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Lisa
May 24, 2016 at 2:02 am
I loved the article and was hoping for some clarification on some things…my ex and I have broken up but he’s com back THREE times since then each time saying how much of a mistake he made in letting me go, how much he loves me, etc etc etc…I’m very mad at him for the most recent attempt at getting back with me, but I’m more mad at myself. I gave it all up way too soon and way too easily, we slept together and now I haven’t heard back from him in over 48 hours. I’m not sure what’s going on here, but I’m not reaching out anymore and going back to not contacting him….do you think he will come back again? And if he does…what should I do? I do want him back….please tell me the best way to go about this. Also, if after 90 days of no contact I still want to talk to him, can I, at that point reach out to him? Thanks in advance!!!!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 27, 2016 at 3:35 am
Hi Lisa,
it’s ok to reach out but don’t come from a point that you’re like trying to get back right ahead. Think of it as a restart, like being friends again.
Angie
May 23, 2016 at 10:05 pm
Hello,
My ex-boyfriend and I broke up over a misunderstanding. I thought he wanted to break up with me, so I returned two gifts he gave me. I had no intention of ending it but still returned them, assuming he’d want something back. He was my third and only one to want to spoil me and care for me as he did, so I sent him an email of how I felt. One month later of total confusion and chaos, I contact him after finally knowing what was going on. He claimed I broke up with him when I returned the stuff. After a dramatic experience in which I decided to apologize for, I suggested we be friends in another email. He replied with, “This was an extremely unhealthy relationship. We’re two completely different people, and frankly I’m surprised we lasted this long. But there was a constant amount of emotional stress put on you, by my inherently malicious actions, and on me by your choice to not communicate when I did them. You felt unwanted when it happened and I felt scared because I felt that every time it happened it would be the end. I’m not gonna get as into detail as you, because I’m not good with words, but I want you to know that I don’t hate you and I never hated you, and I hope we can still be friends. I don’t recommend it, because I’ll probably try some s**t knowing me, but I just need you to know that there was never any hate.” I agreed on the reason for our breakup and asked to call him later. Even so, it was cold for him to say we were two different people when we have many things in common, apart from the way we cope with stressful situations between us of course. I called him and it was good to finally have an easy conversation and a few laughs, and mainly, to hear his voice once again (without mentioning the breakup) and before ending the call, he told me he missed me. I was so glad to hear he felt the same way I did. But I want to know what to do from here. Our message conversations have been a little awkward lately, and I find it’s because he’s being true to his word to try to keep us as friends. Maybe I shouldn’t have suggested that and said something else because I want try and go further now that we are on better terms.
Angie
May 31, 2016 at 6:16 pm
I did NC for 31 days. During that time I have been doing what I have been doing in my usual life. I changed my hairstyle and profile picture. I think he will see a slight change in how I now carry myself. I’ve tried to see if I could call him again, but I just don’t know how to bring it up. I know the best time is around 8, so I’m trying to get an understanding on how to go about asking him for a call…
Angie
May 28, 2016 at 10:42 pm
No Contact is already done.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 31, 2016 at 6:58 am
If so, you should continue building rapport through messages that would help you proceed to calls. How long did you do nc and did you continue to do the activities that improves you? Do you think he will think you have changed with what he’s seeing now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 27, 2016 at 3:09 am
HI Angie,
you haven’t tried doing no contact right?
Katrina
May 23, 2016 at 6:58 pm
here is a question. how can you make him miss you when you have no social media? it’s not like I can add Facebook and add him (since he rarely uses it) so I can show him how much fun I have with out him around.
my ex isn’t the type to get jealous. in fact he’s the type where he won’t chase after you at all. while he did break it off with me, I’m worried that he’s that small percentage of guy that the strategy won’t work.
is there any way to beef this up?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 8:40 pm
Hi Katrina,
do you have mutual friends that use social media?
Marie
May 23, 2016 at 2:02 pm
Hi, my ex and I were together for a year and a half. We just broke up a couple weeks ago and since then he has texted me and we were being polite and saying to stay as friends. I tried to stay out of contact but I ended up texting him numerous tInes asking for closure and questions aboUT his life and apologized trying to explain myself. We are both two very different people and we had been arguing and complaining about what we were doing wrong because of lack of effort, compromise an understanding each other.
Because of all the messages and not giving space right away he now has blocked all communication from me and I did the same. I also became pregnant but it turned out to be false and I told him. I have started the no contact rule now but I want him to miss me and us stay friends or eventually talk. Is it too late? Did I push him away to no extent. I miss all the positive things and want to eventually work things out. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 6:31 pm
Hi Marie,
if you appear to be moving on and you improve yourself during no contact, it will increase the chance of him missing you
Cap2015
May 22, 2016 at 4:17 pm
Hi. I’ve been dating a guy for the past 9 months. He recently got mad at me because of how I reacted to a joke he said. Because of it he told me he needed space. He ignored me for 3 days then he agreed to meet me and we talked and he said that we are still together and he gave me a hug and a kiss and told me he loved me back when I left. Then the very next day he ignored me for 3 more days then messaged me saying he is about to call me and never did and then ignored me for 3 more days until I called him and told him we are done. The very next day he texted me asking how my day was like nothing ever happened. The day after that he texted me first telling me good morning. On the 3rd day we spoke on the phone and he sounded cheerful. I apologized for over reacting on the joke and he said he wasn’t mad anymore. I asked him about us and he said nothing had ever changed in his eyes between us (meaning how he felt prior to the joke) and he said that we were still together. Then the very next 2 days he ignored me again. I told him that I don’t have time for the back and forth and being ignored and that he needs to step up or take a seat so I can find the man who will treat me right. I have told him countless of times since he started ignoring me after the joke that if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore to just tell me. He ignored it all. So that leaves me to Day 2 of the NCR. My question is, why would he say we are still together and say that his feelings hasn’t changed yet he still keeps ignoring me? Also, will the NCR work in this case? Help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 10:58 am
Hi Cap2015,
We can’t guarantee that it will. What’s up with him? He has this three day pattern.. Stay strong with no contact and start to improve yourself so that you will increase the chance of him appreciating you and aim to be the ungettable girl.
shika
May 22, 2016 at 2:58 am
I had this huge crush on a guy who is two and a half years younger to me. We had exchanged a few texts during some college fests but never spoke much. But whenever he used to pass by he would stare. Last month our mutual friend told him I like him. He came and asked me if I would be his GF (on 10th April). Though I did not expect it, I said a yes. We went out once with friends and spoke on call every day. He could not chat much because of network problem in his place. We only met during lunch hours in college. . He even told me he loves me within a few days. I was really confused if this relationship will work because in a month I would be moving, so I tried talking to him. He told me just because he cannot meet I should not think so. Twice I tried to initiate this conversation. But he told me we would spend time talking on call and discuss everything so we need not worry about him not chatting much and all when in long distance. I really liked him. We could not meet for a week because we both had relatives at our place. We never had any ugly fights. Suddenly he started behaving a little weird 6 days back. And two days back he messaged me saying he does not think this relationship will work. I deserve better and he thinks he will suffer when in long distance (because his previous 2 year relationship ended because of long distance misunderstandings). Just to behave mature and not too needy I took it easily. He told I want serious at all, but I told him I always made time for him etc. then he told we will remain friends. After an hour I asked him the reason again, he got a little pissed saying I should have asked the, why talk about it now etc. then he told he dint want the relationship and sorry if it hurt me. I did not reply to him since then. My classmate told him he deserves much better than me (he told his friends and one of them told me). Now he has not texted me since then either. Can you help me? I want him back. I don’t know why… but I do(the crush period was like more than 5 months, both sides though it’s just a one month relationship) .
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 9:39 am
Hi Shika,
I think both of you moved too fast to be together, and to early to be serious. There’s a chance but treat it like a restart and it’s going to be a long distance way of building rapport. It means you would have to build rapport first while you’re away through texts and calls, and more attraction once you get to the meet up stage. But you can only do 21 days of no contact since you’re relationship was short.
Heartbroken and confused
May 21, 2016 at 8:43 pm
Hi! I’ve posted on another article, but just to brief you, I dated my ex for 2 years and we broke up a week before graduation. I was never given a reason just that he didn’t think he loved me anymore. I think that his love is being clouted by the stress of graduation, moving to GA with random roommates, and him joining the army. We talked about doing long distance because both of us wanted to, but now I’m thinking he thinks he won’t be able to juggle a relationship and the army which is why he pulled out of trying long distance relationship and broke. Now that you’re caught up, I need advice on how to proceed. I made a bit of a fool of myself and am now starting no contact for 20 days. I’m going to post to my snapchat story where he can see it (and I can see if he’s looked) and I’ll try to post pictures to Facebook. My question though is in 20 days how do I start up the conversation. It coincides with his first week at basic training and was going to just ask how his first week was and keep things positive and light…. Am I ever supposed to have a conversation about why we broke up? Or do I just try to continue positive interactions and letting him know how well I’m doing until I ask to fly in to see him or maybe meet up at our alma mater? I guess I just don’t understand how to really get him back because eventually we need to talk and I want to know what went wrong. I don’t think he will ever bring that up. I am invested and ready for this to take a long time, but will I actually get him back? How can you get back together without talking about the past? I haven’t said anything mean, but he really said he didn’t see us working out. But he didn’t want to lose me from his life…
Heartbroken and confused
May 31, 2016 at 8:28 pm
Ok! Thanks. How long Should I wait before I ask to see him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 1, 2016 at 1:43 am
it depends on how much rapport has been built and you have to go through the calls stage first before asking to meet him. You’ll know it when you’re there. If you’ve build enough rapport and attraction, he might even be the one to ask for that.
Heartbroken and confused
May 26, 2016 at 10:18 pm
Hi! I did see that, but I had some more questions… If you have any answers these are more about the after no contact!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 30, 2016 at 3:15 am
oh sorry.. about the conversation.. you can’t open anything heavy because that will push away.. and if he doesn’t see or know that you’re ok or moving on, he might not be aa responsive because in his mind, he doesn’t want to get back with you.. you have to appear as if you’ve moved on and just being friendly and then rebuild rapport and attraction slowly
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 8:52 am
Hi,
I answered there. I’ll just copy paste my answer there ok?
May 19, 2016 (Edit)
it’s ok if he sees you’re snap chats during no contact, as long as it’s not for him.. it’s like posting in Facebook too.. that means you have to restart count of no contact.. It takes 66 days to make or break a habit.. so that means, it would take 66 days for him to stop thinking about you.
Adel
May 20, 2016 at 9:21 am
Help me to think, I had split with my ex for 5 months ago but we still keep in touch and in the meantime my ex already has new girlfriend. Recently my ex informed me that his love for me not wholeheartedly and same felt with his new girlfriend too, his feeling love is not wholeheartedly. He felt responsible for both of us. If I do not contact him he will miss me. My ex said difficult for him to explain, but until now he still love me. He is also difficult to take the decision to marry his new girlfriend because he still thought about me. Is this love? or suffering for me? Did man love two women at the same time?
Adel
May 23, 2016 at 3:55 am
Hai Jen,
FYI, The new harpy GF and me are friend, She is my ex colleagues. She also knows about my relationship with my ex. In December 2015 was the date of my separation with my ex and during that time my ex with unstable emotional too hasty make new relationship with the harpy GF. Within a week of their intertwined relationship, they met their families to talk about marriage. Their age, respectively 35 and 34 years. my ex told that he expected that he can forget me forever and start a new life with the harpy GF. But until now he still has the same passion and love me. He told that both their family had already met each other and now he does not make the decision to marry the harpy because worry about me, ‘What should I do now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 12:33 pm
start with no contact and be active in improving yourself so that he will miss you more.. and for you to be more emotionally stable too..
Jennifer Seiter
May 21, 2016 at 2:18 am
Hi Adel, I think his dilemma is that he currently has attention from both of you. Does she know about you? How serious is he about marrying her? How old are they?
Rosey
May 17, 2016 at 10:18 pm
He told me he wanted space out of no where, I thought we were fine. He wanted to look for a 2br place for us to move into together, we booked a week away in the summer, made all these plans to travel and dates…and even plans for dinner the next night then he pulled the plug. He said he has been having a hard time feeling motivated in the mornings, but his past week away for work has made him feel the most “alive” than he has felt in a long while, he’s even thinking of moving away. He’s had a lot to deal with at work and with his family (cancer, Alzheimer’s..), so I get he’s super stressed. I understand he’s an introvert who likes to process things on his own so when he said all of this, I told him he should take the time he needs (tho I couldn’t stop the tears from coming down), I asked if there was someone else or if this was just his “guy” way to break up with me then he might as well do it now, no point to drag it out he said no it’s not about that, that he just needs space, it’s not fair to move in together if he doesn’t know what he wants. Said he doesn’t know how long he needs but doesn’t expect me to wait – but if he loses me then it will be his own regret to work through. He said he loves me, and kept trying to hug me and kiss my forehead…I asked if I should cancel the hotel reservation for summer and he said it’s quite a while from now and to hold off on cancelling. I asked if I just wasn’t what he was looking for and he said he thinks we’re what each other is looking for and that he enjoys spending time with me. All I could muster in response was I feel sad, he said he felt sad too and just hugged me and I cried…I said I guess we’re broken up huh? He said for the time being…it was super late and we spend the night and slept together (I didn’t quite understand why we had sex but it was sweet and loving — tho sex was never an issue with us). In the morning we hugged and I told him I hope he finds what he’s looking for and I gave him back his key, and I said we can check in in a few weeks and left. I haven’t made any contact with him for the last 8 days, making me realize we spent the majority of our free time together and I’m learning to not be lonely when I’m alone – so I’m taking a fitness class (lost 5lbs already). I know he’s checked out my Instagram (he doesn’t use fb) and liked a photo I had posted of myself at this charity event I’ve worked hard in promoting and helping. We didn’t say no contact – he said we can still text and stuff but if the introverted man says he needs space I’m giving it to him – I love him dearly and it hurts like hell but I also have enough self respect to not cling on when I’m not wanted. I’m going to wait out the NC 21 days, as I have dental surgery by 30 days and would be in no condition to think clearly…or perhaps I should wait until after? I have a lot of stuff at his place still…I’m still trying to wrap my head around things…definitely feeling al the stages of grief…
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 1:54 pm
Hi Rosey,
that’s good..it’s better if you start texting after you feel better after the surgery
Aditi
May 17, 2016 at 7:45 am
Hi, I’m Aditi.
I’m 19 yrs old and my ex is 21. We dated for about 5 months, and the relationship was going really well. It was more like a honeymoon phase, but at the sametime we kept having disagreements and fights over silly things because we are too different as people and do not share the same level of understanding. Everytime we had those fights we decided to not let them overshadow our relationship cause what we had was much more of worth than our fights. Till now we’ve broken up twice, the first breakup lasted a day. We got back together the first time because I told my friend to talk to him and explain why it’s not the right decision to make. After that he apologized to me for everything he did and things went back to the honeymoon phase again. But yesterday we fought over a silly thing and it grew and leaded to a break up. (Initiated by him, again)
In this case, should I try getting back? I wanted to ask the same friend to talk to him but in an indirect way as so he wouldn’t know I asked her to talk to him. I just want to make him realize I feel the step we have taken is a rash decision, and things can be made better only if we give it another chance. Should I wait for sometime or not get back to him at all?
Jennifer Seiter
May 21, 2016 at 2:07 am
Hey Aditi, It’s up to you if you want him back but I think you have a good shot at getting back with him. Have you taken the chances quiz yet?
Don’t ask your friends to talk to him. I think you should do a 21 day no contact. It doesn’t sound like your break up was for any serious reasons. During no contact work on yourself and do exciting things. Start a new hobby etc. You will become more attractive to him if your independent. Also Make sure you read Chris’ post on texting your ex after no contact. https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/using-text-messages-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/
Vanessa
May 16, 2016 at 10:23 am
Hi, can you help me? I am in a relationship for 9 months now, and been engaged for 5 months now. Our marriage is scheduled on August 2016. Us, as normal couple, always had small fights and misunderstandings, but after we talk, everything is back to normal, but this past few months, everything went wrong, i don’t know. We fight almost every week, then last Friday, he broke up with me. I cried so much, beg for him to stay, that i will do anything to work this out, that i don’ t want to end our relationship. Even my parents beg for him because i was suffering too much. I really do love him. I want to take your advice about 30-day no contact rule but how? We are in a same company. He blocked me on Facebook. He doesn’t texted me. Then last Saturday, we talked, I told him, i beg for him to stay so he dis, but he says, i stay but this is not because i love you. This is just because i want you to be okay. What can I do? Do i need to wait for him? I really do love him. Can you help me to win his back?
Vanessa
May 16, 2016 at 10:28 am
One more thing that confusing me, these past few days, after the break up, even if we reconcile, he always saying that he doesn’t love even in my parents. These are the words he’s saying. I don’t want to believe it because, we are happy, all was set. i really don’t know what to do. I know he loves me but every time he’s telling me that he doesn’t love me anymore. It hurts too much.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 19, 2016 at 9:36 am
HI Vanessa,
it would be limited no contact.. You only talk if it’s really necessary.. Don’t initiate a small talk with him, don’t greet him, don’t talk about feeling and relationships and be distant as much as possible.. reply politely direct if he initiates, excuse yourself after that if you can.. And be with your other work mates as much as possible.. Start to do new activities for yourself like going to the gym. Improve your physical, emotional and social life. Just be productive for yourself
Confused
May 16, 2016 at 12:01 am
Alright, last time. I talked to him in a positive way about how I thought something I was doing was bothering him due to how he interacted with me. He said it wasn’t me. Hes jealous of me sure, but not pissed. Also, more things in his life that he has going on. Fair enough. He brought up one point and I responded to it saying “I appreciate you opening up but if that was the reason how come you fought me coming to visit?” He responded “Why don’t I want you to come around? Because it would be like being a kid again and getting a cookie, eating said cookie and being happy. Then I would eat all the cookies in the jar and be sad. I don’t want to be sad. I’m already mad at the world, i don’t want to be sad too.” After that we talked in normal conversation, because I knew no relationship is there if he doesn’t want me to visit. So I accepted to go on a movie date with a guy friend of mine. That night I also found out I was in the “friendszone” with him and that my friend told him I must of known because I was going on a date on Wed. *sigh*… this is where it gets complex and confusing. He hopped on our vocal server us friends use to talk online with and at the end said “Hope you have FUN on your date on WED” in like a “I caught you tone”. Now I was incredibly distracted at the time and caught massively offguard and said in a light tone “I was keeping it a secret incase it didnt go well haha” what I meant by that is it was a friend I hadnt see in FOREVER and it could be horribly awkward. Then he said “Just don’t keep me in the dark, that’s all I ask”. He had worked all night and told him that Im not keeping you in the dark and Im sorry if you felt that way but I wasnt going to randomly interupt him at work just to tell him I had a date on Wed (because that would have been like I was trying to rub it in his face)
He sent me a message the next day saying “It’s fine. You’re a grown up and can do what you want. I’m not upset by this. :)” the problem is…. now he isn’t messaging me or communicating with me outside of his live stream or when we are in a group. He seems hurt and betrayed but had clearly stated in previous conversations that he doesn’t have time or the want for a relationship right now… Now it’s only been a day since this conversation.. I’m guessing he needs more time? I want to send him a direct text message saying “I understand you are dealing with so much right now and the best thing is for me to stand back and just be a best friend, I still very much want to be someone you can be open with. I care greatly about you but I realize that you are not able to take on anything else until your life settles down. Know that I want you to stay open with me because I’m incredibly grateful when you do.” Just wondering why he is acting like this.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 19, 2016 at 8:32 am
hmm, I think you moved too fast when you talked about feelings.. Right now, it has to be a restart again.. if you really want it to be like that, you have to be consistent in no contact.. and consistent in having your own life. since he said himself that he doesn’t want you to come around..
Melta
May 15, 2016 at 6:00 pm
I broke up wid my bf of 2 years since I discovered that he had lied to me about something really big n about pur future. It’s been a month n I have not contacted him since. He tried reaching out to me for a couple of weeks after our break up thro texts n calls. He profusely apologised in the texts. Calls I did not receive. It’s been 2 weeks since his last contact. Has he moved on ?though our relationship was intense, he is not a very deep person. Would he have moved on ? It’s a month since no contact from my end, Wat cn I do next.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 19, 2016 at 7:36 am
Hi Melta,
even if it’s been a month that you didn’t contact him, you still have to start the count from now because you didn’t start improving yourself during the first month.. So try to do just 21 days this time.. but focus on massive improvement and be active in posting social media, to increase the chance of him missing you and wanting you back.
Anfal
May 14, 2016 at 7:43 pm
Hi,
I really need your advice on my relationship. We’ve been together for a year but we’re both studying abroad in two diff countries (I’m 28 and doing an MA not a teenager thou). So it was mostly a long distance relation, but he visits me almost every one or two months. The relationship has been on and off several times. Before several months we broke up because something was off, he started fading out and when we talked about it he said that he wasn’t sure if he REALLY loves me, and that he doesn’t know what to do.. after long talks he just said that he thinks it’s better if we went separate ways, I agreed and we broke up. He stayed in touch and after two weeks he visited me. We had a GREAT time so after a while he called me and gave me a speech about how much he was happy with me and that he’s now sure that he loves me, so we got back together. After that life was perfect… Until last month.
Something happened and it’s like we can’t stand each other anymore, we fought over silly things.. so I snapped and told him that I want a break. I said “Do not contact me until you know what you want from this relation.” He agreed and told me to give him a month to think.. I never contacted him since. However, before the month ended he texted me asking if he can come and visit me so we can talk, I refused. He kept texting me and saying that he’s missing me and that he doesn’t wanna break up. I haven’t replayed but I told him to stop texting me until the month passes because I need to clear my mind as well. We decided that we will talk at the end of the course, because we both will be back to our home country.
I love him and I know that he’s the one, he does too, BUT… I don’t think that he really appreciates our relationship. It sometimes feel like he’s having me for granted.. no heat.. no long conversations like it was before.. no flirting.. he gets angry and annoyed over childish things (he was’t like this before).. the relationship got boring.
I am seriously thinking that I should break up with him when we meet. But only to make him appreciate what he have. I want your advice on this cause I’m still hesitating wither I should go for it or just accept the few words he said about missing me and continue with the relationship to see where things goes..
Thanks in advance,
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 8:25 am
Hi Anfal,
talk about it calmly first..tell him your sentiments..maybe he’d be willing to work in it
Venus
May 14, 2016 at 1:37 am
2 weeks ago I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years had a gf of 4 years. As dumb as it may sound, I still love him and want to fix things between us. I broke up with him and to make matters worse I have tried to be his friend during this time but couldn’t do it since he continued to lie about seeing her. So now I’m on day 6 of no contact and wondering if the no contact rule will even end up working in my favor. Truthfully I can overlook him doing this because I was still married when I met him. But how do I get him to choose me as sad it sounds.
More about this story -When I first him I was married , but separated living with my husband and son. He knew I was married. I was honest about everything and always felt that he wasn’t open enough so I tried my best to not intertwine our lives since I had my son and didn’t want to do that until I was sure. In a way I feel like I understand because I was in this situation when we met , I wasn’t sure then what I was going to with my marriage when I met him my divorce has only been final since of Feb even though I moved out may 2015. It sucks that He didn’t tell me when we first met . I ended up finding out the truth from someone that knew them that I had in one of my classes. He didn’t tell the other gf either , I was the one to break it to her. The car he was driving the whole time was hers. I think he was using her since is supporting him in a sense.Even though she knows now, It seems as though she has accepted it since he is still using her car. Do I need to move on ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 6:54 am
Hi Venus,
yes move on.. your marriage doesn’t even compare to him cheating.. you’re not cheating.. choose your standards and your princinple so the right people will come in your life
Denisa
May 13, 2016 at 9:43 pm
Hi, it was 8 months we were together with my ex. I would say it was perfect, but in the end I was so busy. He went on trip to England with like 20 other girls ( it was from school, it was too late for me to get there). Everything was OK before he left and even the first day he was texting about long journey and how much he is missing me.. And then suddenly he wrote he a text that he is breaking up with me, because he doesnt love me anymore. I went crazy with texting for 2 days and then I stopped everything. He said he wants us to be friends and have fun and so.. Well, I am not sure if he is dating or just going out with one girl, but I was said she REALLY wants him, he said she beautiful and all this cute stuff.. So I am in no contact period, well problem is that we are in the same class, so he sees me everyday, but I do everything to not contact, really.. My best friend talks to him and always when it comes to me he is like: I dont wanna talk about it. No anger, just nothing to do with me. We didnt break up because of cheating so theres no need to be angry ( I guess so, still not sure what happend in England, but he definitely wont tell me now.. ) I dont understand how we can come back to a relathioship. I was his first girlfriend actually. I dont have problems with looking sad or being angry in front of him, I controll well and event have temper to wait. But I would like to know if this could be fixed. Thank you 🙂
Denisa
May 21, 2016 at 1:16 pm
* he said that he doesnt want those girls, but he needs to talk to someone so therefore he is with them all the time. On monday we are going out together.. because we have the same best friend and she doesnt want to choose so we go all together. I cant say no, because I would put her in a bad situation, nut also I want to stay in NC. I dont have prollem with ignoring but sometimes he asks me about school and I just cant go away., it needs some reply. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 8:42 pm
It’s ok to reply polite if he initiates since you’re in school together but reply directly only. Don’t be engaging for a conversation.
Denisa
May 19, 2016 at 4:57 pm
Im in NC, Im doing pretty good, especially I feel better when I ignore him completely. But a day ago my friend talked to him and he said that Im crazy, and he wants to talk to me. I read the website and also know that exes attitude could be like this, but he is going out with 4-5 girls ( we are not sure) and he can live on without me and he seems really annoyed and a bit angry. I told my friend that if he ever talks about me like that she should tell him that probably it is easier for me to do it that was ( just to calm him down a little). Everyone advices me to start talking to him because it could be too late after NC, feeling really confused. :/ BUt staying in NC. Any idea?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 8:42 pm
It’s ok to reply polite if he initiates since you’re in school together but reply directly only. Don’t be engaging for a conversation.
Denisa
May 15, 2016 at 10:10 am
One more thing, first days after the breakup he was texting me about school, simple things about tests and so, at the beginning I was replying but then I sent him a message that if he needs something, he should contact his friends, not me and then my friend pushed me to sent him a text that I feel like the breakup was the right idea, we both need it and for me, it wasnt the same like before, thank you.. his reply was youre welcome and then he wrote that if Im going to behave the way I do ( no contact) I shouldnt text him ( Im not) .. but now I feel like he is completely closed for me. What do you think?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 18, 2016 at 6:21 pm
I think it’s an emotional reply.. let him cool off, he’ll realize what you say is right over time.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 6:24 am
Hi Denisa,
good job om controlling your temper.. try to do new activities now or with other classmates more and spend time with them..have a makeover and focus on positive things
glenneth
May 11, 2016 at 9:05 pm
hi, i am glenn. thanks for this awesome article. its helping me a lot. i recently stopped communicating with my boyfriend. we have been on for 8 months now. initially, it was a smooth sailing relationship. then after a while, i am starting to feel disappointed in him. he became too lazy for our dates and even the frequency of his messages which was constant before became less. i started to complain and tell him to at least make an effort for us. he would usually concede to me, but that would only be for days. then he will start to make me feel taken for granted again by not replying on time on my messages and not even asking me for a date after a month or two of not being together. he would simply reason out, that is the way he is, and that i should accept that he is the kind of a guy who is not into “cheesy things” that lovers usually do. i feel bad about it. then just 3 days ago, i confronted him about this. i asked for an answer why he is telling he loves me but cannot even take effort in making me feel that. why i rarely receives a call from him, why his replies are always late, why he is not asking me to meet him after two months of not being able to be together? his answer was, he is tired from work, and that if i am not liking how he is anymore, i decide what i want to do with the relationship. he told, he doesn’t know what is happening to him now and that, he doesn’t want to fight with me on that moment so i should decide by my self. out of impatience, i replied “okay, be it. be in peace. i will not disturb you. goodnight.” that was my last message to him. then the next morning he was saying sorry. i did not reply. for three days now he keeps messaging, telling he will wait when i will talk to him again. i am holding back of my feelings and trying my best not to give a reply. until now i have not given any reply but i am not so sure until when i can resist the urge to do so. until when should i keep this no contact policy to be effective? i love him so much. but he is not doing any effort for us. he always disappoints me. all i want is that, he should at least do his part. why i am always the one who works for our relationship? can you give me hints on how to do this properly? i would appreciate an answer from you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 2:16 am
Hi Glenneth,
I hope you’re still in no contact.. If you are start to do new things now and improve yourself and be active in posting it social media.. if he texts that he literally says he wants to work things out and make it up to you, you can break no contact.. but if he’s just saying sorry and not really saying he’s going to change.. don’t reply.. Try to do 30 days..
Mary
May 11, 2016 at 2:41 pm
Hi all,
My ex broke up with me unexpectedly about two weeks ago. This Friday will be two weeks and one week of no contact. I wrote a letter explaining the things I feel I did wrong and how I am implementing changes to fix these things within myself. He hasn’t contacted me at all first since the break up. Not even to get his things and give me mine. Also, when we talked after the break up via Skype he cried and said “please don’t try to give me my promise ring back.” What does this mean? Is he dragging his feet for some reason?
Should I send the letter (he knows I wrote one) or should I wait it out with NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 2:04 am
HI Mary,
Don’t ever send the letter.. it’s better if you just focus on improving yourself during nc.. actions speak louder than words plus you won’t look like you’re chasing him
Bumy
May 11, 2016 at 8:41 am
Hi!..ave been dating my ex for bout a year,and I really loved him and I think he did too but I think I did everything wrong.i spoilt him too much and he took me for granted,i literally did everything for him just to make him happy and most times he was but he didn’t do things a man in love with his girl will do,he neglects my feelings most of the times,he doesn’t respect me,flirts with other girls in my precense,doesnt pamper or spoil me or even treat me like his woman.so many times ave called his attention to it and hes begged and apologised and promise to change,for me to give him time and teach him what to do,thst he isn’t used to it.and for a while ave tried to do that but it’s not been working.so many times ave tried to leave,but he always begs for me to stay and he’ll be good but still no change.ave been getting really frustrated an it’s been resulting to alot of fights and tears and quarrels lately.i broke up a few times,did the no contact for bout 10days and he’ll come begging and I’ll just take him back and it’s back to the quarrels and fights.i think he’s tired cos lately ave been noticing him talking go girls and asking them out online and all.. anyways we stopped talking on my birthday which was April 13 after I complained bitterly how he dint make me feel like I was his woman or special at all in anyway..he didn’t respond to it,we dint breakup,we just dint speak anymore from that day..so i automatically started my NC from that day and he hasn’t tried to reach me till today which makes it 28days where I finally broke NC and texted him saying “I swear I almost thought it was you I ran into last night,he was wearing one of those kinda shorts u have that I used to love,i was almost shocked”..and he responded with lol.how r you and I said very fine.and he asked something random,i responded and asked him to have a good day.thats where d conversation ended.Now I don’t seem to know where I am or what to do or where to go from here .I thought of letting go of the relationship at some point and I was totally concentrating on work and even post pictures of me at work happy and me on a date with a guy but I kept missing him..what am I to do cos I really want him to love me as much I did him,to feel what I feel .
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 1:34 am
Hi Bumy,
start with the texting phase.. YOu had a good start.. Just keep in that this is a restart… You’re just trying to rebuild friendship and attraction for now.. and continue to do what you started during nc to improve yourself..
Julia L
May 11, 2016 at 1:37 am
Hello,
Well I was talking to a guy for almost 6 months. After about month two he recently told me (during the time he was cutting it off) that he was going to ask me out. He said he couldn’t phrase it though and that essentially made him feel like it wasn’t right. However I didn’t know any of this at the time and kept talking to him through month 6 until he just broke it off with me a couple days ago. It was the type of relationship that didn’t have a label but everyone just assumed we were in a relationship. His reasoning to cut it off was that he wasn’t ready. I asked if it was a commitment issue and he said no. He also said he didn’t have the same feelings as I did. He must have at some point though seeing as how he was going to ask me to be his gf. So now it’s been a few days and there’s been no contact. He hasn’t tried. I’ve posted things on my snapchat like going to baseball games and appearing happy. However he has still not tried to talk. Will he? And when is the point where we should contact them back? If he does I don’t want to keep ignoring him to the point where he gives up hope.
Confused,
Julia
Julia L
May 11, 2016 at 1:39 am
Also: it was a very good and happy relationship. We didn’t have many problems. He said he still likes me which just confused me even more.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 12:59 am
Hi Julia L,
it’s not just about making it seem you’re happy.. YOu have to be really happy.. YOu have to really try to heal and improve your life and set him aside for at least 21 days, if you need to extend that’s ok..