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349 thoughts on “How To Know If Your Ex Boyfriend Is Using You”

  1. cat

    March 7, 2014 at 9:55 pm

    so i feel like my ex pretty much used me for sex during the time we were going out this is because when we started going out he made it clear he felt like hw as ready to have sex and i agreed like at that age now where you think your emotionally ready but i didnt want to straight away like he did but we did anyways cause i thought well alright.. and then pretty much straight after he dumped me though he said oh i would never be one of those guys that uses you for sex.. and he said when he broke up with me that he didnt use me for sex and didnt want me to think that cause he ‘didnt’ (month and a halfish) i posted on your last guide too if you dont remember me haha. Anyways well yeah its been 40 days been in no contact though broke up in december and this was the first time i properly went into no contact with him and he still hasnt contacted me at all… funny thing is i went to his school the other day cause i have a lot of friends that go to that school (friends i made way before meeting him anyways, met him through those friends) and i actually met one of his ‘aqqauntinces’ i guess you could say who knows about me obviously and yeah he definitely recognized me when he saw me so i think he will probably tell my ex about this.. Anyways uh idk what to do now!?! i do want him back chris ๐Ÿ™ but i just dont know how to talk to him cause hes not a ‘man’ hes just a young adult.. and you know that young guys will let their ego get in the way of getting a girl back.. idk if he wants me back but im sure he hasnt had much contact with girls at all over the time we broke up.. (and i kind of know this cause friends from his school etc lol) anyways like when we were together before we ‘got physical’ he told me when i first met you i just had this feeling you were the one for me and you were the girl ‘you were the one’ but obviously not… Frick haha im just so confused what he is even feeling towards me if he even cares or thinks about me or regrets any of this D: please please help chris!

    1. admin

      March 8, 2014 at 7:07 pm

      Be patient and communicate effectively. Just be blunt with him if you are worried about him getting his ego in the way.

  2. Dina

    March 7, 2014 at 7:46 pm

    Hi Chris. thank you for the new guide. I really enjoyed it specially the jelly beans

    1. admin

      March 8, 2014 at 6:56 pm

      You are very welcome!!!!

  3. Cathy

    March 7, 2014 at 3:45 pm

    Hey ! Chris ! I want to thank you for this incredible website. I come here to check everyday if u have a new guide. Sometimes after i read your guide i feel so much stronger. But I really dont think I cant get my ex back .anymore . He told me he doesnt want to see me ๐Ÿ™

    1. admin

      March 7, 2014 at 7:07 pm

      How long ago did you two break up?

    2. Cathy

      March 8, 2014 at 9:06 am

      We broke up in December . But we still keep in touch.

    3. Cathy

      March 12, 2014 at 10:29 am

      U r not replying me ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Eri

    March 7, 2014 at 9:06 am

    Hi again chris, hope you are doing well.
    I think i am used by my ex.
    We have been fwb..but we actually slept together once and we cuddled and kissed and everything!
    I talked to him once and told him that i’m upset that we don’t get to hang out and in many occasions like my surprise bd party he didn’t show up (he said he feels awkward around my family because what we do) and then he decided that we should stop what we’re doing to concentrate on our friendship and see how it goes!
    Since then he’s acting weird and distant! When we text he ignores me and disappears there is something so weird about him
    I’m now applying the NC rule but for 2 weeks!
    Is he really using me or he’s trying to fight not falling in love again with me..or is there some other girl (please don’t say yes to that)
    What should i do!

    1. admin

      March 7, 2014 at 7:02 pm

      Definitely using you in my opinion.

    2. Eri

      March 8, 2014 at 6:53 am

      I don’t get it!..then y did HE ask to stop?!

  5. Em

    March 7, 2014 at 4:16 am

    PS this guide is amazing! Makes me feel more like the ungettable girl I should be so thanks a MILLION!!!

    Also had a full on break through today. I finally get the focus on me and not him thing. Everytime I catch myself getting anxious, obsessive and sad I make myself think of something I enjoy or am passionate about and I feel soooooo much better. It was uncomfortable at first because it totally makes me care less about him…something I haven’t been used to for awhile but am now LOVING!

    No one wants an anxious, obsessive or sad person. I am better than that and so is everyone here! Just takes a bit of mental discipline but it’s the only way to get him back (or find someone better!!)

    1. admin

      March 7, 2014 at 7:05 am

      Mental discipline that is 100% correct. It’s not easy not thinking so much about an ex is it?

    2. Em

      March 7, 2014 at 10:14 am

      No it’s not at all! But the only way to get him back is to stop thinking about him so that’s what I’m doing…although I want to do it for myself even more ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. Halle

    March 6, 2014 at 9:19 pm

    I was really good about NC and made it 30 days. I was feeling better, so decided to keep it going. I hadn’t heard from him at all in almost 2 months. So at like 2 am on Tuesday (Fat Tuesday) I get a text saying “how are you?” Does that even count as contact? I did not respond…

    1. admin

      March 7, 2014 at 7:00 am

      ya that counts.

    2. Halle

      March 10, 2014 at 6:50 pm

      He texted again late the other night saying “you never responded.” Should i respond? I feel like if he really wanted to know how i was he would ask in the sober light of day right?

  7. Megan

    March 6, 2014 at 9:04 pm

    Hey Chris!

    Thanks a lot for this site. It helps me get through.
    I broke up with my bf 4 months ago after 5 years relationship, it was a decision from both of us. We were on speaking terms and actually having fun together as `just friendsยด and we also have a lot of mutual friends so we saw each other often. We became friends with benefits, but in fact he was the one ending it. He says he has too much respect for me to just “use” me for sex.
    Meanwhile, my feelings were triggered and he kept pushing my buttons until I confessed anything. That I wanted him back.
    There were moments I thought I was convincing him to give me another chance, but all of a sudden he blocks me out and saying that he just can’t do it.

    He spoke about it with my best friend (who is also his best friend) saying that he’s confused and he doesn’t want to get back together, but still misses me. He has no hope in our relationship, since we always had fights. Still I know I can change. It was pretty much all me.
    I already started NC, which is now 2 days. One thing I was really surprised about was that he expected me to still go to a party where we’re both invited and where we previously agreed to sleep (really, sleep) together. He was indignant that I wouldn’t go.

    Please give me some advice. What do I need to do?

    1. admin

      March 7, 2014 at 7:00 am

      Well, right now you are doing what your supposed to be doing, NC!

    2. Megan

      March 7, 2014 at 9:24 am

      Hey Chris!

      Thanks for answering.
      The thing is that I heard from my best friend that he is also NCยดing me.
      Does that make any difference? I don’t notice anything is on his mind regarding me, while before he tweeted everything about his feelings. Now it’s just nothing.
      I’m afraid that’s where we are headed. Nothing. I will not break NC but I don’t know if I even have a chance with him…

    3. admin

      March 7, 2014 at 7:01 pm

      Well, after NC is over it is preferred that you break the communication barrier first.

  8. Em

    March 6, 2014 at 7:23 pm

    If you’re starting to feel like you’re chasing them it’d be time for few days of no contact right?

    I asked him to meet up. Phone call was ok (made normal conversation and I ended it). Asked him to meet up sometime next week. He sounded keen and happy to talk to me but wouldn’t commit to a day because he needed to check his calendar (never heard that before from him!) and would let me know. I feel like I need to give him space now? Would you agree?

    1. admin

      March 6, 2014 at 8:24 pm

      You might want to back off a little bit. You can refer to that push/pull method. The more you push the more they pull away. You have to find that delicate balance.
      You get the idea.

  9. abby

    March 6, 2014 at 5:07 pm

    i was crying watching the jelly beans.. thank you, chris.. ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. admin

      March 6, 2014 at 8:22 pm

      Sorry… I didn’t mean to make you cry.

  10. Anne

    March 6, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    So this came a the perfect time for me.

    I did NC, we started talking again, even went on a couple dates, and then he started being a dick, blew me off, ignored phone calls and so I cut him off and when we chatted again. He assumed I would “come over”… We hadn’t been sexual other then a couple kissess, so I don’t even know why he thought he could put that on the table. especially after treating me badly. I confronted him about it. Point blank, no emotions…
    I said you know you texted me and I responded, don’t you think it is a little rude to leave someone hanging? he has his multitude of excuses, I roll my eyes and am like you know these games are silly, also blowing someone off is not very nice, dating or other wise, he says to me. Oh I didn’t think it was a big deal. (clearly he thinks he is more important then me) so after I told him that it wasn’t ok with me and he just shrugged. I said you know what how about you just stop wasting my time, and walked away. And I meant it. So now it has been 8 days, haven’t contacted or saw him and he has not tried to contact me. I don’t think I should reach out at this point, but I would love to hear what you think I should do? Or maybe it is time to just walk away. Thanks

    1. admin

      March 6, 2014 at 8:27 pm

      Don’t reach out for a while. But when you do things have to change. You can’t keep being used like this its not fair to you.

    2. Anne

      March 14, 2014 at 12:23 pm

      So it has been 16 days, I haven’t initiated anything. I have even gone on a date with someone else. So now I ask, do you think I should try and talk to him, what do you suggest I open with? or and please be honest, do you think i should just walk away?

  11. k94

    March 6, 2014 at 11:36 am

    What an assumption. Pfff.

    I actually DID watch the jelly bean video.


    1. admin

      March 6, 2014 at 8:22 pm

      Hahahhaha admit it you laughed when you read that.

    2. k94

      March 6, 2014 at 8:58 pm

      I’ll admit to a grin. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    3. admin

      March 7, 2014 at 6:52 am

      I will take a grin!!!!

  12. R

    March 6, 2014 at 10:09 am

    Well…..basically he admitted to still being emotionally dependent on me. And he has another girl too, doesn’t matter whether they’re officially together or not. He does compliment me, though I wasn’t fishing for one. I guess he was. -.- So I guess that means he’s using me emotionally!? Oh hell no. I’m definitely implementing that one week NC immediately.

    But after one week………do I text him first or wait for his text?

    1. R

      March 6, 2014 at 10:17 am

      Oh wait. Does it matter if he has another girl in this situation? Omgggggg been reading all your articles more than twice over and over again……and I wish applying it to my situation was as easy as you had laid it out.

    2. admin

      March 6, 2014 at 8:23 pm

      I think it can matter yes… If another girl isn’t giving him something he needs he may look to you to get it.

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