Is It Even Possible To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back? Breaking Down Preconceived Notions

558 thoughts on “Is It Even Possible To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back?”

Kara

February 17, 2016 at 1:07 pm

Hi, I’m not sure what to do in my situation and I really need some advice because I don’t know if I should continue to hope me and my ex will reconcile soon one day or I should just give up hope and move on.
My boyfriend and I broke up end of january and since then we have been talking on and off. We have broken up two or three times before but we resolved it almost immediately previously.

On 21 November 2015 we had a big fight but he actually stayed over at mine that night after we talked and it was late. But the next day he brought up the fact that he was unsure if he could see us being together the next 30 years and we broke up over the phone briefly but we ended up deciding to try again.

Then, he lost his job in December and he was really upset and stressed over it and his family was really harsh on him over that. In early December I went on holiday with my family and when I came back a couple of days before Christmas, he wanted to break up again because he felt that he can’t handle being in a relationship and his career right now. He said that it was not me but him. We met to talk about things and we ended up not even talking about it and we watched a movie. Later on when I asked him about it, he said that when he met me he thought I was really cute and he missed me and that he could not bear to do it because he loved me.

A couple of days later after Christmas, we celebrated my birthday and I got angry at him because I felt that he did not put in any effort because he said he wanted to cook for me at my house but when he came over he didn’t bring any ingredients and he wanted me to drive out with him to buy them because he doesn’t own a car. We had a big fight, which I admit was mostly my fault but we ended up resolving it and just enjoying the day. That night I left for a holiday with my friends and he came to see me off at the airport.

Everything was fine while I was away, we texted a lot and talked on the phone and when I came back, he came all the way to see me at the airport. He said he had to attend a friends birthday as his friend was going overseas the next day and his friend lives all the way in the west near my ex’s own house. I told my ex that I might eat dinner with my friends at the airport before heading home and he was fine. He was really happy to see me despite coming all the way to the airport just to see me for about 45 minutes. We spent the next few days together and we had a wonderful time, but I ended up crying a couple of days later in the car because I was really stressed about my own future because I’m not sure what to do and what career to choose etc. But I think he took that as me being unhappy with him despite me trying to explain it. He texted me at night saying that he feels really upset when he sees me cry and he hoped that I could accommodate him for these 2 months while he looked for a job and he could not spend so much time with me or look after me. I said I was fine and I tried to comfort him about his situation.

I started a new job in the middle of January 2016. Just a couple of days later on 19 January 2016, he wanted to break up again and he said that he really could not handle the stress of a relationship and looking for a job, he said he felt like he could not handle it and there were a lot of tears and we ended up patching things up again.

On 23 January 2016 he wanted to break up again. He texted me the night before at around 4am saying that he was sorry and that he didnt love me anymore and he did not see a future with me anymore. I was distraught when I woke up to that and I was really upset and spent the day with a friend to feel better. But later on that night I went over to his place to sort of talk and break up face to face. But I broke down and I cried and we talked a lot about his feelings and my feelings. He said that he still loved me but he felt that he was useless as a bf and that he could not be there for me and that he was not the same person anymore and that he felt that he was not good enough to be with me. He said he needed to run away and improve and come back stronger and that he felt that I was not happy with the “broken him”. He felt that we were both not ready and that the timing right now was really bad. He told me a lot of really personal things about his feelings and he broke down too and I’ve never seen anyone look so defeated. I was really upset and he said lets hug and when we hugged I couldn’t stop crying and we ended up deciding to patch things up again. I stayed over that night and he said he was sorry while we were cuddling and that he would never let me go. I felt really safe in his arms and I thought we were finally fine.

But two days later, while we were talking on the phone, he wanted to break up again and he told me about how his family had a lot of financial problems and that things were really hard for them. He felt that it was all up to him to solve them and he said that he really could not handle a relationship right now because he felt like he had a lot on his plate. He had to help his parents and find a job and figure out a direction in his life. He felt that he would be a burden on me and he said he loved me a lot and he couldn’t lie to me. I decided to agree to break up because I felt that he really had a lot going on in his life and I think he needed to figure things out. He also said that he could not even love himself right now and I felt really bad for him and I’m trying to give him space now to get a job and sort himself out. He said that it would be unfair for me to wait for him and he said that he wanted the best for me and said that I should move on. He said that he didn’t want me to change for him and that he wanted me to be who I am. He had previously applied for a job overseas and he was offered a position but he told me that he turned it down because of me.

I’m not sure if I should wait for him and if I do how long I should wait for him. My gut feeling is that he does really love me but everything that has happened in his life is really overwhelming and he can’t handle being in a relationship with anyone now. He promised me that he would not date anyone else and that he would talk to me when he has sorted his life out and he feels that he is ready. But I don’t know if I should wait because I don’t know how long it would take and I don’t know if he would want to continue a relationship after he sorts everything out.

He’s also been texting me and sending me pictures and a selfie, asking me how I am and my opinion on things.

I’m really sorry that this is such a long post but I feel so confused right now and I feel really frustrated and I can’t focus on my own work because I can’t figure out what to do.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 9:34 am

Hi Kara,

for me you have to do nc because if you continue talking to him, you might end up in the friendzone

Janessa

February 17, 2016 at 8:53 am

I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years. About 2 weeks ago on February 2nd (2 week before Valentines Day) we got into a heated argument which resulted in him breaking up with me through a text message. He said, he didn’t want to date anymore and not to contact him. OUCH!!! I was crushed and in disbelief but I stayed calm and replied telling him that I agreed to the break-up and immediately went NC. I just felt in my gut that NC was the best thing to do and don’t get me wrong, I was a nervous wreck thinking I lost him for good. I came across this site and it reaffirmed that I made the right choice and begging and pleading would only make me look desperate and needy. Although that put me at ease, not hearing from him drove me a little nuts. I just kept thinking 2 years invested, down the drain and he breaks up with me by text with Valentines day approaching!!!! I almost gave in and called him not to beg but to give him a piece of my mind! But I kept cool, and realized that would make things a lot worse if I wanted him back. A week passed and I already started working my plan to go out, have fun and start hitting the gym. It was hard. I didn’t want to lose my bf but I was determined to stick to my plan; either I was going to re-attract him back into my life or get over him and move on. I accepted I might have to move on knowing if it’s meant to be we will be together. Anyway the end of week 2 came…12 days no contact!!

Fast forward Valentines Day at 7:00 a.m. I get a text from him asking me if he left his sneakers in the trunk of my car and that he needed them to go play basketball. I was excited that he text but super nervous; he’s texting me about some darn shoes!! He didn’t ask about me…No, “I miss you!” WTF! what if he really moved on? I kept calm, at least he was texting. I told him his shoes were in my trunk and he could pick them up within the next hour or so because I wasn’t going to be home. He replied, Ok, thanks and within the next 30 minutes he was at my door. I played it cool, opened the door, greeted him with a smile and gave him the key so he could open the trunk himself to get his shoes. With the look on his face I knew he thought I would invite him in but I didn’t and that gave me the confidence to control the situation. He came back to the door with my key and we exchanged awkward good-byes. Somehow I actually felt at ease. I could tell he didn’t want to leave and that he did miss me. Later that evening, I was watching a movie, dozing off to sleep. I heard a knock on the door and to my surprise it was HIM again. When I opened it, he was holding a box of candy, a purple teddy bear (love purple!) and a dozen red roses. I gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek because well, it kind of melted my heart and of course I missed him like crazy. I invited him in and we talked. He apologized about everything and said he realized he was being immature by breaking up with me over a disagreement and by text and that he wanted to work things out If I take him back. I also apologized for my role in the argument and told him that we can take it one day at a time. The next day he picked me up and took me to the beach. We talked more about how we were going to move forward and how we can handle things differently if we have an argument. We ended up having so much fun together and I fell in love with him all over again at sunset. Its possible! Good Luck!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 11:38 am

Hi Janessa,
Thank you so mich for sharing! I’m very happy for you!

Hii

February 16, 2016 at 2:03 am

Hope you will be able to reply me.
Thank you…..

It’s been 2 months since our breakup and we have not really talked to each other.

Yesterday he sent me a message out of a sudden.
#
Yesterday
HE TEXT
I TEXT
HE TEXT
I TEXT (after 5 hours)
HE IGNORE (no reply)
#
Today
(HE REPLY) BUT COLDLY……..
#
Should I ignore him ?????
I really don’t know how to reply. .
.
last time I am a TEXT GNAT and CALL THAT
and I have committed all the deadly sins mentioned in this website…
Yesterday I replied him with a waiting time of 3hours to 6hours .
I think he feels I am replying slow on purpose ?
Because I used to reply so fast…..
.
And he only text me in the morning and afternoon only…. he never text me at night… or before he sleeps ….. :((

Hii

February 18, 2016 at 12:53 am

Thanks for your reply!

I end the conversation first by not replying back to his text for 1.5 days .. about 24 hours .
And when I reply back to his previous message, he ignored me and did not reply till now .. its been more than 24hours already. And he did not reply. I am feeling sad . But earlier on he is the one who initiated the conversation first. What should I do now? Do you think he feels that I am doing it on purpose and is ignoring me ? I used to reply quickly last time as a GNAT. I think he is angry
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 1:28 pm

if he’s angry.. just let him be for now and don’t say sorry..
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 11:43 am

Hello Hii,

the important thing is you keep the convo interesting and you end it a high point politely.. It’s better of it’s series of texts one after anither and then you end it…

and then maybe another series of text hours later or the next day, and then you end it a lt high point..

Try it on your next convo..
Hii

February 16, 2016 at 3:32 am

Can you tell me what does it means in my current situation??

Thanks in advance!

WhatCanIDo

February 15, 2016 at 11:22 pm

I was with my ex for 3 years and be broke up with me because he said we had nothing in common anymore and we didn’t feel like a couple. I texted him about this drunk a few time but told him I would get over him and move on. I’m on day 7 of NC but I just noticed he blocked me and my friends on everything. I don’t know if this means we have no way of getting back to together and if I should just move on.

I really loved him. And all of this has been very hard for me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 9:25 am

There are different reasons why he blocked you and I don’t it’s because he has moved on already.. Most of the time, after 2-3 weeks of being silent they unblock again

Tatianna

February 14, 2016 at 3:38 pm

Hi Amor/Chris,

I really think i dont have a chance of getting my ex bf back. We used to work together and started dating in Apr 2015. I didnt want our coworkers to know because i thought i would jepordise our careers. He got drunk at a work party and told one of our coworkers. I got really mad and also panicked about my career and ended it with him. During that week i asked to get back with him and he said he could not commit. I cried and said i wanted him back. He said he think were better off as friends. I found it extremely difficult to see him everyday at work. When i asked him questions about work he would reply rudely and would avoid me as much as possible. So I decided to resign. He found out and asked to have a chat during work. He asked to be friends and said he doesnt know why hes being so bitter. I told him i was leaving my job because of him and would not like to be friends. Then the following week at work he asked to speak again because he said he had a few more questions to ask me. I agreed and he asked if i would ever consider getting back with him. I said i would but he it would take some time for us to become ‘normal’ again. This was the last week of Sept. We got back together and it was going alright. I did say to him he had to plan all the dates to make it up to me. He did get a bit annoyed with that and said why cant we both just pick. I dont know why i felt like if he picked the date it would show he really wanted to be with me as previously he said he could not commit to me. (whatever that means). As i had already handed in my letter of resignation, it was my last day and I went to drinks with my coworkers. My ex bf got very drunk. The boys were playing a game of who they thought was the most attractive ladies in the office. I rolled my eyes at my drunk bf when he decided to play the game and for some reason he flipped out and stormed out the pub. I ran after him. He told me ‘ now that youve got a new job you should just move on without me. I feel so much pressure in this relationship trying to choose dates’. He jumped onto the subway. I was supposed to be staying round his as it was my bday the next day. I was hysterical cos i couldnt believe i was ditched in the middle of the night. The next day came and it was my bday. He apologised for his behavoir but i felt like my bday was ruined. He wasnt doing anything to make it up to me. He said on the weekend he would take me out for my bday but his texts werent loving. I confronted him and said he wasnt making me feel special. He said he feels guilty for the way he acted and isnt in a good mood. I broke up with him cos i was just so depressed at how my bday was. I definitely overreacted. I contacted him the next day asking to get back. He said no. He said were too different and that he felt too much pressure in the relationship. I texted him non stop for a few days and he replied. I asked to get back together and he said no were better off as friends cos we dont handle arguements well. I disagree it was a one off bad arguement. i texted him for a few more days saying lets be friends. No reply. He now has blocked me.

What should i do now?

Sorry for the essay

tati

February 29, 2016 at 8:16 pm

hii Amor! Hope you’re well. I got impatient at the fact he was ignoring my text. So i called him after work and he picked up. He we spoke for 30 mins. He said he was ignoring me cos he thought if we tried talking again/ being friends that I would get my hopes up and think we were gettign back together. I reversed it on him and said what makes him so sure he wont fall back in love with me again. He said becuase we’ve tried once and it didnt work. I asked if there was any other reason he said no, youre perfect the way you are its just people who break up and try getting back together dont work. The topic changed and we spoke about loads of things made jokes and some were flirty but he would then say’ oh no crossing boundaries’ and laugh. So im going to read up on all the push and pull techniques and makesure i dont mess this up!

Thank you so much for all your help Amor! I know I’ve been bombarding you with message but you truly are the female hitch haha
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 2:40 pm

I really don’t think you need my help! But thank you.. you can do this yourself.. all you needed was an outsider’s perspective 🙂
tatianna

February 29, 2016 at 11:00 am

I left 2 days and texted him saying sorry for waking him up the other day just that song reminded me of his moves and just wanted things to be cool with us? No reply. Arghh I just can’t do this. I’m trying so hard and im failing. What do I do now, give up?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 9:54 am

awww…that’s an awkward situation.. of he didn’t say it was ok.. then it means he’s not ready to talk yet.. basically yeah, it’s better to move on than appear to be chasing him
tatianna

February 28, 2016 at 7:26 am

He’s still got me blocked on whatsapp and stuff. So don’t think the phone call made a difference. How long do I wait before sending a text? I feel like I’m just annoying him.
tatianna

February 27, 2016 at 8:57 am

Hi Amor, I called my ex bf today to leave a voicemail but he picked up! Ruined my plan! I literally said what I had planned on the voicemail. I did say oh did you pick up by accident he was like no… I called him at 8.30am in the morning he said he was sleeping but we spoke for 5 mins. I did the memory thing and said I was calling cos this song reminded me of one of his wacky dance moves and he laughed. I told him I was studying toward a professional qualification. He was like Ahh cool. He asked me why I was calling? Although I already said just to see how he was doing. So I just repeated myself saying I just wanted to see how you were doing and be cool with you. He was like I’m goood tati but I’m going back to sleep now. I think the convo was okay but I do think he picked up cos he probably thought it was an emergency cos I did call at 8.30am on a sat morning. Maybe he was really sleeping but I’m slightly paranoid he was pretending to so could end the convo/ he was with another girl? What do I do now? I don’t think he’s going to unblock me. Or contact me himself first. What do I do now?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2016 at 12:26 pm

I think he’s just really just awoken… And I think it’s a good convo 🙂 I think it’s food to start texting but don’t send another memory topic.. focus on one of his interests
tatianna

February 20, 2016 at 5:08 pm

Hi Amor, sorry to bother you again. I know you have loads of girls to reply to. Just wanted to double check before I called my ex bf. I was going to do the memory thing “hey I passed blah blah restaurant and it made me think of you. So just calling to see how you were doing. 99% you still hate me and will probably going to ignore this but if not you know where to find me. Hope you’re looking after yourself. Take care. Oh and don’t forget Momo’s bday” (he always forgets his dogs bday so it was an old joke)

I’m not sure whether j should say the 99% you’re going to ignore me part. I thought I should say it to kinda cover up for the fact he’s been ignoring me and probably continuing to ignore me. Or I should take that part out so there’s no blame or negativity in the message.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2016 at 11:03 am

It’s okay! Just shoot a comment.. but bear with me though if it takes a day..but I will answer as fast as I can.. I think it’s good because you included the “if not you know where to find me” if it weren’t for that he may misinterpret your message…
tati

February 18, 2016 at 4:50 pm

Thanks Amor! Got a week to plan this call!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 4:55 pm

you’re welcome! 🙂
tati

February 17, 2016 at 7:47 pm

Then should i just do a memory message then? say i was passing the place where we had our first date and thought i would see how you were doing? what should i do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 11:19 am

For me, that’s good..
tatianna

February 16, 2016 at 2:25 pm

I don’t know what to say on the voicemail. I thought the same thing. Like I miss having him in my life and would be great if he would meet me to hear me out? I don’t know!!! 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2016 at 8:05 am

hmm..if you put it that way.. he might still resist.. because he gets you yo chase
tatianna

February 16, 2016 at 9:00 am

Okay thank you for giving me a little hope. I have 2 weeks left of nc. Should I try the memory text ‘my keyboard broke and it reminded of the time we stayed up trying to fix my computer’ or should I be honest ‘I just want to meet for a coffee for 5 mins and have a chat?’ Or should I leave a voicemail that why hearing my voice might persuade him more to respond.
I’ve already asked to talk and he didn’t reply.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 1:03 pm

if you already asked to talk, then asking for coffee chat might not work too.. if it’s a voicemail what are you going to say?
tatianna

February 15, 2016 at 4:07 pm

Cat and mouse..So are you saying we should just forget each other? Do I even have a chance after all this drama? Nc for 30 days then send a text?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 6:50 am

actually no.. I think you just need a break.. all of it was like from miscommunication.. of you could develop commimcating better after nc as friends first (not forever okay :D) it can help before jumping back to the relationship wagon..
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2016 at 11:50 am

Hi Tatiana,

I think it is better if you do nc, since you’re also blocked..It’s a cat and mouse chase with you two…

Tatianna

February 14, 2016 at 3:38 pm

Hi Amor/Chris,

I really think i dont have a chance of getting my ex bf back. We used to work together and started dating in Apr 2015. I didnt want our coworkers to know because i thought i would jepordise our careers. He got drunk at a work party and told one of our coworkers. I got really mad and also panicked about my career and ended it with him. During that week i asked to get back with him and he said he could not commit. I cried and said i wanted him back. He said he think were better off as friends. I found it extremely difficult to see him everyday at work. When i asked him questions about work he would reply rudely and would avoid me as much as possible. So I decided to resign. He found out and asked to have a chat during work. He asked to be friends and said he doesnt know why hes being so bitter. I told him i was leaving my job because of him and would not like to be friends. Then the following week at work he asked to speak again because he said he had a few more questions to ask me. I agreed and he asked if i would ever consider getting back with him. I said i would but he it would take some time for us to become ‘normal’ again. This was the last week of Sept. We got back together and it was going alright. I did say to him he had to plan all the dates to make it up to me. He did get a bit annoyed with that and said why cant we both just pick. I dont know why i felt like if he picked the date it would show he really wanted to be with me as previously he said he could not commit to me. (whatever that means). As i had already handed in my letter of resignation, it was my last day and I went to drinks with my coworkers. My ex bf got very drunk. The boys were playing a game of who they thought was the most attractive ladies in the office. I rolled my eyes at my drunk bf when he decided to play the game and for some reason he flipped out and stormed out the pub. I ran after him. He told me ‘ now that youve got a new job you should just move on without me. I feel so much pressure in this relationship trying to choose dates’. He jumped onto the subway. I was supposed to be staying round his as it was my bday the next day. I was hysterical cos i couldnt believe i was ditched in the middle of the night. The next day came and it was my bday. He apologised for his behavoir but i felt like my bday was ruined. He wasnt doing anything to make it up to me. He said on the weekend he would take me out for my bday but his texts werent loving. I confronted him and said he wasnt making me feel special. He said he feels guilty for the way he acted and isnt in a good mood. I broke up with him cos i was just so depressed at how my bday was. I definitely overreacted. I contacted him the next day asking to get back. He said no. He said were too different and that he felt too much pressure in the relationship. I texted him non stop for a few days and he replied. I asked to get back together and he said no were better off as friends cos we dont handle arguements well. I disagree it was a one off bad arguement. i texted him for a few more days saying lets be friends. No reply. He now has blocked me.

What should i do now?

Sorry for the essay

tati

February 29, 2016 at 8:16 pm

hii Amor! Hope you’re well. I got impatient at the fact he was ignoring my text. So i called him after work and he picked up. He we spoke for 30 mins. He said he was ignoring me cos he thought if we tried talking again/ being friends that I would get my hopes up and think we were gettign back together. I reversed it on him and said what makes him so sure he wont fall back in love with me again. He said becuase we’ve tried once and it didnt work. I asked if there was any other reason he said no, youre perfect the way you are its just people who break up and try getting back together dont work. The topic changed and we spoke about loads of things made jokes and some were flirty but he would then say’ oh no crossing boundaries’ and laugh. So im going to read up on all the push and pull techniques and makesure i dont mess this up!

Thank you so much for all your help Amor! I know I’ve been bombarding you with message but you truly are the female hitch haha
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 2:40 pm

I really don’t think you need my help! But thank you.. you can do this yourself.. all you needed was an outsider’s perspective 🙂
tatianna

February 28, 2016 at 7:26 am

He’s still got me blocked on whatsapp and stuff. So don’t think the phone call made a difference. How long do I wait before sending a text? I feel like I’m just annoying him.
tatianna

February 27, 2016 at 8:57 am

Hi Amor, I called my ex bf today to leave a voicemail but he picked up! Ruined my plan! I literally said what I had planned on the voicemail. I did say oh did you pick up by accident he was like no… I called him at 8.30am in the morning he said he was sleeping but we spoke for 5 mins. I did the memory thing and said I was calling cos this song reminded me of one of his wacky dance moves and he laughed. I told him I was studying toward a professional qualification. He was like Ahh cool. He asked me why I was calling? Although I already said just to see how he was doing. So I just repeated myself saying I just wanted to see how you were doing and be cool with you. He was like I’m goood tati but I’m going back to sleep now. I think the convo was okay but I do think he picked up cos he probably thought it was an emergency cos I did call at 8.30am on a sat morning. Maybe he was really sleeping but I’m slightly paranoid he was pretending to so could end the convo/ he was with another girl? What do I do now? I don’t think he’s going to unblock me. Or contact me himself first. What do I do now?
tati

February 17, 2016 at 7:47 pm

Then should i just do a memory message then? say i was passing the place where we had our first date and thought i would see how you were doing? what should i do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 11:19 am

For me, that’s good..
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2016 at 11:50 am

Hi Tatiana,

I think it is better if you do nc, since you’re also blocked..It’s a cat and mouse chase with you two…

Amber

February 14, 2016 at 6:49 am

My ex and I have been texting and seeing each other occasionally for the past few months. Recently, he invited me to hang out with him and a friend. I read the article about how to get out of the friend zone, and I am wondering what advice you have for how I should act to make him feel attracted to me?

I have been working out, improved my grades, and have changed worked on my personality. When we dated I felt like I was the chaser and always sent lots of texts, etc. Now, I am much more relaxed and mature about things.

Amber

February 15, 2016 at 5:15 am

Thanks Amor! I’ll try that out
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2016 at 9:19 am

Hi Amber,

look your best and keep a little distance during the date, meaning don’t be all over him.. Initiate fun and include his friend.. Don’t put all your attention on him..

Sarah

February 14, 2016 at 6:27 am

Hi,
My ex boyfriend broke up because he couldn’t see the future with me.
I had been frustrated and difficult since my situation had changed, so we had been fighting recently.

When he broke up for the first time,he mentioned to be friends. But I said couldn’t be just friends, so we decided to talk it again.
After 3 times discussion, we broke up officially. He was crying so bad while we were talking and his decision seemed so stable.

Right next day of breaking up, he texted me ‘how’s going?’I ignored it.
3 days later, he texted me again ‘are you having ok week?’I kept trying NC.
But I response a week later, ‘I didnt know how to response…’like that.
Since then, we text each other everyday.

My question is
Do you think he really got over and Trying to be just friends?
Do I have any chance to change the situation to be romantic way?How?
Sarah

February 14, 2016 at 6:27 am

Hi,
My ex boyfriend broke up because he couldn’t see the future with me.
I had been frustrated and difficult since my situation had changed, so we had been fighting recently.

When he broke up for the first time,he mentioned to be friends. But I said couldn’t be just friends, so we decided to talk it again.
After 3 times discussion, we broke up officially. He was crying so bad while we were talking and his decision seemed so stable.

Right next day of breaking up, he texted me ‘how’s going?’I ignored it.
3 days later, he texted me again ‘are you having ok week?’I kept trying NC.
But I response a week later, ‘I didnt know how to response…’like that.
Since then, we text each other everyday.

My question is
Do you think he really got over and Trying to be just friends?
Do I have any chance to change the situation to be romantic way?How?
Lisa

February 14, 2016 at 1:34 am

Hi there. I feel like I have nothing left in me to get my ex back. But I want nothing more than to get him back. We were together for 5 years and he ended our relationship about 4 months ago with reasons like “it’s not you it’s me” and “I don’t feel the same anymore.” I did the 30 day NC rule on him. And tried starting conversations through text message. This has been hard because he has been responding to me very slowly. Although positive, the responses take forever and never give me much to continue the conversation. Since the NC rule, I have broken down twice. One time asking him if we can talk things through to which I got rejected. And the second time was when I was feeling really down and wanted to talk to him to which he replied “I can’t be the one that comforts you anymore, but I can be here for you as a friend only.” I haven’t spoken to him since this. He has broken me more than I could’ve ever been broken and I still want him back. I have so much confidence and hope for us but it keeps getting crushed time and time again. He has a Europe trip booked in June for 6 weeks so I feel like this a big resistance to getting back with me. Is there any hope left for me? What else can I do to try and get him back? It’s been nearly 5 months but I am still hurting a lot.

Lisa

February 17, 2016 at 12:37 pm

Thank you very much Amor. Yeah he did say we can be friends so I need to use that to my advantage. This has been very helpful and given me some hope and discipline to start fresh! I have both e-books songs time I actually become the UG. I hope I can comment here again soon in a few months with success 🙂
Lisa

February 16, 2016 at 2:42 am

Ok thank you greatly Amor. So, provided I successfully complete the 45 NC (the main goal being I move on from him and improve my self esteem), how do I proceed? By trying again to build rapport and attraction via text messages and following the standard “get your ex back” campaign? Sorry to be annoying. I am committed to not making any mistakes this time around and want to make sure I’ve got it right. Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 11:50 am

No, you’re not annoying! I understand..

Yeah, it’s like reconnecting to be friends again.. He also said, he’s open to that right? Build attraction from there but don’t ask him if you can go back together, instead make him feel that bay building the attraction again and being the ungettable girl..

You will still makr mistakes, because we’re not sure how he will react but that’s ok, because it will not be the same as before
Lisa

February 14, 2016 at 11:07 am

Thank you for the reply Amor. Appreciate it. Do you think I should go into NC again and just work on myself for the next few months? Do you think there is any point in trying to pursue him again after NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2016 at 10:13 am

yes I think you should go into nc again so that you can focus on moving on.. go for 45..and then during that don’t think about getting back with him… think about it when you know you love yourself more than he has loved you..
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2016 at 7:22 am

Hi Lisa,

June is too far to think about right now..Okay, honestly, you have to really try to move on now.. Nc doesn’t seem to take much effect with your self esteem and you went back to begging him again.. You have to learn to take care of yourself first.

And also, this can be confusing but if he said, you can be friends, then in a way, you’re still connected, when he sees you’ve truly moved on and you’re happy, that can be the time that he will try to come back because men want
beautiful things thay they know they can’t have.. if that happens don’t be surprised..but as of now, pushing further can only show him more that you’re not over him, even though it’s true

Kristen

February 11, 2016 at 6:25 am

Hi Amor and Chris,

My ex boyfriend and I have been broken up 5 months. I have completed NC and we have met up three times now. We have been affectionate with each other. He holds my hand, kisses me, etc. I should also say he’s been going through some health issues recently and has to have surgery next week. He’s been feeling really down. But overall things between us have been good the past few weeks. So two days ago, at 1 am he sends me a booty call text message and calls me on the phone. I answered the phone call because I thought it was an emergency. He didn’t say anything. I hung up and then I saw the text. It just said “come over”. So since I answered the phone call I felt I had to reply to the text. So I told him I couldn’t come over because it was so late. He hasn’t responded to me and it s been two days now. What should I do? Should I wait for him to contact me again? Or should I send him a friendly text soon? I’m trying to avoid a friends with benefits situation but I’m also trying to be supportive of his health issues and I want to keep hanging out with him. He has surgery next week. What should I do next now that he hasn’t responded to my text? Thanks!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 11, 2016 at 12:38 pm

For now, I thinks it’s better to wait

Kristen

February 11, 2016 at 6:25 am

Hi Amor and Chris,

My ex boyfriend and I have been broken up 5 months. I have completed NC and we have met up three times now. We have been affectionate with each other. He holds my hand, kisses me, etc. I should also say he’s been going through some health issues recently and has to have surgery next week. He’s been feeling really down. But overall things between us have been good the past few weeks. So two days ago, at 1 am he sends me a booty call text message and calls me on the phone. I answered the phone call because I thought it was an emergency. He didn’t say anything. I hung up and then I saw the text. It just said “come over”. So since I answered the phone call I felt I had to reply to the text. So I told him I couldn’t come over because it was so late. He hasn’t responded to me and it s been two days now. What should I do? Should I wait for him to contact me again? Or should I send him a friendly text soon? I’m trying to avoid a friends with benefits situation but I’m also trying to be supportive of his health issues and I want to keep hanging out with him. He has surgery next week. What should I do next now that he hasn’t responded to my text? Thanks!!

Kristen

February 11, 2016 at 6:06 pm

His surgery is next Tuesday. I would text until Monday night at the earliest.
Kristen

February 11, 2016 at 5:59 pm

Thanks for the advice. Would it be okay for me to send well wishes for his surgery? We have been in regular contact now for three weeks. It’s a cancer related surgery. Or no?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 12, 2016 at 10:14 am

For me yes, that’s major event.. Judt don’t reply of he replies
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 11, 2016 at 12:38 pm

For now, I thinks it’s better to wait

Rhiannon

February 11, 2016 at 2:03 am

Completely agree that being friends with an ex is a good thing, as long as you’re in it for the right reasons. Straight fresh out of the break up (ie – less then 30 days) may not be the wisest thing because your emotions are still going to dictate your actions and you may act jealous or foolish. Give it time, you ned your heart and head on he same page when you agree to be friends with him or it’ll make it awkward.

And its true about guys grieving if they do initiate the breakup. They do stupid things. I have a guy friend that would contact me after all his breakups and try to hook up. Only worked on me twice haha, but he did it to get over the initial pain of being lonely. Plus guys will flaunt going out, rarely post on their social media, or constantly post on social media. They however won’t post their feelings about a break up. They only do it cryptically. Usually through song is the dead give away.

If they do post their emotions… it’s always “I feel hopeless!” or “I’m lonely” or anything similar along those lines. Guys are simple like that… not as complex as women make them out to be at times.

If he is still in love with you, 9 times out of 10 I found out he will desperately try to stay friends with you and refuse to let you go after a breakup, especially if he broke up with you. He’s going to make it clear to you, my ex did: “Im sry. Im not going to unfriend you from anything fyi. (smiley face emoji) friends for life. (silly nerd happy face emoji)”.

He secretly hopes he’s wrong and that you two can one day work it out, but in the meantime really bond and become best friends to help build communication, trust, and companionship. During this time, he’ll 100% hide his dating life from you and all his friends, especially his family. More so he may not even date anyone. Guys may secretly hook up with other girls and do meaningless sex, just to i.e. over their sexual frustration. So don’t get bent out of shape ladies, you can’t mad at him, he’s your EX boyfriend, not your boyfriend. He may openly flirt with others, but he’ll never actually purpose anything. And it’s going to drive you crazy, but he’s hoping it will. That’s something I find passive-aggressive guys do when they are still in love with someone.

And he biggest clue of all: he respects your wishes. If you say you need to stop talking and need space, he’ll do it. But don’t expect him to contact you right back in hopes it’ll make him want you back, cause the guy is going to respect your wishes. So you have to do 30 days of no contact like Chris says.

Guys who are not in love with you anymore will throw out the “lets stay friends” with no real intention of it going past that stage because they already stop feeling for you before the break up and 100% friend zone you. They do it to preserve the friendship because he rally wants to be friends or to leave the future open for having sex with you. He also will flaunt his dating life, because he doesn’t care if it keeps breaking your heart.

Always know the difference before you agree to being his friends, because if you don’t know… don’t agree right away.

Guys don’t live in their heads like women and they don’t discuss how they “feel”. So they can for weeks pretend he isn’t hurt. Most are in denial to the pain right off the bat. And when it does come, its like a being knocked down by a 20 foot wave of emotions! This will happen more in the NO Contact stage because you’re not giving him attention. Which brings up his insecurities and wonder why YOU’RE not being needy. Even if you ask for space and he respects this, he’ll feel it. This is more true if all his ex’s after he breaks up with them were needy and didn’t do No Contact. This will make you stand out and special. And that kind of thinking does in fact start to stroke his ego sadly.
Rhiannon

February 11, 2016 at 2:03 am

Completely agree that being friends with an ex is a good thing, as long as you’re in it for the right reasons. Straight fresh out of the break up (ie – less then 30 days) may not be the wisest thing because your emotions are still going to dictate your actions and you may act jealous or foolish. Give it time, you ned your heart and head on he same page when you agree to be friends with him or it’ll make it awkward.

And its true about guys grieving if they do initiate the breakup. They do stupid things. I have a guy friend that would contact me after all his breakups and try to hook up. Only worked on me twice haha, but he did it to get over the initial pain of being lonely. Plus guys will flaunt going out, rarely post on their social media, or constantly post on social media. They however won’t post their feelings about a break up. They only do it cryptically. Usually through song is the dead give away.

If they do post their emotions… it’s always “I feel hopeless!” or “I’m lonely” or anything similar along those lines. Guys are simple like that… not as complex as women make them out to be at times.

If he is still in love with you, 9 times out of 10 I found out he will desperately try to stay friends with you and refuse to let you go after a breakup, especially if he broke up with you. He’s going to make it clear to you, my ex did: “Im sry. Im not going to unfriend you from anything fyi. (smiley face emoji) friends for life. (silly nerd happy face emoji)”.

He secretly hopes he’s wrong and that you two can one day work it out, but in the meantime really bond and become best friends to help build communication, trust, and companionship. During this time, he’ll 100% hide his dating life from you and all his friends, especially his family. More so he may not even date anyone. Guys may secretly hook up with other girls and do meaningless sex, just to i.e. over their sexual frustration. So don’t get bent out of shape ladies, you can’t mad at him, he’s your EX boyfriend, not your boyfriend. He may openly flirt with others, but he’ll never actually purpose anything. And it’s going to drive you crazy, but he’s hoping it will. That’s something I find passive-aggressive guys do when they are still in love with someone.

And he biggest clue of all: he respects your wishes. If you say you need to stop talking and need space, he’ll do it. But don’t expect him to contact you right back in hopes it’ll make him want you back, cause the guy is going to respect your wishes. So you have to do 30 days of no contact like Chris says.

Guys who are not in love with you anymore will throw out the “lets stay friends” with no real intention of it going past that stage because they already stop feeling for you before the break up and 100% friend zone you. They do it to preserve the friendship because he rally wants to be friends or to leave the future open for having sex with you. He also will flaunt his dating life, because he doesn’t care if it keeps breaking your heart.

Always know the difference before you agree to being his friends, because if you don’t know… don’t agree right away.

Guys don’t live in their heads like women and they don’t discuss how they “feel”. So they can for weeks pretend he isn’t hurt. Most are in denial to the pain right off the bat. And when it does come, its like a being knocked down by a 20 foot wave of emotions! This will happen more in the NO Contact stage because you’re not giving him attention. Which brings up his insecurities and wonder why YOU’RE not being needy. Even if you ask for space and he respects this, he’ll feel it. This is more true if all his ex’s after he breaks up with them were needy and didn’t do No Contact. This will make you stand out and special. And that kind of thinking does in fact start to stroke his ego sadly.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 10, 2016 at 1:16 pm

All but not at the same time..haha
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 10, 2016 at 1:16 pm

All but not at the same time..haha
Daisy

February 10, 2016 at 4:42 am

Hi Chris & Amor,

So I’ll try to be brief. After getting into a rebound relationship, my ex came back and said all the things we all hope our exes will say. The thing is though, he said he wanted to take things slow, and kind of kept me at arm’s length through the entire period we were sort of dating. During this time, we were never exclusive though he wasn’t seeing anyone else, and I made it clear several times I expected exclusivity. Well, over the holidays he went to his hometown where his family is, and while there ended up reconnecting with an ex he dated for 4 years in college (they broke up about 4 years ago). We hadn’t seen each other since before the holidays, and when he came back to town he avoided seeing me. Now I have confirmation (through a mutual friend) he’s trying to get back with her even though she lives 12 hours away. He admitted to our friend that I’m a “keeper” but so is she.

He never outright ended things with me, which makes me think I’m a back up option in case it doesn’t work with this girl. While I don’t find that at all appealing, I do still love him and want to one day be with him. I don’t know why they broke up in the past, all I know is how he was with me: the first time we dated, he told me he was in love with me and never had been before, and he told his closest friends he thought I could be the one. He never brought girls around to meet his friends here, but he did bring her around some of them when she was here several weekends ago. I’ve been in NC since it was clear he wasn’t making time for me, almost 4 weeks now. Given all that, what do you think the odds are for me here?

Daisy

February 27, 2016 at 7:34 am

So, I was right that he had ulterior motives. I began speaking with our mutual friend again, and I was told that his friends are under the impression his NY ex is using him and isn’t very into him, and she apparently told him that since things are so expensive in NY, that my ex is going to have to pay for everything. Additionally, my ex texted our mutual friend asking if he was going to see me this evening and if he could arrange it to where my ex and I happened to run into each other, so to speak. It ended up not happening tonight because our mutual friend got stuck with work. I’m curious to see if he continues trying to get in touch with me.
Daisy

February 21, 2016 at 9:04 am

Yes, that is true. He sent me a text last night saying he found my college class ring that I had left at his place prior to Christmas and asked if I wanted him to mail it to me. He never does anything without it benefitting him in some way (his words), and he contacted me the same evening one of our mutual friends (a guy) was supposed to hang out with me. That friend ditched our plans with no explanation even over 24 hours later, and that’s very unlike him. Also, he cleans his house all the time, there’s no way he just now found it a whole 2 months later. All of that together makes me think something is up and he wasn’t just innocently wanting to return my ring. It just all seems fishy to me. What do you think? I haven’t responded to him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2016 at 2:51 pm

that’s good..Keep being observant. Let’s wait for his next moves first to see what he really is aiming for
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 11, 2016 at 9:42 am

I think you’re right that he’s making you an option. It depends on you if you want to wait or walk away because you’re not the only choice

Daisy

February 10, 2016 at 4:42 am

Hi Chris & Amor,

So I’ll try to be brief. After getting into a rebound relationship, my ex came back and said all the things we all hope our exes will say. The thing is though, he said he wanted to take things slow, and kind of kept me at arm’s length through the entire period we were sort of dating. During this time, we were never exclusive though he wasn’t seeing anyone else, and I made it clear several times I expected exclusivity. Well, over the holidays he went to his hometown where his family is, and while there ended up reconnecting with an ex he dated for 4 years in college (they broke up about 4 years ago). We hadn’t seen each other since before the holidays, and when he came back to town he avoided seeing me. Now I have confirmation (through a mutual friend) he’s trying to get back with her even though she lives 12 hours away. He admitted to our friend that I’m a “keeper” but so is she.

He never outright ended things with me, which makes me think I’m a back up option in case it doesn’t work with this girl. While I don’t find that at all appealing, I do still love him and want to one day be with him. I don’t know why they broke up in the past, all I know is how he was with me: the first time we dated, he told me he was in love with me and never had been before, and he told his closest friends he thought I could be the one. He never brought girls around to meet his friends here, but he did bring her around some of them when she was here several weekends ago. I’ve been in NC since it was clear he wasn’t making time for me, almost 4 weeks now. Given all that, what do you think the odds are for me here?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2016 at 10:12 am

Hahaha! It’s not always going to be a free tickets and events you know? hahahaha! ButI get what you mean. I think age is also a factor. When were younger we are fickle minded
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2016 at 10:12 am

Hahaha! It’s not always going to be a free tickets and events you know? hahahaha! ButI get what you mean. I think age is also a factor. When were younger we are fickle minded

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