7 Definitive Steps On How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Miss You

5,888 thoughts on “How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup”

Lily- mae

April 18, 2016 at 5:23 pm

HI, my boyfriend and I were together for 2 and a half years and it became very off/on towards the end which lead to trust issues and therefore arguments. So he was the person to break it ‘off’ and I didn’t want that so stupidly did the begging etc when i know i should’ve just left it. Throughout our relationship we have always been amazing together rarely had any arguments until the off/on stage. We have met up since this ‘off’ period as we said that we needed to talk etc, and he said to me that he still loves me but wants to get the connection back as we don’t feel it as much anymore. He said then we should try again and see how things go, however i knew that it would not work out if we were to try again now because there is still the memory of the recent arguments. Therefore we have decided to take a complete break from eachother and meet up on the 12th May ( a month from when we started it) and see how we both feel then and see if we can start fresh. He has also said to me that I am the one who he has always wanted to be with for the future but just needs space right now and that before when we didn’t speak he began to miss every little thing about me. We have both agreed to act as if we were single in this month, but will talking to other girls/meeting up with them be a distraction from me and him because surely he will not have much of a chance to think about things? It is day 4 of no contact, and he liked my instagram picture i put up yesterday. I also had a scan to see whether i had a cyst or hernia and i am awaiting the results and in our last phonecall before no contact he said to let him know how it goes because he was worried, should i break the no contact to tell him this or just not bother and leave him to think? Do you think this break is the best way for us to get the connection back and win him back altogether? I can’t stop thinking about whats going to happen in a months time and whether he misses me etc or wants to be with me! All i want is for us to forget about the arguments and start fresh and he said that is what he wants too because he said he does want to be with me but he needs some space and we ended our last phone call saying love you etc. In this time I’m going to the gym, i’ve got some nights out with my friends planned and I am getting ahead with work. Do you think i have a good chance of winning him back after this no contact period? because this will be the longest we have ever gone without talking or will him talking to other people just distract him from this 🙁 please help!

Lily- mae

April 18, 2016 at 10:34 pm

So do you think the best thing for me to do is avoid him for the 30 days but still post actively so he knows what i am doing?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 21, 2016 at 7:32 am

yep exactly! 🙂
Lily- mae

April 18, 2016 at 5:27 pm

Also do you think a month apart will give him enough time to become ‘bored’ of being single? meaning getting over the intial excitement etc
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 18, 2016 at 7:29 pm

Hi Lily mae,

just text him directly what the result is but don’t have a small talk.. it depends more in how you did nc for him to miss you…so be very proactive with your activities and active in posting them so he will see them

Leila

April 17, 2016 at 11:34 pm

I’m really confused about my ex. He ended things because he had some serious personal issues to sort out, but we ended on good terms and agreed to be friends. We decided to get together two weeks ago, but I had to cancel because of a work meeting. I suggested getting together Wednesday or Friday instead and he said he’d let me know and two weeks later I still haven’t heard anything from him. I changed my profile picture on Facebook to one of me rock climbing in an effort to have a “fun picture” as suggested, but he didn’t even like the photo. In the meantime, I’m doing no contact, but haven’t heard from him.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 18, 2016 at 2:03 pm

Hi Leila,

what’s more important is you focus on yourself during nc..so, it’s good that you’re active. Just keep it up

Sara Alsaraf

April 15, 2016 at 9:52 pm

Omg omg I need help!! It’s day 2 and he just unblocked me from watsapp and instagram and texted me on Instagram messages “flirting” – ps: he’s blocked from my side on watsapp….what should I do??? Shall I break the no contact rule???? What should I do?? This is an LDR! To be honest, it’s kinda satisfying to be back on the wheel X’D (evil laugh)

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 17, 2016 at 2:45 pm

nope you shouldn’t.. did you?

Marissa

April 15, 2016 at 10:41 am

Here’s my situation: My ex and I had a big fight april 1st and ignored each other for two weeks (we lived together) He finally told me he doesn’t see it working out because we are 2 different people and he wanted time to be by himself. So I moved out and next day found out he had been snapchatting another girl for a month as friends, and as an interest as soon as we were broken up. I confronted him, I was a text gnat, I begged. Two days later a mother figure tells me he said he thinks it would be a mistake for it to end like this and he just needs space/time, but he’s going out of town for a few days with this girl. We were together for three years, and he had told me a couple times these past months how much he liked it when people appreciated him, I didn’t express it enough, etc. Right before I moved out he was acting as though he was still interested in me. I messed it up by being angry since I felt like he was messing with me. He told a guy friend essentially if the grass wasn’t greener he’d want to get back with me (basically turned me into his back up plan). Historically he has always needed a girl and not been alone more than a month at a time so I’m not terribly surprised he’s fooling around with her) You think if I do no contact this will lead to possibly getting back together? I’m confused if he says he wants to find himself but has a new girl – who he claims he is NOT dating, and has posted nothing public about. I just want an opinion on the topic. He’s the type that has a big flashy temper then regrets it a few days later. If he’s saying to other people he wants to be civil I hope thays a good thing and not apathy meaning he doesn’t care? Please help!

Marissa

April 15, 2016 at 10:45 am

I should say I am on day two of no contact. I am being social and going to the gym. I planned a four day trip out of state to a friend’s house next week. I’m trying to implement your rules but I wanted to know if, based on what he said, it means he does actually still care?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 18, 2016 at 3:19 am

Hi Marissa,

it depends, did your mother figure asked him and he just answered to save his face? But for me, it’s still good news even if he just said that to save himself.. at least he’s open to ending things civil with you.. I think there’s a chance, especially that you’re 3 years together.. but the timing right now is not right because if they’re going out, then they would be having fun… But if he sees you’re happy, and sees you’re improvement.. then there’s a chance he will miss you.

Sara Alsaraf

April 14, 2016 at 9:31 pm

Heyy Amory,

Yes I’ve always been a little extreme lol, but no guy should ever run away with his BS! I mean he was too much of a p***y that he even did it through a text, like hello! Have some B***s to confront a woman u shared a life with at least through a call! I’m sorry he deserves a life lessons.
Now on that looking my absolute “Bae” kinda thing, how is he gonna see that if I’m blocked from everywhere (mutual block)?! Btw, I already started on the no contact rule, 1 down 29 to go haha. To be honest, I’m still not buying that break up thing XD omg, am I going crazy??!
MoMo

April 14, 2016 at 3:28 am

My boyfriend and I had been together for about 7 months, and lived together for 2. During that time, things were going great. He was my first love. He told me he had never been this happy in a relationship before. Literally everything was perfect. There was nothing that either of us could complain about, and we were very real with eachother so if something was up, he would have told me.
Anyways, a few weeks ago he broke up with me because he couldn’t see us having a future together. When I asked him why he simply said “I just don’t want to marry you.” We’re both in college, but he’s 6 years older, but I’m really mature for my age so the age difference was never uncomfortable for either of us. I’ve limited contact with him, and after about a week I asked him how he was doing and he told me he was doing great and didn’t regret his decision. I guess, what I’m asking, is what the hell could he be thinking? He never gave me a legitimate reason for breaking it off. I’m still in love with him, and it’s killing me. I’ve been trying to move on but I just can’t stop thinking about how happy we were together, and what I could have done to make myself undesirable to him

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 14, 2016 at 12:17 pm

Hi Momo,

honestly, it’s hard to say with limited information.. does he seem like he’s seeing another girl? did the relationship got boring?

Bella

April 14, 2016 at 2:15 am

why does my comment wont post 🙁 i badly need your help please!!!!!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 14, 2016 at 9:03 am

Hi Kat, sorey for the late rep.. If you really want him to chase you, you have to stop chasing him and start to be the ungettable girl..That means you have to have your own life, be passionate in your activities, kind but strong.. if a man sees you’re valuable and then he knows you’re not going to chase, and you don’t allow others to disrespect you, then that’s when a guy would chase

Kat

April 14, 2016 at 2:13 am

please help me :'( i broke up with him because he wen to his ex graduation day and he did not tell me about it he did it to me twice seeing same ex. my last text to him was (Ok. Go to her. Haha) and he also asked me if i love him i said no out of my anger. Then when i sent my last text “Ok go to her Hhaha” all he said was “sorry.” he did not do anything and after 2-3 days he told my male friend to make me happy and that he and his ex were back together and that he can’t stop thinking about her ex throughout our 2 year relationship. I’m so sad so the next day i heard the news i called him. I was very calm and i asked him if he was already happy and he said yes and then i asked questions like since when did this happen why didn’t he break up with me before if he still loves his ex and then he answered blah blah is all i heard because i was so broken and i said ” Okay i understand i hope that she’s the right one for you because if not i will regret for it” and then i changed the topic about i still want him to go to our outing on May we broke up 1st week of April and he said “We’ll see” and i said let me know cause if he didnt come our paid booking will be wasted. That’s our last conve. I already blocked him and did the posting of picture (the professional one) im not sure if i was beautiful there. what to do next? i want him back i want him to beg for me please help me please 🙁 should i also block his family on facebook??

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 14, 2016 at 9:03 am

Hi Kat, sorey for the late rep.. If you really want him to chase you, you have to stop chasing him and start to be the ungettable girl..That means you have to have your own life, be passionate in your activities, kind but strong.. if a man sees you’re valuable and then he knows you’re not going to chase, and you don’t allow others to disrespect you, then that’s when a guy would chase
Kat

April 14, 2016 at 2:20 am

what if his ex was one step ahead of me using this techniques??
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 14, 2016 at 9:03 am

Hi Kat, sorey for the late rep.. If you really want him to chase you, you have to stop chasing him and start to be the ungettable girl..That means you have to have your own life, be passionate in your activities, kind but strong.. if a man sees you’re valuable and then he knows you’re not going to chase, and you don’t allow others to disrespect you, then that’s when a guy would chase

Alex

April 13, 2016 at 11:14 pm

My ex and I dated for almost a year and a half and broke up about a month ago. We fought a lot over me being jealous and controlling, and over him lying to me over little things. Eventually the lies became bigger and I found out he was doing drugs and that he slept at a girl coworker’s house who I did not like very much. He claims that he slept on the couch with a few other guys and that she was not near them, however, he broke up with me the following day because he “didn’t want to keep making me sad.” During our relationship, he bought me a promise ring and constantly talked about our future together. After the breakup, he said to keep the promise ring and that I was his motivation to become better and quit drugs and that I just needed to give him space. Of course I did not give him any, and went a bit crazy. He has horrible health and I thought that the drugs would kill him so I worried all of the time. Eventually he told me to cut him off and hook up with other guys, and upon him saying that I got angry and did. When he found out from one of his friends, he messaged me saying he could not believe I actually hooked up with someone else. During our relationship, all of my friends and random people would say that they hoped a guy would love them the way that he loved me. We did a lot for each other, but our fights towards the end became exhausting. I think we both needed to grow a lot and I feel like I have become much more confident since our relationship. When we texted two nights ago, he told me that he no longer saw a future with me and deleted all of our pictures together on social media. The next day, I returned cards he has written me and clothes of his in a bag on his front porch, but kept the promise ring, and texted him a sort of goodbye message. No response, though. I feel as though he’s avoiding the situation because we had set up a date to meet up a week ago to talk about things and he never came or texted me. I feel like he is also avoiding feeling guilty himself so he has blamed a lot of stuff on me. He has maintained no contact besides here and there since the break up, I am just unsure if there is any hope of getting him back. I deserve better, and I would only want him back if he has stopped the drugs and completely apologizes about the way he treated me after our break up. But I miss him a lot and we had a very strong love for one another, we spent almost every day together. I just don’t understand how a person goes from telling you that you are the most important person in their life to no longer talking.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 14, 2016 at 11:01 am

Hi Alex

That’s right.. if ever you’re going back together, it’s better if both of you take time first to heal and change

Sara Alsaraf

April 13, 2016 at 10:21 pm

Hey,
First of all allow me to tell you that I’m quite impressed with your strategy “theoretically” I would say, however implementation is the absolute suffer.

I was in a very serious relationship with this guy for almost 3 years where it reached to a marriage proposal and things immediately started going down since then; we didn’t get married. A year later (this year) he gets a work promotion and shifting to a foreign office leaving us with a messy LDR. Me at the time being, let’s say that this hasn’t been my year, I lost a dear family member, my job too, and trying my best to be there for my mother who is under severe health problems. The fact that I had to deal with my man’s sudden disappearance from my life kept me very empty and depressed with no support. Today, he breaks up with me claiming that LDR is horrible for him and he cant take it anymore, next he blocks me from everywhere on social media and watsapp. One word LOL. I mean I sacrificed many things for this man despite all the circumstances we’ve been through. We shared a house, and many amazing memories that I myself can’t see this all being taken for granted within a snap. I love him so much and I can’t get over destroying everything we built together. I’m not gonna lie to you. I’m very very upset right now and going through my madness phace where I’ve contacted a hacker to help me hack his social media accounts :)))… I’m in desperate need for emotional help and support, oh and my ex back :)) ( I can’t believe I’m calling him an ex..)

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 14, 2016 at 10:24 am

Hi Sara,

hahahaha you’re extreme.. To be honest you have to consoder time, money and a plan to be together for an ldr to work .. if you don’t have that..it’s hard to make it work.. but apart from that, improve your physical look, do new activities, post it but don’t caption it relating to him or the breakup..make him regret by being the best you

Kat

April 13, 2016 at 4:45 pm

Hi there, my name is Kat and I am in kind of a crappy situation. April 13th (today) was actually supposed to be me and my boyfriends one year anniversary. But, he decided to break up with me on Sunday April 10th. We were awesome together and had everything in common. We used to hang out every day and just be so in love. Last week I caught him watching porn, and he told me if wasn’t the first time he did it behind my back. I was obviously upset with this because I was almost dating him for a year and I just felt very hurt and not wanted because I wasn’t enough. I stormed out of his house that night and I walked home, him following me, apologizing and trying to say it didn’t mean anything. This was hurtful to me and I just wanted to take some time alone. As I opened the door to my house he said “Kat, I don’t know if I’m happy anymore” which made me instantly frezee and my heart drop. I love him a lot, but I was obviously just hurt. I stayed outside to talk with him, and we said we could make things better and not lie to each other. The next day I was still mad at him (obviously) but I sent him a text message saying that I wanted to start new, and wanted to focus on making us a better couple and not fighting about little things such as that. He agreed that we should start new and just focus on building up our relationship. But Saturday night, I was hanging out with my friends and he was hanging out with his. We were texting the whole time and nothing seemed wrong. Whenever we both got home we texted for a while and then we said goodnight, and it was like any other goodnight we had before, the typical “I love you more than anything, you’re my everything, forever and always, with lots of kiss emojis and what not. Then all of a sudden I received a Facebook message from my friend’s boyfriend (she told me he was out drinking with his friends that night, so he was drunk when he messaged me). He said “Hey whats up” and I was confused as to why he was messaging me. I immediately sent a screen shot to my boyfriend Adam to tell him that his guy has messaged me. And then Adam’s attitude took a 180 degree spin. He was acting weird, and defensive to this guy messaging me. I told him I just read it and ignored it. Adam and I said our final goodnights, and I asked him if he truly loved me and he said “of course kat, why do you think that”. I was still sad that our relationship wasn’t back to normal yet, so I told him I wanted it to get back to normal and for us to be team awesome. He said he wanted the same. The next morning when I woke up I had more Facebook messaged from this guy asking ” Hey are you up,? I should come get you”. I told Adam right away, and his attitude was still not normal. Later Sunday he came over and broke up with me. He told me that he “wasn’t happy” and that he couldn’t trust me with guys. But I have never cheated on him, and nor would I want to. I told him right away about this guy messaging me, and I didn’t keep it a secret. I’ve been trying to reason with him and tell him nothing happened, and that this has been our first major fight and our first break up ever. I asked to work on things, both of us, and he denied and said he didn’t want to get hurt again and it was close to impossible for him to give me another chance. He told me that he messaged the guy that messaged me on Facebook that night asking if he did pick me up, and if we did sleep together. The guy responded ” No, and he was drunk” exactly what I told Adam, but he still didn’t believe me, and now he messaged that guy. I am left feeling hurt, and upset because i feel as tho that guy messaging me, was a point in him triggering to break up with me. I obviously miss him a lot. He asked me to get together tonight so that he can give me some of my clothing and items back and that we could talk. But I already tried to ask him to work on things, and he said he couldn’t. What should I do? I want to make it look like I am doing fine without him, and that I don’t need him. But I am missing him awfully. I haven’t eaten since Saturday because I am so sick to my stomach that I lost him. I miss him terribly, and today is supposed to be our one year and It’s awful. What should I say when I meet him to talk to him tonight? Should I ask him to try it one more time or what should I say? I need help because I want to get back together with him obviously because he is my best friend and I didn’t just spend a year of my life with him for nothing. Help please.

Kat.

Kat

April 19, 2016 at 6:41 pm

Yes we did meet up, and he realized I wanted to fix things, but he said he couldn’t trust me even after I stated very valid points. Since then we talked a little. One day we talked for a while and it felt like everything was okay and that he was somewhat flirting with me again. But then the next day he was upset at me and angry. So he is playing the hot one minute and cold the next. I haven’t talked to since since the 16th because I’m trying out the no contact. He messaged me twice yesterday, first was in the morning saying “Good luck on your exams and stuff this week, I know you’ll do amazing”, but then not even 15 minutes later I went and got on the bus and he was on the bus. When I got on, it was just him and I and he didn’t even look up from his phone or say hi or anything. I know he knew it was me because I saw him looking at me before I even got on the bus from the window. I just read and ignored his text message (and he could see I read and ignored because of iMessage). Then later yesterday evening he messaged me “So I just applied to Metro( grocery store) again, dml LOL”. I read this message and didn’t reply again. I just feel like he sent me that message for nothing yano? He didn’t even ask how my exam was that morning and he didn’t even have the balls to say hi to me on the bus whenever I would of sat down next to him and talked with him. He messaged me twice though yesterday so I feel like this is a good sign but I’m unsure. I also work at metro, and he applied to the department that is right beside mine. So he will be seeing me whenever we work together because he is right beside me. I am just so confused as to what to do because I want him back and I’m trying to do the no contact to make him miss me and maybe it’s working. I just need some advice.

Thanks,

Kat
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 21, 2016 at 1:03 pm

yes I think it is..especially if you did it right after he got angry.. he will think it’s because of that, that you’re ignoring him
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 14, 2016 at 7:00 am

Hi Kat,

did you meet up? did he realize you are telling the truth?

Ingie

April 12, 2016 at 11:38 pm

Dear Chris, dear Amor (beautiful name!), First of all congratulations on your website and programme! I already got back to my boyffriend (same one I am talking about here) once, just two years ago! At that time we broke up after a row, I had planned a trip to celebrate his birthday and we had a row and he did not go in the end (which upset me) and I asked him to get his stuff out of my house. Well, he went to his home country to help out his mum and meet the families´ needs, and I did the no-contact rule on him and the text messages (thanks to your ex boyfriend recovery pro) and we made up long distance (!) and he came back to me…..
We had another honeymoon month but then his mother suffered a heart attack and he got back to his home country to fetch her and bring her here so she could have surgery here. Now his mum is very demanding, and very dominant, and in my opinion she uses him as the “messenger boy” of the family (out of the 5 brothers and sisters he is the only one taking care of her day and night). So, well, her heart attack was 20th Jan 2015 and he brought her here a few weeks after, and ever since then we have had a teenager relationship, or lovers relationship in my opinion. For, we could only meet up if the mother did not have any plans for him ,,,,,, (and we could not spend the night together or make plans for the weekend).
In January of this year this all became too much for me, after nearly one year, and I complained to him about that (this was 3rd Jan), which he took very badly and did not speak to me for one week, He would use to do this more often. I always found it very hard to talk to him about my disagreements with something. For, he is very sensitive and shuts down asa he believes someone is criticizing him,,,, But as these silences from his side trigger bad experiences I have from the past (of when I grew up and I already lived a situation with him last year that he did not answer my calls/messages for a month) ), at one point I could not stand it anymore and started to pack in his clothes. ….
This was something he took very badly (he is a lovely person, who will do anything for you, but also very sensitive and resentful, and proud!!!) and we split up. Yes, it was on my initiative, but I did not want us to really split up. I only wanted him to take into account my opinion/feelings,
But I think he did not take things as such….
Well, to cut off a long story, I was not able to complete a NC rule, for I had sent his CV to companies I know in my sector (he is unemployed), and we saw each other a few times about work related issues, which got my hopes up.
We even had a conversation to solve things between us and he suggested we had more of these to work things out.
But nothing comes from his side. It is always me who has to take the intitiative.
Last week he suggested we should talk and even offered to switch the day of his visit to his daughter, but when we had decided to meet up on Saturday I could not reach him all day, and when I finally reached him he said he did not want a relationship. For, he had too many things going on in his private life (not being able to get a duplicate of his lost “Green Card”, him being unemployed and without income, the situation with his mum) and did not know where he would go in the end back to his home country, or to another country) or to where his brother lives….
And I was devastated. For,many of these problems he had them too when we were still together (except for the Green Card issue), so I don´t think this is the real issue.
I think the real issue is that he thinks he already has me in his pocket, and that for that reason I have lost attraction to him, But I have this doubt whether I should give him space to sort his things or if it really is about a loss of interest from his side….
By the way, before his mother had her heart attack (the mum is very dominant and claiming him 100%) he lived in my place for 6-7 months which was like a honeymoon to both of us (he said this when he came to collect his stuff) and that he had been very happy with me. And me with him!
But ever since the mum came I have felt like in the 2nd or 3rd place (something I could never explain to him, although last time I spoke to him he said he “would first attend the ones who needed him first” (his mother in this case) and I said that that explained that I had felt in a 2nd place. Which in itself maybe is not a problem, for this is something you can talk about and work out), but well, although we had agreed on talking more often he has informed me last weekend that he does not want a relationship (well, at least not with me or not for the moment), which has been horrible for me, for I though we could work thing out.
What should I do? Another NC rule on him, like tow years ago? I already managed to get him back once……
Appreciating your reply, with love to you and your tem.

Ingie

April 14, 2016 at 1:29 pm

Dear Amor, thanks for your reply! I don´t understand the last part though, where you say “start over”, Do you mean to say that in case he does not contact me during NC, I should forget about him and start a new life? XXX
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 16, 2016 at 8:05 am

sorry, I meant, if he talks to you during nc and if the convo didn’t go well you have to restart nc..
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 14, 2016 at 3:17 am

Hi Ingie,

thanks for your appreciation! Implement nc rule if he’s not talking to you.. Be very active go back to having your own life.. but if he does talk to you during nc.. try to have a calm conversation about your concern with nc.. if not.. start over

Emma

April 12, 2016 at 6:05 pm

I broke up with my boyfriend first and then we got back together and then my friend told him I want to break up with and later that day I asked him out and he said no. How can I get him to ask me out again?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2016 at 9:48 pm

Hi Emma,

I’m sorry, I didn’t understand. YOur friend told him that you wanted to break up with him?

Sad

April 11, 2016 at 6:50 pm

My boyfriend and I dated my whole senior year of high school and broke up in June before we entered our different colleges. I read your book and did the no contact and we talked a lot my first semester. Over Christmas break we ended up getting back together and I was SO HAPPY!! We did long distance and I visited him and everything was great! He ended up cheating on me twice. Eventually, he found out I had been getting on his social media accounts and my friends were prank calling him a lot and he was SOOOOOO mad. I understand why he is mad but also he cheated on me twice!! Its been 1 week since we broke up. We know we want each other. We haven’t talked in a week and go home for summer in like 20 days. What should I do to win him and his trust back at the beginning of summer so we can get back together before the school year and have a good summer together….. I want him to miss me and want me back.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2016 at 9:54 am

Hi Sad,
sorry for the late reply.. Shouldn’t he be the one to win your trust back?
Sad

April 12, 2016 at 5:33 pm

I don’t get help??
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2016 at 9:54 am

Hi Sad,
sorry for the late reply.. Shouldn’t he be the one to win your trust back?

Danielle

April 11, 2016 at 4:38 pm

My ex and I were not together an incredibly long time, only 4 months. But in those 4 months, things moved very quickly. Right away, we discovered how incredibly compatible we are and how much we were both falling for eachother fast. He told me to start leaving things at his place, he told his parents about me, and we booked a trip together. A couple weeks before the trip, I found out he cheated on me. He begged for my forgiveness, told me how badly he regretted it – it was just a drunk mistake, he barely even remembers it. He told me he was going to do everything and anything to gain my trust back. So I decided to give him another chance. Things were great and we went on our trip and had an amazing time. A few days after returning, I asked him to meet up with my friends and I for drinks as I had some new friends around he hadn’t met before. He got really drunk and flirted with my friends the entire night, ignored me, and got physically touchy and flirty with them. I got extremely upset and broke up with him again. I am still unsure as to whether I made the right choice or not, but either way, I want him to miss me. Even if we do not get back together, I want him to miss me so that he can understand how badly he screwed up, so that at least he won’t do the same thing to another girl in the future. My problem is with the “No Contact” rule. We live in a very small town with not much to do and so, since we broke up only a week ago, I have already ran into him 3 times. At first I thought this would be a good thing because he could see me out having fun with my friends. However, as we had drinks, my best friends ended up going over to his group of friends and talking to them for a long period of time. I was left sitting on my own with a couple people I did not know well, while watching my friends and my ex and his friends talk and laugh and have fun. I didn’t feel comfortable going up to join their group as I am trying to allow space between us, but I ended up very upset (both with my friends and the situation) and ended up crying and leaving. How am I supposed to deal with this situation? What do I do when I run into him all the time? How do I act and what do I say? Also, what do I do when in a situation where my friends are talking to him and his friends? Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2016 at 8:45 am

Hi Danielle,

When you’re friends are talking to him..just let them.. and when you’re left alone take that time to meet new people. You can only control yourself . It’s ok if you bump into him time to time, be polite but don’t engage in a talk..Keep yourself busy in improving and healing

Cindy

April 11, 2016 at 1:24 pm

Hi! This is going to be a long one.
My man and I had been together for about a year and a half now, I’ll start the story from the beginning. When we met, I had just gotten out of a relationship of three years and was on the rebound. I had gone on a couple dates and went out with one of my man’s best friends, “S” for about 1-2 months, but we weren’t dating seriously. This is when I met my man, “L”. During these 2 months, L tagged along to many of our dates, and the 3 of us became very close. Soon, L and I started hanging out alone. One of these nights, he confessed he had feelings for me and I told him that I felt the same way (which was true, I had realized it not long after meeting him). So I broke it off with S, and L and I started texting regularly and seeing each other in secret so as not to hurt S. Well, S found out and made things very difficult between us by telling our friends lies and basically creating a very dramatic situation. But L and I got through it together. Then came the summer and I decided to take a 2 month trip to visit my family in Germany. L and I kept in touch throughout this time but we weren’t officially boyfriend and girlfriend because we agreed to wait to do that when I was back in the country. During this time, I happened to meet up with an ex of mine from years before and had one night of drunken sex with him. Not wanting to lie to L, I told him about it and although he was hurt, he forgave me as we weren’t officially together.
When I got back from my trip, we were very happy to see each other and we decided that we were ready to start dating. Although we were very happy during this time, I felt that L was a bit clingy and a bit jealous of any male friendships that I had and he wanted something more serious than what I was ready for. So I broke it off with him in November, but he still kept in touch because we decided to remain friends. During this time, I went out a lot with friends, went on dates with guys (nothing serious, no sexual relationships). I felt he criticized me a lot when I went out, and looking back on it, I can see that he did it because he was still in love with me. But at the time, I did not pay attention to this and I pushed him away by being very mean to him (I would be blunt to his face about why we would never work out for example, my family would never accept him because we are an interracial couple, etc) because I just wanted him to move on from me. During this time, L and I were still sexually involved, like friends with benefits kind of deal as I did not want to sleep around with any other guys, and truthfully L has been the best I’ve ever had. Then, came Christmas and even though we agreed to not get each other presents, we both surprised the other with gifts. I think it was then I started thinking that maybe I wanted this guy back in my life and maybe I should stop pushing him away. So I stopped being mean to him. But I was still dating around and not really focusing too much on creating a relationship between us. We stayed friends with benefits and stayed a constant in each others life.
About 2 or 3 months later, we decided to try creating a relationship again between us. I thought everything was okay but in early June, he told me that he no longer wanted to date me, that he was too hurt from everything that happened in November and that he just wanted to be friends. No sex, no feelings involved. I cried and begged him to change his mind but he said no. I was hurt but determined not to let him see how heartbroken I was over everything. About 2 weeks later, we had just hung out and I had just dropped him off at his house when I was driving home and got into a really bad car accident. The driver from the other side of the road made a left turn and hit me head-on, catching my car on fire. I was completely devastated, and the only thing I grabbed from the car was my phone as I was still close to L’s neighbourhood. He was the first person I called. As soon as I told him what happened, he came running to my side and stayed with me through everything that day. The next few weeks were a nightmare and he never left me alone for a night, constantly was checking up on me, even called off from work on days when I was feeling especially terrible with the physical and mental trauma. And we fell in love through this traumatic experience. So we started dating again.
For the next few months, he did it all with me: the physio, meetings with the lawyers, doctors, psychologist, everything. I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD and needed regular meetings with a psychologist. I hit a very low point that fall, where I was put on suicide watch. He never left my side. Beginning in late November, I finally started coming out of my depression and trying to rebuild my life. I got a new job, and a new car, and started wanting to get out of the house and actually do things. This is when out relationship became rocky. We started fighting about petty things, he would say he wanted space from me, and I would find he wouldn’t give me as much attention as he used to. We had both good and bad days but it was a pretty even split, maybe even some weeks where the bad days outnumbered the good. But we stuck it out together both thinking that this was just a phase. In January, we started realizing that there was something seriously wrong in the relationship, but neither one of us wanted to let go even though there were many nights we had screaming matches and swore we would break it off, but the next morning always came and neither one of us could bear to lose the other. During this time, my depression started worsening again and then a few weeks later, we did break up for a few days, but got back together as he said he wanted to continue giving me support through my depression and I had told him that I did not want to be friends after the breakup. Then came a time when we almost tip toed around each other to avoid fighting. This worked for almost a month. Seeing as my depression had not gotten any better, my psychologist recommended I try to take some time to myself and go for a vacation. I decided that she was right and with that, I booked myself a flight out for the following month for a 6 month visit with family, which she thought would be good for me to gather my thoughts and try to put my life back together as it seemed that the car accident had affected me more traumatically than originally was expected and that it was affecting a lot of my relationships with other people, especially with L. Before I left, L and I had an amazing last month together, spending as much time together as possible doing things we loved to do (brunch, going for walks, shopping (hes actually the shopper between the two of us!)). We had a deep conversation about where our relationship was going and though neither of us was sure about what the future would bring, we both agreed that we are in love and happy while together. So we decided to try long distance to see if space and time apart would help us decide if we wanted a future together when I came back.
This brings us to where I am now. We have been doing long distance for about a month and I’ve had lots of time to think during that time. It made me realize that I do want a future with him and my psychologist recommended that I tell him how I felt. Worst mistake ever. We got into a huge fight about it. He said that he felt I was being pushy and he was already unsure about things between us, so now he feels like he is being forced into a relationship hes no longer happy in, that hes still upset about everything that happened the year before and he feels like its not something hes ever going to be able to get over. I cried on the phone and told him to not make a haste decision and to take time to think about it. He agreed and apologized for overreacting. The next day we spoke and he told me that he thought we should break up but he wanted to stay friends. I told him that I did not want to break up and cried and begged him to reconsider. He told me that he loved me but he felt that this relationship was poisonous for him. I told him that if he could speak to me in such a rude way, I did not want to continue a friendship with him and instead opt for a clean breakup. We continued texting for a bit after hanging up and he told me that he did not want to lose me. So instead of breaking up, we decided to go on a break for a month, with limited contact, without seeing other people, and truly take time to think about things. He told me that if at the end of the month, he thinks that he wants a future with me, he will never question anything between us again and will never let me go, but if the opposite is true then he will never consider getting back together with me again. That was yesterday.
I cannot stand the thought of losing him and don’t know to go from here. Please help, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2016 at 2:51 pm

Hi Cindy,

start to put yourself first because if you love yourself then that means you’re not in a relationship just to feel loved because that means you’re just in love with the feeling of love… True love is not needy.. It’s an addition to your life, it’s not everything about your life..

emma

April 11, 2016 at 1:16 pm

My ex broke up with me last Sunday 🙁 he has depression and aspergus he said he ended it because he needed space and time and sort his head out felt like he didn’t love me as much has he did witch I no is a lie or that’s his depression. Because before he ended we had a massive fight I went away for 3 days so we both could cool of he was texting me saying he misses my crying and loves me so much. I came back and collected some stuff and he graped me so tight. The Tue when I can back massive hug and kiss because he missed me so much cried in the evening thanking me for supporting him with his depression we had an amazing day laughs romantic dances sex everything the next day said he felt flat and wanted a night away and didn’t want me to see him on a downer when we had a great day. So me being supportive gave him the bus fare and went to a mates. We was texting fine saying he loved and missed me loads. Before he went bed was making plans for the next day. Woke up in the morning lovely text saying he missed me can’t wait to see me loves with all his heart and soul and then at the bottom *we need to talk* ouch 🙁 he came back and packed his stuff said he feels like he doesn’t love me as much and wants time and somenspace to sort out his head. My heart was crushed and confused cos the night before everything was fine 🙁 he left and then text me when he gotnthere saying speak so if not at all. Text me all the way to Sunday saying he loved me then ended it on sun saying he feels like he can no longer be with me doesn’t miss me as much as he did the week before when I left him. I still think that was because he was home alone in our house. And his leaving with mates at the moment. Anyway been texting me still everyday week a week since we split he came over the Thur when he collected some stuff post and clothes we had sex again and cuddled in bed but then left. He text me saying at the moment he feels like we can only be friends and only see me being friends with benefits 🙁 he then said he loves me again and still fancies the fuck out of me so he can’t be alone with me cause all he wants to do is have sex with me. I don’t understand how you can still love someone fancy the hell out of them still want to have sexy with them put not want to be with them. Said maybe in time or in afew months it will change and will give us another go 🙁 but his not even thinking about that at the moment. All he keeps thinking about is the bad times and not the good. He has really bad depression and is drinking loads every night texting me saying his pissed crying and upset. So I don’t understand. Just want him back home and I think all this is down to the depression cos depression cuts of your feeling his text don’t sound like him on some days some days lovely sweet and kind next cold. Stuff like he only wants to fuck menthats not him his never done friends with benfitis ever!!!! Do you think it be his depression. And in don’t no howbtondo the nc because we have a home and he texts me to see if he needs to pay bills if I need any money and asks about the cats can you help me please????

emma

April 11, 2016 at 4:09 pm

I’m not letting him but I was weak I saw him and couldn’t say no I missed him so much. His not doing it now messaged me this morning saying he wants me bad but won’t to cos he recpets me because he loves.me. I can’t afford to before we moved here we was homeless and in shard homes. And don’t work so it took a lot of hard work to get here. Does depression confuse your feelings? Also how can I do the nc?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2016 at 8:15 am

yeah it does confuse feelings.. Just don’t talk to him feelings, don’t have sex and be active in other things.. go out as much as you can..only talk about other things if really needed
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2016 at 2:37 pm

Hi Emma,

if he has depression, he has to seek professional help but for me,depression or not l, don’t let somebody use you for sex..Are you going to get a new place?

Ophelia

April 11, 2016 at 9:57 am

In our relationship, it was mostly him contributing, he always thought of making me happy, bringing me to everywhere and always telling me all the good things. It was not like that I didn’t like him, I admitted it was not as much as he did, I tried to make him happy, I spent all of my time with him when possible and I thought we were really happy together. For the last three months, I relied on him a lot, I was experiencing the worst days in my life, nothing went well, except him, I put a lot of my negative emotion on him and I know he didn’t sign up for that. He met me year and a half ago, when I was always positive, happy and fun. I don’t blame him that He ended us last week, why does he need to commit to someone so depressed. In fact, he has been really considerate all these time, but I didn’t improve and took him for granted, (not really though, all I did was not mentioning it, I was actually really grateful). At the last 2 weeks of our relationship, we were not happy, situation got worse dramatically. He thought that I dont care about him and I dont think about his side, which is not true at least not for now. However, I did ask for a break 2 weeks ago but he refused, then the next week he broke up with me and got back with his ex gf straight away. He said that I pushed him away back to her, he really wants to get back with her. Hurt so bad when he said it to me face to face. They were dating for a year, 2 months before he went out with me. I wanted to try all the no contact rule, but I am worried that would prove to him that I dont care about him. And if he got back with his ex, does that mean he truly love her and wouldn’t get back with me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2016 at 2:18 pm

Hi Ophelia,

I think you should move on..If he really loves you, he shouldn’t have done that

Mimi

April 11, 2016 at 6:46 am

hi…I liked a guy for more than a year and 2 months ago I suddenly confessed. After that he said okay then we should talk and let’s see what happens. He never called me, just simple text once in a day may be. We met 2 times only. He used to talk about our future together, our kids, family and the next moment he would say we are not in a relationship. I was always confused. It was pretty much obvious that he had no interest in me but I tried my level best to make him realize that I was serious about him but he never gave me the chance. I always used to tell him if you think we should stop talking then please just let me know, don’t keep me waiting. He would always reply no, I like talking to you, just give me some time bla bla bla. 3/4 days ago I got to know that he found a new girl who is probably almost 6/7 years younger than him. And he is already showing her off on FB even though they know each other for a week only. I was frustrated so sent him some long texts but he didn’t reply and when I called him he insulted me and said don’t act like my GF, there are a lot of girls who like me so I never lied and you can’t call it cheating. What should I do? I don’t want him back in my life but all I want is to make him realize that he did wrong. I actually cared for him, he broke my heart. Is there any way to make him feel guilty and say sorry?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2016 at 1:56 pm

Hi Mimi,

yeah.. be happy and be successful..that’s always the best way

Yunie

April 11, 2016 at 4:49 am

I dated one of my best friends for three months. He has a really deep past. He was in a relationship that became long distance for three years. His ex had to get an abortion because they knew that they would not be able to provide or take care of the baby because they were both still in school. This hurt him deeply. Shortly after that his ex broke up with him because she was cheating w another guy. We all saw him beg for her but she had already started a serious relationship with the other guy. Everyone thinks that she is a bad person because all we saw was his side of being hurt but honestly maybe this was just her way of moving on from the hard choice that they had to make. That is when I came into the picture. We started talking and I kinda helped him get back up on his feet from the depression that he was going through. Its not easy seeing someone you care so much go through something like that but I tried my best. A year later he admitted he had feelings for him and we started going out. For three months everything was going really well. Not sure if it was just because of the honeymoon stage or if things were really that great. We talked about marriage, having kids, even moving in together. He even introduced me to his family which he made clear was something that meant a lot to him. All of our friends judged us for moving so fast but to us it honestly just felt right. Then one day out of nowhere he broke it off. It was such a shock because their honesly were no warning signs or arguements. He said that he really loved me and wanted to be with me but that he felt worthless because I was going to school and he wasnt. He said that he knew he was not able to provide for me if we were to have kids and tht he felt like he was not ready for a relationship at this moment. I tried so hard to convince him that we could get through anything together regardless of what it was and that this didnt have to be an issue but he kept insisting that we be just friends. Finally he gave in and said that he wanted to stay with me but tht he felt like he was going nowhere in life and tht he was depending on me too much. Honestly none of it made sense I guess something just clicked in his head maybe from his past relationship but I let it go. The next two days everything went back to normal but then on the third day he broke it off again. This time he said it was because he didnt feel the same way about me anymore and that he didnt have feelings. I honestly just did not believe him. I asked him how is it possible that your feelings changed from one day to the next unless you were lieing this whole time about me. I was so hurt and so confused. First he said he didnt have feelings for me anymore so thats why he broke up with me but then he said it was because he didnt have his life together and he needed to this. But after the breakup I kept pushing him to talk about it but he just didnt want to. He said it didnt give him a good feeling inside whenever I brought it up. He however insisted that we be friends and keep talking and we even met up a couple of times after we broke up but his conditions were that we were not going to talk about “us”. I was so confused. I didnt know what to do but I knew that something was obviously wrong with him but he just wouldnt tell me. After the breakup I did everything that your not supposed to do. On all his days off I insisted that we meet up in person to talk or do something and he would get very angry. We were still constantly texting as well but if he got upset he would stop replying and I would spam his phone. I just felt like he still had feelings for me but there was something else wrong with him and he didnt want to admit it. It got to the point where he got so angry with the texts and me forcing myself on him to meet up that he started cursing at me saying that I was making his life so difficult. He then said that he didnt want to talk to me at all and that he was going to block my number. When he said this I got so upset and I kept texting him and texting him. I wish I wouldnt have done that. I later realized that he lied and that he actually never really blocked my number. So
for a whole month I was constantly texting him everyday three times a day sometimes more I just kept apologizing for acting crazy and that I didnt want to be in bad terms. He never responded not once. A mutual friend of ours later told me that he told him that he felt guilty because he felt like now he was in his exs place. I really didnt know what he meant by that but regardless I kept texting until finally he told me to leave him alone and that he didnt want to know about me. He then actually did block my number. The same friend later told me that he tried asking him about me but that he laughed and said that he was done with it but that I kept bugging him. I wish I could take it all back. I acted so crazy and it was just so wrong of me. I just didnt know what to do. He kept pulling me in and pushing me away it was just driving me insane. I needed him to talk about it but he just wouldnt. In the last text message he sent me he called me crazy and the b word as well. He practically hates me. I dont know what to do. How can I take it all back??? I feel so lost. I dont want to lose him but I guess I have already. How can I change his attitude towards me?? I stopped texting him because he blocked me but how am I supposed to try the no contact rule now? Please help

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2016 at 1:23 pm

Hi Yunie,

You can’t change him.. because that’s not your decision.. The only way to have a chance to change your image in him is to show you have truly moved.. it might take time but it would be easier to be friends again when he knows you won’t be chasing

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