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Cheyenne
February 1, 2016 at 4:25 pm
Heyy, so umm my boyfriend broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. I kissed another guy and was drunk when I told him I did and he forgave me and moved past it pretty quickly. Too quickly to me. Then I realized I liked the guy so I asked my boyfriend for a break. About 18 hours after asking for the break he asked me to open up to him because he thought there was something I wasn’t telling him. So i was 100% honest and told him everything but ended up soundly like i was comparing them on the same level. He broke up with me but it wasn’t official since he wanted space to think and make a clear decision & he asked how i felt about him which i told him in great detail. He even said I seem to know him better than he thought. He called a day later and everything sounded like it was okay and that there was hope but In a space of two days I got that dreaded phone call telling me it was over and that he made up his mind. He said his reason was that I said I had feelings for another guy which was in fact a crush but because of actions it started to bother me. Anyways after heated arguments as to why and how and all that we said kind words to each other and said maybe the timing had been bad. I later found out from a friend that he said I’m a good person but I have habits (which he never told me whenever I asked) he’s not willing to stick around to see me change. We’ve already started to NC period but I’m left really confused as to where he stands since he says he thinks he’s made the right decision. I don’t know what to do or what to say at this point. Any pointers? We were really close friends and has gone through a lot together before the relationship.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 9:42 am
Hi Cheyenne,
Maybe he said a different reason to your friend because he’s being respectful to you. But you have to be clear on what you really want. While he sees you still like the other guy, he will keep on pulling away. You have to stay and cut ties with the other guy.. If you can have a seriius talk about that with ex instead of doing nc, that’s better.
Cheyenne
February 1, 2016 at 4:25 pm
Heyy, so umm my boyfriend broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. I kissed another guy and was drunk when I told him I did and he forgave me and moved past it pretty quickly. Too quickly to me. Then I realized I liked the guy so I asked my boyfriend for a break. About 18 hours after asking for the break he asked me to open up to him because he thought there was something I wasn’t telling him. So i was 100% honest and told him everything but ended up soundly like i was comparing them on the same level. He broke up with me but it wasn’t official since he wanted space to think and make a clear decision & he asked how i felt about him which i told him in great detail. He even said I seem to know him better than he thought. He called a day later and everything sounded like it was okay and that there was hope but In a space of two days I got that dreaded phone call telling me it was over and that he made up his mind. He said his reason was that I said I had feelings for another guy which was in fact a crush but because of actions it started to bother me. Anyways after heated arguments as to why and how and all that we said kind words to each other and said maybe the timing had been bad. I later found out from a friend that he said I’m a good person but I have habits (which he never told me whenever I asked) he’s not willing to stick around to see me change. We’ve already started to NC period but I’m left really confused as to where he stands since he says he thinks he’s made the right decision. I don’t know what to do or what to say at this point. Any pointers? We were really close friends and has gone through a lot together before the relationship.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 9:42 am
Hi Cheyenne,
Maybe he said a different reason to your friend because he’s being respectful to you. But you have to be clear on what you really want. While he sees you still like the other guy, he will keep on pulling away. You have to stay and cut ties with the other guy.. If you can have a seriius talk about that with ex instead of doing nc, that’s better.
Maddison
February 1, 2016 at 11:00 am
Hello,
My ex and I were together 2 years. Stuff had been rocky lately and he was straying (suspicion he was cheating) we lived together for 18 months. On Monday night last week I spent the night at my parents and he called me and said it was over. The next day he made me get my things. I called him a million times begging him to take me back like a pathetic loser. He told me that the reason we can’t be together is we are too different and I complain that we never spent time together anymore. I continued to try and contact him with no luck only to be told by his close friends he was already sleeping with other people 1 day after our breakup. He said we will never be together again and it breaks my heart. I love and adore this man and just want to know if there is any way at all to recover from what has happened. I have lost my home, my partner and my sanity! It’s been a week and I feel no healing in my heart as of yet
Please help me!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 3:55 am
Hi Maddison,
Sigh! I hate cheaters. But as of now, you have to get settled in your new place and definitely do nc. Do it for yourself to be independent again because the truth is right now, he’s in the honeymoon phase with her. Any attempt to contact him might seem like a move to get him back in his perspective.
Maddison
February 1, 2016 at 11:00 am
Hello,
My ex and I were together 2 years. Stuff had been rocky lately and he was straying (suspicion he was cheating) we lived together for 18 months. On Monday night last week I spent the night at my parents and he called me and said it was over. The next day he made me get my things. I called him a million times begging him to take me back like a pathetic loser. He told me that the reason we can’t be together is we are too different and I complain that we never spent time together anymore. I continued to try and contact him with no luck only to be told by his close friends he was already sleeping with other people 1 day after our breakup. He said we will never be together again and it breaks my heart. I love and adore this man and just want to know if there is any way at all to recover from what has happened. I have lost my home, my partner and my sanity! It’s been a week and I feel no healing in my heart as of yet
Please help me!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 3:55 am
Hi Maddison,
Sigh! I hate cheaters. But as of now, you have to get settled in your new place and definitely do nc. Do it for yourself to be independent again because the truth is right now, he’s in the honeymoon phase with her. Any attempt to contact him might seem like a move to get him back in his perspective.
KD
February 1, 2016 at 7:17 am
Hi Amor,
My boyfriend and I have been broken up for about 4-5 months now. In the last month, we have started talking more frequently and we have met up twice. But I still initiate the conversation 90% of the time. I have tried ending our conversations at the high point and leaving him wanting more. I have tried ignoring him for days in hopes he’ll initiate. What else can I do to get him to contact me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 2, 2016 at 11:15 am
Hi Kd,
Hmm.. aside fron leaving the conversation in high point, maybe you can also try leaving it in a cliff hanger sense. You know, a conversation the he woul love to hear what’s next
KD
February 1, 2016 at 7:17 am
Hi Amor,
My boyfriend and I have been broken up for about 4-5 months now. In the last month, we have started talking more frequently and we have met up twice. But I still initiate the conversation 90% of the time. I have tried ending our conversations at the high point and leaving him wanting more. I have tried ignoring him for days in hopes he’ll initiate. What else can I do to get him to contact me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 2, 2016 at 11:15 am
Hi Kd,
Hmm.. aside fron leaving the conversation in high point, maybe you can also try leaving it in a cliff hanger sense. You know, a conversation the he woul love to hear what’s next
Sara
February 1, 2016 at 2:59 am
Hello,
My boyfriend and I broke up about 3 weeks ago. We were together for almost 2 years. During those two years he constantly mentioned a future with me, right down to deciding what breed of dog we would get. This continued up until a week before our breakup. We were just about to be reunited after about 8 months of long distance when he stopped talking to me. I tried texting and calling him during that week but he was cold in his answers as to why he wasn’t talking to me and claimed he was too busy to reach out. We agreed to talk about it in person once we were together again. When we were finally in the same town, he broke up with me saying he no longer sees a future with me, when prior to the week of ignoring me he was talking about the things we would do when we were reunited. I have been doing no contact since the breakup moment and I have 10 days left. I have been trying to use social media to my advantage but he doesn’t like anything I post. I keep thinking deep down that there is no good reason for the breakup and aside from the fact that we struggled with communication during long distance, we were doing fine. He has not contacted me at all during the no contact period which is starting to make me worry that there is a different reason for our breakup and he won’t want to get back together. Do you have any advice for me?
Sara
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 1, 2016 at 12:53 pm
Hi Sara,
continue to finish nc first. Don’t jump to conclusions. Even though he doesn’t like your posts, it doean’t mean he’s not checking them
Sara
February 1, 2016 at 2:59 am
Hello,
My boyfriend and I broke up about 3 weeks ago. We were together for almost 2 years. During those two years he constantly mentioned a future with me, right down to deciding what breed of dog we would get. This continued up until a week before our breakup. We were just about to be reunited after about 8 months of long distance when he stopped talking to me. I tried texting and calling him during that week but he was cold in his answers as to why he wasn’t talking to me and claimed he was too busy to reach out. We agreed to talk about it in person once we were together again. When we were finally in the same town, he broke up with me saying he no longer sees a future with me, when prior to the week of ignoring me he was talking about the things we would do when we were reunited. I have been doing no contact since the breakup moment and I have 10 days left. I have been trying to use social media to my advantage but he doesn’t like anything I post. I keep thinking deep down that there is no good reason for the breakup and aside from the fact that we struggled with communication during long distance, we were doing fine. He has not contacted me at all during the no contact period which is starting to make me worry that there is a different reason for our breakup and he won’t want to get back together. Do you have any advice for me?
Sara
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 1, 2016 at 12:53 pm
Hi Sara,
continue to finish nc first. Don’t jump to conclusions. Even though he doesn’t like your posts, it doean’t mean he’s not checking them
Laura
January 31, 2016 at 8:51 pm
My long term bf – 5+ years together 4.5 living together – told me 6 months ago he was unhappy and unsure of our relationship. It came out that he was in what I believed to be a long distance, emotional affair, with a woman he met in a bar. He swore it wasn’t physical and it wasn’t the cause of his desire to leave. He stayed for 4 months and we went to counseling, which was not helpful. On the surface he was participating, but no progress was being made bc he wasn’t being truthful. He moved out 2 months ago – saying he needed more space. We continued going to weekly therapy though, until 2 weeks ago, when I found out he was in a sexual relationship with the woman from the summer.
I seems truly remorseful for hurting me, but also has not cut off this other relationship, though he claims it “means nothing”. In this long, drawn out process, I have of course committed all the 7 cardinal sins, up until about a week ago. He engages me, he always answers me calls, he comes over for dinner, etc… it is obvious he wants me in his life. He says he loves me still, he says I am his best friend, he says he misses me, he breaks down and sobs when he thinks about how he has hurt the ‘person he loves most in the world’.
It sound crazy that I want him back I know, but I love him and we share a life. And until 6 months ago, this man treated me like gold.
Is it too late to start the No Contact plan? Has too much damage been done?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 1, 2016 at 11:27 am
Hi Laura
I don’t think it’s too late but I agree that he seems confused because of the other girl but he can’t let you go totally.
Laura
January 31, 2016 at 8:51 pm
My long term bf – 5+ years together 4.5 living together – told me 6 months ago he was unhappy and unsure of our relationship. It came out that he was in what I believed to be a long distance, emotional affair, with a woman he met in a bar. He swore it wasn’t physical and it wasn’t the cause of his desire to leave. He stayed for 4 months and we went to counseling, which was not helpful. On the surface he was participating, but no progress was being made bc he wasn’t being truthful. He moved out 2 months ago – saying he needed more space. We continued going to weekly therapy though, until 2 weeks ago, when I found out he was in a sexual relationship with the woman from the summer.
I seems truly remorseful for hurting me, but also has not cut off this other relationship, though he claims it “means nothing”. In this long, drawn out process, I have of course committed all the 7 cardinal sins, up until about a week ago. He engages me, he always answers me calls, he comes over for dinner, etc… it is obvious he wants me in his life. He says he loves me still, he says I am his best friend, he says he misses me, he breaks down and sobs when he thinks about how he has hurt the ‘person he loves most in the world’.
It sound crazy that I want him back I know, but I love him and we share a life. And until 6 months ago, this man treated me like gold.
Is it too late to start the No Contact plan? Has too much damage been done?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 1, 2016 at 11:27 am
Hi Laura
I don’t think it’s too late but I agree that he seems confused because of the other girl but he can’t let you go totally.
Elin
January 31, 2016 at 4:42 pm
Hi. My ex broke up with me in october. We lived together for 2,5 years so we had to keep contact after the breakup for practical reasons.. I was also a GNAT.. purchased the exboyfriend recovery PRO and started the no contact for 30 days. After the NC I texted my ex accordingly to the guide.. it was a simple message saying i’d been out eating at our fav resturant and it made me think of him for the first time in a while. I got a positive response. A few days later I texted another one, got another positive response, but he stopped replying after 2 texts. I waited one week and I sent another text. He then replied saying this: “This is not ok. you’re more than welcome to text me but don’t text me “those things”. I think about you too sometimes but I choose not to text you”.
I wrote back saying ok pretty much…
I don’t know what to do now.. He seems pretty determined to get over me… 🙁 My hope seems to be completely lost?
I just don’t know how to go from here when he made it pretty clear that he doesnt want me to text him any “remember the good times”.. or good feeling text messages.. help :O
Elin
February 8, 2016 at 10:54 am
Hello. I’m struggling to find what you’re talking about.. I feel like until now I’ve followed both of the e-books completely but he’s just pushed me further away.. and even seeing new girls. I need advice to tackle this situation of mine. I don’t NEED him back but I WANT him in my life 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 9, 2016 at 7:05 am
Hmm, it means you have to avoid the remember me texts for now and go for the topics that he usually talks about, that he loves talking. Think about those topics that you know he just loves going on and on.
Elin
February 7, 2016 at 11:28 am
But how do I open up with something like that.. It’s been 2-3 weeks now since my last text.. I just don’t know how to or what to write? Can’t find this in the texting bible either… Please help
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2016 at 6:35 pm
Hi Elin,
You may check the first contact secrion in this blog post
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 3:36 am
Hi Elin,
I think he’s not taking it as a friendly text.. Go with friendlier texts like talking about topics that he loves but don’t mention that you’re topic about it because he loves it. Just go casually with it
Elin
January 31, 2016 at 4:42 pm
Hi. My ex broke up with me in october. We lived together for 2,5 years so we had to keep contact after the breakup for practical reasons.. I was also a GNAT.. purchased the exboyfriend recovery PRO and started the no contact for 30 days. After the NC I texted my ex accordingly to the guide.. it was a simple message saying i’d been out eating at our fav resturant and it made me think of him for the first time in a while. I got a positive response. A few days later I texted another one, got another positive response, but he stopped replying after 2 texts. I waited one week and I sent another text. He then replied saying this: “This is not ok. you’re more than welcome to text me but don’t text me “those things”. I think about you too sometimes but I choose not to text you”.
I wrote back saying ok pretty much…
I don’t know what to do now.. He seems pretty determined to get over me… 🙁 My hope seems to be completely lost?
I just don’t know how to go from here when he made it pretty clear that he doesnt want me to text him any “remember the good times”.. or good feeling text messages.. help :O
Elin
February 8, 2016 at 10:54 am
Hello. I’m struggling to find what you’re talking about.. I feel like until now I’ve followed both of the e-books completely but he’s just pushed me further away.. and even seeing new girls. I need advice to tackle this situation of mine. I don’t NEED him back but I WANT him in my life 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 9, 2016 at 7:05 am
Hmm, it means you have to avoid the remember me texts for now and go for the topics that he usually talks about, that he loves talking. Think about those topics that you know he just loves going on and on.
Elin
February 7, 2016 at 11:28 am
But how do I open up with something like that.. It’s been 2-3 weeks now since my last text.. I just don’t know how to or what to write? Can’t find this in the texting bible either… Please help
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2016 at 6:35 pm
Hi Elin,
You may check the first contact secrion in this blog post
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 3:36 am
Hi Elin,
I think he’s not taking it as a friendly text.. Go with friendlier texts like talking about topics that he loves but don’t mention that you’re topic about it because he loves it. Just go casually with it
Emily
January 30, 2016 at 5:35 pm
Hi Chris and Amor, We were together for six months but my ex and I never officially broke up. I assumed our relationship was over when he was completely ignoring my texts and phone calls. I tried to reach out because I didn’t know what was going on with us and assumed he met someone else. Three months go by, he calls me then he texts me. I noticed he called/texted same night. I was like huh? What’s his motive? I wait a day then I call him. On the phone over our convo, small talk how’s my family, school, work, dating/love life. Uncomfortable with the rapid fire questions I asked him why he called. He actually apologized and admitted he was wrong for the way things ended. He was sorry that he didn’t talk to me face to face. Then he said we’re in different phases of our lives. I’m in college and he’s looking to start a family/married within the next year. After we talked on phone, he reaches out again and texts me. I messed up when we hooked up twice afterwards. I feel so guilty, but he reaches out and texts me first. Do you think I do no contact rule after all this?
Emily
February 8, 2016 at 5:09 pm
He texted me late on Saturday. I didn’t notice it until yesterday. Went back and forth. Hooked up again. I texted him when I got home. I asked him if we’re together and if he’d give us a try. He said we’re in different stages of our lives. I told him that I’m confused. I don’t know what we are. He said that he’d thought he was clear when he apologized earlier for break up, but he wants to move forward with his business and start a family/get married. I asked him if he’s willing to wait. He does not want to so then I told so you want to be friends with benefits, use me for sex, then once you meet someone else I’d disappear. He said that was wrong. He cares about me and wants me to have a good future. I told him I’m frustrated that age gap is reason why we can’t be together. I thought maybe there was possibility we’d get back together so I was just enjoying every moment and seeing where this goes but I couldn’t do this anymore and if he doesn’t see us building future togther. He said if I was uncomfortable and that he’d understood but given circumstances. I said this isn’t easy for me to say but I think it’s best we both stop and move on. I just want you to be healthy and happy.
Emily
February 7, 2016 at 8:32 pm
6 days
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 8, 2016 at 6:08 am
Hmm.. If he’s playing a game then he should have contacted by now or met you more but text you less. Maybe he wants to take it slow, maybe he noticed it in himself that he’s acting more sweet lately. It’s a good thing that at least he’s keeping tabs on you in social media, in that way you know you can reconnect slowly again. You said, you never initiate contact right? And you also said, when you were together there were he’d be cold, those cold phases was it the times when he was busiest with business? Because, if so, then he maybe busy right now. The safest is to wait another week, So, that means it would be two weeks after the dinner, if after that he still hasn’t initiated contact, maybe you can to initiate then.
Emily
February 6, 2016 at 9:45 pm
Hi Amor,
Since my ex and I had dinner at his place, we haven’t talked. No texts. No phone calls at all this week. Usually he’ll do three or four days before messaging me. NC 🙁 But when I post on Instagram, he’ll like every other post but it seems like he’s keeping tabs. I don’t get what’s going on. Even when we were together he would be affectionate and sweet. Other times he’d be cold. Perhaps he’s busy with work but what should I do? From his perspective, do you think he’s confused and having second thoughts about getting back to together? Or is he playing a game?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2016 at 3:54 pm
how many days has it been since the dinner?
Emily
February 2, 2016 at 3:36 pm
Hi Amor,
He did not clarify that he’s willing to wait for me. It’s not clear what we are. On Sunday, he texts me about his business and what his goals are for this year. He sends me a link to a video he pitches to executives for business. I text him back and ask him three questions about the video. 1) how this video showcases his coaching methods to top level executives 2) how does this video stand out from the rest of the competition 3) do you write your goals everyday? He answered yes to all of them and told me he has a good meeting with someone in HR from company he’s been trying to contact. I ask him about his game but it rained so it was cancelled. Then he offers to cook dinner at his place like before. I don’t know how to approach him but since we started seeing each other again. I don’t initiate communication first. I leave it up to him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 2:31 pm
Hi Emily,
I just find it funny that he answered yes to a how question. But nonetheless, I think you’re doing great. He’s even cooking for you. So play this right. That means don’t go acting like you want him back badly. Just enjoy every moment.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 31, 2016 at 3:31 am
Hi Emily,
When he said he stopped contacting you because you were in different phases in life, did he clarify now that he’s willing to wait for you?
Emily
January 30, 2016 at 5:35 pm
Hi Chris and Amor, We were together for six months but my ex and I never officially broke up. I assumed our relationship was over when he was completely ignoring my texts and phone calls. I tried to reach out because I didn’t know what was going on with us and assumed he met someone else. Three months go by, he calls me then he texts me. I noticed he called/texted same night. I was like huh? What’s his motive? I wait a day then I call him. On the phone over our convo, small talk how’s my family, school, work, dating/love life. Uncomfortable with the rapid fire questions I asked him why he called. He actually apologized and admitted he was wrong for the way things ended. He was sorry that he didn’t talk to me face to face. Then he said we’re in different phases of our lives. I’m in college and he’s looking to start a family/married within the next year. After we talked on phone, he reaches out again and texts me. I messed up when we hooked up twice afterwards. I feel so guilty, but he reaches out and texts me first. Do you think I do no contact rule after all this?
Emily
February 8, 2016 at 5:09 pm
He texted me late on Saturday. I didn’t notice it until yesterday. Went back and forth. Hooked up again. I texted him when I got home. I asked him if we’re together and if he’d give us a try. He said we’re in different stages of our lives. I told him that I’m confused. I don’t know what we are. He said that he’d thought he was clear when he apologized earlier for break up, but he wants to move forward with his business and start a family/get married. I asked him if he’s willing to wait. He does not want to so then I told so you want to be friends with benefits, use me for sex, then once you meet someone else I’d disappear. He said that was wrong. He cares about me and wants me to have a good future. I told him I’m frustrated that age gap is reason why we can’t be together. I thought maybe there was possibility we’d get back together so I was just enjoying every moment and seeing where this goes but I couldn’t do this anymore and if he doesn’t see us building future togther. He said if I was uncomfortable and that he’d understood but given circumstances. I said this isn’t easy for me to say but I think it’s best we both stop and move on. I just want you to be healthy and happy.
Emily
February 7, 2016 at 8:32 pm
6 days
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 8, 2016 at 6:08 am
Hmm.. If he’s playing a game then he should have contacted by now or met you more but text you less. Maybe he wants to take it slow, maybe he noticed it in himself that he’s acting more sweet lately. It’s a good thing that at least he’s keeping tabs on you in social media, in that way you know you can reconnect slowly again. You said, you never initiate contact right? And you also said, when you were together there were he’d be cold, those cold phases was it the times when he was busiest with business? Because, if so, then he maybe busy right now. The safest is to wait another week, So, that means it would be two weeks after the dinner, if after that he still hasn’t initiated contact, maybe you can to initiate then.
Emily
February 6, 2016 at 9:45 pm
Hi Amor,
Since my ex and I had dinner at his place, we haven’t talked. No texts. No phone calls at all this week. Usually he’ll do three or four days before messaging me. NC 🙁 But when I post on Instagram, he’ll like every other post but it seems like he’s keeping tabs. I don’t get what’s going on. Even when we were together he would be affectionate and sweet. Other times he’d be cold. Perhaps he’s busy with work but what should I do? From his perspective, do you think he’s confused and having second thoughts about getting back to together? Or is he playing a game?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2016 at 3:54 pm
how many days has it been since the dinner?
Emily
February 2, 2016 at 3:36 pm
Hi Amor,
He did not clarify that he’s willing to wait for me. It’s not clear what we are. On Sunday, he texts me about his business and what his goals are for this year. He sends me a link to a video he pitches to executives for business. I text him back and ask him three questions about the video. 1) how this video showcases his coaching methods to top level executives 2) how does this video stand out from the rest of the competition 3) do you write your goals everyday? He answered yes to all of them and told me he has a good meeting with someone in HR from company he’s been trying to contact. I ask him about his game but it rained so it was cancelled. Then he offers to cook dinner at his place like before. I don’t know how to approach him but since we started seeing each other again. I don’t initiate communication first. I leave it up to him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 2:31 pm
Hi Emily,
I just find it funny that he answered yes to a how question. But nonetheless, I think you’re doing great. He’s even cooking for you. So play this right. That means don’t go acting like you want him back badly. Just enjoy every moment.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 31, 2016 at 3:31 am
Hi Emily,
When he said he stopped contacting you because you were in different phases in life, did he clarify now that he’s willing to wait for you?
Elena
January 30, 2016 at 1:50 am
Hi
I dated my ex for a year, broke up in August and came out of Nc After 6 wks at the end of September. Since then we have had about 8-9 meet ups and both Initiate contact with each other. Problem is I feel in a perpetual state of limbo not knowing if this is going anywhere. We have never talked about the breakup really not about whether or not we are “friends” or what. He seems to rely on me a lot for emotional support, i.e. Becoming a needy baby when he’s got a cold and telling me all his career woes. I might be friend boxed but I can’t really tell. We havent kissed or been intimate since the break up. There’s a lot of highs and lows with this situation and the last few weeks have been feeling low. I don’t want to bring it up to him and freak him out but i just feel so confused all the time. I don’t think he wants the commitment. In December he told me there “hasn’t been anyone else” but I feel like it’s just a matter of time and I’m going round in circles with him!
Elena
January 31, 2016 at 1:46 pm
He does talk to me about intimate things just not regarding us. So it’s clear he still trusts me and values my opinion but that could just be because we know each other so well.
Elena
January 31, 2016 at 1:45 pm
We haven’t been romantic and his flirting has completely stopped this month. He’s depressed about work/life woes and uses me as an emotional dumping ground at times. I think we may be in contact because he is a bit lonely. I think I may need to start becoming more unavailable to him to give him the fear of losing me… But I can’t tell. I just don’t know if he is even considering us being back together…
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 30, 2016 at 2:57 pm
HI Elena,
Does it look you’ve been friendzone? Or you are actually more intimate with each other but he hasn’t really just taken it to the next step of asking to be back together again?
Elena
January 30, 2016 at 1:50 am
Hi
I dated my ex for a year, broke up in August and came out of Nc After 6 wks at the end of September. Since then we have had about 8-9 meet ups and both Initiate contact with each other. Problem is I feel in a perpetual state of limbo not knowing if this is going anywhere. We have never talked about the breakup really not about whether or not we are “friends” or what. He seems to rely on me a lot for emotional support, i.e. Becoming a needy baby when he’s got a cold and telling me all his career woes. I might be friend boxed but I can’t really tell. We havent kissed or been intimate since the break up. There’s a lot of highs and lows with this situation and the last few weeks have been feeling low. I don’t want to bring it up to him and freak him out but i just feel so confused all the time. I don’t think he wants the commitment. In December he told me there “hasn’t been anyone else” but I feel like it’s just a matter of time and I’m going round in circles with him!
Elena
January 31, 2016 at 1:46 pm
He does talk to me about intimate things just not regarding us. So it’s clear he still trusts me and values my opinion but that could just be because we know each other so well.
Elena
January 31, 2016 at 1:45 pm
We haven’t been romantic and his flirting has completely stopped this month. He’s depressed about work/life woes and uses me as an emotional dumping ground at times. I think we may be in contact because he is a bit lonely. I think I may need to start becoming more unavailable to him to give him the fear of losing me… But I can’t tell. I just don’t know if he is even considering us being back together…
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 30, 2016 at 2:57 pm
HI Elena,
Does it look you’ve been friendzone? Or you are actually more intimate with each other but he hasn’t really just taken it to the next step of asking to be back together again?
Sara
January 29, 2016 at 2:43 pm
Hi Chris,
My ex broke up with me on New Years.. or rather I broke up with him in a drunken fit of insecurity, walked off and he doesn’t want me back. We’ve been on and off for the better part of four years now. We last broke up from July 2014 – May 2015 and we thought we had it in the bag this last time around.
He has anxiety issues and I have recently learned (through the breakup process) that I have some insecurities and fears of abandonment. The second I feel criticized or uncomfortable I cut loose and run – in my head I didnt see how/that he could possibly love me despite my flaws and I wanted to leave him before he could leave me. This reaction only ever lasted a few minutes – sometimes up to a couple of hours in extreme cases – but I’d always come back apologizing and he’d always take me back.
He’s been telling me for months though that he can’t take it any more. It’s too hard on his head to have me constantly slip through his fingers like that. And I did it again on new years – drunk and dramatic, and to an extent in front of his friends. That was his last straw. I was so nervous about making a good impression that the second I realized I’d had too much and was up dancing like a fool and making an idiot of myself, I freaked. I just got my things together and left. He begged me not to. Chased me down the street. Called. Texted. And in that half hour of running away and not responding to him, my damage had been done. Too many instances of running away and too many broken promises of never doing it again.
I meant it when I made those promises. Every time he begged me to stop running away; he warned me that this would happen. I’ve known for a long time that I’ve needed to change that behaviour. Unfortunately it wasn’t until this time around that I’ve decided to seek help and read books and keep a journal to deal with the root cause of the problem rather than trying to change the behavioural outcome alone.
Anyway, it’s 29 days today and he still doesn’t want me back. He told me that he takes the long way to work so that he doesn’t have to drive by my house and see my car. He stopped following me on social media the other day because he misinterpreted a picture that I took as me going hiking with another guy. He says he doesn’t want or need to see what I’m up to. Said he’s “done his time with me” and to go find a guy who will take me on hikes.
I haven’t given him more than a week without contact. I just came across the 30-day rule today. A week after the breakup I showed up at his house begging and crying. He wouldn’t hug me back. Gave me back all of my things. It killed me to see how much damage I’ve done. This guy loves me so much. It might be worthwhile to add that he doesn’t love himself very well though.
I’ve been reading a book called “Seat of the Soul” by Gary Zukav and I sent him pictures of a couple of pages of it last week. Asked if he believes in soul mates (he says he does). The conversation sent him off the deep end – he told me his anxiety meds weren’t working and he didn’t have much time for bullshit because he was just trying not to “do himself in”. I sent a subsequent email telling him how amazing I think he is and encouraging him to do something good for himself. Well after that I didn’t hear from him for 4 days and it sent me to showing up at his house (again) with a couple of treats and something of his mom’s that I had borrowed. He wasn’t there, but she was. She told me that he was ok. He had gone away for the weekend and emailed me saying thank you as soon as he got back.
Two days later is when the stupid social media thing happened. I asked him why he unfollowed me and got the explanation of him not wanting to see what I’m up to. I didn’t get emotional about it. I understood that he’d probably done it thinking that I was out with another guy, so I made sure to clarify that it was just a female friend with short hair. He told me he needs space – that I haven’t given him enough and that the whole point of this is to get away from me. Hearing from me sets him off. He doesn’t see any possible way for this to work out.
In the good part of our relationship, I’m supportive and compassionate. I help him see the positive in things when his anxiety gets the best of him. We have very similar life values and want the same direction for our future (as far as I know).
Maybe I’m overly optimistic but I see it as a good thing that we bring to surface each others demons sometimes. It forces us to deal with them. He almost lost me with his anxiety attacks, but we worked through it. I just wish he’d work with me the same way on this… or maybe he’s still teaching me in his absence. I just don’t know what to do. Is it too late to implement the 30-day NC rule?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 30, 2016 at 11:11 am
Hi Sara,
I don’t think it’s too late. But maybe even just 21 days will do. Make that 21 days worth it for the both you. It’s clear that he’s just had enough and needs to take a break. Abd Don’t do the jealous approach for him. It’s better if you’re social media posts relate to your change and your learnings. But don’t address it to him of course. I’m rooting for the both of you! It’s nice to see two people striving hard to work on their shortcomings. Don’t beat yourself too much. Everybody reaches this point in life. It’s your life’s turning point. So, stay strong.
Sara
January 29, 2016 at 2:43 pm
Hi Chris,
My ex broke up with me on New Years.. or rather I broke up with him in a drunken fit of insecurity, walked off and he doesn’t want me back. We’ve been on and off for the better part of four years now. We last broke up from July 2014 – May 2015 and we thought we had it in the bag this last time around.
He has anxiety issues and I have recently learned (through the breakup process) that I have some insecurities and fears of abandonment. The second I feel criticized or uncomfortable I cut loose and run – in my head I didnt see how/that he could possibly love me despite my flaws and I wanted to leave him before he could leave me. This reaction only ever lasted a few minutes – sometimes up to a couple of hours in extreme cases – but I’d always come back apologizing and he’d always take me back.
He’s been telling me for months though that he can’t take it any more. It’s too hard on his head to have me constantly slip through his fingers like that. And I did it again on new years – drunk and dramatic, and to an extent in front of his friends. That was his last straw. I was so nervous about making a good impression that the second I realized I’d had too much and was up dancing like a fool and making an idiot of myself, I freaked. I just got my things together and left. He begged me not to. Chased me down the street. Called. Texted. And in that half hour of running away and not responding to him, my damage had been done. Too many instances of running away and too many broken promises of never doing it again.
I meant it when I made those promises. Every time he begged me to stop running away; he warned me that this would happen. I’ve known for a long time that I’ve needed to change that behaviour. Unfortunately it wasn’t until this time around that I’ve decided to seek help and read books and keep a journal to deal with the root cause of the problem rather than trying to change the behavioural outcome alone.
Anyway, it’s 29 days today and he still doesn’t want me back. He told me that he takes the long way to work so that he doesn’t have to drive by my house and see my car. He stopped following me on social media the other day because he misinterpreted a picture that I took as me going hiking with another guy. He says he doesn’t want or need to see what I’m up to. Said he’s “done his time with me” and to go find a guy who will take me on hikes.
I haven’t given him more than a week without contact. I just came across the 30-day rule today. A week after the breakup I showed up at his house begging and crying. He wouldn’t hug me back. Gave me back all of my things. It killed me to see how much damage I’ve done. This guy loves me so much. It might be worthwhile to add that he doesn’t love himself very well though.
I’ve been reading a book called “Seat of the Soul” by Gary Zukav and I sent him pictures of a couple of pages of it last week. Asked if he believes in soul mates (he says he does). The conversation sent him off the deep end – he told me his anxiety meds weren’t working and he didn’t have much time for bullshit because he was just trying not to “do himself in”. I sent a subsequent email telling him how amazing I think he is and encouraging him to do something good for himself. Well after that I didn’t hear from him for 4 days and it sent me to showing up at his house (again) with a couple of treats and something of his mom’s that I had borrowed. He wasn’t there, but she was. She told me that he was ok. He had gone away for the weekend and emailed me saying thank you as soon as he got back.
Two days later is when the stupid social media thing happened. I asked him why he unfollowed me and got the explanation of him not wanting to see what I’m up to. I didn’t get emotional about it. I understood that he’d probably done it thinking that I was out with another guy, so I made sure to clarify that it was just a female friend with short hair. He told me he needs space – that I haven’t given him enough and that the whole point of this is to get away from me. Hearing from me sets him off. He doesn’t see any possible way for this to work out.
In the good part of our relationship, I’m supportive and compassionate. I help him see the positive in things when his anxiety gets the best of him. We have very similar life values and want the same direction for our future (as far as I know).
Maybe I’m overly optimistic but I see it as a good thing that we bring to surface each others demons sometimes. It forces us to deal with them. He almost lost me with his anxiety attacks, but we worked through it. I just wish he’d work with me the same way on this… or maybe he’s still teaching me in his absence. I just don’t know what to do. Is it too late to implement the 30-day NC rule?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 30, 2016 at 11:11 am
Hi Sara,
I don’t think it’s too late. But maybe even just 21 days will do. Make that 21 days worth it for the both you. It’s clear that he’s just had enough and needs to take a break. Abd Don’t do the jealous approach for him. It’s better if you’re social media posts relate to your change and your learnings. But don’t address it to him of course. I’m rooting for the both of you! It’s nice to see two people striving hard to work on their shortcomings. Don’t beat yourself too much. Everybody reaches this point in life. It’s your life’s turning point. So, stay strong.
Jane
January 29, 2016 at 2:38 pm
Hello Chris/Amor,
Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 years and we have broken up a couple times and gotten back together and were able to work it out. However this past weekend I wasn’t feeling great and wanted to see him after work and he said okay, and when he got off he told me he was going out to the bar instead and understandably I got upset that I was basically ditched and on top of that I wasn’t feeling well, so the next day I told him that I was upset and that it bothered me and it set him off saying that I’m intentionally trying to guilt trip him when I was just trying to talk it out and he stopped talking to me and when I saw him again he told me he didn’t care and that he doesn’t want me anymore and that we are never going to get back together again and that he doesn’t want me in his life at all anymore and I can’t help but thinking that he’s just being dramatic, while he says that it’s not the fight that broke us up, he had been thinking about it for awhile, but it just came out of nowhere. I still want to work thins out with him. Do you think that this is a hopeless cause or something I can try to mend yet? I’ve already failed at NC with me crying and begging for him back and saying that I just want to work it out and giving him a CD of our songs so I’m sure he’s annoyed and even more distant from me at this point.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 30, 2016 at 10:51 am
Hi jane,
Before the ditching incident, do you fight often? Because from your story it sounds like just because of one fight, your emotions escalated
Jane
January 29, 2016 at 2:38 pm
Hello Chris/Amor,
Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 years and we have broken up a couple times and gotten back together and were able to work it out. However this past weekend I wasn’t feeling great and wanted to see him after work and he said okay, and when he got off he told me he was going out to the bar instead and understandably I got upset that I was basically ditched and on top of that I wasn’t feeling well, so the next day I told him that I was upset and that it bothered me and it set him off saying that I’m intentionally trying to guilt trip him when I was just trying to talk it out and he stopped talking to me and when I saw him again he told me he didn’t care and that he doesn’t want me anymore and that we are never going to get back together again and that he doesn’t want me in his life at all anymore and I can’t help but thinking that he’s just being dramatic, while he says that it’s not the fight that broke us up, he had been thinking about it for awhile, but it just came out of nowhere. I still want to work thins out with him. Do you think that this is a hopeless cause or something I can try to mend yet? I’ve already failed at NC with me crying and begging for him back and saying that I just want to work it out and giving him a CD of our songs so I’m sure he’s annoyed and even more distant from me at this point.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 30, 2016 at 10:51 am
Hi jane,
Before the ditching incident, do you fight often? Because from your story it sounds like just because of one fight, your emotions escalated