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112 thoughts on “My Ex Has a New Girlfriend But Still Wants to Sleep With Me”

  1. Avatar

    Alexandra Allen

    March 7, 2018 at 9:27 pm

    1. Our relationship was great, so I thought we are married/legally separated now. Up until the last 2 years we were happy, had fun, laughed, were sexually active. Last 2 years he became very involved with work and I did with kids activities. I know we did not show each other the attention, appreciation and time we both needed.
    2. The break up, well he had an affair with a much younger girl, we decided to go to therapy and work on our marriage, well I did, he continued the affair behind my back, I moved him out of the house and into his mothers. That is where he decided to pursue that relationship. It was devastating to me and my kids.
    3. I have handled to break up not as well as I should, but have gone out on dates, been out with friends and spending time with the kids. He has continued with the younger girl but continues to text me daily including sexting a lot. We have seen each other once and were sexually actively for 2 days. He has set up a time for us to meet again while he is traveling for work. He states he wants me to be his mistress now and his girlfriend will be the main chick.
    So back story is he said he fell out of love with me and in love with her. She makes him happy but I make him happy and he doesn’t want to lose my relationship and also I am his best friend. She also lives in Out if the country while he lives in another state and I live in another state.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 11, 2018 at 8:56 am

      Hi Alexandra,

      You agreed to being his mistress?

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    Richa

    February 14, 2018 at 10:10 am

    My boyfriend of 2 and half years broke up with me in November saying he wants different things like friends with benefits. Since then he only contacts me when he is drunk and tells me he misses me and that he doesn’t want to lose me but then he starts the sexual talks. I’ve told him I cannot do this stuff if we are not together. I have been denying him since November but last week i swayed in as he said he misses me and my company a lot and might want us back and we ended up having a sex video chat. He has not contacted me since then.
    What should i do in order to get him back now. I am confused as to what is going on in his head, is he with someone else too or he want me

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 18, 2018 at 2:12 pm

      Hi Richa,

      He wants to be fwb and he got it.. He’s probably going to try it again.. Check this one:
      EBR 006: How To Turn Friends With Benefits Into A Relationship

  3. Avatar

    Na

    January 28, 2018 at 9:03 pm

    Nada nasraldeen
    Jan 26, 5:28 AM PST

    My ex broke up with me two months back i applied no contact rule we are working together and few days back i hear from his friends that he was crying and he is missing me i sent to him text that i remember this movie that we saw together he replied that he misses me we have talked twice at work he told me that he still missing me and loves me but he can’t be in a relationship we arranged a date to talk then he canceled our date and text me that he promises he will make me happy t… unfortunately i rushed my feelings and he text me that he can’t be in a relationship i was so angry and said that i don’t want him back and to forget me .. he read my messages with no reply .. We have talked 2days back he said that he is confused sometimes he feels he is in love with me sometimes he feels that he doesn’t want me back Ana. He knows that i’m so beautiful and any man would like to be with me but he can’t be with me as he isn’t sure of his feelings and he is afraid to leave me again.. I feel that he likes a girl with us in work I feel pain in my heart that if he. Entered this relationship and be with her every day infront of me please help

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 29, 2018 at 11:59 am

  4. Avatar

    Na

    January 28, 2018 at 9:02 pm

    Nada nasraldeen
    Jan 26, 5:28 AM PST

    My ex broke up with me two months back i applied no contact rule we are working together and few days back i hear from his friends that he was crying and he is missing me i sent to him text that i remember this movie that we saw together he replied that he misses me we have talked twice at work he told me that he still missing me and loves me but he can’t be in a relationship we arranged a date to talk then he canceled our date and text me that he promises he will make me happy t… unfortunately i rushed my feelings and he text me that he can’t be in a relationship i was so angry and said that i don’t want him back and to forget me .. he read my messages with no reply .. We have talked 2days back he said that he is confused sometimes he feels he is in love with me sometimes he feels that he doesn’t want me back Ana. He knows that i’m so beautiful and any man would like to be with me but he can’t be with me as he isn’t sure of his feelings and he is afraid to leave me again.. I feel that he likes a girl with us in work I feel pain in my heart that if he. Entered this relationship and be with her every day infront of me please help. Me

  5. Avatar

    Na

    January 28, 2018 at 9:00 pm

    Nada nasraldeen
    Jan 26, 5:28 AM PST

    My ex broke up with me two months back i applied no contact rule we are working together and few days back i hear from his friends that he was crying and he is missing me i sent to him text that i remember this movie that we saw together he replied that he misses me we have talked twice at work he told me that he still missing me and loves me but he can’t be in a relationship we arranged a date to talk then he canceled our date and text me that he promises he will make me happy t… unfortunately i rushed my feelings and he text me that he can’t be in a relationship i was so angry and said that i don’t want him back and to forget me .. he read my messages with no reply .. We have talked 2days back he said that he is confused sometimes he feels he is in love with me sometimes he feels that he doesn’t want me back Ana. He knows that i’m so beautiful and any man would like to be with me but he can’t be with me as he isn’t sure of his feelings and he is afraid to leave me again.. I feel that he likes a girl with us in work I feel pain in my heart that if he. Entered this relationship and be with her every day infront of me please help me

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 29, 2018 at 12:00 pm

  6. Avatar

    Melissa

    January 26, 2018 at 6:29 pm

    I dated a guy for 4 years instant fire works hit it off with his friends and family immediately but his friends would always compare me to his ex saying I was “better” that “I was just what he needed.” So the big scary shadow of his ex girlfriend followed me around everywhere from day 1 and created tension and arguments that should not have even been there he wasn’t actively talking to her or seeing her. After the countless times of him saying he was over her I always questioned him and started hating myself always asking “why aren’t I good enough” So much happened in the 4 years but we truly loved each other. We were great communicators, a good team and had great sex. I always said our good was fantastic but our bads were really bad. It was never consistent. I ended up getting sick and it a/effected my mood, demeanor and health. I was getting crazy (mostly because of my illness) and he left right when I needed him most right before my surgery. He immediately started to see someone new immediately made her his new girlfriend. It’s been a year since our breakup and for a solid 7 months we stopped speaking all together but recently we have been chatting and had a little phone sex. He has a girlfriend but he opens up to me about his life his problems and his girlfriend asks me for advice (not about his girlfriend but life, work family). I love him still and our breakup was very tough on me. I finally got in a good routine for myself I’m healthy working out seeing my friends more. What do I do!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 30, 2018 at 11:00 pm

      Hi Melissa,

      Start with stopping the phone sex and then saying that it’s not your thing and then do nc..

  7. Avatar

    kristi

    January 7, 2018 at 6:18 am

    Id love perspective on my situation. I Broke up with my ex. After a month went no contact for 50 days. I did more than 30 because I was seeing a therapist to improve my life and wanted to make sure I had changed. This was part of the reason I broke up with him. We started texting again (he initiated the texting), and also kept texting me throughout my no contact obviously I never replied. I didn’t want him back originally but after 40ish days of no contact I realized I did. After we starting texting again I noticed he had a new girlfriend from social media I found out. This is about 3 months after our breakup and its a girl who he knew previously. We still text. He mostly initiates, he says he misses me quite often. Is him saying he misses me just him being friendly? I also should add he did try and sleep with me. I said no, but we did kiss and I feel badly. Should I still continue to be there for him as a friend and tell him we can not be intimate. I’m not really sure where to go from here since that happened. Thx

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2018 at 8:43 pm

      Hi Kristi,

      You need to restart nc.. if he tried to sleep with you, then he probably said he missed you just to sleep with you..

  8. Avatar

    eva

    January 6, 2018 at 9:19 pm

    hello,
    my ex and I started talking again but he denied having a girlfriend. Even though we did have sexual conversations, we did not have sex and we got upset and blocked me from social media and whats up. how long should the no contact period last in such a case?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2018 at 5:58 pm

      Hi Eva,

      Actually he is clear.. He said he just wanted sex.. And when you kept contacting him he might have blocked you because he thought you ditched when he thought he was going to have what he wants and he’s trying to get back at you when he can see you’re chasing.. You can still try nc if you want, but that doesn’t mean he will change his mind.. And if he says that he just wants sex again after nc when you start building rapport, you should move on

  9. Avatar

    eva

    January 6, 2018 at 3:57 pm

    last month i started talking again with my ex (he has been in an off & on relationship for a year now & all this time we haven’t talked). His conversations now were purely sexual & made it clear that he only wants sex (He told me that he has no girl but he doesn’t know that i know).I agreed though i wasn’t sure. We arranged to meet but i canceled him coz i was sick, but when i asked him to meet he’d not respond. Then he’d text me to meet but it’ld not be convenient for me. One day he got angry at me for saying i had already made plans but i made it clear to him that since he only wants me for sex he couldn’t be my priority. after a week, he sent me to meet and when i said no, he blocked me from Facebook. Then i made the mistake to contact him & ask him to meet. He’d not respond and after some days he asked me to meet but i couldn’t make it & so after some days i saw that he blocked me from “whats up” as well. I thought it was weird blocking me after some days had passed & not as soon as i had sent no so I sent him a text message on his phone telling him to meet. He agreed and we even arranged time. He didn’t show up. Then the next day i sent him a message apologizing if i had sth that made him behave to me like that, told him it was for the best after all not having sex coz it’d mean sth for me (i have to add that my ex & I have never had sex) & that i keep only the good memories from him and said goodbye. I just don’t understand why can someone can behave like this. I don’t know if I want to be with him again even though i do miss him and have feelings with home but i would want to meet him and talk with him and make things clear.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2018 at 5:57 pm

      Hi Eva,

      Actually he is clear.. He said he just wanted sex.. And when you kept contacting him he might have blocked you because he thought you ditched when he thought he was going to have what he wants and he’s trying to get back at you when he can see you’re chasing.. You can still try nc if you want, but that doesn’t mean he will change his mind.. And if he says that he just wants sex again after nc when you start building rapport, you should move on

  10. Avatar

    AnnaCatherine

    December 16, 2017 at 8:06 pm

    My ex broke up with me to go back to his ex. It was a shock to me and he’s the only person I’ve ever loved. We had an amazing connection and we were best friends as well. We still had contact for 7 months after the break up. The contact was daily, about three times a day. I noticed it was mostly on my part so I initiated NC. After that I started talking to him again – using the guidebook of this site. I noticed he warmed up to me. I’m very happy with this result! After about tho weeks the flirting intensified. He told me he regretted the way things ended and that he still thinks about me a lot. I didn’t give in to emotions and kept things casual. He then told me a few days after he had problems with his girlfriend. I wished him goodluck. Now we’re at a point that we flirt and talk about sex, but I keep it veeeery subtle. I never straightforward tell him I want to sleep with him, I never talk about body parts in an explicit way and I always leave the convo soon. I make sure I send a meme or a joke the day after to lighten the mood again. I think the next step is building emotional bonds – like asking about work or family. He does do this from time to time. But I think it needs to be more frequent because I’m afraid otherwise I’m seen as a sidechick, or the FWB. Should I keep building rapport or should I first start backing off a little again – say a week or two distance?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2017 at 5:37 pm

      Hi AnnaCatherine,

      how long have you been building rapport?

  11. Avatar

    Anna

    December 5, 2017 at 8:01 am

    My ex boyfriend and I have been separated for almost 2yrs. We were together for 3yrs and we have a 3yr old son. Lots of things have happened. When we barely separated he got with someone almost a month after we broke up. I did all of the breakup sins, I begged, and went crazy jealous on his new gf. Then I just stopped and moved on. When he found out I was dating he started looking for me again and we had an affair. I ended it by telling his gf everything and well that just backfired. He chose her and my new relationship ended. This was in the 1st year of our breakup. Then I started to better myself, I started guarding myself and being unemotional with him. We would only speak to each other when it was about our son. Then he started little by little looking for me again. Asking me very bluntly for sex. Amazingly I’ve said no! I have not slept with him since I ended it last year and he’s been insisting for 7 months. I tease him (I know I shouldn’t), but I get a little kick out of it. Then I go and tell him no it’s not worth it. Btw he’s still with the same girl. I tell him to thank her for me for being good to my son. He tries to deny he still with her but our son tells me that she goes out with them. We do get along better now, we don’t argue, we praise and help each other on our parenting and we laugh or make fun each other like friends. Lately, I don’t give him the time of day because he’s been more pushy on the sex subject. I know better now not to sleep with him, but he does look for me on other matters other than sex. Says he cares for me because I’m the mother of his son, but still see him with his gf like if they’re in a good standing relationship. I know I’m doing the right thing and do distance myself when I start getting emotional. Is after all this a chance that my ex and I could even get back together? I have a small hope deep down but I’m a big girl. Gone through so much, I can take the answer as brutal as it may be. 😉

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 8:28 pm

      Hi Anna,

      that’s good that you didn’t sleep with him.. If he’s really serious, he wouldn’t see the girl anymore..

  12. Avatar

    Ana Pimenta

    November 22, 2017 at 7:20 pm

    What do you think I should tell him I’m completely lost and afraid to make things worst. It’s been 2 weeks of no contact and of course after what I told him he didn’t tried to reach either. Please help

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2017 at 11:30 am

      Just apologize sincerely..he doesn’t have to reply to it.. You’re doing it for you, so you can have a clean slate before nc

  13. Avatar

    Ana Pimenta

    November 14, 2017 at 6:17 pm

    Thank you Amor for your reply do you think I should wait for the time to heal all this anger and regret or should I unblock him and apologise

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 1:36 am

      yup, you should unblock and him, explain and then give a sincere apology.. if he accepts it but that doesn’t mention he wants to get back together, start the nc rule.. if he doesn’t accept it, start the nc rule..

  14. Avatar

    Georgina Hooper

    November 13, 2017 at 10:33 am

    Hi, feel a bit silly commenting but would love an outsiders perspective on my current situation.

    my ex and I were together for 4.5years, we are like chalk and cheese on most subject matters but completely in sync On sa weird deep emotional level it’s like he is my mirror.; Every now and again I’d question whether we were compatible to make it long term; he doesn’t socialise and I love to, he hates drinking and I do not, I have this existential fear ever few months that makes me want to travel and explore but am to broke/lazy to and he is quite happy sitting in front of the TV/o the computer etc. After gaining some more confidence this year after losing weight and changing jobs to one where I can have more of s work life balance I stated socialising more. In August I questioned everything about our relationship with him in quite an explosive way and knocked him for six. I really didn’t know what I wanted as I felt like my life was just passing me by and I wasn’t doing anything fulfilling. im about to turn 30 and I had a MASSIVE freak out. I then had to go to away for s few weekends and he gave me some time to work out what I wanted. I chose him, I realised that it was my new job and myself that was the root cause of the freak out not our relationship. As I was doing that he decided he didn’t want to be with me anymore as we are so incompatible and want different goals in life (though couldn’t tell me what goals he wanted and how they were different from mine) and then all of s sudden claimed he didn’t think he loved me anymore. This happened around September and we have a break but we’re still living together.. Beginning of October we said we would give it s try for a few weeks again. He said he was onboard but I got really ill so couldn’t do anything and he just wasn’t engaged in the relationship and was always on his phone. I Got angry and he disappeared back into the spare rooms. I have since found out that he met a girl from work and was talking to her during this whole process (from after my initial freak out in August NOT before) and they get along well and have things in common. He has decided he wants to be with her not me. I am still living with him ATM as I had no where to go nor did he, I’ve now finally found s place and am moving in 2 weeks. He has lied to me about her initially and when I found out he said he didn’t want to hurt my feelings- I do believe he has been finding this whole thing difficult but he still lied despite me asking if someone else was involved. I believe the plan is to move her in to the flat when I have left – she has recently been married and is leaving her husband for him because she was unhappy and he makes her happy supposedly. (I feel like I should be on a TVdrama…you just can’t write this stuff) everything is screaming rebound and that he is acting like a moron due to the hurt I caused initially.

    We have still been having sex as I can’t help myself around him and living together is extremely hard. I also can’t help but talk to him about how I am feeling etc (I know this is a breakup sin but he was my best friend for 4.5yrs and I shared everything with him and it’s hard to not) I think he still does love me, deep down, but has thrown himself into something else because I hurt him so badly and he has convinced himself we should no longer work. (He is the kind of person that is stubborn enough to not follow how he feels if his head says differently) I know there are things we need to work on – to move forward together but Am I just kidding myself?

    I’ve questioned whether I want him back because I can’t have him now, because, after all I questioned things to begin with, but truth be told- despite all of this crap that’s happened and all of the differences we have, I love him, I cant help it. Even when we argue we can make each other laugh half way through and he mirrors me perfectly, as I do him when we are on the same page… he grounds me and I push him out of his comfort zone to try more things.
    He still wants to be friends, and for me to be in his daughters life- we can still have fun and laugh together as we have over the last few weeks in between the crap- I’ve almost normalised and trivialised his new GF though it is killing me to watch him chase after her and have a ‘honeymoon’ period with her. I’m pretty sure if he focused that attention in me we could rekindle everything and start again and be happy. Is that stupid? Would it be possible?
    As you can tell; I’ve not even started the recovery programme as have only just come across it.

    Before I launch myself into a ‘get him back’ mission I thought I’d ask for your thoughts on the above….it’s a horrible mess and I’m not sure if it is redeemable.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 17, 2017 at 7:49 pm

      Hi Georgina,

      Take time for yourself first.. You’re not together anymore, aside from the fact that you’re now friends with benefits, asking for you to still be a part of his children’s life is too big of an ask.. .

  15. Avatar

    Ana Pimenta

    November 11, 2017 at 3:33 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago. We’ve been in an on and off relationship. He is the one who always break up and I never beg, call etc… but I’ve always accept him back. We slept together once after the break up but I found out that he took another girl for dinner just 3 days after that. So I was and I am really mad and I’ve told him what I saw, some pictures of them and then because I wanted him to feel pain I told him that I didn’t feel the same last time we were together that I was seeing someone else that I didn’t want to talk to him ever again and then I block him from all the social media. But now I feel but that I hurt him on purpose. Please help to clarify my mind and to ease this pain I’m feeling

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 13, 2017 at 1:21 am

      Hi Ana,

      I’m sorry, I’m confused. Are you asking if you did the right thing by lying to him? If that’s it, honestly no but I can’t blame you. You acted out of emotion.

  16. Avatar

    Katie

    November 10, 2017 at 10:13 pm

    But would it be fine of none us manages to come sooner and we see each other in 8 months? He has a lot of growing up to do, also he’s very guarded and I was a control freak at the end of our relationship so I thought maybe it would be good to give him this time…

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 13, 2017 at 12:55 am

      it’s not a guarantee.. You have to prepare yourself if you don’t get him because you can’t control other people.. That’s what standards are for because people rarely change.

  17. Avatar

    Kaye

    November 9, 2017 at 10:38 am

    I’ve been dating this guy starting April. He said that he just went out of a relationship and he left the girl because she’s too toxic and he felt too confined with her. On the first day of August while we were eating I said something that he said has offended him. He didn’t talk to me for a month. he ignored my messages so I had to apologize to him in person so by the end of August he took me back. We went back to normal until one day last October I received a call from a girl I don’t know and she claims to be the girlfriend of the guy I’m dating. She said that they’ve been together for 4 years already. But Last March they broke up and only got back together in the middle of August (the time when we were not talking because of the fight). So it means that me and that guy continued dating from September to October, he was already taken but he never once mentioned to me so I assumed that he was single. I feel so awful because I became a mistress but I didn’t even know that girl existed because they are in a LDR. I feel bad for being lied to and for becoming a third party but I still want him back. I don’t know what to do because I am a disadvantage. The girl I’m competing to has been with this guy for 4 years while I only dated him for a few months. Our relationship was pretty good. We go to the same university and we always hang out and talk. Now I’m in a NC for 21 days already. I don’t know what to do next. Help please. Thanks

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2017 at 8:38 pm

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    Kaye

    November 9, 2017 at 9:50 am

    We’ve been dating for 4 months. From April to July. Then had a huge fight so the whole month of August when we werent talking. I told him somwthing that he said hurt his ego that’s why the fight was my fault. When we started dating he just went out of a relationship and he left the girl because he said that she’s too toxic and he felt too confined. I did everything to apologize to him so by the end of August he took me back and we dated again until middle of October. One night I just received a call from a girl claiming that the guy I’m dating is her boyfriend and they’re together for 4 years already. She said they just broke up last March but then got back together again in the middle of August ( the time when we were not talking because of the fight). I felt like I became a mistress because I continued dating a guy who was already taken and he never mentioned to me that he got back toget her with his long term gf (btw they’re LDR). I am so devastated and I feel lied to because of what he did to me. I never wanted to be a third party. I didn’t even know that gf existed. I went into NC and it’s been 21 days. I know I should feel this but I still want him back. Our relax was pretty good because we go to the same university, we always hang out and talk. He also introduced me to his friends. I am happy when I’m with him. He’s like my safe haven. I know I should not want him back but I do. Even after everything he did to me. But I don’t know what to do. Can I compete with a girl who knows him for 4 years already? While I’m just the “new” girl. Help me please. Thanks a lot

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2017 at 8:36 pm

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    Tiffany

    November 9, 2017 at 7:40 am

    We’ve been dating for 4 months. From April to August. When we started dating he just went out of a relationship and he left the girl because he said she was too toxic and he felt so confined. But when the first day of August came we had a huge fight and it was my fault so we didn’t talk for a whole month. I did everything to apologize to him and he took me back by the end of the month. September came and we were just like before until October. But then I received a phone call from his supposed gf of 4 years. I learned from her that she and the guy I’ve been dating broke up late March but got back together middle of August (the time that we weren’t okay). So I realized that I became a mistress because he was already taken but we were still dating from September to October. He never even mentioned that he got back with his long term gf (btw they are LDR). I felt so devastated I went NC with him for 21 days but I still want him back. I don’t know what to do.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2017 at 8:35 pm

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    Ashley

    November 9, 2017 at 7:07 am

    Hi..my boyfriend left me for cheating on him..he made it clear he doesn’t want me back but i do want him back..i have begged..i have been desperate and now i am blocked everywhere..i know its messed up beyond repair but i still want him back..i am not sure about him but he told me he has a girl..he would abuse me..call me a slut and threaten me if i continue disturbing him he would beat me..he hurt me with his harsh words and he would do it more wen he says how he would even give his ex a chance and not give me..he is angry at me because i cheated with his friend and he had given me 2 more chances before..so wen he made it clear we are over for good i tried other options and i started sexting another one of his friend again who happens to have a girlfriend and they are all friends with my ex..my ex knows i can’t change and its hard proving him wrong coz its beyond messed up..he will never trust me..he would lie to me but i know its because he hates me..from cheating thrice..and he tried giving me a chance at some point then it didn’t work out..he broke up with me again for not giving him time with his friends then we kinda stopped contacting each other but then he contacted me first..so after finding out i was sexting his friend he never texted me at all..i reached out and he was friendly until i told him i loved him still..it was better but it bacame worse and now i am blocked everywhere and he doesn’t want anything to do with me…i am currently doing no contact even though i know he will never love me like i do..what do i do..i am gonna do 3 months but i know he will never contact me..i was crazy enough to contact his other ex and i am jealous of her and every girl around him..all his friends hate me too and i feel unworthy..i av just done 12 days no contact but how can i even prove to him that i am sorry?please help me..

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2017 at 8:34 pm

      Hi Ashley,

      We don’t advise going back to an abusive relationship.. You need to get a therapist to help you move on.

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