Will Leaving Your Ex Alone Make Him Miss You?

75 thoughts on “If I Leave My Ex Alone Will He Miss Me?”

C

November 21, 2018 at 8:53 pm

I’ve known my ex for about 9 months. Its been an off and on relationship as he is dealing with personal issues not related to me. During that time he got really depressed and shut me out (I also think he has ptsd but never admitted it), I completely cut contact with him in October so I could be happy with myself again. A month later he texted me and fb messaged apologizing and saying he’d return my key along with ask any questions, after seeing me at a work lunch (We do work together but not the same departments/building so occasionally have to walk past each other.) I responded saying we could talk because he said he wants to talk about what’s happened and what we are going to do about it but he never showed up. a week later I demanded he brought my key back because I got impatient waiting for him to be ready for “the talk” but when he did show I made him sit down and talk to me for 10 minutes. He told me how hes working on improving himself (going to gym/therpay) but can only focus on himself right now. From a previous month I witnessed him at a very low point and it effected me emotionally (cuz I didnt know how to help) and I feel like he shut me out to protect me from his unhappiness.

When I grabbed his hands he claimed how much he still loves me then started rubbing just my ring finger and looking at it. He also said hes missed me so much he just doesnt have all the answers yet but will talk to me when he does. When he was leaving I hugged him and he pulled me in for a kiss, with a look of how badly he misses kissing me. He said it wasnt goodbye and “the talk” would come sooner but it’s been a couple weeks again of no contact, I’m afraid to text him even tho he said he’d respond, I dont know what to say.

We have talked about a future together and he did promise he’d put a ring on my finger someday and still did. He also said I did not need to wait for him that he will do whatever to win me back when hes ready.
I’m just so worried he wont try to win me back after he figures his stuff out and if he loved me so much why cant we have this talk. I understand he needs to be happy with himself first (not just because I make him). Should I do no contact again and let him come to me? I’m trying to be patient, I’ve already not talked to him for 2 weeks after getting my key back, would it be awkward to reach out? How can I help him or show support that I’m not giving up on our future together? Does he even still want to be with me?

Chris Seiter

November 22, 2018 at 3:48 am

Hi C…I do think you should see NC through. Pick up my Guide to help you along if need be or tap into the vast library of resources at my site!

Seth

September 10, 2018 at 8:00 pm

My boyfriend of 2 years just dumped me a few days ago. It was around our 3rd week of starting college he is a few years older and transferred to a university after community college. He initiated a break because he was not sure how he felt about breaking up. A week later he ended it officially saying he enjoyed the freedom and didn’t feel the same anymore. I still talk to him because I miss him but I want to stop to make him miss me. I believe that moving to a new city and college was overwhelming for him and that pushed his feelings for me away and made him think being single was the best option. What should I do? Will he regret his decision and try to get back with me?

Chris Seiter

September 11, 2018 at 12:44 am

Hi Seth!

I know things are still fresh in your mind and raw. I have a lot resources here that can help you with the personal recovery end. So it seems employing no contact would be a good tactic for you. You can learn all about that here in my books and other resources on the site (see home page).

Deanna Legros

May 12, 2018 at 4:14 pm

im so confused about my current situation and what to do. My ex and I were together for 10 years and we have 2 kids together. There was some infedelity on his part and we tried to work through it but the lack of trust and unresolved issues took a toll and we eventually got to a point where all we did was fight and yell and hurt each other instead of fixing anything. We never really knew how to properly communicate. So we broke up and it was not smooth by any means. We have been apart for two months now and he has a sex buddy already although he wants no relationship with anyone according to him. I try to give him space but it seems he always tries to lure me back in. Im confused about what he wants cause he tells me hes in love with me still and hes taking time to focus on himself and the kids and then will in time see how things are but then minutes later he says hes 100% done with me and doesnt think we could ever work out ever again. I truly believe he doesnt even know what he wants and hes just tryin to put on a front to cover up and hurt from getting to him or showing me that hes hurt. I know the love and passion are still there cause when we talk it becomes a heated argument cause theirs obviously a lot of hurt and feelings still left and neither of us seems to be able to just walk away. Help!

Chris Seiter

May 12, 2018 at 11:16 pm

Hi Deanna…Maybe a big break from each other, might underscore how how valuable you are to him (from his perspective). He seems to have had things his way and doesn’t appear to appreciate what you have offered to him over these 10 hears. Consider a form of limited contact. I suspect something needs to be done to break this up/down cycle. Having a sex buddy sure doesn’t help things in the long run. Use this time to reflect about what you want. Right now you are in the middle of it and so close to it, it can be hard to gain the perspective you need to decide how much more you want to invest in him. For ongoing support, consider joining my Private Facebook Support Group (website Menu/Products link). It is a terrific place where people share and help each other. Go read up on it!
Deanna Legros

May 12, 2018 at 11:35 pm

thanks for the response. I started a minimal no contact because we do still have to discuss the kids and see each other during drop off/pick up so its definitely difficult. Do you think he often portrays little hurt or emotion about not being in a relationship with me because he genuinely doesnt care or is happy.. or is it more the male ego hiding his true feelings. Cause I see more in his face and eyes then what he says.
Chris Seiter

May 13, 2018 at 12:10 am

Guys can delude themselves when it involves their feelings. They can also push feelings away to avoid confronting them. They can be confused and uncertain as to what is best. Guilt can weigh on one’s behavior. So lots of stuff could be going on. Over 10 years, people put down roots and that is not easy to pull up. So, yes, I do think there is more going on beneath the surface. Minimal contact could be helpful, but kill him with kindness in whatever little exchanges you might have and quite frankly, that plays on the guilt and grows your value in his eyes.

Magen

May 1, 2018 at 9:31 pm

I’m not sure what caused outlr break up. He says I treat him badly and talk badly to him, That’s not the case he is a manipulator and doesn’t see things as they really are. Maybe I’m better off without him but it still hurts so much. He owns the house we live in and told me to move out with my 2 kids, he stated at his moms for the weekend and I started packing. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do next but I’m doing the no contact with So far 2 slips but they were nothing about us or me crying it was about my kids. He has text me and I haven’t replied.

Chris Seiter

May 1, 2018 at 10:02 pm

Hi Magen…I agree….people who are manipulators seldom take responsbility for their actions and cast blame elsewhere. Breakups will hurt for lots of reasons. We kind of get addicted to our partner chemically in our brain, so when things go wrong and we get separated, its like an addict need a fix to get them through the day. You should consider joining my Private Facebook Support Group Community. I have about 1500 members and the women are very supportive of each other. I do weekly live webcasts there as well. Learn more if you wish by going to my website Menu and clicking on the Products link. Check that out as you may find some resources there to help you. Also reach out to your own support system to plan for other complications that might arise as to your living arrangements. He could be behaving really badly, but may come to regret his behavior sooner than your realize. The text may have been made from guilt. Just take your time with any important decisions and focus on those things that are priorities for you right now.
Chris Seiter

May 1, 2018 at 10:02 pm

Hi Magen…I agree….people who are manipulators seldom take responsbility for their actions and cast blame elsewhere. Breakups will hurt for lots of reasons. We kind of get addicted to our partner chemically in our brain, so when things go wrong and we get separated, its like an addict need a fix to get them through the day. You should consider joining my Private Facebook Support Group Community. I have about 1500 members and the women are very supportive of each other. I do weekly live webcasts there as well. Learn more if you wish by going to my website Menu and clicking on the Products link. Check that out as you may find some resources there to help you. Also reach out to your own support system to plan for other complications that might arise as to your living arrangements. He could be behaving really badly, but may come to regret his behavior sooner than your realize. The text may have been made from guilt. Just take your time with any important decisions and focus on those things that are priorities for you right now.

Monica

April 17, 2018 at 3:35 pm

Hi, things were going great with my boyfriend of almost 4 months and he suddenly broke up with me, I think he became very overwhelmed with the way things were progressing. I always followed his lead but he’d get excited and rush into things (tell me he loves me, ask me to be his girlfriend, meet his parents). I knew he had issues from his past relationship that ended almost 3 years ago, that he just couldn’t move past. When he broke up with me he said that he’s emotionally unavailable and that he loves me and I’m his best friend but that it’s not fair to me and that he needs to be honest with himself and me and end our relationship. He also said he’s got a lot going on with his living situation (he’s selling his house and is moving a little farther away) and career (not sure what that means since he works for his dad’s company). He also said that all his friends had told him that he needed to talk to me and let me know what was going on, which i thought was really weird. He said he knew I’d be fine because i know my worth and am an incredible woman blah, blah. I didn’t act ideally as he was breaking up with me but the next morning I texted him saying I feel bad for the way i left and understand his decision and wished him the best. I then unfollowed him on Instagram and began NC. He then reacted and unfollowed me on Instagram, deleted everything of us (even comments) and deleted me on Snapchat but kept me on Facebook. We were supposed to go to a concert together a couple weeks later and he posted all over Instagram that he took another girl and tagged her (he doesn’t know that I know that she’s just a friend and that this was to make me jealous). I’m on day 24 of NC but have heard nothing from him. I’ve been trying to just move on with my life and have been posting pics of me doing things i love to do, showing that I am not dying of heartache. Do I even have a chance?

Chris Seiter

April 17, 2018 at 11:13 pm

Hi Monica….yes, it seems he can let his emotions run away. I think you are right, it does sound like a jealousy play. I think you are on the right track in how you are handling this. If you have my ebook and are following my comprehensive blueprint, great. If not, then go take a look at it as it might be of help to you or you may seem some other resources that you have interest in. Just click my website menu/Products link and you can take a deeper dive into any other resources that will benefit you.
Monica

April 18, 2018 at 12:23 am

Thanks, Chris. I’ll check it out. Do you think he will even contact me again? It kind of seems like a lost cause at this point because it’s been 24 days and still nothing.
Chris Seiter

April 18, 2018 at 5:24 am

Hi again Monica! Naah…24 days is not so long. Just get your game plan together (using my comprehensive ebook) and you will learn to drop him some little breadcrumbs that follows back to you. There are way to optimize the chances of a response from him when the time is right.

Grace

April 8, 2018 at 11:09 pm

Hi, my boyfriend and I are having issues with our relationship. I feel as though I’m not getting enough attention (long distance relationship to begin with)…. we sort of broke up but we didn’t.. it is very complicated.

We met online and we use to talk a lot but then all of a sudden he stops talking to me/ignoring me- his actions upset me so much so I blocked and deleted him on my pm… this actions drove him insane and went to my other social media and was begging to speak with me. He wants to know what he did, when I told him that we don’t talk as much anyway so there is no reason to be on each other messenger. This has him flipping out on me and telling me that I was being childlish , and unstable etc. so I said I was hurt by what he said and I told him I will honor his request not to talk… then this has him flipping out again saying that’s not what he’s saying… anyway after this argument, he was back to my pm and we spoke a bit, he said he love me etc but then he’s very cold and distant at the same time… same place we were and this is why I block and deleted him in the first place.. he’s being cold and distant is not what I want in the relationship.. so I told him that we need to implement a 3 week no contact so that we can figure things out and I want to remain friends etc.. and this way we will both move on.. again he flipped out on me OMG… so I apologize and I told him I’m being matured enough to talk this through.. and he said goodbye.. so I said ok if that’s what you want I will accept your wishes and he told me that he’s not the one asking to not talk for 3 weeks.. I felt bad when he said that he said that so I continue talking to him… back to square one, the type of relationship I don’t want (cold and distant, love me and miss me only when he wants to talk) .. finally, today I decided, I will not remove him from social media, I will not login to our messenger (he won’t see a green light showing I’m online)… I will just ignored him and vanished for awhile. I’m not sure if I’m making the right decision but I love him so much and miss him so much but I take pride in my self and I want to treated good in the relationship. I want to feel secure and I want to know that he loves me 100%.

Chris Seiter

April 11, 2018 at 1:26 am

Hello Grace…I agree with you decision to implement the 3 week NC. Getting that secure feeling is important and the time will allow you both to figure things out.

Eleanor

April 7, 2018 at 1:43 pm

So, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me 3 weeks ago because he feels “unhappy”. But we’d just celebrated our 4 year anniversary and celebrated his birthday.. Initially I didn’t know about No Contact and was so shocked that I texted him the day after (I know, big mistake) and got no where, understandably. He contradicted himself a lot in his replies and didn’t make a lot of sense. So I ended the convo. But because we’re at Uni, we’ve just had a 2 week break for Easter meaning everyone’s gone back home (including him) and I kept waiting for him to contact me, but I got nothing and then after maybe 5/6 days I contacted again because I just felt total disbelief and desperation and again, he replied and said he still loved me, cared for me etc but that this is what he wanted so.. since then, which has been about a week and a half? Nearly 2 weeks? I’ve had no contact. I decided to block him off of my social media for the sake of my own well being and funnily enough, I found out from a close friend that he’d noticed the day I’d done it and was shocked by it.. so initially I felt power and felt good about it for a second. But then, yesterday I’d found out from a friend that he’d deleted all the pictures of him and me off of his Instagram… but whether that was to get a reaction or to make him feel better I have no idea. But I honestly thought I would of heard from him by now in some reconsiliation or other, but nothing. Do I just need to be more patient? It has only been 3 weeks? As we’re on the same course at Uni he will be seeing me around the building next week, so maybe that’ll bring him up to speed. Please help! I can’t tell what’s going to happen.

Jennifer Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 7:48 pm

He probably deleted your pictures because it hurt him to look at them which is a good thing. You will have to be the first to reach out after no contact. Have you read our post on texting yet?
Ellie

April 8, 2018 at 3:38 pm

Why is it a good thing? And why do I need to be the one who messages first?
And no, I’ll have a look though.
Chris Seiter

April 11, 2018 at 2:05 am

Hi Ellie…hope you don’t mind me jumping in! Its because you control can the messaging

lynn

March 20, 2018 at 1:35 pm

We broke up 6 months ago (about 5 months of NC) and just recently I started texting and got through 3 first contacts positively. I keep texting him daily and i’m on about day 6 and I get positive responses BUT he is not yet initiating any contact. Do I keep initiating texts or should I go back to NC? I did let him know that I had moved on (meaning starting to date). Not sure where to go with this next, for the last few days it has been small talk, nothing serious although he does ‘insert’ himself into future scenarios when we chat.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 25, 2018 at 4:54 pm

Hi lynn,

Are you ending it in cliff hanger and in high point? How much are you improving yourself and how active you in posting in social media?

Irena

February 25, 2018 at 2:53 am

I am currently on day 4 of no contact. My boyfriend started becoming distant for the 2 weeks prior to breaking up, not wanting to spend much time together, hardly texting. So when he didn’t give me anything but some old drugstore candy for Valentine’s Day when he knew I got him a bunch of stuff, and he didn’t want to do anything to celebrate it with me, I had had the final straw. I told him if he didn’t want to take our relationship seriously then maybe we needed to put things on hold until he can and I cited all the reasons I was upset. He told me he had a lot going on and needed space. I didn’t talk to him for a few days and then I reached out to see what was going on. He said he’s stressed out and has too much going on. Then he said I put too much stress on him by constantly asking him to hang out when he can’t. Meanwhile, I’m just asking to spend some time together. Not like a half hour here and there. He said he felt too pressured then said he wasn’t as optimistic about us for a few reasons but wouldn’t say what they were just said things were different. Then I asked him if he wanted to still pursue things with me since he was asking for space and he said no. He said he wasn’t sure if things would change he’d have to see how things went. So I walked. I said I was leaving him along and to give me a call if he wanted to pursue things in a serious way and I haven’t heard anything from him since. Did I do the right thing? Do you think I’ll hear from him?

Irena

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 11:42 am

Hi Irena,

I’m not sure if he’ll contact you again but yes, you did because why would you settle for someone who doesn’t value you?

Dee

February 19, 2018 at 11:43 pm

My ex and I broke up a few days. I feel that Im always tending to his needs but he doesnt do the same. We got into a big argument and broke up. This isn’t anything new for us but I feel differently. Im ready for his to get his stuff together or move on. So I have started the NC and its been 5 days of neither one of us reaching out. This isn’t surprising because the other times we broke up for a week and he gives in and I talk to him. This time Im going to not talk to him for 30 days minimum and see what happens. Wish me luck
P.B

February 19, 2018 at 7:52 pm

Thank you Amor, I’ll try. My “deadline” is March. If I didn’t got anything (seems probable) I’ll tell him how I feel because I need it before moving on (without moving on because I’ll still love him but…I can’t do anthing else)
Lovisa

February 19, 2018 at 9:54 am

Hi, what does it mean if your ex visits your page on badoo (date app) and unblocks you on facebook? we broke up 2 weeks ago, he visited my page on badoo 2 days after break up, and for maybe 3 days ago he unblocked me on facebook, but is still blocking me on instagram and snapchat!

Wer’e both 22 years old, we broke up because we had to, and i think this is just good for us because we (more from his side) broke up with eachother quite often these last months, but we got back to eachother every time since ‘i like you more than anyone else, that’s why i keep coming back’ we had some issues with understanding eachother while fighting, but now when we broke up i can see both my part and his part of it all, and i’m working on myself right now. Our love was something i’ve never experienced before, and he said the same week we broke up, that he really believes that i’m ‘the one’ for him, in the relationship and even after, he told me he never felt this way before for anyone else, and he believes we got a chance later on if we let it all go and blablabla. We’ve been back and forth for almost 2 years and last year we broke up with each other from february- july.

What do you guys think? i’m so insecure right now, all i want is being with him but i know for boths best we can’t right now

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2018 at 11:53 am

HI Lovisa,

He’s curious about what you’re doing and how you’ve been so he checks what he can check online.

Nina

February 19, 2018 at 4:43 am

I should also add that he ended it because of a dynamic he felt in our relationship. A dynamic of me getting upset with him and he feeling like he had to work very hard to keep me happy. I admit that there was a problem with me feeling insecure about his investment in the relationship. And that caused me to behave in ways that were not good for him…I would leave his house without reason, and sometimes force conversations about where the relationship was headed. Basically, I had a hard time relaxing and being in the moment. I felt he had trouble with sustained intimacy.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2018 at 11:19 am

Hi Nina,

The nc rule is not guaranteed to work in any situation but it helps increase your chances. If you’re going to do it, that means if he initiates during it, you don’t reply. Focus in improving yourself and in posting in social media.

Nina

February 19, 2018 at 4:35 am

My ex and I dated for 7 months. He ended it because I pushed for things that he felt he couldn’t do. That was 2 weeks ago and he will not respond to my texts or calls. He sent me a nice goodbye text. Saying I was great, blah, blah. But that he had not, and will not change his mind regarding the status of our relationship. Wished me the best, told me he hoped I could accept his decision and look forward. I responded that I did accept his decision, and thought that because of the big things he was dealing with in his life, that he could use a friend. I offered to be his friend. Since then, I have heard nothing from him. I have sent a text, but he does not respond. He may have blocked my number, who knows.
How can no contact work in my situation? This man is extraordinary and I messed up. I would like the opportunity to start a fresh chapter with him.
blinded by your grace

February 17, 2018 at 5:35 pm

leaving him alone (especially doing no contact )will indeed get him to miss you I did no contact for 45 days and on the 4th day my ex bf called me up saying he missed me and wanted to meet up,he has a girlfriend already btw (which I of course declined )anyway he will miss you .p.s he just told me he still loves me so it does work
Brie

February 16, 2018 at 1:44 am

I’ll do my best to summarize this so bare with me:
I was in an LDR for over 2 years. We never met in person but we’ve sent each other videos and I googled him so I know he was who he said he was. He was the man of my DREAMS and we agreed that we would do everything we could to meet up when I graduated college.We talked about getting married and whatnot.We broke up a few times, but we were always able to talk it out. Fast forward to a year ago. He was forced to move in with his disabled father to help care for him, and this took up LOADS of time. His commute went from 10 minutes to over an hour and then he has to care for his father when he gets home. He began to tell me that he was depressed because he basically had no life anymore, and I was as supportive as I could be. He started getting more and more distant and my anxiety did it’s thing and made me worry that he was hiding something or that he was lying about everything. So one day we talked for a while and I straight-up asked him “Do you want to be with me?”. He kind of paused and said something about how it wasn’t a ‘yes’ or ‘no question because he doesn’t want me to have to deal with not getting any attention because of his dad when there’s someone else who could. Then he called me his ‘dream girl’ and said that if he had to choose between me and his dad he would choose his dad. I have no idea why he thought this had to be an either/or kind of thing but ok.
Fast-forward to New Years Day. I said something to him about maybe giving me 5 minutes at night to talk to him and apparently this was the line. He said that he would ‘love me until the day I died’ and I ‘meant a lot to him’ but he couldn’t give me any attention and he ‘refused to be depressed over this anymore’. I begged him not to do this and to just call me but he said he would call me in the morning. I called him about 4 or 5 times in a row (I was freaking out) and he blocked me. I thought that he would unblock me in the morning but I never heard anything from him. I e-mailed him begging for closure, but he never replied. I tried ’30 days’ but he blocked me so I had no way of texting him. Then last week, I sent him a Snapchat telling him that I was sorry for disrespecting his wishes and that I hoped to hear from him soon. he opened it, but didn’t reply. So i sent him another one the next day saying that I hoped he had the respect for me to just give me closure. He opened it and unfriended me. I have no idea what would make him go from “you mean a lot to me’ to BLOCKING me the same night! I know the begging was the wrong thing to do, but I’m praying that it didn’t ruin my chances. It’s been over a month since I’ve heard from him. This is TOTALLY unlike him! DO you think there’s still a chance that I could hear from him again? Despite the fact that I begged? Does he still even care about me?
Please give me some insight! Thanks!
P. B

February 15, 2018 at 6:56 pm

Thank you Amor.
So what can I do? I was building rapport, I was in flirting-friends zone. Did a second NC for your recommendation, he texted on day 30 warm, nice and flirty, letting me know that he had been thinking about me and all that. I answer neutral, nice but not too invested. A.d keep playing my game in social media, mastering mi UG. What else can I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2018 at 12:12 am

Use interesting topics for him. Work on your kind of texts. focus more in your activities than him and set a limit on until when you’re going to try to rebuild rapport, if after that limit it’s not progressing, move on.

Mel

February 14, 2018 at 7:08 pm

I feel like none of these articles apply to my situation because it is so bizarre: my ex and I were together for a decade, and when we broke up, I cried and begged for days. Then I texted him nonstop for like 24 hours. But at the time of the breakup, he said he’d come with me to my parents’ house to speak with them about our separation, since he’s basically family now. Now, we are supposed to meet at my parents’ house in a couple of days but I want to start NC to see if maybe he just needs some time away. Seeing me will disrupt this. Should I just cancel the parents’ house thing?
S

February 13, 2018 at 6:28 pm

Break up 1 month by him. After living together and being together 20 months. Second break up with him siting we are just different. I’m older, by six years. Both in our late forties. I tried to ask what we could do, I did some negotiating, begging of sorts. He knows I love him. And want this. Two days ago he told me he would be my wingman to find another man. We are friends. I stated no friends, no FWB. Either. So I find it difficult to do no contact. He will sometimes come by and we get along so well. Even intimate last week.
What do I do

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2018 at 11:12 am

Hi S,

Tell him to stop coming by and hanging out because being friends is disrespectful to your pain right now

Christina

February 13, 2018 at 5:25 pm

My guy decided to pack a bag and leave our home last night. He stated he was going to come back for the rest of his stuff eventually. I did try to get him to talk to me, but this morning, I sent one last text stating that he needs to contact me when he wants to come to the house for his things, and otherwise, he is not the only one who needs space and time to think.
What caused it? There was a lot of drama involving his ex wife. She is controlling and manipulative and he’s been abused by her for 15+ years. She twisted everything and manipulated him into believing I was lying to him(and I’m not), I was going through his phone and social media(and I’m not), and various other things. He thinks he cannot trust me at all.
Since this morning, I’ve not contacted and I’m sure that is what I need to keep doing. I think once he has time away from me and sees how much harder life is when he doesn’t have a nice home to live in, he will start to see that a woman who has done so much for him and cared for him has no reason to ever lie to him. I am going to work on myself and think about ways I can nurture relationships in the future so that trust is never an issue. Hopefully, he will return, but in the meantime, I will give it space for him to get his head back on his shoulders.
What else can I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2018 at 10:51 am

Hi Christina,

That’s good that you think that way.. Start a new routine, do new things and make new friends.

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75 thoughts on “If I Leave My Ex Alone Will He Miss Me?”