How To Know If Your Ex Boyfriend Is Using You- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

349 thoughts on “How To Know If Your Ex Boyfriend Is Using You”

Sofia

April 6, 2014 at 8:14 pm

I can’t wait for the new article about the male psychology!

I need your wise male perspective once again: is it a good or a bad sign if he doesn’t want to tell me that he has a new girlfriend? I’ve found out about it from other sources and he knows that if I hear it from him I wouldn’t pursue him anymore (I told him so), and yet he won’t tell me about it. Is it good or bad when a guy hides that from an ex?

admin

April 7, 2014 at 5:04 pm

It’s about halfway through. Its going to be a very long one.

Probably a good sign. He must still care about what you think.

jamie

April 6, 2014 at 1:12 am

Okay. This is day two I have been ignoring his texts and phone calls. I think he is starting to get mad? When I start to talk to him again im sure he will ask why ive been ignoring him. Whats the best answer to this?

admin

April 6, 2014 at 5:23 pm

You just needed some time for yourself to think about things.

jamie

April 3, 2014 at 12:32 am

Thanks for this. I think my ex is using me emotionally. Possibly physically. The only difference is that he doesnt leave afterwards and there is cuddling and I love yous. Its usually once a week he comes sometimes two nights in a row. I havent talked about our future because I dont want him to say something I dont want to hear that will set me back. I cant figure out whats going on in his mind. Do you have any idea? Do you think one week of not talking to him will really work bc I feel like this ones stubborn and prideful.

admin

April 4, 2014 at 4:49 pm

Ya… his actions do kind of say he is using you.

He might just be telling you what you want to hear because he knows it will be an in to keep coming back.

Sofia

April 1, 2014 at 9:37 pm

I need your help, please reply because I’m at a very vulnerable position :(, this is very personal and intimate but here I go: he told me that he never wanted to speak with me again, blocked me, he told me that he would block my emails too but I’ve found out that he didn’t. I’m really desperate for him, so I’ve been doing something not very smart, I track the emails I send to him and I’ve found out that most of the times he doesn’t even open them to read them!. But, and please don’t judge, when I send him something ermm ‘erotic’ with a sex subject he does open and read them, although he never replies. So basically when I write him about my feelings and how sad I am he deletes them without reading them but when the subject is something sexual he opens them.
it makes me wonder if he’s been using me the whole time, if that’s the case then I don’t want him back, he would say things such as ‘now I can finally sleep properly, goodnight’ after sex sometimes and just ignore me.

Question: is this a form of being used sexually too, emails being ignored while specific ones being read?
Help!

admin

April 2, 2014 at 5:31 pm

Is he talkative when the subject turns to sex?
Sofia

April 2, 2014 at 7:12 pm

he was talkative when the subject turned to sex and not so much about regular stuff.
He hasn’t talked to me in month and ignores my emails, except for those kind of ones

I don’t want to be his doormat.
Do you think he’s using me? was he doing it the whole time?

Becca

April 1, 2014 at 1:05 am

I really, really, really am hoping for a response, I know you are super busy, but I hope you find the time :~)

Thank you so much for all the help. My boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me abruptly, even though we were planning on getting married. Initially he told me doesnt want to talk to me because it would make things harder, and I tried reaching out to him a few times, but he never responded. After a two weeks, I messaged him, and he said he really didnt think we should stay in touch. Two weeks later, I just sent him a picture of something funny, and he responded “haha”. And two and a half weeks after that, I messaged him again, and he seemed to have warmed up to me a little (he was polite), though he didnt sound happy in his life – in fact, he kind of sounded miserable. But he was responsive, so that was something. And that was a week ago. So my question is this (and I really, really hope you respond): I just found your website last week (which was already 2 months into our breakup). I didnt know about the NC, so I never really did it, so I dont know if I should start now, or if I should try messaging him again, because he responded to me. I am not sure if I should let him sit and simmer, or I should start the line of communication. I have emailed you the whole long extensive version of the story (I didnt want to bore the community here, though there are many more tipping factors), so if you can please let me know what I should do, I would really, REALLY appreciate it.

admin

April 1, 2014 at 5:04 pm

I am really, really, really, really going to respond ;).

Tell me, what are your worries about no contact? That he may lose interest?
Becca

April 2, 2014 at 12:50 am

Thank you! I am worried that since it is almost 3 months since our breakup, and we have had very minimal text conversations as it is, that, yes, too much time may pass. It has been two months since the text where I was the emotional, needy girl, where he was cold and told me we shouldnt have any contact. But two weeks ago, when I did message him, he didnt seem so bitter, he seemed sad and depressed too. However, last week, I asked him a question, and he never responded. So timeline wise, I am very confused how to move forward.
Becca

April 3, 2014 at 1:50 am

I know you and the community are super super busy, but do you have any thoughts as to what I should do now?
admin

April 4, 2014 at 4:46 pm

“The community” hahaha your making us sound like the mob.

What specifically do you want help with. I am always happy to help.

Matidi

March 31, 2014 at 8:39 am

Thank you Chris its like you are talking to me right now. I’m starting my seven days no contact from today 🙂
Jesse

March 29, 2014 at 12:34 pm

So my ex boyfriend and I were together for almost a year and he dumped me three months ago because he lost feelings along with the fact that I flirted with another guy and lied for awhile (he didn’t even tell me or anyone that that was the reason until a month later because he was embarrassed). My ex was so mad at me, and has only calmed down in the past week. A few weeks ago he became very jealous at a club because he saw me dancing with another guy. I told him about what he did (tapping me on the shoulder and fake smiling, pulling me to the side to ask if I needed help with the guy, and straight up ignoring me at one point.) He is very up and down as in ‘in love with me one day and not the next’ and he admitted it. A few weeks ago he told a friend of ours that he misses me but tries to convince himself not to you, and that in the future when things calm down we might get back together. I invited him out to dinner and he wasn’t sure but ended up going anyways. As soon as he came we instantly clicked again. He kept bringing up old memories of when we were dating. He told me that his friend likes me and asked for permission to “go for me” and my ex told him that he can and he told me that he knows me so well and I would never go for that guy so it’s okay. He was also showing off a bit showing me pictures on his new phone of his weekends and stuff. At the end of dinner he said that he would stay with me for a few hours until he went out, so we went back to my place and sat where we broke up. He was getting really close to me and eventually he kissed me and then was touching me in intimate places so I told him to stop and he did. He said he was so sorry and I started crying. He asked me if I still had feelings and I said “Yes. Don’t you?” and he said no not really and that he thought I looked really good that night and he just wanted to kiss me. We talked for a long time. I told him to tell me honestly if he loved me as a person and he said he did but he’s moved on. He said he wants me to be happy and go for other guys because it makes him sad to see me so sad. He told me he wants to put things behind us besides the good memories because the good memories are amazing and they make him smile as if it wasn’t wasted time. I asked “Why are you going to make an effort?” and he replied “Because I feel bad.” so I told him that he shouldn’t do this just to make me happy and he said he wasn’t and that he actually wants to be around me. He said that this dinner was really helpful and we should do more things like this. When he was leaving he hugged me and said “Love ya.” and kissed my forehead. I told him he better mean it if he says it and he said he means it as a friend. He said “Call me tomorrow and we can go to the beach together maybe. Wait, no, I’ll call you.” Did he use me? Do you think he’s telling the truth about his feelings? Do you think he still has feelings and that if we spend more time together these feelings could show more and more?

admin

March 30, 2014 at 8:51 pm

I think he is all over the place. How old is he? Hmm.. maybe I should ask how mature is he?
Jesse

March 31, 2014 at 9:23 pm

He is 16. Not very mature but he thinks he is. He’s kind of known for his immaturity sometimes. He’s been telling our friend that he doesn’t know if he has feelings and he has agreed to go on a double date with us and another friend, but I’m not supposed to know. He’s also called me for this first time since the break up and asked to hang out and apparently him and his friend came by my house to see if I was there but I was gone. He told our friend today that I’m probably going to cry and be like “Oh I miss us we were so cute together wah wah.” at the double date. I’m really pissed his immaturity.
Jesse

March 29, 2014 at 12:43 pm

Also, if he does call me should I apply the 7 day no contact rule for this? Even if he is using me or not. Would it make him feel more guilty about what he’s done and bring out more feelings for me, or would it just make him mad that he’s making an effort and I’m ignoring it?

Jessica

March 28, 2014 at 3:40 pm

Hi Chris..!
What does it mean when your ex boyfriend stares at you for a while but doesn’t do or show emotion. He does it all the time he sees you but yet he has a girlfriend. Please help!

admin

March 30, 2014 at 8:28 pm

He is probably reminiscing about your time together.

Help!??

March 27, 2014 at 9:26 pm

Hey Chris
I have a few questions what does it mean if your ex is being hot and cold? Sometimes from a distance I find him staring other times It seems like he hates me. Or it seems like he doesn’t care and he acts as if he doesn’t know me. How can I get his attention and or reattract him? Is it even possible I really love him and miss him it’s been almost 6 months we dated for three years if don’t wanna just give up and say there was no solution I believe you could help if I really follow your instructions. Please help!!!!!
Mary

March 27, 2014 at 4:00 am

So CHRIS!

Me and my exboyfriend were hanging out about 2-3 weeks ago. And we were together for 4 years. So after we broke up, he went to another girl. And they’re pretty much dating. I’m really not dating. So as we were hanging out, we were at my house, and we were watching movies, and I ordered Chinese. Good company. But he was on my phone looking for movies, I didn’t care nothing to hide. So one of my guy friends texted me, along with my sister, but his text said ” when are you coming over” he seen that I ignored it before I gave him my phpne, and I have an iPhone, so after he found a movie he read my message, O_o , and the only reason how I know is because it was in my notifications anymore. So half way in the movie we started kissing and we you know. After normally he leaves, but this time he fell asleep until 4/5am -.- and when I woke up I had a hickie. And during sex, he wasn’t kissing my neck or nothing.

I know I shouldn’t have did anything sexual. That was my fault. But he threw me onto him, as we were kissing. So I guess I felt ” in the moment” anyways…

Why would he do such a thing when he has a new girl? And swears he feels nothing for me?

admin

March 27, 2014 at 11:58 pm

Ok, if he cheated on his new girl with you that says more about him than anything…
Mary

March 28, 2014 at 3:20 am

Well they’re just ” dating”, he said they’re not official. he can’t predict the future -.-
Mary

March 28, 2014 at 3:21 am

But what do you mean it says more about him?
admin

March 28, 2014 at 4:49 pm

About his character. He isn’t that great of a guy…
Mary

March 28, 2014 at 8:25 pm

And you know what, you’re probably right. I just don’t understand this at all. If he was really “done” with me, wouldn’t he cut off all ties with me?

But thank you, I think I needed to hear that.

k94

March 25, 2014 at 10:16 pm

What’s the next guide on? 🙂

admin

March 26, 2014 at 5:03 pm

What to do if you get blocked. I am getting close to finishing it.
k94

March 26, 2014 at 8:20 pm

LOVE it.
Looking forward to having a read.

Dina

March 25, 2014 at 8:17 pm

Chris you are awesome. day 40 of nc and I am feeling very good. he has not contact me yet but I am thinking maybe It is better to forget him. I’ve met someone else. not as good as him in my opinion but he is treating me like an angel. I want to complete 60 days of nc. maybe things will get better, thank you
Roxy

March 24, 2014 at 11:42 pm

I’ll keep this super brief: my ex boyfriend broke up with me last April, & after a lot of needy behavior on my part, I stopped in October and spent time working on myself. He contacted me in January, and requested to hook up, which I did not respond to…after which he chased me further, with all his conversations being very sexual. I gave in last week, when he came over and we made out (no sex), and I have not heard from him ever since. I haven’t contacted him since then, either. My questions are:

1. Why has he disappeared after craving for my attention?
2. Should I contact him & tell him what you’ve mentioned in the end regarding feeling used, etc?

Please let me know. Thank you 🙂

admin

March 25, 2014 at 4:44 pm

1. maybe he got bored
2. Only if you feel it is best for your situation.
Roxy

April 6, 2014 at 5:59 pm

I texted him 10 days ago, saying what you’ve suggested about not hooking up, etc. He responded to the text saying Ok, take care. After that I have not contacted him, nor has he. However, he has been liking my pictures on Instagram and giving me glances at university, parties, etc. What does this mean?

G

March 24, 2014 at 5:07 pm

Hey Chris! I haven’t been on your site for awhile. I been in modified NC with my ex for about 2 months. He’s been out of town for 6 months doing military training; he dumped me right before he left. I’ve been taking care of his cat while he’s away, since we’ve shared care of him for the past 4 years.

He got back in town 3 days ago. I sent him an email on Saturday night saying that I was going out with my friends on Sunday, and I asked him to please not contact me about the cat until the evening or another day because I just wanted to enjoy my time out, and not be upset about him taking the cat for a little while.

He sent me a text Sunday morning that said he wasn’t ignoring me he was just super busy, and he hoped I was doing well, and would contact me when he had time. Then later he responded to my email saying he hadn’t seen it when he texted me, and he was sorry. He also said he wasn’t even thinking about getting his cat yet. I think that’s legit that he texted before he saw my email because a liar is one thing that he is not.

His text is confusing to me because I thought for sure that our only and final contact would be 100% related to making arrangements to transfer the cat, but his text seems ambiguous and possibly non-cat related. Why would I think he’s ignoring me NOW, he hasn’t given a sh*t about me for 6 months because he “never had time.” I almost responded to his email/text this morning, and then I thought, “Is he trying to imply that he wants to have a conversation, and hoping that by doing so I’ll wait around while he gets ‘more important’ stuff done first?”

So, I didn’t write back. And then I started to doubt myself, so I decided to see if I could find any insight on your site, and BAM it’s the topic of the day. Perfect timing. When he wants his cat back he can call me. I won’t be responding. Thanks, Chris!

G

March 25, 2014 at 9:45 pm

I’m so tired today, and therefore the amount of caution and caring has dissipated in all areas of my life. Too tired for self-control.

Here’s the problem: he still hasn’t contacted me about the cat, or otherwise. I feel like the fact that I know he HAS to contact me at some point about the cat but I NO IDEA when that could be. Could be in 30 seconds, could be in 2 months. It’s a mental roadblock in my life, whether or not I respond to his messages or initiate contact. a) should I just ask him what he meant b) should I just ask him when he thinks he’ll be in touch?

Does that give him the power or put me below him?
G

March 25, 2014 at 9:47 pm

90% of those aren’t even complete sentences… so tired.

Madea Bill

March 24, 2014 at 1:48 pm

Hi Chris..
I hope this finds you well..
I have a problem, I have tried everything the NC worked very well then we started talking… I had that feeling maybe he was just using me.. Then I did the 7 days no contact.. I don’t know where I made a mistake.. But he suddenly told me that he still have feelings for me and cares about me a lot but it’s so difficult to leave the new girl that they have been dating for only 2 month.. To be honest I felt so down and so used.. How can someone that you dated for over a year say something like this.. So I don’t know what to do now.. I know you have a lot but please find sometime to Atleast guide me on what to do.
Thanks and have a good day.

admin

March 24, 2014 at 6:13 pm

I think its a good thing if he says he still has feelings for you. Nevertheless, if he really felt the way he says he should have no problem leaving the girl.
Madea Bill

March 25, 2014 at 7:05 am

Exactly it shouldn’t be hard for him to leave the other girl like he said.. I have feeling maybe he’s not real or its hard for him to let me go… Should I continue talking to him or I should just ignore him and keep the distance? I don’t want him to think I’m desperate or too available and he can have me as a side chick.. He also said he will understand if I decide to leave him because I don’t deserve him and he doesn’t want to hurt me and lie to me. I love him and I still want him but I don’t know what to do now.
Madea Bill

March 27, 2014 at 1:27 pm

Hi Chris,

How are you?

I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing or no.. I stopped talking to him since Sunday, and he texted me 2 days later saying he miss me but I didn’t reply back and he didn’t check me again.. But surprisingly he still puts the new girls pictures and they still see each other.. I don’t understand him now.. what he really wants.. Should I reply his messages or I should just Ignore him until when he decides to leave the other girl which is I don’t know when..I’m afraid if i keep quiet, he might forget me like he said Ignore him doesn’t help me at all.

Please Help me on what to do now.

Thanks and have a good time.
admin

March 28, 2014 at 12:05 am

I vote ignore him. but its obviously up to you.

Kaitlyn

March 24, 2014 at 4:14 am

I did NC for 30 days, but my ex is just going girl crazy and flirting with every girl he sees. He seems so desperate to just hook up with a bunch of people. We are 20 but were together for 6 years, so I feel like he is trying to catch up on lost time. Help! What do I do?
suba

March 24, 2014 at 12:54 am

Hi chris, I followed the 30 day NC strictly. We started meeting as friends again. However I realised that the ex was using me emotionally because now he only calls me when he has a problem. So I stopped talking to him for 7 days.

Its been about 3 months since we broke up and its tiring because I dont know where I stand with him. Recently I asked him what I should say to other guys should they ask me out. He told me that I should go out with them. then eh sent a message saying we should be friends forever.

Is it time to give up?

admin

March 24, 2014 at 6:03 pm

Give up only if you want. I think you can turn the tables on him and not be used anymore. Of course, if all he ever wants is to use you then I would move on.
suba

March 26, 2014 at 9:49 am

How I was used: He will say that he wants to be together and then he will back out a day later. Its the same with brunch or dinner dates/outings.

His family doesn’t want him dating anyone during undergrad degree because they want him to do some postgrad degree.

Also he went around telling some really nasty things about me during Nc because I didn’t answer any of his texts, messages, emails or calls. So now even his friends dont want us to be together.

He confessed to bitching about me when I asked him why he was so undecided. He said its hard to have a relationship which no one supports. I just accepted it because I believe that that may be a genuine reason.

What else should I do?
admin

March 26, 2014 at 5:45 pm

He seems like a massive commitment phobe.
suba

March 27, 2014 at 3:30 am

I tried checking out how to make someone commit, in both your e books. However I don’t seem to be finding any solutions
suba

March 25, 2014 at 1:25 pm

Hey there Chris. Thank you for your advice. I followed your advice and set boundaries for him today. Is there a danger of being friend zoned? and would you call being friend zoned being used?
admin

March 25, 2014 at 4:49 pm

Yes, if you are friendzoned and he uses you emotionally.
suba

March 24, 2014 at 11:52 am

also can you suggest ways to diffuse the situation if the Ex has bitched about you to everyone around. Getting back can be hard when everyone around thinks i am a bitch and vice versa.

Talia

March 23, 2014 at 11:17 pm

I had been so good. I didn’t talk to my ex for 2 months. He finally texted once late night so he didn’t respond. Then he texted again (also late night) to point out that I never responded. Finally I gave in, but it didn’t seem like much had changed in terms of him wanting to really be with me. So i told him unless he wanted a relationship to please leave me alone and if he ever cared, he would. He said he cared and would leave me alone. He did not. The next night he texted and he was saying how it hasn’t been easy for him either, he really wanted to see me and insisted on coming over. We had amazing sex, he cuddled all night but in the morning he said he was sorry and would delete my number. I let him see me cry. Later i got drunk and sent him manic texts ranging from “i hate you” to “why can’t we work this out.” I’m so embarrassed, i’ve never been that girl.

Did he really just want to sleep with me one more time? Should I start NC again? Is there any hope? Please help!!!

admin

March 24, 2014 at 5:53 pm

Have you read my guide on how men use women sometimes? You might find it helpful to figure out if you were being used or not.

Domi

March 23, 2014 at 9:08 pm

Hi Chris, I’m waiting for c.d.n of your article as I have found very interesting aspects of man’s life and their point of view. I took “this” off the table and my bf broke up with me after 6 months. I have enjoyed my full 30-days -NC.
Best wishes from Europe.

admin

March 24, 2014 at 5:45 pm

C.D. N. ???

What do you mean?

Lisa Please help

March 22, 2014 at 6:56 pm

Me n my boyfriend been off n on for a year because of the same reason i keep accusing him of cheating with no proof n he said he getting tried of that n he said other mean things too i love him n i know he love me is it still possible to get him back with the no contact rule n plus i am pregnant with his baby 6 months i love him can i get him back please help me????? N i text him last n he didn’t text i said i am sorry for accusing u of cheating its only been 2 days but i miss him

admin

March 23, 2014 at 4:43 pm

What made you think he cheated?

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349 thoughts on “How To Know If Your Ex Boyfriend Is Using You”