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Fed up!
May 2, 2016 at 7:06 am
Hi I am a 20 year old female and me and my boyfriend had been together for a year and 3 months. We have the best times together and as he lives in my street a few houses down we see eachother every day. Not all day every day but we’re very close. We’re like best friends and I think that’s what makes it a lot harder than it should be that we have broke up. The problem is he has said this so many times before we argue and he says we should break up so I don’t text him and he texts me back after a few hours, the longest he has gone is 2 days we argued the Friday night he left the Saturday morning and he texted me the Sunday night complaining about how I didn’t text him and when he came round he was completely normal and went back to treating me like a princess. The problem is we broke up last night and I really think it’s for real this time. He thinks it’s my fault and I think it’s his but it’s pretty obviously his and I’m not just saying that because it’s me, he lied to me about going out and then when I confronted him about it he was really mean and said some hurtful things. He then told me he doesn’t want to be with me and left. Whenever he’s told me he wanted to break up before he has always took it back and apologised because I just accepted it and I think it scared him and I think he says it to try and hurt me or get me to give into him in some way. He tells me I don’t care enough which is just not true as I think I’m the one who cares more but I think that’s why he does it because if he wanted to break up with me he has had so many opportunities. Another problem is he is really stubborn so even if he didn’t mean it I have a feeling he’s going to be too stubborn to text me after this argument because it was a really big one and he said and done some things that no one would be proud of and may feel like he can’t come back from that. I just want him to care enough to stop his stupid behaviour and treat me right all of the time not just sometimes. We argue like this like once every two weeks. I don’t know what to do, do you think I have a chance of him coming back or is it over now for good? I’m not going to text him but I’ve done that before and I just hate it! I end up checking my phone every 5 minutes and I don’t eat or leave my room because I’m too depressed thinking it’s over. I’ve gave so much to this relationship and we have been through so much together even in just over a year
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 3, 2016 at 12:50 pm
HI Fed up,
time to do other things now instead of just waiting for him to text.. if he’s really stubborn, it will take longer but I think he’ll come to his senses once he realizes he’s really the one that is wrong here and it’s more wrong for him to expect that you should reach out after what he said.. I think you should let him cool off, maybe a 2 weeks? Because you said the longest you’ve is 2 days right? If he doesn’t initiate within 2 weeks, start with nc.. make it just 21 days.. be really busy, improve yourself, make a new routine.. I know it sounds too much but with his attitude, you have to stand your ground.. coz, if you don’t this will repeat again.. if he goes to talk you anytime soon like nothing happened, be calm… and observe if he’s in a good mood and then talk about what happened. if he’s not in a good mood, hold off the talk coz it will just probably lead to a fight.
#Depro_over_a_guy....
April 29, 2016 at 4:57 pm
Heyy…..Could one of you please email me? I have a problem and I really wanna post it where everyone can see it. I would be really grateful if I could maybe email it to you?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 11:34 am
Hi,
you can email your story at [email protected]
Confused
April 28, 2016 at 8:21 am
Ok so me and my boyfriend has been going out for 9+ years, he broke up with me last week cuz he though am cheating on him cuz he saw a message conversation between me and a guy friend. He didn’t allow me to explain anything just lashed out at me saying all sorts of nasty things. He sent me a nasty message after 2 days stating that he wants me to come get my stuff. This is like the 3rd break up we have had which was always initiated by him. Mostly silly things. I generally try to understand the situation since he does not communicate properly and end up going behind him trying to get closure. We were planning on getting married, this is the 2nd attempt of trying to do so however he has commitment issues and is scared of getting married.
I have not gotten in touch with him ever since the breakup. Should I get in touch trying to explain to him that I didn’t cheat and it was a chat after all he read it. Or what should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 7:50 am
Hi COnfused,
yes, send one explanation text when you know he has cooled off.
Less Talk, More Me
April 27, 2016 at 10:44 am
Hi,
My ex and I broke up 2 weeks ago (actually without my full knowledge at first). We had a huge fight after I found this out, and I mistakenly reached out after a week to apologize for the hurtful things I said and just leave it at no hard feelings. He agreed and also apologized. And we left it at that. Anyhow, I am now implementing the no contact rule, and I am a week in. I highly doubt he will reach out to me bc he’s so stubborn. My question is that I am hosting my daughter’s birthday in a few weeks and was wondering if I should invite him. I allowed him to be a part of her life as “mom’s friend”. And he also has a young daughter he can bring to the party. Shall I send him an evite, without any other contact? Or would this break the NC rule?
Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 4:16 am
HI less talk, more me!
for me you can send him an invite, that’s ok..
Gray
April 26, 2016 at 12:57 pm
Hi. My ex boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7months. We have seen each other growing into this relationship. Learn to understand each other’ strength and weaknesses. Our relationship was health,strong and we were happy. Past few weeks we were even talking about kids, marriage and moving in together. But last week things has started to change. He travelled to Amsterdam for a conference. He didn’t text or call that he arrived well I tried to reach out with no luck. After few days he wrote me an email telling me he won’t be able to attend the dinner plan with my friend as his plane from Amsterdam will arrive late, I accepted that. When he got back he didn’t contact me until I did asking if we were meeting that Sunday. He said yes then he came over. On Monday he went silent until I wrote to him he then replied. Same as following days. I decided to keep quiet for few days and he went silent until I texting him again on Saturday when he insisted he will come over on Sunday. He actually came but he said he has been thinking about this relationship and he doesn’t see future in it. He mentioned we have different culture and hobbies and he thinks it will be difficult for me to get a job in this country as i am a foreigner and he is not ready to marry me and leave his city and friends behind. Then I said we all make choices whatever choice we make one should embrace it. He left after few minutes. I didn’t write to him or call after that incident… do you think there’s a chance for us or should I move on ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 7:36 am
Hi Gray,
did the marriage talk made him feel pressured?
SweetRain
April 26, 2016 at 2:20 am
My boyfriend recently broke up with me after a 6 month long relationship because his family is putting a lot of pressure and stress on him. He told me he still want me to be a close friend of his. I told him i needed a break to get over the breakup before we can become friends and he way really okay with it. He even told me he wants me to move on so I wont be hurt. Is there still a chance of him and I? I am currently 3 days into the NC rule. Our relationship was very meaningful and very loving. We argued but we calmly talked them out and then those topics were never brought up again. I know that he was happy in the relationship and he still told me the day after he broke up with me that he cares about me and loves me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 6:40 am
HI,
you sent that during nc? Well that’s okay.. just start the count over.. and you’re right you shouldn’t be chasing him.
Booted by the Band
April 23, 2016 at 6:25 pm
My boyfriend and I were together for over a year and just broke up recently. Everything was great until about a month ago we started to have issues…he started to become withdrawn which just made me become extremely needy. When he broke up with me he wouldn’t give me a definite reason why, like he kept changing the reason. Then he finally said he wasn’t in love with me the same anymore. It just doesn’t seem right because everything was great a month ago, and he’s in a band that started to really kick off right when we started having all these issues so I think that may be a part of it but I’m not sure. Also, I really want to do the no contact period but I have some of his stuff still and he has some of mine, should I give it to him now or wait until the no contact period is over to try?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 25, 2016 at 1:32 pm
Hi Booted by the band,
you can talk about your things during no contact as long as it’s only for meeting to give the things.. I don’t want to get offensive.. but maybe the relationship is getting boring and then the excitement of the new band kinda made him think that he’s having more fun there than the relationship
Completely lost
April 23, 2016 at 6:14 am
Hello! My boyfriend broke up with me since last month. He told me that he doesn’t love me like lover. Before this event happened, one of our friend lost her mom and he started to go all the way to support her. He became busy and didn’t want to do thing or talk to me much anymore. I begged him to come back couple times until i stopped contacting him for 2 weeks. Then he contacted me back after that 2 weeks, the first time went out with him and we did the same old things we did on the first day we dated. After, he disappeared for a week and contacted me again. I wanted to follow the no contact rule but he showed up at my apartment twice so i couldn’t refuse. I don’t want to be mean. However, at the early of this week, I got stress from work and felt depressed so I drove pass by his house and saw the girl’s car ( the one that lost her mom) in front of his house (They have been hanging out, talking, and texting a lot for all this time). I couldn’t keep my mouth shut the next day he stopped by at my house again, so i asked about their relationship and he said they are just friend. I felt like he was playing me. I got the feeling that he only wanted to see me when she is not available. I lost my temper and then I went to check on him the next night and he caught me drove by his house. He told me that he felt uncomfortable that I acted like a stalker. Anyway, I did lie to him that it was not me who drove pass by his house. Now, I haven’t heard from him since Tuesday. Do you think I already loose my chance to win him back? What should I do?
Completely lost
April 24, 2016 at 2:06 am
I’m not close to her but we are friend. They texted and talked mostly every 2-3 times per week. A month before we broke up, he went to see her a lot and didn’t tell me about it. I didn’t know if he chose her before me or not, but I felt that way. What should I do if i’m just being jealous?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 26, 2016 at 10:26 am
well, either they’re together now or not.. you can’t comment anything bad about her because that will just make him side to her more.. but I agree that you have basis to be jealous especially that he kept it secret.. it was just not handled well.. if you’re not talking, do the usual nc.. improve yourself and don’t mention anything about them or her
Completely lost
April 23, 2016 at 6:37 am
Just additional info, I think he contacted me back last week around April 12h because I posted the picture that I went riding bicycle in the park. I don’t understand him at all. If he left me for that girl and they both are dating right now, why would he come back to hurt me? He told me he couldn’t see the future between us cuz we r so different. He didn’t feel the connection between us. Every time we met after broke up, He always ask me to hug him really tight. I really don’t know what he want.
Still I want him back.
Thank you in advance for your response!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 23, 2016 at 3:01 pm
Hi Completely lost,
how far did he go to support her? did he always chose her before you? Why is it only him? Are you not that close with her? I’m not sure if you’re right or just being jealous.. I have to be honest because if they are together, then you should move on.. if you’re being jealous, then your actions helped to push him further to her
Regan
April 22, 2016 at 6:55 pm
My boyfriend and I were together for 3 years and 9 months. We officially broke up about a month ago. We lived together for the entire time we dated. We dated while we were in college (he went to Albright and I went to Lock Haven). Yes, 3 hours away from each other. I could get into the beginning of our relationship but that would take a very long time. I’m going to fast forward to the last 8 months of our relationship. I’m not sure what went wrong. He started acting different. When I say different. I mean he would be going out all the time…drinking every single day. He stopped working out and got very depressed. One day I went through his Ipad and found text messages from an older woman (late 40s) and a girl that bartenders at PJ’s. He was sexually texting these women. Once I found out about the texts I flipped out. I was completely heart broken. My dumb-ass stayed with him and thought that he would change. It got worse form there. His jealousy was horrible and on top of that he was very controlling. He hated when I went out with my girlfriends. He would tell me how to dress. But it was okay for him to go out and get completely hammered. I finally ended the relationship when I found out that he was all over girls when he would go to the bars. He would be touching them and acting like he didn’t have a girlfriend. I was fed up with all the bullshit. Once I broke up with him he was okay with it. He didn’t try to beg for me back. He said, “okay I want to focus on my career and self.” Long story short he moved to Allentown for his job. He’s a medical sales rep. He makes a good amount of money. Before he was working 4 different jobs. I think the money got to his head. He thought he was better than all of his friends. I’m very hurt right now. I don’t understand how someone can say the “love you” one minute and then the next move away. It seemed like he was happy to go out and be single. The funny thing is that all of his friends love me and think I’m a lot of fun. Everyone keeps telling me that he won’t find someone as pretty and fun as me. Ever since the breakup he’s been very mean and nasty. He told me that he “loved me” and that I shouldn’t contact his family..I’m annoying and I should leave him alone. He was never mean like this to me before.
He even told his mom that I was the one. He would also tell me all the time that he was going to marry me. The thing that hurts me the most is that he told me that sex was the only thing keeping us together for the last 8 months of our relationship. Now I find out that he’s on tinder. I haven’t talked to him for 5 days. I’m trying the no-contact rule. I just wish I could understand his actions and the want to be single all of a sudden. We were a team and it just fell apart.
Regan
April 26, 2016 at 6:08 pm
My ex and I both have jealousy issues. It got worse towards the end of our relationship. We both went to the same high school so we follow the same people on instagram. We both would get upset when one or the other would like the opposite sex photo. So we both stopped doing it so that it wouldn’t cause a fight. This past week I see that he is literally liking every girls photo on instagram. I’m not sure if he’s trying to get a reaction out of me. The old me would of flipped out. I haven’t said anything to him. Why do you think he’s doing this? Is he trying to get with these girls?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 8:23 am
maybe he is trying to get a reaction out of you because it’s irrational to like every girls photos.. So, prove him wrong.. you’re not the old you anymore.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 23, 2016 at 1:53 pm
Hi Regan,
Maybe you are right.. if it’s his first time to have a lot of money and be able to have fun like this, maybe he’s not handling it very well.. stay with nc.. let’s hope he realizes it sooner but whether he does or not, be the girl he loved and improve.. at least that way you don’t lose yourself and if you live apart and he sees you’re doing good, he might miss you.. because even if he’s having fun right now.. it’s still different to have a quality relationship
B
April 22, 2016 at 12:42 pm
Hi, I’m actually a guy who chanced upon your website. My girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago. I guess the root cause was primarily her lack of trust in me because I cheated in my previous relationship and it was actually with her. So she was basically the third party in the relationship and she knew everything that went on. I eventually got together with her. I believe that because of that, she has always had her doubts about whether I will do the same thing again. In all honesty, I tried assuring her that it’s precisely because of all the hurt I caused when I cheated, that I wouldn’t do something like that again. I even reduced contact with some of my female friends she felt more ‘threatened’ with. The trigger however was this period of time when I didn’t see her as much for about 2 weeks or so because it was the busier period in school, with assignments and exams and all. And unfortunately, I actually told her to try to be less emotionally dependent as it put quite abit of stress on me at that time when I had to juggle both her needs and school work. While I tried to assure her that I was really focusing on school work, she felt that me not meeting her as much was a reflection of me losing interest in her and she somehow detached her feelings for me and told me that she didn’t love me anymore after that 2 weeks.
I genuinely love this girl and have been trying to get her back to no avail. She says that it’s not a matter of whether she will be happy with me anymore, but that she doesn’t have any feelings for me anymore and also that getting back together with an ex just “isnt something that she does”. I only decided to go on a no-contact with her about 3 weeks after breaking up and we are still on a no-contact now. Is there anything I can still do to try to get her back? Especially when she has a mentality of not getting back with ex-es?
Thanks for taking time to read this!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 23, 2016 at 11:10 am
Hi B,
have you been active in impriving yourself during no contact? and don’t do any jealousy moves.. if you really come from being friendly, that she thinks you’re just being friendly amd touching base after a while when you start talking to her, then you can start to slowly rebuild everything
Lucy
April 20, 2016 at 7:35 pm
Hey, so i’ve messaged via email but had no response to my avail after a week. So thought i’d give this a go. It will be 2 weeks Friday that my boyfriend of 6 months has broken up with me. We had a good relationship I felt, but things did start to get rather funny towards the end. He suddenly became rather busy, and I found I had to really ask when he was going to fit me in but I still saw him every week (as he lived an hour away). I noticed he became a lot “lazier”, I was always initiating sex and coming to see him, and we’d just “Netflix and chill”. His birthday then came around, however his birthday was a weekday, and I asked if he wanted to me to come down and he just stated “well i’m going for dinner with my family, but can if you want” obviously didn’t seem that he wanted me too, so I didn’t and instead came down for the weekend for the night out with his friends, most of which I’d never met. One of his friends is one of those guys that are rude but then play it off as a joke, and constantly threw comments at me which my boyfriend didn’t defend. As the night went on, he didn’t integrate me with his friends and I felt completely ignored. This is the night we had our first argument, but we we’re rather drunk. We’re fine in the morning until his mate started with comments of my drunken anger when I said I would just leave in the morning. I had a word, and he finally told his mate to drop it. 3 weeks went on and we started having these stupid bickers, which were always over text; never in person. So one day I just said “I’ll come down tonight and we can discuss everything, because I don’t want to bicker anymore.” So I went down prepared to discuss everything and come to a conclusion. But he dumped me. Said “We weren’t compatible” and “it’s not you, it’s me” his eyes were watery and he said he felt sick, but he felt it was the right thing to do, as he couldn’t give me what I wanted. So I drove home. I managed to hold off texting him till 7pm next day, where I begged, and he told me I had broken his trust. I continued till 5pm the next day. Then I found this site and stopped… I didn’t message him for 7 days. But during that week I saw a tarot card reader and she told me on the “9th day of missing him” he would message me with good news; this was the 7th day NC. I waited until 7.30pm and caved, he said he still stood by his decision and refuses to meet. When I said well you can message me whenever you like he replied with the mocking “ok…” I have now not spoken to him for two days, and my birthday is in three weeks, I just feel so lost and defeated and not sure what to do. Also to this day he’s never said he loved me, but never pressed him to say it back as I knew he had to take his time.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 22, 2016 at 12:16 pm
Hi Lucy,
focus on your nc this time.. set him aside for 30 days and be active for yourself, be more indepensent from him and improve your emotional strength and be active improving other aspects of your life
Catherine
April 20, 2016 at 5:59 pm
My bf and I just broke up a little over a week ago. We have been living together for a year but I moved out the next day after he “broke up” with me. I use quotes because it wasn’t actually very clear if it was a break up or a break, or whatever. It came out of nowhere and I felt completely blindsided. We were out having a good time and then later in the night (after drinking for hours) he said he was unhappy. The next day I asked him about this (sober) and he said the same thing. He was unhappy. So I was like okay, well do you need space? What are you unhappy about? And he just kept saying “I don’t know” “I love you, you’re my best friend.” “I just don’t know.” He did mention how I wanted to get married and have kids and he said he’s not sure what he wants. He thinks things will get worse and he will be even more unhappy if we go that route. The weird thing is, we had a very wonderful relationship. Although, things did happened fast, we were ALWAYS together, but we got along great, our families got along, our friends got along, we never really argued (unless alcohol induced) his parents came to my parents for Christmas, things seemed actually perfect. The only thing I can think of is little things that I’ve done along the way, such as nagging, or not giving him enough time alone with his friends, etc. Maybe all the little things started to boil over. I asked him how long he’s been feeling this way and he said “a few week” WTF how do you end things because of a few weeks worth of frustrations? But it also makes sense because on Easter, we went to my cousins and some people starting talking to him about marriage and saying “it’s been two years, shit or get off the pot” “women are all nagging, it just gets worse, you just need to deal with it” and things of that nature. That may have sent him over the edge as well. As a matter of fact, the night of Easter, he went out with friends and didn’t come home until the next morning. Which sent me into a rage. Anyway, I am not really sure what happened because he did not clearly break up with me. And like most guys, he is not very good at communicating his feelings. The next day after the break up, he texted me that he loved me and didn’t know what to do and said maybe we should work on this. I said I would try if I had a chance and he said “well lets see.” But then he went radio silent for a few days… I reached out 3 days later to get a package from his house and he said he would give it to me and text me when he got home. He said this 3 times… I’m still waiting to get the package….. He keeps saying now, “Oh, I’m out watching the game” “I’m at my parents, I’ll text you tomorrow.” I told him to leave it on the porch and he said he’ll text me when he gets home. So now I’m even more confused. Does he want to see me or does he not? We have a lot to talk about but I think he really needs his space. I’m going to try the no contact starting today. What are your thoughts about this? Thank you…. Wish me luck!
Catherine
June 16, 2016 at 2:22 pm
Hi again Amor,
I have an update and need some more advice, please. 🙂
So, I broke NC after 22 days. I reached out to wish him a Happy birthday and said hopefully we can talk soon. He replied with “Thanks Cat let’s talk this week, I have some mail here for you too.” We texted back and forth a bit.. I ended it with “Enjoy your night, text me this week when you’re free.” he replied “Thanks will do” Then the week came and went and I never heard from him. So after 8 days, I reached out saying I was thinking of him and asked if we could meet later so I could grab my mail. He said he wasn’t around and he’d text me when he got home. (Which he didn’t.) This seems to be a theme after the break up.. gives me hope we can talk or see each other but then never follows through and he wasn’t like this at all during our relationship. Anyway after no reply I got a little emotional with my texts saying We don’t need to talk, it’s clear that you’re done and its not what I was hoping for.. but could you please leave my mail on the porch and I’ll grab it so I can just leave you alone. So he texted me in the morning apologizing that he got home late, he already left for work, but left my mail in the mailbox. So I swung by and picked it up and texted him thanks but I still can’t believe after 2 years together you’re not able to talk to me.. it is what it is and I wish you all the best…. He never answered that text of course and now I’m back at 24 days NC.
My friend ran into him 2 weeks ago and he went right up to her and her bf and tried buying them a drink and asked how I was and if they’ve hung out with me etc… (Which I thought was a good thing cuz he’s thinking about me.) They chatted a bit, she asked what happened and he was just like “I dunno, we weren’t happy, it just wasn’t working out” Then the following weekend my moms friend ran into him and asked where I was? He was like oh we broke up.. She asked what happened and again he said “I dunno, I wasn’t happy and I don’t think she was either” the friend said aw that’s a shame you guys were so good together yata yata yata, do you think you’ll get back together? He said something like “No, I don’t think she’s the right one for me. Not the one I see spending my life with.”
I’ve been holding onto hope for 2 months now with no progress. It’s clear he doesn’t see a future with me if that’s what he’s telling other people, but he’s never told me that. The last he said was he loves me and maybe we should try and work on this? But maybe he said that just cuz he felt bad?
Anyway, I’m now at 24 days NC since I sent the last text. I don’t know what to do next? Do I ask him for a closure talk and move on? Do I continue with your guys advice from the website? I’m so lost and confused. Please help! Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 18, 2016 at 12:50 pm
hmmm.. if he sees your posts, would he think that you have moved on?
Catherine
May 3, 2016 at 8:40 pm
Hi Amor,
I think you’re probably right about the marriage thing. Along with some other things that he’s swept under the carpet that eventually boiled over. He’s not good at expressing his feelings. Before implementing the NC rule, I reached out to him and asked him to try and open up and not just run away, its unfair. He replied saying he knows its unfair to me, he’s not going to just run away, but he doesn’t know how to show or say how he feels. I replied with well can you let me know a little bit as to what’s going on in your mind, do you just need space or are you completely done? I guess that was a little pushy, but he ended the relationship and the next day texted me that maybe we should work on it, so I feel like I’m in limbo. Anyway, after I got no reply for him, (which I feel like he IS just running away!) I began the NC rule. I’m on day 11. I haven’t heard from him, I thought he might break by now, is this normal? Also, his birthday is one day after 21 days NC. Would it be okay to wish him a happy birthday? Or should I stick to 30 days NC? Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 4, 2016 at 12:45 pm
it’s better if you stick to 30 days.. sometimes they don’t contact because they don’t know what to say..
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 22, 2016 at 11:51 am
Hi Catherine,
it looks like he really is afraid to get married.. give him space..let him think and then just be busy..show him the other side of you by improving yourself and posting about your activities
yaz
April 20, 2016 at 5:38 pm
Hi,
I recently broke up with my boyfriend like three weeks ago, and i feel like it was the worst mistake. I am still very in love with him but I think that he has moved on. I hear that he doesnt care at all when im talking to another guy and a rumor that he has another girlfriend. I am so heartbroken and I really want to get back with him. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 22, 2016 at 11:07 am
Hi Yaz,
I think you should start 30 day nc now before trying to contact him
Confused
April 19, 2016 at 4:26 pm
I will first off say thank you for your reply in advance and your website has really helped me. Problem is… I listened to the NC rule and it worked.. the bad thing is I stopped listening to what the team suggested afterwards, dove in swan dive style and now RIGHT back where I was before. *shakes head*
———————————————————————————————————————————————————-Also, this is an online relationship. We both work on Twitch/YouTube and met through friends about 3 years ago. We hit it off AMAZINGLY well. Talked and spent time together everyday, always laughing and making fun of one another. One year ago almost on the dot he confessed he did love me. Told me he thought he found “the one”. Forward to six months later and after many talks about our future he got another job, and I noticed a change. He was dead tired, cranky and depressed, he stopped communicating and anything I did to try and open the lines just didn’t work. He started drifting and unfortunately I overcompensated and he ended up saying he needed time away. I panicked and did everything I shouldn’t of done. Luckily! This is where I stumbled across your website and in the mist of my second attempt to try and reason with him I stopped dead and followed the NC rule. For a month and a half I stayed away, once I came back we seemed to be fine, back to normal. This is where again… I messed up, shortly after I wrote a direct simple message saying I wanted to give you and I a real shot at this when our lives get better, he agreed. Instead of making him WANT to talk to me, creating excitement I jumped in as I said above “swan style” and started helping him again with his work.. pretty much became his puppy. He started ignoring my flirtation and gave me every sign in the world he was again backing off. *sigh* He said “To be honest I can’t see myself in any kind of relationship with anyone until I start and am in a relationship with my daughter” but when we were together before he wanted me around when he was working out his issues, so I’m not sure what to believe. If I am getting played by him hitting me with something he knows ill understand and it’s a quick getaway or if he is telling the truth. I told him I understood, that he is the only one who can decide what is best for himself. That if this is the true reason I support him. I then sent him a vocal message making sure he knew that I didn’t mean starting the relationship now, but in the future when we met, only to progress right now and support one another. Now, I’m stuck. I don’t want to message him anymore but I also feel like he is making a mistake. Do I re initiate the NC? Or support him. I’m worried if I support him he will use me and give me nothing back; but on the other hand I’m worried that if I don’t support him he will think I don’t care and we won’t get another chance at this. I REALLY feel like I’ve screwed up. I didn’t tell him I loved him, liked him. Only that I missed him. I didn’t over text or message, I just feel like I may have jumped back too strongly into supporting him and he felt suffocated. He also has a lot going on with work and has said himself that he is stressed. I feel like I just added to it and that’s why he backed right off. I’m so lost in this and I miss him. I was so happy when we started talking again and I’m afraid by my actions it’s once again lost.
Confused
May 7, 2016 at 6:32 am
Hi Amor. Thankyou for the advice. I completely backed off. I realized I made the massive mistake of moving too fast. I wait for him to initiate conversation and I don’t GNAT. I support his work but not as much – he kinda poked at me and made it obvious that he noticed me not being as active or there. He’s been messaging me about how shit he feels from work (very short sentences since he’s not much of a talker). Asks other people how my work is going/what I’m doing. Shows protectiveness and jealousy. He has been showing support for what I do much more than when I wrote you before. He still seems to go hot and cold. I realized he is treating me like the woman I was before our break (clingy, emotional) and interpreting our conversations or things I do in a insecure way because that is how I used to be instead of a place of strength. It’s really affecting things. Do I bring it up in a straightforward way just letting him know he isn’t stressing me out (as he thinks) I want to support him but his actions are pushing me away? Or do I just let everything play its course. How much should I back out? I feel not clearing the air will be detrimental, advice would be greatly appreciated
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 9, 2016 at 1:09 am
you can tell it the positive way.. like, I’m touched you’re doing this because you care but don’t worry! I’m version 2.0 of the girl you know 😉
Confused
April 20, 2016 at 12:29 pm
*correction* Sorry I noticed this after I reread it and though it may be an important part. I wrote that he said “I’m fine with keeping communications open” I missed the ending to that sentence where he said “I’m fine with keeping communications open, that’s not what I’m saying at all” I had said he didn’t have to go through this alone, that I was there to bring him support when he needed it. Also that 4-5 months from now is when I wanted to look at whether or not we would work out, all I wanted at the moment was to support each other through what we are going through and communicate.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 21, 2016 at 11:49 am
I think it’s best that you let him be.. he knows you’re waiting and it’s killing the attraction..if he really needs support, he’ll say it
Confused
April 20, 2016 at 11:58 am
Update: I backed off and told him he only knows what is best for himself and if it is truly the reason than I support him. I also talked briefly about the fact I did not say I wanted a relationship RIGHT now, but rather progress to that point and that his actions of overwhelming himself with thinking he has to act in a relationship type way is complicating things for himself. He messaged me back after his work night and said “I’m fine with keeping communications open. I wish I could say I was happy everyday but I’m just not where I want to be in life and that makes me extremely depressed. The mistakes I’ve made a long the way have contributed to that and its something I have to work through. I’m sorry that this is causing you stress. I don’t want that to happen.” Then he goes on to discuss his friends are leaving him because they don’t spend time with him anymore, his work sucks and his Twitch dream is failing and he is losing motivation. I finally got to the route cause of what was bothering him by backing off. I understand and am willing to support him through it BUT I am very afraid (my friends have said this) that he is keeping me on the back burner, on a hook and doesn’t care about me anymore. I believe that he just can’t take on a relationship with me RIGHT now because his head is a mess. He wouldn’t be communicating these issues or saying he wants to keep talking if he didn’t care. I help him on his Twitch channel and some say I am being a martyr because of the way he is treating me. I want to continue support but not come off as being used.
Charlotte
April 19, 2016 at 2:54 pm
Hey!
My boyfriend broke up with me on the first of April for a list of reasons, some being nothing in common (to which I replied with we do, and if I was with someone who had ALL the same interests as me, that would be boring), arguments, spending time together and my levels of stress and worry with certain situations. He first told me that this was at least a break and there may be a chance of getting back together, but to not hold me breath. Giving me hope. I understand that there are things to work on, and I’m currently working on it now, joining the gym, eating better and going out with friends. We have been going out for almost. I tried the none contact from April 2nd and caved so many times as I was worried about him and wanted to make sure he was alright. When he responded I did beg (I KNOW I KNOW! STUPID MOVE) But we seemed to be getting somewhere. But then he said don’t contact him until he contacted me. Again I caved. So I’ve started the none contact again from Sunday April 17th, to which happened after he said that we we’re 100% over. I had him on Facebook and noticed that he made a status something along the lines of “I hope they are thinking about me too” Obviously it couldn’t have been me, because I had been contacting him. So asked my friend to do some detective work, she confirmed it, but he wouldn’t say who. The day he split he said he would never do anything like this in the time and I believe him. Can you think of the reason why he wrote this? Something to do with me contacting him and pushing him further away I thought? But I quizzed him about it a few days ago and he said “None of your business”. He then called me a stalker and deleted me off Facebook. But we left it on civil terms I wished him luck and said that I would like to be friends one day, to which he agreed. I adore this guy and I’m gutted that I could have spoiled my chances further…My questions are..
1) Shall I continue with the none contact from when I last spoke to him, even though he broke up with me a while ago?
2) The status? Any suggestions?
3) I’m an idiot in contacting him! I know now that, probably pushed him away further.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 21, 2016 at 10:36 am
Hi Charlotte,
before anything else..focus in you first..it doesn’t matter whatever he posted because it will not benefit you.. You have to focus on regaining independence first so you won’t be clingy again.. and because you have to be complete individually before being in a relationship..
and then after that, decide if you want to move on or reconnect with him
MIMI
April 19, 2016 at 3:32 am
Hi EBR Team, my bf (ex) and I have been dating for almost 1 year and half and recently we just got broke up. The night before we broke up out of sudden he said my WhatApps was online and I didn’t reply him. That particular time I was having dinner so I didn’t hold up to my phone. I tried to explained to him there could be sometime error or problem with the apps and maybe because my background still running because I remember I lock my phone without close the apps properly but he still said I’m a lier. My biggest problem was everytime we had fight I will put a status on my facebook regarding problem that I had with him but I had never been mention him out loud or tag him but I typed it as in generally such as ” Does anyone had any problem with WhatsApps and Facebook messenger online even your phone is lock? does anyone know how to fix it? ” He was so mad about it because he said why I have to tell the world about it. My attention was tried to find answer and prove him that I didn’t lie about it. The next day I tried to act like normal as every morning we will text and say morning kisses to each other but that morning he just texted lets be friend because he had to many problem to sort out. I knew and understand all the problem that he been going through for the last few month. He came from below average family and he support his family as well. I accept for who is he and I’m okay with everything about him as I have always there for him because he had to many problem he fall apart and said he scared he will wasting my time and scared he couldn’t take care of me. He said give him time and understand him as he need to calm his life first. He even said there could be someone else better for me so don’t wait for him. I don’t want us to be apart at all as I still love him very much no doubt. I’m trying my best to give him time and space until he sort out his problem and he life would be calmer. I even deactivate my facebook and instagram as I don’t want to stalk him and I know I couldn’t take if he commenting with his friends while I couldn’t get him to reach me. Am I doing the right way? I him miss badly I really wish he miss me and want me back. I have a lot thing in my mind just to get him back but I don’t want to push him away . Please help me as I really want him back in my life.
MIMI
April 25, 2016 at 2:52 am
Hi Amor,
Thank you for your reply. Its been a week plus after we broke up and I did get to see him last week by surprised him because I couldn’t help myself by thinking what was our problem. Well of course he was mad that I didn’t tell him that I’m coming to see him. If I did really tell him I bet he will say no and he is not prepare to meet at the moment. We got to talk and he said there was nothing problem between us and its not about what I posted but he really need time to solve all his family problems and if he still in relationship with me he couldn’t make any time for me. He work 6 days a week so he only have 1 day rest to sort out all the thing need to be done yet a day sometime we work up to 10 to 16 hours per day. I really understand all his problem how I wish I can help him out but he said he doesn’t want me to get involve in his problem as he knows that I have to take care of my parent as well and he want to solve by himself without any help. He said give him time for him to solve all his problem until he is stable again. He did cried while he explained to me and when I said I can accept for he is and I wont walk away from him even he get broke. He really want time and said lets be friend at the moment. When he is prepare he said he will go out with me. I can accept a bit after that and trying my best to understand that he need times to recover. A day after until today I still send short text like morning, how are like just simple text but just sometime during morning or night before I went to sleep. As my heart still care for him with he work environment and working hours I know we easily get sick that why I still texted him just to know he is okay but the thing is he only reply to what I asked but he never asked me anything. He just send text that he is busy right now and take good care of my health as for my own good. Should I do 30 day no contact rules or how? I still love him and I’m willing to wait but how I do to not bother him and make him he say miss me. He is kind of person when he miss you, love you he wont say it directly but he will show it and say it out of sudden by surprise.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 26, 2016 at 8:44 pm
Hi Mimi,
let’s say he is telling the truth, then after doing nc, if his family problems and work schedule is the same he will not change his mind. And continuing to text him now just shows you’re chasing him.. If you really want him to miss you, you have to stop being present.. He can’t miss somebody who’s always there. But for me, move on, if you keep waiting, even if he’s ready, he might find it irritating or unattractive but if you move on, and when he’s ready and he saw that you’re more independent and not clingy, then there’s a chance he might be attracted again. But right now, if you want to try a month nc, it’s ok but don’t expect too much. It’s ok to do nc because it’s mostly for your healing but if you’re going to do it because you’re hoping he would miss you after a month of absence, then things might go back to the same problem because once he sees you’re always present again, he will find too much again.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 21, 2016 at 9:34 am
Hi Mimi,
all of that just because of one post? give him time to cool off and then talk again..if he really doesn’t want to at least it’s easier to do nc
Trish
April 19, 2016 at 3:16 am
We’ve known each other for 9 months. We were exclusively dating. We were happy. No 3rd party involve. Just that, he has different set of priorities. I always want him to text me everyday. Not really the update me what you do everyday kind of thing. But like text me once a day to know that i have even crossed your mind feels. Like for me to know that he is there. Since he said he’s really not into texting and he is so tired from work i let it pass. However, I was super angry at this one time i tryna call him cause i missed him and then he was busy hanging out with his friends playing ball. I was hurt and i told him we have to break it off. I can no longer stand it. and then he texted me for two days and on the third day when i’ve calmed down i was ready to reconcile. and he started talking about space and him being unfair to me. at first i didnt want to agree but yeah i agreed. then after a week, i contacted him and asked how he was and we had few conversations i told him we need to see each other at the end of the week. we agreed and then he texted me he cant because he couldnt see me hurting he told me it hurts. he loves me and it hurts. he then finished it over the phone. i didnt beg him i just asked him is this really what you wanted? you dont want to talk it over? not another try? and then he said it was over. and i was okay and then ended the convo and texted him im forgiving him and be happy. then, i was devastated. i blocked him on fb. and didnt contacted him since then. but after 2 weeks of meditating and moving on, i unblocked him i mean what’s the use of blocking him? we werent even friends and our fb were both private. so we cant stalk each other really. then on the third week i just wanna try to see if he was doing okay so i tried to search his fb and i figured he blocked me. wow! im not looking to really get back together i just want to know the reason behind why he has blocked me? i dont know if he blocked me on his phone cause i never contacted him ever since.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 21, 2016 at 9:03 am
Hi Trish,
maybe for the same reason that you did..or because to help him not to gwt any notification from you if ever
Amy
April 18, 2016 at 11:52 pm
What do I do if we live together and broke up via phone while he is away? I’m going to ask him to move out because it’s my brother’s, but how do I do the no contact thing? Do I do it after he moves out? I can stay at a relative’s house but please get back to me ASAP. He should be home tomorrow or the morning after tomorrow. I also promised I would still be his friend and care about him if we ever broke up and now we did (2nd time) first time I took him back to easily but this time is different.
Please help!!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 21, 2016 at 8:10 am
Hi Amy,
if any one of you can move out asap, you can start the count after that.. because if you can talk it out first, talk it out first
Lana lane
April 18, 2016 at 8:46 pm
Hey there. My bf and i of 5 1/2 years broke up a couple of weeks ago and the week before that he wanted some space and seemed indifferent towards me. We were in an ldr and I did all the things that is said not to after break up, crying, begging, being a gnat, etc. At first I had still talked to him lightly since he has said he cares for me as a friend. I have tried NC but I find myself breaking at the 3-4 day mark and have had to restart a few times now. I fear that if I try nc now and stick to it that it will not work and that I have ruined any chance of reconciliation and having him miss me. I keep myself busy and focus on myself but I keep finding myself breaking for losing hope. Are my chances completely ruined or is there another approach I should take?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 20, 2016 at 9:15 am
Hi Lana,
yeah nc does lose it’s effect if you do it repetitively..but you haven’t done a full nc and haven’t improved yourself and all..so, do it one last time..focus on you..set him aside and heal
MEA
April 18, 2016 at 6:28 pm
Dearest Mr. Chris and EBR Team.
First and foremost, I apologize for this email will be very very long and boring and perhaps the longest among all the messages you’d ever received. The reason is because I really want this very detailed as much as possible and to help me understand HIS REASON/S, what went wrong.
—————————————-
My man & I had been together for two blissful & colorful years and broke up with me after my birthday. We met each other’s families, even came with me in my country and met my family, and were planning to visit his side soon. We started building dreams and plans for the future, like getting settled and having our own family.
He told me he’s about to propose marriage to me on that day he broke up with me. I was left without words after that. I bombarded him with long messages begging to talk about what happened and what went wrong. I still didn’t know about the NC RULE when this happened. He said he’s felt that I am not yet ready for commitment and doesn’t want to marry him. He said he doesn’t have much patience to wait for me when to be ready since he’s not getting any younger. I am 26 and he’s 30. Keep telling that “He’s not good; He’s a “BAD GUY”, fucked, and messed person; I cannot be happy with him; He doesn’t deserve to be happy; He’s sending me away to protect me from him; That I will suffer from him; It will be better for me to leave him; He’s hopeless man; He found the right one-that’s “me”- but he just can’t come back to me because “THAT IS HIM”—and these words he’s telling me is what I was and am trying to figure out ’til now of what he means by this. He said he’s happy and contented with how our relationship was, and I was the only woman he’d think to have family with. I asked him why end our relationship when it’s starting to fall into place, like we’re already a step closer? He answered me that he thought he could change his self and finally he found someone to help him–(through me) yet he’s still a hopeless man. Yet until now in our conversation he’s always bringing the topic that I was running from a responsibility which is “Marriage”.
We only spoke personally twice, and the rest of the conversations are thru Messenger and WhatsApp only, and he’s just and still pushing me away, maybe because I kept bugging him to talk about us. At first he was still replying. Then I came to this idea to check google about articles on “What to do exactly after breakup-thing” and I realized I DID SO MANY WRONGS THAT MADE MY MAN PUSH ME MORE AWAY FROM HIM.
2 months after the breakup (while still in communication with him) he sent me a message and told me to “do one more, but slowly this time” and I gave him a chance. After a few days being romantic, he’s distant and cold again — and broke up with me…again. He said it’s not the same like before, that it’s going nowhere, and he lost respect for me. I was really shattered to pieces!
Romantically we’re not together at this moment, but we’ve had made love/sex twice already. I admit, I loved it yes, and sure he does. He’s telling me the words he used to tell me back then. We both feel the same old feelings before. We know that our Love for each other is still present. But there’s no commitment, no relationship status, nothing. And I don’t/didn’t like it… I mean, what is this: Ex with Benefits? A Friends with Benefits thing???! I sent him an email and told him I have accepted the breakup and we should give each other some space.
On the 3rd month though it was awkward, I invited him for a coffee and a walk on the seaside. He was asking me for what’s the “catching up” all about and said we’ve been busy at work these past week. He was on willing state. It was actually the same-thing we did a year ago. I knew he remembered it, but I was avoiding any conversation that leads to our relationship because we might end up discussing things. We talked about our individual plans. He said he’s going back to his country. I am sad and hurt yes. I thanked and kissed him on his cheeks when we parted. And after that catch up I was on attempt to apply the NC.
Then I saw this tinder app (which I found out he also have) and I tried to join. After 7 Days of NC he sent me a message that he found me on ‘tinder’ and I broke the rule of NC because of the exchange of messages we had. I knew he was jealous knowing there will be “MEN” that are going to send me messages and will flirt with me, and yes there are men texting me on this app. For the first time I FELT THAT FEELING: I CHEATED ON MY MAN (even if we’re not together for 4 months already). On the other hand I have to keep it going to make him feel jealous and realized and wants to get back to me. After that I finally decided to DO THE NC ONE LAST TIME WITHOUT BREAKING IT. And now I am on my 16th day.
Honestly I really don’t know what to text him after I will finish a month (or more) of NC. I keep myself occupied so I won’t think of him much often. I also work on improving myself, my physical look so whenever we bump on each other he’d say he’s lost HIS “THE ONE,” these kind of changes…
We are still friends on FB and on tinder. Happy to know he didn’t block me on any of his accounts nor phone. He still sees my posts on my social networks. And we even meet at work, casual Hi’s.
Please…
Help me understand MY MAN’S REASONS. There’s NO THIRD PARTY involved. I need some pieces of advices and enlightening words of what have gone wrong, what I could and should do, and the DON’Ts for the near future before he leaves to his country for good forever?
THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH, AND GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU! 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 7:16 pm
Hi Mea,
why does he say you’re not ready yet? Have you refused him or have u been fighting a lot? were you clingy?