Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
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Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
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Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
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How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
What Is An Avoidants Biggest Fear?
Post categories
Annie
March 20, 2014 at 11:45 am
Hi Chris,
What if I tell him I will have something up and will not contact him for a while. Is it still considered as NC?
Cause I found it’s rude to just stop talking to him without any notice since there’s no serious arguement between us yet.
Thanks
Carly
March 19, 2014 at 1:20 am
Hey, Chris!
Your articles have given me a lot of insightful advice, and I’m always excited to see when you’ve written a new one. However, I don’t think you’ve ever written about ex-boyfriends who are “wishy-washy,” or constantly change their feelings.
In my situation, I was dating a teenage boy for almost 2 years. We broke up for the first time a bit over 2 months ago. But in that amount of time, he’s constantly changed his mind and is basically putting us both in an emotional roller coaster.
This sort of topic probably has a lot of facets and conditions, so I think it would be very informative to a lot of people if you wrote an article about it!
Thanks in advance :+)
admin
March 20, 2014 at 6:18 pm
Whats the age difference between the two of you?
Carly
March 23, 2014 at 5:21 pm
We’re both 17. I don’t know if it matters whether or not we’re teenagers, but like I said he’s really “wishy-washy.”
louisa
March 17, 2014 at 5:54 pm
hi Chris, I have found your website so helpful, easy to understand and you talk an awful lot of sense. This page has especially been helpful the last week. By ex and I have been split up for two months (his doing). Anyway, after doing no contact for a week he phones and tells me not to contact him. Okay… I wasn’t. Last week, after another week of no contact, he calls randomly to tell me he is dying of cancer, misses and still loves me. Of course, I instantly text him over a couple of days to find out how he his etc. only for him to tell me it’s only a skin thing and doesn’t even know he has cancer and again wants nothing more to do me. Emotionally using me to make him feel better. Your page has taught me that. Thanks
kristina
March 16, 2014 at 3:18 pm
Been broken up since October, did the no contact rule, moved on some. Been dating, actually enjoying the company of another guy. Still love my ex, but he is in a relationship. Receive the random text from him here or there. Some emails, all trying to be that funny witty guy I used to know, but no commitment. If I respond, and it gets to personal he pulls back, so I really respond very generically. I know he follows my Facebook religiously. A couple weeks ago I posted something about a friend of mine and who she is dating. My ex read it an made an assumption that it was about me and someone I am dating. he then sent me this long text about how he has to stop texting me because he read my facebook and now he thinks he knows who I am dating (obviously he was wrong) and he said “it made me feel very strange and i have to back away from you and all of this” my response was, “I thought that is what we have done, and what the hell are you talking about?” We then got into what could be considered a discussion on how I was forced to move on and I have. it was terribly strange and somewhat unsettling because I feel like while I am trying to move on without him, he is now having all those second thoughts and is trying to drag me in. Then he feels guilty and pulls back again. We have texted a few times since, mostly just to update the other on something important that has been going on. Very light texts, with a little joking. nothing serious.
I don’t know what to do. Just let it all go, go back into no contact and forget him? Or to reach out to him some because I believe he has strong feelings still. We were together for 5 years before we broke up, were planning on getting married, etc… Then it all kind of imploded one day last October.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Olivia
March 16, 2014 at 1:26 pm
I ended things with my ex a few months ago as he wouldn’t commit, wanted to see other people – seemed to want the “girlfriend experience” with me without actually having a girlfriend.
I actually went about 60 days NC, and contacted him after that to say happy birthday. He then kept texting me, asking questions about how I was and wanting to know what I’d been up to etc. I ended the conversation after a few texts.
About a week later, he texted me and after sending a couple of flirty messages he propositioned me. I didn’t respond, and he apologised but said it was great to hear from me and asked to keep in touch.
I don’t know where to go from here – I think in his mind our relationship was primarily sexual and I believe at this point he’s just not emotionally available.
It’s been a couple of weeks since the last contact, but I don’t know if it’s better to just leave it for a while or whether to try texting him again. If he’s not open to a relationship, is texting him really going to change that?
It hurts me to be in contact with him, but it hurts not being in contact with him. I don’t know what to do.
admin
March 20, 2014 at 6:27 pm
I say just keep trying to advance things. But be careful of being used.
Dina
March 16, 2014 at 9:45 am
Hi chris. I hope you are fine…Just wanted to get some opinions on this.
I went on NC for a full 30 days. today is the last day 🙂
I thought I would forget many things… but I think about my ex everyday and I miss him so much, He didn’t text or call. he seems really distant.our mutual friend told me when they were saying something about me he just asked: how is she? is she ok? that was all.
thursday is our new year.(nowroz)
I think I should wait more. maybe he will call or text me for the new year.
he seems really happy without me. (knowing from fb)
I think when a guy doesn’t reach out to a girl for a full month, it means he honestly just doesn’t care. What do you think? If he won’t text me for nowroz should I text him and say happy new year. what do you suggest?
k94
March 19, 2014 at 8:26 am
I know im not Chris but I think yes!
You have nothing to lose.
Maybe text him that with a little memory.
“Happy new year! Remember last year when we…thinking about that makes laugh, it was such a good night.”
Or…because he might be busy so it might not be a good time to send a text like that and you could see if he texts you on the night first, you can message him in the morning.
Best of luck. But if he’s been asking about you he’s either really polite or still thinks about you. Which is a good sign I think 🙂
Best of luck with whatever happens
Dina
March 16, 2014 at 7:20 pm
chris please help… I can’t leave a day without him but I am still afraid to contact him :'(
oh my god… I will die if he would not text me back
Susanne
March 14, 2014 at 12:29 am
I went a full 30 days without texting him and today was the day I did. He has a girlfriend.. he seemed really sad and upset I ignored him for a month but it really feels like he moved on… His girlfriend seems just as in love with him as I am. She’s really nice and I can’t imagine trying to take him back like that. Did the NC not work?? 🙁
Domi
March 23, 2014 at 9:14 pm
Hi Susanne,
Have you read about rebound relationship on Chris website? Take care.
Kanne
March 13, 2014 at 5:47 pm
Let me start by thanking you for this site. It is much more helpful than just trying to get your ex boyfriend back. It is an outlet for woman all in the same position. Some should pursue their ex others may have a chance and the rest of us should run( fast) in the other direction and let go. Though nothing happened between my ex and I to realize after re- reading our conversations, it hit me like a ton of bricks- he is NEVER going to change. He is not the guy I met who moved mountains chasing me and telling me how lucky he felt to have me. I don’t hear from him unless I text him. I became that desperate pathetic girl. As you mention in this post, I wasted valuable time on the wrong guy. I should have been more focused on my career having fun and enjoying my time with my friends and feeling excited to bump into mr right. I know I will meet him ! As many have unsuccessfully told me over time, the right one will chase you like my ex did when he was interested. Now he is self absorbed and not ready for anything serious. I worth so much more and will get that. I will find the one who compliments me as I will compliment him. So, Chris, thank you for helping to open my eyes and know that it is time for me to move forward utilizing my valuable time more wisely towards those who count in my life. I am sure that is what Chris has been trying to tell most of us.
Thank you.
Em
March 11, 2014 at 10:59 pm
Yay so my ex called and we organised a meet up (not date!!) 🙂
Anyway he said that he wasn’t totally sure it was a good idea because he’s worried about leading me on. I downplayed it all and said it’s just a drink to catch up and I’m not expecting anything more, who knows maybe I might lead him on hehe etc.
Obviously I need to reflect what I said in my actions when I see him. I’m just going to go, keep it casual, make sure I end the evening first and that we have a whole lot of fun! No relationship talk etc either. Anything else I should do to make sure he doesn’t feel like I’m all hung up on him?
It’s so annoying that he thinks that…like he has all the power!!
Jessica
March 11, 2014 at 8:39 pm
HI CHRIS. I have a question my ex boyfriend and I broke up like 8 months ago and 10 day later he has a new girlfriend. But anyways we are co workers but lately he has been staring at me with no expression at all he won’t smile or talk to me. I would even stare at him the same way like he does but nothing. So I’m really confused. Can you please help me out to know what he might b thinking cuz I don’t know if that’s normal.
Kate
March 11, 2014 at 7:32 pm
hey Chris.
I’m in a confusing situation. for awhile my ex and I were talking every day, he was super sweet and attentive, and he was the one who initiated contact each time. now he still initiates frequently, but doesn’t pay much attention to me during our conversations. I hate being ignored, like all girls. I started going into a 7 day NC period, and it worked to an extent, (he messaged me a lot) but I cut it short because he started sending messages indicating that he was irritated that I wasn’t responding. I eventually answered and he asked where I had been… I tried to answer casually, but he seemed annoyed. did NC backfire?
I’m totally unsure of where to go from here, but I’m not going to chase him, so I’m doing nothing for the moment.
thanks!!!
k94
March 15, 2014 at 10:54 am
My ex did that too! He didn’t seem to really be that interested in talking when we were…I went on NC for a full 30 days..suipposidly he tried to contact me 5 times during.
And now he STILL uses the fact that I didn’t talk to him and that I ignored him for a month against me. He was pretty angry about it.
But I mean, they break up with us…make an effort when it’s convenient for them and then moan when he do our own thing… Obviously the NC worked if they’re that upset over it. Probably get scared and defensive because they’ve lost control over us…? Maybe.
Kate
March 16, 2014 at 12:42 am
omg, I’m totally sympathetic. that seems so silly that he wouldn’t participate much in your conversations but got mad when you did NC for awhile!!! I’m on day 6 right now, and since I’m not sure what else to do, I’m going to stick with it. I think you’re right that they want to be in control of this entire process… but so do we 🙂
k94
March 19, 2014 at 8:19 am
Exactly. Its a power struggle!
I hope you stay strong and everything works out the way you want 🙂
Maria
March 11, 2014 at 4:15 am
Hey Chris,
Great article! My ex boyfriend broke up with me last May, and I have tried unsuccessfully to get him back multiple times. For the last almost 2 months I have not had any contact with him nor have I seen him. I did not try and the last time he did was early January when my grandmother passed away. As I was sitting tonight watching the Bachelor finale (my life is pathetic I know haha) HE texted me “Hey long time no talk how are you doing?” I didn’t answer because I didn’t want to seem readily available. I am trying to decide if I should answer him in the morning. I want him to realize I am not just waiting around for him and I have moved on with my life (although inside I would like to get back together). I am trying to be the “ungettable girl” you described but I am not sure if the best way to do that is to not answer at all???? If you could give me your opinion on how best to respond/not respond I would be so appreciative!! I feel like this is an important scenario that I don’t want to handle incorrectly, so I figured I would consult a pro 🙂
Thanks!!!!
admin
March 11, 2014 at 4:51 pm
The bachelor huh?
I watched an episode this season and sized that guy up as an idiot… finally women are starting to see it.
Are you friends with him on Facebook? Sometimes showing him you have moved on with your life can be done indirectly through there.
Maria
March 12, 2014 at 2:36 am
Thanks so much for the reply!!
Yes I am friends with him on Facebook. I have been adding a lot of pictures lately, been pretty busy so it is possible he may have noticed, however, he is not a major Facebook user. I did not answer his text message- because I did not want him to have the satisfaction of thinking I’m available whenever he decides he wants to talk to me. I am not sure how I feel about this decision, I went back and forth. Do you think this course of action was appropriate?
Thank you so so much!
nj
March 11, 2014 at 2:09 am
Hi Chris:
Sorry, I post this comment again, I know you are busy with replying all the comments regarding different articles, but I really want to hear your point of view which means lot to me , So i try to make this short, I followed all you articles strategy to text with my ex, cause we are LDR,things was even getting better last week, he first initiated the contact with me from the first time,(before always me initiate the text and sometimes it took longer for him to reply my text ), and responded positivly,right at yesterday after I sent text to him to bring up the good time memory, I mentioned that I miss the time we watch movie together, till now I havent heard from him, I really confused about his signals, he even replied my Valentine day text, and now, no reply again? what do you think Chris?what can I do about it? there are times hed been delay reply my text for two days,when he finally replied, he said he was super super Busy, this time, I really dont know how to read it, your comments will be very helpful, appreciate it!
Bsrgs
NJ
admin
March 11, 2014 at 4:49 pm
He may be playing hard to get or he may just simply not think you are interesting enough to respond to.
How interesting are the topics that you decide to talk about?
nj
March 11, 2014 at 5:32 pm
I just said like this: American hustle also has the guy who played in Hensel and Gretal which remind me the movie we watched together at your reading room sofa, and you fall asleep in the Middle, slept like a baby, that moment was very sweet, I really miss the time we watch movie together /:,@-D
nj
March 12, 2014 at 1:18 am
Updated he replied me finally, but didnt say anything regarding the miss u text, instead he said something about a funny video I sent to him.
Sofia
March 10, 2014 at 10:16 pm
after reading the whole article I keep thinking about the phrase “I can’t be with you….. right now”,
do you think the phrase: “right now my heart is all for someone else” (which is what he told me) has the same intention? to keep a door open?
admin
March 11, 2014 at 4:41 pm
YESSS!!!!
I maybe should have mentioned that the “I can’t be with you… right now.” can have many variations. Really what I was trying to get at was the idea behind it.
Sofia
March 10, 2014 at 6:38 pm
I need the male perspective, question: what is worse: when a guy ignores his ex, doesn’t reply like she doesn’t exist, OR, when he replies in a bad way (insults, etc), but replies after all?
admin
March 11, 2014 at 4:33 pm
Ignoring.
nj
March 9, 2014 at 4:42 pm
Hi Chris:
So glad finally you made a article about this,big thanks to you,I followed all you articles strategy to text with my ex, cause we are LDR,things was even getting better last week, he first initiated the contact with me from the first time,(before always me initiate the text and sometimes it took longer for him to reply my text ), and responded positivly,right at yesterday after I sent text to him to bring up the good time memory, I mentioned that I miss the time we watch movie together, till now I havent heard from him, I really confused about his signals, he even replied my Valentine day text, and now, no reply again? what do you think Chris?what can I do about it? there are times hed been delay reply my text for two days,when he finally replied, he said he was super super Busy, this time, I really dont know how to read it, your comments will be very helpful, appreciate it!
Bsrgs
NJ
Taryn
March 11, 2014 at 4:02 pm
Hi!
Most of the time if a guy says he’s busy, then he is. Don’t worry. What I normally do is try not to bombard him with texts in that case. If he doesn’t respond, leave it at that for a week. Then try again. Men love it when we are understanding. So if you can give him that week of space, he might appreciate it :]
Roxanne
March 9, 2014 at 6:48 am
My partner and I were together for 4 years, I have a 4 year old daughter that he loves dearly and he raised her form 6 months old. We were happy about ur new pregnancy but the past two weeks he just walked out saying he doesn’t love or wanna be with me anymore, he doesn’t talk to me he did it all by text messages. The day that he left he went to work and never come home I just didn’t see it coming as he told me he loves me every day..
I found out that he’s seeing someone from work since he break up two weeks ago and he’s in love with her. I manage to contact her and she didn’t know I was pregnant ect.. My ex has been telling her and his family a total different story because he’s desperately trying to impress this girl.. Who also has a daughter!! He has since ring me to talk but u knew he only did it to please the girl as he wants her so bad. But now she knows the whole story I think she’s a bit skeptical about what he’s doing. He since change his number so I can’t contact him anymore.. And the new girl said don’t you think it’s a bit drastic.. Don’t you think you try and work things out.. If someone cuts me out I don’t know what I would do.. To which he replied you seen all the text she sent me .. I rather turned gay before getting back with her. I haven’t done anything wrong my ex is just desperate to be with the girl he left me for and I don’t think it’s going to work out because it all started on lies. I need some advice.. I still love my ex ??
admin
March 10, 2014 at 5:37 pm
Do you think he has always wanted this other girl while you two were together?
Melissa
March 8, 2014 at 7:06 pm
My boyfriend and I had a huge fight the day before valentine and i said some pretty hurtful things to him..after that day he never contacted me so after 3 days I did and apologised for what i said and pretty much begged for us to try again..He said that he doesn’t know and that he’s tired and not a fighter..after several days of not talking I messaged him and we have a brief convo and during that time i was out having a few drinks and my emotions were all over the place(pathetic I know) and I told him I missed Him and all he said as “k” and then I said I love you and he said he doesn’t have none for me..hurt as hell I was ti be told that so I stopped texting him and wasn’t planning to..However a few says ago I was nearly robbed of my phone (which he give me for my birthday), so i texted him and told him about the order without much emotions just as it happened..he told me that I should be careful for which I know I had to. Anyways, the next day I texted him and asked If our relationship is really over and he said “guess so” and i said ok..oh and during the fighting he had told me to throw away his chain (which is one of his chain that he gave to me when we first met) and during the fight I told him I did out of anger but i didn’t. So I told him that I didn’t throw his chain away and that I would send it to him..after that he told me that we can still talk and I said ok…Now he texts and asks how I am doing or what’s up..I just answered short and simple and that’s about it, it doesn’t much go from there…Honestly i want him back (hence i’m on this site)but at the same time I don’t want to be used for his emotional boost and waste my time…your advice would be very much appreciated
Taryn
March 11, 2014 at 3:58 pm
Hey girl 😀
If you don’t want to be used, then do the 30 days of NC. Like Chris talks about in pretty much all of his articles. Because guys are completely capable a keeping a girl on a string. And you don’t want that. Follow Chris’s advice. Read the articles. Read the e-book and keep calm, love.
:]
Melissa
March 12, 2014 at 6:15 pm
Thanks Taryn…nice name btw 🙂
Taryn
March 16, 2014 at 9:43 pm
You’re welcome 😀 And thank you!
Annie
March 8, 2014 at 3:55 pm
ooh I love this guide Chris!!! just exactly what I need now.
I do feel being emotionally used by my ex, I thought that we already got back together… what a shame!
He still keep telling me that he loves me, but deep inside I still feel something lacking between us. We still talking everyday about everything, and I’m thinking i’m getting clingy on him while he doesn’t pay much attention to me and I hate it.
I want to start one week NC, but I and him still talking everyday, no fight or arguement (even though I really want to burst a fight to make everything clear, but I think I shouldn’t). So is it ok to just stop talking? or any other way to start it?
How should I start talking back to him after a week?
Thank you !!
admin
March 8, 2014 at 7:25 pm
Keep things light. And follow what I said in the guide with the compliments. Make him earn your compliments.
Annie
March 11, 2014 at 4:36 pm
So should I still need to do 1 week NC?
IT8896
March 8, 2014 at 1:19 pm
Really good guide! But I have a question. Is it possible that an ex could be using the girl whether emotionally or physically, unconciously? As in its not a concious decision of his to take advantage of her? Because as true as this guide is, a girl has to wonder, is there a difference between an ex who purposely and conciously decides to use you, and one who may not realize he’s doing it? Is this a possibility? Or do all guys in this circumstance use girls like this, premeditatedly?
admin
March 8, 2014 at 7:24 pm
I think maybe thats a possbility for the emotional stuff but the physical stuff I don’t buy. You know what you are doing when you sleep with someone. You know.