me, that i was the greatest amount of toxicity in his life. He still was in contact with me though that day and before. He even called me and asked me to fall asleep with him on the phone. I asked him to please come get his stuff from my house and to let me have mine but he hasn’t done It yet and it’s been about a week since I asked. He claims he’s “been busy”. Last night after he let me know that i was toxic I messaged him saying i would like to take some time to myself to process my emotions. This was me initiating my no contact. He won’t really tell me what went wrong only that “things change” “some things can’t be fixed” and he did want to marry me until he realized i was a “piece of s***” so i guess he realized that in 24 hours. I think the problem was my insecurities and also not letting him have his space. I’m just so confused as to how things could change in 24 hours.
Ange

December 16, 2019 at 8:20 pm

We were dating for four months. It got intense quickly as we knew each other previously he pursued me for over a year and was really good. I met his children, friends and Dad, we made plans for the future. His divorce started to go through and things got busy he started to say he wasnt sure about a relationship and needed time. Which I gave him, I went no contact for 2 weeks but saw him at work twice a week. Then I saw him at a party I was drunk and as we hadnt had a face to face I spoke to him he said he didnt want a relationship with anyone and wanted to focus on him and the kids but said we we had and what we were was amazing.
I left upset and gave another 2 weeks no contact but again saw him a couple of times at work. Again another party, last week. I said goodbye as now away from work for three weeks. He again said he didnt want a relationship and I said well if you dont want one with me by now even if you’re having a difficult time then you probably dont want one with me enough, he said yes you’re probably right. One of his friends wouldnt let him talk to me and I got a bit cross with that and left the party. I told him I had fallen in love with him by text after and I hoped we could be friends and wished him the best (both mistakes) he didnt respond.
Obviously not contacting him and I wont see him now for 3 weeks.
I’m very confused as what we had was so good and he says he felt feelings too at the first party.
This has been dragged out I feel for a couple of months now but I miss him terribly.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 17, 2019 at 12:03 am

Hi Ange, so you are doing the right things by going into no contact now but make sure you stick with it for 30 days. While doing no contact read about the Ungettable Girl and apply that to your life. When a guy says he is not ready for a relationship but has feelings for you, basically he doesnt feel invested enough so start dating casually – dont go looking to make him jealous but because you work together word will get around that you are dating and he will then realise you are desirable to other men and he has competition. Read as many articles that apply to your situation on this website and apply the information to your situation to give yourself your best chance

Ytzel

December 12, 2019 at 3:37 pm

We had been dating over a year. I finally felt comfortable in being totally honest with him, and during one of our conversations I let him know that I wanted kids and an “accident” wouldn’t necessarily be the end of the world to me. He had always been very careful about that. He started insisting that I was trying to trap him and his demeanor towards me changed. I have to admit, I did get very emotional and tried to explain that those were not my intentions. I just wanted him to know where I stand, but respected whatever his choice was. He started being very cold to me and eventually, after two weeks, we broke up. I know this is a big relationship foundational topic, and it should probably be a red flag. Something tells me that had he really cared, he’d hear me out and we could work through this. But I feel like there had been a lot of chemistry between us, I really like him, and I want us to work through this misunderstanding. This I week 3 nc.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 15, 2019 at 8:47 pm

Hi Ytzel so what you have to understand with the situation is you have scared your guy, thinking that children are on your mind in the near future. You had only been dating a year this is not a fully committed relationship where you had been living together and built a solid foundation to bring a child into the situation, after your no contact you need to treat this as if you are talking to someone new and getting to know them, the advantage now is that you know he is not looking to have a child any time soon

Em

December 2, 2019 at 3:11 pm

My ex broke up with me and then started dating a friend on mine. We had a bit of an “on again/off again” relationship for the 7 months that we broke up. Come to the 8th month he starts accusing me of harassment and abuse. However I am not doing any of those things. I suspect it was the girl he was dating or someone else trying to keep him away from me. He called the cops and but they said they didn’t have any probable cause to do anything. I don’t know what to do. I do know leaving him alone is the best course of action, but how do I prove I’m innocent?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 4, 2019 at 9:04 pm

Hi Em, so this is difficult but to prove your innocence, rise above it and ignore him. Leave him alone and do not reach out to him. For it to get to this point it is toxic and the best thing to do is distance yourself and remain in a No Contact

kristen

November 30, 2019 at 5:37 pm

My ex boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. We dated for 9 months and he come on very strong. He told me he loved me 3 months into dating and after a few more months said I’m someone he would wanna marry. He’s a freshman in college and I’m a senior in highschool so we had to do long distance (1 hour). We did that from this August-October but I could only see him maybe 2-3x a month. We got into an argument bc he was w some girl he met a week beforehand and this girl baked him a cake and food after knowing him for a week. I was mad bc I didn’t like the fact that she liked him but he thought that I didn’t trust him. It was all a miscommunication but about a week later he broke up w me “bc of the distance and not having time for a girlfriend”. And a couple days before he broke up w me he was talking about spending Christmas together and wanting me to work at the same place as him next summer. He was planning a trip outside the country w me and everything too. So the fact that he was saying that stuff and said that he was “losing feelings for about a month” is weird to me.
So then a week later I see him and that girl he was w that one night on Instagram together hiking. I thought they could be talking but didn’t think anything of it till he commented something on her next post that gave vibes. So about a week later I found out they were officially dating. It feels so crappy that he told me this girl and him were just friends and lit got mad at me for that and then goes and dates her after saying he doesn’t have time for a girlfriend too. So I was pissed and posted my emotions on my private Instagram. I blocked him and his friends so they couldn’t see it. But if someone sent it to him and he texted me PISSED off. He’s a really nice and chill guy but he was cussing at me and saying that I need to get “a f*cking grip. Just because I’ve moved on doesn’t mean you can lie to make yourself feel better”. But the thing is I didn’t even trash him or say anything that bad about him I was literally stating the facts but he got sooo offended it’s crazy. And he doesn’t even want to be friends at the point because “I keep putting him down”, when this was the first time I said anything negative about him. I know I shouldn’t have posted it but I apologized for it and then when I said sorry he kept on coming at me and cussing at me (over text). Then his girlfriend comes into my insta and starts being petty and immature after he called me immature. And another thing to add is that he’s searching me up to see my Instagram story when he doesn’t follow me anymore (so he’s stalking my social media).

And this all has happened all in a month after we broke up. I still want to eventually after a long time be friends w him bc I genuinely believe that he’s a good guy. I know that I don’t need to contact him for months but it’s hard knowing that he probably doesn’t care about me anymore and that we will never be on good terms or friends. I don’t wanna lose him as a person. Thoughts?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 4, 2019 at 8:15 pm

Hi Kristen, so the girl has essentially done the being there method on you and your ex and it worked. Because how you shown insecurity and threat. And now they are seeing you as a common enemy. So just ignore the pair of them eventually he will get over things and see you were just hurt and upset. You will have his friendship back eventually but you need to go into no contact for now and not post anything emotional online it is seen as a childs game for attention

Miranda

November 17, 2019 at 7:11 pm

My boyfriend and I only dated for about 4 months. He grew more jealous and distant, and I as a result grew more anxious and needy. He left me through text while I was away in another country simply because I asked him what he did the night prior (he went out for drinks with an old friend, her bf, and her coworkers). This set him off and he decided I was needy and jealous & that he would rather be alone and focus on his own things. He also ended up moving back to his family home in Florida. He never acknowledged his jealousy or his avoidant behaviors or apologized. He refused to see me or speak on the phone. Come to find out, a week or two after he slept with someone. This set me off and I told him a lot of regretful things out of anger, confusion and hurt. Initially he always told me he was in it for the long run and just seemed like he overreacted with leaving when I asked him a simple question. Anyway, we both have each other blocked on social media. I know he is angry and there is no way to speak to him. I have failed miserably at no contact. I am scared it is too late and he will always be disappointed and angry with me. It has been a little over 1 month since he broke up with me.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 23, 2019 at 11:14 am

Hi Miranda you need to spend some time considering if you are able to deal with what comes with a long distance relationship. During that time you can work on yourself to become the best version of yourself so that you do not feel insecure or jealous of him spending time with friends when you live far apart. If you want to get him back you are going to have to learn how to be Ungettable and making sure you post the appropriate things that he is going to notice and make him want to talk to you

xandria

September 19, 2019 at 5:52 pm

We had a bad break up. I lied a lot about small things, he found out the lies and said he can’t trust anything I say. I want him back desperately we share a child.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 21, 2019 at 2:49 pm

Hi Xandria, you need to complete a LNC to let him get over the upset and then start talking again. Read the materials and work on how to gain his trust back. There is plenty of information on the website to help with all of this 🙂

Samantha

August 25, 2019 at 1:43 pm

My ex boyfriend and I were together for one year but two weeks after our anniversary I broke up with him.

Our relationship had two years of friendship and emotional bonding before actually dating. The first year of dating was long distance while he went to college. We visited each other every few months and it was a great year. He made me homemade gifts and kept in touch every week. We had a few communications issues but we ended working through them. In April he started to act differently the week he had finals. We he returned home he stated he doesn’t know if he could do college and have a relationship at the same time. Which i felt was weird because I could leave him alone for days with no contact for him to focus on school.

He asked his mother for advice and she said to break up with me. We told her earlier in the year that I would be moving to his state (while in school). I thought she seemed supportive and liked me but my ex always keep things from her until months later.

We went to a wedding together in early May and it was great. We talked the next day and I told him, I will let him go or we can be more casual. He stated he would like to be more casual but he already told his mom we broke up. We didn’t contact each other until early June where I told him I was putting down my dog. We had our one and only date – with him saying goodbye to my dog with going on a walk then having dinner. He talked about going canoeing with his friends and camping etc. all stuff I wanted to do with him and what I wanted to do this summer. He did contact me after I posted on Snapchat I put down my dog. But he wasn’t there for me. A total opposite from September where he drove 10 hours to be there for me to meet my dad after 20 years just to stay 24 hours to drive another 10 hours. A week later he didn’t celebrate our 1 year anniversary. Two weeks later I ended it do to him taking my waiting and being casual for granted. He said he agreed and apologize for approaching the relationship badly. He said this was our first try dating and to keep in touch. I told him I won’t be staying in touch and I will be moving forward.

A month later I got an envelope with money – from tickets I bought that were delivered to him for an event we were suppose to attend. With writing on it stating “I hope our paths cross again”. I contacted him saying if we can go through the tough times now then we can’t later. He stated he can’t have a relationship now but would like to meet again. I tried to get a date but he didn’t lock one down. So instead I wrote a letter about about everything he did right Then how to started to treat me differently in April. I told him this was good for good; not for now or not until school is done but for good. Not because I didn’t love him .. because he wouldn’t let me. I removed his family, friends, and him on all social media.

That has now been a month since is done all of that. He hasn’t contacted me at all. I’m not sure if he even received the letter since he lives with his parents. I want to have a relationship with him but I feel it should be him coming to me since he took me for granted. Please give me some advice. He is back in school starting today which brings it back to more distance.
Dana

July 21, 2019 at 1:25 am

My ex and I broke up about a year and a half ago, but decided to remain friends. Throughout the friendship, there had been ups and downs, but we both loved spending time with each other. About a week ago, after some consistent downs, he told me that he didn’t want to be friends anymore. Neither of us were the most graceful during that event, but after some conversation, we were on good terms. The next day, we were back to talking. Not as much or in the same ways, but talking none the less.

We would check in with one another, keep the other one updated on jobs, life, family, etc. Things were good. They were going so well that, after about a week of not seeing each other, we decided to meet up and go for a walk. We had a nice time, and decided to hang out the next day as well.

This next day went really well in the first half. We decided that we really did want to have each other in our lives, and that we would rather see one another less often, but have a great time, than more often and not have as much fun.

We were on our way to get food, and things were going great. I thought I had gotten my best friend back. Then I played a song that I had found a couple days earlier, that I wanted to show him. The song happened to be about two people that were going through a rough patch, but the reason I showed it to him was because sharing music with each other was something we’d always done.

He heard the song, and about half way through said to me “Why are you passively attacking me with this?” He said I was playing games and not telling him how I feel, but trying to give him a message through playing the music.

I wasn’t intending anything, but he thought that I was trying to communicate something with him through the song. I told him I wasn’t, but he didn’t believe me.

Then the night spiraled. We started arguing about past issues and things that weren’t working. After a lot of crying from the both of us, emotions running high, and both of us hurting, he told me that he was done. He didn’t want to see me again, and didn’t want to be friends. He said he tried, but it wasn’t working.

Both of us have hurt each other in the past, but I do love him, and I know he loves me. I thought we could get through anything.

Currently, we aren’t speaking. Which is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. He owes me a bit of money, and there is a piece of mail for him being sent to my address, but he said he doesn’t want to hear from me unless it’s about that, and he will contact me when he will pay me back.

I’ve been more sad than I ever have been. It feels like my heart has been torn out of my chest. It feels worse than when we broke up. When we spent time together a few days ago, I was thinking “Yes! We’re friends again!” And then it just went away.

Our methods of contacting each other in the past included: snapchat, email, and phone. He has me blocked on snapchat, (which was our main app for communication. We mostly texted.) but not on email or phone. He had my unblocked on snapchat for a while yesterday, but then blocked me again, and said to just text him when his mail comes. I want so badly to ask him why he has me blocked on snapchat, but I know that will come across as needy, and that will just make things worse.

Overall I’m just really sad, and I want to call him and tell him that I meant nothing by playing that song, I miss him, and I don’t want to stop being friends, but I know that he wouldn’t respond well to that, and I know that sounds desperate.

I guess I’m writing to you on here because I want to know what you think about our chances of being friends again, and how you think I should go about this situation? It all feels very fragile, and I don’t want to do something that could end up hurting us if we have a chance at reconciliation. I miss him so much, and I love him beyond words.

Any advice will help.
Kay

May 26, 2019 at 7:09 pm

A guy I have been seeing on and off for 8 years came back into my life after a breakup last summer. This past year, me and him have become extremely close. Last fall he broke it off to be with another woman and because we didn’t see eye to eye on kids. I realized having my own kids wasn’t a deal breaker for me and love was. So we kept in contact per usual even while he was dating this woman (who was going through a divorce with her second husband). We would go back to each other every time things wouldn’t work out.

Well the last 3 months, he has gotten close with me more than ever before. We see each other every day, go on vacations, and I am around his kids nonstop, basically dating. No matter what he always had to answer her calls or texts, even if we were on a date. He started backing off the last two weeks and I questioned everything. He couldn’t give me straight answers on if he wanted me, would just say he really cared about me. He said I need to give him space and stop pressing for answers or what we were.
After not hearing from him for 48 hours, I drove by to see if she was at his house. Sure enough, she was, so I pulled in to confront him and get answers. He told me he took her and her kids in because she got kicked out of her husband’s house and has nowhere to go. It wasn’t what I thought but he wasn’t willing to talk to me. He told me to get off his property or he’d have the cops escort me out. Sure enough, the ex gf left with her kids, the cops came, and I left.

The ex had no idea we were that serious, he kept a lot from her. But I knew more than anyone about everything. This man is trying to make the ex gf’s husbands life a living hell and will do anything to do so. Am I crazy for wanting him back because I care for him and love his kids? After he called the cops to escort me off the property, would he really realize he made a mistake and reach out again? Would he ever want to make a real effort to date me? What do I do from here?

Mind you, I have been his support system for 8 years, his best friend, his partner in crime and so much more. I have done nothing to cross him and never acted crazy, until showing up last night. Everyone else has screwed him over non stop. He always said I was the sane one and the girl he should marry.
Danyaile

May 25, 2019 at 11:03 pm

My relationship ended about a month ago very badly, we had a fight over something I strongly felt about and he knew it but did it anyway. He moved out immediately that morning in a rage and we fought for about 4 days still, at first he acted like he understood and tried apologizing but I wasn’t ready to hear it. I said so much stuff I shouldn’t have out of angry and gave him my engagement ring back, he still continued to try and come home but I was still furious. Said more stuff I shouldn’t have, we went about a day no contact and I reached out to him after I had calmed down but the tables had now been turned, he slapped me the face with the wanting nothing to do with me anymore, its for the best and he would get a new gf just to prove it to me and he had traded in my ring to the jeweler. I had drove over furious and wanted my ring back since I never intended him having it forever, we had a huge argument in the driveway where he made it clear verbally thst he was done with me and my ring was no longer mine ans gone, that I caused all this and proceeded to call the police on me. So I left and immediately started no contact, he hasn’t even tried to contact me and its been 24 days, I was told my a mutual friend that he was seen at the races with a girl last saturday, 18 days into no contact but he was a mess. Hadn’t shaved in weeks etc, I didn’t message him about it continued on with no contact until last night, when I broke it. No contact at 24 days I messaged him about our sons who he has also not even attempts to ask about I’ll I said was “I know your not talking to me, but your son would like to see you,” That if you can find time he would like it.” “He text me back saying I don’t hate you your my kids mother, but I think this is whats for the best for us and the boys, that He would love to take them tmrw if he can.” I’ll I responded with was “yes that will be fine” He said he’d text me in the morning and he did, “asked what time he could take the boys” at 10:15 a.m and then vanished from the planet
I responded with whenever you would like I just need to get them dressed and never responded, waited 2 hours and asked if he changed his mind. No response. Its now been 8 hours and I don’t know what to think, Im angry for my kid who I wish Hadn’t even told him his dad was going to come get him since he didnt. I think Im going to go straight back into no contact and hope he never texts me for being a lousy father. Any thoughts anyone?
maggie

May 19, 2019 at 4:41 pm

my ex and i broke up 2 months ago, but for a month and a half after we were still talking and hooking up. we were basically off and on. then things got really bad when my mom had to get involved in the things he was saying towards me. we were together for a year and a half. after parents got involved we cut things off. then i found out i thought i was pregnant. things happened and my parents didnt want him to be apart of the pregnancy so they told his mom that i lied about being pregnant, which isnt true. thankfully im not pregnant but he thinks i lied. he also has a knew girlfriend who is also one of my really good friends. he’s given me all the clues that this is over but contines to be everywhere i go. he never leaves me alone and i am tired of it. i really hope me and him could get back together again but i am afraid to ask him. i wish he would just tell me that this is over for good. i dont know if i should just ask him or leave it alone.

Chris Seiter

May 19, 2019 at 9:27 pm

Sometimes these “new” girlfriends turn out to be rebounds or grass is greener girls. Consider my ex recovery Program (EBR PRO Bundle) as I think it could be of help. Sometimes making use of space and time can do a lot for both you and the future of the relationship.

Lindsey

May 11, 2019 at 10:02 pm

The breakup happened after I lashed out over a situation that made me uncomfortable. I had already had a previous conversation about this female that was showing interest in my boyfriend. I had talked to him and made in known I was uncomfortable about him being around her. Months go by and he travels to go to an event and I see a pic on social media of her and him. He had said those kinds of behaviors he can’t handle and broke up with me. We were together for almost 2 years. That wasn’t the only problem but the one that broke the camels back. The past two months have been up and down with communication and emotions. He knows ignoring me is my hot button and will say things that make me hopeful then disappear and when I call him out for ignoring he blames me for saying it’s disrespectful and rude. I’m not understanding why he can’t just be honest and say what he needs to or even attempt to have conversations. A man that was able to be honest now seems to be hiding behind his phone. It’s been a little over 2 months now and I will admit my emotions are still raw and I’m still pretty hurt because I feel like nothing has been dealt with or addressed. What would be the best option in moving forward if I do want us to salvage our relationship and start to rebuild the friendship?? What’s the best approach for a stubborn man??

Chris Seiter

May 11, 2019 at 10:52 pm

Hi Lindsey….so yes, there are a lot of stubborn guys out there. Its important you have time for your recovery and some giving each other space and time can be a step in the right direction. Take a look at my Ex Recover Bundle Program as it can help you with the entire strategy of it all.

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