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Lauren
November 20, 2016 at 11:44 am
I’ve posted twice on here and still not had a reply….
I really need some advice….
Me and my boyfriend have been on and off for 9 months. The first time he ended it saying he didn’t want a relationship- that lasted a week. The second time he said some really horrible things all over text- that me and him weren’t meant to be and that he didn’t really like me that much. I acted crazy begging him and I went round to his house to talk and acted more crazy. I did NC for two weeks. Then we started Snapchat messaging and then back to fb messaging and finally meeting up. We got back together without really ever discussing our problem. (Poor communication) we were all good, apart from the occasional argument where he was giving me no communication and I was acting like a brat, until the other week we had a massive argument because he cancelled on me without telling me why. I texted him like crazy which he said was pushing him away. He went back to Greece (he’s Greek) for a few days to see his friends and when he came back he ended things. He said he has been unhappy and this weekend he realised and he had only gotten back with me before because of my persistence. (I find this hard to believe as we were regularly spending our weekends together and he got me a very personal birthday present not that long ago. This time I didn’t say anything. I left it until the next day when I asked if we could talk. He said he had said everything he had to say. I broke NC yesterday asking if we could talk. He still refused. Then rather than leaving it, I carried on saying things to which he didn’t reply. This morning I apologised and wished him a good week. I plan to get back on track and do NC for 30 days.
My question is as it has been quite an on and off relationship do you think I have a chance? Do you think because I’ve broken NC and now look so weak desperate I have chance? Do you think he said those mean things but doesn’t really mean them?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 22, 2016 at 8:12 pm
Hi lauren,
I replied to your previous post. I’m just going to copy paste may answer there here ok?
Hi Lauren,
let’s do nc as one last try this time. finish 45 days. Focus in changing yourself,your routine and your life.
Icy
November 19, 2016 at 4:36 pm
Hi cris, this is our third breakup. Is there still a chance? I am in no
Contact rule for a week and his birthday is upcoming, should I greet him?thank you
Icy
November 22, 2016 at 11:07 pm
Different reasons but this time he was angry because i keep on reminding him of his previous mistakes everytime Im mad at him. he said he just wants us to be friends. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 24, 2016 at 8:11 pm
Well you have to avoid doing that.. The more you do the no contact rule, the less it can help you.. So, this time complete the 45 days no contact rule, make it seem like you’re moving on. Don’t stop improving yourself even after nc.. So, that he would think you’ve changed and to at least have a restart as friends first after nc
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 22, 2016 at 2:17 pm
Hi Icy,
nope, dont greet him.. Why do you keep breaking up?
Melanie
November 17, 2016 at 9:42 am
I really enjoyed reading this. I got out of a 2 year relationship with a 30 year old man 4 months ago. I truly still adore him but when I look back I do realize that we had a lot of problems. He has so many commitment issues and I (28) really wanted to look into settling down and maybe look into getting engaged at the end of this year. The last part of our relationship was long distance, and I was looking into moving to the city so we can finally be together and function normal again. I had a final round interview scheduled for the Friday, and the Wednesday he called me telling me that he got his dream job in another state ( 1700km away from me). I didn’t even know he applied! But was told he was ” head hunted”. I was beyond shocked and then a series of many arguments started, because I felt disappointed. I felt like he didn’t even consider me in this decision. And he then told me I am welcome to look for jobs that side, but he cant promise me anything. That I am doing this at my own risk. I then told him that I think its better for us to go our separate ways because I have had it with his selfish ” everyone for himself” attitude. This was not the first time as I always had to be next in line when it came to his attention. He would cancel or reschedule our visits all the time. Told me im needy, but point is I felt so lonely in our relationship because he never made time for us.
To shorten the story, we have been separated for 4 months now and I still feel like we made the biggest mistake, I miss him every day. Its truly hard for me to let go of him. Twist in the story, I ended up applying for jobs that side and landed an amazing opportunity…. and his FELL THROUGH / is on hold! So i move end of the year and he is still where he was. I’ve tried to talk to him to maybe reconcile ( He says its not that easy because we will have this massive distance in between us, and that what if he only makes it that side years later), and we have never really stopped talking in the last 4 months ( We didn’t do the NC thing). I feel like that is my mistake? My question is, if i truly wanted to save this relationship… how do i do this? Did I already screw it up due to the fact that we have kept contact? I need help and some solid advice
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 17, 2016 at 4:35 pm
Hi Melanie,
actually, you’re doing everything for the relationship..is he? Okay.. So, right now, you kept talking, is it helping?
Mariana Azevedo
November 11, 2016 at 4:39 pm
I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years. And in the past year we’ve had a lot of communication problems.. we were always together, or at his parents or at my parents. But he wasn’t feeling good about his life, because he couldn’t accomplish and finish his goals, and felt everyone was passing him. So he just wasn’t the exiting person i met, for a long time… we started to have lack of sex too. I wasn’t happy… but now he we went to finish his aviation conversion degree, and we have been apart for 3 months.. that we have seen eachother 2 times, very quickly. So when went there…we were already distant. And arguing a little… but i was very happy for him. This year i got my first job too. And now… He’s living the dream there, he met a lot of new friends, that share the same love for aviation that he does, etc… and he finally finished and relieved that his life is going to change now! But we had a big fight..because he was always going out there…but he kinda desappeared. The last time almost for 2 days. In one week he was telling me how lucky he was to have me, supporting him and loving him. Suddenly, i freaked out and broke up with him. And i got an answer i didn’t expected: Ok.
And he just said he was also feeling unhappy in this relationship, but he never had the courage to speak about it…blabla… But how could we be happy? If we were super partners and friends and we forgot about our love life 100%. We forgot about mistery, we forgot about being just the two of uf, or going out… everything that once made us happy. SO after all this i think we should give us a dignifying chance! And change. Invest in ousselves as individuals. And make it different. But he is really distant over there in school. And he is confused, i really dont how it’s going to eb when he comes back to reallity and normal daily routine… I really understand thathe wants us to stop dragging ourselves and leave our confrt zones and feel alive! I am also really confused and hurt with all this. Because idk if he wants to try again. He said he thinks he is not ready to settle down. Or to the next step.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 14, 2016 at 8:30 pm
Hi Mariana
correct me if I’m wrong, you broke up with him because he said you are supportive? Why?
I understand that he had less time with youp, but did you mean, you dont want him yo leave his comfort zone and not grow as a person?
Atena
November 11, 2016 at 3:38 am
Hi!! My situation is a bit more complicated.. We “broke up” (we were not dating, just hanging out exclusively) about 2 months ago but we keep talking everyday. The reason of the breakup: he’s jewish, I’m not, and he does not want to confront his family. The detail is that I was willing to convert even before we met, he just does not want to wait for me, but I already am in the process of convertion..also, the are really similar, in all aspects, we get along so well, even like friends (even though we are better off as a couple). anyway, does all this rules apply in my case? The no contact for 30 days and all..I really want to make him regret this decision of breaking up and not wanting to wait for me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 14, 2016 at 7:33 pm
Hi Atena,
there’s no guarantee that it will work, but if you really want to increase the chances of him regretting then be your best self.
Diane
November 10, 2016 at 12:31 pm
umm so i have a boyfriend for 15 months but these past few months we are always on and off he broke up with me 2 times and thats because hes choosing his new friends over me. but then when two weeks passed he’ll talk to me and beg for me to be his gf again. i agreed easily. on our first break up we lasts for 2 months but he broke up with me again. because he chose his friend over me again. but after 2 weeks he begged for my love again and he promised me that he wont leave me anymore we’re happy we last for only 1 month because, there’s this girl that also a friend of ours had a birthday last monday i was invited but he refuses me to come. so i decided not to because he’ll get mad , the day before the celebration he go to my house we hang out, talked. he even say that he love me. the morning before the celebration he messaged me he says he love me, he love me so much i told him to report to me but he did not. after that, one of our frineds posted he is always next to the girl i got jealous he got mad i kept on saying sorry but hes being cold. the next morning im calling him but hes not answering the phone. i saw the girl who posted and she said that your boyfriend is flirt, he is flirting *the girl* she even show me the message of my ex according to the message he said that im pretentious with *the girl* so i got so mad, i gave him all i can give but it made me question myself whys he did this to me, so i broke up with him right away. he told me that okay, that he knows that hes a useless person that i have nothing to do with that and he will not run after me anymore. today is the first day of our break up and its the first time that i broke up with him but today im regretting it, i want to say sorry but the other side of me says that dont be a pathetic. so please tell me what to do. i really dont know, i cry all night i even sleep at dawn. i feel guilty i want him back i really missed him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 13, 2016 at 5:24 pm
Hi Diane,
why do you feel guilty? and if you feel guilty because you broke up with him, why did you broke up with him? Was your reason valid? Why or why not?
Kaite
November 9, 2016 at 5:41 am
Hi, so me and my ex were together for 8 years and just 2 months ago he left me to start a new relationship with his coworker which completely crushed me. I did the no contact rule and then we started texting again. It was very casual, friendly convervastions but some of them were very flirty and we were talking sexual together. Obvioysly nothing happened, and he told me that he was kind of seeing that girl from his job. That made me believe that he was only talking to me to boost his own ego and keep tabs on me to see if i was dating. My problem is, is that we texted everyday for about 3 weeks and then suddenly it stopped. My geuss is that maybe the other girl and him may be getting more serious, i dont know. But i feel like i screwed up by talking to him again so soon and now he will never regret leaving me…help! What do i do to make him feel like he misses me again? The last text i sent him was that we need to stop texting eachother because i just want to focus on myself and begin a new chapter and im happy where im at, because i dont wsnt him to think i still want him. Do u think i should have done something else? I feel like i ruined my chances of him truly missing me and regretting leaving me…i hope i did the right thing..idk.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 12, 2016 at 2:17 pm
Hi Kaite,
You need to read this:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
Mari Basur
November 9, 2016 at 3:37 am
My boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me a week back. He said he didn’t feel a spark anymore. I am completely devistated. He said we need time apart and maybe it can work in the future. I feel lost because he’s been in my life for so long. I helped when he lost his job, as he battled addiction and helped him get healthy. And now here we are.
Mari Basur
November 14, 2016 at 7:06 pm
We broke up 3 weeks ago, or something like that. I just implemented the no contact rule. He did text me to have a happy birthday weekend a few days ago. I didn’t reply. He has said that he loves me but he spark is gone. He said to give him time and time apart. But he doesn’t know how much time. My stuff is at his place. I have a key still. He has our cat. It has been very difficult for me to deal with because I was blindsided. We were together 7 happy years but I guess he wasn’t feeling it the last few months. I want to get back together. I realize now what I did wrong. I understand my role in our mistakes. I’m ready to make those changes.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 12, 2016 at 12:36 pm
Hi Mari,
Do you have any plans? What in your mind for your next step?
Nina
November 6, 2016 at 2:10 am
hi! before i implement the no contact rule, should i tell him that we can’t talk anymore? or should i just abruptly not reply to his text messages? we broke up because he said he lost his feelings for me, but he doesn’t like anyone as of the moment. i’m thinking about the no contact rule, butat the back of my head would he think i’m rude if i just not replies to him anymore. he might think it unfair that he replies to my text immediately after the breakup. also, we talk much even after 2 days of the breakup
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 10:37 am
Hi Nina,
you’re friendzoned after the breakup? If you are, and you kept talking, you can say that being friends is not working for you now, and you need space.. but don’t tell him that you’re going to do the no contact rule and don’t tell for how long you’re going to do it..
Nina
November 6, 2016 at 2:09 am
hi! before i implement the no contact rule, should i tell him that we can’t talk anymore? or should i just abruptly not reply to his text messages? we broke up because he said he lost his feelings for me, but he doesn’t like anyone as of the moment.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 10:37 am
Hi Nina,
you’re friendzoned after the breakup? If you are, and you kept talking, you can say that being friends is not working for you now, and you need space.. but don’t tell him that you’re going to do the no contact rule and don’t tell for how long you’re going to do it..
E.R
November 3, 2016 at 9:05 pm
My boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me October 14th. He said he needed time and space. We lived together. First he said he wanted a break , but then he returned and said he wanted to break up because he doesn’t want me waiting around for him to figure out what he wants. He also said he was very happy with how his life is right now , but as I was looking at him he didn’t look so happy . The main reason why we broke up was because he wanted more freedom to do his own thing . I did the NC but since we have multiple bills together and pets we have to talk here and there . When we first talked earlier during the break up he was distant and cold . But I recently talked to him and we scheduled a day for us to go out and get some drinks . As I was texting him he seemed in a really good mood genuinely happy to hear from me. For example for every text I would send him , in return he would send me 4 . I didn’t mention our relationship during the texts . But he did mention he will be coming soon to get his belongings from our place. Everything is confusing
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 5, 2016 at 9:28 pm
Hi Er,
why did he feel like that? Were you clingy? Did you improve yourself during and after the no contact rule?
Er
November 3, 2016 at 6:33 pm
My boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me October 14th. He said he needed time and space. We lived together. First he said he wanted a break , but then he returned and said he wanted to break up because he doesn’t want me waiting around for him to figure out what he wants. He also said he was very happy with how his life is right now , but as I was looking at him he didn’t look so happy . The main reason why we broke up was because he wanted more freedom to do his own thing . I did the NC but since we have multiple bills together and pets we have to talk here and there . When we first talked earlier during the break up he was distant and cold . But I recently talked to him and we scheduled a day for us to go out and get some drinks . As I was texting him he seemed in a really good mood genuinely happy to hear from me. For example for every text I would send him , in return he would send me 4 . I didn’t mention our relationship during the texts . But he did mention he will be coming soon to get his belongings from our place. Everything is confusing
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 5, 2016 at 9:29 pm
Hi Er,
why did he feel like that? Were you clingy? Did you improve yourself during and after the no contact rule?
Beth
November 2, 2016 at 8:24 pm
He broke up with me after 3 months of relationship, half of it we lived together, at the other half I had to travel next to my family to another city. It wasa the first relationship of both of us.
When we were in different cities, he came for my birthday, stayed in the city for few days, because some valid reasons I couldn’t made enough time for him. He got angry and we had a fight on whatsapp, he made me feel guilty, broke up with me on whatsapp and left the city. After a week, despite my ego, I’ve sent him an email, saying that I love him, we were both wrong in someways and but I never meant to hurt him, and I was sorry, lets start again etc.. Then he emailed some emotionless, cruel things and I got angry and deleted him on social media. And he blocked my phone number as I realized on whatsapp. After few days, I calmed down and emailed that “we don’t need to act like enemies”, he responded he thinks the same way, in a distant email. So I’ve added him only on facebook.
Then I’ve seen this website, decided to apply NC rule and I did. Eventhough it lasted 30 days, I didn’t really wanted to write anything to him yet, I didn’t have the courage, because he has some ego issues. I posted funny stuff, publicly chatted with my close male buddies, I made sure I looked cheerful.
At the end of summer I went back to the city we lived together because I study there, I continued the NC, another month passed. He was with his family in another city. One day, while I was drunk, I got pissed and emotional and deleted his facebook again and told my friends to do as well. I thought I would never see him again. Two days later, he appeared here again, when we run across he act as if didnt see me. And as I heard, when his friends asked him what happened with me, he showed him the MAILS, which doesn’t really give an objective view of what happened because in mails he was rude and emotionless while I was sad, sorry and ready to start again, and he even had written he had no feelings for me anymore. But while breaking up (on whatsapp, before the mails) he was sad, because he loved me and thinks I didn’t cared for him. He told them that he never really was in love with me, but I know it is not right.
I will be seeing him in the future, we have lots of mutual friends. I am still bitter but have some feelings and want him to regret and accept his feelings 🙁 What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 3, 2016 at 8:31 pm
Hi Beth,
I’m wondering why you extended the no contact rule, is it to make him reach out first or because you’re still bitter and you dont want to initiate yet or both?
It was a shirt relationship, the nc was too long for it but I understand.. If you want him to regret, the best approach is to let go of the bitterness and keep improving and being happy on your own..
if you keep being bitter and acting like it, he will just realizes more that he made the right decision of not getting back with you
maz
October 28, 2016 at 9:59 pm
what about if you have children together and have been together for 14 years. Hardly ever had an argument and the breakup was completely unexpected.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 31, 2016 at 3:58 pm
Hi Maz,
check this one:
Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together
Zoe
October 26, 2016 at 9:49 am
I’m on day 14 NC and my ex still seems very nasty if you ask me. He’s told me my stuff boxed up in garage and i need to collect it ASAP. I’ve agreed and going to collect this weekend (3 hour drive away) I’m almost getting a sense of anger from him especially when mentioning items that are mine and want back. Why do you think this is the case?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 1:38 pm
Hi Zoe,
if he’s angry, it would be better to just extend nc… Just be civil when you meet.. I’m not sure why he’s angry but most of the time, it’s some people’s way of maintaining power.. especially if he notices, that you’re ignoring him..
Jane
October 25, 2016 at 12:31 pm
If that works to keep you on yours toes, what happens when you’ve been together years? Im betting you get bored. My ex did. A woman can’t keep playing these games their whole life; when I stopped playing games he got bored and dumped me… after 14 happy years together. He doesnt want me back, and doesnt want anyone else either. We are best friends, and there’s no way he’d ever want me back.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 26, 2016 at 6:41 pm
Hi Jane,
I agree. You can’t keep playing games.. But what I found that works in a long term relationship, is growth.. You need to keep growing individually. Don’t stop learning and having your own life and improving yourself. Break off the routine once in a while, to shake things up and so, that you have something new to explore with each other..
Pinktie
October 22, 2016 at 11:16 pm
My boyfriend have been broken up a few weeks. he said she is not in love me anymore. I hurt with not fulfilling his needs. I now understand how he may felt neglected but is saying he does not want to be in a relationship with me. He is telling me that he wanted to focus his time for himself and his parents (with financial crisis). Aside from our differences in attitudes, goals he fell in love with girl 10years younger. (in a 1 year relationship with his bf).because she appreciates him and believes in his strenths..blah..the girl knows that he’s inlove with her and they were exchanging txt mesaages.We’ve been together for 13 years. He keeps on telling we that we have to separate now.. Do you think we still have a chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 24, 2016 at 5:40 pm
Hi Pinktie,
I answered your earlier comments.. and since I saw you commented on my recommended article, the grass is greener syndrome, what do you think about the advice there?
Tanya
October 22, 2016 at 4:45 pm
Hi, I read your article and I loved it.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost two years now, I am pretty possessive and jealous and he hates to argue.
Anyway, he left me already a few times saying it was really over, he loves more but he has enough of the arguments, and after a week (or less) or no contact he every time came back regretting. We briefly argued the other and he said he had enough he wanted to be alone and said he was 100% sure of his decisions. I haven’t contacted since but I am scared he won’t come back this time. If he does, Iits very difficult for me to ignore him because he says that if I ignore him its no point for him to run after me. Does he say this to scare me of losing him or is he sincere? Thank you for your help
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 23, 2016 at 6:24 pm
Hi Tanya,
it’s probaby just to scare you..you’re on and off so more likely he will really be back..if you always go for two weeks no contact, this time it would be better to do at least 30 days
Ashley Rivers
October 21, 2016 at 2:50 pm
Help I was dating this guy for five months he’s 24 and 33 I initially just fell for him and I know he loves me as well but we broke up when his job to move him to another state. Before he moved we talked about doing a long distance relationship and he agreed to it but after he left everything changed and went downhill . We will talk less and less he would tell me I was getting on his nerves and then one day he just asked me for space. So I gave him his space it did hurt and then I saw him on social media having a great time flirting with girls. Eventually we argued I said some mean things that he can’t look past sundown he think that’s the reason why he doesn’t see himself with me. I’m not sure if that’s a scapegoat for him but our relationship haven’t been the same since. He told me that he was in love with me and in the theme since he said he doesn’t see his self with me anymore . I know you don’t mean that he’s really emotional but he hides it very well but to make a long story short I went over to his house and I visit him in a Gusta and we had a really big falling out because I found out that he was dating a girl from his job . I spoke to her she said she was in a talk to him anymore I’m not really sure how that works I know she’s currently following me all social media I don’t know if she’s trying to keep up or what. All I want to Noah’s should I give up on him I love him I really do and I know he loves me. I made the calls I’ve sent the text and it’s to the point to where I feel like I’m doing too much and I just need to know what do I do from here . I’m afraid even if I do the no contact rule you’ll move on if I get about me or maybe it might work what can I do to help this process to be smooth as possible please I need your advice . Not to mention he has a great relationship with my daughter he talks to her often and he loves her but me and him we just seem to get the ad I in his words but I think it’s the fact that he wants to date other people and do what he wants to do .
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 22, 2016 at 9:58 pm
hi Ashley,
There’s no guarantee that the no conract rule will work but it’snot going to help if you keep chasing him.. Talking to the girl he’s dating probably just made him angry..
Jess
October 17, 2016 at 3:09 pm
Hi.. just need some advice 🙁
I’ve been talking to a guy for a few months and I yelled at him for something last week and he ended up leaving because I wasn’t giving him enough time due to my busy schedule and he didn’t think it was going to work . I have since then apologized and told him I was willing to put in more effort if he was too but it left me out on the cold because he stood by his decision even though said he cared and wanted things to work he said maybe someday. I told him I had a lot of regrets and thanked him for everything, saying he will make someone very happy one day. I just keep wondering “what if?” And if he will ever even come back?… I don’t know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 18, 2016 at 5:27 pm
Hi Jess,
give him space.. try doing 30 days no contact and then improve yourself..after that, initiate contact and slowly rebuild rapport