Is It Even Possible To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back? Breaking Down Preconceived Notions

558 thoughts on “Is It Even Possible To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back?”

Rabbit

February 24, 2016 at 4:07 am

he broke up with me 3 mths ago……… i commit all the deadly sins ….. and he told all his friends that he hates me and gossip about the most nasty things about me ……. after i did NC , he text me a few times and i tot he is interested in me. So we had sex 1 time after the NC . After that i found out actually he started dating a new girl who is preetier than me and he is so crazy over her but the girl was overseas… i found out he told alot of bad things about me to all his friends and telling them that he text me because he ” pity ” me… after i found out all the horrible things he did to me and said behind my back and i wad shock about the new girl…..i could not talk it any longer (this was after the 1mth NC) ….. I TEXTED him about 25 messages scolding him and asking him why he’s been talkingso horrible things about to everyone and on the surface pretending his kind to me and care about me …. i also scolded him that i found out about his new girlfriend and asking him why is he so shallow etc . anw i scolded and swear so much till he block me …. i know it was a big mistake on my side but he is clearly a jerk i found out a pile of lies he told me earlier….. i feel better after shouting everything out that i have been enduring his flity behaviour so far.. and he is so shallow and fall in love so easily! rightnow i feel abit regret as he hated me even more and wil talk behindmy back even more…. he said im not suitable to comment anything and he don’t care what i think or feel about his new girl. And he said i don’t care about what u say….. just simply fuck off. what should i do now ? I must be the most crazy exgirlfriend now on earth. Please help me .we have been fighting for so long. What should i do now….

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 12:30 pm

Hi Rabbit,

after what he did, is he worth it to go back to?

C

February 23, 2016 at 3:36 pm

Hi! I got my boyfriend back! However in the last few days I’ve been so anxious about us and how it will end up, I think I’ve acted a bit weird. As if in, he has had to reassure me on multiple occasions. I really don’t want to mess this up now. I don’t want him to think I’m just a wreck and he has the upper hand. How can I reel this in?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 9:21 am

That’s good! but what are you anxious about?

C

February 23, 2016 at 3:36 pm

Hi! I got my boyfriend back! However in the last few days I’ve been so anxious about us and how it will end up, I think I’ve acted a bit weird. As if in, he has had to reassure me on multiple occasions. I really don’t want to mess this up now. I don’t want him to think I’m just a wreck and he has the upper hand. How can I reel this in?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 9:21 am

That’s good! but what are you anxious about?

Anon

February 22, 2016 at 3:44 pm

Hi Chris & team, Firstly can I say what an absolute gem your website is, it has honestly given me support and hope when friends and family haven’t been able to and your insight into the male mind during a breakup has been so helpful!!! Is there an email address I could put my situation across to? I just feel some of the key details you may need would give me away if somebody I know were to stumble upon this!! I wouldn’t expect a lengthy reply just your opinion on if you feel I am wasting my time with my ex who I believe had GIGS. Thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2016 at 1:16 pm

Hi

yes we have.. you can email it here
[email protected]

Anon

February 22, 2016 at 3:44 pm

Hi Chris & team, Firstly can I say what an absolute gem your website is, it has honestly given me support and hope when friends and family haven’t been able to and your insight into the male mind during a breakup has been so helpful!!! Is there an email address I could put my situation across to? I just feel some of the key details you may need would give me away if somebody I know were to stumble upon this!! I wouldn’t expect a lengthy reply just your opinion on if you feel I am wasting my time with my ex who I believe had GIGS. Thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2016 at 1:16 pm

Hi

yes we have.. you can email it here
[email protected]

Erm36

February 22, 2016 at 9:05 am

I broke no contact at 21 days w ex of 2.5 years. We are 30, and have broken up multiple times. We had been fighting a lot and he felt I might move. Additionally his needs were not being met, I was not a good girlfriend. I think I might’ve blown chances too many times but id like to try because I’m doing things differently (counseling etc). He said it was too little too late but he said I was saying and doing everything he had wanted me to do before. I’ve used no contact before and he knows that I do this to move on. I made it clear we couldn’t be friends. He was so sad about this and really wanted me to stay in his life. But he didn’t seem happy to hear from me when I texted. In a moment of weakness I texted after seeing he went to a special event on social media (we don’t follow each other but follow a blog and he commented last on picture so it came up in my feed and I took a screenshot and asked about going. It was a moment of weakness. He responded and answered the question thoroughly about the event (a secret concert w a favorite band). But he didn’t seem happy to hear from me. I wasn’t sure how to be flirty, maybe i broke nc too soon. I responded saying I wished I went and I was happy he saw it, sorry I missed if and I was trying to do more stuff like that. He responded again in response to mine confirming it was great and how he knew about it, which wasn’t totally necessary but he’s polite and I think he cares enough to not not respond. He responded to the texts 6 or so hours later both times. It is possible per social media he just started seeing someone, or at least very interested eventually. I’m just not sure if I should restart NC, let it go because it’s unrepairable,or wait and try to be flirty. It seems futile per our past at times! Thanks!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2016 at 1:19 pm

Hi Em36,

I don’t thunk you need to restart..but wait for another week before sending another one

Natalie

February 21, 2016 at 3:35 pm

My bf and I of 4 months recently broke up. The break up happened about a month ago and I am still really torn up over it. After a day of doing the standard recently broken up with desperate girlfriend stuff, I initiated no contact…sort of..the problem is we are in the same school program and I have to see him every single day, sometimes all day long. He has contacted me a few times…once asking if we we could be friends yet (to which I said no) and a few other times with school related questions (I answered, but kept the conversations brief and impersonal). Seeing him every day is making it extremely hard to recover from this. I am constantly hoping that he will change his mind. And I am always worried that he is with someone else. I want to know where his head is at with everything…but I know I’m not prepared to hear anything other than what I want to hear. Do you have any advice on how I should navigate this situation?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2016 at 9:10 am

Hi Natalie,

it’s ok that you’re school mates.. just don’t talk to him and keep your distance.. only talk about school matter and be busy on oher activities to improve youeself.. have a make over.. join an org.. build a new skills and hobbies

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2016 at 12:16 pm

I agree with the transition thing.. maybe use another way.. hmm.. something that you’ve been talking about lately that is descriptive
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2016 at 12:16 pm

I agree with the transition thing.. maybe use another way.. hmm.. something that you’ve been talking about lately that is descriptive
Saffron

February 20, 2016 at 11:06 am

Hi,

So me and my ex met in 2014, we were friends for a month or two before finally dating for a year. During the first month of our relationship, he cheated on me with one of my close friends. I was broken but I took him back because I loved him. Our relationship generally was good, we did argue a lot but we solved and worked through our issues. It’s fair to say we both hurt each other and we both caused fights and pain. In November 2015, I kinda messed up and said some pretty stupid stuff which hurt him and lead him to take a break. So we took a break for a month or so, and when that was done, he decided it would be best to stay friends. So we did. I do admit the few breaks he had was due to the fact I said and did stupid stuff which hurt him. He told me he wanted a break to have time to himself but I didn’t understand that at the time and instead took it as something that was wrong with me and he didn’t want to be with me anymore. But we spoke and became friends again. However, in January, we argued again and he took a third break, and just recently we argued and he wanted a break because it was ‘getting too much for him’. He said he wanted to be alone and he wanted to ‘find himself first’, and he left on the terms that saying that he thinks ‘we need to know who we are and where we stand before we can do anything properly’. Now, I’m not sure whether or not he will ever talk to me again or be friends with me. I’m not sure whether I want him back as a boyfriend but I definitely don’t want to lose him as a friend in my life. I see him everyday due to college so I’m not sure what to do.
Saffron

February 20, 2016 at 11:06 am

Hi,

So me and my ex met in 2014, we were friends for a month or two before finally dating for a year. During the first month of our relationship, he cheated on me with one of my close friends. I was broken but I took him back because I loved him. Our relationship generally was good, we did argue a lot but we solved and worked through our issues. It’s fair to say we both hurt each other and we both caused fights and pain. In November 2015, I kinda messed up and said some pretty stupid stuff which hurt him and lead him to take a break. So we took a break for a month or so, and when that was done, he decided it would be best to stay friends. So we did. I do admit the few breaks he had was due to the fact I said and did stupid stuff which hurt him. He told me he wanted a break to have time to himself but I didn’t understand that at the time and instead took it as something that was wrong with me and he didn’t want to be with me anymore. But we spoke and became friends again. However, in January, we argued again and he took a third break, and just recently we argued and he wanted a break because it was ‘getting too much for him’. He said he wanted to be alone and he wanted to ‘find himself first’, and he left on the terms that saying that he thinks ‘we need to know who we are and where we stand before we can do anything properly’. Now, I’m not sure whether or not he will ever talk to me again or be friends with me. I’m not sure whether I want him back as a boyfriend but I definitely don’t want to lose him as a friend in my life. I see him everyday due to college so I’m not sure what to do.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2016 at 12:12 pm

Hi Saffron
I think he’s right.. give space.. You can still do nc even if you see each other at school.. You just need to stop talking to him, distance yourself in the mean time and only talk of really needed.. for example of it’s school stuff

Aria

February 19, 2016 at 11:15 pm

I ment I call him, not the other way around, sorry
Aria

February 19, 2016 at 11:15 pm

I ment I call him, not the other way around, sorry
Aria

February 19, 2016 at 11:13 pm

Do you think its too Early to ask him to call me? Or can that be a good step forward to imply what I want?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2016 at 9:34 am

Hi Aria,

how are you? well it depends, has it been positive lately? If so, why not try to call him? But of course you have to be ready on what to talk about.. same goes if you ask him to call you, you should have a reason or prepared on what to talk about

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2016 at 8:09 am

Well, you can’t control him but you can imply what you really want.. Make the convos short so, it won’t get boring.. Sometimes they might flirt because they want a booty call but as long as you don’t agree, you’re good.. Time can only tell of he’s really serious or not
Amber

February 18, 2016 at 6:15 am

Hi Amor,

I posted a few days ago about going out with my ex and a mutual friend. I followed your advice and gave my ex and our friend the same amount of attention (maybe a bit more to his friend). I also dressed nicely and looked my best. The “date” went pretty well, and there were even a few moments when my ex and I shared some genuine smiles with each other (which hasn’t really happened since the breakup). My ex also teased me a lot, which I think showed he felt a bit more comfortable around me. There was a moment where we were bugging each other and I went to grab something from him and he held onto my hand for a good long moment. I don’t know if it meant anything special but it felt almost intimate in a way and it surprised me. Also, when my ex and I said goodbye after our outing, he said to me “See you soon.”

I’m just not sure what to do next. My ex and our friend invited me out with them again this week, but I declined because I felt like they were inviting me to be polite and also because I didn’t want to seem too eager to see my ex again.

Also, the reason we broke up initially was because of another girl my ex had become friends with. She was pushy and rude (I felt disrespected by her and the way she acted toward my then boyfriend as she would make flirtatious comments, etc.). My ex is still friends with her, though JUST friends (I don’t believe they like each other as anything more; they’re too different).

One final bit of information: I learned from a mutual friend that when said mutual friend asked my ex where him and I were at, my ex described our current state as “friends.”

Knowing this, what would you advise to do next?

Amber

February 19, 2016 at 3:32 pm

That’s an awesome way to respond… why did I not think of that before? Hahaha thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2016 at 6:57 am

hahahaha.. you’re welcome!
Amber

February 18, 2016 at 8:35 pm

I will definitely keep that in mind! Thank you so much for your help so far.

Just one last question for now (I promise!): My ex and I broke up last summer and when I first contacted him after 40 days no contact things were going well, a little too well. After about a week or two he apologized to me for “everything.” My ex also asked why I was suddenly being so nice to him and he wanted to meet up to discuss things, though he was too shy to actually have anything other than mildly platonic conversation. I don’t think I was ready to see him as I was under a lot of stress and I kind of blurted out that I wanted to date again etc and it was really messy. So I tried no contact for another month or so and I genuinely worked on myself, etc.

Just wondering, if while using push-pull theory my ex unexpectedly asks the same question again, how should I respond? Should I say I’m still into him or just kind of avoid the question? Obviously I need to build more attraction first but I’m worried he’ll randomly ask me if I still have feelings for him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2016 at 9:19 am

It’s ok..just ask, we’re here to help as much as as we can… if he asks if you have feelings for him, return the question by asking him why he’s asking and ask him if that’s how he sees why you’re being nice.. and also ask him, feelings or not, can you not be friends? in a nice way.. 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 3:03 pm

take it as good news.. because at least you know he’s open to being friends and it won’t be hard to rebuild attraction.. You’re doing good, if you get to meet again, build a little more of a connection with him.. just keep in mind to do the push pull theory

Amber

February 18, 2016 at 6:15 am

Hi Amor,

I posted a few days ago about going out with my ex and a mutual friend. I followed your advice and gave my ex and our friend the same amount of attention (maybe a bit more to his friend). I also dressed nicely and looked my best. The “date” went pretty well, and there were even a few moments when my ex and I shared some genuine smiles with each other (which hasn’t really happened since the breakup). My ex also teased me a lot, which I think showed he felt a bit more comfortable around me. There was a moment where we were bugging each other and I went to grab something from him and he held onto my hand for a good long moment. I don’t know if it meant anything special but it felt almost intimate in a way and it surprised me. Also, when my ex and I said goodbye after our outing, he said to me “See you soon.”

I’m just not sure what to do next. My ex and our friend invited me out with them again this week, but I declined because I felt like they were inviting me to be polite and also because I didn’t want to seem too eager to see my ex again.

Also, the reason we broke up initially was because of another girl my ex had become friends with. She was pushy and rude (I felt disrespected by her and the way she acted toward my then boyfriend as she would make flirtatious comments, etc.). My ex is still friends with her, though JUST friends (I don’t believe they like each other as anything more; they’re too different).

One final bit of information: I learned from a mutual friend that when said mutual friend asked my ex where him and I were at, my ex described our current state as “friends.”

Knowing this, what would you advise to do next?
Lovely

February 18, 2016 at 12:21 am

My ex of 3 years and I broke up two months ago because he started flirting with a girl. I finished nc and he asked to see each other in person to catch up. My ex and I talked about everything today. And he feels like getting back with me will be a setback to moving forward. He’s seeing a girl right now and tell me how he made a stupid decision of talking to her about us when he should’ve used the break we gave each other to figure out himself vs coping with it by talking to her. He told me how they’re doing well right now because they’re still getting to know each other. I’m at a point where it seems impossible to get back with him. He’s willing to be friends and hang out still. But he does feel torn between us but would rather go with the flow than come back and jump from commitment to commitment. I texted him earlier today to say thank you for today and I need some time before trying to be friends. What do I do now to get him back? Is it even possible now??

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 1:20 pm

Hi Lovely,

at least you know he wont commit to her yet… If you already did nc, and took it slow and that’s still he’s decision then that means you have to move on too..

There’s a chance of attracting him back when you’re good with being friends but right now, I think all he thinks about is moving on

Lovely

February 18, 2016 at 12:21 am

My ex of 3 years and I broke up two months ago because he started flirting with a girl. I finished nc and he asked to see each other in person to catch up. My ex and I talked about everything today. And he feels like getting back with me will be a setback to moving forward. He’s seeing a girl right now and tell me how he made a stupid decision of talking to her about us when he should’ve used the break we gave each other to figure out himself vs coping with it by talking to her. He told me how they’re doing well right now because they’re still getting to know each other. I’m at a point where it seems impossible to get back with him. He’s willing to be friends and hang out still. But he does feel torn between us but would rather go with the flow than come back and jump from commitment to commitment. I texted him earlier today to say thank you for today and I need some time before trying to be friends. What do I do now to get him back? Is it even possible now??
Kara

February 17, 2016 at 1:07 pm

Hi, I’m not sure what to do in my situation and I really need some advice because I don’t know if I should continue to hope me and my ex will reconcile soon one day or I should just give up hope and move on.
My boyfriend and I broke up end of january and since then we have been talking on and off. We have broken up two or three times before but we resolved it almost immediately previously.

On 21 November 2015 we had a big fight but he actually stayed over at mine that night after we talked and it was late. But the next day he brought up the fact that he was unsure if he could see us being together the next 30 years and we broke up over the phone briefly but we ended up deciding to try again.

Then, he lost his job in December and he was really upset and stressed over it and his family was really harsh on him over that. In early December I went on holiday with my family and when I came back a couple of days before Christmas, he wanted to break up again because he felt that he can’t handle being in a relationship and his career right now. He said that it was not me but him. We met to talk about things and we ended up not even talking about it and we watched a movie. Later on when I asked him about it, he said that when he met me he thought I was really cute and he missed me and that he could not bear to do it because he loved me.

A couple of days later after Christmas, we celebrated my birthday and I got angry at him because I felt that he did not put in any effort because he said he wanted to cook for me at my house but when he came over he didn’t bring any ingredients and he wanted me to drive out with him to buy them because he doesn’t own a car. We had a big fight, which I admit was mostly my fault but we ended up resolving it and just enjoying the day. That night I left for a holiday with my friends and he came to see me off at the airport.

Everything was fine while I was away, we texted a lot and talked on the phone and when I came back, he came all the way to see me at the airport. He said he had to attend a friends birthday as his friend was going overseas the next day and his friend lives all the way in the west near my ex’s own house. I told my ex that I might eat dinner with my friends at the airport before heading home and he was fine. He was really happy to see me despite coming all the way to the airport just to see me for about 45 minutes. We spent the next few days together and we had a wonderful time, but I ended up crying a couple of days later in the car because I was really stressed about my own future because I’m not sure what to do and what career to choose etc. But I think he took that as me being unhappy with him despite me trying to explain it. He texted me at night saying that he feels really upset when he sees me cry and he hoped that I could accommodate him for these 2 months while he looked for a job and he could not spend so much time with me or look after me. I said I was fine and I tried to comfort him about his situation.

I started a new job in the middle of January 2016. Just a couple of days later on 19 January 2016, he wanted to break up again and he said that he really could not handle the stress of a relationship and looking for a job, he said he felt like he could not handle it and there were a lot of tears and we ended up patching things up again.

On 23 January 2016 he wanted to break up again. He texted me the night before at around 4am saying that he was sorry and that he didnt love me anymore and he did not see a future with me anymore. I was distraught when I woke up to that and I was really upset and spent the day with a friend to feel better. But later on that night I went over to his place to sort of talk and break up face to face. But I broke down and I cried and we talked a lot about his feelings and my feelings. He said that he still loved me but he felt that he was useless as a bf and that he could not be there for me and that he was not the same person anymore and that he felt that he was not good enough to be with me. He said he needed to run away and improve and come back stronger and that he felt that I was not happy with the “broken him”. He felt that we were both not ready and that the timing right now was really bad. He told me a lot of really personal things about his feelings and he broke down too and I’ve never seen anyone look so defeated. I was really upset and he said lets hug and when we hugged I couldn’t stop crying and we ended up deciding to patch things up again. I stayed over that night and he said he was sorry while we were cuddling and that he would never let me go. I felt really safe in his arms and I thought we were finally fine.

But two days later, while we were talking on the phone, he wanted to break up again and he told me about how his family had a lot of financial problems and that things were really hard for them. He felt that it was all up to him to solve them and he said that he really could not handle a relationship right now because he felt like he had a lot on his plate. He had to help his parents and find a job and figure out a direction in his life. He felt that he would be a burden on me and he said he loved me a lot and he couldn’t lie to me. I decided to agree to break up because I felt that he really had a lot going on in his life and I think he needed to figure things out. He also said that he could not even love himself right now and I felt really bad for him and I’m trying to give him space now to get a job and sort himself out. He said that it would be unfair for me to wait for him and he said that he wanted the best for me and said that I should move on. He said that he didn’t want me to change for him and that he wanted me to be who I am. He had previously applied for a job overseas and he was offered a position but he told me that he turned it down because of me.

I’m not sure if I should wait for him and if I do how long I should wait for him. My gut feeling is that he does really love me but everything that has happened in his life is really overwhelming and he can’t handle being in a relationship with anyone now. He promised me that he would not date anyone else and that he would talk to me when he has sorted his life out and he feels that he is ready. But I don’t know if I should wait because I don’t know how long it would take and I don’t know if he would want to continue a relationship after he sorts everything out.

He’s also been texting me and sending me pictures and a selfie, asking me how I am and my opinion on things.

I’m really sorry that this is such a long post but I feel so confused right now and I feel really frustrated and I can’t focus on my own work because I can’t figure out what to do.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 9:34 am

Hi Kara,

for me you have to do nc because if you continue talking to him, you might end up in the friendzone

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558 thoughts on “Is It Even Possible To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back?”