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349 thoughts on “How To Know If Your Ex Boyfriend Is Using You”

  1. Jade

    March 5, 2016 at 4:20 am

    Hi so regarding the 1 week no contact rule, if I was to make it 2 weeks would that be ok? I just feel like 1 week has gone by so fast already.

    1. Jade

      March 5, 2016 at 4:32 am

      Also, I am having a hard time dealing with making the first contact/text after this no contact. I guess a part of me is prideful and another part is scared he won’t respond and then I will feel even worse.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 5, 2016 at 10:33 am

      It’s okay Jade, take your time..do it when you’re comfortable

  2. Teya

    March 4, 2016 at 2:26 am

    Hi ok so I am doing the one week of no contact again (it will be a week tomorrow) but I’m not sure if I want to text first because I am so angry right now and if he does text I don’t think I would respond nicely and would that be a mistake? Is it better to play it cool and pretend I’m happy? Thanks 🙂

  3. ANON

    December 23, 2015 at 7:24 pm

    Sorry, just one addition to my earlier comment:

    In the past he has also said things such as “I haven’t been happy for a long time, I should have broken up with you a long time ago, I don’t think I want to be with you again for a very long time”. I think the main reason for the break up, and his subsequent disheartening statements, was that he became fundamentally unhappy with his own life, which led to a lack of effort being put into our relationship, which, in turn, led to me constantly being unhappy as well. We fought all the time, and I always asked him for more time, better dates, which were things that he just couldn’t give me with all the stress and other problems in his life. I was selfish and I didn’t see that. Even before we started having those problems, he was the most loving, faithful, and honest boyfriend I could ask for. He did so much for me, and he showed me so much love, but I realize now that I really didn’t show him the appreciation he needed. He lost any reason to put effort into making me happy, because I was no longer making him feel rewarded. This definitely exacerbated all the other reasons for his unhappiness. I regret my actions, but I have accepted my mistake and I am willing to change.

  4. ANON

    December 23, 2015 at 6:42 pm

    Hi Chris, I took your advice and told my ex that I would no longer be intimate with him. We have been dating for about 3 and a half years, and we broke up about two months ago. It might also help to know that we are still in high school, and that several factors (money troubles, grades, family issues, medications) are currently making him very unhappy and depressed. When we first broke up, he said he still loved me and wanted to get back together eventually, he just didn’t know when (HA I know).

    After this point I will admit to becoming a texting and calling gnat, which led him to become very angry. Eventually he began ignoring and avoiding me. At one point he told me that he had no romantic feelings for me, which was of course very upsetting. However he ended up spending the day with me (no intimacy) and before he took me home he amended his statement, saying that he did have feelings, but he didn’t want to. As time went on, he began doing me more favors, driving me places, taking me out for lunch, even hanging out just as friends, etc. Whenever we say goodbye he always hugs me tightly, kisses me on the forehead, the cheek, or occasionally the mouth, very passionately (without me instigating it). These goodbyes have been consistent, however his other behaviours have not. For example while driving me somewhere he would act extremely distant, but then warm up suddenly when it was time for me to leave, and say goodbye the usual way. Every time we were intimate together, he would always assure me that I he didn’t want to use me, and that intimacy between the two of us really did mean something to him. He would always kiss and cuddle me for the rest of the day, and seemed much more like his regular happy self. But, the pattern has always been that after this, he would be very kind to me for a few days afterwards, and then suddenly become distant for about a week. Not mean, mind you. He would never ignore me or blow me off, and his goodbyes remained the same. Just, distant. Then in the following week he would be nice again, and the cycle would repeat. When I’ve confronted him about this, he has actually said that he wished he hadn’t been physical with me, because it changes the way he feels. Whatever that means. But I must stress that he has never pressured me for intimacy and has always backed off at any sign of reluctance on my part.

    Last week, he apologized for his hot and cold behaviour, told me he missed me, and that his anger and going out every night after the break up was his way of lashing out at me. He said that he realized he actually doesn’t mind being around me, and said that he is ready to stop being so standoffish. The same day he began hugging me very tightly, not sexually, and was almost in tears at other parts of the day. I could tell he was hugging me because he needed it, with all of the troubles going on in his life. I don’t doubt that his feelings were real, however I have doubts about his words, because he said them when he was clearly in the mood for sex. He again made it clear that he didn’t want to complicate things, but I can’t help but wonder whether the things he says really are just for his own benefit. To his credit, he did spend the day with me again afterwards, and was very happy and kind to me. Before I left, he was again crying, and me being such a softie, I told him I loved him, and he reciprocated. The next day he actually came to my class to see me at school. (While he has never blown me off when I’ve approached him, he has also never actually come to seek me out). He did not want anything, he simply walked me out, kissed me on the forehead, and went on his way. The next day he was more distant, but he walked me to class when I bumped into him in the hallway, offered to give me a ride home, and kissed me very passionately on the mouth before I left.

    As you might imagine, I am very confused about what to think, and as a result I sent him a text message informing him that I would not be physical with him again. I said that I wasn’t forgetting about him, but that I needed to move on because I felt as though being intimate together meant more to me than it did to him. He did not become upset, he simply said that he understood, and that he wanted me to do whatever I needed to do for myself. He also said that he was trying to heal and improve his life as well, but that he wasn’t forgetting about me either. In your article, you wrote that most men would become angry, so I am wondering what this could mean? (By the way, he has assured me that there are no other girls in the picture, that he is not trying to move on from me, he is only trying to fix his life and figure out where he wants to go. He does not yet have a clear career goal and isn’t doing the best in school. So I do not believe he left me for someone else. He even said he would tell me if he was, and that he would keep it low key, if it ever happened, out of respect for me. And he actually did come to me and let me know when he began talking to a new girl, so I am fairly sure he means that. Thus far he has told me that she is just a friend, nothing more, that he doesn’t like her, etc. This was a very long time ago in any case, and nothing new has developed).

    Very sorry for the novel but I would appreciate even a short answer to my question!

  5. Tawnia

    December 7, 2015 at 10:22 pm

    He 40 now, he was born and raised in Wa. came to my state to be with me, 5 years we been together. One year out of the 5 , we where phone friends.

  6. Tawnia

    December 7, 2015 at 3:01 pm

    I been with this man for 5 years. He moved to where I live from a different state to be with me. He broke up with me just 2 months ago on the Holidays. So it very hard to deal with right now, I had the FWB (sex part only) for the 1st time last night. Feel like a Slut. He says do not call or text till he will get in touch with me. Cause the girl he with, does not trust him not to go back to me. I love him a lot and he says he cares for me he just wants to see where this other relationship goes. Cause are relationship went bad. HELP! WHAT SHOULD I DO? Reason why I ask is that I love him and he cares for me even now when I have my sizures (I am disabled) I do not want to be alone.

    1. Tawnia

      December 10, 2015 at 8:27 am

      He called to night, I told him I could not do the FWB thing, it not me. Then he wanted to go to bed, cause he had to work early, did not want to talk any more. Even though I said I needed to get things off my chest, he said he new it all, cause I have written to him ,pleaded to him, over and over again. I wrote to him for the last time to night. I read the no contact rule. It make me feel good and I hope he calms down and talks to me again , like a girl friend. He cheated on me, and he with girl now, him wanting FWB already, seems to me he wants me. Said that to him tonight too. Has not blocked me on any thing, we are gamers, so we have each other on friends list in are games. He has not removed me, what that mean? How should I look at this? Should I think of my self as the back up gal? HELP ME please!

    2. Tawnia

      December 9, 2015 at 5:45 pm

      My ex is 40 years old he came from another state to my state. To live with me.

    3. Tawnia

      December 7, 2015 at 10:31 pm

      Met him on WoW=World of Warcraft…….thought it stupid, we talked to each other every day. When we had to go out we call each other that night.

    4. Tawnia

      December 7, 2015 at 10:27 pm

      He 40 now, he was born and raised in Wa. came to my state to be with me, 5 years we been together. One year out of the 5 , we where phone friends.

    5. Chris Seiter

      December 7, 2015 at 3:32 pm

      How long were you together in the new state? Rather how long was he with you when he moved to a new state with you?

  7. Cali

    November 19, 2015 at 10:48 pm

    Hey Chris,
    I just read your article and I must say… you are right on point ! I am currently going through this with my ex i.e. FWB. I’ve already told my ex once I was going to stop this casual non relationship that he happens to like so much because I know he is using me. I told him we could be JUST friends. NO benefits. End result… fireworks flew big time. He was not happy to loose his “trophy girl”. Since then I made the mistake of seeing him again and I knew It was a big back step because here we go again. Same thing as before. He wants no commitments… “Just fun” he says. So I’ve now decided I’m just going to tell him no again and end this crazy ‘going in circles’ cycle. After reading your blog ( I really needed some advice and could not find any ) I realize even more that I am in a no win no future situation when it comes to my ex. Thank you so much for this raw, truthful, and informative advice. I really needed it !!

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 2, 2015 at 7:00 am

      Thanks, I like to be honest with the people that come to my site.

  8. Aloha

    November 10, 2015 at 3:20 pm

    Hi Chris,
    First, let me say your blogs have really helped so many women (including myself) and I know how much time you’ve spent in them so, thank you! My question is… If a man is emotionally using you because you make him feel good about himself, WHY wouldn’t he consider that she’s a GOOD person for him? I mean, don’t we all want to be with someone who genuinely makes us feel good… especially feel good about ourselves? In your case, what kept you from being with the girl you kept going back to? And let me add, if there’s no physical relationship and strictly emotional… Why not let the girl go (if you know she has feelings and you dont)? There’s a lot of women who would provide the emotional high for him, especially since there’s social media and online dating now… So why? I can’t help but think that there has to be SOME kind of feelings involved on the man’s side?
    Thanks…

  9. Step

    November 8, 2015 at 3:41 am

    Long time Reader of Yours, (Hoping you will respond)
    Hi Chris, I have been reading your material since last year. I’m in need of your help. I’m contemplating on buying your book, in case I missed some key detail or to move on from my ex. I’m going to try to make a quick summary of me and my ex’s relationship so here it goes. We had been together almost 5 years off and on. Unfortunately, I may have to leave some details out due to the length. However, I must say we had a very complicated relationship. First two yrs were the best, even perfect then fights, etc started happening. Last yr. we broke up and he started seeing another woman. I followed your guide last year and I was so happy when my ex & I got back together. I thought I was smooth sailings but I was wrong. My ex ended up keeping in contact with the girl behind my back. They remained friends. I found out he was still keeping in contact with her after only 2 months of us being back together. He said he would delete her #. Although, I thought he deleted her #, he didn’t and our relationship continued for 8 months. He ended up breaking up with me 6 months ago. It was terrible. I believe he always had her in the back of his mind and was waiting for me to mess up to finally end things. Basically we met for closure and he expressed to me that I needed to stop contacting her. This was a shock because I didn’t even know they were together. So right after we broke up they basically got together. I had no idea. I basically proved to him that she was lying about me contacting her. He broke up with her because she lied to him. Then started contacted me with a hope you’re doing okay msg. A few msg back and forth but never any lengthy conversations. Then he initiated the idea of us having sex one last time. I gave in and we slept together. He said it was awesome. I tried to be cool about the whole thing and not too emotional. Then after two weeks, I guess I was too obvious he realized I still loved him. He told me he still cared but wants me to move on. I told him I still loved him but if he wants me to move on I will. I told him I needed to stop all contact with him to move on. He said I should. It’s been a week I’m keeping to my word. I don’t know what to do? I’m someone that loves deeply and will not move on until I truly believed I’ve tried everything possible. Should I cut my losses and move on? Should I do a nc and try messaging him again in a month? Will he come back on his own? Or possibly contact me?

  10. Kait

    November 7, 2015 at 10:26 am

    Hi Chris, I know you get thousands of messages like this, but I really need some advice. I think I’ve completely blown my chances of ever getting my ex back, even if I do follow your guides/advice. Basically we’ve been on and off for over a year now and we argue a lot, he never apologises after arguments and will just ignore me for the rest of the day or even for a day+ where as I’ll apologise most of the time regardless and I hate being ignored, especially by him, and then when he does speak to me he just acts normal again or sometimes he’ll say things like ‘going to be a normal gf or still an angry troll’ I admit when we argue at times I can say some really horrible and unforgivable things, but so has he. He’s said many times over the past months that he doesn’t love me and hasnt wanted to be with me for months now. It’s mostly him who breaks up with me, I’ve only ever broken up with him I’ve but I didn’t mean it. He’s also said that he’s only taken me back because I made him or wouldn’t leave him alone. Now last week we had a huge fight on Sunday and things got so bad and again he said were over and that he doesn’t love me anymore and that once I leave his house I won’t be setting foot in there ever again. Things got broken and he got angry and pushed me but I replaced the broken things and got them sent to his house. He text me after the break up saying he got the items but he can’t accept them knowing how he feels about us and that he sees no future for us and doesn’t see us ever working. I tried to do no contact but failed on day 3 🙁 and text him back saying ‘Hey, I was just thinking about the first time we went to the cinema together to see Jurassic World, it was so good. I am glad we did that.’ But because he didn’t reply I turned into a text gnat and then said ‘could we talk please? I don’t like how things were left.’ He replied ‘I enjoyed the good times we had too but things arent the same and we argue too much, please send me your address so i can return the items as it doesnt feel right’ I responded ‘I don’t want to lose you, so will you please work with me to make our relationship work again, I know I don’t deserve it but I care for you deeply and I love you..I want you to keep the them, I’m sorry.’ And again he didn’t respond so I text him again saying ‘Please just talk with me, even if you hate me, please hear me out.’ He responded saying ‘it’s over I sorry, there’s nothing else I can say’ I continued to keep begging him to take me back and him not replying and when he I asked him if he loved me he said no sorry and he also said he won’t be contacting me anymore and i really dont want to upset you more and talking is doing that, you are more than welcome to let me send the items back, other than that good bye. I continued to bombard him with messages and calls, he replied no my minds made up..I continued to message and call him the next day too but no reply. It’s not been almost 3 days I haven’t heard from him and I’m absolutely terrified of losing him. I didn’t text him today so this is the first day I haven’t contacted him for..I want to try the no contact but I always end up caving in. Do you think the Nc rule will get him to speak to me or even give us a chance of ever getting back together? Please help.

    1. Linda

      December 5, 2015 at 12:54 am

      I told my ex who has been married to
      a woman he got pregnant and didn’t love for 31 yrs. now.. Told him to fix his marriage or get out of it… Then I told him to go to hell… !!!!

  11. cat 3 movie

    October 17, 2015 at 1:33 pm

    Greetings from Florida! I’m bored to death at work so I
    decided to check out your blog on my iphone during lunch break.

    I really like the info you provide here and can’t
    wait to take a look when I get home. I’m amazed at how fast your blog loaded on my
    phone .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyhow, good site!

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 18, 2015 at 6:04 pm

      Thanks so much! I put a lot of work into it so I’m glad to hear that.

  12. Satori

    August 1, 2015 at 5:52 pm

    Me and my ex has been broke up about 4 years now . in that time we’re both had other relationships and try to work out as friends but we tend to “fuss” a lot. As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized what I did wrong in our relationship, and hes only kind of has done the same lol. Now the past year, we try to be friends, I even try fwb but mainly so I would be out here having sex with just anybody. I even moved back closer to him, we actually live across the hall from one another. Lately we’ve been off and on with our friendship. Its like I have company, he has company too….but the things he says sometimes I feel like I can really FEEL that hes doin it to make me jealous. I read a few of your articles today. The no contact rule, I feel is too late lol, well 30days is I think. But I do think I may benefit from the 7 days. I’m not sure on HOW he feels INSIDE. sometimes I’m so confused, he does AND says things that make me think “yea he still loves me, hes just stubborn” but then there’s the “not right now” thing that scares me now. Idk if its worth trying to take these steps, since I’ve already began working on myself, or if I should just let all the way go bc there’s no hope. Even Reading your stuff it can be this or that….can you please help????

  13. PR

    July 14, 2015 at 2:23 am

    Question: we beoke out about a year but reconnected a few days after brother passed away by coincedence. Since April, contact becomes more often and emotional. I am a bit confused but dont feel is fair to ask if we have a future. Am i right being the emotional support?

  14. cathy

    July 11, 2015 at 1:12 pm

    hi Chris, im writing to you because im in a situation where my partner of nearly2 years had left me 5 months ago and has virtually moved in with another woman and he had been up till a month ago he has been breaking it off with her and coming home to me but to be short lived usually 2/3 days each time, he has done this 10 times over the 5 months,we had stayed together in the family home for 3 weeks before he found a unit to rent in that time he had put up a wall of not one emotion for me at all he just went cold i did know he was seeing the other at this time i found out very quickly he was seeing her i followed him the evening he went and met her, i was sobbing all the time asking him not to leave and telling how i loved him dearly, just to go back a bit toward the last part of last year i had started menopause and was not a very kind or nice person to him flaring into rages and fighting with him knowing i had been hurting him emotionally it didnt matter in the times of my rageI have over a thousand times appolagised for my tantrums and am geting counselling and tablets for the menopause but to no avail im helping me but it has not brought him back to me he has said he still loves me but has a love for this woman now as well, who never gets cross at him in any of the times he has left and come back to me.I feel i have lost my beautiful man forever and i 5 months ive hit rock bottom every day i think about him and wait like a drip for a phone call which he rings near everyday while at work and if im lucky i may get a quick visit from him just to say hello maybe a cuddle and a kiss he trys to have sex but ive said no as he is then cheating on her,he and i talk of intamate things and he says his heart is doing weird stuff like thud thuding wen he sees any of my posts on fb or hear my name,he often gets cross at me and says he is angry we didnt work out because of my anger issues,ive told him that im getting help but he says he is scared to come home i fi do it again, thing is when he did come home the ten times he was very unhapy and distant id ask him if he missed the other woman and he would say yes so i would set him free and say well go to her then i even rang her one time for him before he walked out my door, its so sad and he says i push him away which is totally unfair i feel somewhat used but want to see the good in him that used to be there,he says he gets upset a lot but he is never far from her to just sit and work out his feeligs for either of us women please please chris do you have any advice at all you are the only site ive come onto that i can relate my question to please help Cathy ps no children are involved

  15. St4cey

    June 14, 2015 at 9:32 pm

    My 9 year younger ex didn’t want to commit to being in a relationship. We did most fun stuff as a couple for 7 months but he wouldn’t give me physical affection, just confide in me emotionally/mentally. Yes, he’s had parental affection and previous relationship issues so I made allowances. But he was arrogant when I asked him why he doesn’t ‘let me in’. So, I ended it 10 days ago after he flirted with a girl on holiday. I respect myself and said he was free to go as it wasn’t working for me and he looked gutted. He said he’s never felt freer, happier or more alive than last 7 months – and that he’d never forget me. He said he’s ‘never known what I am to him’. At different times during 7 months, he’s shown me rare affection and public displays of affection, sexually attractive – so he has the ability to give me these things!. I’m determined to stay no contact, but I’m curious if you think he’ll return?

  16. Erin

    May 26, 2015 at 1:54 am

    So here goes.
    Hi, I’m having some issues with my ex.
    We broke up two weeks ago after a year and a half. His reasons were that he doesn’t think he feels the same was as he used to, but does still love me. Just not enough?
    We had our issues, every relationship does though.
    After a few days I made contact, he needed some of his things back and I wanted to wish him luck for an exam (a levels). No contact wouldn’t ever work because we are in a very tight friendship group and everyone meets up quite a lot. They wouldn’t be happy with splitting up the group for our benefit.
    So after a week, we met up again for a little get together with a few friends. There was alcohol and we ended up in the same bed. Sex only happened the next morning whilst we were drunk. But after that, he told me that he felt really bad because he just did it because he was horny and not thinking and that he doesn’t want to get back with me, that he doesn’t love me anymore.

    And then last weekend, two weeks after we broke up. We met up again with friends, ended up having sneaky kisses whilst no one was in the room. I slept in his friends bed that night and he was on the sofa, but in the early hours I crawled in with him because he had asked me to do so the night before. We cuddled a lot, kissed and did all the classic couple stuff. Later that day, I walked back to his house to pick up some stuff that he said I could borrow. I had all intentions to leave, but just before I could he brought up an inside joke and persuaded me to stay for a little bit. Of course, we ended up having sex. It was much more intimate this time, it really felt like a relationship again. There were even kisses on the cheek and neck during cuddling afterwards. But after all that, he said he felt really bad again because he doesn’t want to date me still. So I asked him, other than arousal, why does he keep insinuating things, and why with me when he knows he could get someone else. (I know he hasn’t yet) and his answer was that it was only with me because he still has feelings for me, feelings enough to still want that aspect of it all.
    Now, I know that he is using me. But what I don’t know is why, if he still has feelings for me enough to do that, doesn’t he just give us another chance? He knows how I feel about him.
    Do you think he was lying about the feelings thing? Because he could have easily just said it was a snap decision? Or something else without bringing feelings into it.
    His friends are on my side and keep telling me to forget about him because he’s acting badly towards me, but I can’t. And you know that.
    I just need something to happen. I need to know what I can do to make those feelings turn into something enough for a relationship.
    We were each other’s first everything, together for almost two years and really were good together. Apart from his immaturity as we’re only 18.
    I hope you can help. Sorry it’s a long story.

  17. TiredOfExcuses

    May 21, 2015 at 1:43 pm

    I dated my guy for five months. In the beginning he told me that he didn’t want anything serious right now which I agreed to, hoping it would take the pressure off both of our shoulders. Although I did have two rules: we could not sleep with or date other people and that we had to be honest with each other. He agreed. We got along great and he was very romantic. He tells me that he cares about me and he always there when I need him. He wanted us to stop having sex because he felt guilty due to his religious beliefs even though sometimes we still do have sex. He also has made excuses about being scared of commitment. A little over two weeks ago he revealed that he wants to have an Eastern European family (my family is from the Caribbean) so we would have to end things eventually despite our great chemistry and connection. He said that that is why he has been hesitant. It just seems like another bogus excuse. I was not needy but I was too available and very much a pushover. I have implemented NC for 16 days now and he has not called or texted at all. What do you think? P.S. I have never met his friends and family, but apparently they know about me.

  18. Trina

    May 20, 2015 at 9:34 pm

    Hi Chris, I had commented a few weeks ago about my situation. Basically ex broke up w me over email sayin he no longer wanted to be with me bc i go crazy all the time.. i went NC. I had contacted him like day 21 but it was through his work email to an iphone and the iphone owner claimed it wasn’t him… then Saturday the 9th, the person said the same thing that it wasn’t my ex. I happened to re add my snapchat that evening and saw my ex had added me on there and messaged me. Idk if he added me friday night, sat morn, or when exactly.
    I was so happy when I saw he had added me. I replied to him and said hello. I said I miss him all he said was “ok” later i sent a pic of me and this spock pulsh (it was an inside joke) and had the caption “twins” He replied saying “you mean your boobs? aka the twins?” I said something back i dont remember. anyway i stopped replying and he did again saying too bad he couldn’t see them close up. and i was like huh? and he said the twins. He wanted a picture of my boobs. I came up with some excuse and stopped replying to him. The next day which was mothers day he goes “i guess you and the twins don’t miss me enough to send me a picture” I did send him a bra picture but he wanted topless. I wouldn’t. He had talked to me normally that day too and had said he thought I would be more loving, affectionate, compliant, etc when we started talking again. Which bothered me bc I had no clue what he wanted when he added me and he ws expecting me to read his mind. I said I didn’t know his motives etc like if he contacted me just as friends or what. He said “we are friends” then said “until further notice” he also said he was waiting to tell me he loved me until he made sure that I was ok. however earlier i had asked him that and about missing me and he said mmmhmmm but then when I said I suppose my boobs miss him too then he kinda started acting less friendly. Anyway he ends up deleting me on Mothers day bc i wont send a topless pic. We re add and he deletes a few times him continuously asking about the picture and then I just stopped re adding.

    like 2 days later he adds me again. He says yo and i say yo. Then he mentions the freaking pictures again. I said stop. etc etc. Turns out he thought I was being hard headed bc I had sent him some pictures before. He seemed to not grasp that we werent together. Then he started doing ultimatums like if I send it we will move forward if I don’t then we won’t. Also before that he talked about negotiating and such… I’m a virgin and he has never forced me to do anything… and he respects that; However, he wanted us to be able to do other things.. idk. And then he had said yes he wants to see me naked so he doesn’t think of anyone else and I don’t seem to understand that. Also said I didn’t let us make love, etc so that’s part of the reasoning behind why he wanted this freaking picture.

    I eventually called him out saying he was being a jerk and unwilling to compromise. We ended up both negotiated and I showed him briefly on live chat where i could see him and he was talking. I thought he wasn’t going to take any more screenshots and, while giggling and goofing around, i said don’t take them… anyway wednesday he doesn’t say much to me and it upset me bc i felt used. then however he sends me all these screenshots he took from the day before. I was mortified and upset. I should have said right then and there that it upset me. However, I ddn’t say much but the next day, I did. All he said was “mm ok” then again “mm ok” and then I think I said more. And I pretty much said something similar the next day.
    Since then he has been super short in his replies. Unless he says something semi hurtful like how I’m creepy bc I wait to see if he has opened my snapchat… I did this one day bc I was trying to talk to him live bc I’m an insecure girl and he knows that and I just felt used. anyway he also never agreed to meet up. Yesterday he had a meeting for work then said he needed to get home (he has a five year old little boy)

    Anyway, I sent him these cute pictures and videos of me yesterday and he didn’t respond to those. It upset me. Especially because when I woke up in the middle of the night he had said “stop taking screenshots of my stuff. Thank you”
    It really upset me and, while I should have ignored it, I messed up.
    I told him that I hadn’t screenshot in our convo (i hadn’t) and that i had been sleeping since 750 pm (true) and then I said how i feel he isn’t caring about my feelings and maybe i’m gonna take a break from snapchat for a bit and i love him so much and want him forever but if he needs space to cool off i’ll give that to him, etc. Also I had said I have become less clingy but it’s up to him to believe that or not .

    That’s the thing. I used to blow up his phone and he would ignore me. I feel he is still really stuck in that codependent stuff 🙁

    Anyway last night in middle of the night I blocked him bc I was trying to delete what I sent bc it was a lot. Then I realized that didn’t work. So I re added him… he had not accepted.
    I also found another account that I thought was his and had added that. that one accepted me. like one account would have been (typing a diff example than his of course) sam.abc and the other was abc.sam and both had his name when added.

    So i was not sure if the other one was his ( i had previously had that one blocked… i unblocked ittho… i had it blocked during nc bc i had contacted it and regretted that in case it was him etc)

    so that person is viewing my public stories and then i say if its the right person add me back on sam.abc and the person from abc.sam read it and didn’t reply. Then I directly asked abc.sam if it was my ex (using his name) and abc.sam said “yes”

    So I figured everything was cool. But NO. I then said “okay. Why do you have dos snapchats? lol silly” and then he read that and then he blocked me.

    Why would he add me on the 2nd one today and then block me why I ask why he has two snapchats????? And also why DOES he. I don’t think he’s doing anything sketchy but it is still weird and pisses me off.

    Anyway when I saw he blocked me I started bawling and was/am really miserable

    I don’t know what to think of this. Why is he so hot and cold??? also will he never talk to me again? I also left sobbing videos on the sam.abc one that he has not added me back on… like saying i wanted us to be happy and was hurt, etc.
    prob wont help my case.

    Is it even possible to get him back? I thought it totally was bc HE was the one talking about being back together but then with his stupid ultimatums w the freaking picture and I want to stop our cycle of power play and control bc it was unhealthy… and idk what to do? Also why would he add me then block me after i asked him why he had 2?! granted when he added me i had said “2 snapchats? O.o” so maybe me asking or mentioning again upset him but idk. Also he has anger issues (he shuts down…doesn’t verbally or physucally abuse me or anything) and I have anxiety and depression (on meds for both) PLEASE HELP What should I do!?!?! I am desperate. I want my sweet guy back. why is he acting like this still esp when HE added me a little over a week ago!!?! He views all my stories, well, did… but now has me blocked on one and won’t add me back on the other. Also why the heck does he ahve two 🙁 </3 unless one was old and the other wasnt and he had to use the old one bc i had blocked the other? but i have no idea. Please help

    1. Sandy

      June 22, 2015 at 6:50 am

      Im sorry you’re going through all this believe me I know its tough, but the more you keep contacting your ex the more needy you look to him, even with all these threads reeks of desperation and if I can see that I guarantee that your ex sees it tenfold. The more you show him how desperate you are to talk to him and get any response from him shows him he has control over you. Do yourself a huge favor and stop.. stop everything.. all contact with him because everything you’re doing right now is digging yourself deeper into a hole. Im sorry to be blunt please take my advise you deserve better, take care

    2. Trina

      June 4, 2015 at 6:41 pm

      Hi Chris,

      Yeah I realized that. Yesterday I sent a calm video email and then today I had sent one calm email asking to meet up and then one more saying I was hurt and wanted to work it out, etc.
      And now I am done sending things.

      I definitely screwed up a couple days ago by sending 10… but that was the day after he all of a sudden went off like that.

      Do you think it’s true what he said? That he thinks I’m psycho and doesn’t love me anymore… or do you think it was said out of anger?
      The day before we had been getting along really well and he said maybe we can cuddle some time soon. Then I kinda got upset about something and then the next day I had sent I guess too many snapchats about that and then after he told me take a breather and I kept talking, then this all escalated to him saying I was psycho, not right, needed help, will never have a successful relationship til I’m not crazy, and was crazy bc I go around liking stuff on people’s instagrams.. something I did like 2 months ago..
      We continued back and forth and when I said seomthing like him loving me then he said he didn’t anymore and said I’m f- ing nuts.

      It is most likely most of this was said out of anger? I just don’t understand how we could be acting like A couple the day before and then even a couple weeks before that he had been the one to mention getting back together..

      why do you think he said those mean things? Do you think he really meant that he does not love me? Even though to me it all seemed out of anger…

      I promise I will not say anything right now.

      what do you think and what should I do?

      Please help. Is this hopeless? Does hs really not love me or due to the event does it prob seem out of anger?

    3. Trina

      June 3, 2015 at 6:05 pm

      Hi Chris,

      Sorry to write again but can you please respond to these.

      Uesterday I had sent 10 emails… 1 was an apology video another was me crying and upset..

      Do you think what he meant what he said when he talked about cuddling 3 days ago then 2 days ago started saying I was psycho (pretty sure out of anger)?? Please help me I’m desperate for some guidance 🙁

    4. Chris Seiter

      June 4, 2015 at 6:32 pm

      You need to stop sending him those.

      Seriously you are coming across as super needy.

    5. Trina

      June 2, 2015 at 4:18 pm

      HI Chris.

      PLEASE help me.

      So my ex and I were talking 2 days ago… even talking bout cuddling. Then I got upset about something like years ago we had a joke about some coworker being a fox and he started insisting that she was a fox.. and I started to get upset. Then yesterday I sent him 7 snapchat videos bc they are each 10 seconds. He said I don’t need to send him all that stuff. I said sorry. he said he wasn’t gonna listen to them. I said that’s rude. then it started to escalate… I said that I had calmly recorded them so he knew my point of view. he soon after told me to take a breather. Then it began to escalate. He said I was psycho. Then said something about me liking stuff on other people’s instagrams (did that once to his coworker I thought liked him… 7 weeks ago when we were dating… and I unliked it bc I realized it was immature… but she and her friend had continued to like harass me on the internet well posting things that I knew were about me… I ignored it. ) they posted like middle finger pics calling me a stalker, etc.
      So my ex yesterday referenced that. And started calling me crazy. Said I’m f**ken nuts. Kept saying stop. Said stop sending messages if I’m not crazy. He wouldn’t talk to me over the snapchat live chat… he kept xing it out. He got upset when I tried again saying I was crazy bc I wasn’t listening. He said I needed help and wasn’t right and could not be in a successful relationship until I was no longer crazy. I was bawling so upset and hysterical. He never has treated me like that before, ever. And this was a day after we were fine and talking about cuddling. Why would he treat me like this??? I said those girls wanted drama and he said me and I tried to start things and that he wasn’t gonna defend me. He said the coworker girl told him like a month ago… claimed she didn’t tell him recently (recently I accidentally liked a pic on her friends IG and unliked it within seconds then both girls continued to post nasty things about me when I unblocked them…I was trying to be the bigger person)
      CHRIS PLEASE PLEASE HELP. I sent him a goodbye email and then sent another proving that they were mistreating me… but that’s all I sent and plan on sending. Idk what to do. He kept saying bye yesterday and then he eventually blocked me. He said I was so frustrating and upsetting. Why did he act like this??? PLEASE HELP CHRIS! IS he just a jerk and I should drop him and never look back??
      Likehe said he didn’t want to talk to me or see me (when I kept puhsing it) would say please stop. if I’m not crazy prove it and stop sending messages. said I’m not right and need help. never will have a successful relationship until I’m not crazy

      I’m just broken.

      Did he mean these things?? please please please please help. I sent 4 emails today one was the I cant be w someone like that, the 2nd was screenshots of what those girls were actually saying (they were the drama ones not me) one was asking if that was actually him and the fourth “I never thought you would treat me like that ever. And if you claim you don’t love me anymore it means you never did because people don’t stop loving someone that quickly and if they do, it wasn’t love to begin with. So I want the truth. Anyway I’m too hurt right now. This is my last email. The ball is entirely in your court and know you hurt me at the core. I’m no longer the unstable girl I was and I’ve worked so hard and for you to not see that and believe those other people, it hurts like hell. May have to leave work bc can’t stop crying.

      please please please help me Chris

    6. Trina

      June 2, 2015 at 1:25 pm

      HI Chris.

      PLEASE help me.

      So my ex and I were talking 2 days ago… even talking bout cuddling. Then I got upset about something like years ago we had a joke about some coworker being a fox and he started insisting that she was a fox.. and I started to get upset. Then yesterday I sent him 7 snapchat videos bc they are each 10 seconds. He said I don’t need to send him all that stuff. I said sorry. he said he wasn’t gonna listen to them. I said that’s rude. then it started to escalate… I said that I had calmly recorded them so he knew my point of view. he soon after told me to take a breather. Then it began to escalate. He said I was psycho. Then said something about me liking stuff on other people’s instagrams (did that once to his coworker I thought liked him… 7 weeks ago when we were dating… and I unliked it bc I realized it was immature… but she and her friend had continued to like harass me on the internet well posting things that I knew were about me… I ignored it. ) they posted like middle finger pics calling me a stalker, etc.
      So my ex yesterday referenced that. And started calling me crazy. Said I’m f**ken nuts. Kept saying stop. Said stop sending messages if I’m not crazy. He wouldn’t talk to me over the snapchat live chat… he kept xing it out. He got upset when I tried again saying I was crazy bc I wasn’t listening. He said I needed help and wasn’t right and could not be in a successful relationship until I was no longer crazy. I was bawling so upset and hysterical. He never has treated me like that before, ever. And this was a day after we were fine and talking about cuddling. Why would he treat me like this??? I said those girls wanted drama and he said me and I tried to start things and that he wasn’t gonna defend me. He said the coworker girl told him like a month ago… claimed she didn’t tell him recently (recently I accidentally liked a pic on her friends IG and unliked it within seconds then both girls continued to post nasty things about me when I unblocked them…I was trying to be the bigger person)
      CHRIS PLEASE PLEASE HELP. I sent him a goodbye email and then sent another proving that they were mistreating me… but that’s all I sent and plan on sending. Idk what to do. He kept saying bye yesterday and then he eventually blocked me. He said I was so frustrating and upsetting. Why did he act like this??? PLEASE HELP CHRIS! IS he just a jerk and I should drop him and never look back??

    7. Trina

      May 21, 2015 at 6:52 pm

      like whats your analysis on this whole situation? why did he block me after re adding me when i asked why he has 2 snapchats ( i made an oops and had deleted him on one and then added on the other when i unblocked him and he added me back right away but when i asked him later he said it was him then i was like okay. why do you have dos snapchats? lol silly. He read it and blocked me) I know he gets upset when I don’t trust him so maybe it ticked him off even more. Is he just totally playing with me and doesn’t care I’m hurting..?? I had told him I was upset he took a screenshot when I said no and then two nights ago I went off about how he should stop being so cold blah blah… i was upset bc he hadn’t responded to me and then texted me telling me to stop screenshotting his stuff and unless he’s talking about the public stories, i didn’t… blah idk what to do 🙁 what do you think of this whole situation? What’s going through his head? Why would he say we are friends… until further notice and want pictures of me topless and talk about us together etc and then when I am upset he took screenshots then he like backs down???? idk what to do 🙁

    8. Trina

      May 21, 2015 at 5:10 pm

      Hi Chris! Thanks for responding.
      I guess I also want to know why is he acting like this he talked about getting back together then as so cold after I complained about him taking screenshots :/ what should I do

    9. Chris Seiter

      May 21, 2015 at 3:43 pm

      It’s not impossible if that’s what your asking 🙂

  19. Sue

    May 14, 2015 at 4:47 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I am back on talking terms with my ex and we met last week for a couple of drinks and to talk. I can’t tell if he is using me or not. We did have sex and he vented a lot to me about his life. I asked him if he missed me and he said yes. He then said that he thought about me everyday. I told him I didn’t want just sex, he said that he isn’t the kind of guy who would use me for that and he wouldn’t be there just for that reason and that’s why we haven’t seen each other up until this point because he didn’t want to do that to me. He also said because of our break up (due to fighting), i’ve pushed him back. I don’t know how to read any of this and unfortunately wasn’t able to get a clear answer out of him. Haven’t heard much from him since except he messaged me to tell me that’s he’s been really sick since Friday –

    1. Sue

      May 20, 2015 at 4:50 pm

      What does it mean when he say’s i’ve really pushed him back? We have been broken up for 3 months now, and have met up 3 times to talk… the last time we met, I messaged him and asked him to meet me if he wanted to work things out, and if he didn’t then to let me know and he did meet with me. When we talked however, all I got from him was that he missed me, still likes me, but I have pushed him back… I haven’t heard much from him since except the text saying he was really sick – how do i proceed here….

    2. Chris Seiter

      May 19, 2015 at 5:25 pm

      I don’t think I have to tell you to not sleep with him at all anymore.

      At least not until he commits.

  20. HELP PLEASE.

    May 2, 2015 at 6:32 am

    Hi Chris…
    I’m sorry this will be a bit long. And please forgive any grammatical errors, English is not my first language.

    But I really, really need your help; a third person’s look on things. I can’t decide on whether this guy is really playing with me or not. Based on that, I can finally do myself a favor and shut him out of my life forever.

    My boyfriend of nine months broke up with me about two months ago. And I loved him a lot.

    We were in a long distance relationship for a considerable time before the break up, for about four months. It was going good, but toward the end, because of his course studies, we had less and less contact. On my good days I used to take it in stride, but some days, I blew off. So anyway, he broke up, told me a lot of stuff as to how he would talk to me if he had time, and how he didn’t love me anymore and how he didn’t want to keep a relationship.

    I begged, panicked, did everything that went against my own principles on self respect.

    Excluding a few times (say two), I went no contact on him. Two weeks later, during my finals, he asked me to call him, and told me the ‘real reason’ why he broke up. Some stupid reason seriously. But he also said he loved me, would always be mine and wouldn’t date anybody else, but didn’t want a relationship.

    In these two months, he is the one who has initiated contact. Almost after every week, he sends a ‘hello’ and ends up talking to me for a day. He asks for my recent photographs (Which I give, stupid of me really) and comments on each, calling me sexy, beautiful, and even going up to the point of telling me he loved me.

    Just recently though, our first anniversary date passed, and nothing. He said nothing about it.

    Secondly, in India, smoking is generally looked down upon. He knows I hated him smoking. Left it for a good time period, when we were together. It seems after our breakup, he’s turned into a chain smoker.
    So the other day, without my asking, he sends me a photograph of himself smoking. I don’t know why.
    I just keep feeling he’s playing me. Messing up with my feelings. And you are right. My time is much more worth than an ex boyfriend. That article of yours is by far the coolest of yours 
    What would you say? Does he love me? Or is he just wasting my time? I honestly don’t mind going on a radio silence as far as he is concerned; I’m just tired of mind games.

    Help Please.

    And I’m SORRY this is long. I wouldn’t have posted if this wasn’t bothering me so much.
    And great job Sir. Please keep helping the way you are, it feels good to have someone who understands.

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