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Erin
January 25, 2017 at 12:12 am
Hi,
I have been going out with my ex since may. I fell hard for her and I know she did as well. We never really had any fights to talk of. We would have a few disagreements, but I think we worked things out. One time, we did have a bad fight and we were both crying. I tried to comfort her as best as I could and she lashed out saying you never tell me things are going to be ok. I apologized many times and we made up. Whenever she would find something she didn’t like (about me apparently) she would run to our friend Paige for advice. Fast forward to Dec, I was depressed because I had no job and couldn’t buy Christmas presents. She told me I needed to stop being so depressed and I needed to see a doctor. I responded that I just needed her, not a dr. I got a beautiful Christmas card stating that she never knew what she was looking for in life but now she does… me. Then right before new years, she started a fight with me then said I want to break up. I asked her to just take a break not break up completely with me. She said I’ll see how I feel after a few days. So I was gonna give her a few days. The next day she msged me and said how r u? I’m sorry. I felt like hey.. she might have rethought it over and she wants me back. She told me that she wanted to give me another chance but there was no flame there. I explained to her it was because she blocked me out.(which she denied until a week ago. She said it in other words but I knew she shielded me out). She told me before that if I hurt her again, she will be single for awhile without deep love until I fix it. She says she is confused as to if she wants to men or women. I’m trying to bide my time and be supportive to her. I feel in my gut that she still loves me. Lately though, she’s been hot and cold. She wants to hug me, cuddle and snuggle when she wants to. ( I forgot to mention when we were going out she developed a crush on a guy friend we ad but she told him no I have my gf and I love her. He told her it’s not going to happen). I refuse to give up on her. What should I do? I’ve tried the NC method and I went 4 days and she was a complete mess without me.( and so was i). Help!
Erin
January 28, 2017 at 7:11 am
About how I feel about her? She knows very well how I feel. It seems like things are getting better then she gets cold. Then warm. She’s confusing me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 28, 2017 at 3:12 pm
then you have to stick to nc..its like she just wants you to stay because that’s what she’s used to.. tell her you need space because being friends is not working for you
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 25, 2017 at 3:00 pm
Hi Erin,
have you talked on what your current status is?
Sofia
January 20, 2017 at 7:24 am
My boyfriend broke up with me because the last day I was abroad, I kissed someone else. When I came back I thought I could just not tell him, but I couldn’t lie and I told him the truth. He didn’t tell me we were done, he just changed his Facebook status. A week latter I went to his house and left a letter because he wouldn’t give me a chance to explain, he sent a letter back and said that was it for us and that he wished I would find someone who would make me happy. I thought he never wanted to see me again and he wanted out of my life because he gave me all my stuff back, but he hasn’t blocked me, he hasn’t erased the pictures we have together. I asked him if I could get a second chance or at least be his friend but he didn’t answer. We agreed to meet in a few months, but I don’t want to see him if I stand no chance, because it would just hurt us again. Should I block him? Should I accept that it is all over and just move on?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 21, 2017 at 3:24 pm
Hi Sofia,
nope, dont block him..do you want to try the no contact rule?
Priscilla
January 16, 2017 at 8:59 pm
Me and my boyfriend of 3 years recently moved out of our first apartment after a break up. At first he was going back and forth to his parents and our apartment and eventually I gave him the ultimatum of staying or going. He took the rest of his things while I was at work and now I’m in the process of moving the rest of my belongings. He refuses to give me his house key back and I know it’s because he wants to check up on me. I’ve been staying at my parents and just as I thought he called me from a blocked number ( he changed his number because I cut off his phone) cryjng and asking who I’ve been with and where have I been. He came to the apartment and saw that I started packing everything but he’s the one who left me! He’s been going out with his friends every chance he gets and speaks of different women but I’m not sure if he’s seeing him anyone else. What do I do? He calls me here and there then goes silent for another week. I initiated no contact and he’s been the one reaching out to me. It’s killing me not knowing who he’s with or if he’s seeing someone else. And why does he care so much what I’ve been doing if he’s the one who left me. I feel there’s someone else because he left the way he did and only contacts me for his convinience it hurts and is depressing moving everything out without his help
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 16, 2017 at 10:04 pm
Hi Priscilla,
when he called you crying, did he ask to go back with you?
Michelle
January 14, 2017 at 5:17 am
My “ex” and I broke up about two years ago after dating for about 7 months. I use quotations because it was never made exclusive that we were a couple. It wasn’t much of a breakup but more of a “we stopped talking” ordeal. Two months later I found out he got into a relationship with a girl he had been texting at the end of our “relationship”. A month after, he texted me telling me how much he regretted the break up and how he missed me. Ever since then, for the past two years, my ex will text and call me every 3 months or so to tell ask me how I’m doing but will then get all emotional. All the while he still has his girlfriend. I am never the one to contact him first and I am usually pretty good with not getting emotional in return. Most of the time he asks to see me and when I do say yes (twice) we’ve just hung out and talked. Why is he doing this when he has a girlfriend? Also, he will be the first to get emotional but when I mention anything about the past he says “but there can never be an US again”. Sometimes I feel like he does that so I’ll break and tell him I want him back. He has a history of doing things to get a reaction from me and so I’m wondering if this is him doing it again.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 14, 2017 at 4:17 pm
Hi Michelle,
you’re probably right.. Stop responding to him so you can move on
Rebekah
January 7, 2017 at 11:07 pm
Hello so here’s my story,
Me and my BF of 5yrs recently agreed the he needed space, in my world space means NC during that period of time, he requested space and I accepted it, we have a 3yr old child together. So I’ve left multiple times in the past for him but it never lasted more than 1day before he asked me to come home, we both messed up in the past but he can’t seem to forgive me for the same mistake he made, why? I’ve apologized and meant it, I’ve given him space and everything and I still get the cold shoulder, we’ve been trying to work things out but he told me he can’t help but not forgive me and that maybe someday he can or let’s see what nature has in store later so he confirmed that theory to me the 2nd night I was gone during this so called break that he’s been constantly texting me through I don’t initiate any texts he’s the one that’s forever texting me, about anything accruing while I’m gone be it work or possessions and finances, well it’s now day 4 and I still am wondering why does he continue to text me about life when we are on “break” or whatever I am so confused on this because he forever has to text me about random things like his bike or our daughter (which that’s understandable) but why about his bike etc. I don’t get him, how is he supposed to forgive me if he can’t leave me alone. I love him and want it to work out but I’m getting mixed signals I can go NC but he can’t. I’m so lost on why he is so wrapped up about what I’ve done but what he’s constantly done I’m not allowed to have answers or he denies it. He dwells on what I’ve done and that’s why we we are going through this constant on and off relationship where he usually asks me back the same night. Now it’s like I have no clue what’s causing him to keep dwelling on me when I’ve told him sorry, he’s never apologized to me and I forgave him constantly… I’m seriously trying to manage bettering myself but I do not want him bothering me during this time he’s taking to himself if he can’t leave me alone. How can he miss me if he’s constantly texting me? I’ve done my part and leave him be I only reply when he texts me everyday. Any advice?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 8, 2017 at 8:28 pm
Hi Rebekah,
stop replying. he texts you because he’s used to talking to you. If its about your child, you can reply but anything other than that..just dont. it’s one thing that he initiates, it’s another when you reply because youre5 enabling him to keep doing it to you when you keep replying
Marie
January 3, 2017 at 11:22 pm
I was in a long distance relationship for a year with a man I met online. We met and spent some time together and we both agreed to really liking each other and wanting to be together so we both mentioned marriage. He’s in the military so it would have been the only way to be together. Well, all of a sudden he started acting super weird and he began to flat out ignore me. I asked him and he assured me that nothing was up. I did some snooping and I found out that he was speaking to someone else, an old friend from college. I confronted him about it and he got angry, he did not deny it and he tried to explain himself. He thought we did not know each other well and that we wanted different things which was BS. He was definitely upset because I caught him in the act. I proceeded to delete him off of social media because it was extremely insulting that he was speaking to someone else. I discovered the truth through his twitter so he used just that method to get back at me since it was public. He put on a show to get my attention knowing I would see. A ton of pics with this new girl, status updates claiming that he loved this girl, that she was his soulmate, etc. It hurt me but I continued to ignore him because clearly he was playing mind games . I guess he realized it wasn’t working so he then proceeded to block me from Facebook and Instagram. Quite pointless because we were already private to begin with. I finally decided to text him and ask him why he blocked me if I hadn’t even reached out to him. He responded that did it because I deleted him. Again, we had such an emotional argument. It was clear that we were both very upset and the last thing he said to me was “hope you find the right person” with I then responded with a “thanks! same to you”. That was the last conversation we had 8 months ago. I later found out that he married this girl shortly after and he is now living with her. I find it strange however how he hasn’t even attempted to reach out. Makes me think he never cared about me but I’m sure he did. I cared and I still care so I decided to reach out yesterday night with a text mentioning how I was reminded of him because I was at a certain place and that I hoped all was well. I mean it’s been a while and I was sure he would be over it. To my surprise he has not responded. Why could that be? Could it be that he’s still playing mind games?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 5, 2017 at 8:51 pm
Hi Marie,
he’s not answering, because he’s married already. You should move on from him..
Courtney
January 3, 2017 at 4:59 am
Hi Amor,
Here’s my story, I would love to hear your insight and advice. I was with my bf , he’s 23, I’m 19, for a few months and I fell in love for the first time. After all the guys I’ve dated I’ve never ever felt this way with someone and the feelings were mutual, he told me loved me, wanted to marry me and have a family with me one day, he too said he has never felt this way before with anyone . It was genuine and loving and I saw a future with this guy which I’ve never seen with anyone and he the same. We spent a lot of time together, got to know each other, but he was insecure at times, worried about other guys which he didn’t have to do. At moments he pulled away, which I know guys do sometime, but the problem for me was they he would blow me off for his friends when we had plans, he just wouldn’t think and was in the moment. I told him on several occasions, it wasn’t cool, we’re together and you just can’t ditch me, he’d apologize, say he was wrong, etc. tbh, I felt like he was testing me, to see how much I’d put up with, but after speaking with him several times, he did it again. So after a week of him trying to see me, ( I put him off) I broke up with him, on the phone, I know I shouldn’t have done it that way, it was impulsive and stupid, but I was fed up. I felt like he was taking me for granted and I wasn’t going to put up with it. I have it together, I’m going to school full time, working full time, im smart, fun, good looking & athletic, I’m not trying to be arrogant and sound full of myself, it’s not my intent, but I’m secure and confident and I know my worth. In hind sight, I should’ve talked to him in person, I was wrong to do it that way. I’m not going to lie, it’s been hard, I do care about him and miss him but we had no contact for 4 weeks, until I saw him at work one day, I was surprised to see him as we wouldn’t normally run into each other. He came right up to me and hugged me, he was so warm affectionate, I couldn’t believe it, he wouldn’t leave my side, hugged me from behind, any excuse to touch me or talk to me. We did talk for a bit, he apologized again to me for treating me the way he did, and was def remorseful. I apologized too for breaking up with him the way I did, and said I was wrong to do that to you. And that I didn’t break up because I didn’t love him or have feelings for him but because I felt he didn’t respect my time or value me. He also asked me if I was dating and was bold enough to asked if I hooked up with anyone,(which I have not) I guess he was annoyed thinking about it. I told him I did not, and that I cared about him and wasn’t interested in anyone else. I prob made a mistake saying that, even if it was true, it gave him peace of mind I def don’t have. I am asked out and dating but didn’t tell him, another mistake . He said he wanted to get together and talk more, but couldn’t after work because he had a meeting.that evening. So we went our separate ways. I texted him a few days later saying it was good to see him and let’s get together soon, we texted back and forth a bit, but never went anywhere . So that’s a little over 2 weeks ago, and I have not texted him, not looked at social media, nothing, fell off the earth. I felt he was avoiding me or not sure, I just don’t know. I felt he still cares about me based on when I saw him, but he’s not tried to see me. I heard he’s dating someone too. As much as it hurts and I still care about him, I care about myself more and won’t put up with not being treated right. In the mean time, I’m living my life, focusing on myself, school, work, friends & family. I’m also continuing to date. I would love your help and opinion on what to do, I would love to work things out but we are at a stand still. Thank you
Part 2 – I decided to text him wishing him a Merry Christmas and that I was thinking of of some of our fun times times together and that I missed him, it was short and sweet. He responded 2 days later, wishing me and my family a happy holiday so I I made a joke and said I guess you don’t miss me, lol not expecting to hear back. He ignored what I said but struck up a flirty text convo, like when we were together and even talked about ice skating together. Then he conversation ghosted me, and never replied when I said I was in to skate. He did message and Snapchat me but no additional texts, he now looks at my insta and snap stories which he has not done since we were together and recently liked one of my posts. Normally I wouldn’t think that was a big deal but he never ever likes my posts and maybe only liked 1 when we were together so this was unusual. So we have established limited contact but don’t know what to do, ideally I want him to come to me, but I feel he’s playing hard to get, mind games or just not sure, hesitant. I would love to hear your insight and advice what to do next. Thank you
Courtney
January 17, 2017 at 3:36 am
Hi Amor,
Thank you for your previous responses 🙂
Between the last time I wrote and your response, a few other things happened. Surprisingly, he responded, I didn’t bother to text him back as I last described above, but he texted me again, asking “how it was? How I did?, etc, we had a very good convo back and forth, with making plans to skate, he then asked, if I’m “bringing my boyfriend?” I replied lightly, “which one? Lol then said just joking, no boyfriend, I countered with, ” are you bringing your girlfriend?” He said no. Then he writes, “just wanna be friends, 🙂 ” my response, “me too,” I played it cool, we then proceeded to pick a day to meet up. TBH, I’m not sure if this will happen so I’m prepared either way, and I’ve made plans for another date to join me in case because I’m going with or without him, I have a couple of thoughts about this, but I’m not sure, he was def probing to see if I’m seeing someone, (I’ve kept my dating life quiet esp on social media) he has too, barely see anything with an exception of a glimpse in a group setting, otherwise very quiet. I’ve no idea serious things are with this girl, it could be a rebound, I know he missed me and she looks completely opposite of me. He still looks at all my insta stories as well, and his sister recently followed me, which was confusing because why not follow when we were together? Unless to check up on me. One of my guy friends summed it up like this, first, he wants to see if you have a boyfriend because he’s probing and is jealous, and he never wrote I mss you and wrote the just friends part because he’s covering his butt, in case the girl he’s dating sees it. He most likely still has feelings for you otherwise he wouldn’t bother to talk to you or make tentative plans, and if he was serious with the girl he wouldn’t talk to you at all. I still don’t know what to do, I waver between no contact and keeping up with our new communication, but being smart about it. It seems positive but am I just reading into things? And what should I do now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 17, 2017 at 6:19 pm
well, the plan was to pull away right? But then he proposed a meet up which is good, so go ahead..if he doesn’t show up then proceed to pulling away
Courtney
January 11, 2017 at 4:31 pm
Hi Amor,
Thank you for your response 🙂 I wanted to give you an update, he continues to look at my insta stories, so I decided to text him, mentioning that I got my pass to skate and that we should go sometime, he didn’t answer me for 3 days. He saw my feed and saw I went on my own. (I’m living my life and doing the things I like to do) he texted me back saying, “where?!” I told him where, and he replied that was his “favorite place,” so I said, “all the more reason to come,” his last reply was flat and he just said, “right!” Whatever that’s supposed to mean, and I didn’t answer back. I had heard that he was dating someone a month after we broke up, but have no idea if they’re serious and haven’t seen her his story for awhile until the other day when he was with her her and some other people. I guess this explains why he hasn’t made any effort, It hurts to see him someone else and how fast he moved on and I truly don’t know what to do, I thought since we started to communicate again, we could see where it goes.but now after seeing this I just want to pull away. I’m still doing things to improve myself and I’m dating, and moving on with my life.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 13, 2017 at 9:22 am
yeah, he’s probably protecting that relationship.. I think it’s healthy for you to pull away in the mean time
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 5, 2017 at 2:11 pm
Hi Courtney,
Actually for me it was right that you broke up with him because he was not meeting your standards but I agree that you could have done it in person. Right now, build rapport slowly. Texts first, I think you had a good convo last christmas. Maybe he just doesn’t know or doesn’t have anything to say after you agreed with ice skating. It’s ok to initiate, what’s more important is that you’re the one that’s going to end it at high point.
Priscilla
December 19, 2016 at 10:28 pm
You say that if he plays mindgames, he sees how you react. If you react angry he knows you care, if you don’t react upset he thinks you no longer care. But my question is: if you react angry towards him, doesn’t he know it works what he is doing, so he is doing it again for control? My ex tries to contact me through his friend, by his friend flirting with me and dissing my ex. I didn’t react and blocked, but if I reacted angry I guess they would continue. What is the right response?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 22, 2016 at 12:26 pm
Hi Priscilla,
that’s the right move.. how did you know that was by your ex?
Jill
December 13, 2016 at 3:23 pm
What if I was friend zoned by an ex and then lawfully blocked because yes, I was in rage with wanting to know why. So I called excessively and showed up to his house demanding answers while regretfully threatening I was going to end my life if he doesn’t speak to me. I feel as if he played mind games with me to have sex until he was sure about a girl he was interested in which eventually led into her telling me to stop contacting her man. I mean I’m sure I scared them both but I feel like I wouldn’t have done that had he been honest with with me and not gotten the other girl involved. Its been 7 mos. since I’ve spoken to him and the law has ordained for me to stay away until 2018, which scars the hell out of me and of course big lesson learned. I hear that he asks about me constantly and things aren’t going the best between the two of them which now makes me feel I might have another chance at getting him back agin. Sad to say but I’m actually still in love with him and hope that he contacts me to drop the court ordered papers so that we get back together again. I’m trying to move on but I feel I will never meet anyone just as good or better than him. And I’m afraid that when and if he does come back he not going to be the same person I fell in love with.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 13, 2016 at 10:56 pm
HI Jill,
Of course he won’t be the same. Everybody changes over time. It’s just a matter of either for the better or for the worse. Since you’re bound by the law not to talk to him, then even if he would want to talk to you, how would you deal with that? And how active are you in meeting new people? It’s not always about having a new boyfriend but meeting people of the same interest to have a different perspective? Check this:
What To Do When Things With Your Ex Don’t Go According To Plan (With Christine Hassler)
Sylvia
December 10, 2016 at 10:51 pm
I broke up with my ex after eight months of dating. We have not been contacting after two months of break up he suddenly started stopping by to check up on me so I called him on phone and told him that I hate seeing his face and he should to stop stopping by to check on me although I never meant what I said to him I still want him back
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 13, 2016 at 2:59 pm
Hi Sylvia,
Apologize and just explain why you said it..
Sylvia
December 10, 2016 at 10:41 pm
I broke up with my ex after eight months of dating. We have not been contacting each other, after two months of break up he suddenly started stopping by to check on me so I called him on phone and told him that I hate seeing his face and I want him to stop stopping by although I never meant what I said to him
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 13, 2016 at 2:59 pm
Hi Sylvia,
Apologize and just explain why you said it..
Michelle
December 9, 2016 at 5:21 pm
My ex boyfriend and I broke up almost two months ago. I was the one that broke things off. I felt I wasn’t ready for commitment, not in the sense that I wanted to see other men, but that I felt I wasn’t ready for the whole settling down thing- I’m a big immature goofball still in university and he just graduated and has a job and all. I always hated how I always felt so emotionally dependent on him and insecure, I used to be a very independent young woman before I met himand changed completely. After meeting him I was forever expecting him to text me, or at least make an attempt to a few times a day. We were truly in love but I felt it was a one-sided relationship because I was always there for him emotionally, but he was no where to be found. And oh how the romance just died. Argh. He felt it was ok for him to go drinking with his mates all the time and I was fine with that as long as he didn’t get into trouble and returned home, but he couldn’t tolerate me having a few with my girlfriends or going out; he’d question me about it the next day even if I’d go out with family. He expected us both to move in and get engaged as soon as I graduated but I honestly wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment and was hesitant, and he knew that. I just wonder what kind of relationship that was. Coz I thought it was alright but it didn’t feel that way for me. I always felt alone even though he was there.
He was a genuinely good person when we were together back in college- intelligent, kind, great sense of humor and personality, honest, caring, loyal, loving, everything I ever wanted in a man. But his behaviour changed once he got a job- being secretive, no time for me, only wanting me over at his place to cook, clean and have sex, not wanting me to use his phone. I was just worried about him and his ex since she clearly wasn’t over him always tryna make him jealous of her new relationships- they have a toddler together which he told me about and I accepted since day 1.
Anyway, it’s been almost two months since we broke up.
This is how it started…We had an argument about him not making time for me anymore and his changed attitude- he always made promises about changing every time i tried leave before but it’d only last a week maximum. (Our longest breakup before was 3 days max. Lol.) And I just had it with him so we argued via instant messaging and i told I couldn’t do it anymore. That I didn’t want to with him,i didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. And he got upset and pissed off but agreed only so could get out of the argument. He had tendency of being abusive, pushing me around when we argued, but verbal abuse was an norm for him always swearing me even when I’d ask to stop. I tried to apologise to him and get back with him after 2 weeks but indirectly told me he didn’t wanna have sex anymore. And to think he was and is my first! It really hurt to think that he longer found me sexually attractive, and I was self conscious already about my weight, body and image. I was just shattered. And after pondering for 2weeks about it, that pushed me overboard and I knew I didn’t wanna be with him for sure. It was final for me.
Then he called me a month later and said wanted to finalise it face-to-face though i already accepted it so i just agreed meet up out of courtesy and it looked like he was interested in getting back together though I shot that horse right in the face and he stopped bothering me about it and started to accept that we had broken up real. That was that.
I’ve slowly come to terms with it. I started focusing more on me, taking the time out to do the things that interested me without worrying about what he’d think or say. I started working out again and it feels great- mind you I gained a whopping 20kgs since I started seeing him. I’ve been spending more time with my family and planning solo travels for myself, feel like I need to truly find myself and do things by myself embracing my independence once again. I feel free and happy and I love this feeling, which I totally forgot existed.
He then started messaging me two weeks ago. I thought was genuine about it first but then I read inbetween the lines and realised his small conversations were merely attempts to chat me up and try to spark something again. I didn’t wanna be mean so I’d reply but try to get out quickly. Then he messages me last week first pretending to check up on me to see how I’m doing and then telling me that someone we both knew asked him out, and I never brought anything like that up with him! As soon as he brought it up I told him to stop right there, I didn’t wanna know the details of it or who she was. I don’t know why but I got so upset. Then I replied laughing and saying “wow so much for friendship.We just broke up and already people are picking at the bones of our dead relationship”. Then he blew up and started arguing with me over nothing and I just told him that I’m happy that he moves on and that I know I’m the reason that we split….
I just want to know why on earth did he tell me that someone asked him out??? He isn’t that type of person to make a person jealous, but that’s what my closest friend who set us up is telling me, but I don’t think that’s it. I don’t wanna believe that about him.
Please just help me understand this, coz it’s driving me crazy now.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 12, 2016 at 8:27 pm
Hi Michelle,
even if he’s not the person to make you jealous, that can still be one of the reasons or he just really saw you as a friend and confided too much but if you had moved on, it doesn’t matter anymore. If you’re uncomfortable with him being like that, just don’t talk to him anymore.
Jennifer
December 6, 2016 at 7:33 pm
Short and sweet. Dated for 10M, lived together for 6M. He’s in the military and during that time we knew he’d be leaving for a long deployment 3Y. We spoke about a LDR and agreed to give it a shot. Some work issues arose with him that was causing a lot of stress for him and our relationship. He decided that we were on two separate paths. That with him leaving he was afraid of the uncertainty of the future (he had been cheated on during another LDR). Initially we spoke via text & facebook (he’s not one to talk on the phone). He maintained that he wanted to be friends, that he wanted to see what the future would bring. I wanted to give him his space and didn’t press for more, but told him that I still cared and loved him. We met up once for dinner (a month after the breakup), seemed to go well. Even though I was sad about this being the last time I would see him. He said this wouldn’t be the last time, that he wanted to remain friends. That I would visit him abroad. He asked me to a movie. We spoke for a few days after. Then nothing, ghosted me. When I messaged him to confirm the movie. Nothing, no response. So I decided to do the 30 NC, lasted 21 days before I outreached him for information on a hearing that he had to attend. He responded, but w/ a very brief and short message. No other contact. He leaves in less than 2 weeks and then leaves the country in 2M. I’m not sure if he’s playing mind games, if he’s just busy with the transition, or if i should do the NC again.
Jennifer
December 16, 2016 at 8:51 pm
I’ve returned to doing things that make me happy. Taking up painting, going on hikes. Doing more things that I didn’t do when we were together because of our time together. I also decided to go back to school and get my degree I never got. So making a lot of positive steps forward. He’s still “ghosting” me, but hasn’t removed me from social media. Which is what he had done in the past. I know he’s going through a very stressful period and his MO is to shut down and shut out. I am trying to NOT let his actions bring me down. But of course I am sad.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 19, 2016 at 11:25 pm
HI Jennifer,
That’s good. I don’t think he’s playing mind games. I think he missed you but he’s still set on not having a long distance relationship and he can see that that’s what you’re aiming for before the movie.. I think you need to approach this as a long distance relationship already.. Check this:
Getting An Army, Military Or Navy Ex Boyfriend Back
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 10, 2016 at 6:48 pm
Hi Jennifer,
how much are you improving yourself?
Elizabeth
December 5, 2016 at 9:23 pm
So my ex bf and I broke up 2 months ago and we’re together for 4 years. I broke up with him because he always lied to me and always put me last , not call me or nothing I would have to beg for his attention. We both hurt eacother while we were together. I guessed that’s what messed us up. Anyways He would call me out of the blue telling me he misses me late nights or call me to hurt me verbally. So Friday at 3 am he called me and I answered his call he started telling me that he had a dream of he seeing me with someone else, he said he wants to talk to me if we can meet up . I met up with him after he got off work, hhe bought dinner and the shirts I was going to buy myself. He also paid for my lyft ride back home. During dinner he was waiting for his friend to get out of work but I know it was the girl he is talking to. While we eating I asked him what he wanted to talk about he said that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship but wants to take it slow with me, that the girl he said he isn’t talking to things didn’t work out because he is not ready for a relationship. He said that if didn’t feel right that she wouldn’t take care of him like I did. He was talking about places to go together , that we have to go to Santa Monica again. He looked at me with those dreamy eyes once we were leaving. Those dreamy eyes that showed love. I couldn’t look at him long because I know I would cry. He even took pictures of me. He talked about himself , well letting me know what he’s been doing lately. I was nervous I couldn’t be myself so maybe that’s why I couldn’t ask what’s he been doin so he brought up himself. . He hugged me hard and wouldn’t let go and kissed me twice. It was a nice evening just that fact that he couldn’t stay longer mad me feel like I wasn’t special enough. While getting on the lyft , he told me to be ready just in case he doesn’t go where he was going and gave me his Backpack for idk what reason. I brought it home. Later he FaceTimes me to see if I am home. Later that night I texted him and became needy , kept texting him to call me , text me , to get home safe and at a decent time. When I was with him I was very insecure and needy, I always wanted him to text me but wouldn’t. The samething felt the same but we were in a different position. He then texted me an hour later telling me ” I need to see you pls” I couldn’t since my brother was busy. I wanted to see him too. But later he just disappears and left me wondering. He messed with my feelings. The next day I called him to tell him that i want to talk to him about what is going on in my head and he said he doesn’t want to hear , probably throught that I was going to tell him how I felt and he didn’t want to hear that. So then he tells me that I haven’t change and we hanged up. He texts me right after a sad face. I have red texted him nor he texted me. I ruined my chance maybe. He really got to me, I missed work and my body hurts, I had an Anxiery attack, my mind wouldn’t sleep for thinking this. I also think he lived with the girl . I was curios to check find my iPhone every night to see if he went home.. he never does he remains there. I also checked one day and he was at the restaurants he always wanted to take me . I’m sure he was with the girl.
I hate knowing this :'( I affected me in so many ways.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 9, 2016 at 1:13 am
Hi Elizabeth,
ok, right now, get into counseling, to help you with your anxiety. Do you want to try the no contact rule for self healing and improving?
Gama
November 24, 2016 at 12:13 am
I was together with this boyfriend for 6 months. Each time when we quarrel, we would stop contacting for a week. Most of the times it was because he was at fault (raising his voice at me). And this time, we quarreled over certain issues. First two days was normal but he suddenly stopped texting me and deleted me off his contact list and facebook. So finally it was a week already and I dropped him a text asking if he thinks we should talk. When asked what’s happening and why he was so cold to me, he started bringing up previous issues that we’ve quarreled and that he has always been giving in but I never. Even when I told him I was bogged down by some health concerns, he continued ranting about his unhappiness. I asked him if he feels that things are not working out and we could have a closure, he said up to me and ask me to decide. When ask if he’s keen to give this r/s another shot, he didn’t reply. I’m really lost because there is no direction.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 26, 2016 at 3:56 pm
Hi Gama,
do you want to try the no contact rule?
Caroline
November 15, 2016 at 3:27 pm
Hi Amor!
I will try to keep this short. I successfully completed the NC rule on my ex. I also successfully started texting using tide theory and was at an almost 50/50 split by I was the one texting first. We saw each other in person and it went really well! Big hug at the beginning and lots of little contacts while I was helping move his stuff out of our apt. Towards the end of it he began stalling so that he could talk to me. When he hugged me goodbye he said he wanted to get coffee with me right now but he had a bunch of stuff to do but he’d probably see me the next week and that he’d text. The next week I continued reaching out and he’d respond but when I asked to confirm plans he ghosted! Then when the day came he made an excuse not to meet up. I acted like it wasn’t a big deal but told him I’d like to see him when he had time bc I had a birthday gift for him. I’m wondering what to do now. Do I wait for him to reach out or do I start trying to get him to text me again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 9:24 pm
is he busy? give him space..
Kari
November 15, 2016 at 3:09 pm
Hi there,
My ex and I broke up a few months ago. We were in question LDR for only a few months but became very attached due to being friends for 12 years prior. After a period of no contact (it was about 20 days), I decided to employ the tactics using the texting Bible and exboyfriend recover PRO.
After a few months I made huge progress in getting my ex back. He confessed that he had been irrational and that we have is too special to lose. He said a lot of beautiful things that I thought I’d never get to hear him say ever again. He also mentioned several times that he needs of fly down and see me.
I was careful to not come off as pushy or clingy so I didn’t pester him when his actions weren’t backing up his claims. Eventually I had to ask once or twice what he was feeling and he would once again get too comfortable and decide no urgent action to see me was needed. I contemplated waiting and being patient so I know getting your ex back takes time and I was so grateful for the progress we had made. Eventually I became fearful that he would go stagnant again because he once again found his comfort zone with me.
After a few months, I realized that though he likes me and cares for me, it perhaps isn’t enough to make an action out of it (even though he said he wanted to act on it).
I had to tell him gracefully that if the desire isn’t there on his part I need to kindly accept that he can’t give me what I want and therefore I should leave. He tried to talk me out of it here and there but ultimately agreed he can’t let me ruin my future due to his inability to commit right now.
I told him soon after that unless he’s ready to convert feelings into action, we should forgo communication. That way there was no guessing game as to why I won’t be messaging him anymore.
Unfortunately, he still messages me about once a week with the “I miss you” or “still thinking of you. Hope you’re doing very well”.
Deep down I would love for things to work out with him. I love him immensely. But I can’t keep hurting myself. I deserve more love than he is willing to give but when you’re in love you keep this (silent) hope that maybe they love you too, maybe they just suck at showing you and maybe you shouldn’t give up.
But I just don’t know if this is considered a game for him. A game for him to still keep me in his life, a game to have some form of control or effect on me, or if this is to make him feel less guilty by “checking up”.
Am I giving up too quickly? Or was trying once enough? I know how subjective these questions are but any advice would be great.
Thanks,
Kari
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 9:16 pm
Hi kari,
I dont think you’re giving up too quickly. I think you know your worth. Whatever his reasons are with his actions, you’re right that you have to do this because you cant keep hurting yourself
Kelsi
November 15, 2016 at 1:04 am
Hi there!
My bf and I broke up kind of twice. We decided to take a break. So it was for about a week and a half. We still texted each other a lot and said we loved each other and missed each other. We talked on the phone a lot saying about our feelings and the problems even how we can work through them. But then right in the middle of it all, he stopped trying and texted me less and less. I confronted to him about it, then he got angry and broke up with me. We dated about 6 months. Over the months, it was amazing but we did have a lot of fights. He later had pictures of other girls on his phone and saying it was for memories (which I did not like at all), then he hung out with his friends more than me like until 1 am while he would only hang with until 8 o clock! Just stuff like that we fought over and he made me feel bad and made it my fault. The next day, I told him to leave my stuff on his porchbecause I didnt want to see him but texts me that he doesnt mind seeing me. But Intold him no and i got my stuff without seeing him. A few days after that he texts me about a birthday gift that broke and that he is going to “whether I like it or not” get a new one and give it to me. Intold him that he can keep his money and that its totally fine but he replies “no I will still do it because it looks so good on you”. I said “thanks. No problem!” Anyways, its been about a week of our break up and he already texted me first. Of course I responded and we had a good conversation then he just stopped texting me. The next day he personally brought my remaining stuff to me and again later the day he brought me my gift that he said he would get me. (Becaus emy birthday was a few weeks ago). And we talked a little and left. Still havent heard from him but he likes me photos on facebook and stuff like that. I dont mind moving on and live my life but I do still love him and people keep telling me that he seems to have feelings too. But I dont want to hope and get my heart broken again. What do I do??
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 11:49 am
Hi Kelsi,
why not try the no contact rule first?
Jayde
November 15, 2016 at 12:18 am
Hey! So my ex and I had a relationship that lasted for 7 months and we recently broke up (3 weeks ago) because he had a lot of doubts about whether we were gonna make it if we were to get married. He thinks we are very different people. While breaking up he said things like: I don’t think I am going to find someone who is better than you and I still feel love towards you just not as much as before. He was quite controlling/jealous in the relationship and didn’t want me to go out at all so with time I stopped doing those things. Since we are broken up I started to go again with my girl friends. A week ago he watched my snapchat story(he watches them all the time) and I was at this bar and he messaged me saying “so how’s your life going without me?” and when I said i was busy with school because I had a few exams that week which he knew of he replied “busy with school but enough time to go out I see well enjoy it these are the things you wanted to do but couldn’t” because i stopped going when we were in a relationship and after that he also send me a message when I went bowling and he saw some guy’s names on the scoreboard. When I explained those were my friend’s little brothers and asked him if it even matters if i go with guys he replied no do your thing. I’m very confused I feel like he might want to get back together but then I think to myself well what’s stopping him from making a move? he also keeps going to a restaurant I frequently visit with my friends when he never went before the breakup. what do you think?? and what should I do??
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 7:54 pm
Hi Jayde,
I think it’s ego, that sense of ownership. Because if he really wanted to get back, why wouldn’t he? Do you want to try the no contact rule?
Sophie
November 13, 2016 at 5:38 pm
My ex and I were together for just over a year, I broke up with him back in April 2016. The reason was because I was so sad about the fact that he couldn’t fall in love with me. This was an issue we had talked about, he was up front about it throughout the relaitionship and said ever since the breakup with his first girlfriend years before, he said he had emotional issues that he knew he should be working on that meant he didn’t fall in love with anyone. I knew that he did care a lot about me and he was always wanting to see me, text me all day every day etc.
So I broke up with him, asked for space and kept up the NC up until last weekend. I had blocked him on Instagram, but decided to unblock him and like two of his pictures. He still cannot see my Instagram, due to mine being private. The next morning he sent me a message asking me how I was and so on and asked if I wanted to meet for coffee the following weekend, I said sure and then implemented the NC again until he messaged me again Friday to confirm to meeting up. We met up yesterday and it was nice, not great or perfect but nice. He asked if I had told anyone of my friends that I was meeting him and I said no, it is just a coffee, to which he responded, it all starts with a coffee.. while smiling.
During the meet he noticed a text pop up on my phone from a male and he asked if I was dating again, I said I was seeing someone but that it was early days, straight after he took of his jumper and flex his muscles a little ( not obvious, but still).
I wanted to be distracted, so I told after about an hour and 15 minutes that I had to go, that I had dinner plans and we left with a brief hug. I had plans to meet friends at a bar and was having fun, but my ex was on my mind. On my way home (tipsy) i texted him saying it was great to meet etc etc and he texted back that it was good to see me too and it was great to see me smile but that I shouldn’t meet an ex when I am dating..
I was obviously hoping that he’d magically fall in love with me, but knowing this isn’t a Hollywood movie, I think that meeting him did’t give me the empowerment I was hoping for, but more putting me back into the mindset of wanting someone that doesn’t want me.
Any tips on how to interpret his behaviour and comments?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 4:02 pm
Hi Sophie,
One meet up is not going to make somebody fall in love. Most of the time, love at first sight actually means piqued interest. But if you have been chasing him for a long time, then he has to see you in a different light first. Did you improve yourself?