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Chloe
September 14, 2016 at 4:03 pm
Me and my ex boyfriend were together for 2 years. He suddenly broke up with me because it was too much and we kept arguing. We never spoke for atleast two months and now we speak as friends. I know he speaks to other girls and it hurts me so much. He told me to wait for him in the future and whilst then he can do what he wants as he eventually wants to marry me. When we argue he blocks me of everything and says we will speak when I want to speak to you. It been 5 months since we broke up but I’m still heart broken. I don’t know what to do it’s like I haven’t even spoken to a guy since we have broken up but he’s spoken to many girls. He says wait for him in the future but if I even do anything with another guy he won’t be with me
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 17, 2016 at 2:21 pm
Hi Chloe,
So, you’re just going to wait for him? And he knows it? Can’t do anything, while he does everything he wants? That’s unfair. Don’t hand over your power to him.. First, it’s unhealthy. Second, it’s unattractive.. I think you should read this ones:
The Ungettable Girl
EBR 003: Does Having Your Own Life Help You Get Your Ex Back?
ann Golanec
September 10, 2016 at 8:13 am
Hello I met my ex online 2 years ago. He has been separated for 3 years and has 3 kids about 2 months ago he texted me he is not happy and loves me but not In love with me. Since then we have texted back and forth and now he is going through his divorce his ex has moved on. We have seen each other and talked and he says he cares he came to see me a couple of times and we have had sex which was always great and pleasing to both of us he keeps saying he doesn’t know what he wants and he is consumed with his divorce case one minute he texts me he misses me the other he ignores me and I don’t hear from him for days he says he wants to be friends with benefits he has always been honest with Me and even told me he slept with his best friend from out of town while we broke up he had not seen her for 28 years and paid to fly her in for a weekend when he never he said he never had money. I am very heart broken and I don’t know if I should give up on waiting for him he says his divorce is done in two months he keeps telling me to hang in there meanwhile he only reaches out to me when he wants to and its usually for sex. Help I don’t know what to do. Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 12, 2016 at 7:15 am
Hi Ann,
Do you want to keep being his friend with benefits or do the no contact rule?
Brandi
September 8, 2016 at 8:41 pm
Ok, so I have been with my ex for nearly 6 years. My children live with us. A month and a half ago we both got pretty intoxicated and I called the police, he was arrested on DV charges, BUT there was NO domestic Violence, I had a previous relationship for 8 years that was violent and I let my past emotions get the best of me during a fight and made a bad judgement call. He had a mandatory 7 day restraining order and could not return to his home. I know he was mad as I would have been also. I found a good attorney for him and had the lawyer contact him. He hired him. I failed to help the DA and I have helped his attorney. His attorney is proceeding to get the case dismissed. After a little over a week of him being home, I was on the phone in my car and was upset. He came out twice to see what I was doing. The second time he approached me and told me to get off the phone. That I could talk to other guys after I moved out. I told him that it was the care taker of the property from my deceased ex. He was jealous. I cried and told him there was no one else that I wanted but him and that I was doing everything I could do to help him. Eventually he tried to get me to come upstairs to the bedroom with him, but I did not. The next night he came and got me off the couch to go the the bed room and I was just a booty call. A few nights later I came to the room and stayed there for a week. Sex every night and talking about bills and stuff. Then the weekend came. I saw him having a beer outside with his buddies so I had one inside. He was nearly ignoring me all day. He came in and told me that I was not to drink, because he did not want me to get the way I was that night, when he was also part of the fight and he started the fight. I told him you had one, he said ya one that is all I had. So then he left to go some where. I texted him to see where he went and he called me yelling at me to leave for the weekend, just go away.
I stayed in my car until the middle of the night then returned inside on the couch. He has more than less ignored me ever since, except if I leave the house he calls, where are you, where did you go. The first time I told him that I needed to leave to be alone because I had to deal with my emotions and he yelled at me telling me to stop bringing drama into his house and hung up on me. The second time he called and said where are you, where did you go. I told him i just passed him on the road that I was on my way home that I had gone to the lake to walk. He said oh, you went for a walk. I said ya. I don’t think he believed me. He then asked if I was looking for a job or an apartment ( as I know he wants me gone) and I told him I can’t get an apt without a job and yes I have applied for a job. He says have they called I told him just took the assessment test yesterday I have not heard anything yet. Then he wanted to know where I had applied what company it was and the position. I asked him why and he said he just wanted to know. I said why and he said I will talk to you later and hung up. He does not want me here, and he wants me out, then why keep all the apology emails and cards I have given him since all this started and why in the world does it matter where I go when you are home and my kids are at school? I just don’t get it. After I told him I was on my way home he had to come back to the house before work for 2 minutes just to stand in the kitchen, why just to see if I was telling the truth?
Any insight to this mess. Why should it matter what I am doing?
Brandi
September 14, 2016 at 3:13 am
Ok so here is the update. I can’t move out until I have a decent paying job, I do have an interview thursday. I had sent him a text and told him that I wish I did not love him, he actually messaged back that he loves me too, but what do I want him to do after what I told him that night, (the beer incident night- when he yelled at me I told him maybe I should call the DA and hung up on him) I told him that I understood where he was coming from, but he yelled at me and made me hurt so I said the only thing I could that would hurt him back, and I apologized for my actions.
He is talking to me now, some, he woke me up yesterday to set some appointments for him, and I told him about my job interview and he said he hopes I get the job. I am still sleeping on the couch, and I still miss him. He only talks to me when he needs me to do something for him. I am hoping to get this job, but training won’t start until October 24 if I do get it, so I will still be in his house, where I have lived for 6 years. We held ourselves out as husband and wife. I want to be able to salvage our relationship and not move out. Yes, there is a power trip as he is from Mexico, but I knew that when we got together. He has a huge ego, but if he ever lets me back in again his ego mellows out. Just so confused as to what he wants.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 9, 2016 at 10:33 pm
Hi brandi,
I think it’s for the best that you move out because the relationship has been toxic already and so that you can heal and for him to have time to think. It’s like he’s power playing or too egoistic..
Krystal Spenc
September 6, 2016 at 12:37 am
My ex boyfriend and I were dating for half a year. He told me he loved me within this first month, I got a key to his house in the 2nd month, and we talked about the future constantly, he even proposed to me. I was a little skeptical because I felt it was going a little fast but around the 3rd or 4th month i fell in love. So that meant, I cared if he made it home safely, I took things he did to heart. The moment I had an issue with him I would tell him but it seemed he was annoyed by it and we would basically have an argument again because I felt he wasn’t listening to me. Anyway, the last time, I somewhat broke things off with him but it was more of me just walking away that day because I still loved him I just wanted him to understand. Anyways, I wanted to get back with him but he hinted at just being friends so what could I do. However, within this time, he would say things like he felt like I was the one that got away. I actually told him I wanted to be with him but he said that he couldn’t be with me because all he did was made me sad and he didn’t want to put me through that again. I couldn’t handle being just his friend because I still cared deeply so for almost a month I did the NC rule. Now we’re talking again but I’m back in that state where all I do us think of him and he actually gave me many examples of the ways he missed me. He constantly text me now, and he wants to do things with me. My question is “Does he want to be with me? Or is he just playing with me? I should add it isn’t about sex because he knows I’m saving myself for marriage and not once did he ever pressure me about it. And we’re both in our late 20s.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 7, 2016 at 4:34 am
HI Krystal,
let him say it. Go out if he invites you and make new memories, so that you can build more rapport and attraction. Just don’t be too available or become clingy later on.
shania
September 1, 2016 at 4:24 pm
ok so maybe you can help me because i have tried everything and i cant figure it out. my ex is being so confusing. when i dont text him he will text me. and normaly he will stop texting me for roughly 3 maybe 6 weeks then text me asking how im doing. and most of the time he just wants to be friends with benifits or when im dating someone else he kinda gets jealous. and so then when i think i have a chance he goes back and bes cold im really confused on what to do because i still love him heck he lets me rant to him. i dont know what to do please help me if you can
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 2, 2016 at 11:01 am
HI Shania,
he’s stringing you along.. He knows how much you like him so he’s using that against you. He knows how you can’t resist him.. When was the last time you talked? I think you should read this article too: The Ungettable Girl
June
September 1, 2016 at 1:27 pm
Hi Amor, it’s me again June.
Recently has been nerve wrecking again. He’s been doing a lot of misleading things.
1) he told my friend that he still loves me but doesn’t want to be in a relationship but the reasons that he gives are all bullshit, such as I’m richer than him and stuff.
2) on the other hand, he’s been going out with this girl friend almost everyday(they aren’t close when me and him are still together) he always says he has no time and always busy for dates, but now can go out with some other girls almost every night 🙂 I can’t even.
3) but when he talks to me, it’s as though he’s still interested in me so I feel like I’m being led on. One day I told him his Facebook profile picture isn’t really pleasing, the next day he changed it and when I wasn’t going to think too much about it. He came and asked me how does the photo looks now.
4) last week, we even matched in tinder… He liked me first. And we had a casual chat and now I saw he unmatched me on tinder. Ouch.
Idk I feel like I’m gonna lose my grip to him soon. How should I regain my power? Should I start another mini no contact? Will that help??
June
September 1, 2016 at 1:33 pm
And the way I know he’s been out with the same girl for almost every night is from snapchat. I did not stalk him purposely. That’s was last week. But now seems like he purposely” hide what he’s doing. I know he’s going out with someone but I don’t know who. And yes, it frustrates me to the max and how can I regain the “power” again
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 1, 2016 at 3:08 pm
HI june,
no need to start nc again now.. Just continue on being active in your life and in social media.. don’t be too available but make every conversation fun.
brokenhearted
July 22, 2016 at 2:30 am
My ex broke up with me after I discovered he was involved with someone else.He took no credit for his actions he blamed me and said that I was insecure. He did this via text it was very upsetting he has know me for 10 years and we dated for five .after 3 week he reached out to me to say he missed me and he made suggestion of us having sex.This didnt sit well with me so I told him I wasnt over him and that we never talked I hope that we could and sex was not a start to talk through what went wrong. He got upset and sent me pictures of his new girl .I have not contacted him since but he texts me pictures of himself along with I miss you and I wish you were here and I still love you .To add to the confusion he text yesterday asking to video chat and then asked I call him .I broke down and called he talked as if we were friends again .Im so confused and still hurt like why doesnt he leave me alone
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 22, 2016 at 7:31 pm
hi Broken hearted,
if you want to move on..just continue to ignore him.. he’s probably realizing that you’ve had it.. but if you want him back, take it slow.. don’t sleep with him until you’re back together.. stick to your standards
So Confused
July 19, 2016 at 7:45 pm
So I’m on day 17 of no contact with my ex boyfriend who broke up with me over the phone after a month of up and downs in the relationship. We were fighting once a week but still had great times in between all of that. It seemed like something wasn’t working and we took a break only to break up a couple days later a night AFTER we had sex and he asked me to leave the next morning because he was upset I came over a little inebriated the night before (not an excuse just saying it wasn’t completely innocent). I called him and told him I would need a break with no contact from him if I was to get to a healthy, non-needy, non-clingy stage again and he said that he would prefer to break up. He said he would call later that night to make sure I was OK after I started balling to him. He said he’d drive to my place the next day to say goodbye in person and exchange things. He never called, never came, nothing. I never texted him or called him after that and immediately began No Contact. I mailed his apartment key back to him (just the key in an envelope and that’s it). I didn’t hear from him until 8am 13 days into no contact with a text message that said “Hey”. I never responded as I felt after how he treated me he’d have to work a bit harder to get a conversation from me and I wanted to maintain no contact. I didn’t hear from him again and still haven’t. I know that he was leaving for a 2 week annual training for the army the next day so I was confused as to WHY he decided to text me that day (to get laid??) and then additionally WHY there was no follow up after no response. Am I not worth more of an effort? What gives? I could use ANY advice on what I should think about that right now.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 21, 2016 at 11:36 am
Hi so confused,
maybe he doesn’t know what to say.. right now, don’t think about too much on what he thinks..use this time to improve because if you focus too much that he thinks negatively, it would be hard to talk to him again
Tracie
July 15, 2016 at 6:04 pm
7/13
I was in a 15 year relationship and my bf broke up with me in Nov. 2015 but we still stayed in contact thru out all these 8 months. In the first 3 months or so we just talked texted and then the last 5 months we have been seeing each other a lot in fact I have been staying the night most of the weeks and about 6 weeks ago he decided to date someone so he brushed me off and only wanted me to go to his house and hang out when she wasn’t there it ended up she not really wanting to spend time with him so he stopped seeing her then I started up again staying pretty much most of the nights at his house and all of a sudden 2 weeks ago again he started dateing someone and now wants me to go hang out with him still cause she doesn’t want to hang out all the time. I can’t do this anymore so I took the few items he had still at my house back to him and told him 2 days ago I can’t be the person that fills the void when the person you are dateing and sleeping with is not with him and that I was still very much in love with him and its do hard for me to just be friends and hang out. So yesterday was the first day after I went and did that and I decided to start the no contact rule yesterday morning and he ended up texting me first thing in the morning to say “gm hope you have a great day at work” and I responded thank you you too…..then later in the afternoon he texted again and said “hope you having a good day” and because I didn’t text back right away he said it again and then I texted saying thank you, you too.
Then yesterday evening I broke down and texted him “just know I am not over you and I am very much deeply in love with you its just to hard to be friends” and he texted back and said “ok I understand would u wanna hang out tomorrow night” and I said “I do hope we get back together soon” then I said ” its her or me” and he said “Oh I cant do that like that t (t meaning tracie he calls me t for short) then he texted again and said “your still my friend always you said” “other wise I wont bother you I was just sayn hi” then I texted “I cant han out and be just friends and fill the days up for you when the person your dateing cant come over to be with you Todd ….I don’t know what you don’t understand I am in deep love w you and I am not over you at all never have been and I want to be back together with you its to hard for me to be just a friend when im in love w you and want to spend our lives together. I miss you every second of the day. You don’t bother me at all its just to hard for me cause I love you and want to be w you. I will love you and be your friend till the day I die and I pray we will be together again, just to hard for me. have a great evening, if you decide you want me you know were to find me. Then he said “ok thanks” and I said ” are you completely over me?” and he said “T don’t start this now” then I said ” I need to know will there ever be a possibility or no?” he said “yea In the future” I said “thanks” and he sent a smiley face I asked him if hes over me and he said “no im not” I said “thanks” and he said ” your welcome” and that was it.
PLEASE PLEASE let me know If I just need to start the no contact rule again today? which I am cause I know he still loves me we cried together day before yesterday when I finally brought his last few belongings to him and said I can’t do this anymore…it was a hour and a half of talking and both of us crying so much. I don’t know what to do other than the start again today no contact since I didn’t last the first day yesterday. Will this mess up my chances of getting back with him? PLEASE HELP ME FEEL BETTER thank you all and hope to hear from someone soon. – Tracie
Update: yesterday 7/14 i texted “im still your friend” (you got to understand he is very imature for a 40 yr old he still acts as if he is in highschool) he said “yes same here and 1 day i bet we will cross paths again” then i said i just can’t hang out cause im still in love w him and that this month would make 15 yr anniversary and on that day it will be hard and he texted ” yea it will” then i texted later ” if we ever were to get back together omg that day would be the most ultimate most incredible overwhelming 24hr love making passionate day in the history of our relationship. js then he texted back and said ” Dam t (he calls me by my firt initial of my name) it will happen again” then later last night he texted at 10-pm “what you doin t?” (mind you the girl he dates told him she doesnt want to hang out with him every day is what he told me when he first went out with her 2 weeks ago) and he texted with it ” im just here chillen” then i texted a hour later “resting” then he texted “me too watchn ghost busters lol” and i texted “cool” “ha” and that was it. Should i not respond at all? or just short responses? what do i do? He is going to get lonely cause she does not want to be with him everyday and he likes to have someone that will be with him every day. I don’t know if the no contact rule will work on him since he is so immature he probably would think like ” owell she’s not responding” and move forward although he still talks to my son and said to him day before yesterday ” im just living the single life it sucks” and asked him if we been to the gamerooms (that was to check up on me to see what we are doing. Please advise what i should do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 15, 2016 at 7:28 pm
Hi Tracie,
Truth serum: He has moved on..
He’s keeping you as a friend and maybe he’s still wants your company and he’s not fully let go because 15 years is not easy to change..
He’s been seeing other girls, while you’re basically friendzoned..
I know it hurts and it’s harsh because you wanted me to make you feel better.. but you can’t hold on to something that is already gone..
I’m not saying there’s not a chance..
There is but only if you really change..
if he said yeah, there’s a chance, it’s more probably that he’s just being safe with you..
but he’s not expecting you to move on and really move on and improve because you’ve made it clear that you’re crazy about him.. It’s not too late.. take that 15 years as good memories and let go of the bad ones but don’t hold on to the hope that you can continue on the same relationship.. this will be a restart and this time he has to work for you.
Click this links and read them because they will explain more what I”m trying to say and what you should do:
The ungettable girl
CHASE THEORY: HOW TO MAKE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND CHASE YOU AGAIN
Does having your own life help you get your ex back?
Melissa Diana
June 25, 2016 at 3:44 pm
Amor,
I’ve been talking this guy for a month and I like him a lot we hung out a few times he took me on a few dates and everything was fine the only thing was that I would always pick arguments with him and he started to get frustrated the last time we hung out we went to the movies and we went back to his place because I was unable to get into my house so he asked me if I wanted to spend the night and then I guess because I didn’t really want to do anything with him he kind of got frustrated because I did give him blue balls I ended up giving him a little bit of pleasure and he was being nice to me but that but then I stopped and he got upset so I had told him that I had to come home because my sister was blowing up my phone and he was just really upset about it so he brought me home and I feel like he was an only mad about that but he was just mad that I constantly argue with him and we both really don’t like the same things he said it’s because he does smoke weed and I don’t he drinks a lot more than I do but I think it’s more than that after them the day of the movies I did text him the same day and I asked him if we were still going to talk and he said he wanted to continue talking to me but he just needed some time to roll over and forget about that night because it was so stressful and I asked him if he was mad and he said no that he was just frustrated and a little bit disappointed he just kept asking me while telling me that he wanted some space not space but just time to rollover so basically asking for space but I failed at giving them space because I would still text him back every time he would text me and in hopes of the conversation changing and you know going back to at least a little bit of how it was with you has been it’s been about three weeks and we’re still not sure well I’m not sure what he wants I feel like he does respond to my text sometimes takes a day sometimes I don’t even give him a day I just text him again the next day and I do text him a lot of text so I think right now he’s just annoyed and frustrated I feel like I know what I’m doing and I’m just bombarding him with text when I shouldn’t because he’s just at the like he’s pushing away but then again he sends me these text that says I do want to talk to you but I just feel like we’re not meant for each other or were forcing the sometimes but But. Recently we did have a small conversation which was the longest we’ve had in a while which was about five text back-and-forth and he just told me that he wanted to continue talking to me and he wanted to see me but he was just right now he’s just focusing on himself and on his goals and I told him I said you know I want you to focus on your goals I want you to make that your priority I’m not asking to make me a priority at least your first priority and I told him I know that if it was me you would want me to focus on mine and I just said that I you know wanted to see him and then afterwords when he responded to my last text as I did answer like how he said he did tell me that we were both different people and that I wasn’t going to change because it’s been the same since the beginning I told him that I would I don’t know what exactly was talking about but I think he was talking about the way that you know we don’t like doing the same thing and I told him it’s all a balance only because I don’t like to smoke or drink as much doesn’t mean that were not meant for you tether and I told him more stuff and he did respond with you are right and you have really good points but I am just telling you my point of view because I told him that if he says that we’re forcing this one more time then I would just feel like he’s just making excuses and then I after he text me I did text him and I was like I want us to see each other because I miss that face of yours and then I text him again and I was like so what is it going to be and then I text him again and I delete the text messages so I don’t really remember but he didn’t respond to me and so yesterday I didn’t get a text from him and I text him around two in the afternoon and I asked and I told him I’m tired of playing these games can we see each other Monday and then I text him and I said I have an exam in the morning I hope we can see each other and he still has not responded so I don’t know what to do because I don’t know if he really wants to work things out or he’s just playing mind games with which I have read a few articles and it does list a few things that he’s done how he starts texting me back and then he just ghost on me and then I obviously text him but I want things to work out because I really do like him and I really just want your advice on what to do. I hope you to hear soon!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 28, 2016 at 11:20 am
Hi Melissa,
have you started active no contact now?
Monique
June 19, 2016 at 5:54 pm
Okay so I’m really in need of advice.. my ex and i broke up about three years ago. A year after that we got back together. Long story short, we had a son together.. we broke up in November last year. A month later he had a new girlfriend.. i was devastated to say the least.. we had MANY arguments. And during our relationship his mom blatantly said she hates me. My mom isn’t fond of him too for abandoning us. Eventually, i just left him alone. No contact unless it was about our son. Blocked him on all social media.. recently he contacted me. Told me that he wants his family back and doesn’t care what his mom says.. he said he wants to take things slow and be dating by this time next year andbe engaged in two years.. BUT he wants to take things slow. For a week he contacted me every day and we spoke about things that bothered us about when we were together before and sorted it out. But now, its like he’s completely cold. Not contacting or anything. He said he hasn’t changed his mind about us but he needs to take things slow. I understand our past relationship was awful but this slow.. no talking at all.. only small talk when he fetches or drops our son.. is that normal?? I feel so confused.. i almost became a text gnat but thankfully didn’t.. what do i do? Please help..
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 21, 2016 at 10:45 pm
Hi Monique,
start to be busy on improving yourself.. in that way he will see that you have a life of your own and not just waiting up on him
Genevieve
June 10, 2016 at 9:53 pm
I went through the 30 days of NC. After a couple back and forth texts (very short messages), he asked if I would be open to talking on the phone at some point. I said I would be open to that. Haven’t heard from him since. It’s been 3 days later. Any suggestions?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 16, 2016 at 1:12 pm
Hi Genevieve,
are you talking again now?
Marry
May 28, 2016 at 11:01 am
I use NC in 32 days. Then i started text him first, he replied quickly. but the problem is he neer text me first although i get the conservations three times and always let it ends in high note. What should i do now? What is he want?
Marry
June 1, 2016 at 7:01 pm
Yes, we are
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 12, 2016 at 2:36 am
if it’s always positive and you end it high note, by now you should move to calls.. and end the conversation in a cliff hanger style so that he would want to continue it the next time
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 30, 2016 at 1:12 pm
Hi Marry,
are you conversations always positive?
Gretchen
May 23, 2016 at 12:06 am
Hello, good day. I’ve probably followed all the things needed to attract my ex boyfriend but they don’t seem the work. It’s been three months since our break up and nothing has happened that much. I thought my ex was flirting with me but usually he becomes distant or ignores me at all by reading my messages in Facebook without saying anything until you send a message again just to get his attention over and over. How can I build attraction with him if he’s busy at work all the time? He literally works like 12 hours a day and only goes home early like twice a week. I don’t want to appear desperate or annoying if I keep sending him messages every day. I try to do mini contacts but my patience is running thin. It’s like he is playing these tricks on me since he knows me too well (we went out for a year). How am I going to do attraction in this case?
Gretchen
May 29, 2016 at 3:57 am
Hello, Amor. No, it’s not, though I think he was not being truthful. He broke up with me because he fell out of love. He said he doesn’t have a problem with the distance (we are in LDR), it’s just he changed. He told a friend that he doesn’t see a future with me, or even with someone else. He and I talked last time and I teases him about having a new gf. He said “Nah, too busy”
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 12:05 pm
Hi Gretchen,
To be honest, if he really is that busy, then it would be hard for him to have a relationship. Is that the reason for you break up?
charmaine
May 11, 2016 at 11:30 am
Very interesting article as I think my ex is playing mind games, went out for 2 years, broke up as we seemed to have just drifted apart, did the no contact for over a month and then started chatting again, went for lunch a month ago and he was so happy to see me, said i looked so good and HE leaned in and kissed me! we started flirting from there and 2 weeks ago he went on fishing trip with the boys , got back and sent me a text saying he loves us flirting and talking but that he cant make any commitments right now, something i have not even asked him to do yet, (we agreed before his fishing trip that we going to take it one step at a time and see what happens), then 1 day later he starts flirting again, we made a second date a week ago, went well and he kissed me again, still messaged me untill saturday just asking what iM getting up to , since sunday nothing from him, i messaged him monday, he did reply but short and sweet (no flirting) , havent heard from him as yet! I am VERY CONFUSED! HELP!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 1:39 am
HI Charmaine,
have you tried Chris’ advice above?
nicole
May 10, 2016 at 12:54 pm
Hi Amor
sorry I’m back again, lol I’m the type of person that likes to find answers. So the last time I said my ex broke up with me and he said his parents told him to end it again. I’m not buying that because he told me he would be angry if i did get with someone new, but doesn’t want to get back together. He says no He loves me but we’ve broken up. He says he isn’t looking for any relationship. So was he never ready for a relationship with me in the first place. I really think his parents telling him to end it a second time is a farce because he said that we tried and failed but i don’t know what I failed at. Not to toot my own horn I was a grea girlfriend to him. His older brother even still hopes we can end to together. So was he never ready to begin with.
nicole
May 27, 2016 at 6:41 pm
Sorry i keep going on about this.
I definitely need to restart the no contact. But I just need to tell you, we ended up speaking again and he said he was happy we were speaking, he told me he missed me and looked at all our memorabilia. He was quite happy to find out i hadn’t moved on to someone new yet but he doesn’t want to get back together because of the distance. That’s just crazy to me because he still saying he loves me and stuff. He even went as far as saying let’s be friends and I don’t want that. What should i do? Do i make him jealous. I just need him to open his eyes
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 30, 2016 at 6:58 am
I think he doesn’t want the hassle of ldr.. try to do jealousy moves later on but now take the opportunity to build rapport so that you can build up attraction and more reason for him not to let you go..check this post out too
EBR 004: Breaking The Long Distance Barrier With An Ex
nicole
May 23, 2016 at 4:17 pm
I’ve started the no contact (I started last Wednesday ) but before I started in whatsapp he didn’t have a profile picture anymore and I don’t know why I read so much into it. It made me literally go crazy because I thought he deleted my number, but on my best friend’s phone it was also the same he had no picture. It was really bugging me and I asked him if he deleted my number and he said no be didn’t and I didn’t ask him to put up a profile picture but he did when I asked about it. When our conversation ended the next day he didn’t have a profile picture anymore. I don’t know if he d eletedy number, even though he said he didn’t and even on instagram he has become less social. He literally lived on instagram but now he doesn’t. Is that normal? And what could be going through his head?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 6:53 pm
You have to restary count if no contact, start the day after you asked him.. and focus on improving yourself..
maybe he just wants to take arest from the social media world to heal too
nicole
May 16, 2016 at 7:51 am
Do you think I can get him back and what can i do to get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 19, 2016 at 9:30 am
there’s a chance if he’s doing the same habits he did before.. Try to do active no contact now.. if you need to do for a few months because of how you know him, that’s ok.
nicole
May 14, 2016 at 2:49 pm
I see. So he also was dramatic and said goodbye wishing me luck and happiness. Funny enough he did the exact same thing the first time we broke up and still came back. I feel that I should give it time for everything to settle like a few months.Do you think he would be different by then?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 7:35 am
there’s a greater chance that he will be
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 14, 2016 at 11:59 am
maybe.. but him not wanting you to be with another is just being selfish.. sometimes they don’t really want to be in a relationship but for selfish reason he doesn’t want you to move on too.. it’s like the ego being possessive without committing.
Deena
May 8, 2016 at 5:45 pm
Perfect, then I’ll wait because no matter how much I want to talk to him and resolve all the issues and tension between us I think it would be a mistake for me to reach out. knowing him he’ll take it as I’m the weak one and giving in. If he senses that then it’s already over before it starts, all he’ll do is take advantage of my kindness. If he’s ready he can reach out, I’ll just wait as I’ve been for months now. Another thing I’ve been thinking about that I wanted to ask you, his birthday is coming up in about 10 days, should I acknowledge it or absolutely not? Should I just stick to the no contact rule by any means necessary? I think I should, as we just talked about it previously. Last year I was with him for his birthday and made it very unique, really put effort into surprising him, so by not saying anything now he might realize some things, what’s your take on that?
Deena
May 11, 2016 at 3:18 pm
That’s what I thought, it only made sense. I doubt he’ll say anything to me first either. I just don’t know if there’s anything I can do to lead him to say something without directly telling him. It’s really common sense, he’s broken it so he should be fixing it but he’s not so I have no idea what that means. I’m honestly afraid he won’t ever say anything again, it scares me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 9, 2016 at 5:01 am
yeah, it’s actually not allowed to greet even happy birthday during no contact..
Coral
May 7, 2016 at 11:58 pm
Hi Amor,
Thanks a lot for your previous help, It has been great. My ex boyfriend and I have been texting now everyday. I did visit him briefly for a drink and cut the conversation short and left on a high note etc. We started texting again quite often until one night when he was messaging me on his way back from another city and asked me if I could do him a favour and I said sure so he asked me to prepare some food for him (we live close to each other). I said I just had some fruits at home or I could ask my other friend who lives close for some food. And then he said he was just joking. After this he did not contact me for a while. I know I shouldn’t have been as available for him but it also made me think maybe he is trying to see how much power he has over me/ is trying to string me along somehow.
And the next time I ran into him on the streets he started saying things like he is probably the nicest person I ever met in the city. I would have thought it is a positive sign except I don’t think he is very serious as he invited me to hang out with his friends and told me to contact him when I am out from work. However he did not pick up his phone (it rang) when I called so I just wrote him a brief message saying I can’t make it that evening and he didn’t even read my message till the next morning. I am getting a lot of mixed signals here and think he might be playing mind games. What do you think? Should I use seduction as mentioned above to re-attract him (I already know he is attracted to me still given that he had invited me late at night to his place which I turned down)?
Cheers
Coral
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 9, 2016 at 2:04 am
Hi Coral,
that’s good.. YOu’re actually doing great because you’re not swayed by him.. yeah, it’s ok to try seduction.
Marie
May 5, 2016 at 7:11 pm
Thanks for all your hard work on this site! My ex and I were together 2 years, broken up for a year, in great communication 4 months.
Yesterday out of the blue he says he should never have broken up with me because of all the stupid decisions he’s made since.
Threw me for a loop. I told him he’s made some good decisions and other could be made better. He replied that some scars stay.
I explained that scars don’t hurt. They’re reminders of experiences that make us more cautious. But that I was happy to hear what he said, and thought he needed to break up with me, to figure things out. I just didn’t want him to discredit his good decisions because they took courage.
Annnnd he ghisted. Hasn’t said a thing. I don’t THINK he’s playing mind games. I know him. That was hard to say. So should I ask if he regrets saying it? Go in with conversation as normal? Or wait for his text first??
Marie
May 15, 2016 at 11:29 am
Right. I’m unsure why he would say these things to me and then a week later be in an open relationship.
Marie
May 15, 2016 at 3:21 am
And I also just was told he put up on Facebook he’s in an open relationship… So I feel kind of defeated.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 5:18 am
in a positive way.. hmm, he’s in a open relationship? open relationship means they’re open to dating somebody else right?
Marie
May 12, 2016 at 7:32 pm
Made him think in a bad or positive way?
Marie
May 8, 2016 at 5:47 pm
He did, but he hasn’t said anything else about it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 9, 2016 at 5:08 am
okay, try to move on from that topic and continue to build rapport with positive messages.. I think what you said that scars don’t hurt made him think.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 8, 2016 at 6:53 am
Hi Marie,
did he reply now? don’t ask him if he regrets hos decision
Deena
May 4, 2016 at 10:19 am
I just wanted to thank you first and foremost, you have no idea how much this means to me to hear professional advice and the fact that you’re taking your time to help me with my struggle, I appreciate it very much! You’re right about what you said, we’re still married so he has to be reminded of me in some way. You know, as soon as all that happened he went on a vacation with his friends and who knows what he’s done so it’s hard for me to forgive him although I think I would if he does approach the situation first. I’d just like to know whether he regrets doing what he’s done to damage the relationship. Would you happen to guess what his motive was? I mean he’s ruined the relationship, yet as you said above he isn’t filing for divorce or moving on as far as I’m aware. Everything is stagnant so from your point of view what was he trying to accomplish here? What can I do, if anything, to give him a hint? I don’t want to reach out first that’s for sure but how will he ever approach the situation if he’s the reason it’s collapsed?
Deena
May 5, 2016 at 10:08 am
You’re completely right, that’s great advice. Sometimes I feel like I should lower my standards and talk to him, but then I realize that if he’s risked losing me and did all that to hurt me then if he wants to he needs to find a way to fix it. My standards are set pretty high, I have been going strong with the no contact rule for almost 6 months now and so has he. I can tell you he’s a very stubborn person and very hardheaded. I don’t know if he wants me necessarily to contact him, but generally speaking he’s stubborn and he is narrow minded. I remember vividly when he told me that I can’t live without him and others have also “suffered” so he wanted me to beg him and suffer and I didn’t so that might’ve come as a surprise to him. Now, I’m not sure if he still wants me to contact him or not but I know he wanted me to beg him and chase him towards the end of the relationship. Another thing is, his family and friends kept feeding him things such as telling him to not go after me. I got along with them just fine but behind my back they’d tell him things. I don’t know if he realizes or if he ever will what he’s done. You recommend for me to stay put for now and not make any moves?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 8, 2016 at 3:45 am
if it’s not the best time emotionally for you don’t.. and also, you can wait for more signs that he’s reaching out then respond to that.. for example if commented on a post, reply to that comment.. but reply just about that comment, don’t reply with a “how are you?” that can make him think, it’s ok for him to reach out.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 4, 2016 at 2:17 pm
We don’t know and I don’t want to assume because the truth is, it’s his problem to figure out a way of getting your forgiveness… and your position is to maintain your standard.. let’s say he doesn’t reach out in the coming month.. what would do? I don’t know what your standards are, and how you know him but it depends on that on what your next move will be.. if he is stubborn, it’s more beneficial if you stick to nc because he’s probably thinking you should be the one to reach out.